Married Couple is Drifting Apart (Ask Amy Letter)

Married Couple is Drifting Apart (Ask Amy Letter)

This guy who wrote the Ask Amy advice columnist has been married for about ten or more years and says he and his wife are drifting apart. (I have pasted a copy of the letter much farther below in this post.)

He essentially says his wife is bored by him and his company and spends a lot of time away from him, out at night, with friends, or else, she’s on the phone a lot with her friends.

I was engaged to a guy for a few years – I ended up dumping the guy. While we were a couple, I could sit in the same room as him and yet still feel all alone.

The guy I was engaged to was terribly self-absorbed. My ex-fiance never took an interest in me, my opinions, my job, my life. He never paid me compliments, never gave me encouragement. I felt single and alone, even though I was in a relationship with him.

I so often see this assumption by Christians, in Hollywood movies, TV shows, and relationship advice books and articles, that you’ll never, ever be lonely if only you could just find a romantic partner. This notion is a bunch of nonsense. The truth is you can be in a relationship with someone and still feel lonely and unfulfilled.

Your partner might be a self-absorbed twit like my ex was, or your partner may be so emotionally troubled (or have an alcohol or drug addiction problem), which will leave you so busy catering to your partner’s needs, that he or she will be unable to meet yours (because your partner is too drunk, high on drugs, or psychologically damaged to be able to do so).

Continue reading “Married Couple is Drifting Apart (Ask Amy Letter)”

What It’s Really Like to Be a Guy Who Only Dates Much Older Women by L. Moore

What It’s Really Like to Be a Guy Who Only Dates Much Older Women

I am largely opposed to “May December” relationships, as (Link): I’ve blogged on before.

One of the things I found interesting about this page is that it affirms something I said on a much older post of mine –

Often times, men ages 35 and older say they prefer dating much younger women (as in, 20 somethings) because 20 year old women supposedly have less baggage. As I explained in my last post, that is pure hog-wash. Younger women generally have MORE BAGGAGE than older women.

Older women have gained life experience, have gained self esteem over the years, know what they want, won’t permit themselves to be treated disrespectfully by men, won’t put up with crap – not from men, not from bosses, not from friends or whomever.

Most women over the age of 35 or 40 have worked through their “baggage,” whether by seeing a therapist, reading books by psychologists, or just living through pain. Younger women are not there yet.

Note how all three of these younger men say that they prefer dating older women, one reason of which, is because older women “lack drama,” which is another way of saying older women lack baggage.

(Link):  What It’s Really Like to Be a Guy Who Only Dates Much Older Women by Lane Moore

Excerpts:

WHAT DO YOU LOVE MOST ABOUT DATING OLDER WOMEN?

Man A: I like how mature they can be when handling serious situations, but also how playful and youthful they are. My last girlfriend and I would sit down and listen to all my favorite music, and it was a real bonding experience I’d never had before. You don’t expect someone who is so much older to have so much in common with you or the desire to connect with you the way some older women do.

Man B: Older women have their life together. And with 15 years more experience, they’re more interesting to talk to.

Man C: There’s less drama with older women and they are much less likely to be dependent on you. A strong, independent woman is sexy.

Continue reading “What It’s Really Like to Be a Guy Who Only Dates Much Older Women by L. Moore”

Nine Ugly Lessons About Sex From Big Data (Survey About Dating Site Users Habits Etc)

Nine Ugly Lessons About Sex From Big Data (Survey About Dating Site Users Habits Etc)

About men being ageist douche bags (as this article mentions): that is why I told single women on an older post on here to go ahead and lie about their ages on dating sites.

If most men are refusing to contact women over the age of 29 on dating sites, then go ahead and state your age as 27 or what have you, even if you’re actually age 40 or 54. If the guy meets you in person and isn’t attracted to you, meh, not much lost.

But if most men won’t even consider you at all on these sites unless you are age 20 – 25 (or 20 – 35), then magically make yourself age 33 or 22 by selecting those ages on your dating profile, if you are able.

