Grieving for My Sex Life After My Husband Died by A. Radosh

Grieving for My Sex Life After My Husband Died by A. Radosh

One minor theme I sometimes bring up on this blog is that getting married is not a recipe for ever-lasting happiness: your spouse, should you marry, can develop early on-set dementia, or die from cancer, a car accident, etc. Or, maybe your spouse turns out to be abusive or so self-centered that he doesn’t care to meet your emotional needs.

So, here we have an article by a lady whose husband died, so she’s not having sex.

I’ve mentioned before in a few other posts on this blog that married people should not think they’re off the hook just because they have a spouse and a spouse is providing companionship – because if your spouse dies before you, you will be single again and find yourself lonely.

In this case, if you know and believe sex outside of marriage is morally wrong you’re not going to start having sex with other people after your spouse dies. This should be another reason why Christians teach that sexual purity, chastity, and celibacy are for all people, not just teens or single adults.

(Link): Grieving for My Sex Life After My Husband Died by A. Radosh

Excerpts:

…Bart and I never bought into that stereotype. We were septuagenarians now, and the sex was still fun. It bound us together.

When Bart was diagnosed with multiple myeloma in his mid-70s, we were both stunned. He had always been strong, athletic, energetic, and healthy; but now the cells in the marrow of his bones were being destroyed by cancer. Within a few months, our hikes up the Catskill high peaks were replaced with quiet walks along the stream near our house.

Continue reading “Grieving for My Sex Life After My Husband Died by A. Radosh”

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Sick, Dying, and Raped in America’s Nursing Homes

Sick, Dying, and Raped in America’s Nursing Homes

American churches continue to fixate upon youth. They are always chasing after kids or college-aged people.

Meanwhile, the elderly face their own set of problems and issues, but do churches care? No.

The elderly can be just as vulnerable as children, in that some of them are frail or they have dementia.

Senior citizens needed to be cared for and advocated for just as much as any infant or child, but I rarely see Christians show as much interest in helping them as I do them looking after abused, poor, or neglected babies and children.

(Link): Sick, Dying, and Raped in America’s Nursing Homes

by Blake Ellis

Some of the victims can’t speak. They rely on walkers and wheelchairs to leave their beds. They have been robbed of their memories. They come to nursing homes to be cared for.

Instead, they are sexually assaulted.

The unthinkable is happening at facilities throughout the country: Vulnerable seniors are being raped and sexually abused by the very people paid to care for them.

It’s impossible to know just how many victims are out there. But through an exclusive analysis of state and federal data and interviews with experts, regulators and the families of victims, CNN has found that this little-discussed issue is more widespread than anyone would imagine.

Continue reading “Sick, Dying, and Raped in America’s Nursing Homes”

Norman Lear, Age 95, Shooting New Pilot About Life, Sex in Nursing Home

Norman Lear, Age 95, Shooting New Pilot About Life, Sex in Nursing Home

(Link): Norman Lear, Age 95, Shooting New Pilot About Life, Sex in Nursing Home

…Now, with TV veteran Peter Tolan, he’s got “Guess Who’s Dead?” a droll comedy set in a Palm Springs nursing home with frisky post “Golden Girl” types. There are also young people as regulars, so the whole thing isn’t liver spots. The show comes from NBC and Sony.

Last year at the Austin Film Festival, Lear and Tolan tested out a reading of a pilot script.

Robert Walden (from “Lou Grant”) and Oscar nominee June Squibb (“Nebraska”) played Murray and Patricia, a Jew and an Irish Catholic who fall in love when Murray’s wife who’s also her sister, dies.

Even If You’re Married You Can Die Alone – Elderly Married Couple Found Dead

Even If You’re Married You Can Die Alone – Elderly Married Couple Found Dead

Sad story linked to below.

One scare tactic people (usually my fellow conservatives) will pull on singles to get them to hurry up and marry is to tell them that if they remain single, they will die alone, or that being married some how makes dying easier.

By the way, side note, here – if the church did its job and acted as spiritual family to everyone, instead of focusing on their blood relations, then elderly single people who are unrelated to them would do just fine.

A  Christian man or woman should not have to marry to have “family” look after them – if churches stopped worshipping The Nuclear Family and actually got off their marriage-worshipping asses, they could look after elderly people who live alone!

Anyway, about this view that you should marry or have to so that you won’t die alone: this is a pretty dumb argument, because married people die alone all the time.

My mother died in the wee hours of the morning in a hospital. She was supposed to be there for only about a week before returning home.

My father and I were not with her when she passed – we got a phone call from the nursing staff that she had passed away. My mother was married to my father. Her being married did not prevent her from dying, nor was my father with her when she died.

In this story below, an elderly married couple died.  They were ‘kind of’ together when they died, but it did not help them.

The husband in the story had dementia, and the wife could not walk, or not walk well.

The husband accidentally drove off the road, got the car stuck in the mud, left his wife in the car to go get help, walked down the street – he died (not sure if he had a heart attack of what).

