Survey Reveals Singles Over 50s Can Still Be A Good Catch

Survey Reveals Singles Over 50s Can Still Be A Good Catch

(Link): Survey reveals singles over 50s can still be a good catch

by Chris Matthews
Oct 3, 2022

Single over 50s can still find love but it helps if they have paid off their mortgage, can cook a Sunday lunch, have not married more than twice and have their own teeth, according to a survey.

A list of partner must-haves for over 50s singletons has been revealed in research, with sense of humour topping the list, as a massive six in ten said it was the number one thing they look for in a significant other.

Being well read, not having been married more than twice , having your own hair and being up to speed on current affairs are all factors which make someone over 50 more alluring.

Continue reading “Survey Reveals Singles Over 50s Can Still Be A Good Catch”

I’m Pregnant With My Own Son’s Baby by A. Diaz – and Conservative Reactions to the News Story

I’m Pregnant With My Own Son’s Baby by A. Diaz – and Conservative Reactions to the News Story

This post has been edited after publication to add more commentary, links.


I find these types of stories to be a little… gross.

I see that conservative site “Not Babylon Bee” has shared this news story on their Twitter feed – as if to suggest they find this gross and icky.

They made it a point to mention that the age of the woman in the story is age 56 (you can see their tweet embedded in this post below).

However… I am a conservative who has spoken out on this blog for years about how too many secular and religious conservatives have turned parenthood, marriage, and the nuclear family into idols that they worship.

A reminder: I am not “anti parenthood,” I am not “anti marriage,” and I am not “anti nuclear family,” but I have been long disturbed by how so many conservatives have elevated parenthood, marriage, and the “the family” to an unhealthy degree, even beyond what the Bible itself does.

Among many conservatives, Motherhood is falsely said or thought to be a woman’s highest, or only, calling by God, which leaves never married and celibate women (such as myself) marginalized, or infertile women marginalized.

So… I find it a tad hypocritical that any conservative outlet would share this news story as though it’s gross, since they’re not being consistent with their hyper- pro- nuclear family, hyper- pro- parenthood view points.

The “Not Babylon Bee” site, to be consistent with their idolization of motherhood and the nuclear family, should be joyously proclaiming, “Oh, how lovely, this older lady is pregnant with her son’s baby.” But are they approaching it like that? Nope.

It’s possible I’m wrong, and they are, once more, unfortunately extolling the virtues of motherhood (as if being a baby carrier is a woman’s only value), but  the vibe I get is that they think it’s disturbing that a 56 year old is carrying, as a surrogate, her son’s kid.

Either way you slice it, Not Babylon Bee’s take on the topic can result in being sexist.

(Link): I’m Pregnant With My Own Son’s Baby by A. Diaz

Sept 22, 2022

A pregnant mother is expecting … her own grandchild.

Nancy Hauck, 56, can’t wait to give birth to her granddaughter. “I never planned for it, but I am so glad I chose to carry my son’s baby,” she told SWNS.

The grandmother offered to become a surrogate for her son Jeff, 32, and his wife Cambria, 30, after her daughter-in-law had a life-saving hysterectomy following the traumatic birth of their second set of twins.

“I just suddenly had a feeling a few months after that I should offer to do it,” she explained. “I told my son, and he teared up and was shocked — I hadn’t even told my husband at that point. But he was really supportive.”

The young couple had struggled for six years before they welcomed twins, Vera and Ayva, now three, and then, Diseal and Luka, 11 months, via IVF.

Continue reading “I’m Pregnant With My Own Son’s Baby by A. Diaz – and Conservative Reactions to the News Story”

Number of ‘Lonely, Single’ Men is on the Rise as Women with Higher Dating Standards Look for Partners Who are ‘Emotionally Available, Good Communicators, and Share Similar Values’, Says Psychologist

Number of ‘Lonely, Single’ Men is on the Rise as Women with Higher Dating Standards Look for Partners Who are ‘Emotionally Available, Good Communicators, and Share Similar Values’, Says Psychologist

If any of the usual conservative commentators, male or female, get wind of this article by this psychologist, they will somehow try to pin the blame for more men going single longer – on all women, or on feminism.

