Sex in Your 50s… Has the Rise of Mid-Life Dating Triggered a New Epidemic of Post-Coital Problems in Older Women?

Sex in Your 50s… Has the Rise of Mid-Life Dating Triggered a New Epidemic of Post-Coital Problems in Older Women?

Has the Rise of Mid-Life Dating Triggered a New Epidemic of Sexual Problems?

The article below is sex British-based, so I am unsure if all the products listed are available to Americans or others outside of Britain.

I don’t necessarily endorse sex outside of marriage – the doctor who wrote this is fine and dandy with people committing fornication.

After reading articles like the following, which discuss all the possible (health) ways sex can go wrong (lead to pain, discomfort, physical injury, etc), I don’t think sex sounds like it’s worth it. Sex sounds like more trouble than it’s worth.

This is an extremely long article. If you’d like to read it all, please use the link below:

(Link): Sex in your 50s… Has the rise of mid-life dating triggered a new epidemic of post-coital problems with one-in-three older woman suffering pain related to intimate liaisons?

Excerpts:

By Dr. Philippa Kaye
February 15, 2023

[The article beings by discussing a woman in her 60s named Anne who had only ever had sex with her husband, but he and she divorced a few years before, her daughters got her to join a dating app, she met a new man via the app, had sex with that guy, which resulted in physical health issues]

…I had to break it to Anne that as we age, while the spirit might be willing, the body, so to speak, isn’t always so up for new romance.

Sex after the menopause can continue to be enjoyable.

But, to put it bluntly, changes to the vagina mean that, for some women, this doesn’t come as naturally as they may have hoped. Without a small amount of medical help, sex can lead to discomfort, bleeding and infections.

I’d like to say at this point that patients like Anne are not unusual.

As our surgery’s women’s health specialist, cases like this often come to me, and over the past five years or so they’ve been increasingly frequent.

Divorce, desertion or the death of a partner all mean the same thing: people in middle age find themselves newly single.

And the rise of online and app-based dating services, while fantastic in many respects, has meant problems such as Anne’s are increasingly common.

… And if you are having a tough time becoming sexually active again with a new partner – or even struggling with a not-so-new one – there’s actually a lot GPs can do to help. Painful sex is not something you have to put up with.

The Myth of the Career Woman by M. Notkin – Why Women Are Still Single in Their 30s and Older

The Myth of the Career Woman by M. Notkin

I’m a conservative, but I’ve been beyond fed up for years now at how so many other conservatives, as well as sexists of whatever variety, assume that the reason why most women are single past the age of 30 is because they chose career before marriage.

Along with that is the other annoying, very wrong, and sexist assumption by men online that all of us women who remain single past the age of 30 had lots and lots of “nice guys” who wanted to date us back in our 20s, but we coldly, cruelly turned them all down.

I don’t know what the hell those men are talking about, because I did not have lots and lots of men asking me out on dates when I was in my twenties.

But it’s simply not true that all women choose career over “marriage and family.”

Why aren’t men giving up careers to be stay at home fathers, taking care of children?

I never cared much one way or the other if I ever had children, but I had wanted to be married. And I’m not single because I “chose career over spouse.”

I have more observations about this essay below:

(Link): The Myth of the Career Woman by M. Notkin

The image of the single, childless “career woman” is drawn so sharply in our minds, so deeply ingrained in culture and overused in media, it obfuscates the real story. Contrary to popular belief, most working women are not putting their careers ahead of love, marriage and motherhood.

Never mind that there are no “career men” — no one accuses a single, childless man of prioritizing career over love and family just because he’s single and can pay the rent.

But women are made to wear this label — though I have yet to meet a woman who has declined a date with a guy she’s interested in because she’d rather be on a Zoom call.

While college-educated women are settling down and having children later than was once the case, the “career woman” is mostly a mid-century myth, an outlier like Mad Men’s Peggy Olson, who belongs to a time when women went to college to earn their “MRS” degree.

Your Attitude About Aging Could Add 7.5 Years to Your Life

Your Attitude About Aging Could Add 7.5 Years to Your Life

One thing this article seems to be saying is that a problem you have in life is not your problem per se, but how you choose to view your problem – a perspective I’ve begun to appreciate in the last few years.

