Preacher Tullian Tchividjian Possibly Involved in Another Inappropriate Sexual Relationship (March 2016) / Why Do Christians Not Have a RBGR – Reverse Billy Graham Rule

Preacher Tullian Tchividjian Possibly Involved in Another Inappropriate Sexual Relationship (March 2016) / Why Do Christians Not Have a RBGR – Reverse Billy Graham Rule?

Here is a story of a male preacher who allegedly cheated on his wife, possibly more than once, if the new report is true (links farther below). It makes me wonder: do Christians not have a Reverse Billy Graham Rule?

Normally, Christians adhere to this sexist idea that single women are sexual sex pots, temptresses, who will try to bed a man, especially if he is married.

Yet, I never hear these same Christians issue a “Beware of Christian Married Men Who Will Try to Sleep with Women” rule or advisement to single – or married – women.

Think about it. Married Christian men, including men who work as preachers, have sex with women they are not married to (see more examples (Link): here). Some of these married pastors who commit adultery will cheat not only with single women, but with women who are married to other men.

Yet – I never really hear of Christian women who insist on taking a chaperone with them when meeting any and all men, whether in public or in private.

I don’t hear Christian women insisting that an office door must stay open when they meet with  any or all men, all due to the percentage of slime ball married male pastors who do in fact take advantage of women.

I don’t see, in other words, most Christian women treating all Christian men as potential rapists or as sexual temptresses, but Christian culture sure does treat women in this manner:

However, it’s not women taking advantage of married men in the majority of these news stories, it’s quite the opposite.

Yet, there is no Reverse Billy Graham Rule in place to protect women from men.

I am not arguing in favor of a Reverse Billy Graham Rule, you understand, merely pointing out the sexist double standard held by Christians on this issue.

Preacher Tullian Tchividjian Possibly Involved in Another Inappropriate Sexual Relationship

This post is an update to this older one on my blog:

According to reports at Warren Throckmorton’s blog, Tchividjian may have been involved in yet another inappropriate sexual relationship with another woman.

You can read more about it here:

(Link): Tullian Tchividjian Out at Willow Creek Presbyterian; Majority of Liberate Network Board Members Quit

Excerpt:

  • March 2016
  • Tchividjian’s dismissal (Link): appears to be related to new allegations of wrong doing involving another inappropriate relationship prior to the affair which led to his resignation at Coral Ridge.
  • Also, the woman with whom Tchividjian had an improper relationship has accused him of owing money to her husband and of fooling his counselor while still pursuing her.

Continue reading “Preacher Tullian Tchividjian Possibly Involved in Another Inappropriate Sexual Relationship (March 2016) / Why Do Christians Not Have a RBGR – Reverse Billy Graham Rule”

How My Wild Sex Drive Killed My Marriage – review by L. Crocker of book by R. Rinaldi

How My Wild Sex Drive Killed My Marriage – review by L. Crocker of book by R. Rinaldi

I’ve read an article about this woman’s book (“The Wild Oats Project”) before. I may have blogged on it a few months ago.

Her story makes me want to barf. She made a mockery out of her first marriage.

One problem or area of weakness I have seen with Christian teachings on sexual purity (in which I include virginity and celibacy) is that if or when Christians bother to defend or promote sexual purity anymore (they seldom do these days), is that they tend to emphasize it only for singles who are teen-agers to about their mid-20s in age.

Anyone past age 25 or 30 who is sexually abstaining is ignored by Christians in regards to sexual purity encouragement or teaching.

Married couples are usually ignored in Christian sexual purity teachings as well, although every other testimony I see on Christian blogs and television is about married couples who are porn addicts, or one partner is cheating on the other with other sexual partners.

Note in the story below that sexual behavior has consequences. It can sometimes end in negative ramifications for yourself and/or your partner.

At one point, this review says that Rinaldi goes on about how much she enjoys penises and finds them beautiful, and that she enjoys sticking them in her mouth. Warning here for any men reading: the vast majority of women do not like penises or find them beautiful.

Rather, most women think penises look horrible or ridiculous, and most do not want to perform oral sex on men.

Most women don’t enjoy looking at penises and do not enjoy (Link, off site: Should You Send A Lady A Dick Pic) getting “dick pics” on dating sites, or anywhere else.

Christians – if bothering to support virginity at all these days – will tell singles that if they wait until marriage to have sex, the wait will be worth it, because the sex will be (this is their favorite phrase in this area of discussion) “mind blowing,” and it is implied by these Christians that married sex will be regular and frequent.

What this book shows that I am blogging about here is that after several years, plenty of married couples find their sex lives to be hum-drum, routine, and boring, not “mind blowing.”

