“Three Rules to Avoid Cheating and Betrayal, From My Work as a Sexologist”
(Link): “Three rules to avoid cheating and betrayal, from my work as a sexologist”
August 16, 2020
by Dr. Robert Weiss
[who says he is a “licensed California therapist specializing in sex and intimacy”]
…As a sexologist, it is not my job to tell a couple that they must be monogamous. That is their choice to make. Or not. If they choose monogamy, my job is to help them negotiate their relationship boundaries and to help them find resolution if/when those boundaries are broken….
Having worked nearly half my life with families damaged by infidelity, I want to share three simple rules to help couples successfully negotiate monogamy, to avoid the pain associated when one partner cheats and to assist those struggling to overcome sexual betrayal.
1. Accept that cheating occurs when one spouse deliberately lies about or keeps meaningful secrets from the other. …
…Using my definition, cheating is less about specific sexual behaviors and more about lies and secrets used to cover up those behaviors.
And, as just about every betrayed partner I’ve ever worked with has told me, “It’s not the sex that causes the most pain. It’s that I no longer know who my partner is or trust anything that he/she says. How can we have an intimate connection when there’s no trust?”
2. Don’t do anything outside the relationship that you wouldn’t feel comfortable communicating honestly to your partner.
If you want to use porn, sext, or otherwise be sexual outside your primary relationship, no problem, just ask your spouse if it’s OK first. If your partner fully and openly consents to whatever it is that you want to do, then you’re not cheating when you do it.
But if you act on your desires without asking and receiving permission, you are cheating. …
— end excerpts —
Unfortunately, this guy repeats faulty research in his article where he claims that married (or coupled) persons are happier than single persons. Other studies do not bear that out. See links below.
(Link): Why We Thought Marriage Made Us Healthier, and Why We Were Wrong by Bella DePaulo
(Link): Unmarried and Childless Women Are the Happiest, Happiness Expert Claims
(Link): Pastors Say Adultery Shouldn’t Permanently Disqualify Clergy from Ministry: Survey
(Link): Married Father of Three Pastor Allegedly Committed Adultery, Raped Junior Woman Church Staffer, Used Church Funds to Fund Lavish Lifestyle
(Link): What If Marriage Is Overrated? – A social psychologist has been chipping away at many claims about marriage changing one’s life for the better
(Link): Codependence Is Not Oneness: What Christians Get Wrong About Relationships
(Link): Widows and Childless and Childfree Have Better Well Being Than Married Couples and Parents says new study
(Link): Do You Need a Partner to Have a Happy Life? by D. LaBier
(Link): Statistics Show Single Adults Now Outnumber Married Adults in the United States
(Link): Nearly 4 in 10 American Adults Live Without Spouse or Partner As Single Population Grows: Pew
(Link): Study: Couples Without Children Have Happier Marriages / Study: Having Kids Ruins Your Life
(Link): Critique of: Why Single Men May Not Be Having the Most Fun by W. B. Wilcox (who tends to be a marriage idolater and anti-singles bigot)
(Link): Authors at The Federalist Keep Bashing Singleness in the Service of Promoting Marriage – Which Is Not Okay
(Link): Fewer Americans Think Marriage is Needed To Create Strong Families, New Poll Suggest
(Link): Three Reasons Women’s Ministries Might Want to Focus Less on Marriage and Motherhood
(Link): I Married Young. I Was Widowed Young. I Never Want A Long-Term Partner Again by R. Woolf
(Link): Asking Too Much Of Marriage – Married People are Lonely
(Link): Pat Robertson Excuses Female Adultery – hey, we are all “sexual beings”
(Link): Most Pastors Say Their Churches Never Discipline Members for Sinful Misconduct, Survey Finds
(Link): Pat Robertson (Christian television host) to married woman: All men are cheaters, but that’s okay because they’re men