His wife died in the car, some X feet away from her husband who was dead on the road side.

She was in the car alone in temperatures over 80 degrees. (Remember, she could not walk, or found it difficult, and her son or the cops or whomever, found her wheelchair back at her house, it was not in the car with her.)

Okay: so you can be married and still end up dying. You can end up dying alone.

I’m not sure if your husband dying a few feet of where you are (as in this story) would be any more comforting than your husband not being there at all.

So to all the singleness-shamers out there, stop telling us singles that we’ll die all alone, because you know what, married people? You may die all alone, too.

Not everyone dies in a warm, cozy bed surrounded with the smiling faces of loved ones before they kick off.

(Link):  He was his wife’s caretaker for decades but got dementia. Their deaths were ‘horrific’

BY SAMANTHA SCHMIDT

Aug 2017

…Getting around became even more difficult for the Tarnowskis – Mary, 78, and Ron, 81. The couple hardly ever left the home which their son, Karl Tarnowski, built adjacent to his own so he could keep an eye on them.

…On Saturday afternoon, eight days after the couple went missing, the family received their answer, and a tragic end to their strenuous search.

A U.S. Border Patrol helicopter found the couple’s Chevy Tahoe on an overgrown, abandoned driveway in a swampy area off the road just two miles away from the family’s hunting property.

They were near Brookston, a town about 30 miles from their Duluth home.

Continue reading “Even If You’re Married You Can Die Alone – Elderly Married Couple Found Dead”

75 Year Old Politician (Democrat) Fondles Breasts of 103 Mother- in- Law Who Has Dementia

75 Year Old Politician (Democrat) Fondles Breasts of 103 M-I-L Who Has Dementia

(MIL = Mother In Law.)

This is so disgusting. I’m also at a fail to see how my fellow conservatives keep promoting these views that marriage makes makes men more godly and mature, or how being in a nuclear family makes society better in some fashion, when I see news stories of married men who are doing things like fondling elderly women who have dementia.

All the dirt bag in this story is concerned about is that this act has him in trouble and may ruin his career. He doesn’t care that he objectified a woman, and his own MIL, plus, she has dementia. This guy is a sicko.

The article mentions that this guy is a Democrat.

(Link) 75 Year Old Politician Fondles Breasts of 103 MIL Who Has Dementia

A former Pennsylvania politician has been convicted of indecent assault after admitting that he fondled the breasts of his 103-year-old mother-in-law suffering from dementia — the “biggest mistake” of his life, he said.

William Spingler, former commissioner of Radnor Township, said during a hearing Thursday that the “stupid, harmless act” has destroyed his life, (Link):  the Delaware County Daily Times reports.

Continue reading “75 Year Old Politician (Democrat) Fondles Breasts of 103 Mother- in- Law Who Has Dementia”

With Menopause Reversal, Women Could Be Forever Fertile

With Menopause Reversal, Women Could Be Forever Fertile

(Link): With Menopause Reversal, Women Could Be Forever Fertile

The hot flashes, night sweats, and vaginal dryness characteristic of menopause may no longer also signal the end of a woman’s fertility thanks to a blood treatment used to heal wounds.

Presenting their findings at the European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology annual meeting in Helsinki, Finland, this month, researchers in Greece said they were able to reverse menopause in roughly 30 women, including one who entered menopause at 40 but five years later menstruated again, reports (Link): New Scientist.

Continue reading “With Menopause Reversal, Women Could Be Forever Fertile”

World’s Oldest Woman Said Secret to Long Life is Staying Single

World’s Oldest Woman Said Secret to Long Life is Staying Single

(Link): World’s Oldest Woman Said Secret to Long Life is Staying Single

Excerpts:

  • by Y. Shah
  • The world has a new oldest person. Meet Emma Morano of Verbania, Italy. At 116-years-old, Morano is believed to be the last documented person alive who was born in the 1800s.

Continue reading “World’s Oldest Woman Said Secret to Long Life is Staying Single”

Mothers Over 40 in Record Baby Boom: Number of Women Who Give Birth in Their Fifth Decade or Later Trebles

Mothers Over 40 in Record Baby Boom: Number of Women Who Give Birth in Their Fifth Decade or Later Trebles

This article is from 2010. I could have sworn I already did a blog post on this, but I looked around my blog a little bit and don’t see it.

(Link): Mothers over 40 in record baby boom: Number of women who give birth in their fifth decade or later trebles

  • By Steve Doughty for the Daily Mail
  • A baby boom among older women has trebled the number giving birth after their 40th birthday.
  • Almost 27,000 babies were born to mothers over 40 last year, figures revealed yesterday.
  • The unprecedented level is nearly three times the total of 20 years ago and up by 50 per cent over the past decade.
  • Even during the post-war childbirth peak in the Sixties there were fewer children born to women in their fifth decade and beyond.
  • Britain now has one of the highest birth rates for older women in the world, with 3.8 per cent of all babies born to mothers over 40. Only Italy has a higher level in Europe.