Some of these spouses are fine with routine, boring sex, but the other partner in the relationship may get bored and tired of it. That is why some of them seek out affairs or weird, kinky sex moves with each other.

One of the few positive things I can say about the revolting information and story in this review about this book is that it lays to rest some secular and Christian stereotypes about female sexuality.

Here is a long excerpt from the review:

(Link): How My Wild Sex Drive Killed My Marriage – Review by L. Crocker

  • Robin Rinaldi wanted to spice up her marriage by having sex with other people—which ended up bringing a lot of heartbreak, and destroying her relationship.
  • Forty pages into her new memoir, The Wild Oats Project, Robin Rinaldi has mined every modern female anxiety: fear of being alone; boredom in monogamy; a ticking biological clock; a husband who doesn’t want children; a marriage devoid of passion.

    Rinaldi loves her husband, Scott, and has been with him for 17 years. He never wanted children, and when Rinaldi begs him to reconsider, he responds by getting a vasectomy.

    With no hope of having a family and desperate to feel passion that had long ago flickered out in her relationship, Rinaldi—then 44—negotiates an open marriage that permits both to see other people for a year.

    They jokingly refer to it as the “Wild Oats project.” She lays out ground rules—“no serious involvements, no unsafe sex, no sleeping with mutual friends”—and proceeds to break them all within a few months.

    … She advertises for hookups on Craigslist and Nerve.com (Tinder didn’t exist yet) and sleeps with men half her age…

    … Rinaldi’s husband is, for the most part, a saint. He frequently entreats her to quit the project and work on their marriage. He is patient and loving when she refuses, and reneges on his threats to leave her when she collapses in tears at his feet.

    Continue reading “How My Wild Sex Drive Killed My Marriage – review by L. Crocker of book by R. Rinaldi”

Avoid Dating Divorced Guys Who Are Dating on the Rebound – and Icky May December Relationships

Avoid Dating Divorced Guys Who Are Dating on the Rebound – and Icky May December Relationships

The letter is much farther below. I wanted to comment on it first.

Here is the set up:

A friend of a divorced guy wrote to Hax, an advice columnist.

 I’m not sure if this friend is a man or woman; let’s just assume it’s a man for my post.

My interest in this letter is not in the advice aspect: friend is upset because divorced guy keeps asking him for advice but then gets offended and explodes in anger when Friend gives him advice.

My interest in this letter pertains to two or three other facets:

The letter writing friend says his divorced friend is age mid-40s, while the wife who dumped him was in her early 30s.

I am (Link): not a  believer in “May December” relationships, for starters.

A mid- 40s guy should be dating women who are age early- to- late 40s, not an early- 30s woman.

And what in the hey is the age early- 30s woman doing even considering dating some dude who is 14, 15 years her senior?

This is something I have pondered since thinking about dating again: the rebound issue. There is no way I’d date a guy who was divorced (or widowed) for only two years, or less.

If you date a guy who just divorced (or his wife died) two weeks ago, or six months ago, he is not ready for a serious relationship – he’s not even ready for a healthy, casual, fun one.

Continue reading “Avoid Dating Divorced Guys Who Are Dating on the Rebound – and Icky May December Relationships”

Why Some People Take Breakups Harder Than Others by L. Howe

Why Some People Take Breakups Harder Than Others by L. Howe

This is one very long article. I am not going to paste all of it here, so you will have to use the link if you want to see the whole thing. It’s on The Atlantic’s site.

(Link): Why Some People Take Breakups Harder Than Others by L. Howe

  • Part of it depends on whether they believe personality is fixed or constantly changing.
  • It’s a question that often plagues people after a painful break-up:

  • What went wrong? As they work to figure out the answer, people typically create new relationship stories, analyzing the events leading up to the breakup and using them to build a cohesive narrative.

  • In some cases, this type of storytelling can be positive, helping people to make sense of—and come to terms with—painful things that happen to them. Other times, though, the storytelling process can be a negative one, compounding pain rather than easing it.

  • My colleague Carol Dweck and I research why some people are haunted by the ghosts of their romantic past, while others seem to move on from failed relationships with minimal difficulty. Over the course of our research, I’ve read hundreds of personal stories about the end of relationships, and these stories offer some clues as to what pushes a person into one group or the other.

Continue reading “Why Some People Take Breakups Harder Than Others by L. Howe”

60 Year Old Lady Contracted Herpes from Cheating Husband

60 Year Old Lady Contracted Herpes from Cheating Husband

Another example of how it can pay off to be single and celibate. Letter to advice columnist Ask Amy.