I used to be on dating sites – men, some advice: women do NOT enjoy receiving “copy and paste” messages. We can tell, about 99% of the time, if you are sending us a copy and paste message. And it’s a huge turn-off.

(Link):  9 Ugly Lessons About Sex From Big Data

Excerpts:

Here are 9 revelations about sex and dating, courtesy of Rudder, Dataclysm, and, of course, big data.

1. Straight men think women have an expiration date.

Although women tend to seek men around their age, men of all ages are by far looking for women in their early 20s, according to OkCupid data. While men often set their age filters for women into the 30s and beyond, rarely do they contact a woman over 29.

2. Straight women are far less likely to express sexual desire than are other demographics.

On OkCupid, 6.1% of straight men are explicitly looking for casual sex. For gay men, it’s 6.9%, and for lesbians, 6.9%. For straight women, it’s only 0.8%.

Continue reading “Nine Ugly Lessons About Sex From Big Data (Survey About Dating Site Users Habits Etc)”

Single, 54, and a New Dad: Why Some Start Families Late by A. Ellin

Single, 54, and a New Dad: Why Some Start Families Late

(Link):  Single, 54, and a New Dad: Why Some Start Families Late by A. Ellin

Excerpts:

August 5, 2016

SPARKY CAMPANELLA never heard the thrumming of a biological clock. But his “sociological clock” — his sense that he was missing out on something important in life — boomed mightily. At the age of 54, he decided to do something about it. He became a father.

He was single, but so what? “I decided I could either do it myself, or wait for the right partner to come along,” said Mr. Campanella, a Los Angeles fine arts photographer whose son, Rhys, is a little over 1 year old. Over the years he had dated women who had children of their own, but he realized that he didn’t want to be a stepdad.

….It’s a question many childless people over 50 are asking themselves. Of course, dealing with night feedings and rambunctious 2-year-olds are not for the faint of heart. But with their finances in order and their careers in place, with their life spans extended, some older people are concluding: Why not start — or continue — raising children in later life?

Continue reading “Single, 54, and a New Dad: Why Some Start Families Late by A. Ellin”

With Menopause Reversal, Women Could Be Forever Fertile

With Menopause Reversal, Women Could Be Forever Fertile

(Link): With Menopause Reversal, Women Could Be Forever Fertile

The hot flashes, night sweats, and vaginal dryness characteristic of menopause may no longer also signal the end of a woman’s fertility thanks to a blood treatment used to heal wounds.

Presenting their findings at the European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology annual meeting in Helsinki, Finland, this month, researchers in Greece said they were able to reverse menopause in roughly 30 women, including one who entered menopause at 40 but five years later menstruated again, reports (Link): New Scientist.

Continue reading “With Menopause Reversal, Women Could Be Forever Fertile”

How to Date When You’re Almost Middle-Aged by A. Broadway

How to Date When You’re Almost Middle-Aged by A. Broadway

I skimmed this article over the other day (the link to it is much farther below; I wanted to say a few words first).

I’m over 40, the author was like 38 around the time of writing.

I don’t wish to re-read it, so I’m gong on memory. From what I remember, she seems to tilt to the belief that the older you get, the fewer decent men you have to choose from (I sometimes see this idea in regards to older women: that single women over the age of 35, 40 or 45 are somehow “flawed,” which is why they are still single, or single again).

The author therefore assumes if she does land a man at age 38 / 40, he is likely to be a loser or weirdo.

Look, I am not on board with that sort of negative, defeatist thinking. I’m over 40 and have never married (but yes, I was engaged to a guy for a few years. I have done the “serious relationship” thing).

Like all humans, yes, I have made mistakes in life and have a few odd-ball habits: but who does not. Still, for the most part, I am pretty normal. I’d make a great wife.

Therefore, any time I see married people or adult singles argue that singles over 35, 40, or older, are somehow losers or odd balls, I resent it – because, by default, you’re lumping me into that generalization. I am not a loser or a weirdo.

Over my time on the internet, especially since starting this blog, I’ve met other never-married or single again persons who are over the age of 35, and they’ve not been able to find a life partner. Not because they are losers, weirdos, or failures, but just for the simple fact that finding a compatible partner is not all that easy.