Continue reading “Mothers Over 40 in Record Baby Boom: Number of Women Who Give Birth in Their Fifth Decade or Later Trebles”

Woman in Her 70s May Be Oldest Ever to Give Birth

Woman in Her 70s May Be Oldest Ever to Give Birth

(Link): Woman in Her 70s May Be Oldest Ever to Give Birth

Excerpts:

  • By ARSHAD R. ZARGAR & ASHLEY WELCH CBS NEWS
  • May 12, 2016, 3:23 PM
  • A woman in India could make the record books as one of the oldest ever to give birth.
  • Daljinder Kaur, who’s believed to be at least 70 years old, gave birth to a son named Arman (meaning “wish” in Hindi) on April 19. The baby was the first for Kaur and her 79-year-old husband, Mohinder Singh Gill, after nearly five decades of marriage.
  • “I feel blessed to be able to hold my own baby. I had lost hope of becoming a mother ever,” said Kaur, who underwent two years of (Link): IVF treatment and had two failed attempts earlier.

Continue reading “Woman in Her 70s May Be Oldest Ever to Give Birth”

Why older couples are skipping marriage

Why older couples are skipping marriage

(Link): Why older couples are skipping marriage

    By Sharon Epperson
    13 hours ago

    Many baby boomers already know a thing or two about marriage and are choosing not to tie the knot on their relationships-often because of money.

    U.S. Census Bureau data shows adults older than 50 are among the fastest growing segment of unmarried couples in the U.S.

    Financial advisors say concerns about debt, benefits, taxes and cash flow are often the primary reasons they decide not to walk down the aisle.

    Read More Retiring abroad? Check out these IRA strategies

    “The biggest considerations couples have in deciding whether or not to remarry usually center around their children and assets,” says Molly McCormack, a director of individual advisory services at TIAA-CREF.

    If you’re divorced and chose to remarry, you could lose alimony, pension and Social Security benefits from your former spouse. If you’re widowed, you could also lose survivor’s pension benefits, McCormack says.

    Some couples may also want to make sure inheritances go to their own children and don’t get muddled.

    Read More Nest egg advice: Location, location, location

    A partner may also be helping out adult children financially-by paying off student loans or cosigning on a mortgage-and the new partner doesn’t want to take on that financial burden. In addition to mortgage, student loan and credit card debt, long-term care and medical debt are frequent concerns.

    Under the law in “community property” states-Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Washington, and Wisconsin-most debts incurred by one spouse during the marriage are owed by both spouses.

    Many higher income couples also don’t want to face a bigger tax hit. Getting married could throw them into the highest tax bracket which would result in a much higher tax burden.

———————
Related:

(Link): Remarriage rates plunge as divorced Americans have doubts – and about Christian culture and divorce and remarriage vs singleness

Grandmother Is Having Affair With A Married Man and Neglects Her Grandchildren

Grandmother Is Having Affair With A Married Man and Neglects Her Grandchildren

I am not sure if the grandma mentioned in this letter is currently married or her husband is dead.

The letter writer says granny (her mother) is having an affair with a married man and does not spend time with her grandchildren.

See there? Married people have affairs, and contrary to Christian propaganda, being a parent does not make people more godly or mature.

Here is the letter.

DEAR AMY:

    I’m a mother of three children. My mom lives seven minutes away and barely sees my children.

    What really makes me upset is that she has been having an affair with a married man for the past 10 years and makes time to go on “dates” almost every day.

    Then to make matters worse, I can’t take my children to her house because my daughter is allergic to her dog. Is it wrong of me to expect her to give the dog away if her grandchild is allergic to it?

    My children can’t even stay the night at their grandparent’s house. I feel my mom is extremely selfish and doesn’t wish to have a relationship with my kids.

    What upsets me more than anything is that I never ask my mom to watch my children, but when my husband and I decided to go on our honeymoon, she volunteered to watch my kids but then charged me to do so!

    Am I the one who’s being selfish or am I justified in my feelings that she’s the selfish one?
    — Upset Mom

    DEAR UPSET:
    Your mother is selfish, self-centered and self-oriented.

    Given that, why would you want your children to spend the night at her house?

————————-
Related posts:

(Link): The Term “Family Values” And Its Use By Christians – Vis A Vis story: Grandma Gives Teen Granddaughter a Vibrator

(Link): Parenthood Does Not Make People More Loving Mature Godly Ethical Caring or Responsible (One Stop Thread)

(Link): The ol’ Christian myth that married couples are impervious to sexual sin but singles have lots of sexual sin

(Link): Site for Parents Who Have Been Dumped By Their Adult Kids

(Link): Pastor Busted in Prostitution Sting – If Married Sex So Great Why Do So Many Married Christian Men Have Affairs

(Link): Married Christian Woman Sexually Preys on Kids At Phillips’ Family-Worshipping Church – Married People Not More Godly Than Singles – Married Sex Must Not Be As Hot As Christians Teach

(Link): Jason the Christian’s Sexless Marriage – Christians promise hot regular steamy married sex but it isn’t true

Thirty Year Old Man Likes To Date and Have Sex with 80, 90 Year Old Women

Thirty Year Old Man Likes To Date and Have Sex with 80, 90 Year Old Women

I have never approved of May-December relationships, regardless of the gender situation.

