Three Reasons Women’s Ministries Might Want to Focus Less on Marriage and Motherhood
I’ve been saying many of the same things on this blog for the last several years that this 2022 essay says.
Churches, especially gender complementarian ones – and not just in women’s ministries, but overall, in every facet of a church – make single / childless / childfree women feel ignored or unwanted, except for those Christians who patronizingly behave like the only use for a single, childless woman is to babysit the children of the married couples.
Reminder to Christians: more adults are not marrying these days – at all. Some may marry, but not until their 30s, 40s or older. Many (even if they do marry) are choosing to forgo children.
When churches focus on marriage and motherhood to the extent they do, they also send a message that being married and a parent is necessary for sanctification or relationship with God, which is false.
A person does not need to marry or have children to be sanctified, know God, or to be mature, ethical, godly, loving, or responsible.
(Link): Three Reasons Women’s Ministries Might Want to Focus Less on Marriage and Motherhood
Excerpts:
March 25, 2022
by Rachel Baker
Women’s ministries are often the home to every category of woman: Single, married, mother, widow, and so forth. As a Women’s Ministry Director, I both attend a women’s small group and organize the women’s ministry meetings at my local church.
In my small group alone there is a vast array of women, each in different categories, some are empty nesters, some are starting families, some are intentionally single, while others are single with the hope of being in a relationship in the future.
We cover the gamut, so why is it that women’s ministries’ regularly cast their focus on the married mother?
Don’t get me wrong, as a married mother I have absolutely benefited from Bible study curriculum and content focused on marriage and motherhood, however it should go without saying that these types of studies do not represent all women.
If you are in a position at your local church in women’s ministry or as a small group leader here are a few reasons why you might want to steer your Bible study content away from marriage and motherhood:
Studies Solely Based on Marriage and Motherhood Can Feel Exclusive
As a young married woman and then young mother I desperately needed support and connection and resources to help me feel a little less alone in that particular season of my life.
Marriage ministries and parenting ministries absolutely have a place within the church; they are absolutely needed.
However, when our larger-scale ministries such as women’s ministry or small group ministry only focus on young-married or motherhood we can miss out on the richness that comes from a group of women of all life-stages and relationship status.
To solely focus on marriage and motherhood means an inadvertent (or possibly intentional) exclusion of women who do not fit into those categories.
Single women need community just like married women.
Women without children need community just like mothers. We all need community, additionally, we can all benefit from each other’s wisdom and perspectives.
Exclusion of the unwed or childless woman can leave a void in those various ministries. Without these women or their voices in our small groups and women’s ministries, our ministries are at risk of becoming echo chambers of sorts.
When a group is exclusively comprised of young and potentially struggling mothers, who in that group will help them see themselves as individuals outside of their role of mother? When a group is specifically comprised of single women or widows, or any other one life-stage, we miss the opportunity to grow as diverse and unique individuals. Furthermore, we miss out on the richness that a diverse group creates.
Christian Culture May Elevate Marriage and Motherhood over Singleness but the Bible Does Not
The Apostle Paul writes this of singleness:
“I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— and his interests are divided.
An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.” —1 Corinthians 7:32-35
While it might be easy to glorify marriage and motherhood within Christian culture the fact is that the single and childless play an equally important role in ministry and kingdom work.
It is true a single woman isn’t concerned about juggling family schedules and her husband’s needs. If they are called into ministry or missions or a specific area of service they can respond in ways that a married mother cannot.
…According to Paul, singleness can be a gift, just like marriage can be a gift, likewise, singleness can present challenges, just like marriage can present challenges.
Each Woman Has Value, No Matter Her Relationship Status
As the body of Christ, we each have a function, our relationship status is not our full identity nor is it the whole of who we were made to be in Christ. Before I was ever married or a mother my life and my heart mattered to God. Likewise, a single woman has immense value in the Kingdom.
…As a prompting for those of us in Christian leadership it may be helpful to consider the women who help serve in our ministries: Are our leaders exclusively married with children or is there a good mix of all different women on our teams?
Related:
(Link): Can We Stop Saying Singleness is God’s Will? by Anonymous via Sheila Wray Gregoire
(Link): Marriage Does Not Make People More Godly, Mature, or Sexually Ethical
(Link): Learning to See Your Single Neighbor by H. Stallcup
(Link): The Nauseating Push by Evangelicals for Early Marriage
(Link): Single Adult Christian Pressured Into Marriage by Her Church – And Regrets It
(Link) Have we made an idol of families? by A. Stirrup (copy)
(Link): Is The Church Failing Childless Women? by Diane Paddison
(Link): Lies The Church Tells Single Women (by Sue Bohlin)
(Link): What Christians Really Think About the Church’s Relationship Advice by Anna Broadway
(Link): I’m a Christian Married to an Atheist — Here’s How We Make It Work by S. Allen
(Link): Getting Married Is Not an Accomplishment by N. Brooke
(Link): Stop Believing God Told You to Marry Your Spouse by G. Thomas
(Link): ‘Why Are You Single’ Lists That Do Not Pathologize Singles by Bella DePaulo
(Link): Do You Need a Partner to Have a Happy Life? by D. LaBier
(Link): American Romance Standards Are Changing as People Have Less Sex and Marriage Rates Drop
(Link): Really, It’s Okay To Be Single – In order to protect marriage, we should be careful not to denigrate singleness – by Peter Chin
(Link): Four in 10 Adults Between the Ages of 25 and 54 are Single, Up From 29% in 1990
(Link): Nearly 4 in 10 American Adults Live Without Spouse or Partner As Single Population Grows: Pew
(Link): 27 Eye-Opening Confessions About Relationships From People Who Have Been Single Their Entire Lives
(Link): It’s Better To Be Single, According To Science by Erin Brodwin
(Link): The War Over Marriage Is Raging; Single People Are Winning by B. DePaulo
(Link): Craigslist confessional: I’m in my 40s, never married, and a virgin—but I’m happy by Abigail
(Link): Unmarried and Childless Women Are the Happiest, Happiness Expert Claims (2019 Study)
(Link): The Nuclear Family Was A Mistake – by David Brooks – and Related Links
(Link): Fewer Americans See Their Romantic Partners As a Source of Life’s Meaning
(Link): The Way We Never Were: American Families And The Nostalgia Trap by Stephanie Coontz (Author)
(Link): Society Has It Wrong: Married People Shouldn’t Get Benefits That Single People do Not by V. Larson
(Link): Why We Thought Marriage Made Us Healthier, and Why We Were Wrong by Bella DePaulo
(Link): Family as “The” Backbone of Society? – It’s Not In The Bible
(Link): Jesus Christ Removed the Stigma, Shame From Being Single and Childless – by David Instone Brewer
(Link): Study: Couples Without Children Have Happier Marriages / Study: Having Kids Ruins Your Life
(Link): Pat Robertson’s Incredibly Insensitive Advice to Gail the Unmarried Woman
(Link): Don’t Judge Me, I’m Childless (from Today’s Christian Woman)
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