Quiz: Science Finds Most Men Misread Whether A Woman is Sexually Interested. Do You? by M. Tabb

Quiz: Science Finds Most Men Misread Whether A Woman is Sexually Interested. Do You? by M. Tabb

For kicks and giggles, I took this quiz (link to it way below), even though I am a woman.

I got five out of six correct, and the one I missed, I missed by one degree – I rated the woman in the photo as being “sort of” interested, but she was either one step above or below that, I forget which.

But, I didn’t totally confuse one for the other – in other words, the woman in the photo WAS sending body language indicating she was flirting, her body language and facial expression was not saying she was not flirting.

It seems that the results of this study show that most men get it totally wrong one way or the other, not degrees.

I read about a study similar to this one many years ago, in a 1990s copy of “Reader’s Digest.” That study said most men misinterpret a woman’s non-romantic, non-flirty, non-sexual gestures (such as blowing her nose or whatever) as being a flirtation, when it’s anything but.

I honestly feel a lot of you men have huge egos, and the culture coddles you in this – the culture encourages all men, no matter how ugly, dumb, and dumpy to think all women are “into” them or SHOULD be. It’s so sexist and revolting.

I’ve had many men in my past who mistook my platonic “hello there, how are you” as flirtation. It’s so incredibly annoying.

(Link): Quiz: Science finds most men misread whether a woman is sexually interested. Do you?

Is she interested? That’s the question scientists (Link): just asked a bunch of men.

Researchers at the University of Iowa had men look at photos of women and rate their perceived sexual interest on a scale of -10 (extremely rejecting) to 10 (extremely interested).

Continue reading “Quiz: Science Finds Most Men Misread Whether A Woman is Sexually Interested. Do You? by M. Tabb”

Model Says Fiancé Dumped Her Days Before Wedding After Cancer Made her Gain Weight by James Somper

Model Says Fiancé Dumped Her Days Before Wedding After Cancer Made her Gain Weight by James Somper

According to one site I visited, Five stone converts to 70 pounds.

(Link): Model claims fiancé dumped her days before wedding after cancer made her gain five stone

Emily Nicholson, 24, from York, ballooned five dress sizes in six weeks due to the steroids she was taking to fight the disease and claims ex Jamie Smith called off the wedding over Facebook – and still went on his stag do

A model claims her fiancé dumped her days before their wedding after medication for her terminal brain tumour caused her to gain five stone.

Continue reading “Model Says Fiancé Dumped Her Days Before Wedding After Cancer Made her Gain Weight by James Somper”

Dear Advice Lady: My Boyfriend is a Fattie and I Feel Like His Mom

Dear Advice Lady: My Boyfriend is a Fattie and I Feel Like His Mom

About the letter below that some woman in a troubled relationship wrote to an advice columnist:

I just love how so many men fool themselves into thinking that women don’t care about what men look like – because we do.

This is ten times more true in Christian culture, especially within churches and denominations that teach that sexist, idiotic “complementarianism” drivel, where the pastors will browbeat the women to stay thin and pretty because supposedly all men are visually “wired by God”
(note: no, they’re not; men are socially conditioned by culture, including Playboy magazine, on what to find attractive in women),
so Christians guilt and pressure Christian women into starving themselves and being obsessed with their looks.

Continue reading “Dear Advice Lady: My Boyfriend is a Fattie and I Feel Like His Mom”

Wife Who Was Body Shamed For Having a ‘Handsome’ Husband Responds to Trolls

Wife Who Was Body Shamed For Having a ‘Handsome’ Husband Responds to Trolls

(Link): Wife Who Was Body Shamed For Having a ‘Handsome’ Husband Responds to Trolls

by Greg Evans, March 2018

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder”goes the old saying but for some people, beauty is dependent on how hot your husband is.

At least that’s what one person tried to tell wedding photographer and entrepreneur Jenna Kutcher on Instagram.

Jenna has shared several images of herself and her husband Drew taking romantic strolls on an exotic beach in Hawaii.

