The Art of Being Single by E. Bernstein

The Art of Being Single by E. Bernstein

(Link): The Art of Being Single

Excerpts:

March 2019

After Katie Tomaszewski divorced at the age of 28, she felt ashamed to be alone.

So she did what she thought a single person should do: She over-dated, over-worked and over-socialized, inviting friends over for dinner nearly every night because she was afraid of being lonely.

“It was constant socializing and constant distraction,” says Ms. Tomaszewski, now a 36-year-old Pilates instructor in Chicago. “I became desperate and depressed, looking for someone—anyone—to save me from being alone.”

Yes, it can be tough to be single. But a new study published this past December in the Journals of Gerontology offers hope for those who are struggling.

Singles today are more satisfied with their lives than singles in the past, the study found.

Continue reading “The Art of Being Single by E. Bernstein”

Emma Watson on Being “Self Partnered” (Single) – The Editorial Round Up

Emma Watson on Being “Self Partnered” (Single) – The Editorial Round Up

A week or two ago, movie actress Emma Watson declared herself “self partnered,” rather than use the word “single” to describe her relationship status.

Watson got some amount of confusion or ridicule for using that term. As a never-married woman, I found the term a little strange, but hey, if it works for her, fine by me.

I was engaged for several years, from my late 20s into my early 30s. My ex fiance was a self absorbed idiot. I am better off single than in a relationship with a loser like that. 

Anyway, there have been a few editorials defending Watson on this point, such as this one:

(Link): Emma Watson looked shame in the face and won

Excerpts

…”I never believed the whole ‘I’m happy single’ spiel,” she told Vogue in an interview published this week. “It took me a long time, but I’m very happy [being single]. I call it being self-partnered.”

Now anyone might be forgiven for being blindsided by the “consciously uncoupled”-esque vibe of that remark at first glance. Indeed, many outright jeered. “Self-partnering means you can’t get a bloke, right?” suggested British TV host and, we can only assume, self-appointed relationship expert Piers Morgan.

“What’s wrong with being single?” Twitter users demanded.

But isn’t that kind of the point? If society was kinder to single women, and our associations with the word “single” were generally more positive, there wouldn’t be any need for Watson to coin the phrase.

Continue reading “Emma Watson on Being “Self Partnered” (Single) – The Editorial Round Up”

There Are Ways to Deal With the Sting of Unrequited Friendship by K. Sackville

There Are Ways to Deal With the Sting of Unrequited Friendship by K. Sackville

(Link): There Are Ways to Deal With the Sting of Unrequited Friendship

Excerpts:

We’ve all experienced unrequited friendship in some form, from reaching out to someone who doesn’t reciprocate our interest, to fending off an approach from an acquaintance we don’t particularly like.

Unrequited friendship can be extremely awkward, and surprisingly painful when you’re the one being rejected.

I’ve been unrequited, and it’s demoralising and confusing.

Continue reading “There Are Ways to Deal With the Sting of Unrequited Friendship by K. Sackville”

Dear Prudie: Help! My Boyfriend Refuses to Do Any Housework.

Dear Prudie: Help! My Boyfriend Refuses to Do Any Housework.

When your boyfriend won’t help do housework, you dump him.

But let’s see what Prudie has to say.

(Link): Dear Prudie: Help! My Boyfriend Refuses to Do Any Housework.

By DANIEL MALLORY ORTBERG

Q. The second shift in 2019? When I’m 23? My boyfriend and I live together and we’re incredibly happy.

We’re in our early 20s and live in New York with two full-time jobs and side hustles. We’re both equally ambitious and serious about our future, both professionally and as a couple.

I typically beat him home from work, and while I admit I tend to be the neater roommate and more inclined in the kitchen, we have fallen in the habit of me taking over the cleaning and cooking.

My boyfriend vocalizes that he’s appreciative of everything I do but groans and drags his feet when I ask him to help out too.

Continue reading “Dear Prudie: Help! My Boyfriend Refuses to Do Any Housework.”

Nine Questions To Ask On A First Date, According To Divorce Lawyers by B. Wong

Nine Questions To Ask On A First Date, According To Divorce Lawyers by B. Wong

(Link): Nine Questions To Ask On A First Date, According To Divorce Lawyers by B. Wong

Excerpts:

Avoid a bad end by asking the right questions at the start.

Few people have a keener eye for relationship red flags thandivorce attorneys. They’ve seen firsthand how quickly personality quirks can turn into major annoyances and the problems that can lead to calling it quits.

That also makes them surprisingly good at giving dating advice.

