The Dad Is The A-Hole: Dad Rages as Wife Refuses to Pay for His Kids from Another Marriage
As someone who has no desire to marry a dude previously married and especially a previously married guy with kids from said previous marriage, I am on “Team Stacey” on this one.
I was always sexually responsible… I did not diddle around outside of marriage, because I didn’t want to get pregnant (birth control is not 100% effective, and I don’t believe in abortion).
If you’re divorced and you re-marry, it is not your new spouse’s job, obligation, or duty to emotionally or financially support your crotch fruit from your previous relationship. No psychologist, therapist, of family counselor out there can convince me otherwise.
And single parents can be huge hypocrites on this one – I used to lurk at child free forums filled with never-married, child free adults who said they keep noticing on dating sites and dating apps that the single parents say they expect YOU to be a loving, nurturing, considerate step-parent to their kids from a previous marriage,
but
they also specify in their dating profiles that they do not want YOU to have any kids of your own from one of your prior relationships
– those types of single parents can go f*ck themselves sideways.
The hypocrisy with single parents who demand you be okay with them already having children (and these are often also the same types who annoyingly insist on their profile pages that they and their kids are a “package deal,” and “you MUST ACCEPT THAT FULLY” – insert barf emoji here 🤮) while they are not okay with YOU already having kids (if you do), and they also demand that only child-free adults contact them for dating in their dating profiles – is astounding.
I myself never married, I was sexually abstinent, so I never had children, I did not want that responsibility, so I was sexually responsible. If you think I would be willing to take on parent-like responsibilities (or any at all) to YOUR children from your last relationship, think again.
This guy is entitled.
It’s not his second wife’s responsibility to care for his kids from a former marriage, financial or otherwise – and especially considering he pressured, demanded, forced her, or expected her, to pay for half of all household expenses, which his children from his first marriage benefit from.
But I can imagine a percentage of single parents out there RAGING at that – miffed at the idea that there are childless adults such as myself who don’t feel the least obligated to help them raise their kids from another partner. That’s how life goes.
My dating preferences and values are mine. I am not obligated to change them because someone else is having a total hissy fit due to poor life choices they made, and I refuse to go along with it.
I have no empathy for this guy. Zippo. His second wife owes his kids from Marriage One nothing, not in the form of financial support, not like how he is demanding.
Beyond the bare, bare minimum, the spouse owes nothing here – if one of the kids from the former marriage is getting eaten by an alligator, yes the non-biological parent should dial animal control, the police, or whomever one calls for help in such a situation to get the kid to safety – but beyond basics like that, NO.
This example below is why, if you are a never married, childless adult you never, ever date or marry someone with children from a previous relationship, unless perhaps those kids are out of the house and self-sufficient, unless you really, really relish the idea of raising someone else’s brats.
So this entitled guy has three children from his first marriage to “Hannah” and two children via his second wife, (who he calls “Stacey“) for a total of five children for him.
And notice that being a five time parent has not made this guy more loving, ethical, responsible, mature, or godly.
About the ONLY part of his letter that makes me think that Stacey, the second wife, is being unfair, weird, or unreasonable, is where he says she demands that he pay her the same amount in child care for THEIR children together that she sends the ex-wife (“Hannah”) in child support. I just find that very odd.
If the dude is already paying half of house-hold expenses (she’s paying the other half), I don’t see the need for that.
A dude should not be paying a current-wife “child support” for kids they have – if he’s already paying or partially paying for food, lodging, etc. I’ve never before heard of a current spouse paying child support to another current spouse.
That is just bizarre and too controlling or petty on the part of “Stacey.” But to the rest of it, no, I’m not on the husband’s side here.
(Link): Dad rages as wife refuses to pay for his kids from another marriage
by Christine Younan
The anonymous man has been left raging as he claims his wife refuses to pay “her fair share” when it comes to his children from another marriage. He opened up on Reddit
Oct 23 2022
….Now one man is raging as his wife won’t pay “her fair share” when it comes to his kids from another marriage.