Jenna who describes herself as “curvy” often receives a lot of positive messages on her pictures which regularly rack up thousands of likes.

However, her figure has been a source of criticism as of late with one direct message dared to question how she managed to land a husband who is as handsome and as chiselled as Drew.

Continue reading “Wife Who Was Body Shamed For Having a ‘Handsome’ Husband Responds to Trolls”

Woman Tests Men on Dating Site By Switching Out Her Dating Site Photos Of Herself When She was 100 Pounds Heavier

Woman Tests Men on Dating Sites By Switching Out Her Dating Site Photos Of Herself When She was 100 Pounds Heavier

(Link): Woman Tests Men on Dating Sites By Switching Out Her Dating Site Photos Of Herself When She was 100 Pounds Heavier

…YouTuber Crystal Adame, 20, who goes by Crystal Breeze, carried out an experiment on the dating app to find out whether her matches would still be interested in her if she wasn’t thin – and the results are surprising.

Crystal, who lost 100lb last year after starting an extreme weight loss plan, now receives a lot of attention online for her looks.

But the vlogger was curious whether the same men would be interested in her if she had never lost the weight – so she experimented.

Continue reading “Woman Tests Men on Dating Site By Switching Out Her Dating Site Photos Of Herself When She was 100 Pounds Heavier”

Mother of Obnoxious Single Guy Who Was Condescending to Single Woman Puts Her Son In His Place

This is from a European paper, hence the use of “Mum” rather than “Mom.”

This story appeared a few days ago, in a different article.

A guy was connected with a single woman named Samantha on a dating site and sent her all sorts of condescending advice. For example, he told her on the dating app that if she just lost some weight that he might be interested in dating her.

The young lady said his behavior hurt her feelings, and she ended up blocking him.

His mother found out what her son did, and she replied.

(Link): Mum shares home truths about ’10 out of 10′ son who shamed woman on dating app

Excerpts:

Michael Blanchard, 24, was talking to Samantha Drain, 23, on the dating app Bumble, when he crossed more than a few lines.

The self-confessed ’10 out of 10’ called the dance teacher from Kent a ‘5 or 6 out of 10’ and sent her a photo of another woman to taunt her.

Continue reading “Mother of Obnoxious Single Guy Who Was Condescending to Single Woman Puts Her Son In His Place”

Dear Abby: As Boyfriend Loses Hair, I Lose Interest

Dear Abby: As Boyfriend Loses Hair, I Lose Interest

Secular culture would have you believe that men care about looks in women, while women supposedly only care about money or emotional support from a man, and to that I say: FALSE.

Christians, specifically, Christian gender complementarians, ratchet this up to really emphasize the point.

I’ve heard or seen so many male Christian complementarians (and occasionally, a few women complementarians) hype up this supposed idea that God created men to be “visual,” so they will shame and badger women to stay skinny, diet, exercise, and wear make-up all the time.

The truth is, women are every bit as “visual” as men are. Most hetero women dig a hot, sexy man every bit as much as some hetero men appreciate a hot, sexy woman.

However, complementarians will seldom lecture or advise men to lose weight, go to the gym and work out, or get a toupee if they’re balding.

I think the differences is that most women are willing to cut men slack where as the reverse is not true.

I mean, a woman may prefer a hot, studly looking man, but, if you’re tubby, bald, or sort of ugly she might still be willing to date you if you bring “something else to the table” – such as a lot of money, a steady income, a great sense of humor, intelligence, dependability, or what have you.

I think most women are more wiling to take trade-offs in the “looks” and sex appeal department than most men are.

Other than that, most of both sexes prefer people who are easy on the eyes, but this sexist, irritating stereotype that only men care about looks and only women care about romance (or emotions) persists.

Here is an example of a woman who is turned off by her male partner’s baldness:

(Link): Dear Abby: As Boyfriend Loses Hair, I Lose Interest

DEAR ABBY:
My physical attraction to my boyfriend has significantly diminished due to his baldness.

