I’m Child-Free by Choice So No, I Don’t Want to Look After Your Kids by Jana Hocking
This is interesting… it’s (the essay below, via New York Post) presented from a secular vantage, so I’m not sure what the religious beliefs are here, or if everyone discussed is an atheist or what, but I can tell you as a former Southern Baptist, former evangelical Christian, that most Christians exploit single, childless adults and assume that all single, childless adults ADORE children, are only good for free babysitting services. And that is all false.
While I am pro-life on abortion (I don’t support abortion), I do NOT enjoy being around babies, toddlers, and little kids and have no interest in babysitting them.
The false, condescending idea that all single, childless adults should babysit the children of married couples for free at any and all times and LOVE doing it!!, is very, very common among Baptist and Protestant Christians (I’ve never been Roman Catholic, so I cannot speak to that).
But often in their sermons, podcasts, books, or literature about singleness (if and when the Christian idiots bother to address adult singleness at all, because they usually ignore the topic),
they always advise single adults (especially women) that they should help their “married with children” couples in their lives (especially in their churches) by babysitting their children for free. How obnoxious.
But it’s a very common theme that turns up in Christian thinking.
Years ago, I did a blog post here about a totally obnoxious, hideous post published in “Christianity Today” magazine by a married-with-kids woman who started the editorial out nicely enough, when she talked about how churches treat single, childless adults like trash (yes, they do), but then that wonderful opening transitioned into a vomitous, disgusting explanation at how churches should value single, childless adults for all the free babysitting they can provide nuclear families.
Just when I thought I had found a wonderful essay uplifting and affirming single, childless adults, and acknowledging how horribly Christian culture mistreats single, childless adults, married bitch has to go and ruin the essay by making it into another gross, “single adults are only good and useful for the services they can provide to married parents, like babysit my kids for free, since I’m a mother to toddlers, I have no immediate family near me, and the parenting leaves me exhausted all day!” spiel.
This below sounds like the secular version of that.
And it’s so wrong. Damn it all, am I ever sick and tired of married- with- kids couples acting as though their single, childless friends have life so much easier then they do and that these single adult friends “owe” babysitting services to them. It pisses me off to no end. And I’m also effing sick of Christian culture for upholding this same singles-exploiting crap in their books, tweets, You Tube videos, sermons, etc.
(Link): I’m child-free by choice so no, I don’t want to look after your kids by Jana Hocking
By Jana Hocking, News.com.au (in New York Post)
Oct 13, 2022
Look, there’s no polite way to put this: Dear people with kids, look after your own damn children!
There, I said it.
This fury has been quietly raging in me for a couple of years now. It started when a few of my girlfriends started coupling off.
Sure, I’ve managed to come to peace with the fact that once my friends find their special person, I’m probably not going to see them for a couple of months. At least until they’ve come out of that honeymoon period.
I’ve never complained, because I’ve secretly hoped they would understand when I too, went through that phase. It’s exciting, and lusty and totally worth dumping your friends for a few months of lovey dovey ridiculousness.
But then something happens once they start having kids.
We singletons become less friends, and more servants to you and your children. Think I’m being extreme? I’m really not!
Take this for example, last weekend I’m sitting at the pub with my fellow single, child-free girlfriends enjoying a cheeky bottle of sparkles when one of my friends runs in, late from visiting her coupled up friends with kids. She is in a mood.
As we hastily pour her a big glass of something containing alcohol, she sighs and explains that these friends are “seriously taking the p—ss!” We lean in as she explains that she was given a gap of two hours on a Sunday afternoon to come visit them, as the kids had no sports games to go to, no other child’s parties, and they would be home.
Hurrah! She drops everything and scoots over there, as she hasn’t seen them in yonks and this friendship is important to her. She’s there for no longer then 10 minutes before she’s hit in the head by a flying football.
Then comes the favor: Turns out they are moving house the following weekend and would like her to help them pack and move boxes, then entertain the kids while the movers do their thing.
Now for reference, this couple are doing quite well for themselves. They have the money to pay for a babysitter, and those fancy movers who pack everything up pre-move.
But no, instead they assumed their very single friend would have nothing better to do with her weekend then pack up someone else’s house and entertain someone else’s kids.
This friend works ridiculously hard during the week and having chosen not to have kids of her own, means that her weekends are a special time for her to unwind and recoup for the following busy week.
Now don’t get me wrong, I get the whole, “It takes a village to raise a child” thing, but when did we become free babysitters?
I’ve noticed it a lot with my own friends and family who have kids.
I’ll arrive at a dinner party, super excited to catch up with them, only to be greeted at the door with a, “Oh look kids, Jana’s come to play!” before I’m rushed to rumpus room to play boring games with the kids while Mum and Dad go and chill with a wine.
Can I object? Nope, because then I’m a party pooper. But do I want to guess what little Johnny has in his mouth for the millionth time … nope. That is literal torture to me.
Yes, I am aware that makes me selfish, but I’ve made the life choice not to have them, so I would prefer not to be tricked into it, thank you very much.