Jan 2016:

  • Dear Amy:
  • I am a 60-year-old divorced woman. My cheating ex-husband gave me herpes. Because of this I have been reluctant to date.
  • I have visited a website for people with similar conditions but didn’t find it acceptable. My question is, at what point in a relationship do you tell a potential partner that you have a sexually transmitted disease?
  • Signed,
  • Full of Fear and Loathing
  • Dear Full of Fear and Loathing:
  • I hope you will find a way to shed the stigma of having this STD, which is quite common (estimates are that 1 in 6 adults have genital herpes, though many don’t know it). You have done nothing wrong.

Continue reading “60 Year Old Lady Contracted Herpes from Cheating Husband”

Cops Searching for Married Church Preacher Who Raped Teen Girl and Impregnated Her

Cops Searching for Married Church Preacher Who Raped Teen Girl and Impregnated Her

This news story (among other ones like it I have on my blog) counters common evangelical claims about sex and marriage, including:

  1. Married persons are not necessarily more godly or mature than un-married ones.
  2. If married sex is so great and satisfying, why are married preachers boinking other women, including teen-aged girls? They should be “getting off” with their wife alone
  3. One does not have to obtain perfection or a certain level of godliness before God will allow that person to marry
  4. The “equally yoked” rule is pointless, as some Christian men are just as capable as being perverted, abusive, and deviant as Non-Christian men

(Link): Married pastor, 33, believed to be on the run after he ‘sexually assaulted teenage girl and got her pregnant’

(Link): Police: Chesco pastor accused of sexually assaulting teen

Excerpts:

  • by M. Bond
  • Jan 2016
  • Police are searching for a former Chester County pastor accused of sexually assaulting and impregnating a teenage girl who lived with him.Jacob “Jake” Malone, 33, of the 300 block of South Whitford Road in Exton, is wanted for rape, institutional sexual assault, and related offenses, police said Monday.
  • … Malone worked at Calvary Fellowship, a nondenominational church in Downingtown, for about 18 months, said Bill Bateman, one of five pastors at the church.
  • Malone and his wife treated the teenager like an adopted daughter, Bateman said.
  • …In November 2015, church leaders learned of the girl’s pregnancy and of Malone’s alleged inappropriate relationship in another state with a female whose age Bateman would not disclose.
  • The church leaders confronted Malone, he admitted he impregnated the teenager, and he resigned in mid-November, Bateman said.
  • …Police said Malone met the girl when she was about 12 and a member of a church in Mesa, Ariz., where Malone was serving as a pastor.
  • Police said several years later, in June 2014, Malone contacted the girl, who was 17. He invited her to stay with him and his family in Minnesota, where he had become a pastor.
  • The girl said Malone then began trying to have “inappropriate contact” with her, police said.

Updates.

(Link):  Pastor Charged With Raping Teenage Girl Is In Ecuador, Police Say

  • by Andy Campbell
  • A former pastor thought to be on the run after allegedly raping a teenage girl is trying to return from Ecuador to turn himself in, police said Tuesday.
  • Jacob Malone, 33, was charged last week with rape and institutional sexual assault for allegedly attacking a teen he’d met years earlier at an Arizona church, according to police from West Whiteland Township in Pennsylvania.
  • A spokesman with the police department told The Huffington Post on Tuesday that Malone hired a lawyer, and that he was in Ecuador awaiting a return flight to Pennsylvania. Malone plans to turn himself in this week, the spokesman said. Malone’s attorney, Charles Proctor, declined to comment on the case.
  • Police announced Malone’s whereabouts just a day after they said he was on the run in an unknown location.

Christian, Family Values Vlogger – Austin Null – Caught Sexting

Christian, Family Values Vlogger – Austin Null – Caught Sexting

I think I first saw this story on Twitter, and it was later picked up by SCCL (“Stuff Christian Culture Likes”) Facebook group (they are discussing the story (Link): here)

Because of stories like this one, I’m really skeptical about the “be equally yoked” teaching that married Christians insist marriage-minded singles adhere to.

I would assume that both the husband and wife in this Null marriage are Christians – what on earth is the point in a Christian woman marrying a Christian, if the Christian husband turns around and does things like have affairs on the wife, sends nude photos of himself to other people online, and so on?

On a side note here, I’m perplexed at how and why so many “family values” Christians keep blaming things like secular feminism on the downfall of culture.

I don’t see how secular feminism bears the blame for this married Christian man sending nude photos of himself to a mistress. It seems to me that is his responsibility alone, not secular feminism, or the sexual revolution of the 1960s.

I also think this is a blow to the teaching about marriage and dating one sees from some Christians which goes like this: you have to become perfect or really godly to earn a spouse from God.

If God is permitting imperfect ass-clowns like this Null guy to have a wife – a guy who cheats on her by sending nudie photos of himself to strangers on the internet – I seriously doubt God sits about saying, “I refuse to send a spouse to this adult single over here for cutting someone off in traffic two weeks ago.”

