Top 13 Reasons Why People Don’t Want to Get Married Any More – and Why Staying Single Makes You Happier
Excerpts:
by G. Rees
January 23, 2023
If you are about to have a baby, chances are you are more likely to be unmarried than married.
Figures from the Office of National Statistics show that 2021 was the first year on record that more children were born out of wedlock than in it.
It follows a long-term trend of declining marriage rates and rising numbers of cohabiting couples seen in recent decades.
Explaining the decline, Dr Max Blumberg, a relationship psychologist and chartered member of the British Psychological Society, says that marriage no longer offers what it used to.
Dr Blumberg, of Hampshire, says: ‘Society used to require you to get married, even if the benefits of it were not great.
‘For women especially, there was no social mobility without getting married, so even a bad one had benefits.
‘But now it has switched around and the costs of getting married are often higher than the costs of remaining single.
‘A marriage can mean compromising so you have less money, less of a career and less freedom.
‘So for many there is less value in getting married than remaining single.’
Here he breaks down exactly why the traditional institution is on the way out.
1. Traditional reasons for marriage no longer matter
Traditionally, women needed the economic stability and social mobility of marriage. Even until the 1960s or later, men and women had set roles. But modern social structures make this increasingly less important and women’s lives are now much more flexible. They are working, pursuing careers, having babies and looking after the house – whether they are married or not. Men are also becoming more flexible in their roles but not at the same rate as women.
3. Growing acceptance of cohabiting
There has been a growing societal acceptance of cohabiting, with increasing demands for legal protection. Often people believe that living with someone prior to marriage might reduce the impact of a later divorce. In fact, cohabiting can bring more risks than marriage to couples breaking down. Yet still, it is increasingly popular, perhaps simply because it is easier and parents don’t frown on it anymore.
5. No evidence to show that marriage makes you happier and healthier (especially for women)
The benefits of marriage to men are quite clear. Studies have shown married men have better health and happiness. They also have fewer illnesses, better mental health and recover faster from sickness.
But it is not so clear cut for women.
In his 2020 book Happy Ever After: A Radical New Approach to Living Well, behavioural scientist Paul Dolan of the London School of Economics analysed global data.
He found that women who are single with no children often claim to be happier than those who are married.
They also live longer. He believes that by middle-age the effects of marriage might have begun to take mental and physical effects on some women.
Research shows that women who are single may have bigger social connections and do more social activities – which is a key marker of happiness.
8. Women are fine doing motherhood alone
I don’t think most women say they want to do motherhood alone. But if they have a strong biological urge to be a parent but haven’t met the right partner, or don’t like the look of their friend’s relationships, they may chose to go it alone.
There is now less stigma about using sperm donors or being a single mother. And if a woman can afford it – which they increasingly can – this seems like an option. Equally, if a couple get pregnant but one doesn’t want to have the child, the other might choose to bring it up alone.
10. Being born out of wedlock is no longer a social disgrace
People over the age of 50 may still raise an eyebrow about a child born out of wedlock. But most people won’t. This is probably linked to the waning power of the church.
Much of the traditional social stigma came from a religious outlook. But a recent census showed fewer and fewer people are affiliated to a church in the UK. There is no coincidence in the rise of babies born out of wedlock rises as the same time as church attendance declines.
Related:
(Link): Why Can’t Other Christians Understand I Am Happy Being Single? by Emily Brown
(Link): Why We Thought Marriage Made Us Healthier, and Why We Were Wrong by Bella DePaulo
(Link): Dear Therapist: It’s Hard to Accept Being Single by L. Gottlieb
(Link): The Myth of the Career Woman by M. Notkin – Why Women Are Still Single in Their 30s and Older
(Link): 27 Eye-Opening Confessions About Relationships From People Who Have Been Single Their Entire Lives
(Link): The Nuclear Family Was A Mistake – by David Brooks – and Related Links
(Link): Polish Man Charged Men £4 to Rape Wife He Fed Semen Sandwiches
(Link): Dear Prudence: Help! I’m Glad My Awful Husband Is Dead.
(Link): Dear Abby: I’m Happy Now That My Abusive Ex is Dead
(Link): Slut? Selfish? Sad? No, just a single woman (editorial)
(Link): A Long Time Single Responds to a ‘Why You’re Not Married’ Article
(Link): Unmarried and Childless Women Are the Happiest, Happiness Expert Claims (2019 Study)
(Link): Newlywed Christian Husband Fatally Shot by Stray Bullet as He Slept With Wife
(Link): Woman Wildly Happy She Got Divorced (Dear Abby Column)
(Link): I Want to Divorce My Unbelievably Selfish Husband, Advice by S. L. Brown
(Link): I Married Young. I Was Widowed Young. I Never Want A Long-Term Partner Again by R. Woolf
(Link): Bride Shot In Head, Killed During Celebratory Gunfire at Wedding
(Link): Bride Battling Cancer Dies 18 Hours After Exchanging Vows
(Link): Codependence Is Not Oneness: What Christians Get Wrong About Relationships
(Link): Adult Singles Do Not Need A Marital Partner to Be Whole or Complete
(Link): Do You Need a Partner to Have a Happy Life? by D. LaBier
(Link): Nearly 4 in 10 American Adults Live Without Spouse or Partner As Single Population Grows: Pew
(Link): Single Adult Christian Pressured Into Marriage by Her Church – And Regrets It
(Link): Getting Married Is Not an Accomplishment by N. Brooke
(Link): False Christian Teaching: “Only A Few Are Called to Singleness and Celibacy”
(Link): The Conservative, Christian Case for Working Women by J. Merritt
(Link): College Women, Don’t Listen to Marriage Concern Trolls
(Link): Fewer Americans See Their Romantic Partners As a Source of Life’s Meaning
(Link): What Christians Really Think About the Church’s Relationship Advice by Anna Broadway
(Link): Pew for One: How Is the Church Responding to Growing Number of Singles? by S. Hamaker
(Link): Single Adults – Why They Stay and Why They Stray From Church – Book Excerpts
(Link): Article: 30 And Single? It’s Your Own Fault
(Link): A Case Against Early Marriage by Ashley Moore (editorial)
(Link): How I Navigated the Minefield of Online Dating in Later Life – and How You Can Too by Alice Grebot
(Link): How to Date When You’re Almost Middle-Aged by A. Broadway
(Link): Can’t Find “The One”? Blame Easy Dating Apps
(Link): Dear Abby: I Gave Up Dating, and 30 Years Later, I’m Lonely
(Link): The Stupid Advice We Give To Single Women Over 40 (from the Current Conscience Blog)
(Link): ‘Why Are You Single’ Lists That Do Not Pathologize Singles by Bella DePaulo
(Link): Five Things Single Women Hate to Hear
(Link): Pat Robertson’s Incredibly Insensitive Advice to Gail the Unmarried Woman
(Link): My Marriage Broke Down Around Age 30 — And So Did Most of My Friends’ Relationships by E. Woods
(Link): Lonely Sunday: Single Christians and the Church’s Opportunity by K. Becker
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