Dear Advice Lady: My Boyfriend is a Fattie and I Feel Like His Mom

Dear Advice Lady: My Boyfriend is a Fattie and I Feel Like His Mom

About the letter below that some woman in a troubled relationship wrote to an advice columnist:

I just love how so many men fool themselves into thinking that women don’t care about what men look like – because we do.

This is ten times more true in Christian culture, especially within churches and denominations that teach that sexist, idiotic “complementarianism” drivel, where the pastors will browbeat the women to stay thin and pretty because supposedly all men are visually “wired by God”
(note: no, they’re not; men are socially conditioned by culture, including Playboy magazine, on what to find attractive in women),
so Christians guilt and pressure Christian women into starving themselves and being obsessed with their looks.

Continue reading “Dear Advice Lady: My Boyfriend is a Fattie and I Feel Like His Mom”

Ask Amy: Wife Says She Is Turned Off By Husband’s Fat Body and Muffin Top

Ask Amy: Wife Says She Is Turned Off By Husband’s Fat Body and Muffin Top

I am publishing this to disprove one or two common stereotypes among conservative Christians: that women are not interested in sex, and women are not “visually oriented.”

Here we have an example of a woman who is sexually turned off by the sight of her husband’s obese body and muffin top. Women do in fact pay attention to what men look like and DO CARE about what men look like, though I’d have to say women are a lot less strict and picky about the looks.

Women might be willing to date a “so-so” looking man, so long as he compensates in other areas, like, he treats her really well, or he has a great sense of humor.

But women do notice and care about what men look like, and women can and do get turned off by flabby male bodies, receding hairlines, and so on.

Letter to Ask Amy advice columnist (Sept 2016):

Dear Amy:

How do I tell the man in my life that his huge muffin top is a turn off for me? He is more than plump, Amy, he is obese.

He blames his diabetes on the fact that he cannot satisfy me sexually, but I maintain that it is his obesity that is the reason he has diabetes.

I do not want to insult him or cause him any embarrassment, but I need to get across to him that he has to lose at least 30 to 40 pounds. Even his daughter gives him grief about his weight.

Please tell me how to talk to him without hurting his feelings.

— Diabetes


Related Posts:

(Link): Dear Advice Lady: My Boyfriend is a Fattie and I Feel Like His Mom

Hollywood Men: It’s No Longer About Your Acting, It’s About Your Abs (article about how male actors are now valued for being eye candy)

Hollywood Men: It’s No Longer About Your Acting, It’s About Your Abs

If society is not going to stop being so judgmental against women in regards to their physical appearance, I am happy to see that the same pressure is being applied to males now.

This actually is a trend that is several years old. Several years ago, I started seeing more and more articles about how men are being judged almost as harshly as women are in regards to looks, age, and weight.

More males are going in for cosmetic surgery, and not just on their faces, but they are doing things like getting “pec implants.” More and more males are developing eating disorders at younger and younger ages.

(Link): Hollywood Men: It’s No Longer About Your Acting, It’s About Your Abs

    But what’s really interesting is the fact that for decades in the entertainment industry, women were the ones expected to be the eye candy. Years and years and years of young, thin but curvy starlets draped over leading men. Somehow, though we’ve made progress in terms of using ladies for window dressing, instead of arriving in a place where it’s less about aesthetics, it’s men who are being held to new, unrealistic standards. Hill says that recently, “a major production was pushed back several weeks when the star told producers he needed more time before he could go shirtless.”

(Link): Building a Bigger Action Hero

    By Logan Hill May 2014
    A mere six-pack doesn’t cut it in Hollywood anymore. Today’s male stars need 5 percent body fat, massive pecs, and the much-coveted inguinal crease – regardless of what it takes to get there.
    ——————————
    Acting skill – even paired with leading-man looks and undeniable charisma – is not enough to get you cast in a big-budget spy thriller or a Marvel Comics franchise.

    For much of Hollywood history, only women’s bodies were objectified to such absurd degrees. Now objectification makes no gender distinctions: Male actors’ bare asses are more likely to be shot in sex scenes; their vacation guts and poolside man boobs are as likely to command a sneering full-page photo in a celebrity weekly’s worst-bodies feature, or go viral as a source of Web ridicule.

    A sharply defined inguinal crease – the twin ligaments hovering above the hips that point toward a man’s junk – is as coveted as double-D cleavage.

    Muscle matters more than ever, as comic-book franchises swallow up the box office, in the increasingly critical global market. (Hot bodies and explosions don’t need subtitles.)

    Thor-like biceps and Captain America pecs are simply a job requirement; even “serious” actors who never aspired to mega-stardom are being told they need a global franchise to prove their bankability and land Oscar-caliber parts.

    …To get that hungry look, trainers stress calorie-conscious diets and exercises that pump up fat-burning metabolism. No actor can gain 10 pounds of muscle in a six-week period, but he can lean down to reveal the muscle underneath.

    Continue reading “Hollywood Men: It’s No Longer About Your Acting, It’s About Your Abs (article about how male actors are now valued for being eye candy)”

Testosterone-Deficient Gamma Male Whines About the ‘Friend Zone’ (post from The Other McCain) – AKA, Ugly, Fat, Weird, Awkward, or Poor Nice Guys Who Unrealistically Expect to Attract Rich, Pretty, Thin, Socially Normal Women

Testosterone-Deficient Gamma Male Whines About the ‘Friend Zone’ (post from The Other McCain)

I have blogged on this before: Men who complain they cannot get girlfriends and yet, they say, they are so darn “nice.”

I’ve also noticed, like the author of The Other McCain blog, that quite often, many men are unrealistic about women, or the kind of women they can hope to attract:

A fat, ugly, stupid, impoverished man, who is a “one” or “two” on a scale of desirability of 1 to 10 (with one being loser and ten being a winner), will keep seeking out women to date who are above a “5.”

Such men will go after 9’s and 10’s, even.

Such entitled ugly, stupid, and poor men do not seem to realize they are doomed to live life alone unless they lower their expectations.

If you are a 46 year old, 500 pound, bald, toothless man, guess what? A woman who is 24 years old, with big boobs, a tiny waist, and of super model good looks, is NOT going to sleep with you, date you, or marry you.

Accept the reality and start seeking out women on YOUR LEVEL: other 46 year olds who are chunky and missing teeth. Then and only then you might start hitting it off with the ladies.

Here’s the post:
(Link): Testosterone-Deficient Gamma Male Whines About the ‘Friend Zone’ (post from The Other McCain)

    Chris Tognotti offers a lesson in Darwinian selection by the obverse example of

How to Fail:
Why Don’t Women Like Me Back?

(Link): Being the Guy Who’s Just a Friend (Why Don’t Women Like Me Back? On Always Being the Guy Who’s Just a Friend)

Excerpts -McCain starts off quoting Tognotti:

    Hello. My name is Christopher Tognotti, and I’m no good with women.

This is a slight generalization, perhaps, but that’s how it feels.

Whether I’ve been bright-eyed or gloomy, fat or slender, young(er) or old(er), the ladies have never seemed to love me quite as much as I love them. My days as a fit gym employee involved no more fulfilled loves than my days now as a portly writer.