Christians often like to tell teen aged kids that if they just wait until marriage to have sex, that the sex will be frequent and great. If married Christian sex is so great, why was this married Christian man getting his rocks off sending nudie photos of himself to someone else?

(Link):   Austin Null of The Nive Nulls ADMITS to CHEATING for FIVE Months!

  • Austin and Britt Null uploaded an impromptu vlog entitled, “WE NEED TO TALK”, on their YouTube channel–The Nive Nulls. Austin and Brit discuss nude images and video that has surfaced of Austin Null being inappropriate with several intimate household objects. Austin says this issue has been a big part of the both of their lives for one year!

Continue reading “Christian, Family Values Vlogger – Austin Null – Caught Sexting”

The Islamic Billy Graham Rule – Unmarried Muslim People Are Punished For Being Alone Together

The Islamic Billy Graham Rule – Unmarried Muslim People Are Punished For Being Alone Together

Just when I think I’m done blogging on this blog for the day (and I do have other stuff to do off-line), I keep seeing pertinent stuff show up all over the internet.

This turned up on my Twitter feed:

(Link): Indonesia: Police Beat Couple with Canes for Sharia Crime of Being Alone Together

  • Islamic sharia law was enforced with canes once again in Indonesia this week, including the cane beatings of a man and woman whose “crime” was being alone together in a guest room.
  • This was no crazed mob action, either, as (Link): CNN reports the sentence was handed down by a judge, and imposed by a special police unit “charged with finding people who violate sharia law.”
  • “The form of Islamic law is enforced in a very strict way in the area, including prohibiting unmarried people of different genders from being alone together,” CNN observes.

This totally reminds me of the insipid, sexist, ineffective, stupid, anti-singles Christian “Billy Graham Rule,” which I have blogged about before here (this view seems to turn up more in Christian gender complementarianism than it does Christian gender egalitarianism):

Except under the Christian BGR (Billy Graham Rule), you will get isolated, “tsk tsked,” or suspected of being a slut, rather than get whipped with a cane.

Also, and this is kind of funny in a sad way, Christians are stricter on this rule than the Muslims, in that they also look askance at single women who are alone with MARRIED men.

Single Christian women are doomed to live and die alone, because Christians who are inappropriately applying the “avoid even the appearance of evil” verse are ostracizing single women from every one, from other singles and from the marrieds. Similar the Islamic sharia rule that prohibits singles from being together.

Another dumb, oblivious, and naive thing about the BGR is that often times, married Christians end up having affairs with other married Christians.

Yet, I don’t usually see the same level of paranoia from Christians about married Christian women hanging out with married Christian men as I do the warnings about men being around un-married (single) women.

Here are some more links about the story (off site):

(Link):  The whipping girl: Screaming in agony, a woman collapses as she and a man are caned under Sharia law in Indonesia merely for being ‘seen in close proximity’ to each other without being married

  • The woman was accused of getting too close to a fellow university student
  • As the pair are unmarried, she had committed an offence under Sharia law
  • She was brought to a mosque where she was caned in front of a crowd
  • The woman received five lashes and at end had to be taken to hospital

(Link):  Crowd cheers as woman is brutally caned for being seen near man who wasn’t her husband

  • Dec 29, 2015
  • by Ruth Halkon
  • Nur Elita, 20, had to be taken away in an ambulance after being beaten in public outside her mosque under Sharia law
  • A crowd cheered as a young woman screamed in agony as she was repeatedly caned in punishment for being in ‘close proximity’ to a man she wasn’t married to.Nur Elita, 20, had to be removed from Baiturrahumim Mosque in Banda Aceh, Indonesia, in an ambulance after she was brutally punished for allegedly showing affection towards another university student.Under Sharia law, men and women who are unmarried and unrelated are not allowed to get too close.
  • Dec 31 2015
  • Officials in Banda Aceh, Indonesia, held a public caning Monday. At the end of the punishment, she collapsed on the floor and was carried off the stage into an ambulance and rushed to hospital. Indonesia enforce strict Islamic laws including prohibiting unmarried people from having sex.
  • Cheers went up as a masked man caned the woman, as a punishment for being “seen in close proximity” to a man she wasn’t married to, under Sharia law.
  • The young Acehnese woman is caned in public, a punishment under the Islamic sharia law.
  • Banda Aceh’s Deputy Mayor Zainal Arifin, who stood among the crowd, explained to bystanders that the punishments were meant to be a lesson for all and not simply entertainment.
  • After her ordeal, 23-year-old Wahyudi Saputra, the man whom she was alleged to have been in close proximity with breached was also striked. “And also, those who have been convicted are reminded not to repeat the same mistakes”, he added.