I am grossed out by relationships that have more than a five year age gap (ten at the most). I wrote about that before in (Link): this post.

(Link): Thirty Year Old Man Likes To Date and Have Sex with 80, 90 Year Old Women

    -‘Some guys prefer blondes, some brunettes – I like old ladies’: ‘Extreme toyboy’, 31, takes 91-year-old girlfriend home to meet his mother
    -Kyle had first sexual experience with a 50-year-old aged 18
    -Claims he has always been attracted to older women
    -Currently dating five women aged over 60, including Marjorie, 91
    -Says they have an active and satisfying sex life
    -Often takes girlfriends home to meet him mother, 51

    As a society, we’ve become used to May to September relationships – just look at Madonna and her latest backing dancer; Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones and their 25-year age gap. No one bats an eyelid any more.

    But one ‘exteme toy boy’ does raise a few eyebrows when he steps out with his lover – because baby-faced Kyle Jones, 31, is in a relationship with a 91-year-old great-grandmother.

    Kyle, from Augusta, Georgia, dates numerous pensioners at the same time and even takes them home to meet his 50-year-old mother. For the last five years he has been in a ‘casual’ relationship with 91-year-old Marjorie McCool.

    And despite the 60-year age gap, the pair have an active sex life and can’t keep their hands off each other.

    Kyle said: ‘Everyone’s brain is wired differently, some guys prefer blondes, some brunettes, some like other guys – I like old ladies.’

    The call centre worker was just 18 when he first acted on his attraction for older women and began a sexual relationship with a 50-year-old.

    Now Kyle uses dating websites to find women as well as chatting them up in his daily life.

    He said: ‘Most of the time, the average age I go for is between 60 and 80.

    ‘Whenever I’m trying to speak to an older woman, the first reaction I get is ‘you’re way too young’.

    ‘I find persistence is good so I tell them it’ll be fun.’

    Although officially single, Kyle regularly sees up to five women at a time and takes them on dates – and even home to meet his mother.

    In 2009 he met great-grandmother Marge – short for Marjorie – in the bookstore where she was working and asked for her number.

    Marge, who had been single for 37 years since splitting with the father of her six children, agreed to go on a date.

    She said: ‘In the beginning I got jealous of his other women but he keeps coming back to me and tells me I’m the best.

    ‘The physical side of our relationship is wonderful. I amaze myself, he amazes me. There’s nothing better.

    …. And while many of the women he dates can’t believe such a young man would find them attractive, Kyle is adamant he does.

    He said: ‘Often, the things women are so self-conscious about is what I’m into. I like the neck lines and wrinkles.

    ‘Women worry about their boobs sagging but I think the natural hang looks great. I’m really not a fan of plastic surgery.

    …Kyle’s preference for the elderly has drawn criticism from those who see him as opportunistic.

    He said: ‘The most common criticism I hear is ‘you’re after money’ or ‘you’re after inheritance’.

    ‘Or people think these women must be buying me things.

    ‘But it’s not true at all – I do this because I like it and they like it too. I’ve dated women from various ends of the financial spectrum, but it’s never about what they have.’

———————-
Related posts:

(Link): Creepy, wrong, immature and pathetic: older men chasing after much younger women

Site for Parents Who Have Been Dumped By Their Adult Kids

Site for Parents Who Have Been Dumped By Their Kids

Christians like to paint fairy tale pictures of family. If you have never married or never had children, many Christians will ostracize you or treat you like a slacker, weirdo, or failure.

They will also lay on guilt trips and scare tactics, such as say, “But if you never have kids, who will take care of you when you are old?” (see also (Link): this post for an example).

Here is a site where parents can leave posts expressing disappointment in their teen or adult children. They leave testimonies of how their children are ingrates who now ignore them and never visit, call, or help their parents.

(Link): Group For Parents of Estranged Children

Here are some excerpts from that page by parents:

by Beaner59:

    Abandoned

    It’s late, I’m alone and despondent, I weep for my son. I miss him dearly and don’t understand why he abandoned me, his dad, his brother, whole family, home. What can he be thinking?

    We had a good life, we supported his music efforts, scouting, friends. We took vacations, we laughed, watched movies.

    Sure, he screwed up — doesn’t everyone? We forgave him, he knows that — your supposed to forgive and forget, beside it wasn’t criminal–just stupid adolesent shenanigans.

    Then he went into the military service, met a girl, married. We supported all of that. Love and family, we’re Irish it’s what you do.

    The phone calls trickled to nothing. No e-mail. No correspondence.