I know this may seem shallow, but I have lost all interest in intimate contact with him.

Continue reading “Dear Abby: As Boyfriend Loses Hair, I Lose Interest”

Penis Enhancement Surgery Results In Death For The First Time Ever

Penis Enhancement Surgery Results In Death For The First Time Ever

(Link): Penis Enhancement Surgery Results In Death For The First Time Ever

by Cara Sprunk

…A description of the case in the Journal of Forensic Sciences explained that surgeons had finished the elongation portion of the surgery [on the man] and were in the enlargement part, which involved injecting the patient with two fluid ounces of his own fat cells, when things went wrong.

The fat leaked into his veins and traveled to his lungs, which resulted in a lung embolism, rupturing his blood vessels. The patient, who was found to have no prior heart conditions, ended up having a heart attack on the operating table. Despite attempts from doctors to perform CPR, the man passed away two hours later.

….A 2017 scientific review in Translational Andrology and Urologyshowed that “the majority of men seeking penile elongation treatment have a normal penile size, which is functionally adequate.”


Related Posts:

(Link): Wife Accidentally Bites Off Her Husband’s Testicle

(Link): Guy So Depressed Over Being Single He Cut Off His Own Penis (article)

(Link):  London firefighters: Don’t put your penis in a toaster

(Link): Penis Amputated After Man, 66, Overdoses On Viagra ‘To Impress New Girlfriend’

(Link):   Couple Fall To Death Having Sex Against Window

25 Women Reveal Their Biggest Dating Profile Dealbreakers

25 Women Reveal Their Biggest Dating Profile Dealbreakers

It seems to me that most of the real-life examples listed below are by 20-something singles.

I would hope to god that nobody over the age of 35 is behaving in the manner that some of these women are describing.  Though I personally have seen men on dating sites, age 40 and up, guilty of a few of these (below this list, I’ll paste in and comment about a few of the over age 35 morons I ran into on dating sites).

(Link): 25 Women Reveal Their Biggest Dating Profile Dealbreakers

Excerpts:

….In a recent AskReddit thread, women shared examples of the biggest dating profile dealbreakers that they’ve come across, and their responses are super enlightening for anyone who’s nervous that their bio is scaring off potential matches.

But remember: even the most seasoned online dating vets make mistakes and experience rejection sometimes, so there’s no point in beating yourself up over a failed relationship attempt.

All you can do is make sure you’re putting your best virtual foot forward, and wait patiently until you meet someone you really connect with.

Here are 25 examples of things some women don’t want to see in dating profiles.

….Gross Sexual Usernames

Having usernames like “big dick” or “likes to lick”

Badmouthing Your Exes

If your entire profile is a rant about how much you loathe your ex, we’re going to assume you’re not really over them.

Insulting Women on the Site

Anything that insults women or implies they see themselves as the majority of women on there. That might be the case (doubtful) but just don’t swipe away if you’re not interested.

“Where are the nice girls on here”

“Duck faces and posers need not apply”

“Sick of girls on here who aren’t genuine”

On a similar note, insulting your potential matches by making assumptions about them (as if all women on dating apps are the same) is a huge red flag.

Laying Out All Your Baggage

“I’m not trying to get hurt anymore. Seems like all the good guys get treated like shit. My last girlfriend was cheating on me so I’m a little insecure right now. Please don’t be one of these fake girls who’s just gonna hurt me and fuck my friends behind my back.”

Uhhhhhhh, your baggage is way too heavy. I can just picture getting back to back text messages round the clock if I don’t respond immediately and getting called out of my name if I want to go out with friends

Continue reading “25 Women Reveal Their Biggest Dating Profile Dealbreakers”

The Hottest Body Part? For a Sapiosexual, It’s the Brain

The Hottest Body Part? For a Sapiosexual, It’s the Brain

(Link): The Hottest Body Part? For a Sapiosexual, It’s the Brain

In a society obsessed with physical appearance, sexual attraction for some people is based on intellect, and not necessarily on looks.