(Link):  Woman accused of ‘affectionate contact’ with man caned in Indonesia

—————————–

Related Posts:

(Link): Similar Views of Women Between Christian Gender Complmentarians and Islamic Group ISIS

(Link): Extremist Muslims Like Family Values Too – Muslims are joining ISIS / ISIL (extremist Islamic group) because they believe it supports “Family Values” – When Christianity and Islam sound alike

(Link):  Evangelicals are Rethinking Friendship and Sexuality 

(Link):  Non-Romantic Nearness, The Billy Graham Rule, and Pope John Paul’s Friendship With a Married Woman

(Link):  Jesus Christ was not afraid to meet alone with known Prostitutes / Steven Furtick and Elevation Church Perpetuating Anti Singles Bias – ie, Single Women are Supposedly Sexual Temptresses, All Males Can’t Control Their Sex Drives – (but this view conflicts with evangelical propaganda that married sex is great and frequent)

(Link):  Patriarchy tends to sexualize all male / female relationships (article via Junia Project blog)

Link):  Southern Baptists Pushing Early Marriage, Baby Making – Iranians Pushing Mandatory Motherhood – When Christians Sound Like Muslims

(Link): Why Christians Need To Stress Spiritual Family Over the Nuclear Family – People with no flesh and blood relations including Muslims who Convert to Christianity – Also: First World, White, Rich People Problems

(Link): Modesty Teachings – When Mormons Sound like Christians and Gender Complementarians

(Link): Mormons and Christians Make Family, Marriage, Having Children Into Idols

(Link):  Topics: Friendship is Possible / Sexualization By Culture Of All Relationships

(Link):  Relationships Of Welcome, Not Fear (Re: How Sexist Christian Views Marginalize and Isolate Adult, Single Women and Maintain Other Stereotypes About Adult Singles)

(Link):   How the Sexual Revolution Ruined Friendship – Also: If Christians Truly Believed in Celibacy and Virginity, they would stop adhering to certain sexual and gender stereotypes that work against both

(Link):  Hey Ed Stetzer: Opposite Gender Friendships Are Not Sinful – Ed Stetzer’s Advice: “Avoid Any Hint” – More Like: Re Enforce UnBiblical Stereotypes About Men, Women, Sex, and Singles

(Link):  Why So Much Fornication – Because Christians Have No Expectation of Sexual

(Link):  Pervy Preacher from Seattle who teaches men “to objectify women, by his over emphasis of sexualization of women and subservience” (Re Driscoll) Purity

(Link):  Brotherly Love: Christians and Male-Female Friendships

 

Christians Should Stop Defending the BGR / How I Learned to Stop Worrying About the Billy Graham Rule and Love Like Jesus by T. Grigg

Christians Overly Fond of the BGR / How I Learned to Stop Worrying About the Billy Graham Rule and Love Like Jesus by T. Grigg

——————————–

Christians Should Stop Defending the Billy Graham Rule – Christians Are Overly Fond and Too Enamored of the Billy Graham Rule – by Christian Pundit

The link to the editorial by T. Grigg is much farther below in this post. I wanted to write some introductory thoughts…

You would not believe how entrenched this insulting BGR (“Billly Graham Rule”) is on Christian sites I visit.

There are a smattering of Christians who agree with me that the BGR is unfair and cruel to single women, but it seems a larger percentage think it’s a very sensible thing, and it’s there to protect men, especially married men, so it’s supposedly a good thing.

One woman participant on another site where this issue was under discussion was going on about the “reputations” of pastors and married men.

I asked her to consider the flip side: why was she so concerned about the reputations of male pastors and married men, but not how the BGR automatically smears the reputations of all single women? Why are the reputations of MEN deemed more important than those of women, or with how unmarried women are treated?

The BGR rule assumes that if an unmarried women meets with a married man, whether alone in his office, or at a restaurant for a meal, that an affair is guaranteed to occur. Or, gossipy tongues may be set a’ wagging.

Sometimes this assumption that an affair is guaranteed to occur is further based on the very unfair, demeaning idea that all, or most, unmarried women are over-sexed, unprincipled harlots who want to have an affair with a married man and will do anything to have sex with a married man.

Consequently, single women are viewed as temptresses by other Christians, rather than as “sisters in Christ,” and both married men and married women treat them with suspicion and do not extend hospitality to them.

Single women get demeaning treatment, such as pastors keeping their doors open during personal meetings, and so on. You, as a single woman, are automatically viewed as a threat, or as a lying harlot, who will either make a pass at the man, or lie and claim he tried to touch your cleavage.

Women don’t usually get subjected to this sort of insulting treatment in the secular world.