Let me lay it on the line: At nearly 28 years old, I’ve never been in a proper relationship. Even further — I’ve never actually been on a date with anyone I felt a real flare of passion for.

McCain’s comments:

    OK, here’s your first big clue: Tognotti’s complaint is not that he gets zero action, but rather that he can’t get any action from girls he actually finds attractive.

His problem, therefore, is that he imagines himself entitled to be with good-looking women, rather than being forced to make do with the ordinary-looking women who are actually interested in him.

Continue reading “Testosterone-Deficient Gamma Male Whines About the ‘Friend Zone’ (post from The Other McCain) – AKA, Ugly, Fat, Weird, Awkward, or Poor Nice Guys Who Unrealistically Expect to Attract Rich, Pretty, Thin, Socially Normal Women”

Women Hating Sites / Men’s Rights Sites Such as Moronic “Save The Males”

Women Hating Sites / Men’s Rights Sites Such as Moronic “Save The Males”

In a previous post, a reader asked me to check out and comment on the site “Save the Males.”

Here is in part how she described that site and some of the views on the site:

    [Writers on the Save the Males site are] …. always talking down to women about how their position is at home with a husband and baby and specially the last article telling women to snatch a husband while in college.

    This women is pushing the one sided idea that if a women wants to get married all she needs to do is snap her fingers and the guy will instantly agree to tie the knot, when the truth is far from this.

    I will say it again most college guys will laugh at your face say if are thinking about marriage. They are focused on their career and or partying and see women as casual hooks or someone to avoid.

Here was my response to the reader that I was going to leave as a reply but decided to put into a post of its own:

Nothing has changed. I was a college student in the 1990s, and it was the same in the 1990s as it is now with the 20 something males.

By the way, you are not going to be in your 20s forever. You will turn 30, then eventually 40, and you will grow to deeply resent how the culture and churches fawn all over 20 somethings and cater to their every concern while ignoring yours.

If you are a single woman past age 35, you rarely will get any articles, editorials, or advice about being single.

Most preachers (and many secular authors) tailor all their singleness sermons, blogs, and books, and articles to a 20 something audience. People are very ageist in this regard.

If you think being single is bad now, just wait until you reach age 35, 40, and older and are still single – it gets 100 times worse, in several regards. (In some ways, it gets a little better, but that is another topic for another time.)

Also, it’s not just men in their 20s who are like what you were describing in your comments.

A lot of older men, men ages 30, 40, and up, are also reluctant to marry.

Continue reading “Women Hating Sites / Men’s Rights Sites Such as Moronic “Save The Males””

Beauty Redefined Site Discusses Modesty: Modest Is Hottest?

Beauty Redefined Site Discusses Modesty: Modest Is Hottest?

I do agree with much of what this blog post says (the following is from ‘Beauty Redefined’):

(Link): Modest Is Hottest? The Revealing Truth

    Women and girls are more than just bodies. But you wouldn’t know that if you looked to media, or even sometimes well-meaning religious* rhetoric, for the truth about females.

    And you wouldn’t know that if you listened to the way so many of us discuss the topic of appropriate dress, or “modesty,” today.

    We are growing up and growing older surrounded by profit-driven media’s fixation on bodies – from “Perfect Your Parts, Perfect Your Life!” billboards to always-Photoshopped magazines and TV obsessed with judging what women wear and how much cellulite they have.

    In an inescapable media world that pans up and down women’s bodies and focuses so much attention on their parts, no wonder girls learn to display their bodies as something to be looked at.

    No wonder girls learn to survey their bodies at all times, and in all things they are wearing, and in all places they are going.

    Today in many circles, issues of female “modesty” are very popular.

    From many religions’ focus on appropriate dress to schools having rules on how high above the knee girls’ shorts can and can’t be or how much bare shoulder is too much – modesty is a trending topic. (For LDS audiences, we now have a modesty lesson plan here).

    Fashion boutiques have crazy names like “Sexy Modest” and “Modest is Hottest!” is a popular phrase endorsing full-coverage clothing.

    While reasons for suggesting modesty vary greatly, we at Beauty Redefined can attest that far too much emphasis is being placed on arbitrary standards that are harming females from a very young age and keeping us fixated on females as bodies alone.

    If you’re pro-modesty (by whatever definition that means to you), then live it and teach it as a means for empowerment and benefit to yourself, not as a service or protection for men.

    …. Many discussions of modesty, from diverse cultural or religious perspectives, revolve around the idea of keeping sinful and unholy female bodies and body parts from the gaze of others — particularly men.

    This privileges the male gaze, in a backward sort of way, and puts females at a disadvantage for being the ones in control of what others think or feel when seeing their bodies.

    When we speak of modesty strictly in terms of covering our bodies from the sexual gaze of others, we are keeping the level of discourse at the shallow waters of women and girls as bodies alone.

    We have very little control of what other people think when they look at us.

    Even in cultures where women are required to or choose to cover up a great deal, there is still an incredibly high incidence of rape and sexual violence. Covering up has no bearing on men’s ability to control themselves.

    If we are teaching the girls in our lives that the primary objective of modesty is to keep themselves covered so boys and men don’t think sexual thoughts about them, then we are teaching girls they are responsible for other peoples’ thoughts and they are primarily sexual objects in need of covering.

    No girl or woman’s body is sinful, and no one should be taught that. Modesty, as an ideal, can be about so much more than shaming females into covering up.

    Modesty, as an ideal, can be about so much more than shaming females into covering up.

    …. We complicate it even further when we throw in phrases like, “modest is hottest,” which again teaches that girls should dress modestly for the benefit and approval of others, and not for themselves.

    Modesty can be a powerful concept when we believe we are more than bodies. And when you believe that you are capable of more than looking hot, then you might dress differently than someone who perceives her value comes from her appearance, or the amount of attention she gets from men.

    … If you believe your power comes from your words, your unique contributions, your mind, your service, then you don’t need to seek attention and power by emphasizing your [body] parts and minimizing yourself to your body.

    …. We see why suggestions regarding the length of hemlines and the depth of necklines are important, because we live in a sexual world where even the youngest of girls are sexualized to an extreme degree and they are told their “sexiness” will bring them popularity, love, and happiness.

    Studies show girls as young as 6 years old are sexualizing themselves because media messages show them being sexy yields rewards (a July 2012 study in Sex Roles reveals the latest). As we‘ve written about before, even girls’ TOYS and cartoon characters are sexualized to the extreme these days.

    But when we fixate on the inches showing we are missing the point.

    When we judge girls and women for the skin they are or are not showing, we are minimizing them to their bodies and repeating the same lies that females are only bodies in need of judgment and fixing.

    We are even perpetuating the shame-inducing belief that female bodies are sinful and impure, and must be covered to protect boys and men who can’t be held responsible for their thoughts or actions.

    ….. Modesty is defined differently by different cultures – even different families – and it’s time to stop shaming people into covering themselves and start teaching truths that need shouted from the rooftop: We are more than just bodies to be looked at.

