The Most Important Factor in Aging Happily as a Single Person: Guest Post by Cathy Goodwin
I think this is from Bella DePaulo’s Medium account.
By the way, the anecdote about all the married couples immediately departing from welcoming the new woman neighbor once they found out she had no husband?
Read the book “Singled Out” by Field and Colon to see example after example of Christians doing the SAME THING to new single adults who show up in their lives, even to church services or church events (such as luncheons) –
– the minute the married Christian women find out you are single and/or childless, they immediately act freaked out, or weirded out, and will turn their back on you to run across the room to greet a woman who they know is married and/or a mother.
Treating adult singles as though they are dangerous, weird, or flawed, and then immediately avoiding them to run off in search of another married mother to chat with, is very hurtful behavior to the adult singles in question, but it seems to be common behavior by married Christians in many churches and Christian culture.
Married Christian men treat single women as though they are all harlots, so they avoid single women, which is also insulting, demeaning, and hurtful behavior. (At least this is true of the Christian married men who aren’t looking to commit adultery.)
God says in the Bible he does not play favorites, and I believe God instructs Christians to avoid playing favorites
– which would mean, (and since so many Christians have turned The Nuclear Family into idols they worship), Christians do play favorites, they almost always prioritize married parents above single, childless adults, and so,
they will instantly ignore or otherwise marginalize any adult who crosses their path (even at church) if that adult is single and childless (ie, these adults don’t have a Nuclear Family of their own, they’re not married parents).
The church should not be doing this; the church is supposed to be above this behavior – but it’s not.
(Link): The Most Important Factor in Aging Happily as a Single Person: Guest Post by Cathy Goodwin
Excerpts:
Aging happily while single isn’t about doctors, diets or relationships. It’s about choosing the best place to live.
Nov 11, 2022
From Bella: Guest blogger Cathy Goodwin really knows how to get to the heart of things that matter to single people.
A guest post she wrote for my Living Single blog on (Link): how the medical establishment makes it hard for single people to get the care they need, is one that readers go back to again and again. Now she is out with a new, provocative book on aging, (Link): When I Grow Old I Plan to be a Bitch.
Prepare to hear some ideas you’ve never encountered before, and to laugh out loud along the way. I invited Cathy Goodwin to write a guest post about aging when single and I am delighted that she agreed.
The Most Important Factor in Aging Happily as a Single Person
By Cathy Goodwin
Go to any online forum about being single, growing older, or even “being single while growing older.” You’ll find dozens of posts like this:
“I can’t seem to find anything meaningful to occupy my time.”
“I’m having trouble making new friends.”
“I couldn’t get help when I was sick.”
“I feel like an outsider in my community.”
“I’m just not enjoying life the way I’d hoped.”
What happened to most of these folks?
They’d say they’re lonely. They might say, “It’s part of growing old.” They’d be wrong.
The truth is, they moved to a place that’s all wrong for them.
I’ve never bought into the myth, “If you’re not happy here, you won’t be happy anywhere.” Some places will be hostile to you and your lifestyle, no matter how hard you try.
When I interviewed people for my book on moving, Martha told me about moving to a nice neighborhood in a midwestern city. A successful sales rep, she could easily afford some luxury.
When she moved in, the neighbors showed up with cakes and pies. They were eager to welcome her…till they asked, “Where’s your husband?”
No husband? Martha laughed as she remembers the welcoming group making a beeline for the door, abandoning all the goodies they’d brought. They couldn’t get out fast enough.
The truth is, some places are hospitable to single people and some are hostile. If you move to a place that’s hostile, you’ll be isolated. Over time, you may break down some barriers. But you can expect some “lonely time,” especially when you’re a newcomer.
Why do so many single people end up in locations that are practically guaranteed to deny them happiness and fulfillment, especially as they get older?
Here are the 3 biggest reasons.
(1) You move to be closer to family and friends. So, you figure, you’ll always have someone to talk to.
The truth is, once you’ve moved, your relationship changes. When you visit every six months, you’re the star. When you’ve lived there awhile, you see each other much less often.
Moving for the grandchildren? They grow up fast! In just a few years they’re busy with their friends, traveling to away games with sports teams, and eventually leaving for college or careers.
Make sure you’re moving to a place where you have the opportunity to create your own life, on your own terms. You’ll make friends when you choose activities you enjoy — not when you join groups to “meet more people.”
(2) You decide to save money by moving to a small town or a remote rural area.
….It’s easy to feel lonely and stressed when you need help. It’s also harder to make friends because you get marked as “needy.” Contrary to what you may hear on those chirpy-cheery forums, you’re not doing someone a favor when you give them the “opportunity” to be of service.
(visit the web page to read all the content under point 2)
(3) You hear it’s easier to make friends in an “over-55” community.
…Others find they’re feeling even more like outsiders. Cliques and insider groups aren’t unusual and (Link): they can be cruel.
Being single — especially never-married with no children — may set you apart.
Your neighbors may get caught up in visits from children and grandchildren.
… Bottom Line: Know yourself and do your research.
The most successful path to aging involves being brutally honest with yourself about who you are and what you need. Secondly, don’t skip on research when you choose your destination.
… Finally, if your life isn’t working, don’t fall for stereotypes like“Older people are lonely” or, “Single people don’t make friends easily.”
Read that entire post (Link): here
Related:
(Link): Survey Reveals Singles Over 50s Can Still Be A Good Catch
(Link): Sick, Dying, and Raped in America’s Nursing Homes
(Link): Sorry, but being a mother is not the most important job in the world by Catherine Deveny
(Link): Is The Church Failing Childless Women? by Diane Paddison
(Link): Your Attitude About Aging Could Add 7.5 Years to Your Life
(Link): Woman Told She Can’t Dine Alone: ‘Next Time Bring A Friend’
(Link): Theme Park Bans Single Adults For Fear They Are All Pedophiles
(Link): The Biggest Threat To Middle-Aged Men: Loneliness
(Link): Coronavirus: Even Married People With Children Die All Alone
(Link): I Married Young. I Was Widowed Young. I Never Want A Long-Term Partner Again by R. Woolf
(Link): Why So Many Baby Boomers are Getting Divorced (2013 article)
(Link): Why Older Singles Aren’t Looking To Couple Up by Janet Siroto
(Link): Once Married, Twice Shy: Remarriage Rates Are Plummeting
Christian Pundit 