(Link): Your Attitude About Aging Could Add 7.5 Years to Your Life

April 23, 2022
By Haley Goldberg

When Yale professor Becca Levy began conducting her decades-long research on the psychology of aging, she would routinely ask people to think of five words to describe an older person. In the US, the most common answer was “memory loss.” In China, it was “wisdom.”

As her research would find, the answer to this question had major impact. Your answer could fundamentally change how you age — even adding 7.5 years to your life.

In the new book “Breaking the Age Code: How Your Beliefs About Aging Determine How Long & Well You Live,” Levy draws on decades of research and interviews to show how positive age beliefs are key to enjoying our golden years — and maintaining our health.

“In study after study I conducted, I found that older people with more-positive perceptions of aging performed better physically and cognitively than those with more-negative perceptions,” Levy writes. “They were more likely to recover from severe disability, they remembered better, they walked faster, and they even lived longer.”

“Three Rules to Avoid Cheating and Betrayal, From My Work as a Sexologist” by Dr. Robert Weiss

“Three Rules to Avoid Cheating and Betrayal, From My Work as a Sexologist”

 (Link): “Three rules to avoid cheating and betrayal, from my work as a sexologist”

August 16, 2020

by Dr. Robert Weiss
[who says he is a “licensed California therapist specializing in sex and intimacy”]

…As a sexologist, it is not my job to tell a couple that they must be monogamous. That is their choice to make. Or not. If they choose monogamy, my job is to help them negotiate their relationship boundaries and to help them find resolution if/when those boundaries are broken….

Having worked nearly half my life with families damaged by infidelity, I want to share three simple rules to help couples successfully negotiate monogamy, to avoid the pain associated when one partner cheats and to assist those struggling to overcome sexual betrayal.

1. Accept that cheating occurs when one spouse deliberately lies about or keeps meaningful secrets from the other. …

…Using my definition, cheating is less about specific sexual behaviors and more about lies and secrets used to cover up those behaviors.

And, as just about every betrayed partner I’ve ever worked with has told me, “It’s not the sex that causes the most pain. It’s that I no longer know who my partner is or trust anything that he/she says. How can we have an intimate connection when there’s no trust?”

Woman Plays Matchmaker for Her Single Grandmother, Spending $60 to Pose as Her on Match (Dating Site)

Woman Plays Matchmaker for Her Single Grandmother, Spending $60 to Pose as Her on Match (Dating Site)

(Link): Woman Plays Matchmaker for Her Single Grandmother, Spending $60 to Pose as Her on Match (Dating Site)

by Carly Stern
April 22, 2022

A New York woman played cupid for her grandmother, finding the older woman a boyfriend on a dating app from over a thousand miles away.

Carli Costello, 29, is happily married, but she recently shelled out $60 for a one-month subscription to Match.com.

She signed up as her own grandmother, creating a profile and messaging men to help her grandma find love.

She’s sent the pest picks to grandma, who lives in Florida, via text, and ultimately set her up with a man whom she is now happily dating.

Divorce Attorney Reveals SHOCKING Reasons That DESTROY Relationships And Cause Bad BREAKUPS – via ‘Women of Impact’

Divorce Attorney Reveals SHOCKING Reasons That DESTROY Relationships And Cause Bad BREAKUPS – via ‘Women of Impact’

I’m not even half way done with this video yet (linked to and embedded below in this post), but this lady in the video is giving some great insights and advice. (I’ve just finished listening to the entire video, and it is worth the entire watch.)

The lady in the video mentions she didn’t get married until around (or a bit after?) age 40.

The divorce attorney (who later became a judge, if I understand correctly) said up until that point, she did get a lot of questions from people asking her why she wasn’t married yet.

(I also had to put up with that, or with other nasty assumptions, from others, when I was still single into my 30s. I was raised in a conservative Christian church, and a lot of Christians wrongly assume if you’re a woman who has not married by the age of 30 or 35, it’s because you are a man-hating feminist or that that you were too “career focused.” It’s a very victim-blaming, sexist world view.)

Some of the points this lady, Faith Jenkins, addressed in the video includes but is not limited to (these are also points I’ve learned along the way with life experience, and just mulling things over):

• You have to know who you are and figure out who you are before you get married.
• It’s far more healthy to learn to be single before you get married.
• Don’t wait to get married to start living and enjoying your life – she says, “being single is not a rest stop. [At the time I was single I concluded that] it’s time for me to really live.”
• Don’t look to someone outside of yourself to make you happy.