((( click here to read the rest )))
——————————-
Related posts this blog:

(Link): Modesty: A Female-Only Virtue? – Christian Double Standards – Hypocrisy

(Link): The Annoying, Weird, Sexist Preoccupation by Christian Males with Female Looks and Sexuality

(Link): A Grown-Up, Not Sexed-Up, View of Womanhood (article) – how Christian teachings on gender and singlehood contribute to raunch culture and fornication etc

(Link): Gender Complementarian Product for Females: Don’t Base Your Value on Your Looks, but Wait, Yes, You Should

(Link): Atlantic: “The case for abandoning the myth that ‘women aren’t visual.’”

(Link): Ryan Gosling and Shirtless, Buff Cowboy Photos on Social Media – Yes, Women Are Visually Stimulated and Visually Oriented (Part 2)

(Link): Funny Satirical Piece: Woman Mocks Demands for Female Modesty By Shaming Males (and their judgy Mothers) For Being Immodest

Strange Show Called “Sex Sent Me To the E.R.” – episode about 440 Pound Virgin

Strange Show Called “Sex Sent Me To the E.R.” – episode about 440 Pound Virgin

I was looking at the TV Guide trying to find something to watch, and I saw this show listed (I’ve never seen it before):

Sex Sent Me to the E.R.

    More about the showSeason 1 Episode 1
    A 440-pound virgin sends his girlfriend through a wall; a bandleader collapses in the middle of a peak performance; a broken penis.

It’s on the TLC channel.

I’m watching the show now. The doctor is interviewing the guy with a broken penis.

Now the show has moved on from Broken Penis Guy to Fat Guy.

It appears to be kinda a reality show and kinda not.

At least one guy they’re interviewing is thin now, but he’s talking about when he was a 440 pound virgin. They then show a flashback of a 440 guy. So I’m assuming that some re-enactment is going on here.

Okay, they are now back to discussing Broken Penis Guy and are on a commercial break. I don’t plan on watching anymore of this show. You can watch clips of it here, if you want:

(Link): Sex Sent Me To the E.R.

Specifically:
(Link): The 440 Pound Virgin Guy
————————————————–
Related posts (yes, I’ve been doing this blog long enough now I have other examples of dangerous sex):

(Link): Guy So Depressed Over Being Single He Cut Off His Own Penis (article)

(Link): Couple Fall To Death Having Sex Against Window

(Link): Slut Shaming and Virgin Shaming and Secular and Christian Culture – Dirty Water / Used Chewing Gum and the CDC’s Warnings – I guess the CDC is a bunch of slut shamers ?

Married Men — Not Women — Are Fatter Than Their Singleton Counterparts

Married Men — Not Women — Are Fatter Than Their Singleton Counterparts

(Link): Married Men — Not Women — Are Fatter Than Their Singleton Counterparts

    by KELLY DICKERSON
    Jan 15, 2014

    It’s an old wives tale that women “let themselves go” after marriage, a new study suggests. It’s actually married men who are larger than their single counterparts.

    Many studies point to the health and psychological benefits of marriage, but the new study published in the journal Families, Systems, & Health on Jan. 13 suggests that marriage may not be as great as it seems health-wise — at least not for men.

    The scientists used data from Project EAT that monitored the diet, physical activity, and weight status of about 2,300 young adults in the Midwest. About 35% of the total sample were single or casually dating, 42% were in a committed relationship, and 23% were married.

    The results suggest that married men were 25% more likely to be overweight or obese than single men or men in committed relationship. The scientists defined overweight as people having a body mass index over 25.

    In the image below the first column of numbers shows the percent of men who are overweight and the last column shows the percent of women who are overweight. You can see that the married men column have the highest rate of obesity at 58.5%.

    [(Link): View Image]

    One of the most surprising results from the study is that married women were much more likely to regularly eat breakfast. They were 47% more likely to eat breakfast at least five times per week than single women or women in a committed relationship.

    ….The scientists found that relationship status made little difference in other health behaviors like eating lots of fruits and vegetables, eating less fast food, and exercising. Next they hope to examine how the quality of the relationship affects the health behaviors of the couple.

—————-
Related posts this blog:

(Link): Do Married Couples Slight Their Family Members as Well as Their Friends? / “Greedy Marriages”

(Link): ‘Why Are You Single’ Lists That Do Not Pathologize Singles by Bella DePaulo

(Link): More Anti Singleness Bias From Al Mohler – Despite the Bible Says It Is Better Not To Marry

(Link): Singles, Never Married People Endure Bias, Marrieds Get Favored Treatment

(Link): Why Marriage Is Good for Your Health — Until You Get Sick (copy)

(Link): Study: Couples Without Children Have Happier Marriages / Study: Having Kids Ruins Your Life

(Link): American Christian Divorce Rates Vs Atheists and Other Groups – throws a pall over Christian Fairy Tale Teachings about Marriage

This Unsuspecting Model Unknowingly Became the Face of Sex With ‘Old, Obese Men’

This Unsuspecting Model Unknowingly Became the Face of Sex With ‘Old, Obese Men’

(Link): This Unsuspecting Model Unknowingly Became the Face of Sex With ‘Old, Obese Men’

    When stock modeling goes horribly wrong.

    By Laura Stampler
    Nov. 06, 2013

    It’s hard out there for a stock photo model.

    Innocuous photos of ladies cavorting with salads or literally banging their heads against walls provide prime Internet fodder. But this week, one particular stock model gained social media fame after her photo appeared next to the following Guardian headline:

    “I Fantasize About Group Sex With Old, Obese Men”

    Approaching it with a good sense of humor, the Guardian tracked down the model, Samantha Ovens, to clarify no, “I do NOT like sex with old, obese men.”

    Ovens, 38, posed for the photo in a “Colds and Illness” shoot, not a fantasy gone wrong session.

    “I opened it up when I was with some friends,” Ovens told the Guardian. “In fact, I was with my partner’s mum as well. I screeched with laughter and said: ‘Oh. You have to see this.’ There’s me looking very anxious, and I bloody well would be, wouldn’t I?”

    She’s content with her female partner and isn’t in the market for portly geriatrics.

Tubby Lardo Preacher John Hagee has Colbert on His Show AGAIN to Discuss Dieting

Tubby Lardo Preacher John Hagee has Colbert on His Show AGAIN to Discuss Diets, Food, Dieting

I’m not sure if this is a new broadcast or a repeat of one he filmed a few years ago, but San Antonio based TV preacher John Hagee is interviewing a doctor named Colbert asking his advice on eating healthy and dieting on his program today.

Hagee is probably 90, 100, or more pounds overweight. LOLOLOLOLOL. And he’s doing a show about diet, dieting, weight, etc, LOLOLOLOL.

He’s asked the doctor when the most common times of day are for people to get hunger pangs or cravings. Doc said some people eat ice cream right before bed. I’m watching this while noticing that Hagee’s stomach is hanging out a bit above or over his waist area / belt. 😆

The doctor giving the information, Colbert, is thin, but Hagee most certainly is not. 😆

Now they have cut to an in-show commercial hyping some prophecy Bible Hagee is hawking.

Hagee is on wife number two – some sources I read said he had an extra marital affair on his first wife. His mistress is the woman he’s married to now, yet, I’ve heard him rant against divorce from his pulpit a time or two. LOLOLOLOLOL.

