Married Couple Pays Surrogate to Have Baby, They Keep The Healthy Daughter But Refuse the Down Syndrome One – Also: Cops: the Dad is a Convicted Pedo

Married Couple Pays Surrogate to Have Baby, They Keep The Healthy Daughter But Refuse the Down Syndrome One – Also: Cops: the Dad is a Convicted Pedo

And many conservative Christians routinely say or assume that marriage makes a person godly, mature, more loving, and immune from sexual sin, and that you have to be perfect and godly to even merit a spouse to start with (God doesn’t send imperfect people spouses, they say).

Hmm. Then how would Christians explain this selfish married couple who
1. won’t accept the Down’s Syndrome twin from the surrogate
and
2. the father is a convicted kid-diddler (pedophile)?

How is it that God rewards child molesters with spouses, but not law abiding, non-perverted singles?

(Link): Australian father accused of abandoning baby boy born to Thai surrogate mother because he had Down Syndrome ‘was jailed for sexual assault on a child under 13’

(Link): Australia investigates ‘paedophile’ father in Thai baby scandal

Adult Singleness and Virginity Ridiculed by Preacher Mark Driscoll from 2000 – and anti Homosexual and Sexist Rhetoric ( Re Driscoll Rant known as Pussified Nation )

Adult Singleness and Virginity Ridiculed by Preacher Mark Driscoll from 2000 – and anti Homosexual and Sexist Rhetoric

More anti-singlness and anti-virginity commentary from perverted, sexist douche bag and pastor Mark Driscoll has come to light. I have blogged about this creep before (see links at the conclusion of this post for more).

I am not a fan of tip toeing around people’s feelings and the extreme political correctness in today’s culture, (as I wrote of in a (Link): previous blog post here), but, I am not a supporter of this other extreme, the one Driscoll presents in the post I excerpt below.

It’s one thing to speak your mind – in a firm but respectful way, even if the majority of popular culture does not like your beliefs – but Driscoll seems to go out of his way to be unnecessarily rude, condescending, and hateful, or as obnoxious as he can be.

In the year 2000, Neo-Calvinist preacher Mark Driscoll, writing under the name “William Wallace II,” I think, wrote a bunch of inflammatory commentary on his church’s forum “Midrash.” In a book he wrote, Driscoll admitted to posting as “William Wallace II” on that forum (some sites linked to below have screen captures taken from online versions of the book that you can view).

In a series of very long posts, Driscoll ranted against women, feminists, homosexuals, men who are not manly-man enough in his view, and all this has drawn the ire and attention of many netizens after this was blogged about recently.

However, the portion of Driscoll’s post that caught my eye seems to subtly mock or ridicule adult singleness, singles ministries, and adult virginity.

Before I get to that, I wanted to mention this:

According to one source ((Link): source) in a Tweet:

    Driscoll through Wallace says women need a man to help them select a husband (p. 78). Eastern culture > Biblical example incl Ruth, then.

As I replied on Twtter in regards to that view by Driscoll:

    I’m a never married lady over 40, would still like to marry some day – Driscoll can eat my shorts

Yes, Driscoll can take his outdated, sexist views about single women and cram them up his butt.

There was also this (Willam Wallace parody account is quoting Driscoll (Link): Source):

Returning once more to the long rant by Driscoll:

(Link): Mark Driscoll’s Pussified Nation… – Matthew Paul Turner’s blog –
If Turner’s blog becomes unavailable for viewing (which it did earlier today apparently due to a stampede of traffic), you can read the Driscoll penned posts here:
(Link): Posts by Driscoll

Here are excerpts of what Driscoll wrote in 2000, under the name “William Wallace II” – with comments by me below this long excerpt (and additional links by other people about this Driscoll rant):

    We live in a completely pussified nation.

    We could get every man, real man as opposed to pussified James Dobson knock-off crying Promise Keeping homoerotic worship loving mama’s boy sensitive emasculated neutered exact male replica evangellyfish, and have a conference in a phone booth.

    It all began with Adam, the first of the pussified nation, who kept his mouth shut and watched everything fall headlong down the slippery slide of hell/feminism when he shut his the slippery slide of hell/feminism when he shut his mouth and listened to his wife who thought Satan was a good theologian when he should have lead her and exercised his delegated authority as king of the planet.

    As a result, he was cursed for listening to his wife and every man since has been his pussified sit quietly by and watch a nation of men be raised by bitter penis envying burned feministed single mothers who make sure that Johnny grows up to be a very nice woman who sits down to pee.

    Continue reading “Adult Singleness and Virginity Ridiculed by Preacher Mark Driscoll from 2000 – and anti Homosexual and Sexist Rhetoric ( Re Driscoll Rant known as Pussified Nation )”

Article: Wife who’s aborted two babies – because she’s too selfish to share her husband

Article: Wife who’s aborted two babies – because she’s too selfish to share her husband

Evangelical and conservative Christian propaganda: motherhood instantly transforms women into self-less, giving, loving, godly SAINTS who can do not wrong. Another example of how this is not so (below).

There are photos of them (the married couple discussed in the article) both on the page. They are both very physically unattractive people. I sometimes wonder how people who resemble trolls manage to get partners – in this case, they’re both about equal on the unattractive scale, so I guess that might explain things.

As for myself: I was open to the idea of having kids, had I married by the time I was 35, but I do find other people’s kids annoying.

I don’t think women who knew from a young age that they never wanted to have children are selfish or horrible.

However, in regards to this particular story – and as I am pro-life – this woman in some aspects does sound very selfish to me. It’s all about her and her husband.

Apparently being a biological mother (she was pregnant twice) and being married did not, contrary to common evangelical, Baptist, Reformed, and fundamentalist clap trap, did not make her more giving, loving, or godly.

(Link): Wife who’s aborted two babies – because she’s too selfish to share her husband

    The wife who’s aborted two babies – because she’s too selfish to share her husband: It’s a shocking confession. But Rowena is utterly unrepentant – and even insists more women should follow her example

    By ROWENA SHRIMPTON
    PUBLISHED: 16:48 EST, 23 July 2014 | UPDATED: 01:50 EST, 24 July 2014

    -Rowena met Roger when she was a teen and knew he was the man for her
    -They married when they were 21
    -Both agreed they never wanted to have children
    -So when she fell pregnant on two occasions, she had abortions
    -She says she would hate to share her husband’s affection
    -She also believes remaining childless is why their marriage has lasted
    -Believes mothers often have failed marriages as they put children first

    …For the second time in my life I was faced with the question of what I wanted more: a baby or my husband’s undivided love. And again, the decision was simple. Ever since I met Roger, I’d known I didn’t want to share him with anyone else, not even our child.

    Continue reading “Article: Wife who’s aborted two babies – because she’s too selfish to share her husband”

Pouty Husband Sends Wife Spreadsheet Detailing Sex-Life Dissatisfaction

Pouty Husband Sends Wife Spreadsheet Detailing Sex-Life Dissatisfaction

What an entitled, immature weenie (the husband).

I have no sympathy, none, for married people who complain their spouse is not putting out as often as they prefer.

Jul 23, update: Jezebel is now carrying this story:
(Link): Sex Spreadsheet Details Wife’s Frustration With Husband (Jezebel)

(Link): Pouty Husband Sends Wife Spreadsheet Detailing Sex-Life Dissatisfaction

    Reddit user throwwwwaway29 has a husband, and her husband is fed up. He is so fed up that this morning he sent her an email that contained the above spreadsheet, detailing all the times she has denied him sex over the course of the last month or so.

    The wife explains:

    — start quote by wife
    Yesterday morning, while in a taxi on the way to the airport, Husband sends a message to my work email which is connected to my phone.

    He’s never done this, we always communicate in person or by text.

    I open it up, and it’s a sarcastic diatribe basically saying he won’t miss me for the 10 days I’m gone.

    Attached is a SPREADSHEET of all the times he has tried to initiate sex since June 1st, with a column for my “excuses”, using verbatim quotes of why I didn’t feel like having sex at that very moment. According to his ‘document’, we’ve only had sex 3 times in the last 7 weeks, out of 27 “attempts” on his part.
    —- end quote

    Look man, every marriage is different when it comes to settling on an acceptable fucks-per-month quota. But it’s never a good idea to voice your displeasure at where that fucks-per-month number currently sits via a passive aggressive email and a spreadsheet detailing your wife’s alleged frigidity.

    Good work italicizing all the yeses in there, though. We can almost hear the echos from you high-fiving yourself when you typed those in.

———————-
Related:

(Link): Bitter, Frustrated 22 Year Old Male Virgin and Member of Men’s Rights / PUA Groups Kills Several Women Because He Couldn’t Get Dates – what an entitled sexist doof

The female version of entitled doofwadness (and insanity):
(Link): ​Woman Shoots Lover Over Unsatisfying Sex

(Link): When Women Wanted Sex Much More Than Men – and how the stereotype flipped

(Link): Jason the Christian’s Sexless Marriage – Christians promise hot regular steamy married sex but it isn’t true

(Link): Marriage Doesn’t Necessarily Guarantee Great Sex or Any At All

(Link): Getting Married Does Not Necessarily Guarantee Frequent Hot Satisfying Sexy Sex / (also discussed): Gender and Sex Stereotypes (article)

(Link): Married Woman Signing off as “Looking Ahead” Admits to Being in Sexless Marriage for TEN YEARS

Pervy Preacher from Seattle who teaches men “to objectify women, by his over emphasis of sexualization of women and subservience” (Re Driscoll)

Pervy Preacher from Seattle who teaches men “to objectify women, by his over emphasis of sexualization of women and subservience” (Re Driscoll)

I have blogged on this cretin before. Driscoll is sexist, and anti-singles, both anti male singles and anti female singles.