(Note from me, the blog owner: this is a big one.
If you go through life making your sense of self worth, happiness, or opinion about yourself contingent upon external circumstances or on how others treat you, you will never, ever achieve stable, consistent, or lasting healthy self esteem or happiness
– and along the way, if you keep making your self worth contingent on how others treat you or their opinions of you, you will tend to attract selfish people, abusers, and very emotionally needy people who will want all your time and attention, leaving you drained
– I’ve learned the hard way that many of the people who will want to use you as a sounding board, a “rock” they lean on, will not return that courtesy to you – they won’t allow you to talk to them about your problems)

• She says you should know who you are before you marry – I think this is also a good idea prior to dating.

If you know who you are prior to dating or marriage (you know your identity and your likes, your dislikes, and your values), you won’t change to please someone else (a lot of abusive or controlling people will either badger you, pressure you, threaten, or demand that you make changes to yourself or your life to please them), and it makes it easier to weed out incompatible or potentially abusive partners.

• She discourages you from trying to clean up, fix, rescue another person, what she refers to as “rebuilding” another person.

I agree with her on that – you ultimately cannot change another person, and you will only exhaust yourself trying. I think a lot of women who do this are people pleasers or codependents, and it’s a huge waste of time.

I’m 23 and I Love My ‘Wrinkly’ 60-Year-Old Girlfriend

I’m 23 and I Love My ‘Wrinkly’ 60-Year-Old Girlfriend

I don’t support May-December relationships, but I’m not okay with people taking pot shots at this lady for being 60.

(Link): I’m 23 and I Love My ‘Wrinkly’ 60-Year-Old Girlfriend

June 11, 2021
By Noah Sheidlower

Social media’s hottest new couple embodies two of the most romantic cliches: “Love is blind” and “Age ain’t nothing but a number.”

Despite a 37-year age gap, these unabashed lovebirds are braving a barrage of trolls to take TikTok by storm with popular clips of them dancing and smooching.

Eugene, the 56 Year Old Man, Tells Christian Show Host He’s Tired of Being Single

Eugene, the 56 Year Old Man, Tells Christian Show Host He’s Tired of Being Single

On today’s “The 700 Club,” host Pat Robertson got a question from a guy who says he’s 56 year old and tired of being alone. (The guy is single and would like a girlfriend, or to marry.)

I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again – single adults of America (but especially women!) please (Link): stop asking Pat Robertson for relationship advice.

I’ve watched his “700 Club” show for many years, and Robertson always gives the same 3 to 4 answers to single adults who write him asking him why hasn’t God sent them a spouse, or how do they get a spouse?

And Pat Robertson always tells lovelorn single adults to “go fishing where the fish are,” (i.e, visit locales where you are sure to find single adults), and, he will tell you that “God puts the lonely in families,” which is a load of sh*t – no, God does not always put single adults who may be lonely “into families.”

For women who write in, especially if they are age 40 or older and single and want a spouse, Pat will insultingly tell them that they “sound desperate.” (Seriously; he has done this in the past, see the links below under “Related Posts” for links to examples of this atrocious behavior.)

(I’ve noticed that Robertson never tells the older single MEN who write in saying they are lonely and want a spouse that the MEN “sound desperate.” Robertson only tosses that sexist, insulting comment at single WOMEN.)

Pat Robertson also wrongly believes (and many Christians are like this as well, not just him), that (Link): if you want a spouse and pray for one, that God will of course send you one – which also a bunch of garbage.

So, here is what Eugene wrote in to Pat:

What do I have to do to find that special woman in my life? I’m tired of living alone in life. It’s been 56 years. Please help me, Pat. I read the Bible, but it never seems to help. I love all you guys and enjoy your show.

[Signed] Eugene

You can view / listen to Eugene’s question in this video on You Tube, and it’s around 44.25 into the video.

You can also listen to Pat Robertson’s unhelpful advice in that video to Eugene.

But… Eugene… should you read this, I have this to say to you:

The ‘Gray Divorce’ Trend: As The Gates Split Shows, More Older Couples Are Getting Divorced. Here’s Why.