There are more never-married adults over 35 and 40 now (and “single again” adults) than at any time in our nation’s history, according to various news report I’ve seen the last 2 or 3 years. I find it hard to believe that all of the many thousands of over-40 singles are weirdos or too mal-adjusted to marry.

God knows I’m not as effed up as the (Link): married people I routinely blog about: the married, Christian men who rape their wives, abuse girlfriends, or who (Link): murder mistresses or who are arrested for fondling kids.

Continue reading “How to Date When You’re Almost Middle-Aged by A. Broadway”

Celibate Christian Woman Asks Christian Host Why God Will Not Send Her a Husband

Celibate Christian Woman Asks Christian Host Why God Will Not Send Her a Husband

A couple of days ago, I saw this episode of The 700 Club.

A celibate Christian woman wrote Pat Robertson this question –

And her question is one all Christians avoid: they just scream at a 20 year old today to MARRY NOW NOW NOW!

They have no advice and no encouragement to give any adult over 35 who wants to be married but still finds him or herself single.

The usual Christian response is just to shame this lady for supposedly not having done enough to marry when younger, in spite of not knowing her background, or what she did to try to marry – Christians just arrogantly ASSUME if you are not married past a certain age, it is all your fault, and there were no mitigating circumstances.

So here’s her question to Pat, host of The 700 Club:

  • Dear Pat,
  • The Bible says that it’s better to marry than to burn with lust, but what about someone like me who can’t find someone to marry?

Continue reading “Celibate Christian Woman Asks Christian Host Why God Will Not Send Her a Husband”

Dad Buys Full-Page $900 Newspaper Ad Seeking a Wife for His 48 Year Old, Never Married Son

Dad Buys Full-Page $900 Newspaper Ad Seeking a Wife for His 48 Year Old, Never Married Son

I hope this father realizes that men over 40 who father kids are more likely to father a kid with various diseases, see link 1, link 2, link 3.

(Link): Dad places newspaper ad to find wife for son

(Link):  Dad seeks ‘wife’ for 48-year-old son with full-page newspaper ad

(Link):  Wife wanted: Dad places spouse-needed ad in Idaho newspaper

  • The ad gives a brief description of Brooks, including a photo with the disclaimer, “I look just like my picture, except I now have grey hair.” The “About You” section states applicants “Will be attractive being height and weight proportional.” It also goes on to say that applicants should be prepared to have children with Brooks and also be a stay-at- home mom.

(Link):  MEDDLING BEVERLY HILLS DAD PUTS OUT FULL-PAGE AD TO FIND 48-YEAR-OLD SON A WIFE

  • He said his father has been ill and wants a grandson to carry on the family name.Brooks compared his father to Larry David’s character in the TV series “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” saying he “thinks he does the right thing, and then it all blows up in his face.”

    He said he’d never buy an ad like this himself, but “it’s worth a shot. Can’t hurt.”

(Link):  Full-page newspaper ad seeking wife

(Link): Dad Buys Full-Page $900 Newspaper Ad Seeking a Wife for His 48 Year Old, Never Married Son

  • One father in Beverly Hills is trying to find his son a wife the old-fashioned way.
  • Arthur Brooks, 78, spent $900 on a full-page ad in Idaho’s Coeur d’Alene Press newspaper using the headline “Looking For a Wife.”

Continue reading “Dad Buys Full-Page $900 Newspaper Ad Seeking a Wife for His 48 Year Old, Never Married Son”

When Newsweek ‘Struck Terror in the Hearts of Single Women’ – Bogus Study Said Women Over 40 More Likely To Be Killed By A Terrorist Than to Marry

When Newsweek ‘Struck Terror in the Hearts of Single Women’ – Bogus Study Said Women Over 40 More Likely To Be Killed By A Terrorist Than to Marry

I was maybe a teen or in my 20s when this study came out. I remember at the time thinking it sounded pretty questionable and stupid.

