What I Wish the Church Knew About Singles by Elizabeth Riese
(Link): What I Wish the Church Knew About Singles by Elizabeth Riese
-via Relevant’s site, which permits the reader five free articles per month…. anything beyond that requires a subscription
Excerpts:
October 27, 2022
… Singleness is not a subject that is foreign to me — I have been single the majority of my 30 years of life. In recent years, I have found myself declaring to my friends often how tragically imperfect the Church is in its attitude toward single people.
There often seems to be a sense in Christian circles that being single means you have not yet “arrived” or been made complete. Marriage is often spoken about as the most sanctifying experience a believer can have, helping a person become more like Jesus as they learn to unconditionally love their spouse.
Yet, as Dr. Bella DePaulo pointed out on the CXMH: On Faith & Mental Health podcast, there are many events in life besides marriage that are sanctifying. Grief, suffering, pain, loss — each of these experiences can deeply shape a person and make them more like Christ. Why do we like to hold up marriage as the experience that makes us most like our Savior, who was never married Himself?
Even further, the Church’s focus on and exaltation of marriage often leads to a neglect of discussing the very real struggles and issues inherent in singleness.
…The truth is that being single is not a curse, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. It can be lonely and isolating and downright discouraging at times. And it often feels like the Church is doing little to help.
…I can’t tell you how many of my friends who earnestly desired to reserve sex for marriage simply became worn down by the waiting.
After years of dating in search of a godly husband, one friend finally declared to me that she was done with the idea that God wanted her to wait for marriage to have sex. “A God like that is a sadist,” she said. A short time later she moved in with her boyfriend.
… Yet when married Christians tell singles they need to be more grateful for their season of life because it is so much simpler than marriage, it simultaneously minimizes the challenges of pursuing godly singleness while also suggesting that marriage is a negative thing. Both of those messages are discouraging!
So what is the Church — and individual churches — to do with this? How does a body of believers (many times led by men who were married in their early 20’s) relate to, encourage, and disciple the single people in their midst?
First of all, we can acknowledge that language matters. Churches often focus so much on families in their messaging that it can feel like single people are invisible. It doesn’t have to be that way though. A former pastor of mine was intentional about not only referring to “your spouse” or “your child” when he spoke about significant relationships in his congregants’ lives, but would often also include roommates and friends. The simple acknowledgement that not everyone in the room was in a living situation which involved family made me feel like I was seen.
Another thing that would be encouraging is to see single people celebrated and included in more ways in the Church. Two of the most frequent community celebrations in the Church are weddings and baby showers. These are important life events to acknowledge, but, as Jon Tyson once pointed out, we need to get good at celebrating other life events which affect people in different stages of life as well — graduations, job promotions, retirements, etc.
…There are few things which make me sadder than when people sequester themselves into communities of people who are all in the same stage of life, who look and think the same way they do. There is a huge opportunity in the Church to meet the needs of others simply by reaching out and getting to know people who are different.
Related:
(Link): Celebrating Milestones in the Lives of Single Adults – by Anna Broadway
(Link): Only Couples Allowed? The Need to Celebrate Singleness in the Church by P. Greer
(Link): Groom Shot Dead in Front of Wife Just Moments After Wedding in Mexico
(Link): It’s Never Too Late for Love: Widows, 100 and 102, Marry After a Year of Dating by J. Hanh
(Link): What Christians Really Think About the Church’s Relationship Advice by Anna Broadway
(Link): I Uncovered an Army of Fake Men on (Dating App) Hinge by Lauren Good
(Link): Myths About Never Married Adults Over Age 40
(Link): The Gift of Singleness – A Mistranslation and a Poorly Used Cliche’
(Link): Really, It’s Okay To Be Single – In order to protect marriage, we should be careful not to denigrate singleness – by Peter Chin
(Link): Four in 10 Adults Between the Ages of 25 and 54 are Single, Up From 29% in 1990
(Link): Codependence Is Not Oneness: What Christians Get Wrong About Relationships
(Link): Lies The Church Tells Single Women (by Sue Bohlin)
(Link): ‘Why Are You Single’ Lists That Do Not Pathologize Singles by Bella DePaulo
(Link): Five Things Single Women Hate to Hear
(Link): Really, It’s Okay To Be Single – In order to protect marriage, we should be careful not to denigrate singleness – by Peter Chin
(Link): The Obligatory, “Oh, but if you’re single you can still benefit from my marriage sermon” line
(Link): Article: My Savior My Spouse? – Is God or Jesus Your Husband Isaiah 54:5
(Link): Following the Usual Advice Won’t Get You Dates or Married – Even Celebrities Have A Hard Time
(Link): Stop Telling Your Single Friends to Try Dating Sites – Please.
(Link): Responding to the Cliche’ “Jesus Is All You Need” – Re Christian Singles
(Link): Why Are So Many Single Women Leaving the Church? by K. Gaddini
(Link): Christian Double Standard – Pray Earnestly For Anything & Everything – Except Marriage?
(Link): Article: 30 And Single? It’s Your Own Fault
(Link): Desire for Marriage is Idolatry?
(Link): Single Adult Christian Pressured Into Marriage by Her Church – And Regrets It
(Link): People Who Find Themselves Single Again – Death of a Spouse – Widow Widower
(Link): Married Woman Says She’s Lonely Because Her Husband Works All The Time
(Link): Why is it So Hard For Women to Make New Friends? by G. Kovanis
(Link): Women Who Dump Women Friends As Soon As They Get A Spouse or Boyfriend (Letter to Advice Columnist)
(Link): Single People Aren’t Problems to Be Fixed or Threats to Be Neutralized By Ella Hickey
(Link): Should Churches Aid (In) Matchmaking For Lonely Singles? by John Stonestreet
(Link): Unmarried and Childless Women Are the Happiest, Happiness Expert Claims (2019 Study)
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