Driscoll, oddly, out of one side of his mouth, will condemn pornography in some of his sermons or books, but then tell his male church members on other occasions, whether in sermons or in books, that their wives are nothing more than sex blow up dolls, there to do their every sexual bidding, even indulging in sex acts most women do not want or enjoy, such as anal sex, or performing a blow job on their husband.

(That’s right men, most women do not like giving blow jobs, which is one of your seemingly biggest fantasies. Over the span of my entire life, all women I’ve met in person, or have read their musings online, only one or two have said they enjoy performing oral sex on a man. Most women get no pleasure out of it, it grosses them out, and many say it makes them feel like a five dollar crack whore.

I also notice that when writing about marital sex, or sermonizing on it, many conservative male preachers never, ever advise the husbands to perform oral sex on their wives, or perform whatever other sex act… it’s always very selfishly framed in how the woman can meet the man’s sexual needs.)

Mark Driscoll is a married father, and he is a sexual pervert… and yet, Christians insist on portraying or thinking of all older (as in over age 30) never-married, childless men as being homosexuals, over sexed Don Juans, or some other type of sexual deviant.

That Driscoll is on record (in his book on marriage, if I am not mistaken, or was it a sermon?) as saying he and his wife’s marriage was sexless for a few years (or unsatisfactory sexually in some other manner) also does not speak well of the conservative Christian propaganda that married sex is super great, so, if you just wait until you’re married to have sex, there will be fire works in the bedroom all the time.

A long excerpt from
(Link): Inside Mars Hill’s massive meltdown

    by By Stacey Solie
    July 2014

    SEX

    It was also around the mid-2000s that members noticed Driscoll’s growing preoccupation with sex.

    Driscoll also started to preach more about male privilege and sexual entitlement. This had a damaging impact on many marriages, said Rob Thain Smith, who, with Merle, was acting as an informal marriage counselor to many young couples.

    “He created enormous abuse of wives,” Smith said. “He helped young men objectify women, by his over emphasis of sexualization of women and subservience.”

    “The way Driscoll talked, you thought that he was getting it every night. All these men are seeing his hot wife, and are thinking he’s got it made.”

    In Real Marriage, Driscoll bitterly describes a largely sexless marriage, and seems to imply that he’s been acting out all these years because he was sexually frustrated at home.

    Continue reading “Pervy Preacher from Seattle who teaches men “to objectify women, by his over emphasis of sexualization of women and subservience” (Re Driscoll)”

Follow Up – Reactions by Other Writers to Sexist, Condescending 50 Something Men Who Think They Are Final Arbiters of If Women Are Attractive Past Age of 40 (Re: Esquire Editorial by Junod)

Follow Up – Reactions by Other Writers to Sexist Condescending 50 Something Men Who Think They Are Final Arbiters of If Women Are Attractive Past Age of 40 (Re: Esquire Editorial by Junod)

This is a follow up to my post from yesterday,
(Link): Obnoxious, Condescending, Sexist, Pervy Esquire Editorial by 50-Something Year Old Man: “In Praise of 42 Year Old Women” – Condescendingly Reassures 40 Something Women He’d Sex Them Up

Here are other people’s reactions to the insufferable, obnoxious, ageist, and sexist Junod editorial on Esquire.

(Link): Older women don’t need mansplaining boner prose in praise of their sexiness

    by Jessica Valenti
    theguardian.com,
    Friday 11 July 2014 07.15

    An homage in a men’s magazine to the ‘carnal appeal’ of 42-year old women is no great win for feminism

    Breaking news! Men’s magazines have determined that it is not abnormal for men to ogle and objectify women over the age of 40! Women of the world, feminism has won! Rejoice!

    Or not.

    To kick off its annual women issue, Esquire magazine on Thursday published an essay called “In Praise of 42-Year Old Women”, assuring the normally-depressed old hags that dudes (or at least the writer Tom Junod) still want to bang them. Junod – who has an “interesting” history writing about women – writes that, while “[t]here used to be something tragic about even the most beautiful forty-two-year-old woman”, they now have “carnal appeal”.

    — start Junod quote
    A few generations ago, a woman turning forty-two was expected to voluntarily accept the shackles of biology and convention; now it seems there is no one in our society quite so determined to be free. Conservatives still attack feminism with the absurd notion that it makes its adherents less attractive to men; in truth, it is feminism that has made forty-two-year-old women so desirable.
    — end Junod quote

    Protip to male writers gorging on self-congratulation as they deem grown woman fuckable: leave feminism out of it.

    Junod, careful to qualify that the 42-year-old women worthy of praise are those who “have armored themselves with yoga and Pilates even as they joke about the spectacle”, seems to believe that he has done women a great kindness with this piece. But when he writes that 42-year-old women are “superior” to men and that “the best thing that that forty-two-year-old American men have going for them is forty-two-year-old American women”, he does so with the same benevolence of a lazy husband praising his wife’s laundry skills. (Or financial skills, in his case.)

    It’s easy for men to call women “superior” in a society that privileges men at nearly every turn: they’re not the ones being grossly objectified under the guise of a compliment.

    Certainly, women over 40 deserve more reverence and respect than they typically get – and I’d love to see women of all ages receive that … outside of women’s magazines and day-time talk shows. We live in a culture, often driven by the media and Hollywood, that paints women over 25 as desperate and pathetic: we’re considered past our prime, never to be “nubile” (a word worth banning from our collective consciousness if there ever was one) again!

    But the validation that women seek is generally not of the erection-producing variety. It’s very nice and all that writers are catching on that women of all ages can be sexy, but framing that as an amazing new discovery makes it more about men than it is about us (which feels about par for the course).

    For example, in a companion piece on Esquire’s website, writer Stephen Marche urges us all – in a slightly less cringe-inducing way than Junod’s overwrought boner-prose – to retire the word MILF. He writes that “there’s another explanation for the rise of 42, one that’s even more revelatory. Maybe it isn’t fashion at all. Maybe it’s what men wanted all along.”

    Right. But maybe, just maybe, what men want isn’t – and doesn’t always have to be – the damn point.

(Link): BREAKING: Esquire Declares 42-Year-Old Women Now F-ckable by Tracy Moore

    Why, used to be, a woman at the age of 42 could hardly be glanced at, much less taken to bed and ravaged shame-free in broad daylight. No longer. Esquire has sent word across all channels that 42-year-old women have been removed from the Do Not Bang list and are no longer off-limits to respectable men. In other news, FIRE SALE AT CHICO’S.

    Forty-two year-old broads everywhere can now pack up their loose but crisp linen shirts, let their slightly graying hair down, and select their finest modest but sexy cocktail dress and get back out there.

    Behold the clarion call courtesy of author Tom Junod:

    —- start Junod quote
    Let’s face it: There used to be something tragic about even the most beautiful forty-two-year-old woman. With half her life still ahead of her, she was deemed to be at the end of something—namely, everything society valued in her, other than her success as a mother. If she remained sexual, she was either predatory or desperate; if she remained beautiful, what gave her beauty force was the fact of its fading. And if she remained alone… well, then God help her.
    — end Junod quote

    We’ve all seen those women — you know, the beautiful aging ones who just seemed so pathetic for existing at all. Also, he is right, I can’t think of more forceful beauty than the fading kind. The not-fading kind is great — don’t get me wrong — but if you think about it, it’s just not quite as potent, all said. However, a hint of beauty once there is just, well, sickening. Really sad, too.

    The only thing more ludicrous than Tom Junod’s feelings about 42-year-olds are the misguided assumptions that lurk beneath them… like a 42-year-old woman clawing at the icy surface above her, desperate to escape the tomb of her old age and fading beauty, trapped in part because she acknowledges that icy cold water could significantly invigorate her appearance.

    Continue reading “Follow Up – Reactions by Other Writers to Sexist, Condescending 50 Something Men Who Think They Are Final Arbiters of If Women Are Attractive Past Age of 40 (Re: Esquire Editorial by Junod)”

Men Posting Profiles on Dating Sites Could Use Some Tips (from Dear Abby column)

Men Posting Profiles on Dating Sites Could Use Some Tips (from Dear Abby column)

I totally agree with this. I would expect immature 18 or 20 something males to post immature, vulgar or moronic commentary or photos on their dating site profiles, but back in the day when I tried dating sites (in my mid 30s and a bit in my late 30s), I was astounded by the number of males, ages 30 up to 75, who say lewd things on their profiles.

This includes men who identify as CHRISTIAN. That’s right, men who claimed to be Christian would tell me up front or very early in the onlilne dating game what their preferred sexual positions were, or make inappropriate sex related jokes on their profile pages. None of that is attractive to women, especially not to Christian women.

To add to her points on the list below, I’d add:

Men:
-do not send unsolicited penis photos to a woman;
-do send or post anything of a sexual nature on your profile, unless you are specifically on a sex oriented site such as “Adult Friend Finder” or whatever that Whore Hook-up site is (and when I say whore, I’m including men who are looking for casual sex);
-do not make lewd jokes or use filthy language on your profile page
-do not state what your sexual preferences are on your profile or bring this topic up when sending messages back and forth with a woman.
-do not state you are 45 years old when it’s damn obvious from your profile photo you’re more like 75 years old

(Link): MEN POSTING PROFILES ON DATING SITES COULD USE A FEW TIPS

DEAR ABBY:

    May I sit in your chair and give some advice today?