(Link):  When Newsweek ‘Struck Terror in the Hearts of Single Women’ by M. Garber

Excerpts:

  • Thirty years ago, the magazine declared that single women over 40 are more likely to be killed by terrorism than to get married—prompting a nationwide crisis whose anxiety still lingers.
  • …Thirty years later—the publication date of the article was June 2—it’s easy to forget that the so-pervasive-as-to-be- (Link): Ephroned marriage-and-terrorism stat was plucked from a single piece of journalism that was in turn based on a study that was, at the time of the story’s publication, unpublished. It’s also easy to forget, given its resonance, that the stat comes from an article that has since been so (Link): thoroughly (Link): debunked, by demographers and sociologists and media outlets alike, that Newsweek, 20 years after the fact, (Link): retracted it.

Continue reading “When Newsweek ‘Struck Terror in the Hearts of Single Women’ – Bogus Study Said Women Over 40 More Likely To Be Killed By A Terrorist Than to Marry”

The Worst Things a Man Can Say in His Online Dating Profile by S. Farris

The Worst Things a Man Can Say in His Online Dating Profile by S. Farris

I would also add to the list on the page I am linking to:

Hetero Men who are seeking women on dating sites and apps: do not send women unsolicited penis photos; do not have anything mentioning sex on your profile, and do not mention (or joke about) sex in any of your “must have” lists on dating sites or any part of your profile.

I don’t care if you are totally into sex and think sex is mucho importante in a relationship, any mention of sex (even if you think it’s funny to put vulgar jokes on your profile) is a turn-off (and / or creepy) to most women.

You wait until you have been dating a person for awhile to bring sex up, and even then, you should be TASTEFUL about it, not crass or perverted or weird.

(Link): The Worst Things a Man Can Say in His Online Dating Profile

Excerpts:

  • They show up for dates looking nothing like their pictures. They tell long, rambling stories about their “psycho exes” or spend the entirety of the evening talking about their material possessions.
  • Men who date online never fail to surprise the women they meet, but they seem to be blissfully ignorant of the fact that they’re scaring people off.
  • With men now (Link): drastically outnumbering women on many dating apps, can guys afford to offend the few female users they might attract?
  •  

    Working with April Masini, a New York City-based relationship expert and psychotherapist, we analyzed responses from women who are currently active on the online dating scene.

  • Masini regularly offers dating advice to people of both genders through her website (Link): AskApril.com. She reviewed the lines women hate to see most on online dating profiles and gave her advice on how men can better phrase them.
  • 1. “No drama.”
  • By the time people join online dating sites, they’ve often had a wealth of experiences that include breakups, job transitions, and possibly even parenthood.

Continue reading “The Worst Things a Man Can Say in His Online Dating Profile by S. Farris”

World’s Oldest Woman Said Secret to Long Life is Staying Single

World’s Oldest Woman Said Secret to Long Life is Staying Single

(Link): World’s Oldest Woman Said Secret to Long Life is Staying Single

Excerpts:

  • by Y. Shah
  • The world has a new oldest person. Meet Emma Morano of Verbania, Italy. At 116-years-old, Morano is believed to be the last documented person alive who was born in the 1800s.

Continue reading “World’s Oldest Woman Said Secret to Long Life is Staying Single”

Mothers Over 40 in Record Baby Boom: Number of Women Who Give Birth in Their Fifth Decade or Later Trebles

Mothers Over 40 in Record Baby Boom: Number of Women Who Give Birth in Their Fifth Decade or Later Trebles

This article is from 2010. I could have sworn I already did a blog post on this, but I looked around my blog a little bit and don’t see it.

(Link): Mothers over 40 in record baby boom: Number of women who give birth in their fifth decade or later trebles

  • By Steve Doughty for the Daily Mail
  • A baby boom among older women has trebled the number giving birth after their 40th birthday.
  • Almost 27,000 babies were born to mothers over 40 last year, figures revealed yesterday.
  • The unprecedented level is nearly three times the total of 20 years ago and up by 50 per cent over the past decade.
  • Even during the post-war childbirth peak in the Sixties there were fewer children born to women in their fifth decade and beyond.
  • Britain now has one of the highest birth rates for older women in the world, with 3.8 per cent of all babies born to mothers over 40. Only Italy has a higher level in Europe.