Below, family law attorneys from across the country share nine pointed questions to ask on a first date if you want to avoid getting into a relationship with someone you’ll eventually divorce.

Continue reading “Nine Questions To Ask On A First Date, According To Divorce Lawyers by B. Wong”

Relationships Don’t Work If Salaries Don’t Match by Tyler Schmall

Relationships Don’t Work If Salaries Don’t Match by Tyler Schmall

(Link): Relationships Don’t Work If Salaries Don’t Match

Excerpts:

Before getting serious with a new partner, you may want to check their paystubs.

According to new research, relationships are incompatible if there’s a $36,000 disparity in salary.

The fascinating new statistic emerged in a new study of 2,000 single Americans examining all things dating including the role finances play when entering into a new relationship.

Respondents were asked to assess where they feel a disparity in income actually leads to incompatibility. A nearly $40,000 difference in earnings was named as the point at which such a difference in earning becomes problematic while dating.

Continue reading “Relationships Don’t Work If Salaries Don’t Match by Tyler Schmall”

Never Married Adult Man Named Stephen Asks Christian Host Why God Has Not Answered His 3-Decades Long Prayers to Send Him A Wife

Never-Married Adult Man Named Stephen Asks Christian Host Why God Has Not Answered His 3-Decades Long Prayers To Send Him A Wife

On the November 2, 2018 episode of “The 700 Club,” some guy named Stephen wrote in with a question about singleness and marriage, and host Gordon Robertson answered it.

You can find the question on You Tube (Link) here, and that part of the show is in the last 5 – 10 minutes of the show. You can also watch that same episode on (Link): The 700 Club web site.

I will discuss the letter from Stephen more below.

First, I wanted to say…
Within the past 2 – 3 weeks, 700 Club has been running more than their usual number of questions from viewers about singleness and asking why hasn’t God sent them a spouse, such as this one:

(Link): James the 40 Something Year Old Single Guy Asks Why Don’t Churches Help Single Adults Get Married

I have watched this 700 Club show daily since around 2005, and sporadically prior to that, for years (my mother used to watch this show when I was a kid in the 1970s, so I’ve seen plenty of it).

Well, in most episodes, 700 Club rarely, rarely addresses adult singleness. They mostly feature married couples who are having affairs or financial problems.

They rarely address singleness, unless they have a 30- or 40 -something female co-host who is single.

Continue reading “Never Married Adult Man Named Stephen Asks Christian Host Why God Has Not Answered His 3-Decades Long Prayers to Send Him A Wife”

Married To Person With Kid From Previous Marriage: Guy Says His Wife is Putting Her Son Before Their Marriage – on Not Wanting to Date Single Parents

Married To Person With Kid From Previous Marriage: Guy Says His Wife is Putting Her Son Before Their Marriage – On Not Wanting to Date Single Parents

This following letter to an advice columnist (which is linked to and excerpted much farther down this blog post) is interesting, because I guarantee you had the guy written to “Ask Amy” of the “Ask Amy” column with the same concern, Amy would  not have been sympathetic to the guy.

Amy would’ve raked him over the coals for not oozing with love and compassion for the misbehaving stepchild.

Amy, as I’ve seen, always sides with the kids or the biological parent.

If you are a person married to someone who has a bratty kid who is driving you crazy (and even to the point of wanting to divorce!), Amy will shame you terribly over it.

Amy will scream and yell about you being selfish, and she will ask you to empathize with the misbehaving, rotten kid.

(That I can recall in all my years of reading her advice column, Amy has never shown empathy to the adult who is stressed and whose marriage is strained over a hard- to- handle step-child.)

This advice columnist,  though, takes the opposite approach and blames the biological mother; he holds her accountable for the poor marital dynamics.

Continue reading “Married To Person With Kid From Previous Marriage: Guy Says His Wife is Putting Her Son Before Their Marriage – on Not Wanting to Date Single Parents”

How Treating Dating Like a Job Interview Can Land You ‘The One’ by C. Gollayan

How Treating Dating Like a Job Interview Can Land You ‘The One’ by C. Gollayan

A few years ago, I was reading an article that interviewed several never-married guys who were over the age of 40, and I believe all of them had wanted to be married but never found a match.

One of the guys said he gave up on dating, because dating came to feel like job interviews, so he gave up on it and just sits at home when he’s done with his job for the day.

So there may or may not be something to the advice in this article.

(Link): How Treating Dating Like a Job Interview Can Land You ‘The One’

By Christian Gollayan

Forget simply falling in love. According to some headhunters, the secret to finding “the one” in NYC is to treat it like a numbers game.

