The Fragile Male Ego That Can’t Function Without Constant Sexual Validation by S. Ashley
The following pertains to Christian author Gary Thomas and his weird, sexist marital advice book, Married Sex, that got savaged by Christian women on social media in 2021.
I will provide an excerpt or two below, but really, this author’s entire review of Thomas’ book is quite good, so I would ask that you please click the link below to visit her review – which is hosted on Medium – to read the entire piece.
(Link): The Fragile Male Ego That Can’t Function Without Constant Sexual Validation by S. Ashley
Excerpts:
[Thomas earlier book, When to Walk Away, was well-received by many Christian women.]
Unfortunately, his latest book (co-authored by Debra K. Fileta and published by Zondervan Books), Married Sex, comes across more like a sex-obsessed man desperately trying to convince himself and the rest of us that his fixations were “designed by God.”
[The author of the piece then goes on to discuss certain parts of the book by Thomas that concerned her.]
[Excerpt from the Gary Thomas book, by Thomas]:
“Now she asks us to put a coaster under our drink or pick up our socks from the floor, and we act like she’s requesting twelve hours of hard labor. God isn’t unaware of this tendency, so he has given us men a physiological compulsion to keep our wives near and dear in our affections.
If it has been a while since we’ve had sex, those hormones start to boil, and the “drive” slowly begins to captivate our minds. If we grow in love and understanding, we’ll learn that for our wives to be sexually available to us, they need to be relationally and even spiritually connected with us.
When I saw this as God’s creational design, I realized that my sex drive was God’s way of keeping me aware of my wife’s relational needs. The fact that our brains have so much more space devoted to sex drive motivates us men to pursue our wives on all levels—with loyalty, empathy, and love. God’s design is for men to be so sexually vulnerable to their wives that they don’t neglect them in other aspects of the relationship.”
— end Thomas book excerpt —
This is so, so, so… gross. So gross! I (and so many other women) have zero interest in being with a man who requires constant sexual incentive just to be a decent human being.
And in further passages where other couples share how important sex is to a man’s identity, we’re told that these guys simply can’t be successful fathers, husbands, friends, or workers if they don’t feel sexually fulfilled.
Such notions are so insulting. It’s insulting for men to be told they can’t be decent human beings unless their constant need for sex is fulfilled. And of course, it’s insulting for women to hear that their husbands don’t really care about anything but sex.
Who wants to build a life with a man like that? What a horrifying thought. And how much more evidence do we need to see that Gary Thomas doesn’t see women as people, but as objects to satisfy men?
[Excerpt from the Gary Thomas book, by Thomas]:
“Wives, when your husband’s vulnerability is met with your generosity, he will be drawn to you in a particularly powerful way.”
— end Thomas book excerpt —
This is the constant flip-side to the message that women will never understand men and the depth of their need for sex. Since men can only be counted upon to be considerate or responsible because they want sex, women are told that we can make this work in our favor!
How? Well, we can use sex to get what we want! As you might recall from my earlier story on the Gary debacle, he actually tells wives that a flash of their breasts can help restore any power imbalance in the marriage.
Gotta love that level of manipulation, sheesh.
By the way, it’s nonsense like this that brings us guys like Josh Duggar.
[Excerpt from the Gary Thomas book, by Thomas]:
“[S]ex feels like a need when you are young. When a wife understands this and responds accordingly, her husband’s gratitude is immense. When she acts as if she just doesn’t care about something that matters so much to him, she risks bringing alienation into the relationship.”
— end Thomas book excerpt —
Do you know what? I am sure that sex feels like a need to many young men! It feels like a need to many young women as well. But rather than telling wives they could push their husbands away by not being enthusiastic enough about his obsession with sex, perhaps we might teach men how to grow up and recognize that they can manage their own sexual thoughts and urges.
…Women are exhausted. They’re sick of carrying so much on their shoulders, particularly when it comes to raising children and running the household. They’re also sick of immature, thoughtless, or abusive men.
Men are not big babies who can’t share responsibilities with their wives. They’re also not innately equipped with these fragile male egos that are obsessed with sex — at least, not by God’s design.
…I walked away from Christianity at least seven years ago over issues like these. Growing up in an evangelical bubble, I saw firsthand how women and children routinely pay the price for the glory of men who can’t be honest with themselves about their lack of self-work.
— end Medium hosted excerpts —
Do read the remainder of that essay (Link): on Medium
Related:
(Link): Atheist Video About Being a Virgin of Sexually Abstinent – My Critique of the Atheist’s Critique
(Link): The Insidious Reason Women Have Fewer Orgasms (2022 Study)
(Link): Dear Prudence: Help! I’m Glad My Awful Husband Is Dead.
(Link): Dear Prudie: Help! My Boyfriend Refuses to Do Any Housework
(Link): Newlyweds Forced to Be Celibate After Bride Diagnosed With Cervical Cancer Just Days After Honeymoon
(Link): Woman Almost Dies From Allergic Reaction After Sex With Husband by S. Osborne
(Link): Atlantic: “The case for abandoning the myth that ‘women aren’t visual.’”
(Link): Why Are Most Christian Men Living Sexually Immoral Lifestyles? by J. S. Shelton
(Link): ‘I’m Allergic to Sex’: College Student Reveals ‘Rare,’ ‘Excruciating’ Condition
(Link): Secret Service Warns of Domestic Terror Threat from Incels (Involuntary Celibates)
(Link): Actually We Don’t Owe You Sex, and We Never Will by M. Donegan
(Link): Christlike or Pornlike? A Christian Woman’s Role in Marriage by Andrew J. Bauman and Taylor May
(Link): When society isn’t judging, women’s sex drive rivals men’s
(Link): Article: Scientists: Why penis size does matter [to women]
(Link): Women Are Visual And Like Hot Looking Men (Part 1) Joseph in Genesis Was A Stud Muffin
(Link): When Women Wanted Sex Much More Than Men – and how the stereotype flipped
(Link): Groundbreaking News: Women Like Sex (part 1, 2) (articles)
(Link): Why Don’t Some Men Realize A Relationship Is Over Until It’s Too Late? by N. Reilly
(Link): Chris Harper Mercer (Oregon Gunman) Angry Over Being Single and A Virgin
(Link): Florida Man Fatally Stabbed Woman Co-Worker Who Refused to Date Him: Report
(Link): UK Mass Shooter Was a Virgin ‘Incel’ Who Warned He Was ‘A Terminator’
(Link): ‘It’s Not Me, It’s You’: A Loser’s Guide to Dealing with Rejection by The Guyliner
(Link): Stop Believing God Told You to Marry Your Spouse by G. Thomas
(Link): I Married Young. I Was Widowed Young. I Never Want A Long-Term Partner Again by R. Woolf
(Link): I Want to Divorce My Unbelievably Selfish Husband, Advice by S. L. Brown
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