Continue reading “Mothers Over 40 in Record Baby Boom: Number of Women Who Give Birth in Their Fifth Decade or Later Trebles”

Woman in Her 70s May Be Oldest Ever to Give Birth

Woman in Her 70s May Be Oldest Ever to Give Birth

(Link): Woman in Her 70s May Be Oldest Ever to Give Birth

Excerpts:

  • By ARSHAD R. ZARGAR & ASHLEY WELCH CBS NEWS
  • May 12, 2016, 3:23 PM
  • A woman in India could make the record books as one of the oldest ever to give birth.
  • Daljinder Kaur, who’s believed to be at least 70 years old, gave birth to a son named Arman (meaning “wish” in Hindi) on April 19. The baby was the first for Kaur and her 79-year-old husband, Mohinder Singh Gill, after nearly five decades of marriage.
  • “I feel blessed to be able to hold my own baby. I had lost hope of becoming a mother ever,” said Kaur, who underwent two years of (Link): IVF treatment and had two failed attempts earlier.

Continue reading “Woman in Her 70s May Be Oldest Ever to Give Birth”

Salvation Army Bans Duggar / Quivering Cult’s ‘Retreat’ (Called ‘Get Them Married’) that Promoted Arranged Marriages for Teen Girls – Quivering Advocates Are Anti-Adult Singleness and Anti-Celibacy

Salvation Army Bans Duggar / Quivering Cult’s ‘Retreat’ (Called ‘Get Them Married’) that Promoted Arranged Marriages for Teen Girls – Quivering Advocates Are Anti-Adult Singleness and Anti-Celibacy 

Before I present you with the links to the news reports about this story (which are much farther down the page), I wanted to make some introductory comments in general, and a few specific comments refuting a few points from a pro-Quivering page about celibacy.

In regards to the specific news story I am blogging about today, this Quivering group is completely overlooking Apostle Paul’s comments in (Link): 1 Corinthians 7 that it is better for people to remain single than it is to marry – and Paul does not say that this teaching is in regards only to “a few,” or only a “minority” of people.

The Bible nowhere states that marriage is “a norm,” or that God expects or wants all, or most, people to marry.

It just so happens that in other cultures thousands of years ago, most people did happen to marry – one should not deduce from this cultural situation that God supported it or wanted it to be so. It just was what it was.

If the Bible said that all or most ancient Jews painted their bodies green once a year and balanced weasels on their heads while jumping up and down on a watermelon one week out of a year, one should not assume from this that

  • 1. God created that cultural practice and/or that
  • 2. God wanted Americans in the year 2016 to practice these things as well.

The Quivering group’s position on marriage, celibacy, and singleness is unbiblical, not to mention disturbing.

According to this article (linked to much farther below), the Quivering group was going to call this event, (where they set up marriages for little girls to marry), “Get Them Married.”

Why not have an event called, per 1 Corinthians 7, “It Is Better To Stay Unmarried”?

Am I opposed to marriage? No.

Is the God of the Bible against marriage? No.

But the Bible does not say that being married is better or more holy for girls, women, or culture, than being single, but a lot of Christian groups, and these wacky Christian cults, insist otherwise.

Christians need to do a better job of recognizing adult singleness and celibacy as legitimate, godly, biblical lifestyles and choices for all persons (and not only meant for a small minority of people who were supposedly “gifted” with it), instead of promoting marriage and natalism as the only legitimate avenues or as ways of fixing culture, the nation, or as pleasing God.

Continue reading “Salvation Army Bans Duggar / Quivering Cult’s ‘Retreat’ (Called ‘Get Them Married’) that Promoted Arranged Marriages for Teen Girls – Quivering Advocates Are Anti-Adult Singleness and Anti-Celibacy”

Why Victoria’s Secret Can’t Sell Sex to Millennials by C. Samelson

Why Victoria’s Secret Can’t Sell Sex to Millennials by C. Samelson

I think I detected a slight undertone of ageism in this against people age 40 and older (in parts from the article that I did NOT excerpt on my blog), but anyway.