I have discussed this hypocrisy and buffoonery before (one of his fans attempted to defend him in the comments section, puh-leeze):

(Link): Hysterical: Hagee Gives Sermon on Fasting

Other Hagee stuff on my blog:

(Link): Preacher John Hagee’s Insensitive “GET OVER IT” Sermon – Christians remain ignorant and insensitive to those who suffer tragedy, pain, or mental health problems

(Link): John Hagee Believes in, Teaches Conditional Security (which is a false teaching)

Hagee’s son Matt, who also preaches at the same church:

(Link): ‘God’s Purpose for Women,’ by Matthew Hagee – Hagee Teaches that Single Unmarried Women Do Not Have a Purpose in Life God has no purpose for singles

John Hagee was friends with singer Randy Travis:

(Link): Singer Randy Travis Arrested – Nude, Making Threats to Cops

Men Also Worried About Being Really, Really Ridiculously Good Looking (article)

Men Also Worried About Being Really, Really Ridiculously Good Looking

Farther below: links to articles at Jezebel, Daily Mail, etc

Now, I know if you are a conservative Christian man, you think your looks don’t matter to women, not only because secular culture tends to let men off the hook in the physical appearance department, but because you never, ever heard your male preacher tell the males in the audience to get off their flabby asses and work out at the gym to look physically attractive.

Oh no, my friend, the male preachers reserve that kind of commentary in their sermons, pamphlets, radio shows, and blogs for single female women, and sometimes for the married women.

Then you hear your preacher tell you during marital sermons that all women care about is emotional intimacy and cooking recipes in crock pots and other girly pursuits.

Women – at least the married ones – you are told, in many a sermon or books and blogs about dating and marriage by Christians, are depicted as being completely uninterested in sex or in what a man looks like.

You may also hear your pastor man tell the wimmin folk to look for a “godly” man to marry, one who will be a ‘spiritual leader’ in the home and in marriage.

So, you think, as long as you are a pious guy, carry a Bible around, love Jesus, that it’s fine and dandy if you are going bald, and you assume you can continue eating Doritos, pizza, and deep fried foods day in and day out, until you become overweight, because you will still attract a 5 foot five inch tall, big breasted, small waisted, 120 pound Megan Fox movie star look-alike.

She will, you assume, based on all the Christian sermons you’ve ever heard on gender and marriage, overlook the disgusting, flabby, limp arms, the big beer gut, the ghastly pale chicken legs, and fall head over heels in lust and love with you.

No, no my Christian male pal, she will not.

Put down the beer, the fried chicken, and go to the gym, and go there regularly. Go to the dentist and get some work done if your teeth are gross.

Get some Rogaine. Maybe visit a tanning booth once in awhile.

Women are not attracted to uglies or fatties any more than men are.

I am a single woman, and yes, I am comparing you to the likes of buff, built, full- head- of- hair Hugh Jackman (as he looks now, in photos like (Link): this one, or try this link). Oh yes I am.

Here is another article about male physical appearance.

(Link): Men Also Worried About Being Really, Really Ridiculously Good Looking

    According to a survey of 1502 men by British menswear company Jacamo, twenty percent of men are anxious they’ll feel fat in a bathing suit, and one fifth of men go on a diet before vacation. Men, they really are just like us! Unfortunately!

    Naturally, the survey found that slightly older men were more comfortable with their bodies — those 55 and over were the most comfortable (forty-four percent vs. twenty-eight percent of 16- to 24-year-olds). If you have ever had a father who believes that a speedo is appropriate pool party wear, those numbers feel very possible.

    Obviously, men feeling bad about exposing flesh is crap, because every body is a beach body, and it sucks for anyone to feel insecure about it. Wear whatever you want whenever you want and then shake nature’s bounty all over this great planet of ours. Done and done.

(Link): Do men now worry more than women about feeling fat on the beach? 20 per cent feel self-conscious about their body on holiday

  • 10% of men spend more getting ‘beach ready’ than on actual holiday

    20% spend £300 on training and treatments; average man spend £112

    Preparations often start two months before jetting off
    14% of men more body-conscious than their partners

  • By MARTHA DE LACEY
    PUBLISHED: 06:51 EST, 7 October 2013 | UPDATED: 06:51 EST, 7 October 2013

    It’s not just the girls who feel self-conscious about stripping down to their bikinis on holiday, worried about flabby bits, wobbly bits and crinkly bits: men feel nervous about baring all in front of the beach-bound public, too.

    In fact, 20 per cent of the boys are anxious about feeling fat in their trunks, and one in 10 are nervous about baring (nearly) everything in public.

    As a result, men are spending more money and time than ever getting ‘beach-ready’ before they jet off; one in 10 are spending more on pre-break treatments and training than on their actual holiday.

    And nine per cent even admit having cancelled or simply avoiding holidays because of concerns about the way they look.

    The average man is spending out £112 on training and treatments, according to the survey by menswear retailer, Jacamo, with 12 per cent spending £300 and starting preparations two months before they jet off.

    And 14 per cent – more than one in eight – now spend longer on getting their body ready for the beach than their female partner.

    One fifth of men surveyed put themselves on a strict pre-holiday diet, and one in 20 even pop into their local tanning shop to ensure they have a bit of pre-break base colour. More common is getting a trim: 60 per cent visit the barbers before turning on their out-of-office.

    Choosing the right wardrobe is another essential. One in ten men asked said they had spent more than £200 on holiday clothes, with most men splashing out £108 on new gear.

    Quizzed about the reasons behind the new trend for beach body planning and spending, men say they are just as self-conscious as women when it comes to baring all, and many feel nervous about stripping down even if they have been working out.

    More than half of men who took part said they spent time training and having treatments to make sure they could be confident on the beach and enjoy their trip, while a quarter were planning ahead to avoid embarrassing their partner.
    And despite usually having the best figures, it seems that the younger generation are actually the most insecure.

    The survey of 1502 men found those aged 55 and over were the most comfortable with their beach body (44 per cent were happy in swimwear), compared to just 28 per cent of 16- to 24-year-olds.

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Related posts at this blog:

(Link): Superman, Man Candy -and- Christian Women Are Visual And Enjoy Looking At Built, Hot, Sexy Men

(Link): Christian Males Blaming their Unwanted Protracted Singleness on Feminism – They have the wrong target

(Link): Atlantic: “The case for abandoning the myth that ‘women aren’t visual.’”