I’m a conservative who doesn’t agree with progressive woke ideology, but I’ve noticed that other conservatives, despite claiming to believe in the concept of ‘personal responsibility’ never- the- less do not want to hold men accountable for the failures of men, whether on the individual level or men as a group.

Then, these same conservatives, who bemoan the “victimhood” mentality of progressivism, go on to depict all men as being poor, put upon victims.

If men of today are finding it more difficult to get dates, they need to take personal responsibility and work on improving themselves, rather than go the usual “blame feminism” or “blame all women” route, which is what they normally do.

I can see secular and Christian conservatives blaming women for this phenomenon – they are going to blame and shame women, and yell at women to lower their standards.

I find it absolutely refreshing to learn from these articles that women are now vastly out-numbered on dating sites.

I think I read the figure is 62%; that is, 62% of the participants on dating sites are male, the rest are female, so that women have the pick of the litter, LOL. This is a nice turn around.

This is the total opposite of churches.

Most churches have gender imbalances that favor single men – most churches have way more single women than single men. If you’re a single, practicing Christian woman that wants marriage, you need to dump the “equally yoked” rule and perhaps giving dating sites a second look.

Not that dating sites and apps are a god-send, because there are weirdos, rapists, and wackos on there, but you have more single men to choose from on dating sites than in many churches.

(Link):  The Rise of Lonely, Single Men by Greg Matos

Excerpts:

Dating apps and a drastically changing relationship landscape.

KEY POINTS

    • Dating opportunities for heterosexual men are diminishing as relationship standards rise.
    • Men represent approximately 62% of dating app users, lowering their chances for matches.
    • Men need to address skills deficits to meet healthier relationship expectations.

(Link): Number of ‘lonely, single’ men is on the rise as women with higher dating standards look for partners who are are ’emotionally available, good communicators, and share similar values’, says psychologist

August 15, 2022
by Jessica Green

Men are lonelier than ever as they struggle to meet the higher dating standards of modern women, according to a psychologist.

American psychologist Greg Matos wrote in a recent Psychology Today article that the current state of young and middle-aged men’s love lives shows they need to ‘address a skills deficit’.

He said: ‘I hear recurring dating themes from women between the ages of 25 and 45: They prefer men who are emotionally available, good communicators, and share similar values’.

Yet, he claimed he’s found that modern men’s biggest problem is communication, which is ‘the lifeblood of healthy, long-term love’.

It comes as data shows dating apps are overrun with men – who represent 62 per cent of users – and figures collected in the US in 2019 showed more men than women were single.

Dr Matos said society fails to teach young boys the importance of communication, which has resulted in growing numbers of unintentionally single men.

Continue reading “Number of ‘Lonely, Single’ Men is on the Rise as Women with Higher Dating Standards Look for Partners Who are ‘Emotionally Available, Good Communicators, and Share Similar Values’, Says Psychologist”

Lifeway Research: Pastors Encourage Single Adults, Some Provide Targeted Ministries

Lifeway Research: Pastors Encourage Single Adults, Some Provide Targeted Ministries

I’m afraid this is too little too late, and it also still sounds like a lot of pastors and Christians are apathetic about meeting the needs of single (especially never married) adults who are over the age of 30.

If you’re a church, or a secular or religious conservative, you need to meet people where they are and meet their needs where they are currently, rather than lambasting people for not being married, shaming them, or lecturing them about being single and the so-called importance of the Nuclear Family.

And stop putting the onus on single adults to meet their own needs and the needs of other single adults.

If your church has staff and devotes funds to minister to married with young children, drug addicts, divorced adults, or people in the grieving process,
you need to also set aside church staff and funds to set up programs and services to cater to single adults over the age of 30,
rather than making this hypocritical exception where you put the burden on single adults to set up single adults ministries and fund raise for single adult ministries.

To put this another way, many churches expect that older single adults who want more attention and effort poured into older single adults at the church will be told to take the matter into their own hands and to create and maintain singles classes and singles activities, rather than the church making it happen.