This Woman Took Photos of 100 Penises and Learned Quite a Bit About Them in the Process by L. Beck

This Woman Took Photos of 100 Penises and Learned Quite a Bit About Them in the Process by L. Beck

(Link): This Woman Took Photos of 100 Penises and Learned Quite a Bit About Them in the Process

Photographer Laura Dodsworth has put together a book of photos of all different sorts of penises — long ones, short ones, skinny ones, fat ones, old ones, young ones, and every other sort of penis you can ~dream~ up.

The book is called Manhood,….

Continue reading “This Woman Took Photos of 100 Penises and Learned Quite a Bit About Them in the Process by L. Beck”

A New Experiment Regarding Dating Sites Found that Personality Always Trumps Attractiveness by Q. Fottrell

A 2017 Experiment Regarding Dating Sites Found that Personality Always Trumps Attractiveness

I can believe it, which is why although I’m picky about looks in guys, I will still give a less than stellar looking guy a chance if he has some other quality that off-sets “meh” looks, like he treats me really nice, or has a great sense of humor.

I’m afraid that 99% of American men have yet to figure this out, though – if you go through life judging women based mostly on their looks (you’re unwilling to date anything less than a stick figure Victoria Secret’s model who must be under the age of 30), as most men do, you’re either going to die a lonely, single man, or, you’re going to end up with a very pretty yet very snobbish, catty, or money grubbing bitch for a wife, and you’ll end up divorced eventually.

(Link): A new laboratory experiment found that personality always trumps attractiveness

Excerpts:

…The results [of the experiment]? After rating their conversation partners for attractiveness, social attractiveness, fun, humor and charisma, the dates with the best personalities had the biggest bump post-meeting in their overall attractiveness as potential partners.

Continue reading “A New Experiment Regarding Dating Sites Found that Personality Always Trumps Attractiveness by Q. Fottrell”

Obnoxious, Below- Average- Looking Dude Explains Why He Won’t Date “Hot Women” Any More

Obnoxious, Below- Average- Looking Dude Explains Why He Won’t Date “Hot Women” Any More

I almost forgot to post about this. I saw this story go through my Twitter feed a few days ago, and from there, a lot of people on other sites mocked this guy for his arrogant demeanor.

In all seriousness, the guy quoted is not that good-looking. In my opinion, he’s a little on the homely-looking side, but he seems to feel he’s a real hottie and that hot women find him hot.

I find it amusing that some of the people in this article (men and women) describe themselves as “nines or tens” but they look like “fives” to me (there are photos of some of the people interviewed on the page).

(Link): Obnoxious, Below- Average- Looking Dude Explains Why He Won’t Date “Hot Women” Any More

Excerpts:

When it came to dating in New York as a 30-something executive in private equity, Dan Rochkind had no problem snagging the city’s most beautiful women.

“I could have [anyone] I wanted,” says Rochkind, now 40 and an Upper East Sider with a muscular build and a full head of hair. “I met some nice people, but realistically I went for the hottest girl you could find.”

He spent the better part of his 30s going on up to three dates a week, courting 20-something blond models, but eventually realized that dating the prettiest young things had its drawbacks — he found them flighty, selfish and vapid.

Continue reading “Obnoxious, Below- Average- Looking Dude Explains Why He Won’t Date “Hot Women” Any More”

A Song for All the Male ‘Ones’ (the Fat, Balding, Sexist, and/or Ugly Guys) Who Rate Women on Scales of One To Ten

A Song for All the Male ‘Ones’ (the Fat, Balding, Sexist, and/or Ugly Guys) Who Rate Women on Scales of One To Ten

I present to you the song “Numbers,” recorded by Bobby Bare some time in the 1970s or 1980s.

For all the male idiots out there who think they can and should rate what women look like on scales of 1 to 10.

This song is Doubly applicable to males who are fat, balding, and/or look like they fell out of the Ugly Tree and hit every branch on the way down ~AND~ who think they deserve to date or marry women who look like movie stars or models.