“The pure volume of daters [in the city means] you have to sift through them similar to interviewing a ton of candidates for a job,” says Dandan Zhu, 30, the owner of recruitment firm DG Recruit in Midtown.

So to efficiently find the best possible romantic match, Zhu says to act like a headhunter when looking for love. Below she shares six ways to date like a recruiter.

Write down your dating goals
Just like when you’re mapping out your career, Zhu advises you to write down a list of things you’re looking for in a partner. “This lets you know whether or not your date fits your profile,” she says.

Scroll through their social media
An easy way to start filtering out your prospective matches is to comb through their social media: Instagram and LinkedIn.

“When it comes to dating, we tend to look for people similar to us,” she says.

Whether that means having similar socioeconomic backgrounds, career paths or hobbies, Zhu says that screening matches’ online footprints will give you a clue to whether or not that person is worth meeting in person.

Continue reading “How Treating Dating Like a Job Interview Can Land You ‘The One’ by C. Gollayan”

Needy Single Mom Feels Abandoned By Church Family (Ask Amy)

Needy Single Mom Feels Abandoned By Church Family (Ask Amy)

In an older post, I mentioned how it is that some older adults do not recognize just how poorly churches and Christian culture treats single adults until those older adults become single again via divorce or widowhood:
Then they notice how absolutely marriage-centric churches are, and how utterly horrid Christians are about meeting the needs of single adults.

Then you have your married parents who don’t realize how Obsessed With the Nuclear Family most churches are until their (Link): own kids grow up and move out and stop attending church with them.

Then and only then do some Christian married couples wake up to see how absolutely terrible churches are about neglecting single adults or the childless.

The woman who wrote this letter to “Ask Amy” had to go through a divorce before she noticed how anti-singles friendly her church was. Amazing.

Also, I could’ve told this woman that Christians in general are awful at showing concern, care, and empathy for people who are in pain or under-going some stress in life.

Continue reading “Needy Single Mom Feels Abandoned By Church Family (Ask Amy)”

The Latest Relationship Trend is ‘Slow Dating’ — and It’s a Recoil from Years of Swiping Through Apps

(Link):  The Latest Relationship Trend is ‘Slow Dating’ — and It’s a Recoil from Years of Swiping Through Apps

-Dating apps are starting to offer fewer, more curated matches.

-The dating app Once, for example, recently launched in the US, and delivers users just one match per day.

-Limiting your options could be the smartest move when it comes to dating, since having too many options can make it harder to choose anyone.

You could call it the rise of “slow dating.”

Since the debut of dating apps — Tinder launched in 2012 — they’ve been all about speed, a suitor a second. Once you created an account, your relationship prospects depended almost exclusively on how fast you could move your thumb.

Now, that appears to be changing.

Continue reading “The Latest Relationship Trend is ‘Slow Dating’ — and It’s a Recoil from Years of Swiping Through Apps”

A Response to the Editorial “America Needs a New Sexual Revolution” by Melissa Mackenzie

A Response to the Editorial “America Needs a New Sexual Revolution” by Melissa Mackenzie

I guess Ms. Mackenzie drank from the Gender Complementarian Kool-Aid, or something like it.

The complementarian world is a world in which one is taught there are only two options concerning women (I know this because (Link): I used to be one myself for many years):

-either be and live as a traditional values person who believes all women are, or should be, passive, dainty, and delicate and should marry young and have children,
or,
-be and live as a bra-burning, man-hating, liberal feminist.

I present a third option, which is hated by some liberals (when I bring it to their attention), and it’s an option that is never even considered by other conservatives, which is as follows:
I am a right wing woman who rejects sexism, and finds fault in both the left and right wing on some women’s issues, but who also sees some merit to some arguments on either side, depending on the topic.

In this blog post, I am commenting upon this editorial on The American Spectator:

 (Link): America Needs a New Sexual Revolution by Melissa Mackenzie

A foundation of the opening of this editorial rests upon a presupposition that, and to paraphrase my understanding of the author’s perspective:

“Everything that is wrong today in regards to culture, sex, marriage, dating, and women, is liberal, secular, FEMINISM, and feminism is EVIL! One can directly trace the downfall of American sexual morality to the feminism of the 1960s!!”

Such thinking is a common trope in about every right wing publication I’ve ever read on these subjects.

To that point, about feminism supposedly being to blame for all of society’s marital or sexual problems, I would ask you to read this off-site post, which is by a Christian (not by a left wing, secular feminist):

(Link): Perhaps Feminism Is Not The Enemy

What I will do here is provide excerpts by MacKenzie then, under her comments, offer my thoughts.

MacKenzie writes (source again):

There’s a coarsening of relationships between men and women, parents and children, and people with each other.

