Dear Prudence: “Help! My Sister Thinks I Should Give Up a Promotion to Continue Being Her Free Babysitter.”
I’m a conservative, I am not against motherhood or women wanting to have children.
Having said that, I’ve noticed that some of the most entitled (or rude) a-holes I’ve ever seen online (aside from “anti theist atheists,” men’s rights groups, and trans activists) are mothers.
But not all mothers are awful – my own mother was pretty wonderful, and I’ve been friends with women who have children and who are perfectly wonderful people, too.
There are, though, some mothers who are entitled, un-sympathetic, demanding, a-holes.
I have other examples on my blog of entitled parents (usually mothers) acting like spoiled, demanding, bratty a-holes towards their childless and/or single friends or siblings.
The married with children sister as described in the letter below sounds like a big, honking narcissist – she’s very self absorbed and entitled.
The single, childless sister doesn’t owe her continual, free baby-sitting…
(what is it with so many mothers whining about how tiring motherhood is and expecting all their friends and family – usually the single ones – to drop everything to be free baby sitters?
If you can’t handle the responsibility of having children, you should be sexually abstinent or should’ve used birth control),
… the sister certainly does not deserve or is entitled to free baby sitting services at the expense of her sister’s job promotion!
Please be sure to see the additional comments I made BELOW the following link with excerpts:
It’s not my fault her life is a mess.
Advice By R. Eric Thomas
JUNE 02, 2022
I am happily single, while my sister is married to the biggest man-baby on the planet. He thinks putting a dirty dish in the sink is worthy of a parade and being a good parent is telling my sister the baby is crying before going back to his video game.
Both work full time, but my sister takes care of the kids, the house, and the dogs, and she constantly leans on me to help out (while complaining about her husband refusing to).
I have been watching and raising my young nieces since they were born when my sister can’t.
I love them to pieces—but I have been waiting for them to get old enough so my sister doesn’t have to pay for expensive infant care.
I am tired of being expected to pick them up from school five days a week and to take care of them when my sister works weekends while my brother-in-law goes camping with his friends.
My sister has gone back and forth about getting a divorce for years, and I have tried to be as neutral as I could possibly be, but we have fought about it. She tells me I can’t understand that a marriage is about compromise and companionship—I don’t get an opinion.
My problem is I put in for a promotion that requires me to move fairly far away—and I got it! It is a huge step in my career. When I took my sister out for a celebration lunch, she grew upset when I told her about the move.
She said I couldn’t abandon her now. She was pregnant again and would need me.
I told her that was the most selfish and self-centered thing she could possibly say to me.
Did she really expect me to orient my entire life around hers and her freaking failure of a husband?
My sister told me to shut up and insulted me—it isn’t like I had anything worthwhile going on in my life.
I shot back that at least I wasn’t as willfully stupid as she was; her husband didn’t lift a finger for baby one and two, did she think baby three would be any different? She got up and left.
She refuses to talk to me other than calling me to help out with my nieces.
I am frustrated beyond belief. I love my sister, but I have given seven years of my life to propping up hers, and she can’t be happy for me for once. What should I do?
— /// —
I am seriously convinced that a lot of people with these obnoxious entitled attitudes are somewhere on the narcissism spectrum.
And no, you should not cave in. The married sister is an adult – she can find alternative child care, it is NOT her sister’s responsibility.
If you are in a family or friendship like this and are even confused about what to do – you feel the need to write into an advice columnist – that tells me you may be codependent, a people pleaser, an empath with poor boundaries, or you’ve not done any research on personality disorders (such as Narcissism).
You need to spend time studying these topics to not only get it through your head your needs and feelings are just as important as anyone else’s,
you have a right to set boundaries,
but you need to be able to spot emotional vampires, manipulators, and narcissists as fast as you can so you can limit time around them, and learn how to handle them when you have no choice but to deal with them.
(Link): When You’re in Imbalanced, Unfair Relationships – You’re the Free Therapist, The Supportive, Sounding Board Who Listens to Other People’s Non-Stop Complaining, But They Don’t Listen to You – re: The Toilet Function of Friendship