This is so for you, chump.

(Link): Song Lyrics – via AZ Lyrics

(Link): Song Lyrics – via Metro Lyrics

(Link): Song on You Tube

The video / song embedded here:


Related Posts:

(Link):   Dudes, Stop Putting Women in the Girlfriendzone

(Link):  Pickup Artists’ Rape Survivor: ‘I Had to Do My Part to Break the Cycle’

(Link): Why Nice Guys Don’t Get Picked by Women (podcast)

(Link):  Romantic Comedies: When Stalking Has a Happy Ending (from The Atlantic) / Men Who Mistake Platonic Friendliness For Flirting – So Annoying 

(Link):  Love-Sick Teenager Who Won’t Take No For an Answer is Finally Shut Down by his Ex-Girlfriend’s FATHER in an Epic Text Exchange – Men of All Ages Need To Learn to Handle Rejection and to Respect Other People’s Boundaries in Dating

(Link): Nice Guys: Scourge of the Single Woman

(Link):  Nice Guys Aren’t So Nice After All: Men in the “Friend Zone” Often Have A Hidden Agenda, Say Psychologists (Daily Mail article)

(Link):  The Worst Things a Man Can Say in His Online Dating Profile by S. Farris

(Link): ‘It’s Not Me, It’s You’: A Loser’s Guide to Dealing with Rejection by The Guyliner

(Link): Nice Guys – the bitter single men who complain women don’t like nice men

(Link): Follow up: BITTER GUY Replies to ‘It’s Okay To Call A Guy Creepy (article) / Little Sympathy for Ugly Single Guys’

(Link): Women Do Care About Male Looks but Don’t Go For Penis Photos

(Link):  Creepy, wrong, immature and pathetic: older men chasing after much younger women

(Link): Men Become ‘Invisible’ And Lose Sex Appeal At 39 – Article from Daily Caller

(Link):   Why Don’t Some Men Realize A Relationship Is Over Until It’s Too Late? by N. Reilly

(Link):  How Sorry Do We Feel for the Lonesome Single Bachelors of New York? by T. Moore (never married men in their 40s talk about being tired of being single)

Death, Grief, Marriage, Single Again, Soul Sleep, Christianity, Obnoxious Male Fixation on Female Looks

Death, Grief, Marriage, Single Again, Soul Sleep, Christianity, Obnoxious Male Fixation on Female Looks

I have several topics I’d like to address here. I’m going to discuss death, grief, dating, how men are too fixated on women’s looks, etc, and so on, all in the same post.

I learned from watching the Christian program “It is Written” today (Feb 2017) that the wife of Christian TV host Mike Tucker, Gayle, died. I’m not sure when the episode was first filmed or first aired.

You can read a transcript of that episode, “From Grief To Hope” (Link, off site): here.

You might be able to watch that very episode or one like it here: (Link, off site): Coping with Grief.

I see from an online obit that Gayle Tucker passed away in April 2016.

I am sorry for his loss.

I lost my mother, and it hurt a lot.

(Link, off site):  Gayle Tucker, Beloved Marriage Counselor on Faith For Today TV, Dead at 60

April 2016 –  The prominent Adventist television personality dies after a brief struggle with pancreatic cancer.

(Link, off site):   Beloved Christian TV Host, Couples’ Counselor Dead at 60

I learned a few years ago that the hosts and backers of “It Is Written” are SDAs (Seventh Day Adventists).

I also learned from a glance over google search results that Mike Tucker is a Seventh Day Adventist.

Part of SDA theology is something called “Soul Sleep,” a view that I totally disagree with and find discouraging and cruel.