// end MacKenzie quotes ///

I don’t think secular, left wing feminism was the start of the “coarsening of relationships between men and women” but is a response to it.

One can read the Old Testament of the Bible, which dates back several thousand years, to see men raping their own sisters, owning harems of women (in some cases, women having no choice but to be in a harem, or to be a concubine), and men committing adultery. There was no 1960s, American- style feminism around in Biblical days.

Continue reading “A Response to the Editorial “America Needs a New Sexual Revolution” by Melissa Mackenzie”

Dear Abby: As Boyfriend Loses Hair, I Lose Interest

Dear Abby: As Boyfriend Loses Hair, I Lose Interest

Secular culture would have you believe that men care about looks in women, while women supposedly only care about money or emotional support from a man, and to that I say: FALSE.

Christians, specifically, Christian gender complementarians, ratchet this up to really emphasize the point.

I’ve heard or seen so many male Christian complementarians (and occasionally, a few women complementarians) hype up this supposed idea that God created men to be “visual,” so they will shame and badger women to stay skinny, diet, exercise, and wear make-up all the time.

The truth is, women are every bit as “visual” as men are. Most hetero women dig a hot, sexy man every bit as much as some hetero men appreciate a hot, sexy woman.

However, complementarians will seldom lecture or advise men to lose weight, go to the gym and work out, or get a toupee if they’re balding.

I think the differences is that most women are willing to cut men slack where as the reverse is not true.

I mean, a woman may prefer a hot, studly looking man, but, if you’re tubby, bald, or sort of ugly she might still be willing to date you if you bring “something else to the table” – such as a lot of money, a steady income, a great sense of humor, intelligence, dependability, or what have you.

I think most women are more wiling to take trade-offs in the “looks” and sex appeal department than most men are.

Other than that, most of both sexes prefer people who are easy on the eyes, but this sexist, irritating stereotype that only men care about looks and only women care about romance (or emotions) persists.

Here is an example of a woman who is turned off by her male partner’s baldness:

(Link): Dear Abby: As Boyfriend Loses Hair, I Lose Interest

DEAR ABBY:
My physical attraction to my boyfriend has significantly diminished due to his baldness.

I know this may seem shallow, but I have lost all interest in intimate contact with him.

Continue reading “Dear Abby: As Boyfriend Loses Hair, I Lose Interest”

Dear Abby: Can an atheist and a devout Christian make it work?

Dear Abby: Can an atheist and a devout Christian make it work?

I believe that the Christian “equally yoked” teaching is stupid and acts as a hindrance to Christian single women who’d like to marry.

Also, (Link):  a lot of self professing Christian men are abusive or pigs, so if you’re a Christian woman, you should marry a guy on the basis of how he treats you – not if he claims to believe in Jesus or not.

By the way, I am a little confused by the heading which says that the letter write is an atheist – in her letter, she seems to say that she does believe in God but is not “as religious” as her boyfriend is.

(Link): Dear Abby: Can an atheist and a devout Christian make it work?

(Link) Dear Abby: Can an atheist and a devout Christian make it work?

DEAR ABBY:

For the first time in my life, I am in love. We met about a month ago. I know he’s the man I have waited my entire life to meet. I am 33, so I know what I feel isn’t just lust.

We have one huge hurdle, though: religion. He’s actively religious, while I am not, and he doesn’t believe our relationship can survive this difference.

Continue reading “Dear Abby: Can an atheist and a devout Christian make it work?”

Hax Column: 30-Something Guy Refuses to Marry Anyone Who’s Already Been Married

You have to like these guys who sound like awful people but who are very demanding and picky about who they want to date and marry.

Like the guy described in this letter.

DEAR CAROLYN (Hax):

My brother has been dating a woman for about a year, and my entire immediate family does not like her. Even my super easygoing husband thinks she is terrible. I am serious. She is manipulative, passive-aggressive, immature, and has a self-righteous streak that goes for miles.

My mom is just crushed that this girl will likely marry my brother. I think if he thinks she is so great then let him make this HUGE mistake.

He is 34 and complains that there are so few women out there who have never married and have no kids (requirements for him), so I think he is feeling a bit desperate.

Continue reading “Hax Column: 30-Something Guy Refuses to Marry Anyone Who’s Already Been Married”

Bugging Your Friend to Get Into a Relationship? How Amatonormative of You. by L. Bonos

Bugging Your Friend to Get Into a Relationship? How Amatonormative of You. by L. Bonos

(Link): Bugging Your Friend to Get Into a Relationship? How Amatonormative of You. by L. Bonos

Excerpts:

Being single is not necessarily a problem to be fixed, but it often gets treated that way. In women’s magazines that trumpet how to find your soul mate. In rom-coms where the hot mess of a single protagonist ends up with a man. In conversations in which married friends presume that their single friends would automatically be better off with a partner, any partner.