Most of you churches these days behave like international secular corporations, like a McDonald’s, where you cater to various special interest groups  (such as married couples, divorced adults, people in addiction recovery, or millennials or gen Z), but you’re telling me, you hypocrites, you cannot be bothered to view older single adults as another interest group you would be willing to market to and serve? That makes no sense.

I’m sorry, but no. That is complete hypocrisy.

If your church (like many churches) has classes, social functions, pot luck meals, and sermons devoted regularly to ‘married- with- children couples’ and THEIR particular needs and concerns,
and you don’t demand that married members set up these classes and provide elbow grease to other married couples (and you don’t), it’s totally hypocritical and infuriating to demand that single adults do the heavy lifting for single adult ministries.

If your church is willing to pick up the slack and provide services to married couples (and all of you do this, because you WORSHIP parenthood, natalism, marriage and the Nuclear Family), you can damn well also cater to the needs and interests of older single (and childless) adults as well, and stop asking the single adults to sponsor, create, manage or maintain the programs in place for older single adults.

Another news flash for churches and preachers:

You’re not going to diminish the phenomenon of delayed marriage or the increasing number of single adults by doing any of the following
(which you’ve tried before for over a decade now, these approaches do not work, and actually drive singles away from churches AND from the faith itself, in some cases):

  • shaming or criticizing single adults for being single and assuming they are still single because they are failures, losers, ugly, fat, too picky, selfish, or man-hating, career-obsessed feminists,
  • by yelling at them to run out and marry right away
    (that is not how marriage actually happens);
  • wrongly thinking dating sites are an instant solution to finding a mate, so advising all the Christian singles you know to “just try dating sites like e-Harmony!”,
  • lecturing adult singles over the age of 30 on the so-called wonders of The Nuclear Family and marriage
    (as though the reason they’re not married yet is that they dislike, or don’t value, marriage or The Nuclear Family – eye roll),
  • telling single adults bogus how- to- get- married advice that does not work
    (such as, ‘Just trust in the Lord, pray, wait, have faith, and in due time, He will send you a spouse!,’
    ‘Once you’re content in your singleness is when God will send you a spouse,’ etc)
  • refusing to help marriage-minded single adults who’d like to get married opportunities at church to meet other marriage-minded singles for the express purpose of dating leading to marriage
    (i.e., saying that doing so would make church a “meat market,” that church’s only purpose is to “worship the Lord”),
    or
  • patronizingly instructing older single adults that their only or main purpose so long as single is to act as free labor to the church or to society in general (eg., to act as free babysitters to the married- couples- with- children, to act as free maid service to mop the church’s kitchen floor, etc).

(Link): Lifeway Research: Pastors Encourage Single Adults, Some Provide Targeted Ministries

August 16, 2022
By Marissa Postell

As the number of single adults in the United States continues to grow, so does the need for ministry to single adults in churches.

According to a 2020 profile of single Americans by Pew Research Center, nearly 1 in 4 (23%) U.S. adults ages 30-49 are single—not married, living with a partner or in a committed romantic relationship.

And the 2021 U.S. Census Bureau data on America’s Families and Living Arrangements reveals many of these have never been married.

Continue reading “Lifeway Research: Pastors Encourage Single Adults, Some Provide Targeted Ministries”

Woman Celebrates 106th Birthday With Naked Waiter: ‘He Had No Underwear On’

Woman Celebrates 106th Birthday With Naked Waiter: ‘He Had No Underwear On’

(Link): Great-grandma asks for ‘hunky man’ for 106th birthday and gets naked butler

August 10, 2022

A cheeky great-gran was thrilled when a butler in the buff arrived to pour her a glass of bubbly to mark her 106th birthday.

Norah Shaw, who has three children, seven grandchildren and six great-grandchildren, had joked about wanting a ‘hunky man’ for her big day.

So her daughter decided to make her dreams come true, and got Eddy Betteridge, 32, from the Butlers in the Buff agency to serve her afternoon tea and drinks.

Continue reading “Woman Celebrates 106th Birthday With Naked Waiter: ‘He Had No Underwear On’”

Adult, Single Woman Forgotten and Lie Dead in Her Home for Two Years Before Body Discovered

Adult, Single Woman Forgotten and Lie Dead in Her Home for Two Years Before Body Discovered

I believe this is in London, Great Britain. I’ve read of similar scenarios occurring in the United States.