Continue reading “Christians Should Stop Defending the BGR / How I Learned to Stop Worrying About the Billy Graham Rule and Love Like Jesus by T. Grigg”

Your Husband’s Infidelity Is Not Your Fault by J. Roys (Christians Frequently Blame Wives For the Failings or Abuse of Their Husbands, Which is Evil and Incorrect)

Your Husband’s Infidelity Is Not Your Fault by J. Roys

Ah yes, Christian culture is quite fond of blaming WOMEN for the sexual sins of men, even though the the Bible teaches that each individual is responsible for his or her own sins.

Oddly, some strains of Christianity – especially gender complementarian Christianity – teach that husbands will be held accountable in some fashion for the sins of their wives before God in the afterlife (again, the Bible nowhere teaches this), but then, some of these same guys will turn around and pin the blame for a man’s sexual sins (extra marital affairs, porn use, whatever) on the wife!

At the end of the day, if a husband has an affair, that sin is on him and him alone, even if his wife displeases him in some way.

I am assuming that the following editorial by J. Roys may be in reaction to stories such as these:

(Link): Your Husband’s Infidelity Is Not Your Fault by J. Roys

Excerpts:

  • Adultery comes from a greedy heart, not an insufficient wife.
  • by Julie Roys, guest writer
  • …For Duggar, the remarks weren’t as direct. Following the Ashley Madison leak, her husband, Josh, admitted to several affairs and a porn addiction. Then, the Duggars’ family pastor in Arkansas addressed the leak in (Link): a sermon on infidelity. “If a husband or wife fails to keep his or her partner happy sexually they are opening themselves up to the attack of the enemy,” he said. “And that enemy is going to take your spouse away from you.”
  • A recent blog post from Anna Duggar’s mother-in-law Michelle carries that implication. When asked to share marital advice, the mom of 19 said that wives should always be available to meet their husbands’ sexual needs, even when they are exhausted or pregnant.
  • ..these stories caught my attention because I have heard this blame-the-wife rationale expressed both inside and outside the church.
  • … But it’s ludicrous to believe that Anna was responsible for Josh’s immorality. He admitted to molesting five girls when he was a teenager, including two of his sisters. …
  • Even if both these men had squeaky clean backgrounds prior to marriage, the idea that their wives bear responsibility for their infidelity can be found nowhere in Scripture.

  • Instead, this narrative seems a horribly misogynistic strategy to use fear of infidelity to compel women to submit to their husband’s sexual advances, regardless of their feelings or physical limitations. This has nothing to do with Christian marriage, and actually violates the nature of marriage itself.

  • His Sin, His Responsibility

  •  Blaming a woman for a man’s sin is as old as the Garden of Eden. When God confronted Adam for eating the apple, Adam immediately blamed Eve. “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.”

Continue reading “Your Husband’s Infidelity Is Not Your Fault by J. Roys (Christians Frequently Blame Wives For the Failings or Abuse of Their Husbands, Which is Evil and Incorrect)”

A Response To J D Hall’s Vomit-tastic Post about Village Church’s Handling of Certain Members, Covenants, and Marriages

A Response To J D Hall’s Vomit-tastic Post about Village Church’s Handling of Certain Members, Covenants, and Marriages 

Before we get to the post by J D Hall:

Background:

  • The Village Church (TVC) of Texas has placed Karen, who was once a member of theirs, under church discipline because she did not, according to them, abide by the church covenant she signed.
  • Instead of conferring with the church on what to do, Karen, on her own, sought an annulment from the state of Texas, once she discovered her then-spouse, Jordan, was a pedophile.
  • Karen said she spent about 50 days conferring with other Christians (not from the TVC), and in prayer, mulling over what to do, before seeking the annulment.
  • This action of hers has ticked off TVC leadership, because Karen did not get their permission to get the annulment.
  • Matt Chandler is the lead preacher of TVC.

You can read additional reporting of this situation here (additional material is at the bottom of this post):

Here is the page I am responding to:

(Link, off site): A Rational Response to the Criticism of Village Church  by  J D Hall, Pulpit and Pen blog

The covenant that Hall is so rigorously defending – TVC’s membership covenant – here does not even mention annulments.

As Karen explains (off site Link, Source):

  • …it is worth noting here that although The Village Church claims [in their e-mail] that “We see an annulment as a subcategory of what Scripture defines as a divorce in Mark 10:9” …, this cannot be found anywhere in their Membership Covenant or Bylaws.
  • In signing their Membership Covenant shortly after my 24th birthday, I had agreed to nothing in regards to the possibility of annulment should I come to realize that my marriage had been a complete sham from the beginning.
  • There is a vast difference between a divorce and a marriage that is voided on the grounds of fraud, and I had no way of knowing that the leadership of The Village Church would respond to it in this fashion.