(Link): Women Are Visually Oriented Too – Reminder 1

(Link): New study: Average American man is ugly and fat – And yes, men, you should panic because American women DO judge you based on your looks

(Link): Women Are Visual And Like Hot Looking Men (Part 1) Joseph in Genesis Was A Stud Muffin

(Link): The Annoying, Weird, Sexist Preoccupation by Christian Males with Female Looks and Sexuality

(Link): Article: Scientists: Why penis size does matter [to women]

(Link): Married Women Engage in Sexual Sin – and most men in denial particularly Christian conservatives

(Link): More ‘Men Are Visual’ Baloney, Discussed at Another Blog

(Link):Conservative Christian Sexist Immature Imbecilic Pressure on Women to Look Pretty and Skinny and to Put Out Sexually

Interesting Links Re Christianity and Gender Roles (A.K.A. Church and Christian Approved Sexism)

Interesting Links Re Christianity and Gender Roles (AKA Church and Christian Approved Sexism)

This is a very good editorial:
(Link): Feminism vs Egalitarianism

(Link): Friday Challenge: Guess The Year [‘How Feminine Am I’ sexist and out-dated check list used by Baptist churches] – Stuff Fundies Like blog

Next link. Regarding the nutso Quiverfull-ish, Doug Phillips, Vision Forusm-ish sexist beliefs of treating women like unthinking chattel and keeping them at home with their fathers, even if they don’t marry into adulthood:

(Link): Sleeping Beauty and the Five Questions, Part 1: Blurring the Lines (TBB) – from Scarlet Letters blog

Excerpts

    My main concern, however, with the vision of SAHD [Stay At Home Daughters] laid out in [Phillips’ version of] Sleeping Beauty is that it seems to progressively break down healthy boundaries in father-daughter relationships.

    … In Sleeping Beauty, however, it becomes clear that “helpmeet” is only one example of a more extensive terminology shift. Fathers are said to “court” and “woo” their daughters and ultimately “win their hearts.”

(Link): Dan Kirby Kopp, 45, was found guilty of beating his wife with a spoon [for not addressing him as “sir” and other stupid crap]

    The video shows Kopp showing her [his wife] the spoon and giving her a ‘count of three to comply’ with his demand of addressing him with a ‘yes, sir’ in front of the couple’s children.

    He is also heard threatening to ‘cast the demons out of her’ next time she disobeyed him.

(Link): “A Year of Biblical Womanhood” Genre Cheat Sheet Rachel Held Evans’ blog

I don’t agree with what appears to be that blog’s rejection of biblical sexual ethics, or disregard for people who have remained virgins into adulthood, in favor of sugarcoating biblical sexual teachings so as to soothe the consciences of women who say they feel shamed or get hurt hearing that pre-marital sex is sinful according to the Bible, but I do agree with the blog’s disdain for biblical gender complementarianism.

Guest comments at that page (and I agree with these comments):

    My favourite is their “committee” page [the writer may be referring to the gender complementarian group CBMW] where each women’s career is labelled “homemaker” and then proceeds to list all the conferences she will be attending for the next 12 months – I added up one of the women’s ‘away’ dates and figured the only way she could be a ‘homemaker’ was if she lived in a motor home.

And:

    Christina Steve Dawson • 7 hours ago −

    I suspect this is true. Otherwise they would have noticed years ago the irony of women building careers in which they travel, write, and speak, all for the purpose of convincing other women not to have careers.

And

    Rachel Held Evans Mod Christina • 7 hours ago −

    Oh my gosh! This DRIVES ME CRAZY! I went to this “biblical womanhood” conference a couple years ago where many of the attendees were professional women with careers. And the speaker – a professional woman herself – proceeded to dis on feminism as an anti-biblical worldview…starting with second wave feminism and using Mary Tyler Moore as an example of a first step away from biblical womanhood. It was so confusing

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Related posts this blog

(Link): Christian Culture and Daddy Daughter Dates

New study: Average American man is ugly and fat – And yes, men, you should panic because American women DO judge you based on your looks

New study: Average American man is ugly and fat – And yes, men, you should panic because American women DO judge you based on your looks contrary to what Christian propaganda tells you

The following page has several computer generated images of what this study says the typical American man looks like. The study says the average American male is getting shorter and fatter.

As to most American women, we prefer Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome with a buff body and full head of hair…

Contrary to you all who sit in pews every week where your male preacher and Christian dating advice blogs tells you “only men are visually stimulated and women don’t care about looks or sex, they only care about emotional stuff.”

Christian preachers and dating advice gurus need to be lecturing the single males if they want a date or a wife, they better get off their flabby, lard butts and start running, and watch the carbs and calories.

Christian women will NOT be attracted to you solely on your bank account or “spiritual walk” or great sense of humor.

(Link): This Is the Average Man’s Body

    Graphic renderings of modern males

    by J Hamblin
    Oct 2013

    Click here to View computer generated image of “Todd” who represents the average American male

    Todd is the most typical of American men. His proportions are based on averages from CDC anthropometric data. As a U.S. male age 30 to 39, his body mass index (BMI) is 29; just one shy of the medical definition of obese. At five-feet-nine-inches tall, his waist is 39 inches.

    Don’t let the hyperrealistic toes fool you; Todd is an avatar. I gave Todd his name, and gave his life a narrative arc, but he is actually the child of graphic artist Nickolay Lamm as part of his Body Measurement Project.

    Todd would prefer perfection—or at least something superlative, even if it’s bad—to being average. But Todd is perfect only in being average. With this perfection comes the privilege of radical singularity, which is visible in his eyes.

    Though in his face this reads lonesome, Todd does have three international guyfriends. They met at a convention for people with perfectly average bodies, where each won the award for most average body in their respective country: U.S., Japan, Netherlands, and France. The others’ BMIs, based on data from each country’s national health centers, are 23.7, 25.2, and 25.6.

    I named them all Todd, actually, even though it could be confusing, because not everyone’s name is a testament to their cultural heritage.

    [omit computer generated images of average males from USA and various other nations]

    Most people look better from their left, but Lamm rendered the Todds from their right, just because he can. To these men, Nickolay is God.

    Avatars of various ethnicities are important, because obesity depends on culture and genetics. The weight of every person’s destiny is equal, but some countries are fat, and others are not. The World Health Organization cares about that, because understanding the differences should help to explicate causes.

    So does history. Fifty years ago, American Todd would not have been round. The trend is not unique to men, either; Lamm just chose to work with white male renderings. The same CDC data puts the female BMI in this age group at 28.7.

    [omit chart]

    Americans are also losing ground in height. For most of two centuries, until 60 years ago, the U.S. population was the tallest in the world. Now the average American man is three inches shorter than the Dutch man, who averages six feet. Japanese averages are also gaining on Americans’. Anthropologists tie these recent changes primarily to diet and lifestyle, as we’ve turned habitable wilderness into excess.

    Continue reading “New study: Average American man is ugly and fat – And yes, men, you should panic because American women DO judge you based on your looks”

Real Every Day, Average Men Ain’t All That Attractive – and yes, male looks matter to Christian women / Ageism and Desirablity

Real Men Ain’t All That Attractive – and yes, male looks matter to Christian women

I love how sexist pig men, including Christian ones, assume that lookism (and even ageism) is one-sided.

That is, men believe it’s okay or normal for men to choose or reject women based on that woman’s age or looks alone, or they assume that a woman’s looks fade as soon as she hits 35, or 40, which is not the case.

What many of them continue to overlook is that a lot of women also engage in lookism (and ageism) against men.

By the way, age 40 women do NOT want to date “older men,” yet I see women ages 25 and up, but in particular the 40 somethings, often complaining on sites how only dudes age 60 and older contact them on dating sites.

Same thing has happened to me, though I also get contacted by 20s, 30s aged males on dating sites.