It’s aimed at men who place ads on dating sites and then wonder why they can’t meet “quality” women.

I’m an educated, decent-looking, middle-aged widow who has dated quite a lot through such ads and local social groups.

Yes, it can be a jungle out there, but the Internet is a wonderful tool for bringing people together.

I live in a small town, and the pool of eligible men is smaller here than in metropolitan areas. That said, there are few profiles that attract my attention and that of my divorced/widowed friends.

Gentlemen, some pointers:

1. Smile! A dour expression is unpleasant.

2. We may want to see you with your shirt off after we get to know you, but it’s not the most appealing or refined pose for a first look.

3. Be realistic. If you are Joe Average, we Jane Averages would enjoy meeting you. Are you really going to hold out for a model who is a decade or so younger than you?

4. Be kind to the English language.
You don’t have to be a genius, but it would be nice to know you can competently communicate in writing.

5. Consider a shave.
Some women like men with facial hair; the majority of the ones I know do not. About 75 percent of men over 50 have a mustache, beard or both. What are you hiding under there?

6. If you’re married and miserable, for goodness sake, go for marriage counseling or get a divorce. But please don’t deceive women who want to meet a nice guy to share life with.

In case you think I’m being too harsh, we gals welcome any suggestions from men who scroll through those female profiles looking for love.
— SURFING IN PETERSBURG, ILL.

——————-
Related posts:

(Link): 25 Women Reveal Their Biggest Dating Profile Dealbreakers

(Link): Stop Telling Your Single Friends to Try Dating Sites – Please.

(Link): Beware of Rapists on Christian Dating Sites

(Link): Women Do Care About Male Looks but Don’t Go For Penis Photos

(Link): Various articles about online dating – Online dating leads to marriage / why men fail at online dating – other articles

(Link): Online Dating Fatigue is a Real Thing and It’s Happening to Everyone by Madison Vanderberg

(Link): Police urge caution when using dating websites / Murderers on Dating Sites

(Link): Woman Meets Man on Dating Site, He Steals Her Dog and TV on First Date

(Link): Is it a date? Or hanging out? [2014] Survey reflects confusion (article)

(Link): Why Online Dating Doesn’t Work

(Link): Internet dating firms entice lonely hearts with faked profiles based on real people (article)

(Link): Blogs by Single Women Who Discuss the Weirdos, Perverts and Losers Who Contact Them on Dating Sites

(Link): Creepizoids Weirdos and Perverts on Dating Sites

(Link): Weird Dating Sites, Toilet Dating, Dating Sites and Privacy

(Link): Online Dating: Women Want Younger Men (article)

(Link): Why Online Dating Doesn’t Work (article)

(Link): Facebook Uses Photo of Dead Girl (by suicide) in Dating Site Ad

(Link): Online Dating Vs Meeting in Real Life (copy)

Bitter, Frustrated 22 Year Old Male Virgin and Member of Men’s Rights / PUA Groups Kills Several Women Because He Couldn’t Get Dates – what an entitled sexist doof

Bitter, Frustrated 22 Year Old Male Virgin Kills Several Women Because He Can’t Get Dates

I bet this lunatic considered himself a “nice guy.” *Snicker.*

One article says, regarding the gunman,

In a YouTube video titled “Retribution,” the gunman, who was a student at Santa Barbara City College,

expresses his frustration over being a virgin at 22 and the constant rejection from women.

“For the last eight years of my life, ever since I hit puberty, I’ve been forced to endure an existence of loneliness, rejection and unfulfilled desires, all because girls have never been attracted to me,” he said.

“In those years I’ve had to rot in loneliness. It’s not fair. You girls have never been attracted to me. I don’t know why you girls have never been attracted to me, but I will punish you for it.”

—(end excerpt)—

What a whiny cry baby.

I’m a virgin in my 40s, female, had hoped to marry, am still single, have a healthy sex drive, and you don’t see me shooting at men. I do not feel as though men “owe” me dates or anything like that, geeze.

By the way, this news story is spectacular evidence of how Christian culture has failed in teaching about celibacy, virginity.

Christians mock and ridicule (or else ignore) virginity as much as secular culture does (I have a few links about that at the bottom of this post).

Christians expend a lot of energy either ignoring adult singleness – in favor of endless pontificating about marriage and setting up ministries to meet the needs of married people – or some of figure heads within the faith insult adult singleness (see, for example, my posts on this blog about Al Mohler).

Here are some more links about the guy who shot some women dead over frustration due to being single and a virgin – you will notice this sicko feels tremendously entitled to have a woman, and “beautiful” women at that:

(Link): ‘Mountains of skulls, rivers of blood… tomorrow is the day of retribution’: Virgin gunman’s chilling video rant in full

Partial transcript from one of his videos:

      • I’m 22 years old and I’m still

a virgin 

    • I’ve never even kissed a girl.
  • I’ve been through college for two and half years, more than that actually, and I’m still a virgin.
  • It has been very torturous. College is the time when everyone experiences those things such as sex and fun and pleasure. In those years I’ve had to rot in loneliness.
  • It’s not fair. You girls have never been attracted to me. I don’t know why you girls aren’t attracted to me but I will punish you all for it. It’s an injustice, a crime, because I don’t know what you don’t see in me.
  • I’m the perfect guy and yet you throw yourselves at all these obnoxious men instead of me, the supreme gentleman. I will punish all of you for it. [Laughs]
  • On the day of retribution, I am going to enter the hottest sorority house of UCSB [UC Santa Barbara]. And I will slaughter every single spoiled, stuck up blonde slut I see inside there.
  • All those girls I have desired so much, they will have all rejected me and looked down upon me as an inferior man if I ever made a sexual advance towards them.

Continue reading “Bitter, Frustrated 22 Year Old Male Virgin and Member of Men’s Rights / PUA Groups Kills Several Women Because He Couldn’t Get Dates – what an entitled sexist doof”

Mother Entitlement – Selfish, Self-Centered Mothers Complain that They Are Not Getting ENOUGH Mother Worship from Culture, Church, or Family on Mother’s Day and Some Moms Complain About Churches Showing Compassion to Childless Women

Mother Entitlement – Selfish, Self-Centered Mothers Complain that They Are Not Getting ENOUGH Mother Worship from Culture, Church, or Family on Mother’s Day and Some Moms Complain About Churches Showing Compassion to Childless Women

I remember seeing posts like this (see link below) last year at Mother’s Day – there are actually mothers out there, including Christian and Mormon ones, who feel that their churches do not do ENOUGH to honor them on Mommy’s Day.

Some mothers I’ve seen go further than that and insult or mock childless (or childfree) women in the comments of blogs that ask people to be more sensitive to the feelings of non mothers.

These bitter, hate-filled mothers spit out, on such blogs, comments such as, “Screw the childless women, what about me, I work hard as a mom all year and DESERVE some recognition.”

Yep, they are that blunt and nasty about it in their comments. (I have a real sample below, with a link to said blog, but it’s by a guy, not a lady, but it’s representative of the type of crap angry mothers who whine about being under-appreciated leave on blogs).

No, I am not exaggerating, I have indeed seen a smattering of such vitriolic comments by mothers on various blogs the last two years, even on Christian blogs by women who claim they are Christian!

Even though churches WORSHIP motherhood 24 hours a day, 365 days a year and hype it up on Mother’s Day itself even more so, these selfish mommy dolts think churches should worship mommy-hood EVEN MORE than they already do.

Meanwhile, never-married, childless, divorced, widowed, and childfree adult women get absolutely NO HOLIDAYS in THEIR honor, so why should I care if mommies don’t feel honored enough on Mother’s Day?

Some mothers are the most selfish, hateful people on the face of the planet.

Some mothers expect and demand everyone around them in their families and at church to make a big fuss over them.

I thought motherhood was supposed to be its own reward?

If motherhood is so lofty, so noble, so high and mighty, and it supposedly makes a woman totally content, and you buy into Christian swill about mom-hood being a woman’s only, or most, godly role in life, why do you, little Ms. Entitled Mommy, need or want others to validate the position for you, by throwing you parties and handing you carnations in church services?

I thought Christians said parenthood automatically makes a person more godly and giving than being single and child-free, or it works out that way over a period of years?

That is not so, because I see many mothers online whining like little children that they don’t get enough attention and presents from their spouses or preachers on the holiday.

I cannot believe how self absorbed and self centered some mothers are.

Here is a link to a blog page by a Mormon woman –
Note that while this woman is a Mormon but her points sound about identical to the average Baptist, Reformed, or Evangelical women I see online; just swap out “Mormon” with the word “Christian” and it reads the same:

(Link): Taking Mom Out of Mother’s Day – Have We Gone Too Far?

Excerpts:

    In a desire to be sensitive toward women who are unable to have children I’m concerned that, perhaps, on Mother’s Day, we may be going a bit too far. Not that we can ever be too compassionate in acknowledging the pain that surely accompanies the inability to have children, but at the same time we shouldn’t need to pull back in giving the much needed praise, encouragement and recognition of Moms’, who are actually raising, or have raised, children — and all that that entails.

  • …In order to be politically sensitive, in all circumstances, where the issue of how women fulfill their role as mothers comes into play, it is my observation that we are becoming increasingly comfortable with relegating actual Moms’ to the back of the bus — even on Mother’s Day. And frankly, that kind of bothers me.