As I said on Twitter, too many American churches (and even abuse survivor advocates) are too hyper-focused on children to show much interest or care in helping anyone single (or even married) over the age of 30,  40, 50, etc.

I don’t want to fall into the strange, usually liberal habit of insisting that everyone care about a particular topic as much as I do, but I find it troubling and weird that people can clutch their pearls in worry over child neglect or child abuse but not seem to care about elderly (or middle aged) people who die alone and so on.

I guess it’s like people who go looking at an animal shelter to adopt a pet, and they go for the puppies and kittens, rather than the elderly cats and dogs who arguably need care and a home more than the babies do.

As someone who is a former codependent, I myself have to be careful about not adopting a “care taker” role, though.

I spent too many years trying to rescue or look out for other people around me (whether family, co-workers, or neighbors), of whatever age, and I am burnt out.

I don’t see why churches cannot do more in this area, though.

I have several news articles cited on my blog about married people who die all alone.

Yes, even if you are married and even if you have adult children, you can end up dying alone. It happens.

(Link): The police failures that left ‘forgotten’ woman to lie dead in her flat for two-and-a-half years: How officers TWICE visited her home and claimed medical secretary was ‘safe and well’ after refusing to force entry

July 22, 2022
by Martin Robinson

Police twice decided not to break into a flat where a medical secretary lay decomposing for two-and-a-half years and even mistakenly claimed she had been seen ‘safe and well’ despite having already been dead for at least 14 months by then, an inquest heard.

Sheila Seleoane’s housing association had also failed to ‘connect the dots’ when she stopped paying rent, her gas was switched off and neighbours complained of a terrible smell emanating from her home in Peckham.

The hearing at Southwark Coroner’s Court was told her rent payments stopped around the time she died, but Peabody was able to arrange for them to be taken from her Universal Credit benefits.

The housing association also switched off Miss Seleoane’s gas supply without making contact with Britain’s ‘forgotten’ woman.

Continue reading “Adult, Single Woman Forgotten and Lie Dead in Her Home for Two Years Before Body Discovered”

Your Attitude About Aging Could Add 7.5 Years to Your Life

Your Attitude About Aging Could Add 7.5 Years to Your Life

One thing this article seems to be saying is that a problem you have in life is not your problem per se, but how you choose to view your problem – a perspective I’ve begun to appreciate in the last few years.

(Link): Your Attitude About Aging Could Add 7.5 Years to Your Life

April 23, 2022
By Haley Goldberg

When Yale professor Becca Levy began conducting her decades-long research on the psychology of aging, she would routinely ask people to think of five words to describe an older person. In the US, the most common answer was “memory loss.” In China, it was “wisdom.”

As her research would find, the answer to this question had major impact. Your answer could fundamentally change how you age — even adding 7.5 years to your life.

In the new book “Breaking the Age Code: How Your Beliefs About Aging Determine How Long & Well You Live,” Levy draws on decades of research and interviews to show how positive age beliefs are key to enjoying our golden years — and maintaining our health.

“In study after study I conducted, I found that older people with more-positive perceptions of aging performed better physically and cognitively than those with more-negative perceptions,” Levy writes. “They were more likely to recover from severe disability, they remembered better, they walked faster, and they even lived longer.”

Continue reading “Your Attitude About Aging Could Add 7.5 Years to Your Life”

Grandma, 61, and Younger Husband, 24, are Ready to Have a Baby

Grandma, 61, and Younger Husband, 24, are Ready to Have a Baby

This news story seems very familiar. I could’ve sworn I blogged about this couple a few months ago, but I can’t locate the post at the moment (I think this was the post).

I don’t approve of “May December” relationships, in which one spouse or significant other is much older than the other, regardless if it’s an older male with a younger woman or an older female with a younger man.

It’s so gross, and I suspect the older people in such relationships have nefarious motives (ie, it’s usually easier to control a much younger partner), or they are riddled with insecurity, or, they are terribly shallow.