    Continue reading “Site for Parents Who Have Been Dumped By Their Adult Kids”

The Isolating Power of Family-Centered Language (How churches exclude singles and the childless) by E A Dause

The Isolating Power of Family-Centered Language

(Link): The Isolating Power of Family-Centered Language by E A Dause

Excerpts:

    I am 27, single, and my father has passed away. It seems everywhere I turn in the Christian world — churches, organizations, politicians — I am excluded, because I am not part of a family.

    A pastor comments excitedly on the number of new families joining his church. If I joined, would my membership be valuable? Respected Christian leaders urge us to support “family values.” Are values really tied to family units, or can I have values, too? A politician catering to evangelicals declares strong families to be the foundation of our nation.

    If he even knows I exist, a person without a family, does he even care about my vote?

    Christian magazines and organizations identify themselves by their emphasis on family. Where do I stand with them?

    A church bulletin asks me to bring enough food for my family to the church gathering. Am I even invited in the first place?

    Continue reading “The Isolating Power of Family-Centered Language (How churches exclude singles and the childless) by E A Dause”

Women Hating Sites / Men’s Rights Sites Such as Moronic “Save The Males”

Women Hating Sites / Men’s Rights Sites Such as Moronic “Save The Males”

In a previous post, a reader asked me to check out and comment on the site “Save the Males.”

Here is in part how she described that site and some of the views on the site:

    [Writers on the Save the Males site are] …. always talking down to women about how their position is at home with a husband and baby and specially the last article telling women to snatch a husband while in college.

    This women is pushing the one sided idea that if a women wants to get married all she needs to do is snap her fingers and the guy will instantly agree to tie the knot, when the truth is far from this.

    I will say it again most college guys will laugh at your face say if are thinking about marriage. They are focused on their career and or partying and see women as casual hooks or someone to avoid.

Here was my response to the reader that I was going to leave as a reply but decided to put into a post of its own:

Nothing has changed. I was a college student in the 1990s, and it was the same in the 1990s as it is now with the 20 something males.

By the way, you are not going to be in your 20s forever. You will turn 30, then eventually 40, and you will grow to deeply resent how the culture and churches fawn all over 20 somethings and cater to their every concern while ignoring yours.

If you are a single woman past age 35, you rarely will get any articles, editorials, or advice about being single.

Most preachers (and many secular authors) tailor all their singleness sermons, blogs, and books, and articles to a 20 something audience. People are very ageist in this regard.

If you think being single is bad now, just wait until you reach age 35, 40, and older and are still single – it gets 100 times worse, in several regards. (In some ways, it gets a little better, but that is another topic for another time.)

Also, it’s not just men in their 20s who are like what you were describing in your comments.

A lot of older men, men ages 30, 40, and up, are also reluctant to marry.

Continue reading “Women Hating Sites / Men’s Rights Sites Such as Moronic “Save The Males””

Nursing Home Hires Male Strippers for 85 Year Old Women

Nursing Home Hires Male Strippers for 85 Year Old Women

(Link): Lawsuit: New York nursing home resident subjected to unwanted performance by male stripper

    Fensterman also chided Ray [John Ray, the attorney for Bernice Youngblood and her family] for claiming that Youngblood was suffering from dementia, while at the same time noting the woman signed a power of attorney document claiming she was competent to sign it.

    “Ms. Youngblood suffers from partial dementia,” Ray said. “She has moments of partial lucidity.”

(Link): Nursing Home Stripper Scandal: “Entertainment Night” Results in Lawsuit

(Link): Lawsuit: Male stripper did show at NY nursing home

    WEST BABYLON, N.Y. (AP) — An 85-year-old nursing home patient was the victim of “disgraceful sexual perversion” when a male stripper gyrated in front of her against her will at the suburban New York facility, an attorney for the woman’s family said Tuesday.

    John Ray, the attorney for Bernice Youngblood and her family, displayed a picture of a man in white briefs dancing in front of the woman at East Neck Nursing and Rehabilitation Center in September 2012.

(Link): Man Sues Over Mom’s Nursing Home Stripper

    An 85-year-old woman with dementia had a male stripper gyrate in front of her against her will at her suburban New York nursing home, according to a lawsuit filed by her family but the facility’s lawyer said Tuesday the performance had been requested by its residents.

    John Ray, the attorney for Bernice Youngblood and her family, said the woman’s son found a photograph of a man in white briefs dancing in front of his mother when he visited her in January 2013 at East Neck Nursing and Rehabilitation Center.

    The photo, which Ray distributed to reporters, shows Youngblood putting money into the dancer’s waistband. Ray said Youngblood had been urged to participate and did so against her will.