Here was the comment I left on her page (but it did not show up last I checked):

    Never-married and childless women such as myself get ZERO holidays for us. None. There are no cards for us. No cakes, no brunches.

  • Churches never have a “recognize and celebrate mature, celibate, never married, childless women” type of service, so I have a very hard time feeling sorry for mothers who feel their churches or communities are not doing enough to honor motherhood.

Continue reading “Mother Entitlement – Selfish, Self-Centered Mothers Complain that They Are Not Getting ENOUGH Mother Worship from Culture, Church, or Family on Mother’s Day and Some Moms Complain About Churches Showing Compassion to Childless Women”

Being Childfree, Childless, Infertile, or Dealing With the Death of a Mother on Mother’s Day, Or Dealing With An Abusive or Insensitive Mother, Mothers Who Lost Adult or Young Children to Murder, Abortion, Miscarriages, or Sickness (links)

Being Childfree, Childless, Infertile, or Dealing With the Death of a Mother on Mother’s Day, An Abusive or Insensitive Mother, Mothers Who Lost Adult Children to Murder or Sickness (links)

Disclaimer: I am not anti-motherhood, nor necessarily against people taking their mothers out to brunch on Mother’s Day, or buying dear old Mom some flowers to mark the occasion.

I am, however, against the excessive focus on motherhood, the failure to acknowledge and celebrate childless and childfree women, the onslaught of syrupy Mother’s Day hoopla, on and before the day, and the church services that honor mothers because:

  • Some people (women included) were abused by their mothers and so find the holiday awkward or painful,
  • some people had or have mothers who are/were cruel or overly-critical,
  • some people’s mothers are dead and they miss them terribly,
  • some women desire to be a mother but cannot because they are infertile, their spouse is infertile, or they are single and cannot find “Mr. Right” (and don’t believe in getting pregnant outside of marriage, or don’t feel they could support a baby alone)
  • some women choose to be child free, but feel excluded or shamed by church and secular staggering emphasis on motherhood on the holiday

Some Christians have turned motherhood (as well as fatherhood and marriage) into idols, which they should repent of.

That is one reason why churches are losing visitors and members: despite the fact that 44% of American adults are single (edit: as of 2014 studies, (Link): that figure is now 51% or greater) and a big chunk are childless, most churches either…

– IGNORE adult singles/ childless adults,
or,
-preachers and Christian talking heads insult adult singleness and adult virginity from their blogs, pod casts, books, organizations, and pulpits, by implying or forth rightly saying, that adult singleness (or being childless) makes a person stunted, or makes a person not as “godly” as being married with kids.

Now, why the hell does anyone suppose I, a never-married celibate woman, would want to attend a church where I am insulted before I ever step foot in it?

Most churches spend mountains of money on “family” ministries, family dinners, programs for youth and married couples.

Most churches and denominations do not budget time or money for adult singles anything – not classes, social functions, dinners. The big message from that is, “At our church, we don’t care about adult singles or those without children. You have to be married with a kid to count here.”

If you are a church that has a “Mother’s Day” celebration or ceremony of some sort, even if it’s very brief, you should also have one the following Sunday for all the childless, never-married women, the child free women, and infertile- but- married women too, or women who have not been able to carry a baby to term (ie, miscarry) – it’s only fair.

If you are unwilling to honor ALL women in ALL situations, ages, and life stages, at one time or another during the year in your church, nobody should get a holiday or party, none, nope, nuh-uh.

This post discusses being single and childless or childfree on Mother’s day, or other circumstances that make Mother’s Day painful for some women.

—–THE LINKS—–

(Link): For the childless this Mother’s Day (and those who love them) by S. Burden

(Link): When Mother’s Day isn’t so rosy: 6 recommended ways to cope

Excerpt

    Happy Not-A-Mother’s Day to every woman who might be reading this and does not have children. This coming Sunday, it will be Mother’s Day yet again.

  • More than likely the author of this article will attend church services with her husband and quite a few children will be passing out flowers for each of the mothers in attendance. When one of them reaches her and starts to place a beautiful blossom in her hand, she will gently refuse but thank him or her anyway.
  • The child may become confused but that will just have to be.
  • He or she does need to learn that not all the adult women that are in attendance for church are mothers.
  • The author is in her very early 40’s, an adult, and a wife but she is not anyone’s mother. For as long as the Earth has existed, the persistent ticking of most women’s biological clocks have equated their lives with one purpose only and that has been to have children.
  • However in today’s society, great numbers of married women have decided not to have them.
  • Happily the writer of this article was lucky enough to have been born at a time in history where such a choice was accepted with women, and also to luck out and find a husband who felt the same way she did about children.

(Link): ‘Childless’ or ‘Childfree’: The Difference Matters

Excerpts

    Here’s the problem: While “childless” means the condition of being without children, it implies that everyone who does not have children would like to have them. However, being “childfree,” like Mirren—and like me—means that one does not want to have children at all.
  • ….The taboo that surrounds women without children, childless or childfree, is potent.
  • We spend a lot of time explaining ourselves (or avoiding explaining ourselves) and looking for people who understand us, who don’t ask us to or expect us to explain. But at the same time, the difference between childless and childfree folks is important to take note of and apply correctly, because we are not, in fact, the same.
  • As a woman who’s childfree, I’m not experiencing reproductive challenges.
  • I’m not waiting for the right partner, or enough money, or the perfect geographic location.
  • I don’t feel like something is missing from my life because I don’t have children. I don’t want to have kids. There is no yet.
  • … That might be hard to swallow, for some—childfree folks constantly hear things like, “You’ll change your mind” and “You’ll regret it.”
  • Perhaps, because it’s still so unfathomable to the world that a woman wouldn’t want a baby, the term is deliberately misunderstood. If we keep confusing the language, the thinking may go, we can deny that childfree women exist.
  • The experience of not wanting children in a world where women are defined by their reproductive desire and potential—where women are expected to structure their lives around babies—is very different than being a woman who would like a baby or would like to be a parent some day. That difference has to do with desire.
  • If you’re a cisgender, heterosexual woman—especially a white woman—who doesn’t have a kid but wants one, you’re still in line with expectations about how a woman should behave.
  • You’re not threatening, you’re adhering.
  • A cisgender, straight woman who doesn’t want a baby is transgressive, subversive, pathological, a perpetual mystery to be solved.
  • Things may be different, of course, if you’re queer, trans, single, poor, or a person of color; as a society, we’re pretty clear on who we want to be having babies.

(Link): Mother’s Day After Abortion

    Mother’s Day is a wonderful celebration – a time when mothers are honored for their constant love and daily sacrifice, and when life itself is recognized and treasured as the gift that it is.
  • But for many women who have had abortions, Mother’s Day is one of the biggest triggers of painful memories, regrets, and remorse over what “might have been.”
  • My heart breaks for these women.
  • Even though they accepted and believed the messages our society esteems so highly – messages about a woman’s right to choose and the importance of “family planning” – these women have learned, through bitter experience, the truth that abortion is tragic for women.

(Link): Why You Should Watch What You Say on Mother’s Day

Excerpts:

      • by Lori Holden, May 2014
      • ——————–
      • An open letter to ministers, yoga teachers, rabbis, spin instructors, pastors, professors, priests, Zumba leaders, imams, motivational speakers, reverends and anyone addressing mothers and fathers in mid-May or mid-June.
      • ——————

Dear Person at the Front of the Room,

  • I know you worked really hard on that homily about Mother’s Day/Father’s Day. It’s a time of joy and appreciation and community for almost everyone you address. Thank you for your special sentiments to soothe those in your audience who don’t have their mothers or fathers accessible to them. It’s a nice touch to bring in that compassion.
  • You may not know this, but there are likely other outliers receiving your message. That 30-something lady who pulled tissues out of her purse and filled up three of them with tears and snot? That man who had to excuse himself awkwardly? That woman who tried to hide the fact that she was sobbing on her yoga mat?
  • These are people who desperately want to be a mother or father, to join the parenting club at long last. To have the cards and commercials and 30% off sales apply to them. To bring into their lives what others are able to effortlessly.
  • These are the outliers in your audience.
  • Let me tell you about some of them.
  • Could be a woman who found out this morning that her third IVF attempt didn’t work — no line on the pee stick. To make matters worse, she turns 35 next week and her medical chart will be marked AMA — advanced maternal age. Her prospects for success with future treatments looks unbearably bleak.
  • Could be a couple who has been waiting in an adoption pool for 28 months. Each period she has — each turn of the calendar page — marks another month their prayers have gone unanswered.
  • Could be a couple who thought they were finally going to be admitted to the Mother’s Day/Father’s Day club, but whose hopes ended in a miscarriage, stillbirth, or neonatal death.
  • Could be a couple whose planned surrogate is suddenly unavailable to them.
  • Could be a man who wore the title of Dad for a few months — until his baby died.
  • Could be a woman who experienced an unexpected pregnancy and took the course to place her baby in the arms of another mother.
  • Could be a couple who has exhausted their options and who has resigned themselves to living a child-free life. Not so much by choice as by circumstance.

Written by a Child Free, lesbian Woman (you do not have to be a lesbian or agree with or endorse lesbianism to relate to what this woman says):

(Link): On Not Being a Parent by Julie R. Enszer

    As the United States moves into the frenzied celebrations of female parenthood, I want to register an alternate voice and declare my autonomy from children. I am not a parent, and I am happy to not be a parent.
  • I am a child-free woman. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, in 2008, about 17 percent of women between the age of 40 and 44 had not had a child. This is a significant number of women without children in the United States today.
  • Child-free women do not speak out enough. We are not necessarily women who wanted children but could not have them; we are not necessarily women who forgot to have children; we are not necessarily women who missed a crucial life milestone. Being child-free is not necessarily a source of shame or regret.
  • I want to say plainly: I am blessed to not have children. I have more time and energy to devote to creative pursuits and projects that fuel my passions in the world.