🤮🤮🤮

(Link): Grandma, 61, and younger husband, 24, are ready to have a baby

June 15, 2022

A granny has revealed she is married to a 24-year-old bloke and they are ready to have a baby.

Cheryl, 61, and Quran McCain from Georgia have hit headlines thanks to their 37-year age gap.

The couple have racked up over 2.2million followers on their @kingqurannewpage TikTok page, but insist their love is genuine.

Last July, Quran proposed to Cheryl using a ring that was Crowdfunded by his online fans, and they tied the knot in September.

They had a riverside ceremony in Tennessee, and the event was livestreamed to over 20,000 people.

Now they say they are ready to take the next step and have a baby together – either by adoption or by using a surrogate – and have been pram shopping.

Continue reading “Grandma, 61, and Younger Husband, 24, are Ready to Have a Baby”

Help! I Think I Made a Terrible Mistake When Helping My Elderly Neighbor (The Codependency, People Pleasing Trap)

Help! I Think I Made a Terrible Mistake When Helping My Elderly Neighbor (The Codependency, People Pleasing Trap)

The letter below, and the summaries of other ones I am mentioning here (below the link and excerpt), should be a wake up call to anyone who has a difficult time saying no to people, refusing to turn down their requests, whether out of a sense of guilt or fear.

If you really struggle with turning down people’s requests for favors or for help (even if it’s someone who seems to legitimately be in need of help, such as a solitary, lonely, elderly neighbor with chronic health problems who is in a wheel chair), you may be codependent, a people pleaser, or an empath with very bad boundaries.

(And there are people out there, such as, but not limited to, Covert Narcissists who can spot nice, sweet, giving people like you in a heart beat, and they will waste no time in taking advantage of your kindness to get their needs met.
Even genuinely well- meaning, kind, nice, non-narcissistic people will and can lean on you too much, if they are very needy and you don’t put boundaries up.)

You need to learn that it’s perfectly fine to draw boundaries with people, even elderly neighbors who live alone who have health problems.

It’s okay to be straight forward and tell such neighbors that while you’re fine doing X for them every Z number of weeks, that you don’t want to do it more than that often, and you don’t want to also do Y, Q, and R for them.

The following is a letter someone sent to an advice columnist.

I will be including more comments below this link and excerpt:

Dear Prudence: Help! I Think I Made a Terrible Mistake When Helping My Elderly Neighbor

I had no idea one kindness could turn into this.

Advice by Eric Thomas
June 4, 2022

Dear Prudence,

I moved into a new upstairs apartment five months ago. I made the mistake of helping my wheelchair-bound neighbor, “Stella,” with her groceries during my move.

Stella had her bag break in the parking lot after she got off the bus. I put down my boxes and ran to help with her items and then put them up in her kitchen.

Stella told me about how she was alone in the world and on a fixed income.

I told Stella I would be happy to run to the grocery store for her since I go once a week.

Stella calls me every day now. She has problems with her doctors, her bills, and for anything and everything, she calls me. I have tried to be kind and helpful—but now I need help.

I should have set firm boundaries earlier, but she is a little old lady, and I was lonely in a new city. But I am not her daughter or her granddaughter. I am okay with running to the grocery store or being an emergency contact or coming over for tea and a chat—but not this.

Adult services are useless.

Stella’s life isn’t in danger, and she had enough income to be disqualified from the majority of services.

She isn’t cruel or abusive or mean. She is old, scared, and alone in the world.

But she is suffocating me.

Continue reading “Help! I Think I Made a Terrible Mistake When Helping My Elderly Neighbor (The Codependency, People Pleasing Trap)”

‘I’m 61 and Want a Baby with My Husband, 24 – People Say We Should Adopt’ by S. Bull

‘I’m 61 and Want a Baby with My Husband, 24 – People Say We Should Adopt’ by S. Bull

(Link): ‘I’m 61 and want a baby with my husband, 24 – people say we should adopt’

April 20, 2022

SHE’S a 61-year-old grandmother of 17.

But her age isn’t stopping Cheryl McCain from wanting to start a family with husband Quran, 24.

Cheryl took to TikTok to share a video of herself and her spouse, as she described herself as “61 with 7 kids and 17 grandkids”.