(Link): Why Victoria’s Secret Can’t Sell Sex to Millennials by C. Samelson

Excerpts:

  • April 22, 2016
  • …The folks behind the billion-dollar bra business have good reasons to start shaking things up; although Victoria’s Secret has long enjoyed a reputation as the sexiest store in your local mall, that signature sex appeal is posing challenges as the company tries to lure younger shoppers to its stores.
  • If Victoria’s Secret wants to avoid the same fate millennials meted out to the once super cool and sexy Abercrombie & Fitch, it’ll have to answer the question: “What is sexy?”

    More specifically, Victoria’s Secret will have to reconsider “what is sexy” according to today’s diversity-minded, politically correct, socially conscious millennials and their changing consumer ethos, which could present some serious problems for the panty powerhouse.

    Consider Victoria’s Secret’s stable of supermodels, the busty bombshells whose depictions of beauty and sexiness are at risk of being seen by teens and twenty-somethings as boring at best, backwards at worst.

    Our culture’s current standard of physical desirability seems to be shifting away from the VS model of impossibly tall and thin and toward fuller, curvier physiques (think Kim Kardashian) that are more representative of the average American woman.

    Continue reading “Why Victoria’s Secret Can’t Sell Sex to Millennials by C. Samelson”

Eight Ways to Rethink the Conversation About Singleness by K. Kreminski

Eight Ways to Rethink the Conversation About Singleness by K. Kreminski

  • PREFACE: my blog stalker, John Morgan, is probably going to take this link I spotted today and share it on his own blog, reference it on his own blog, or visit this other blog to leave a comment there.
  • The guy apparently takes content from my blog without giving me credit, which is not only dishonest or unfair, but it’s hypocritical, because in the past he deemed me untrustworthy for not stating my real name on my blog or posts.
  • If you think I am untrustworthy for using a pen name, or for whatever reason, stop taking any links, content, and ideas from my blog to use on your own blog, or to run over to other sites I link to in order to leave comments there. You are being a huge hypocrite.
  • Please see (Link): this post for more on John Morgan or (Link): this post. Thank you.

This blog post by Kreminski about singleness (link and excerpt much farther below) hits on several points I’ve been raising on my own blog for the last 3 or 4 years:

Christians are already too marriage focused, and in their defensive posture of saving culture and marriage from what they perceive as threats (such as homosexual marriage and liberalism), they hype marriage to the exclusion of singleness.

Some conservatives and Christians go so far as to denigrate singleness in order to extol marriage, something the Bible never does. The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 7 it is better to stay single than marry, and that marriage does nothing but bring people problems in life.

I have also noted on my blog many times before that the demographics in our nation (and others) have shifted with more people staying single over their lifetimes, or, if they marry, they are marrying at much older ages than they used to. Most conservative expressions of Christianity, however, continue to cater to married couples.

Out of the Christians who do notice this demographic shift, they shame singles for being singles and promote something called “early marriage.” These Christians shame and scold Christians to get married, rather than just accept them in their single status.

In previous blog posts, I have also discussed what I termed “Married People Privilege.” Married people, especially ones with children, like to think that their lives are ten times more difficult than that of childless singles.

Continue reading “Eight Ways to Rethink the Conversation About Singleness by K. Kreminski”

Ministering to the Unmarried at Home and Abroad by C. Darnell

Ministering to the Unmarried at Home and Abroad by C. Darnell

(Link): Ministering to the Unmarried at Home and Abroad by C. Darnell

Excerpts:

  • March 8, 2016
  • For Kim Jackson, staying single into her 50s wasn’t a “big holy decision.” She dated through her 20s, but never met the right person.
  • “I had some pressure from friends and family for quite a while—now I’m so old, I guess they gave up,” said Jackson, now 58.
  • The percentage of unmarried adults in America has been growing since the 1970s. Today, almost half of U.S. adults are either divorced, widowed, or never married. But much church activity revolves around couples and families.
  • Jackson doesn’t begrudge the church its focus on families, but more could be done to make singles feel comfortable, she said.  Sunday school class names like “Pairs and Spares” or “Fish Out of Water” make singles feel like they don’t have a place in the church.