Continue reading “Death, Grief, Marriage, Single Again, Soul Sleep, Christianity, Obnoxious Male Fixation on Female Looks”

The Ugly, Unfair Truth About Looking Beautiful by W. Leith

The Ugly, Unfair Truth About Looking Beautiful By William Leith

(Link): The Ugly, Unfair Truth About Looking Beautiful

Why, after decades of feminism, do we seem to demand that women in the public eye be extraordinarily beautiful but their male counterparts can get away with being ordinary?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The art critic John Berger famously said that, in our culture, “men act and women appear”. He didn’t mean that women didn’t actually do anything, or that men never looked pretty. His point was that this was how men and women were depicted.

Men were supposed to be effective, and women were supposed to be attractive. He was right. And it was a travesty. But that was in 1972; it was a long time ago.

Or was it? Four decades of feminism later I am reading the comedian Angela Barnes’ blog. “I am ugly, and I am proud,” she writes. She goes on to say: “The fact is I don’t see people in magazines who look like me. I don’t see people like me playing the romantic lead or having a romantic life.”

At the top of the blog is a picture of Barnes. And the thing is, she isn’t ugly. Neither is she beautiful. She’s normal looking. She’s somewhere in the middle of the spectrum, just like lots of women you see every day in real life.

It made me think of this year’s Wimbledon ladies’ final between Sabine Lisicki and Marion Bartoli. When Bartoli won, the BBC commentator John Inverdale infamously said, “Do you think Bartoli’s dad told her when she was little, ‘You’re never going to be a looker, you’re never going to be a Sharapova, so you have to be scrappy and fight’?”

Continue reading “The Ugly, Unfair Truth About Looking Beautiful by W. Leith”

Ask Amy: Wife Says She Is Turned Off By Husband’s Fat Body and Muffin Top

Ask Amy: Wife Says She Is Turned Off By Husband’s Fat Body and Muffin Top

I am publishing this to disprove one or two common stereotypes among conservative Christians: that women are not interested in sex, and women are not “visually oriented.”

Here we have an example of a woman who is sexually turned off by the sight of her husband’s obese body and muffin top. Women do in fact pay attention to what men look like and DO CARE about what men look like, though I’d have to say women are a lot less strict and picky about the looks.

Women might be willing to date a “so-so” looking man, so long as he compensates in other areas, like, he treats her really well, or he has a great sense of humor.

But women do notice and care about what men look like, and women can and do get turned off by flabby male bodies, receding hairlines, and so on.

Letter to Ask Amy advice columnist (Sept 2016):

Dear Amy:

How do I tell the man in my life that his huge muffin top is a turn off for me? He is more than plump, Amy, he is obese.

He blames his diabetes on the fact that he cannot satisfy me sexually, but I maintain that it is his obesity that is the reason he has diabetes.

I do not want to insult him or cause him any embarrassment, but I need to get across to him that he has to lose at least 30 to 40 pounds. Even his daughter gives him grief about his weight.

Please tell me how to talk to him without hurting his feelings.

— Diabetes


Related Posts:

(Link): Dear Advice Lady: My Boyfriend is a Fattie and I Feel Like His Mom

The Worst Things a Man Can Say in His Online Dating Profile by S. Farris

The Worst Things a Man Can Say in His Online Dating Profile by S. Farris

I would also add to the list on the page I am linking to:

Hetero Men who are seeking women on dating sites and apps: do not send women unsolicited penis photos; do not have anything mentioning sex on your profile, and do not mention (or joke about) sex in any of your “must have” lists on dating sites or any part of your profile.

I don’t care if you are totally into sex and think sex is mucho importante in a relationship, any mention of sex (even if you think it’s funny to put vulgar jokes on your profile) is a turn-off (and / or creepy) to most women.

You wait until you have been dating a person for awhile to bring sex up, and even then, you should be TASTEFUL about it, not crass or perverted or weird.

(Link): The Worst Things a Man Can Say in His Online Dating Profile

Excerpts:

  • They show up for dates looking nothing like their pictures. They tell long, rambling stories about their “psycho exes” or spend the entirety of the evening talking about their material possessions.
  • Men who date online never fail to surprise the women they meet, but they seem to be blissfully ignorant of the fact that they’re scaring people off.
  • With men now (Link): drastically outnumbering women on many dating apps, can guys afford to offend the few female users they might attract?
  •  

    Working with April Masini, a New York City-based relationship expert and psychotherapist, we analyzed responses from women who are currently active on the online dating scene.