    Continue reading “Nursing Home Hires Male Strippers for 85 Year Old Women”

Aged Out of Church by M. Van Loon (For Christians over the Age of 35 – 40 – Churches ignoring middle aged adults)

Aged Out of Church by M Van Loon (For Christians over the Age of 35 – 40)

If you are, as of 2014 especially, over 35 years old, especially over age 40, you should relate to this (if you are currently 20 years old, come back and read this blog post in another 15 – 20 years, and you will relate):

(Link): Aged Out of Church (on Virtue Online)

(Link): Aged Out of Church

    • Even in our congregations, midlife has become a joke.
    by Michelle Van Loon

I have linked to some of her material before, or similar material by other people, such as

    (Link):

Why Even Middle Aged Married with Children Christians Are Leaving Church – Not Just Unmarried Singles | 40 Somethings Gen X Quitting Leaving Church

(Link): Why Even Middle Aged Married with Children Christians Are Leaving Church – Not Just Unmarried Singles | 40 Somethings Gen X Quitting Leaving Church

(Link): Never Married Christians Over Age 35 who are childless Are More Ignored Than Divorced or Infertile People or Single Parents

Excerpts

(Link): Aged Out of Church (on Virtue Online)

(Link): Aged Out of Church

    • Even in our congregations, midlife has become a joke.
    by Michelle Van Loon

Ask anyone who’s hit midlife, and they’ll tell you: this stage is no joke for us.

The emotional, spiritual, physical, and relational shifts that occur at midlife can lead to disconnection from old social networks and a profound sense of loneliness, which brings with it serious health risks. At this point, many also feel drained by the increasingly common occurrence of death, disease, divorce, and the changes that redefine old friendships.

And yet, rather than engage these important but uncomfortable issues that come with aging, our culture—including, at times, the church—would rather laugh it off. We see midlife as a caricature…

….Church should be a place of meaningful connection with God and others at every stage of our lives, but nearly half of more than 450 people who participated in an informal and completely unscientific survey I hosted on my blog last year told me that their local church had in some painful ways exacerbated the challenges they faced at midlife. As a result, they’d downshifted their involvement in the local church from what it had been a decade ago.

Continue reading “Aged Out of Church by M. Van Loon (For Christians over the Age of 35 – 40 – Churches ignoring middle aged adults)”

On ‘Late’-In-Life Virginity Loss (from The Atlantic)

On ‘Late’-In-Life Virginity Loss (from The Atlantic)

(Link): On ‘Late’-In-Life Virginity Loss (from The Atlantic)

Excerpts:

    Those who don’t have sex during their teen years are in the minority, but the reasons for—and effects of—waiting differ for everyone.
    ———-
    The average American loses his or her virginity at age 17. Virgins make up 12.3 percent of females and 14.3 percent of males aged 20 to 24.
    ———-
    …Like McDorman, many individuals who lose their virginities “late” do so for many reasons—not just the stereotypical “can’t get laid” or “super-religious” assumptions. Whether it’s by choice, circumstance, or both, late virginity loss can bring anything from pride to sexual dysfunction for the few Americans who experience it.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the average age Americans lose their virginities (defined here as vaginal sexual intercourse) is 17.1 for both men and women.

The CDC also reports that virgins make up 12.3 percent of females and 14.3 percent of males aged 20 to 24.

That number drops below 5 percent for both male and female virgins aged 25 to 29 and goes as low as 0.3 percent for virgins aged 40 to 44.

Of course, those statistics only represent heterosexual penile-vaginal sex.

The question of “what is virginity?” obviously has a different answer in the LGBT community. And straight people, too, sometimes feel that oral or anal sex counts as virginity loss.

Still, the most common definition of virginity loss is penile-vaginal intercourse, as Planned Parenthood points out on its website.

Statistically, if you didn’t have sex in your teen years, you’re in the minority. But most people I asked in my unscientific poll felt virginity loss wasn’t “late” if the person was still college-aged.

Continue reading “On ‘Late’-In-Life Virginity Loss (from The Atlantic)”

Elderly Widower Dude is a Slut Says Adult Daughter – Why Churches Need to Teach Celibacy Applies to Even Married People Not Just Under Age 25 Singles

Elderly Widower Dude is a Slut Says Adult Daughter – Why Churches Need to Teach Celibacy Applies to Even Married People Not Just Under Age 25 Singles

So this adult daughter writes to an advice columnist explaining that her elderly father lost his wife (her mother) a few years ago, and ever since, he has been a big slut. (Farther below, I have pasted in her letter to Dear Amy so you can read it for yourself.)

I’d like to point out that “slut shaming” happens to men too, but I usually only hear secular feminists complain that it happens to women.

The woman’s senior-aged father is sleeping around with numerous women, he has several girlfriends at a time, but keeps each girlfriend (GF) in the dark about all the other GFs.

The daughter is afraid someone, her dad, or one of the dad’s GFs, is going to get an S.T.I. (aka S.T.D.).

This is yet another reason Christians need to get over the mentality that teachings about sexual purity and celibacy are for young singles only.

Not only do you have never-married (or not- married- yet) adult singles over the age of 30 who are trying to remain sexually pure, there are plenty of whom are still virgins, but you get these married couples whose spouse dies at some point in their lives, and they go out and start having sex with a lot of people after the death.