The woman does however pay her half of the joint household expenses, which involve things for the children.
Taking the Reddit, the dad-of-five explained his point-of-view as he still supports his three sprogs with his ex-wife.
He said he’s been married to his wife Stacey [the second wife], 30, for about five years now and they share two children together.
The man wrote: “I also share three children with my ex-wife Hannah, 37.
“Ever since Stacey and I got together she has made it very clear to me that my three children are mine and Hannah’s responsibility, not hers. This has worked out well so far, but lately it has been taking a toll on me.
“I pay Hannah child support every month, ever since Stacey had our first child she has demanded that I give her the same amount of money each month to keep things ‘fair’.
“In addition, I have to pay for half of our joint household expenses (ie mortgage, utilities, food) and my own car. Stacey pays for the majority of expenses for our children.”
But the problem for the man is that his wife Stacey has an issue with covering expenses for his kids.
He added: “Anytime she purchases anything for them, she immediately sends me a Venmo request and demands I cover all expenses related to children that are ‘not hers’.
“We recently went on a family vacation and she demanded that I pay for half of the portion for our children and all of the portion for Hannah’s.
“I told her that all theses expenses are taking a hit in my finances and she didn’t seem to care. She reiterated that my children are my responsibility.
And to add even more insult, his wife started contributing money to college funds for her kids, while he and his ex haven’t saved anything for their children.
He told Stacey he needs her to start paying her fair share of expenses but the argument went out of control so she took their kids to her parent’s house.
The man ended the post asking Reddit users if he’s an “a**hole” for demanding she pay her fair share.
One said: “Sounds like she pays for half of the household expenses AND the majority of the expenses related to your shared children.”
Another insisted the dad was wrong because he asks his wife to “pay for half of their household, half-ish of their own kids and some portion of his kids with his ex”.
— end article excerpts —
The fact that you chose to marry, engage in sexual behavior, and create three crotch fruit prior to Stacey is not Stacey’s fault or responsibility – those were YOUR choices, not hers.
He’s trying to make another adult responsible for his responsibilities – nope, that won’t fly.
I cannot be swayed by arguments as in, “But they’re married! They’re supposed to be a unit!,” etc. I don’t care.
I can just imagine me – childless me, never before married – ending up in a situation like this, where my first husband expects me to babysit or pay for children from his first marriage to another woman (with me being the second wife, childless, in this hypothetical scenario). HELL NO.
Any time you have sex, pregnancy is a possible consequence, even if one or both people are using some form of birth control.
I am annoyed by people like this guy who tries to make his problem someone else’s problem.
If you could not financially afford five children, you should’ve abstained from sex or insist each wife use birth control, or you should have given up the kids for adoption.
I have zero interest in dating or getting seriously romantically involved with a guy who has children from a previous relationship, at least if the kids are underage. This AITA advice column letter is one example of why that it so.
Related:
(Link): Why You Shouldn’t Love Your Kids More Than Your Partner by B. Luscombe
(Link): I’m Child-Free by Choice So No, I Don’t Want to Look After Your Kids by Jana Hocking
(Link): Yes, You Need to Prioritize Your Marriage Over Your Kids by V. Pelley
(Link): ‘I Hate My Ex-Wife So I Moved Next Door and Erected a Middle Finger Statue’
(Link): Dumbfounded by Stepson’s ‘Humiliating’ Father’s Day Gift: ‘I Almost Cried’
(Link): Nine Questions To Ask On A First Date, According To Divorce Lawyers by B. Wong
(Link): “I’m a Divorce Lawyer. Here Are The 5 Most Common Marriage Problems I See”
(Link): Why Older Singles Aren’t Looking To Couple Up by Janet Siroto
(Link): Dear Abby: I Gave Up Dating, and 30 Years Later, I’m Lonely
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