Am I A Jerk For Not Allowing My Late Husband’s Affair Partner To Come To His Funeral? (question to advice column)
“AITA” stands for “Am I The Asshole,” and I believe it’s a popular advice section on Reddit.
And to answer the question, just on the title alone (I’ve not yet read the column itself): HELL NO, you are not a jerk for not wanting the mistress at your spouse’s funeral. That she (the mistress) would even think that is appropriate shows how entitled she is.
(Link): AITA For Not Allowing My Late Husband’s Affair Partner To Come To His Funeral?
… The thing is, u/MyMomo20 recently lost her husband, with whom she shares three children, to a car accident. The whole family was under the impression that he was traveling for a work trip, but they later learned that he was headed to visit his lover of 5 years.
For the sake of her kids, the woman was forced to put on a brave front, but she soon ran into trouble when a super-persistent mistress refused to respect their privacy.
“AITA for not allowing my late husband’s affair partner [to] come to his funeral?” – this netizen turned to one of Reddit’s most judgmental communities, asking its members if it was wrong of her to not let her late husband’s mistress attend his funeral.
The post managed to garner nearly 11K upvotes as well as 1.8K comments containing mostly supportive remarks.
Woman ponders if she was wrong to remove her late husband’s mistress from his funeral when she showed up uninvited
The author of the post started out by mentioning that her spouse had recently died in a car accident halfway across the country.
The man told her that he was going on a work trip, but the family later found out that it was actually a lie, and he instead was headed to see his mistress, with whom he’d been together for at least five years.
Needless to say, it’s been a wild ride for the woman.
The couple also shares 3 kids, with the eldest one being 19 years old. He’s the only one who knows about the affair, and they’ve agreed to keep it to themselves.
However, the thing is, his so-called partner really wanted to be involved. The post’s creator was pretty against it and told her multiple times that it would not be possible, as having her there would only cause problems. But it seems like this didn’t stop her, as she ended up going to the man’s funeral. The author’s brother managed to remove her without causing too big of a scene — however, she later texted the author calling her selfish for not letting her say her goodbyes.
The woman pondered about the situation and it began to slightly bother her; she still believes that she did the right thing, but she wanted to get some unbiased opinions.
The OP’s husband had recently died in a car accident across the country, and it was discovered that he was not traveling for business but rather to see his mistress
…To get some feedback on the situation, Bored Panda decided to reach out to a couple of experts. Our first professional is Dr. Jane Greer, a Marriage and Family Therapist, Psychotherapist, Sex Therapist, Author, Radio Host, and creator of the popular celebrity sex & relationship commentary, “SHRINK WRAP.”
The first question that we posed to Dr. Jane Greer was how to cope with being cheated on, to which she said: “You must deal directly with your partner to determine if they are remorseful and apologetic, and if they are invested in rebuilding your trust and repairing the damage that was done, or if their cheating was an indication they want to end the partnership.”
We then inquired as to whether she believed that the post’s author had made the right decision:
“Absolutely. As devastating as this had to be for her, she kept her priority on her children’s wellbeing. Because of the infidelity, the presence of this woman could be damaging to her children’s emotional health, and she was right to want the woman to say her goodbyes privately, not with the family as she is not a member of it.”
The lover really wanted to be involved – however, the author of the post was against it and told her multiple times that it wouldn’t be possible
“It is possible to learn to trust after betrayal. Betrayal doesn’t mean a partnership is necessarily over if both parties work through getting through the pain and hurt to restore trust. [It] involves heavy lifting, time, energy, and a dedication to getting through it. The betrayer must be committed to rebuilding trust and understanding the anger and pain they caused. Therapy is very helpful,” Dr. Jane Greer said when we asked her if there was anything she’d like to say to those who might be going through a similar thing.
…She chose to ignore the woman’s feelings and still showed up at the funeral, but the OP’s brother was able to remove her without causing too big of a scene
[The woman who wrote in to the advice page said]:
I told my brother and he removed her without causing too much of a scene. Afterwards she sent me a text which summarised basically called me selfish for blocking her from being there and saying I robbed her of the chance to say goodbye properly.
—- end excerpts —
That wife ended her question by asking if she was the asshole. My response: NO, No you were not! The mistress is an entitled bitch.
Anyway… let this go to show that being married is not always happiness, gum drops and bliss.
Related:
(Link): The Dad Is The A-Hole: Dad Rages as Wife Refuses to Pay for His Kids from Another Marriage
Christian Pundit 