Hell, even when I was mid 30s, I still had old, white haired grandpas hitting on me on dating sites, and it’s gross.

Women do not want to date older men. There might be a few who do, if the woman in question is an air-headed 23 year old who is a gold digger, or the 50+ year old male in question is movie actor Johnny Depp, but as to the rest of the female gender: no, just no, we don’t want to date older guys.

I have no idea why older men assume women ten, fifteen, twenty years their junior would even consider it. Most of us find the romantic attention of a much older guy ICKY. Not a turn on, but ICKY and GROSS.

I’ve been meaning on doing a related post or two on these subjects for some time now. Here’s the first one. I don’t know when I will be cranking out part 2.

The sexist doofus(*) at another site commented to me that in my 40s, that my looks have lost their allure (I forget the exact nauseating, odd phrase he used, but something like, “the flower is off the youth of your looks”), so I can no longer depend on my looks to get a man, he said.

As I told him, I never depended on my looks to start with.

He has no idea what I look like, by the way, but just assumes I must resemble an old crone (I do not).

(*The doofus to which I refer:
Frank Swift / Geek in the Wilderness post (‘How churches today abandoned the Christian single’))

He’s not the only male who feels this way. I’ve seen other ones like him before.

The larger point I’d like to make, though, is that Hollywood and Madison Avenue keep portraying women over age 35 as being unattractive or sexless, and your idiot Christian “Average Joes” have bought into this thinking.

Males generally get a pass in American culture for having slobby looks, for looking old, or being fat, and are not considered un-sexy, ugly, haggard, undesirable, or old-looking until they get to their 50s, or a few, such as movie star Sean Connery, escape this ageism until their 60s or 70s.

I am now in my early 40s. I don’t look too different now than I did in my early or mid 30s. I don’t have wrinkles or grey hair, and I jog several times a week. I am not fat.

Yet, weenies like the guy on the other site – Swift – seem to assume once a woman hits 40, that she automatically morphs into a stereotypical, grey- hair- in- a- bun, wrinkled 95- year- old grandma. (Think “Granny” on “The Beverly Hillbillies” show.).

However, that is not what 40 looks like.

Even secular people pick up on these things – some of them do pick apart male appearance and note that most guys are not as hot and attractive as they think they are, and some of them are catching on that looks do matter to women.

Some women, such as me, put more value on a man’s looks than how much money he makes.

I’ve always cared more about ‘the Cute’ than ‘the Bank Account’ or the sort of car the guy drives.

Guys like the sexist Swift assumes he can be chubby, fat, wrinkled, flabby and bald, and yet still attract an attractive woman, if only he has a steady job – and this assumption is flat wrong.

Someone put photos of average guys in underwear beside photos of famous male athletes and movies stars in underwear:

(Link): Real Men Underwear Ads

Here are a couple examples from that page – the regular guys are on the left, the male models / professional soccer players are on the right – the regular Joes are NO WHERE NEAR AS sexy, hot, and attractive as the guys on the right:

Rergular Guy Compared to Male Model
Rergular Guy Compared to Male Model
Rergular Guy Compared to Male Model
Regular Guy Compared to Male Model

Men You’re Less Attractive Than You Think (video)


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Related posts this blog:

(Link): New study: Average American man is ugly and fat – And yes, men, you should panic because American women DO judge you based on your looks

(Link): Women Are Visual And Like Hot Looking Men (Part 1) Joseph in Genesis Was A Stud Muffin

(Link): Creepy, wrong, immature and pathetic: older men chasing after much younger women

(Link): Misogynistic Christian Single Guy Blog – Keeping Singles Single Re Frank Swift of Geek in the Wilderness

(Link): Rise of the trophy HUSBAND: The high-flying women paying for their partners to get surgery – so that they will look better on their arm (article)

(Link): Christian Males Blaming their Unwanted Protracted Singleness on Feminism – They have the wrong target

(Link): Example of How Christian Teaching About Sex, Marriage, and Gender Creates Hang Ups and Entitlements Among Christians

(Link): Conflicting Message to Christian Women by Christians About Physical Appearance

(Link): Ryan Gosling and Shirtless, Buff Cowboy Photos on Social Media – Yes, Women Are Visually Stimulated and Visually Oriented (Part 2)

(Link): The Annoying, Weird, Sexist Preoccupation by Christian Males with Female Looks and Sexuality

(Link): Follow up: BITTER GUY Replies to ‘It’s Okay To Call A Guy Creepy (article) / Little Sympathy for Ugly Single Guys’

(Link): And They Like to Caution Single Women About Being “Too Picky” – Check this nauseatingly too picky list by a single 39 year old who will die single

(Link): How Not to Help All the Single Ladies (excellent article)

(Link): Some Advertisers Have Caught on that Women are Visually Oriented

(Link): Conservative Christian Sexist Immature Imbecilic Pressure on Women to Look Pretty and Skinny and to Put Out Sexually

(Link): Christian Gender and Sex Stereotypes Act as Obstacles to Christian Singles Who Want to Get Married (Not All Men Are Obsessed with Sex)

(Link): Boy Bands, Rock Singers, and Other High School Crushes – Yes, Women Are Visually Stimulated and Visually Oriented

And They Like to Caution Single Women About Being “Too Picky” Check this nauseatingly too picky list by a single 39 year old who will die single

And They Like to Caution Single Women About Being “Too Picky” Check this nauseatingly too picky list by a single 39 year old who will die single

This 39 year old man (he goes by the screen name “Romeo Rose” as well as “Sleepless in Austin”) will never, ever get married, unless he happens across a very, very emotionally damaged, codependent woman, they are the only sort who would go along with this, but then, he might not meet one who is a red head, sans glasses, etc etc…

This makes me glad that I’m single.

(Link): Delusional Man-Child Has Most Incredible List of Dating Requirements

This is the summary of his list, along with the intro from his site’s home page; you will have to click the link above to see the entire thing:

    I am willing to pay anyone $1,500 as a finders fee for anyone that can help find me a girlfriend. (I will give you a extra $1,000 as a bonus if this turns into marriage, I offer this extra bonus as I hope it will motivate you to find me a woman of great quality)

    I will not date an overweight girl
    I will not date a black girl
    I do not like glasses on a girl
    I will not date a girl that does not have a job
    I do not like tattoos on a woman
    I do not like gamblers
    I do not like strippers
    I will not date a girl that has had a threesome
    I will not date a girl if she is still friends with an ex
    I do not want a girlfriend that has breast implants
    I have a very high sex drive

I hope you enjoy growing old totally alone, dude, or that you like paying for sex.

His list is actually way worse than you see above, because he gets into nit pickier details under each main point. It’s fairly ridiculous.

Oddly enough, this selfish, entitled man also has this on his list of wants:

    I will not date a selfish woman. I do not like selfish women at all.

From his site:

    I prefer a woman that has never had children, because having kids does ruin a womans body often times.

    They end up with stretch marks.

    And also sometimes it makes their vagina looser, and I don’t care how many kegel exercises a woman does, after she has 2 or 3 eight to ten pound babies, you can’t tell me it’s going to be 100% as tight as it ever was!