(Link): A Bittersweet Mother’s Day

    Mother’s Day can be such a bittersweet time. It is a special day to celebrate our mothers, but for those of us who have lost our mothers, did not have a caring mother or have not been able to experience the joys of motherhood despite trying, it can be a painful reminder.

Continue reading “Being Childfree, Childless, Infertile, or Dealing With the Death of a Mother on Mother’s Day, Or Dealing With An Abusive or Insensitive Mother, Mothers Who Lost Adult or Young Children to Murder, Abortion, Miscarriages, or Sickness (links)”

Women Hating Sites / Men’s Rights Sites Such as Moronic “Save The Males”

Women Hating Sites / Men’s Rights Sites Such as Moronic “Save The Males”

In a previous post, a reader asked me to check out and comment on the site “Save the Males.”

Here is in part how she described that site and some of the views on the site:

    [Writers on the Save the Males site are] …. always talking down to women about how their position is at home with a husband and baby and specially the last article telling women to snatch a husband while in college.

    This women is pushing the one sided idea that if a women wants to get married all she needs to do is snap her fingers and the guy will instantly agree to tie the knot, when the truth is far from this.

    I will say it again most college guys will laugh at your face say if are thinking about marriage. They are focused on their career and or partying and see women as casual hooks or someone to avoid.

Here was my response to the reader that I was going to leave as a reply but decided to put into a post of its own:

Nothing has changed. I was a college student in the 1990s, and it was the same in the 1990s as it is now with the 20 something males.

By the way, you are not going to be in your 20s forever. You will turn 30, then eventually 40, and you will grow to deeply resent how the culture and churches fawn all over 20 somethings and cater to their every concern while ignoring yours.

If you are a single woman past age 35, you rarely will get any articles, editorials, or advice about being single.

Most preachers (and many secular authors) tailor all their singleness sermons, blogs, and books, and articles to a 20 something audience. People are very ageist in this regard.

If you think being single is bad now, just wait until you reach age 35, 40, and older and are still single – it gets 100 times worse, in several regards. (In some ways, it gets a little better, but that is another topic for another time.)

Also, it’s not just men in their 20s who are like what you were describing in your comments.

A lot of older men, men ages 30, 40, and up, are also reluctant to marry.

Continue reading “Women Hating Sites / Men’s Rights Sites Such as Moronic “Save The Males””

Elderly Widower Dude is a Slut Says Adult Daughter – Why Churches Need to Teach Celibacy Applies to Even Married People Not Just Under Age 25 Singles

Elderly Widower Dude is a Slut Says Adult Daughter – Why Churches Need to Teach Celibacy Applies to Even Married People Not Just Under Age 25 Singles

So this adult daughter writes to an advice columnist explaining that her elderly father lost his wife (her mother) a few years ago, and ever since, he has been a big slut. (Farther below, I have pasted in her letter to Dear Amy so you can read it for yourself.)

I’d like to point out that “slut shaming” happens to men too, but I usually only hear secular feminists complain that it happens to women.

The woman’s senior-aged father is sleeping around with numerous women, he has several girlfriends at a time, but keeps each girlfriend (GF) in the dark about all the other GFs.

The daughter is afraid someone, her dad, or one of the dad’s GFs, is going to get an S.T.I. (aka S.T.D.).

This is yet another reason Christians need to get over the mentality that teachings about sexual purity and celibacy are for young singles only.

Not only do you have never-married (or not- married- yet) adult singles over the age of 30 who are trying to remain sexually pure, there are plenty of whom are still virgins, but you get these married couples whose spouse dies at some point in their lives, and they go out and start having sex with a lot of people after the death.

Celibacy is not just for young singles, it’s for ~everyone~. !HELLO, Christian culture, HELLO preachers of America!

You have married couples where one partner loses his (or her) sex drive due to stress, physical health (illness), or one or both partners find the sex boring after several weeks or months. As a result, some marriage counselors are telling such partners to go have an extra-marital fling (an affair).

I wrote about that situation here:

      (Link):

Why Christians Need to Uphold Lifelong Celibacy as an Option for All Instead of Merely Pressuring All to Marry – vis a vis Sexless Marriages, Counselors Who Tell Marrieds that Having Affairs Can Help their Marriages

It’s not enough for churches to keep acting as though messages of sexual purity are for teens and college students only.

Another reason they need to step up: a lot of 20- somethings and 30- somethings today, ones who drift away from church or the faith now, reject a lot of the church’s teachings on sexuality – that is, the churches and preachers who even bother to teach that pre-marital sex is a sin at all, because many do not.

(See: (Link): Christian Preacher Admits He Won’t Preach About Sexuality / Sexual Sin For Fear It May Offend Sexual Sinners)

The problem is, a lot of these ex-Christians or uber- liberal Christian types feel that their conservative churches wrongly taught about sex. These types feel that the Bible does not speak out against sex outside of marriage, even though yes, it in fact does. So, they disregard about any and all limitations on sex at all.

Churches need to do a better job, and try a different approach of, speaking about sexual sin, because a lot of the 20-somethings are later rejecting or disregarding what they are hearing about sex in church when they later leave church.

The fact remains that even married adults need to hear sermons about sexual purity, because some of them are failing miserably at it.

If your husband takes a two week business trip, and you find yourself alone, are you going to sleep with your UPS delivery man, or next door neighbor, while the husband is gone?

If you are a married man whose wife is in the military, and she gets shipped overseas for a six month tour of duty, are you going to remain faithful to her, or whore it up with other women while she is away?

What if you’re 50 years old and your 50 year old spouse is physically disabled or gets early-onset dementia, are you going to be true to him or her, or start sleeping around?

Churches need to address those types of situations and stop assuming that sexual temptation and sin is something that besets ONLY 17 year old kids.

Here’s the letter:

Ask Amy: Randy widower worries his daughter

Dear Amy:

I’m really concerned my widower father is turning into something of a slut.

My mother passed away seven years ago, and then my father had the very unfortunate luck of having a girlfriend who succumbed to cancer a few years later.

I understand that he’s lonely, and needs affection that only a female companion would give, but he’s currently courting three women, none of whom know about each other.

I know it is none of my business, but I am actually frightened that these women he met online who so easily jump into bed with him will leave him with an STD.

I’ve heard that the spread of STDs is actually more prevalent among the older generation these days. What would you suggest I do to convince him that these trysts may be more than he bargained for, without overstepping boundaries?

He’s quite headstrong and rarely listens to me; what should I do?

Signed,
— Concerned daughter

You see, preachers need to be preaching about sex in such a way that even married people understand that sex outside of marriage is SIN.

Because evidently, there are a lot of married men who feel okay and fine cheating on their wives while the wife is alive, or like the man in the letter above, they feel just fine engaging in fornication, and with multiple partners, once the wife dies.

Here was Amy’s reply:

Dear Concerned:

I shared your question with a spokesperson for the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, who responded:
“While CDC continues to find that STDs disproportionately affect younger people in the U.S., it is important to understand that many older Americans face unique prevention challenges (e.g., discomfort in discussing sexual behaviors with physicians and partners and discomfort discussing condom use). It is also important for physicians to assess older patients’ risk.”

Older men may not have gotten the memo about wearing a condom. In their randy youth, condoms were used for birth control; now they are vital disease control devices. Your father could become infected and/or infect his partners.

Onto his sluttiness. There is not much you can (or should) do about his choice to sleep around.

The women he is seeing may also be mutually consenting (slutty) elders, and while this prospect isn’t quite what you want for your dear dad — it is what it is and you may have to accept it and only remind him to speak to his doctor about his risks.

Sexual promiscuity can be a sign of depression, however. If you feel he is out of control, you must do your best to urge him toward a mental health evaluation.

———————————–
Related posts:

(Link): No Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity – Christians Attack and Criticize Virginity Sexual Purity Celibacy / Virginity Sexual Purity Not An Idol

(Link):  Sex and Alzheimer’s – Selfish, Perverted Husband Rapes His Alzheimer’s Wife

(Link): Married People Who Find Themselves Single Again – Spouses With Dementia / Married People Who Are Lonely

(Link): Widower to Advice Columnist Talks about Being Stereotyped by Married Couples or Ignored by Other Marrieds Since His Wife has Died

(Link): AARP post: How to Handle a Sexless Married Life – But Christians Promise You Great Hot Regular Married Sex

(Link): Horny Celibacy – Another Anti Virginity, Anti Sexual Purity Essay – Also discussed: Being Equally Yoked, Divorce, Remarriage

(Link): Grieving widow doesn’t need to start dating in order to heal (letter from advice column)

(Link): Widows and Childless and Childfree Have Better Well Being Than Married Couples and Parents says new study

(Link): “Family-ing” Single Adults by D. Franck – How Churches Can Minister to Single Adults
——————————————-
To Tweet:

Elderly Widower is Slut Says Daughter – Y Churches Need Teach Celibacy 2 Married Pple Not Just Teens https://christianpundit.wordpress.com/2014/03/18/elderly-widow-dude-is-a-slut-says-adult-daughter-why-churches-need-to-teach-celibacy-applies-to-even-married-people-not-just-under-age-25-singles/ #Celibacy

Married Father Wants Frequent Breaks From Being Married Father – If Family is Backbone of Society As Christians Teach….