Continue reading “A Response To J D Hall’s Vomit-tastic Post about Village Church’s Handling of Certain Members, Covenants, and Marriages”

Drunken Married Couple Has Threesome With Drunk Friend (Ask Amy column)

Drunken Married Couple Has Threesome With Drunk Friend (Ask Amy column)

I’ve said it before and will unfortunately will probably have to point this out again in the future, but Christians need to stop associating sexual purity and celibacy (and/or chastity) with only unmarried people, teens, and young 20 somethings, because there are still an awful lot of MARRIED COUPLES who are engaging in sexual sin.

This was in today’s Ask Amy. As if I needed another example that shows married couples are NOT more godly, mature, or responsible than single adults (which conservative Christians often like to claim):

  • DEAR AMY: My best friend came to my house last weekend after her breakup with her boyfriend. She brought a bottle of scotch.
  • My husband joined us and we kept drinking and things started to get cozy among the three of us. My husband had sex with my friend and me in succession. I encouraged this at the time.
  • The next morning, she left our house without saying a word. She texted me that she’ll never see me again as long as I’m married to my husband. I feel totally terrible. I tried to talk about it and my husband said it was the best sex experience of his life. He shows no remorse. He even said he would like to do it again!
  • As I was also involved, there was no case of cheating, right? I honestly don’t remember much.
  • Did he cheat on me? Can I hold him responsible? It was my friend who bought the alcohol and I persuaded my husband to join the party.
  • — Upset
  • DEAR UPSET: The way I read this is that your friend now refuses to be around your husband — or you as long as you are with him. It seems possible (likely, really) that she didn’t find this sexual experience consensual.
  • People who are drunk cannot give legal consent. She had just been through a breakup and was emotionally vulnerable and inebriated.
  • This was a horrible idea all around. I don’t know how you can accuse your husband of “cheating” when you were present, encouraged this, and (according to you) invited him to participate.
  • Do not blame your friend for bringing the bottle.Your husband might feel this was an awesome experience, but if he coerced (or forced) your friend (and/or you) to have sex with him while you were blackout drunk, then he is worse than a cheater, he is a rapist.
  • Things to worry about are: Possible pregnancies, and the police knocking on the door. Your friendship with this other woman is damaged, perhaps beyond repair.

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Related posts:

(Link): Why Christians Need to Uphold Lifelong Celibacy as an Option for All Instead of Merely Pressuring All to Marry – vis a vis Sexless Marriages, Counselors Who Tell Marrieds that Having Affairs Can Help their Marriages

(Link): Christian Swingers: Body-building Christian Couple Advocates and Practices Wife Swapping – and the wife calls this lifestyle “pure”

(Link): Long Time Married Lady Wants to Know If She Can Have Affair Because Husband Has Not Been Spending Much Time With Her – Another example of why Christians need to teach that sexual purity is for all not just young singles

(Link): There is No Such Thing as a Gift of Singleness or Gift of Celibacy or A Calling To Either One

(Link): When Adult Virginity and Adult Celibacy Are Viewed As Inconvenient or As Impediments

(Link): Why So Much Fornication – Because Christians Have No Expectation of Sexual Purity

The Psychology of ‘Backburner’ [Romantic] Relationships (from The Atlantic)

(Link):  The Psychology of ‘Backburner’ Relationships

Excerpts:

  • by Julie Beck
  • It’s natural for humans to pay attention to all their romantic options, and new research shows Facebook helps them do that.
  • The communication is key here. A backburner is not just someone who wanders into your thoughts every once in a while—the college sweetheart whose Facebook photos you occasionally browse, or the cute friend-of-a-friend you met on vacation and have always thought you’d really click with, if you lived in the same city. These “what-ifs” only become backburners if you actually reach out to them.

    Dibble notes that sometimes backburners know they’re backburners and sometimes they don’t—I suppose it depends on whether the communication in question is more artful than a “hey, what’s up?” text sent at 1 a.m.

This is a follow up to this news story:

(Link):  ‘Back-up husbands,’ ‘emotional affairs’ and the rise of digital infidelity

Wife Says She’s Okay With Husband Having a Girlfriend on the Side

And again. It’s stuff like this why Christians need to stop thinking of celibacy, chastity, and abstinence and sexual purity in terms of only kids ages ten to 25. There are MARRIED COUPLES who actually consider the idea of allowing their partner to cheat, or marriage counselors advising couples to cheat on each other. Another example.