  • Masini regularly offers dating advice to people of both genders through her website (Link): AskApril.com. She reviewed the lines women hate to see most on online dating profiles and gave her advice on how men can better phrase them.
  • 1. “No drama.”
  • By the time people join online dating sites, they’ve often had a wealth of experiences that include breakups, job transitions, and possibly even parenthood.

Continue reading “The Worst Things a Man Can Say in His Online Dating Profile by S. Farris”

Weird, Sexist PreOccupation with Female Physical Appearance, Including Christian Males – vis a vis Preacher Doug Wilson

Weird, Sexist PreOccupation with Female Physical Appearance, Including Christian Males – vis a vis  Preacher Doug Wilson

I have blogged on this subject before, or something very similar to it, the weird and worn preoccupation with Christian men with women’s looks and sexuality. Of course, Non Christian men can be just as bad about this and sometimes are.

One of the reasons I am writing this blog post is due to this recent post at Christianity Today:

-But more on that specific post farther below.

There was recently a story in the media about two or three weeks ago about a woman on a site, Linked In, which is a site for professionals to network. This woman received a response from a much-older man on that site who told her how attractive she was in her Linked In site photo.

When this woman wrote him back and told him how sexist and inappropriate his message was, and this story somehow made its way into the public eye, this woman started getting screamed at and criticized by other parties online.

Her story resulted in editorials such as this:

(Link): LinkedIn Is Not a Dating Site (from August or Sept 2015)

  • The case against your dad’s favorite social-media platform being used to “connect” with younger women

The reason I have a difficult time taking articles like the following seriously…

Is precisely because of stuff like this is still taking place:

(Link): LinkedIn Is Not a Dating Site

  • The case against your dad’s favorite social-media platform being used to “connect” with younger women

If we were REALLY living in a society where men were terrified of being accused of sexual harassment by women (especially in the workplace), would we still find men using professional work sites such as Linked In to tell women they don’t even know how gosh-durn sexy – purty they are? No, I think not.

Men are still acting in a sexist and inappropriate fashion towards women, even on professional job-based web sites. Ergo, men cannot be all that afraid of being smacked with sexual harassment labels or lawsuits as the other article is claiming.

That article once more:

Excerpt from that page:

  • Tellingly, Elsesse [female author] adds that companies themselves are contributing to this mess, as they are now so terrified of legal action they send staff on sexual harassment training courses, and are duty-bound to follow up on any allegation, however minor.Ludicrously, Elsesser cites examples of men who have been dragged in by their HR departments for simply opening a door for a female colleague or complimenting her on a new suit. “Stories like these spread around workplaces, instilling a fear that innocent remarks will be misinterpreted,” she says.

Why would a male co-worker find it necessary to tell a female co-worker that her suit is snazzy? Why not instead tell her what a killer job she did on Tuesday’s staff meeting presentation?

You know, praise the woman’s brains, skills, accomplishments or job performance – instead of her appearance?

I am not a left winger, nor am I a secular feminist. I am right wing.

Any time a woman complains about getting a comment about her physical appearance from a man, even if it is a positive comment, my fellow right wingers will howl in protest. They cannot fathom how or why any woman would find getting compliments on her looks to be derogatory, demeaning, unwanted, or annoying.

You are thought to be overly sensitive, or a woman’s studies major who never shaves her arm pits, or a bra-burning, man hating harpy, if you object to a man telling you in any way, shape or form, that you are pretty or sexy.

My fellow right wingers chalk up any female dissent on receiving compliments on looks from a man as being from a left wing, frothing at the mouth, man-hating feminist.

Reminder: I am a right winger who disagrees with secular left wing feminists over 90% (or more) of the time on 90-95% of topics, but on this one, they are totally correct: as a socially conservative, right wing woman, I find it insulting when men call attention to my looks – even in a personal capacity, let alone a professional one.