So where do you draw the line? If you say: “I’d love to catch up with you but not your kids,” you’re a bad friend, but the alternative sees you giving up your weekends to play Superman in the backyard with someone else’s child. No, thank you.
Thankfully, I’ve got a brilliant lifelong friend who knows me well enough to know our friendship comes with a no-kids boundary. Instead, she makes sure her husband is on dad duty while we go and enjoy a glorious long lunch. We both get something out of it.
We can enjoy a really good conversation without the constant interruption of children, and she gets to leave the house for some proper adult time. Honestly, I can’t recommend it enough.
So, while I’m super chuffed for all you clucky folk who have taken the very adult step of having children, I would ask that you remember that we childless folk prefer to spend our weekends in the company of adults, and less flying balls, snot and tantrums … well, only my own.
(Link): Self-Serving Editorial at CT: Married With Kids Lady Says ‘Why Christians Need to Embrace a Changing Definition of Family’ – But She Wants Free Baby Sitting
(Link): The Dad Is The A-Hole: Dad Rages as Wife Refuses to Pay for His Kids from Another Marriage
(Link): Another Christianity Today Magazine Editorial (2019) Expects Single Women To Meet the Needs of Married Women – Christians Never Ask the Reverse
(Link): Greedy, Entitled Mother Expects Her Childless Friend to Buy Daughter Computer, DVD Player, or Digital Tablet
(Link): Three Reasons Women’s Ministries Might Want to Focus Less on Marriage and Motherhood
(Link): Editorial at Christianity Today ActuallySuggests that It Takes Motherhood To Make A Woman Become Mature / Also: Homeless Mother Stays In Hotel Room and Makes Her Toddlers Sleep on the Street
(Link): Christians: Please Stop Telling Singles that Their Singleness is “For God’s Glory” / Owen Strachan’s “Being Single To Bring God Glory” Essay
(Link): A Grown-Up, Not Sexed-Up, View of Womanhood (article) – how Christian teachings on gender and singlehood contribute to raunch culture and fornication etc
(Link): Condescending Remarks About Single and Childless Women on Christian Gender Complementarian Site: ‘Motherhood or Singleness: Which Is More Sanctifying?’
(Link): Loving the child-free people in your church by S. Burden
(Link): Sorry, but being a mother is not the most important job in the world by Catherine Deveny
(Link): Motherhood Does Not Make Women More Godly or Mature (Mother Suffocates New Born and Shoves It In Toilet)
(Link): The Irrelevancy To Single or Childless or Childfree Christian Women of Biblical Gender Complementarian Roles / Biblical Womanhood Teachings
(Link): Mother Entitlement – Selfish, Self-Centered Mothers Complain that They Are Not Getting ENOUGH Mother Worship from Culture, Church, or Family on Mother’s Day and Some Moms Complain About Churches Showing Compassion to Childless Women
(Link): Family as “The” Backbone of Society? – It’s Not In The Bible
(Link): Federalist Magazine Staff Annoyed that Other Outlets Publish the Down Side of Motherhood and Are Requesting Sunny Motherhood Propaganda Pieces – As If Conservatives Haven’t Pushed for Motherhood Enough? The Mind Boggles
(Link): Church to Members: We Honor Only Mothers With Biological, Not Adopted, Children (via Ask Amy)
(Link): Lies The Church Tells Single (and childless) Women (by Sue Bohlin)
(Link): The Not Mom Blog: Childless by Chance Topic and Other Posts
(Link): Are Marriage and Family A Woman’s Highest Calling? by Marcia Wolf – and other links that address the Christian fallacy that a woman’s most godly or only proper role is as wife and mother
(Link): Childless and happy: The new tribe of women?
(Link): Why all the articles about being Child Free? On Being Childfree or Childless – as a Conservative / Right Wing / Christian
(Link): Christian Blogger About Divorce, Pastor Andrew Webb, Thinks All To Most Mid-Life Never – Married or Single – Again Adults Are Mal-Adjusted, Ugly Losers Who Have Too Much Baggage
(Link): To the Christians (especially married ones) Who Like to Instruct Single Christian Adults They Should Only Marry Other Christians, Listen Up (Re: Equally Yoked Rule)
(Link): Marriage Does Not Make People More Godly, Mature, or Sexually Ethical
(Link): Husband-Hunting is the Worst Part of a Christian Upbringing – Christianity Made Me Obsessed with Finding a Husband – by B. Ramos
(Link): False Christian Teaching: “Only A Few Are Called to Singleness and Celibacy” or (also false): “God’s gifting of singleness is rare”
(Link): Christians Advise Singles To Follow Certain Dating Advice But Then Shame, Criticize, or Punish Singles When That Advice Does Not Work
(Link): “Who is my mother and who are my brothers?” – one of the most excellent Christian rebuttals I have seen against the Christian idolatry of marriage and natalism, and in support of adult singleness and celibacy – from CBE’s site