Celibacy is not just for young singles, it’s for ~everyone~. !HELLO, Christian culture, HELLO preachers of America!

You have married couples where one partner loses his (or her) sex drive due to stress, physical health (illness), or one or both partners find the sex boring after several weeks or months. As a result, some marriage counselors are telling such partners to go have an extra-marital fling (an affair).

I wrote about that situation here:

      (Link):

Why Christians Need to Uphold Lifelong Celibacy as an Option for All Instead of Merely Pressuring All to Marry – vis a vis Sexless Marriages, Counselors Who Tell Marrieds that Having Affairs Can Help their Marriages

It’s not enough for churches to keep acting as though messages of sexual purity are for teens and college students only.

Another reason they need to step up: a lot of 20- somethings and 30- somethings today, ones who drift away from church or the faith now, reject a lot of the church’s teachings on sexuality – that is, the churches and preachers who even bother to teach that pre-marital sex is a sin at all, because many do not.

(See: (Link): Christian Preacher Admits He Won’t Preach About Sexuality / Sexual Sin For Fear It May Offend Sexual Sinners)

The problem is, a lot of these ex-Christians or uber- liberal Christian types feel that their conservative churches wrongly taught about sex. These types feel that the Bible does not speak out against sex outside of marriage, even though yes, it in fact does. So, they disregard about any and all limitations on sex at all.

Churches need to do a better job, and try a different approach of, speaking about sexual sin, because a lot of the 20-somethings are later rejecting or disregarding what they are hearing about sex in church when they later leave church.

The fact remains that even married adults need to hear sermons about sexual purity, because some of them are failing miserably at it.

If your husband takes a two week business trip, and you find yourself alone, are you going to sleep with your UPS delivery man, or next door neighbor, while the husband is gone?

If you are a married man whose wife is in the military, and she gets shipped overseas for a six month tour of duty, are you going to remain faithful to her, or whore it up with other women while she is away?

What if you’re 50 years old and your 50 year old spouse is physically disabled or gets early-onset dementia, are you going to be true to him or her, or start sleeping around?

Churches need to address those types of situations and stop assuming that sexual temptation and sin is something that besets ONLY 17 year old kids.

Here’s the letter:

Ask Amy: Randy widower worries his daughter

Dear Amy:

I’m really concerned my widower father is turning into something of a slut.

My mother passed away seven years ago, and then my father had the very unfortunate luck of having a girlfriend who succumbed to cancer a few years later.

I understand that he’s lonely, and needs affection that only a female companion would give, but he’s currently courting three women, none of whom know about each other.

I know it is none of my business, but I am actually frightened that these women he met online who so easily jump into bed with him will leave him with an STD.

I’ve heard that the spread of STDs is actually more prevalent among the older generation these days. What would you suggest I do to convince him that these trysts may be more than he bargained for, without overstepping boundaries?

He’s quite headstrong and rarely listens to me; what should I do?

Signed,
— Concerned daughter

You see, preachers need to be preaching about sex in such a way that even married people understand that sex outside of marriage is SIN.

Because evidently, there are a lot of married men who feel okay and fine cheating on their wives while the wife is alive, or like the man in the letter above, they feel just fine engaging in fornication, and with multiple partners, once the wife dies.

Here was Amy’s reply:

Dear Concerned:

I shared your question with a spokesperson for the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, who responded:
“While CDC continues to find that STDs disproportionately affect younger people in the U.S., it is important to understand that many older Americans face unique prevention challenges (e.g., discomfort in discussing sexual behaviors with physicians and partners and discomfort discussing condom use). It is also important for physicians to assess older patients’ risk.”

Older men may not have gotten the memo about wearing a condom. In their randy youth, condoms were used for birth control; now they are vital disease control devices. Your father could become infected and/or infect his partners.

Onto his sluttiness. There is not much you can (or should) do about his choice to sleep around.

The women he is seeing may also be mutually consenting (slutty) elders, and while this prospect isn’t quite what you want for your dear dad — it is what it is and you may have to accept it and only remind him to speak to his doctor about his risks.

Sexual promiscuity can be a sign of depression, however. If you feel he is out of control, you must do your best to urge him toward a mental health evaluation.

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Related posts:

(Link): No Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity – Christians Attack and Criticize Virginity Sexual Purity Celibacy / Virginity Sexual Purity Not An Idol

(Link):  Sex and Alzheimer’s – Selfish, Perverted Husband Rapes His Alzheimer’s Wife

(Link): Married People Who Find Themselves Single Again – Spouses With Dementia / Married People Who Are Lonely

(Link): Widower to Advice Columnist Talks about Being Stereotyped by Married Couples or Ignored by Other Marrieds Since His Wife has Died

(Link): AARP post: How to Handle a Sexless Married Life – But Christians Promise You Great Hot Regular Married Sex

(Link): Horny Celibacy – Another Anti Virginity, Anti Sexual Purity Essay – Also discussed: Being Equally Yoked, Divorce, Remarriage

