Another Misleading Christian Propaganda Piece About Marriage: ‘She Was Widowed With 3 Kids At 25 But God Had Plans For Her And A Widower To Find Love Again’
If this married couple is happy, I’m happy for them.
My problem is not with the couple particularly (well, maybe a little bit, but more on that way below), but my primary concern is that Christian outlets keep carrying these stories, stories which can be very misleading to single, Christian adults who read them and wonder,
“Why did God bless these two in this story with a spouse, but God never sent me a spouse? Where is the spouse I spent years praying for and trusting in God for?”
There are a lot of Christian women out there who wanted to be married, but it never happened for them, including devout Christian women who followed all the evangelical, Baptist, or otherwise Christian, rules they were taught to follow when younger on how to get married.
A devout Christian single who desires marriage can live a godly life, devoted to Jesus, and follow all the “how to get married” books and magazine articles by Christians – but still never get married. Such a person can find him or herself single into his or her 30s, 40s, 50s, or older.
I don’t see too many Christians or publications admit to that possibility and reality – and it’s not just me. In my years of blogging here, I’ve seen many other single, Christian women (and some men) say they are in the same situation, and not just online but on occasionally on Christian television shows that take viewer questions for advice.
I have a lot more to say below this link and excerpts, so please keep reading and scrolling:
By Mel Johnson On June 23, 2022
Brittany and Daniel Brooker were both widowed at young ages and both had small children to raise. But God led them through their grief to one day find love again as the Brooker Bunch!
At weddings, a couple vows to love one another for “as long as they both shall live.” And most of us assume that life will span multiple decades.
Sadly, though, that’s not always the case. Sometimes lives are cut short. And that was the case for the first marriages of Brittany and Daniel Brooker.
Becoming A Young Widower
Doctors diagnosed Daniel’s wife Lyndsie with cancer at just 19 years old. Lyndsie fought bravely and beat the disease then and again at 21 years old. During that time, Daniel and Lyndsie married and adopted two children.
But years later, Lyndsie’s cancer came back out of nowhere. And this time, at 28 years old in 2015, she found her healing in Heaven.
…The loss left Daniel Brooker devastated and questioning his future now that the love of his life was gone. But God never left Daniel’s side and assured him there were blessings to come.
“God spoke to me so clearly,” Daniel says. “He said, ‘That connection that you desire with Lyndsie and that you want — you can have it. But it’s through Me. And what she’s doing right now is worshipping Me. Why don’t you try that?’”
…Becoming A Young Widow
In 2015, before Brittany ever knew Daniel Brooker, she too was experiencing the grief of losing a spouse.
Brittany and Patrick were each other’s first relationship. The pair wed in 2011. Brittany recalls how the two promised to be faithful to one another “until Christ calls me home.”
By 2015, the couple had three kids under the age of three. Life was hectic but extremely blessed. Then, one day, Brittany received a call from Patrick’s boss that changed everything.
Patrick suffered a fall at work and when Brittany arrived at the hospital, she could tell from everyone’s faces the news wasn’t good.
“I’m so sorry Brittany, but Patrick died,” they told her. “His heart just stopped beating.”
At the age of 25 and with three boys under the age of three, Brittany became a widow. But just like with Daniel Brooker, the Lord was with Brittany in her time of grief, too.
“I also felt Jesus just sitting with me and saying, ‘I feel your pain. It’s going to be ok. I’m going to walk you through this’,” Brittany recalls.
Brittany And Daniel Brooker Become The Brooker Bunch
Both Brittany and Daniel Brooker leaned into God during their darkest moments. And He carried them through. And when their hearts were ready, God brought the widower and widow together to form the Brooker Bunch!
… Though their story includes plenty of tears and heartache, Brittany and Daniel share it to show the goodness and faithfulness of God through all seasons of our lives. And even in the toughest times, God is weaving together something beautiful.
— end excerpts —
“She found her healing in Heaven?”
– How about, “God did not answer her prayers, or her family’s prayers, for her healing?” and write articles explaining why God doesn’t always help or heal everyone who asks?