The ‘Gray Divorce’ Trend: As The Gates Split Shows, More Older Couples Are Getting Divorced. Here’s Why. by J. Duffy

These news items seem cyclical. I just blogged on this a few years ago – there were headlines out about how Baby Boomers (people then in their what, mid to late 50s – they’d be older now) were divorcing in record numbers, and other articles said they were not re-marrying, nor were they interested in getting remarried

(Link): The ‘Gray Divorce’ Trend: As The Gates Split Shows, More Older Couples Are Getting Divorced. Here’s Why.

by John Duffy

….One might think that, if any of these issues suggested incompatibility, a marriage would end long before a couple was in their 50s or 60s.
That’s not the case anymore.

In my current work with couples, I have noticed a discernible difference in older couples in long-standing marriages.

Years ago, the vast majority of my client couples who weren’t happy in their relationship chose to remain married out of convenience or routine, or even a sense of familiarity.

Over the past few years, many are deliberately choosing to part ways. My client base mirrors the divorce rate for Americans 50 and over, which has doubled since 1990.

I Unfollowed Blogger Shelia Gregoire on Twitter Today – Re: Politics

I Unfollowed Blogger Shelia Gregoire Today

If I’m not mistaken, Gregoire is Candian.

I have followed her on Twitter for over a year. She does a lot of posts combatting complementarian-type takes on marriage, which I appreciate (though I must say I take some exception against a post or two or video or two she’s made criticizing the concept of remaining a virgin until marriage – I tweeted at her before awhile back explaining my objections to her about that, and I was polite about it).

I wish Gregoire well, but I had to unfollow her tonight on Twitter. I’m not sure if she follows me on there, but she is welcome to un-follow in return, if she wants to, I’d understand.

In the last couple of weeks, Tweets that Gregoire “likes” on there periodically show up on my Twitter feed (meaning I have to see them), and they’re usually these Tweets by conservative critics or Trump detractors who have really warped views about Trump voters or American conservatives generally.

In the past week, I did contact Gregoire on Twitter to try to clear up some misconception she herself Tweeted about American politics.

She doesn’t seem to possess any understanding of why Americans who voted for Trump voted for him or found him appealing. I myself did not vote for Trump in either election, but I understand why some were drawn to him and his message. (I’m an American who was born and raised in the United States, and I used to be a Republican for many years.)

I feel the piling on against Trump and his supporters is unfounded. 

I’ve also noticed this tendency by Gregoire and people like her to never acknowledge that persons and groups on the left (American Democrats and progressives in the U.S. and the world over) are actually guilty of some (or many) of the things they criticize Trump or conservatives of. 

I see no self-awareness in most Trump critics or critics of American conservatives.

I Haven’t Had A Boyfriend For A Decade. Here’s What I Learned. by R. Thompson

I Haven’t Had A Boyfriend For A Decade. Here’s What I Learned. by R. Thompson

Before I paste in excerpts from the article (see farther below), I wanted to say, yes, it’s unfortunately common for family and friends to shame you about being single; it’s common for them to poke fun or ask questions about “why aren’t you married yet?” or “why don’t you have a boyfriend?,” and so forth.

Now, I’m not sure of the author’s (Thompson’s) age of this piece I am excerpting below, but if you are a single adult reading this, and you find yourself nodding along in empathy and solidarity, because you too know what it feels like to be pressured or shamed by friends and family for being single, I wanted to point out that this shaming, guilt tripping, mockery and so on, doesn’t last forever.

I am now in my late forties; most people will stop questioning you and mocking you about “why aren’t you married or dating anyone yet” at some stage of your life, probably in your mid-40s.

You will have to endure a lot of the annoying, at times hurtful, mocking, innuendo, shaming, teasing, pressure, and so on and so forth, in your younger years.

The mid 30s seem to be the height of this singles shaming and ridicule for most people (based on anecdotes I’ve seen from other single adults over the years).

Grandmother, Age 68, Had ‘Magical’ Sex with Toy Boy Who Swindled Her Out of Thousands

Grandmother, Age 68, Had ‘Magical’ Sex with Toy Boy Who Swindled Her Out of Thousands

May-December relationships are so disgusting. Both men AND women should stick to dating people close to their age.

(Link): Grandmother, Age 68, Had ‘Magical’ Sex with Toy Boy Who Swindled Her Out of Thousands

by Claire Hubble
Sept 20, 2020

A 68-YEAR-OLD gran has been left distraught after falling head over heels for a toyboy who ended up being a conman – and swindled her out of £18,000.

Beth Haining, who enjoyed ‘magical’ sex and a whirlwind romance with her African lover, is now warning other women of her plight.