I don’t like guys on the internet telling me I am hot, sexy, or pretty (which they have done on sites where I have used photos of myself and my real name, and this is not even on dating sites), nor do I enjoy men I don’t know in stores or streets cat-calling me or making comments about my appearance.

Hell, I grew to resent my ex fiance’s continual ‘You are so beautiful’ comment to be tiresome. I asked him several times to stop commenting on my looks, and that if he wanted to praise me, to do so based on some other quality, like my achievements at my job, my sense of humor – anything but my looks.

But the moron would never do it. It made me feel as though he only valued me for my looks, not my personality or anything else I brought to the table (well, he did love my bank account).

In my particular case, I was an ugly duckling as a kid -by some people’s standards- when I was a pre-teen. I was picked on.

I eventually slimmed down, got contact lenses, started wearing mascara, and boom, the male gender suddenly changed their minds about me. I really don’t like being judged or valued primarily or solely upon my physical appearance, but this has happened repeatedly from my teen years into my adult years.

Men don’t get this, they do not comprehend it. They don’t seem to care to know what it feels like to be accepted or rejected based on their looks alone (or primarily), yet this happens to women from the time we are girls and only grows worse as we get to our pre-teen and teen years and older.

It’s very frustrating and dehumanizing to be evaluated only on your physical appearance. Not to have people notice your intellect, your wit, your talents, your skills, to be appreciated for YOU, for who you are, not for what you look like.

One of the things I find annoying about the usual right wing, anti-feminist come-back to women who object to receiving comments from men about their looks is that such women should chill out and learn to appreciate a compliment.

One of the objections I have to that position: it assumes I need or want male validation and at that, for my appearance, and in a job setting.

However, I do not need or want a man’s validation about my physical appearance, especially not in a work-related context.

Continue reading “Weird, Sexist PreOccupation with Female Physical Appearance, Including Christian Males – vis a vis Preacher Doug Wilson”

“I’m Not Attracted to My Husband Anymore” – Christian advice column. I guess Christian married sex isn’t all it’s said to be by Christians

“I’m Not Attracted to My Husband Anymore” – Christian advice column. I guess Christian married sex isn’t all it’s said to be by Christians 

Christians often promise in their sexual purity literature, or sermons or speeches for teen and adult singles, that if singles save their virginity until marriage, that married sex will be great. It will be spectacular. It is implied also that married sex will be regular.

But then, you will occasionally see articles or editorials, like the one I’m posting here, to a page on Christianity Today by Dr. Slattery, where a Christian will belie this Christian propaganda by discussing sexual problems (or other types of problems) that occur in Christian marriages.

(Link):  “I’m Not Attracted to My Husband Anymore” by Dr. Juli Slattery

Excerpt:

  • But women also ask about seemingly less perilous obstacles to intimacy, and this is one of them. How can you be sexually intimate with a man you are no longer attracted to? Is it possible to have a great sex life when there is no chemistry?
    — end excerpt —

Now there is something that is never (that I can recall) seeing in all my years of reading Christian literature about sexual purity, or listening to any sermons that mention the topic.

It’s always just assumed that if you stay a virgin until marriage, you will have no problems what-so-ever in the sex department.

But lo and behold if some Christian women do in fact look at their husband and find his balding head, beer gut, or bad hygiene, or whatever, total sexual turn-offs.

Yet another reason I find this admission interesting – that the doctor who wrote this advice column for a Christian publication is admitting that Christian women confide in her that they are no longer sexually and physically attracted to their husbands – is that much of conservative Christian teaching and biases about women, sex, dating, marriage, and all the rest, frequently assume that women (at least married ones) have no interest in sex, and that neither single nor married women care about what men look like.

Continue reading ““I’m Not Attracted to My Husband Anymore” – Christian advice column. I guess Christian married sex isn’t all it’s said to be by Christians”