    Plus, what’s even worse than all of that, is sometimes during childbirth the lips/vulva of a woman get torn and they never look the same as the did originally even after they heal, that’s why some women even get cosmetic reconstructive surgery to their vulvas after childbirth to try and regain their original appearance.

-I don’t even know what to say about that.

He apparently works as a photographer (at least someone on another site said this is the guy’s photography page):

(Link): Lonely, entitled, too judgemental and picky about women Single Guy’s Photography page
-by the way, guys like him are single because they are selfish, entitled, and unrealistic.

They are not single “because of feminism” – I’m not saying that is necessarily true of this Romeo guy, but a lot of guys who have a difficult time getting girlfriends often blame feminism (see (Link): Christian Males Blaming their Unwanted Protracted Singleness on Feminism – They have the wrong target)

I’m fine with singles of either gender having preferences (including regarding physical appearances of people they’d like to date), but when your list of preferences is twenty feet long and some of it is sexist or hypocritical, er, no.

However, the people in the Jezebel comments are off base by saying anyone who says “I like all music except for rap” is racist.

You got it: I am not racist but don’t like most rap. I also dislike most heavy metal and country music that is too hick-i-fied. Some country is okay, but some of it is annoying.

Said a commentator on the Jezebel page about this guy:

    Oh, and you missed something that another commenter pointed out: he did an AMA on Reddit.

    in his AMA, he explains that the reason he would never date a woman who had been with a Black man is because he considers it “ALMOST the same thing as beastiality, because black people look like apes, monkeys and gorillas.”

Several people have suggested that he’s trolling people, and this is all a publicity stunt to get attention.

Some also say that he posts to PUA type threads on reddit. Figures. He does give off that kind of vibe.

October 10, 2013 update at Jezebel:

New developments about this sexist, weirdo, nit picky guy, hosted on the Jezebel site – this weirdo has been sending gross texts to women:

(Link to Jezebel page): [Update] Inevitably Disgusting Sexts From the Racist ‘Sleepless in Austin’ Dude

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Related posts this blog

(Link): Nice Guys: Scourge of the Single Woman

(Link): Blogs by Single Women Who Discuss the Weirdos, Perverts and Losers Who Contact Them on Dating Sites

Follow up: BITTER GUY Replies to ‘It’s Okay To Call A Guy Creepy (article) / Little Sympathy for Ugly Single Guys’

Follow up: Bitter Guy Replies to ‘It’s Okay To Call A Guy Creepy (article) / Little Sympathy for Ugly Single Guys’

Someone calling himself “OffTheCuff” left a comment on my previous post, (Link): “It’s Okay To Call A Guy Creepy (article) / Little Sympathy for Ugly Single Guys.” I only skimmed it so far as to see the “you sound so bitter” phrase in his post and then deleted it. (I did not read the whole remark.)

The funny thing is, I’m not bitter and did not feel bitter when writing that post. I was pointing out in (Link): the last post that the ugly- to- average looking guys who complain on the internet that they can’t get dates, because they assume all women want Brad Pitt look-alikes, sound bitter themselves.

My main point was, though, that such men are hypocritical.

1. The majority of ugly, dweeby, scrawny, nerdy, socially inept, or obese males who complain that they can’t get dates often feel entitled to women who look like movie star Angelia Jolie. They chase after Angelina Jolie clones and get angry when such women expect them to be at Brad-Pitt-level-good-looks.

2. Women have been judged, and rejected, based on their looks for years and years in American culture, so why do men feel they should be immune for being judged by women for their physical appearance?

I also explained in my previous post that I went through the awkward-looking phase in my early teens and was cruelly picked on by males in school, but by my late teens, I lost weight, was wearing make-up and males were flirting with me by that time.

Men of all ages still respond to me on dating sites now, where I have several recent photos of myself on my dating profile.

But, men on dating sites generally only care about my photos, they care only about what I look like and not about my profile, where I list information about myself.

Why? Because all most men care about are a woman’s looks. They care not about my dreams in life, my educational background or anything else.

I’ve heard similar stories from other women on blogs who discuss their experiences on dating sites.

Men judge women for their physical appearance all the time, yet expect women, including very attractive ones, to give them a break in the ‘looks department’ and date them, even if they find the male physically unappealing (or socially clueless, or some combination thereof). It’s pure hypocrisy.

I’m not the one who’s bitter about this.

I signed off on my last post explaining I accepted many years ago that most men are shallow putz wads about physical appearance, so I learned to diet, jog, and look my best – and it worked. Guys began asking me out.

However, the whiny guys I see on the internet will not simply accept the fact that women do want to date good-looking guys.

Instead of going to the gym and working out to develop a nice physique, so they can begin getting dates with these ladies, they complain online about female dating preferences.

They find blog posts like mine and choose to call me names and put me down for relating my personal experiences.
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Related posts this blog:

(Link): Nice Guys: Scourge of the Single Woman

(Link):  Nice Guys Aren’t So Nice After All: Men in the “Friend Zone” Often Have A Hidden Agenda, Say Psychologists (Daily Mail article)

(Link): Testosterone-Deficient Gamma Male Whines About the ‘Friend Zone’ (post from The Other McCain) – AKA, Ugly, Fat, Weird, Awkward, or Poor Nice Guys Who Unrealistically Expect to Attract Rich, Pretty, Thin, Socially Normal Women

(Link):  Dudes, Stop Putting Women in the Girlfriendzone

(Link): Nice Guys – the bitter single men who complain women don’t like nice men

(Link): Atlantic: “The case for abandoning the myth that ‘women aren’t visual.’”

(Link): Women Are Visually Oriented Too – Reminder 1

(Link): Superman, Man Candy -and- Christian Women Are Visual And Enjoy Looking At Built, Hot, Sexy Men

(Link): Women Are Visual And Like Hot Looking Men (Part 1) Joseph in Genesis Was A Stud Muffin

(Link): The Annoying, Weird, Sexist Preoccupation by Christian Males with Female Looks and Sexuality

(Link): Article: Scientists: Why penis size does matter [to women]

(Link): Married Women Engage in Sexual Sin – and most men in denial particularly Christian conservatives

(Link): More ‘Men Are Visual’ Baloney, Discussed at Another Blog

(Link):Conservative Christian Sexist Immature Imbecilic Pressure on Women to Look Pretty and Skinny and to Put Out Sexually

The Society of Phineas blog on Singleness

The Society of Phineas blog on singleness

(Link): Manufacturing Singleness Part 2, from The Society of Phineas blog

There are aspects of the above blog page I agree with, and ones I do not.

I will here-after refer to this blogger as “Phineas,” though he also uses the screen name of “ballista74.”

The blogger of the above classifies Al Mohler, DeYoung and Mark Driscoll as “feminist preachers.” There is nothing feminist about Mohler or Driscoll. I don’t know DeYoung well enough to comment on him.

Mohler and Driscoll are actually anti-feminist. They are gender complementarians. They believe in strict gender roles, that women should be sweet, pretty, and passive, while males should be tough, assertive, decisive, and active.

I would not be interested in marrying a Christian man who agrees with Mohler’s or Driscoll’s views on marriage and women.