(Link): Grieving widow doesn’t need to start dating in order to heal (letter from advice column)

(Link): Widows and Childless and Childfree Have Better Well Being Than Married Couples and Parents says new study

(Link): “Family-ing” Single Adults by D. Franck – How Churches Can Minister to Single Adults
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To Tweet:

Elderly Widower is Slut Says Daughter – Y Churches Need Teach Celibacy 2 Married Pple Not Just Teens https://christianpundit.wordpress.com/2014/03/18/elderly-widow-dude-is-a-slut-says-adult-daughter-why-churches-need-to-teach-celibacy-applies-to-even-married-people-not-just-under-age-25-singles/ #Celibacy

Unmarried America: How Single Adults Are Changing the Face of the U.S. and What It Means for the Church by R. Hurst

Unmarried America: How Single Adults Are Changing the Face of the U.S. and What It Means for the Church by R. Hurst

(Link): Unmarried America: How Single Adults Are Changing the Face of the U.S. and What It Means for the Church by R. Hurst

    By Rich Hurst

    How is the church doing when it comes to reaching the 14th largest nation in the world? How many missionaries are focused on that group? How many people are aware that this population is exploding, while its representation in churches is falling dramatically?

    These questions take on real significance when we realize we are speaking about single adults in America.

    According to census data, there were 101 million unmarried adults in the U.S. in 2007.

    If single adults were a country, they would be the 14th largest nation. (Germany, the largest country in Europe, is number 17.)

    GROWING POPULATION
    Who are single adults? For one thing, they are heads of households. A Census Bureau report released September 23, 2008, shows that in 2007, for the third consecutive year the majority of the nation’s households were headed by unmarried Americans.

    Unmarried adults now head up a majority of households in 22 states, and more than 300 cities — a figure that has increased each year for several years.

    According to the Census Bureau American Community Survey, over half of the country’s total households are headed by single adults.

    That survey also revealed that blacks and Hispanics are more likely than whites or Asians to be single. More than six in 10 blacks are unmarried, and almost one in 10 black adults lives alone with children. Gays and lesbians are also a significant segment of the single population (approximately 9 percent), though not necessarily by choice since only two states allow same-sex marriage.

    The Census Bureau surveyed about 3 million households from every county in the nation. They include 12.2 million widows and 3 million widowers, as well as 25 million men and women who are divorced. In addition, there are 32.8 million men and 27.1 million women who have never married.

    More racially diverse than the overall population, singles are also younger — 57 percent are less than 45 years old, and four in 10 are younger than 35, according to “Singles in the U.S.: the New Nuclear Family,” a report from market research publisher Packaged Facts, a division of MarketResearch.com.

    Unmarried adults — those never married, divorced, widowed, or separated — share generational similarities: younger singles are comfortable with technology, for example, while older singles focus on luxury.

    …The configuration of these unmarried households is diverse. More than 30 million Americans live alone, far outnumbering the 24.2 million households that contain married couples with children less than 18 years of age.

    The 10.8 million single-parent homes include 2.5 million single dads with custody of their children and 8.3 million single mothers.

    About 12 million adults are living with an unmarried partner, while some 47 million unmarried Americans are living with relatives.

    SHRINKING POPULATION

    While this enormous growth has occurred among this segment of the U.S. population, another dramatic shift has been taking place at the same time. Attendance in most U.S. churches has declined or plateaued across all segments of the population, and especially among singles.

    Let us look at two denominations.

    According to the 2006 Annual Church Profile (ACP), there are 44,223 churches in the Southern Baptist Convention.

    The Southern Baptist Convention measures church growth by the number of baptisms. In 2006, 10,449 churches baptized no one; 3,312 churches baptized only one person; and 13,760 churches baptized 1 to 5 people.

    A total of 27,521 churches in the SBC baptized five or less people for an entire year, which is 62 percent of all SBC churches.

    Furthermore, at least three of four churches are plateaued or declining.

    Or consider the Presbyterian Church USA. In 2 years, the denomination shrank by approximately 94,000 people. In 2006, this church saw a net loss of 56 congregations and a membership decrease of nearly 46,000 people. …

    ADDRESSING BOTH PROBLEMS AT ONCE

    We have a great opportunity in American church history to address two issues at the same time. We can reach out in love to single adults and avail ourselves of their gifts and energy to strengthen the church.

    Viewing single adults as a specific target of church ministry is not a new idea; single adult ministry was a focus in many churches during the 1970s and 1980s.

    Yet, years later, there are increasing numbers of singles and decreasing numbers of churchgoers. The question today is: How can we use the lessons learned — or missed — by those who focused on single adult ministry in earlier decades?

    … At the time, those in singles ministry understood that churches did not want to embrace singles any more than they wanted to embrace the homeless.

    But singles simply became too powerful in terms of affluence, education, and sheer numbers to ignore.

    Continue reading “Unmarried America: How Single Adults Are Changing the Face of the U.S. and What It Means for the Church by R. Hurst”