What a pollyanna euphemism: “…found her healing in Heaven.”
No, she died of cancer.
Oddly and unfortunately, this site, “God Updates” seems to offer more of the same material, as they have this headline linked to on that page (no, I refuse to link to it):
RELATED: Fixer Upper Widow Invites Pastor to See Renovations And Hours Later He’s On One Knee
When I was younger, I used to see the occasional “this is how we met” story by Christians, where presumably, God brought a couple together and found it hopeful or inspiring, as in, “If God could bring these two people together, surely he will do the same for me.”
So I saw those stories, heard similar rhetoric from Christian youth pastors and read it in Christian dating advice books, had faith, prayed, lived a clean life style, trusted God, attended churches, tried Christian dating sites, and yet, I remain never-married into my 50s.
I’ve learned to make peace with my singles status as I got into my – well I don’t know exactly when, but I’d estimate around my mid-40s or so, but that so many Christian people or these Christian publications keep presenting marriage as this situation where God will assure you that you will receive a spouse (and in a timely fashion) is very misleading.
It gets the hopes up of someone who’d like to be married, but they may never meet their Mr. (or Ms.) Right. It’s false hope.
In so far as this Christian couple interviewed for this story is passing their marriage off as being God’s work (which it may not be – maybe it’s just coincidence they met) or as “this can happen to you too” is where I take issue with the married couple.
They are being active participants in a potentially harmful move towards other adults who’d like to marry but are striking out in meeting compatible mates.
I just re-skimmed the article but it doesn’t mention specifically how the couple met, not that I could see. It doesn’t mention if these two met over a Christian dating site, if they bumped into each other at a church, or if a mutual friend set them up, or what.
The truth is, the reality is, you can be a great person, a devout Christian, live a clean lifestyle, you can be trusting in God to send you a spouse, but you may never, ever marry.
I’m not trying to be a Debbie Downer or a cynic, but I do believe in being a realist, which means accepting reality.
If you don’t accept reality – things as they are, or if you cannot or will not accept that your life may not change the way you want it to – you can end up becoming depressed and hopeless, or staying mired in depression for years.
You can enjoy life single. You may have to learn how to do so, if there is a God and this God chooses not to send a spouse your way, and years of trying dating sites and singles classes at local churches has lead no where.
To find any peace and to move on, you’ll have to accept your reality the way it is, and accept that you may never marry – but that’s okay.
You will need to allow yourself time to grieve and feel sad or angry for not getting what you had hoped to, but if you keep living with this magical expectation that there’s this God who is going to send you a spouse (the way he supposedly did for these couples in these “how we met” stories), you’re not likely to ever recover.
And I’m not saying you have to stop wanting marriage. I’m not shaming any adult over the age of 35 who’d still like to marry but there are no prospects in sight. I am still somewhat open to marriage myself, if I were to meet the right guy – but I’m okay with being single now.
If you make your happiness contingent on external factors (which are largely beyond your control), you’re assuring yourself a lifetime of depression.
You can learn to enjoy aspects of life that don’t include whatever your original hope, dream, or expectation was, whether it was getting married or whatever it was. You can create a new dream or a new goal.
And I just wish, I really wish, that Christian television shows, blogs, social media accounts, sermons, books, magazines, and radio programs, would stop perpetuating these “fantasy” stories where supposedly, God magically presents a single adult with their perfect match, and they marry and live happily ever after – because this is not how life works out for most of us.
(Link): Stop Believing God Told You to Marry Your Spouse by G. Thomas
(Link): Critique of Federalist Editorial “There Is One Pro-Women Camp In American Politics, And It’s The Right by Elle Reynolds” – Do Federalist Magazine Members Realize There Are Single, Childless Conservative Women?
(Link): What Two Religions Tell Us About the Modern Dating Crisis (from TIME) (ie, Why Are Conservative Religious Women Not Marrying Even Though They Want to Be Married. Hint: It’s a Demographics Issue)
(Link): Single and 40: Dealing with Disappointment by L. Bishop