Continue reading “Ministering to the Unmarried at Home and Abroad by C. Darnell”

Critique of: Why Single Men May Not Be Having the Most Fun by W. B. Wilcox (who tends to be a marriage idolater and anti-singles bigot)

Critique of: Why Single Men May Not Be Having the Most Fun by W. B. Wilcox (who tends to be a marriage idolater and anti-singles bigot)

I would encourage you to take anything this Wilcox guy says with a huge grain of salt, especially if it pertains to singleness. 

Wilcox is a huge marriage idolater and is anti-singleness. He has the tendency to write anti-singles editorials in a push to elevate marriage. I’ve written of his anti-singless, singleness fear mongering before (Link): here.

Wilcox seems to feel that if he can scare singles about being single – such as telling us that being single will increase our odds of being raped or getting toe nail fungus or growing a third hand out of our heads – that this will motivate all us singles to run out and marry right away.

Of course, one problem with that view is that there are plenty of singles who do want to marry but are unable to find a partner (see this link as one example, see this link for additional commentary).

These anti-singles marriage idolaters (like Wilcox) just ASSUME all or most singles HATE marriage and are intentionally avoiding it, when such is not the case for all singles.

Guys like Wilcox have this terribly biased view that married life is the only way to go for anyone, that to improve a society or culture, everyone should marry (and marry in their 20s), and live out the 1950s nuclear family Ward and June Cleaver lifestyle, and he (like a lot of my fellow conservatives) is very put off that so many people are opting out of marriage, or just staying single whatever the reason.

So, these marriage idolaters do everything they can to write pages claiming that being single is not as safe, healthy, fun, or wise for individuals or culture as marriage supposedly is.

Articles like this also fail to take into account the “equally yoked” teaching which exists among Christians, a rule which prohibits Christian singles from marrying Non-Christian persons.

The problem with this is that for every single Christian man, there are 55 million single Christian women (no, that’s not an exact figure – it’s my way of saying… There are not enough single males for the single religious ladies who want to marry).

At one point in his article, Wilcox goes on and on about how lonely some single guy is who he discusses as an example of how crummy single life can be for some men.

True, being single can be or feel lonely at times – but so too can being in a marriage.

I was in a long term, serious relationship, and there were times that although I was sitting in the same room as my fiance, I still felt all alone, because the ass hat (my fiance) was not meeting my emotional needs; he did not care to, he was terribly self absorbed. I blogged more about that (Link): here, in this older post if you’d like to read that.

I did a blog post about (Link): women whose husbands developed early dementia – once their husband’s minds “went,” the husbands ceased being being friends and companions to their wives and became large, dependent children.

Having a romantic partner is no guarantee you won’t experience loneliness.

Articles like this one I am linking to you here in this post just perpetuate the notion that there is something “wrong” with being single, or that being single is not “as good” as being married.

I’m not sure if Wilcox is a Christian or not, but I do know that there is nothing in the Bible that says that being married is better than being single, or that everyone being married “cures” society of its problems.

I would not be surprised if singles advocate Bella DePaulo doesn’t, in the future, refute this page by Wilcox in (Link): her column over at Psychology Today – or, you know, it looks like (Link, off site): she’s already refuted the Wilcox page, in a fashion.

Edit (Feb 15, 2016). Ms. DePaulo dropped by and left a comment below. I wanted to edit this post to add a link she left in her comment, and one other one:

This Wilcox piece is singles shaming at its finest – painting singleness as though it’s some mental or physical health problem that needs the cure of marriage. Or, you could say it is a form of ‘singles concern trolling,’ I guess.

Views such as Wilcox’s also suggest that a person cannot or does not become a “whole” person or a mature person unless or until he or she marries – something which the Bible does not endorse at all. A person does not have to marry or become a parent in order to reach maturity or wholeness.

Also note how often Wilcox seems to be stressing people marry in their 20s in his essay – marriage idolaters such as this show no consideration for anyone over 30 or 40 or older who would like to marry but who find themselves single. Marriage-pushers such as Wilcox come across as being very ageist.