Married Father Wants Frequent Breaks From Being Married Father – (If Family is Backbone of Society As Christians Teach….)

So this married guy who has two or three kids writes to advice columnist Ann Landers or Dear Abby or whatever saying he and his wife get into weekly or monthly arguments.

He wants to be able to go on weekly outings overnight with his male buddies with no wife and no kids, for extended poker games or whatever.

He wants to take two wife-less and two kid-less week long trips per year. This has has wife hopping mad.

You have conservative Christians constantly bleating how “family is the backbone of culture,” and how supposedly, marriage and parenthood automatically mature a person or bestow godliness on a person.

Obviously none of this nonsense is true, when you have grown men who are married with a kid or two who want to spend time away from the family, to run off and be with their beer- drinking, football watching, frat buddies. Give me a break.

This man obviously does not consider what he is doing – marriage and fatherhood – as being anything important to culture or society.

He does not care an iota if his family is a so-called “building block” of culture, as evangelicals, Reformed, fundamentalists, and Baptists so often say on their blogs, books, sermons, and television and radio shows.

He cares more about having his weekend, beer drinking, fun times escapades with his male buddies than he does in being a husband or daddy. So Christians can take their “looking down their nose” at childless adults and never-married adults and stick it where the sun don’t shine.

Here’s his letter.

Ask Amy: Dad demands monthly break from family

    By AMY DICKINSON

    Dear Amy:
    My wife and I have an ongoing dispute that threatens our family, which includes two young children, ages 2 and 5.

    I have a desire to visit my guy friends with overnight visits once a month and occasional longer trips with my brothers or guy friends about once every two years, to go skiing, camping, to the beach, etc.

    This seems to be too much for my wife, who makes a big stink. She feels I should only care about family and never leave her alone to take care of the kids.

    I’ve offered to have my mom watch the kids while I’m gone, but that’s not good enough. Also, I beg her to take similar trips with her friends or her sister while I watch the kids. She declines or says she can’t work it out.

    She has given in to my demands occasionally, but it is only after lengthy arguments.

    Do you think I am selfish or unjustified in my request?
    — Conflicted in South Carolina

    Dear Conflicted:
    The answer to your question is “yes” and “yes.” A monthly overnight with a biennial trip with the guys for a longer duration (conveniently unspecified) is too much.

    It might not be too much for some families, but it is too much for yours.

    I know this because you characterize this as a “demand” that threatens your family.

    Most mothers and fathers would love to take a fun overnight break from a 2- and 5-year-old 12 (sometimes 13) times a year, but building a family together requires that parents not have one foot out the door.

    You don’t mention wanting a monthly poker night after which you roll home in the wee hours.

    You need an overnight. When you make your demand, this is what your wife hears: “I don’t enjoy being a husband and father. I must escape our family as often as possible.”

    She is trying to control you because she is afraid you will flee for an overnight and simply keep on running.

    You and your wife need a night or two together away from the kids to reconnect as a couple and figure out a compromise that sounds less like a demand. You should plan this.

———————-
Related posts this blog:

(Link): Family as “The” Backbone of Society? – It’s Not In The Bible

(Link): Do Married Couples Slight Their Family Members as Well as Their Friends? / “Greedy Marriages”

(Link): How Can Conservatives and Christians Keep Teaching Family is Backbone of Society when there are so many dysfunctional or abusive familes

(Link): Misuse of Terms Such As “Traditional Families” by Christians – Re: Kirk Cameron, Homosexual Marriage, and the 2014 Grammys

(Link): The Term “Family Values” And Its Use By Christians – Vis A Vis story: Grandma Gives Teen Granddaughter a Vibrator

Power Point, Boring Churches, It’s all about Jesus, Church Quitters, No Community, Selfish Preachers, Churches As Stalkers / (Re: Why Some Drop Out of Church)

Power Point, Boring Churches, It’s all about Jesus, Church Quitters, No Community, Selfish Preachers, Churches As Stalkers / (Re: Why Some Drop Out of Church)

(Link): How Power Point is Ruining Higher Ed

That page has one slide with screen shots of various tweets by various college students complaining about their professor’s over use of Power Point, including:

    -Being a college professor would be easy. Read off a Power Point you made 10 years ago and give online quizzes with questions you googled.

    -College basically consist[s] of you spending thousands of dollars for a professor to point at a Power Point and read the bullets.

    -I hate when a professor makes class mandatory and reads straight from the Power Point instead of actually teaching… I can do that at home

There are many reasons I no longer attend church and am not eager to ever go to another one ever again, and that is one of the reasons.

Church is boring. (And it’s not personal; churches tend to be impersonal.)

I feel that is a perfectly legitimate criticism of church: church is boring.

I am not saying that from a bratty, entitled, immature, 10 year old kid mentality.

Do not misunderstand. I am not arguing that the only thing a person should look for is entertainment at church.

There are already too many churches today that try to draw in crowds by entertaining them with rock bands, coffee shops in the church building, and gimmicks, primarily the moronic “seeker friendly” churches. That is not what I am advocating.

I’ve read criticisms of the present church model that argue church as we know it today is not how it was when Christianity first began. The first churches were groups of Christians sitting around in someone’s home discussing God, singing hymns, sharing each other’s problems … everyone was invited to participate in those meetings.

A “church service” back at the start of the Christian faith did not consist of one guy at a podium reading verbatim from the Bible, or, in the case of seeker friendly churches, one guy at a podium spouting off personal anecdotes and funny one-liners and pep talk advice while the congregation (the captive audience) sat there in silence.

By the way: the “worship” part of evangelical / Baptist church services don’t uplift me. They consist of people looking straight ahead at a big screen with text on it that is very repetitive. Some people (though this is rare at Baptist churches), put their hands up and wave them around.

I have never felt moved during these music segments at church, and I abhor them. I wish churches would drop the music segments – at least the ones where the entire congregation is expected to participate.

The music sections where some lady or guy stands at front and sings while I sit and listen don’t bother me as much. I don’t like the parts where myself and everyone else is commanded to get on their feet and sing along to words on a big screen.

I am not against music in and of itself, I am saying it feels out of place during a church service. I’ve never felt closer to God during the music part. I don’t see how me mumbling a few simplistic lines from a song honors God.

If anything, the music bits make me feel MORE hollow and empty, because there is this expectation by other Christians that you’re supposed to feel all warm and fuzzy and so, so close to God during the music, or you’re supposed to be basking in the greatness of God, or whatever.

I look around in some churches I’ve been to during the music bits (including one large, non denominational, charismatic church) and see some people with eyes closed, arms uplifted, swaying back and forth. Those types look like they are really getting something from the music.

I hate the music segments. I’m always waiting for them to end the moment they start.

At any rate, church is boring and impersonal.

I am not a supporter of shallow sermons and a rock band – the gee whiz environment that is prevalent in 90% of American churches today. I am not arguing that the antidote to “boring church” is to inject more excitement via rock bands and more coffee shops.

At the same time, though, I have been to one or more earnest churches where the preacher basically reads straight from the Bible – and that is boring. I can do that at home.

I can read the Bible myself and sometimes do, even in the midst of my agnosticism and trying to figure out if I want to remain a Christian at all anymore. (I should explain I don’t read the Bible nearly as much as I used to. I only read very small portions now, every so often.)

I am literate. I am college educated. I can sit at home and read the Bible, I don’t need some guy at a podium on a Sunday morning reading 90% of the Bible to me.

Even the churches that make entertainment a basis bore me. I’ve been to a few Baptist churches, large ones, that have gigantic video monitors and rock bands, with a preacher making jokes and pop culture references in his sermons, and I was still bored out of my mind.

One of the reasons I get bored at church is that there is no “back and forth.” There is no room for me to participate. I am not able to enteract with the pastor or other people. (This is the opposite of my issue with music segments: I prefer to sit out of music performances at church. I hate participating in music at church – but I do want to participate in lessons.)

For those of you who say that is what Sunday School is for – no, that has not been my experience.

In most Sunday School classes I have visited, there is already a pre-planned curricula, a published workbook from “Lifeway” that the class’s Sun. Sch. teacher reads from, or uses as a guide.

It’s not that I object to some pre-planning. I am not saying that use of a guide or workbook is necessarily wrong. If you are a Sun Sch teacher who wants to come up with a plan or topic for the class to discuss beforehand, I am fine with that to a point.

What I don’t like is an hour-long Sunday School class that is 95% a teacher reading from a Life Way workbook, and not much more.

Continue reading “Power Point, Boring Churches, It’s all about Jesus, Church Quitters, No Community, Selfish Preachers, Churches As Stalkers / (Re: Why Some Drop Out of Church)”

Mature Christians Need to Stop Allowing the Under 30 Crowd to Direct the Entire State of Christian Affairs

Mature Christians Need to Stop Allowing the Under 30 Crowd to Direct the Entire State of Christian Affairs

I remember being in my twenties seeing articles appear in the paper about how Christians over 30 were freaked out or worried about Christians in their twenties and younger. I did not understand this mindset then (when I was a teen and in my twenties), and I don’t understand it now.

If you are someone reading this in 2014 who is currently under the age of 30, this blog post might piss you off. Welcome to the club, because I am already there now.

If you are in your twenties as you read this now (2014) and feel offended by it, please book mark this page, save it, and re-visit it when you are 40 or 50 years of age, and you will probably have a change of heart when you are older.

