After 30 Years of Great Sex, My Husband’s New Look is a Total Turn-Off – Advice Column by P. Connolly
And so much of secular culture, and goodness knows, complementarian Christians, are obsessed with the notion, which is false, that only “men are visual” or “men are visually stimulated,” when a lot of women are as well.
(Link): After 30 Years of Great Sex, My Husband’s New Look is a Total Turn-Off
He has grown his grey hair long and I don’t find it attractive. Am I being shallow – or is it the menopause?
April 5, 2022
My husband of more than 30 years decided to grow his hair long about three years ago. Sex has always been important to us and I have always felt strongly sexually attracted to him.
But he is 59, with thin, fine grey hair and, as far as I am concerned, this is not a good look. I’m struggling to maintain our previous spark.
Am I just completely shallow and unreasonable to allow a small visual difference get in the way of a previously active and loving intimacy?
Perhaps the issue is mine – I’m 51 and menopausal. Do other people experience this when one partner undergoes a significant physical change?
Any suggestions on how to manage this would be appreciated; obviously he is his own man and if he likes the way he looks, I can’t change that.
[Answer]
We can’t rationalise our way out of well established visual preferences.
And perhaps you are someone who happens to be very much visually attuned. Some people respond more to erotic sounds and conversation, while others are turned on by scents and smells.
You might want to gently request a change.
On the other hand, lowered desire can also be a natural aspect of menopause, and dwindling hormones – rather than long hair – might be the culprit. With your physician, consider options to boost your libido.
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And there you have it, a woman who is so turned off by an aspect of her husband’s physical appearance that she’s lost her sex drive – this runs contrary to the mountains of vomitous, sexist garbage and well-worn sexist stereotypes that Christian gender complementarians have been peddling to women for decades!
So men, if you want some action, you may want to consider that your physical appearance is a turn-off, so get your hair cut, stay shaved, use Rogaine if you have a receding hairline and the woman in your life doesn’t go for bald, and jog regularly, lay off the beer and nachos.
Related:
(Link): Ask Amy: Wife Says She Is Turned Off By Husband’s Fat Body and Muffin Top
(Link): Why a Woman’s Sex Life Declines After Menopause (Hint: Sometimes It’s Her Partner) By T. Parker-Pope
(Link): Dear Advice Lady: My Boyfriend is a Fattie and I Feel Like His Mom
(Link): Why Doesn’t Your Husband Want to Have Sex? by E. Bernstein
(Link): Women Are Visually Oriented Too – Reminder 1
(Link): Portly pastors make up more than a third of American clergy
(Link): The Annoying, Weird, Sexist Preoccupation by Christian Males with Female Looks and Sexuality
(Link): Article: Scientists: Why penis size does matter [to women]
(Link): Atlantic: “The case for abandoning the myth that ‘women aren’t visual.’”
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