Teacher Reveals How a Man She Was Polite to at a Restaurant STALKED Her for THREE MONTHS
This has been a big problem in my life, and I’m sure many other women have encountered the same issue: your friendliness or mere politeness is often mistaken by men for flirtation, or is taken advantage of by super desperate, socially awkward men.
I’ve discussed before my 3 plus decades of having a super sweet, codependent nature. Additionally, as far back as my pre-teen years, I was the girl who felt sorry for the odd-ball kids who sat by themselves in the cafeteria at lunch, so though I was pretty shy myself, I’d occasionally say a few kind words to some of those types of kids. Some of them were boys, and frequently, they’d mistake my kindness for flirtation and start acting flirty with me and following me around.
All of that, as well as my openness when discussing my own issues at times on blogs like this one, has made me an attractive target to mentally damaged, depressed, or covert narcissistic people who approach me online and start to cling to me to get their emotional needs met. It’s exhausting and can be creepy depending on how stalker-ish and insistent the person is.
I’ve since learned to be assertive, have boundaries, and be more careful about who I allow into my life.
Anyway, a lot of men out there – of all ages – need to understand that just because a woman is being polite to you, being friendly, or making platonic, pleasant conversation, does NOT necessarily mean she is interested in you romantically or that she wants to date you, so stop creeping women out with your behavior!
If you’re interested romantically in the woman, be straight up and tell her so, and ask her if you can take her out to dinner or a coffee or a movie some time, and if she says no, or appears uninterested, then back off.
Jan. 13, 2023
A woman has opened up about how she was stalked by a random man for three months after being polite to him in a restaurant, saying he showed up at her workplace twice claiming to be an ‘old friend.’
Patty Brem, 44, from California, shared her terrifying story on Twitter last month as a warning to both men and women. The teacher explained that the stranger tracked her down after she naively told him what high school she worked at.
‘This experience has forever changed how I will act with strangers,’ she told BuzzFeed. ‘I will never give out personal information, even if it seems innocent. I feel like I will always have my guard up from here on out, rather than willingly being friendly.’
In her series of tweets, she recalled how she met the man at a salsa bar nearly two hours away from her house and had a polite yet brief conversation with him.
‘He asked where I was from and what I did for work and I told him. He was familiar with the city I live in and asked which school I taught at, so I mentioned the name,’ she wrote. ‘Turns out, he was familiar and refs some of my school’s football games.’
Brem said she told him to ‘have a good night’ before she sat down to have dinner with her sister, who later noticed the guy checking her out. He and his friend ended up sitting at the table next to theirs.
They made polite conversation and exchanged first names before they finished their dinner and drove home.
‘A couple of weeks go by and I get an email in my WORK inbox from the dude asking me to go out sometime,’ she shared. ‘I never gave him my email address, number, or even my last name. I am slightly creeped out, but don’t reply, delete, and move on with my life.’
Brem received another email from him a few weeks later. This time, he said that he had recently refereed one of her school’s games and was ‘bummed’ she wasn’t there.
Once again, she deleted his email without replying because she didn’t want to encourage him.
On December 13, she was having a conversation with her principal and vice principal when the school administrator came in and said her ‘old friend’ was at the school and wanted to ‘say hi’ to her.
‘I am confused and baffled as to who she could possibly be talking about,’ she explained. ‘My vice principal says, “Oh, he came by yesterday too, but you were already gone. He asked what time you get off of work.”‘
Brem realized it was the man from the restaurant when they said his last name, and she explained the situation, stressing that he was not a friend.
Not only did he ask what time she was done, but he also wanted to know when she usually left the school and which door she exited from.
After he was told she was unavailable, he went to his car but didn’t leave. When the principal came out, he drove a block up and continued to wait for her. That’s when they alerted the school resource officer.
The man started circling the school in his car as one of her co-workers followed him until he pulled over. He finally left after her colleague said ‘some choice words to him.’
‘An innocent and polite conversation with a stranger 3 months ago gave me one of the scariest days of my life today,’ she concluded. ‘Men, be better. Ladies, be careful out there.’
Speaking with BuzzFeed, she said that she blamed herself for being friendly with him and sharing the name of her school.
Brem has been on high alert since the incident. She started parking close to her school’s entrance and having her co-workers walk her to her car. She is also careful to lock her doors and keep an eye out for his vehicle when she’s driving.
Law enforcement told her she could apply for a restraining order if he tried to contact her again. She was also advised to tell him never to contact her again in the event that he sent more emails ‘so there would be a paper trail.’
Brem hasn’t heard from him since he showed up at her school, but she wanted to share her story as a reminder for women to not divulge personal information with strangers and for men not to overstep boundaries.
‘It’s scary to be a woman in this world,’ she said.
“I was in shock and terrified that a stranger who I had never shared personal information with had shown up at my workplace. TWICE. I couldn’t stop shaking.”
…Unfortunately, while absolutely awful, terrifying, and anger-inducing, Patty’s situation isn’t unique. Nearly every woman has a story about a man overstepping boundaries and making them feel uncomfortable, sometimes resulting in violence and even death.
But beyond anecdotal evidence, the numbers don’t lie. According to a 2019 study by the Bureau of Justice Statistics, women were stalked more than twice as often as men. And according to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, 81% of women in the US reported experiencing some form of sexual harassment/assault in their lifetime.
…When asked what she thinks needs to change in order for women to feel safer, Patty responded, “I think women need to feel free to not be polite and friendly if they don’t want to be. We are conditioned to be kind and gentle, otherwise we’re called horrible names. We need to be fine with the name-calling in order to protect ourselves. We also need to be on guard with what we share too quickly. Boundaries are a good thing!”
Related:
(Link): Quiz: Science Finds Most Men Misread Whether a Woman is Sexually Interested
(Link): ‘When Women Refuse’ Proves Violence Doesn’t Usually Come With a Misogynistic Manifesto
(Link): Explanation of the Difference Between Flirting and Sexual Harassment is Spot On by S. Ankel
(Link): Life Lessons After Recovering from Codependency – I Can’t Save You, and I No Longer Want To
(Link): Creep Obtains Woman’s Phone Number from Her Dog’s Collar, Asks Her Out
(Link): Clueless Guys Can’t Read Women (article/study)
(Link): A Romantic Partner Is Not Meant to Be Won and Will Power Is Not Love by B. Cooper
(Link): ‘It’s Not Me, It’s You’: A Loser’s Guide to Dealing with Rejection by The Guyliner
(Link): ‘Incel’ Creep, Tres Genco, Planned to Murder 3,000 Women by Kevin Downey, Jr
(Link): Nice Guys Aren’t So Nice After All: Men in the “Friend Zone” Often Have A Hidden Agenda, Say Psychologists(Daily Mail article)
(Link): Dudes, Stop Putting Women in the Girlfriendzone
(Link): ‘When Women Refuse’ Proves Violence Doesn’t Usually Come With a Misogynistic Manifesto
(Link): When Adult Virginity and Adult Celibacy Are Viewed As Inconvenient or As Impediments
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