It’s hard to see and understand when you are under the age of 35, but once you’re past 35, you really start to notice what I’m writing about in this post.

I have written before about American Christianity’s fixation on youth, specifically, today’s “Millennials.”

I have a blog post where I was for a time keeping track of all the “Oh noes, the youth be leavin’ the church, how can we stop this travesty” type stories I kept coming across.

It’s located here:
(Link): (Ageism): Links about the never ending obsession with why the kids are bailing on church (one stop thread)

What just clicked in my mind today after glancing over a headline on a Christian news site, the headline being something like, “Must one believe in a six day creation account to be a biblical inerrantist?,” was this:

Christians are allowing much of the state of Christian affairs today to be dictated by people who are under the age of 30, especially those who are under the age of 25. And this is not good.

Interestingly, this stupidity falls equally across the aisle from liberal Christians to conservative ones. Both liberal and conservative Christians get their knickers in a bunch over what teeny-boppers and college kids think about the faith, the Bible, and Jesus.

Both liberals and conservatives are oh- so- concerned and oh- so- sensitive about what the kids think today.

While churches continue to heap finances and resources on marriage and married couples, they also spend a great deal of time, money, and energy routinely twisting their hands in agony over how to appeal to 21 year old kids.

Why?

Jesus said your duty is to share the Gospel with every one. I don’t remember Jesus saying to obsess over only one demographic, how to get only the 21- year- olds in a church building every week, or how to respond to their questions about the faith and their spiritual struggles.

Continue reading “Mature Christians Need to Stop Allowing the Under 30 Crowd to Direct the Entire State of Christian Affairs”

U.S. Churches Cancel Services for Football -( Superbowl )- People who are unchurched, dechurched, and preachers who say not attending church is a sin

U.S. Churches Cancel Services for Football – Superbowl – People who are unchurched, dechurched, and preachers who say not attending church is a sin

(Link): Sunday Services Canceled, Moved as Members Watched Super Bowl Instead

    Feb 3, 2014

A number of Sunday night services were moved or canceled this past weekend to accommodate members who wanted to watch the Super Bowl, after it presented a conflict with regular service times.

I discuss the football aspect of this topic farther below.

The verse from Hebrews (Heb 10: 25) about assembling together is not a commandment for Christians to gather weekly, or even monthly.

“Let us not…” is not to be interpreted as “Thus Saith the Lord, thou most certainly shall X, or be in sin.”

The verse from Hebrews about “assembling together” is merely saying that gathering together is beneficial for believers, for they can encourage one another when they meet. It is not laying down church attendance as a rule which Christians must keep.

The Hebrews passage does not even suggest that Christians should meet together for X hours on X day of the week or month.

Christians who insist church attendance, in a brick building every week, is mandated by God, are like the Judaizers mentioned in the New Testament: they are adding to the Gospel with their man made rule. They are like the Pharisees who are heaping more regulations and loads on people’s backs.

To go off on a slight tangent:
If you are someone who has quit going to church, if you have been hurt by a church and are still a Christian you may want to visit the following site (even if you were once Christian but are now doubting the faith like me, you may still find this site beneficial)

    (Link):

Church Exiters

    (which is a site also mentioned on another page I’ve linked to below)

(Link): Why Believers should not attend Church

    The command in Hebrews 10:25 (namely, to “exhort one another”) is also found in Hebrews 3:13, where it says we are to “exhort one another daily”.

If we claim to obey Hebrews 10:25 by “attending church” one day a week, do we also fulfill the command to exhort one another daily, when we see other believers only once a week?

…Are we really obeying the Biblical commands concerning exhortation, community, and mutual accountability by once a week watching the performance of a seminary-trained entertainer?

…Does the Bible say Believers must go to a physical church?

Churches commonly quote Acts 20:7 as a precedent for Church worship, but the whole impression of Acts 20:7 is rather that of a family meeting together in a home than of a modern congregation met in a church.

“Family” meaning a group of believers and friends.

Is it possible that we may have lost the sense of the congregation as a real family in God?

Psalm 22:22 is also quoted, and it is cited in Hebrews 2:12, as referring to Christ. How does Christ stand in the midst of his congregation and declare His Name? Only in certain buildings at certain times?

Matthew 18:20 spells doom for those who would so assert: “For where two or three are gathered together in my Name, there am I in the midst of them.”

His Presence with us is through the Comforter, the Holy Spirit (John 14:16-17), who fulfills Moses’ wish that we could all be prophets and not have to be dependent upon special priests to teach us (1 John 2:27). God’s Presence is not localized “in temples made with hands” (Acts 7:48; 17:24).

Our body is now the temple of God, and the Spirit of God dwells within us (1 Corinthians 3:9,16,17; 6:19-20, Ephesians 2:20-22), just like Jesus referred to his own body as a temple (Mark 14:58, John 2:19-21).

And as believers exercise dominion over the entire globe, Christ is correspondingly present (Matthew 28:18,20). (read the rest)

You don’t have to go to church weekly anymore than God demands you (if you are a male) to be circumcised, if you are an uncircumcised gentile believer.

The Bible does not lay down church attendance rules. If the Bible did insist on church attendance, one would think it would get down to the nitty gritty, brass tacks of, “You must meet X times per month for X hours,” but it does no such thing.

Continue reading “U.S. Churches Cancel Services for Football -( Superbowl )- People who are unchurched, dechurched, and preachers who say not attending church is a sin”

Weak Argument Against Celibacy / Virginity / Sexual Purity by the Anti Sexual Purity Gestapo – Sexual Compatibility or Incompatibility – (ie, Taking Human Beings For Test Spins – Humans As Sexual Commodities) (Part 2)

Weak Argument Against Celibacy / Virginity / Sexual Purity by the Anti Sexual Purity Gestapo – Sexual Compatibility or Incompatibility – (i.e., Taking Human Beings For Test Spins – Humans As Sexual Commodities) (Part 2)

(Part 2.)
————————–
I’m afraid that the Anti Virginity, Anti Celibacy, and Anti Sexual Purity Gestapo I see on post-evangelical, ex-Christian, liberal Christian, secular feminist, and atheist type blogs that love to chortle at Christians they perceive as being “hicks,” for pushing things like early marriage (and no, I do not agree with Early Marriage advocacy, though some of my reasons are different from those of liberals and atheists), assume that dating always includes sexual activity – but it does not (as I discuss in Part 1).

I also see the overused chest nut of “possible sexual incompatibility” as yet another reason for being against celibacy or virginity, raised in such discussions, by the ex Christians, atheists, liberal Christians, political liberals, and sometimes, secular feminists.

This is another reason some people feel casual sex with many people is okay, or why pre marital sex with your fiance is okay – you know, you (the thinking goes) need to take the person you are dating on a test run in the sack, and if the sex is awful, you should call off the wedding.

That has to be one of the most shallow, selfish, idiotic, anti-virginity and anti sexual purity teachings and thought processes I keep coming across.

If you marry someone, and they are horrible in bed, you:

    -Educate the person about what you like and prefer.
    If you are a lady married to a guy who is horrible at sex, tell the guy what you want in bed. Or show him; place his hands where you want his hands, etc.
    -See a marriage or sex counselor to get professional input about how to improve things in this area
    -Masturbate -satisfy yourself if your spouse isn’t doing it for you

I mean, there are options available if you marry a person and the sex is lackluster.

It’s not as though you must have pre-martial sex with a person to determine whether they are right for you sexually or not.

Additionally, treating partners like cars that you take on test drives, to see if they suit you and your preferences, is dehumanizing to them and to you.

We’re talking about human beings here – not cars, not objects to be used and discarded and sized up like merchandise.

It’s somewhat like old, perverted men who travel to Thailand and other hot beds of sex tourism I see on TV news reports, the ones who “shop” for children under the age of twelve to have sex with.

These girls are lined up, as though they and their bodies are no more valuable than shoes on a store shelf, and these perverted Western men pick from among them.

That is similar to how people who advocate “Test drive lovers before you marry one!” operate.

You, the Test Driver, are not much better than old perverts who shop for little children for their own sexual use and pleasure.

You’re not. You can bicker all day about, “But consensual! Two consenting adults! Consensual!!,” but you’re using the same “consumer” mindset thought processes as those who purchase children for sex. You’re shopping for sex.

You’re comparing one adult lover to another, as though they are commodities (which one pleases YOU, which one meets YOUR preferences), as the old perverts do when they look up and down a row of little girls who are for sale.

Another problem with the “take ’em for a test drive to see if they knock your socks off in bed” view:

Even if you have pre-marital sex with the guy, and he is super awesome great in the sack, and, so you think, “Hmm, okay, I can marry this guy.”

In five, ten, 30 years, the sex may change.

Continue reading “Weak Argument Against Celibacy / Virginity / Sexual Purity by the Anti Sexual Purity Gestapo – Sexual Compatibility or Incompatibility – (ie, Taking Human Beings For Test Spins – Humans As Sexual Commodities) (Part 2)”

Mothers Who Steal Handicapped Parking Spots from Disabled Woman and Act Rude When Confronted – Motherhood does not make women more loving, nurturing, godly, or mature

Mothers Who Steal Handicapped Parking Spots from Disabled Woman and Act Rude When Confronted – Motherhood does not make women more loving, nurturing, godly, or mature

(Link): Dear Amy Letter: “Disabled parker deserves her due”

Or,
“When women who are mothers act like total, entitled, bitches.”