“24 and ready to start a family with me,” she wrote over Quran.

Continue reading “‘I’m 61 and Want a Baby with My Husband, 24 – People Say We Should Adopt’ by S. Bull”

Divorce Attorney Reveals SHOCKING Reasons That DESTROY Relationships And Cause Bad BREAKUPS – via ‘Women of Impact’

Divorce Attorney Reveals SHOCKING Reasons That DESTROY Relationships And Cause Bad BREAKUPS – via ‘Women of Impact’

I’m not even half way done with this video yet (linked to and embedded below in this post), but this lady in the video is giving some great insights and advice. (I’ve just finished listening to the entire video, and it is worth the entire watch.)

The lady in the video mentions she didn’t get married until around (or a bit after?) age 40.

The divorce attorney (who later became a judge, if I understand correctly) said up until that point, she did get a lot of questions from people asking her why she wasn’t married yet.

(I also had to put up with that, or with other nasty assumptions, from others, when I was still single into my 30s. I was raised in a conservative Christian church, and a lot of Christians wrongly assume if you’re a woman who has not married by the age of 30 or 35, it’s because you are a man-hating feminist or that that you were too “career focused.” It’s a very victim-blaming, sexist world view.)

Some of the points this lady, Faith Jenkins, addressed in the video includes but is not limited to (these are also points I’ve learned along the way with life experience, and just mulling things over):

  • You have to know who you are and figure out who you are before you get married.
  • It’s far more healthy to learn to be single before you get married.
  • Don’t wait to get married to start living and enjoying your life – she says, “being single is not a rest stop. [At the time I was single I concluded that] it’s time for me to really live.”
  • Don’t look to someone outside of yourself to make you happy.

(Note from me, the blog owner: this is a big one.
If you go through life making your sense of self worth, happiness, or opinion about yourself contingent upon external circumstances or on how others treat you, you will never, ever achieve stable, consistent, or lasting healthy self esteem or happiness
– and along the way, if you keep making your self worth contingent on how others treat you or their opinions of you, you will tend to attract selfish people, abusers, and very emotionally needy people who will want all your time and attention, leaving you drained
– I’ve learned the hard way that many of the people who will want to use you as a sounding board, a “rock” they lean on, will not return that courtesy to you – they won’t allow you to talk to them about your problems)

  • She says you should know who you are before you marry – I think this is also a good idea prior to dating.

If you know who you are prior to dating or marriage (you know your identity and your likes, your dislikes, and your values), you won’t change to please someone else (a lot of abusive or controlling people will either badger you, pressure you, threaten, or demand that you make changes to yourself or your life to please them), and it makes it easier to weed out incompatible or potentially abusive partners.

  • She discourages you from trying to clean up, fix, rescue another person, what she refers to as “rebuilding” another person.

I agree with her on that – you ultimately cannot change another person, and you will only exhaust yourself trying. I think a lot of women who do this are people pleasers or codependents, and it’s a huge waste of time.

Continue reading “Divorce Attorney Reveals SHOCKING Reasons That DESTROY Relationships And Cause Bad BREAKUPS – via ‘Women of Impact’”

“I’m a Divorce Lawyer. Here Are The 5 Most Common Marriage Problems I See” by R. D. Palmer

“I’m a Divorce Lawyer. Here Are The 5 Most Common Marriage Problems I See”

(Link): “I’m a Divorce Lawyer. Here Are The 5 Most Common Marriage Problems I See”

Excerpts:

by Raiford Dalton Palmer
March 1, 2022

The advice I always give people about divorce is this: don’t get one. The best divorce is the one you never have, if you can avoid it.

… Here are some of the most common problems that I’ve seen in my law practice.

Infidelity
It seems like the most straightforward reason for a divorce: someone cheated.

But in my experience, infidelity is most often a symptom, not the disease. Apart from pathological cheaters who are in it for the thrill of sneaking around, in my experience with clients, most people cheat on their spouses because intimacy is lacking in their relationship. …

Continue reading ““I’m a Divorce Lawyer. Here Are The 5 Most Common Marriage Problems I See” by R. D. Palmer”