(Link): Why Single Men May Not Be Having the Most Fun By W. Bradford Wilcox

Excerpts:

Bradford Wilcox is the (Link): director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia and a senior fellow of the (Link): Institute for Family Studies. He is the coauthor of “Soul Mates: Religion, Sex, Love, and Marriage Among African Americans and Latinos.”

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…Oh, the life of the young single man. Pop culture’s depiction of young men’s single years as impossibly fun, footloose and fancy-free has a certain purchase in our culture. It’s one reason why plenty of young men look at marriage as a “ball and chain,” but that mind-set can have a number of downsides.

Continue reading “Critique of: Why Single Men May Not Be Having the Most Fun by W. B. Wilcox (who tends to be a marriage idolater and anti-singles bigot)”

Woman Marries First Time at Age 50 – A 700 Club Episode

Woman Marries First Time at Age 50 – A 700 Club Episode

This woman’s story was on today’s broadcast of Christian TV show “The 700 Club”

She did not marry for the first time until she was 50 years old to a guy the same age or a bit older than her. I think the show said he was divorced before.

You can listen to her story here:

Her story starts around the 11:15 mark of the video

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Related Posts:

(Link): Stop Telling Women Their Most Valuable Asset Is Their Youth (From Time) 

(Link):   True Love Waits . . . and Waits . . . and Waits – editorial about delayed marriage and related issues

(Link): The Grief, Happiness, and Hope of Late-in-Life Singleness by H. Ferguson

(Link):  Want To But Can’t – The One Christian Demographic Being Continually Ignored by Christians Re: Marriage

(Link): Woman’s First Marriage at Age 40+

Continue reading “Woman Marries First Time at Age 50 – A 700 Club Episode”

I’m a [Single / Unmarried] Woman, and my Church Didn’t Know What To Do With That – by A D Abdallah

I’m a [Single / Unmarried] Woman, and my Church Didn’t Know What To Do With That – by A D Abdallah

This author hits on a lot of points I have on my own blog in the past few years.

One point she hammers on which I have blogged on a couple of times myself, is that a lot of churches, for some stupid reason, equate having sex and/or being married with becoming an adult.

You can be an adult at age 40, but Christians will still treat you as though you are a child because you have never married, and they associate being married with being an adult. This needs to stop. You don’t need to marry, have sex, or have children to be a full-fledged adult.

The author also discusses another common experience among a lot of Christian women: the huge pressure other people place on you to marry and to marry right away, and that you should change aspects of yourself (such as “dumb yourself down”) to attract “husband material.”

Notice how Christians just assume you want to marry or that all people will marry. The reality is that not everyone wants to marry, and some people, even if they do want to marry, never manage to because they never find a suitable partner.

I am putting this blog post under the rubric of “ageist” or “ageism” because I have noticed that churches, while fine with singles who are under the age of 25, tend to ignore or insult singles who are over the age of 25 or 30.

(Link): I’m a [Single / Unmarried] Woman, and my Church Didn’t Know What To Do With That by A D Abdallah

Some excerpts (with a comment or two below this excerpt by me):

  • Our identity isn’t stagnant, figured out when young, and never changing or developing. No, it is formed throughout our lives, especially during transitions. While some aspects endure, others mature, some are added, and still others are cast off.
  • When I was about sixteen, a pastor told me to be less assertive and strong because otherwise I’d never find a husband. Mom says I came home saying I couldn’t deny who I really was in order to please others.
  • But my husbandless twenties left me wondering about who I was. Not about whether I was assertive or strong, but about my identity as a woman. I had only understood womanhood in the roles of wife and mother, roles I did not have.
  • After college graduation, I moved to South America to teach school. The church kept me in the jovenes group—the one for teenagers and other unmarried folks. Two years later, in my rural Pennsylvania church, people treated me like I was still a college kid. I knew I was in the fourth year of my teaching career, but was I a woman or still just a girl?

Continue reading “I’m a [Single / Unmarried] Woman, and my Church Didn’t Know What To Do With That – by A D Abdallah”