This is another example that counters the well-worn conservative (and yes, I’m a conservative myself, but one who does not agree with the conservative tendency to worship motherhood) and Christian fables that motherhood makes women more nurturing, caring, godly, and selfless than women who are not mothers.

The letter:

    DEAR AMY:

    I have a myriad of health problems. The long and short of it is that I am often in pain and have difficulty walking, sitting and standing. That said, I do not use a wheelchair yet, and while I walk slowly, I don’t always limp.

    However, at my newborn’s day care center, none of this matters. There are only two handicap spaces, and they are almost always taken by healthy moms who resent being asked to move to other spaces for someone who “obviously isn’t disabled.”

    I try being polite, but some of the moms are incredibly rude. One even threatened me after I asked her to move her SUV. (She was parked across both spaces with the motor off and talking on the phone.)

    Honestly, I wouldn’t have asked if there were any spaces within range or even if they got in and out quickly. When there are no spaces in the lot, I have to park illegally in front of the building and block the moms who parked illegally to begin with. Guess who they think is the jerk in that scenario?

    I have asked the head of the center to please post a sign reminding parents that they shouldn’t take up the disabled spots but she won’t do it. I feel awful about causing trouble.

    Should I just suck up the pain and park far away, or in some cases, wait 10 minutes for a space? Finding another day care isn’t an option.
    — Disabled and Distressed

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Related posts, this blog:

(Link): Parenthood Does Not Make People More Loving Mature Godly Ethical Caring or Responsible (One Stop Thread)

(Link): Greedy, Entitled Mother Expects Her Childless Friend to Buy Daughter Computer, DVD Player, or Digital Tablet

(Link): Totally Obnoxious Parent: Childless Couple Who Donates to Childrens Charities Lambasted by Snotty Adult Sister for Not Showering Her Kids with Christmas Presents – Parents Who Discriminate Against the Childless or Childfree

(Link): Cultural Discrimination Against Childless and Childfree Women – and link to an editorial by a Childless Woman

(Link): Kid-Friendly Policies Don’t Help Singles – Work and Job Discrimination Against Singles Unmarried Childless Childfree

Christian Stereotypes About Female Sexuality : All Unmarried Women Are Supposedly Hyper Sexed Harlots – But All Married Ones are Supposedly Frigid or Totally Uninterested in Sex

Christian Stereotypes About Female Sexuality : All Unmarried Women Are Supposedly Hyper Sexed Harlots – But All Married Ones are Supposedly Frigid or Totally Uninterested in Sex

(The post ahead may contain some rough or crass language. It contains adult material of a sexy nature.)

I have alluded to these particular stereotypes in posts I made over a year ago in several different posts, but I feel this topic deserves its own post.

I am in my early forties now, and still a virgin. For many years, I waited for marriage to have sex.

I was waiting for the Christian spouse Christian culture said God would send me (if I prayed, waited, had faith, etc, all of which I did. I also tried dating sites). That “Mr Right” never showed.

During all this time, and even before, when I was a teenager, I couldn’t help but notice in sermons I saw on television, in Christian books, magazines, advice columns, and pamphlets, and now, these days, on blogs or podcasts I’ve seen or listened to, that Christians have some peculiar stereotypes about female sexuality.

Not that Non-Christian culture does not have its weird views about women and sex too, but as this post focuses on Christian views, I’d like to stick to that.

One topic I’ve discussed plenty on this blog is the old trope that men are visual and women are not. That simply is not true. Many women are visually oriented too. But I’m not here to blog about that in this post since I’ve blogged on it before.

–CHRISTIAN STEREOTYPE: SUPPOSEDLY ALL SINGLE CHRISTIAN WOMEN HAVE HUGE, UNCONTROLLABLE SEX DRIVES AND SLEEP AROUND A LOT–

Another cliche’ I’ve seen from Christians is that single Christian women are hyper sexed harlots who bang ten different men every night, and above all, (the rest of this stereotype goes), the Christian single woman’s highest agenda is to have affairs with married men.

Never mind those cliches and stereotypes about single women are not true, Christians love to think they are, and they like to promote such thinking in books, blogs, radio shows and sermons about women, marriage, sex, and dating. (This is especially true of evangelical, Reformed, Baptist, and Fundamentalist Christians.)

Ergo, Christian single and married men are regularly coached in books, blogs, radio shows, pod casts, sermons, and other Christian media, and usually by male preachers, but also by insecure Christian wives, to stay the hell away from single Christian women.

I am a single woman (I was engaged once, years ago). I’ve never had sex. I don’t find most married men attractive. I would never have an affair with a married man, even if I did find one attractive. I can and do control my sex drive. But none of these facts matter to most Christians.

I am still regarded with suspicion by many Christians, just for being single. I am still deemed a Sexual Threat by Christian Culture for being single and female and nothing more.

I find this Christian stereotype of Christian single women being promiscuous sluts, or as being potential ones ready to detonate instantly with any and every man, extremely offensive.

Of course, married Christians and Christian dating advice books do not come right out and slap the label “promiscuous slut” on Christian single women when discussing Christian single women, but it’s assumed to be so.

After all, Christian men are told if they stay in a car with a single, Christian woman, or are alone with her any where (at a coffee shop, restaurant, office, house, etc), that it will always lead to sex, or probably will lead to sex.

–CHRISTIAN STEREOTYPE and married christian man fantasy: SINGLE CHRISTIAN WOMEN SUPPOSEDLY WANT TO BOINK EVEN UGLY, FAT, OLD MARRIED MEN–

It is assumed in a lot of Christian teaching on dating, the genders, and marriage, that all Christian men want casual sex and cannot control themselves, and that all single, Christian women have no standards or ability to resist such men, or that they are sexually aggressive and will intentionally prey on men, especially married ones.

SIDE NOTE

    (I don’t know why married Christians assume that married men – especially middle aged to older, who are usually balding, out of shape, with beer guts, are such irresistible cat nip to un-married, Christian women.

I have higher physical specimen standards than that, thank you.

No, I don’t want to have sex with your 370 pound, hair- on- his- back, balding- on- the- head husband.

It’s insulting that married Christian culture or unattractive married men themselves assume attractive, single woman want to bed unattractive, married men.)

–CHRISTIAN STEREOTYPES CAN LEAD TO LOSS OF FELLOWSHIP AND FRIENDS FOR SINGLE, ADULT WOMEN–

One thing the stereotype of “all single women are sluts or potential sluts who will sleep with your husband” does is discourage Christian married couples, or single men, from so much as forming platonic friendships with single women.

What happens? Single Christian women often end up very lonely and alone.

Nobody invites single women out for movies, or over for home cooked dinners, or over for the holidays.

Christians go against the Bible’s teachings and refuse to provide fellowship equally for all – they give single women the cold shoulder.

–CHRISTIAN STEREOTYPE: ALL OR MOST MARRIED CHRISTIAN WOMEN HATE SEX AND REFUSE TO HAVE SEX WITH THEIR HUSBANDS–

At the same time we have this bizarre and incredibly demeaning stereotype by Christians about all single Christian women being floozies, there is another stereotype I see about married Christian women.

I have watched many sermons on Christian television over the years. I also have read Christian magazine articles and books, going back to my teen years.

In the past few years, I have read blogs and sites, including editorials or articles about “marriage, family and sexuality” on Christian sites. (And I’m talking about professional sites, by groups such as Probe Ministries, Focus on the Family, etc, not only little “Mom and Pop” blogs, like mine here.)

I have seen a pattern come up repeatedly since my youth and it continues in my adulthood, in Christian content:

many preachers, and Christian broadcast or published content, assume that married Christian women are frigid, they hate sex, are reluctant to have sex, and / or prefer emotional intimacy or non-sexual hobbies (such as knitting socks or potting house plants) to having sex with their spouses.

Continue reading “Christian Stereotypes About Female Sexuality : All Unmarried Women Are Supposedly Hyper Sexed Harlots – But All Married Ones are Supposedly Frigid or Totally Uninterested in Sex”

Greedy, Entitled Mother Expects Her Childless Friend to Buy Daughter Computer, DVD Player, or Digital Tablet

Greedy, Entitled Mother Expects Her Childless Friend to Buy Daughter Computer, DVD Player, or Digital Tablet

This is from “Miss Manners”:

    DEAR MISS MANNERS:
    My best friend e-mailed this Christmas wish list on behalf of her 12-year-old daughter to her friends (no family members):

    ‘’Greetings all. Zoe has asked me to e-mail you her Christmas list. We’re going to my parents’/grandmother’s for Christmas, so if you need the address to ship anything there, please let me know.”

    The list included a particular laptop, (flat screen) TV and DVD player, money/credit gift card, certain video games, a new bike (“she outgrew her old one”), gift cards (naming a number of stores), a tablet and so on.

    Then, “Look forward to talking to you all soon.”

    Am I wrong for feeling accosted? She is constantly sending out appeals for money or gifts. I wouldn’t have minded a wish list that was actually reasonable, but my friend constantly makes remarks like, “You don’t have any children, so you should have plenty of disposable income.”

    How do I respond? Normally, I would ignore it, but I feel like this is just too egregious and something needs to be said because her e-mails/requests become more outrageous with each round.

Part of me almost wishes I had a friend like this, so the moment they try this on me, I can call them on the phone, say, “Hey I got your e mail” and then proceed to laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh before slamming the phone down, and maybe later sending her an email asking her to buy me a porsche, mansion, and a trip to Paris, France.

Unfreaking believable how incredibly snotty and entitled some parents are, especially towards the childless and childfree.