But what’s a single person to do when what she needs most is … to stop getting so much unsolicited advice?

Continue reading “Bugging Your Friend to Get Into a Relationship? How Amatonormative of You. by L. Bonos”

Woman Says She is Lonely in Marriage to Husband Who Ignores Her in Favor of His Job, Watching TV, etc.

Woman Says She is Lonely in Marriage to Husband Who Ignores Her in Favor of His Job, Watching TV, etc.

A woman named San wrote to Christian program “The 700 Club” to say she’s in a marriage where her husband is ignoring her in favor of TV shows and his job and so forth. Pat Robertson’s son Gordon answered her letter.

Here is her letter to The 700 Club:

I have been very lonely in my marriage.

My husband’s priorities fall in this order: work, television, and then his phone. I have brought it to his attention so many times. I find myself only relying on God and Him being my true friend but I am still lonely.

Yes, I have God to turn to and I talk to God all day, every day, but it would be nice to have a husband in my life who I can truly share my life with. What should I do?

[signed] San

I didn’t completely agree with the host’s answer.

Continue reading “Woman Says She is Lonely in Marriage to Husband Who Ignores Her in Favor of His Job, Watching TV, etc.”

I’m In My 40s, Want To Marry, But Never Like A Guy More Than A Year (Letter to Advice Columnist)

I’m In My 40s, Want To Marry, But Never Like A Guy More Than A Year (Letter to Advice Columnist)

(Link):  I’m in my 40s, want to marry, but never like a guy more than a year. (Letter to Advice Columnist)

Prudie advises a letter writer who is fortysomething, wants to marry, but never likes a guy for more than a year.


[Dear Prudie]:

Q. Uncertain: I’m in my early 40s, never married, no kids, but always wanted both. I’m in a relationship of 10 months. The guy could not be sweeter or a person of better character.

He loves me and treats me well. I was so in love the first six months but he is increasingly getting on my nerves—he is a bit quirky and goofy. And I don’t always find it amusing; increasingly I find it irritating.

Continue reading “I’m In My 40s, Want To Marry, But Never Like A Guy More Than A Year (Letter to Advice Columnist)”

Maryland Pastor Pushes Equally Yoked Doctrine – Which Only Promotes Unwanted Protracted Singleness

Maryland Pastor Pushes Equally Yoked Doctrine – Which Only Promotes Unwanted Protracted Singleness

This is a nauseating page by a pastor in Maryland, named Sean Nolan, for the “Desiring God” web site. (You can see the link below.)

I will comment more about this guy’s essay BELOW it. So please scroll down for some of my commentary – most of which you can already guess if you’ve been to my blog before and have seen my previous posts about this “Equally Yoked” stuff.

(Link): Letter to a Friend Engaged to a Nonbeliever by Sean Nolan

Excerpts from the page:

Dear Kelly,

I was surprised by the recent news of your engagement. While I wish I could celebrate with you without reservation, I admit I have some. My greatest concern is that your fianceé does not know or love Christ. Because I love you and care about your future, I feel compelled to speak now rather than to hold my peace, knowing full well how you might receive my “peace.”

…As I have watched people walk down this road, I have noticed several common ways people justify marrying a nonbeliever. I want to address them…

Continue reading “Maryland Pastor Pushes Equally Yoked Doctrine – Which Only Promotes Unwanted Protracted Singleness”

Go to Counseling to Deal With that Man-Child You Married (Hax Column)

Go to Counseling to Deal With that Man-Child You Married (Hax Column)

(I got a notification from Word Press that today is this blog’s Seventh Year Anniversary. Yay me, I guess.)

My views about divorce have changed over the last two or three years. I still think people should take marriage seriously. I don’t think I want to spend much time in THIS post discussing those changes – I’ll try to keep this short.

I was raised in a Christian tradition that taught that adultery was the only reason a person could divorce and not be in sin. Suffice it to say, I used to sort of buy into that view, too, but that was when I was younger and a little more naive about relationships and people.

Take the letter below as an example. The woman’s husband had an affair, and on those grounds, a lot of Christians (not all, but many) would say she has a “biblical” right to divorce the dude. Other than the adultery, based on what the wife says, the husband sounds like an arrogant, uncaring, selfish jackass.

Continue reading “Go to Counseling to Deal With that Man-Child You Married (Hax Column)”