Ask Amy column:

  • Dear Amy:
  • My wife and I have been happily married for over 20 years. We raised two terrific sons. We get along great and laugh a lot, but over time her interests have evolved. We used to play sports, but now she goes exclusively to the gym. At home she watches TV several hours a day, including football all weekend. She constantly has her laptop on and has a smartphone in her hand while watching TV (I’m fairly certain she has obsessive-compulsive disorder).
  • Because I don’t care for TV, I have created a quiet place in the house to read, listen to music or use the computer.
  • She has always told me she has a low sex drive. I’m not really complaining, because I love her and want her to be happy.
  • She doesn’t like to kiss and hug very much. Over the last two years she has developed consistent extreme body heat, which makes physical contact even more difficult. We thought she was having hot flashes (she is 54), but she feels this way 24 hours a day. I have looked up this condition and believe it is hyperthermia. I want her to get this checked out, and I think she will.
  • Recently I took a business trip lasting several weeks. We were happy to see each other when I returned; we made love a couple of times over a few days, and we talked a lot.
  • She told me that if I ever wanted to have a girlfriend she would not mind. This was quite a revelation. I must have the perfect wife to make such a generous offer, right? But I can’t quite wrap my head around it. The idea of dating at my age and having a positive relationship with someone other than my wife without the commitment of a “real” relationship seems foreign to me.
  • I’m not sure what to do.
  • Signed, Need A Hug

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Related:

(Link): Why Christians Need to Uphold Lifelong Celibacy as an Option for All Instead of Merely Pressuring All to Marry – vis a vis Sexless Marriages, Counselors Who Tell Marrieds that Having Affairs Can Help their Marriages

(Link): Marriage Does Not Make People More Loving Mature Godly Ethical Caring or Responsible (One Stop Thread)

(Link):   Perverted Christian Married Couple Wants to “Wife Swap” (For Sex) With Other Christian Couple – Why Christians Need to Uphold Chastity / Celibacy For All People Even Married Couples Not Just Teens

(Link): Christian Swingers: Body-building Christian Couple Advocates and Practices Wife Swapping – and the wife calls this lifestyle “pure”

(Link): New ‘Christian Swingers’ Dating Site Offers Faithful Couples Chance to ‘Hookup’

(Link): lderly Widower Dude is a Slut Says Adult Daughter – Why Churches Need to Teach Celibacy Applies to Even Married People Not Just Under Age 25 Singles

‘Back-up husbands,’ ‘emotional affairs’ and the rise of digital infidelity

‘Back-up husbands,’ ‘emotional affairs’ and the rise of digital infidelity

(Link):  ‘Back-up husbands,’ ‘emotional affairs’ and the rise of digital infidelity

Excerpts:

  • October 3 2014
  • A  (Link): new study by researchers at the University of Indiana found that Facebook users in relationships frequently use the site to keep in touch with “back-burners” — exes or platonic friends they know they could connect with romantically, should their current relationships go south.
  • Men have back-burners at roughly twice the rate of women, the study found.
  • But among both genders, the practice is widespread: On average, respondents in relationships said they had romantic or sexual conversations with two people (!) besides their current partner.That comes on top of a a recent release by the research agency OnePoll, which suggested as many as half of all women keep in touch with a “back-up husband” they could contact if their current husband doesn’t work out. (“With sites like Facebook and Twitter, it’s easier than ever to stay in touch with an old flame,” a OnePoll rep (Link): told the Daily Mail.)

    Meanwhile, sex researchers have recently begun to treat “remote infidelity” — emotional cheating, via social media or smartphone — as a valid topic of research. And it’s on the rise, the noted relationship scholar and anthropology professor (Link): Helen Fisher told Salon.

    “If you’re rushing away from the dinner table with your family to check your e-mail,” Fisher said, “it’s affecting your relationship.”

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Related posts:

(Link):  How Christians Have Failed on Teaching Maturity and Morality Vis A Vis Marriage / Parenthood – Used as Markers of Maturity Or Assumed to be Sanctifiers

(Link): Why Christians Need to Uphold Lifelong Celibacy as an Option for All Instead of Merely Pressuring All to Marry – vis a vis Sexless Marriages, Counselors Who Tell Marrieds that Having Affairs Can Help their Marriages 

(Link):  Perverted Christian Married Couple Wants to “Wife Swap” (For Sex) With Other Christian Couple – Why Christians Need to Uphold Chastity / Celibacy For All People Even Married Couples Not Just Teens

(Link):  Rent- A- Husband – (Regarding “Wedleases”)

(Link): Otherhood – An overlooked demographic – the Childless and Childfree Women and Singles Especially Women Who Had Hoped to Marry and Have Kids But Never Met Mr. Right (links)

(Link):  ‘It’s a break from the kids’: Why parents cheat more than childless couples

(Link):  “Who is my mother and who are my brothers?” – one of the most excellent Christian rebuttals I have seen against the Christian idolatry of marriage and natalism, and in support of adult singleness and celibacy – from CBE’s site

(Link): How American Parenting is Killing the American Marriage by D. Teller