Most women, Christian and Non, find Driscoll to be a sexist pig, not a feminist who champions their causes. Saying that Driscoll is feminist would be like saying that the Coyote loves and esteems the Road Runner; it does not compute. Driscoll says things that both genders find offensive.

Christian gender complementarians such as Driscoll and Mohler are known for blaming feminism for the lack of marriages among Christians; see this post: (Link): Christian Males Blaming their Unwanted Protracted Singleness on Feminism – They have the wrong target

That Mohler and Driscoll hold young males partially responsible for the drought of marriages among Christians today is not a party line of feminism (feminists are usually anti-marriage, believing it traps women and only benefits men), and more a throw back to their incorrect interpretations of how they think the Bible discusses and defines gender roles.

I do agree with Phineas that many Christians remain blind to the fact that Christian women on occasion commit sexual sins – I would say this is due in part to inherent sexism of their complementarian gender role views.

Christian males don’t like to admit to themselves that Christian women (or Non Christian women) want sex or enjoy sex.

Male Christians like to think of married Christian women as being frigid, uninterested in sex, and reluctant sex partners who have to be cajoled or guilt-tripped into having sex with their husbands.

Witness the numerous sermons by preachers on marriage where the male preacher will usually pound it into the heads of married women in the congregation that men really like sex, so, married ladies, they are told, be sure to sexually service your husband regularly, because men really, really, really like sex!

Sex is viewed as a male activity. Women are told repeatedly that men are “visual,” so that women are pressured to stay very skinny, diet all the time, and look like fashion models day in and day out, so that their spouses will continue to find them sexually and visually appealing.

Men, especially Christian ones, are not under the same kind of pressure so far as physical appearance is concerned.

Christian men get the notion they can let themselves go and be physically repulsive looking and Christian women, they are told by pastors, will still want them sexually, so long as they are a “strong spiritual leader,” or attend church weekly, or some other ridiculous, poppycock, sentimental or churchy sounding reason.

Regarding this part of Phineas’ post:

    So I perhaps shouldn’t be too offended by all the man-up rants [directed at single Christian males], since they are in response to the women complaining about how the 10-15% of the men they do see don’t want anything to do with them.

    They don’t address how the women generally find it repulsive and disgusting to be addressed by the 85-90% that doesn’t meet their hypergamous standards. After all, if they want the Alpha Experience, they should know too that the Alpha just won’t settle down and marry, or follow after Scripture in any way.

-reeks a bit of sexism to me, in part because there are too many assumptions and generalizations about women.

Women are allowed to be attracted to whom they wish to be attracted to. It always sounds like sour grapes to me any time I see a male complaining that women are not as keen to date the less-attractive males.

From (Link): It’s Okay To Call A Guy Creepy (and a partial copy of this is (Link): located here on this blog)

    Women have a right to express that they don’t appreciate a man’s advances.

    by HUGO SCHWYZERJUN

    What SNL played for laughs, many men (and some women) took – and still take – seriously: Some men can’t win with women, these people believe, no matter what they do or say.

    This attitude is best observed in the recent backlash against calling men “creepy.” “Creep is the worst thing you can call a man,” wrote Jeremy Gordon for the Hairpin, pointing out it’s an impossible charge for a guy to disprove. As Gordon writes, “creepy is a vibe you can’t define… you just know it.”

    Others argue that “creepiness” connotes something specific: male homeliness. Men’s rights activist Robert Lindsay titled a post “Creepy” is Woman Speak for “An Unattractive Man Who Shows Interest In Me,” while Thought Catalog’s Johanna de Silentio wrote that “there are also a lot of guys who are labeled ‘creepy’ just because they happen to be really unattractive.”

    I often hear something similar in my gender studies classes. (It was in a “Men and Masculinity” course years ago where an anguished young man first drew my attention to the Brady skit.)

    Whenever the subject of sexual harassment or “creep-shaming” comes up in class, someone–almost always a man–makes the case that SNL was right: the only way for straight men to safely express sexual interest in women is to do so while following the skit’s three rules.

    With almost invariable bitterness, these young men complain that unless a guy has won striking good looks in the genetic lottery, he’s doomed to be rejected and seen as overstepping his boundaries, no matter what he does.

    …… Men’s rage about sexual harassment regulations and “creep-shaming” may well be rooted in an unwillingness to accept these cultural changes that have given women unprecedented power to say “no” to the lecherous and the predatory.

    Complaints that unattractive, socially awkward men are unfairly labeled “creepy” miss the point. “Creepy” describes having “the creeps;” it’s a word that centers on women’s own feelings.

    It’s no more “unfair” for Ashley the hypothetical barista to be “creeped out” by the advances of an older, unappealing co-worker than it is for her to be excited by the same approach from the man to whom she’s attracted.

    In that sense, the SNL sketch got to an important truth: Women’s subjective experiences and instincts matter.

I also recoil any time I see a male use the terms “alpha” or “beta” when discussing other males as on Phineas’ blog, because these terms are usually employed by embittered, women-hating males who blame feminism and women themselves for their singleness.

They are typically the guys who declare they are “nice guys” and that all women really want to date “bad boys” or perfect, really good- looking guys with a lot of money and won’t even give the “nice guy” a chance.

I’ve blogged about “nice guys” before, so I will not belabor that issue here. See these posts at my blog:
(Link): Nice Guys: Scourge of the Single Woman
(Link): Nice Guys – the bitter single men who complain women don’t like nice men

Where Phineas writes,

    There are many more things that could be pointed out. In conclusion, the feminist preachers such as Mark Driscoll, Kevin DeYoung, and Albert Mohler need to look into the mirror and see what they are doing to precipitate the results that they are noticing.

    When you do certain things within a system you create, these things always create very specific results.

    Insanity is to expect different results out of doubling down and doing the same things. The man-up rants that they write come off as complaining that what they have set up and supported is not working as they desire.

I can agree with that in- so- far as most Christian teaching on dating, sex, marriage and gender roles has contributed to keeping both genders perpetually single.

It is not that Driscoll and Mohler support misandry and “blame the males” at every turn that is solely to blame for protracted singleness among Christians, but that Christians, at the root of it, are

1. afraid of fornication (pre-marital sex)

and some Christians are

2. beholden to traditional gender roles (they fear or hate feminism)

I see in another post at Phineas’ site ((Link): Some Problems in Christian Dating) that he does acknowledge that Christian fear of pre-marital sex drives a lot of the absurd teaching on dating that singles receive.

Points 1 and 2 above drive a lot of the ridiculous dating advice that Christian singles receive, an issue I have covered on this blog before, in posts such as (and I’m tossing in a few related topics here)…

(Link): Christian Teachings on Relationships: They’re One Reason Singles Are Remaining Single (even if they want to get married)

(Link): Christian Males Blaming their Unwanted Protracted Singleness on Feminism – They have the wrong target

(Link): Being Equally Yoked: Christian Columnist Dan Delzell Striving to Keep Christian Singles Single Forever

This is hosted on another blog:
(Link): Feminism, Singleness, And The Idol Of The Nuclear Family

(Link): How Christians Keep Christians Single (part 3) – Restrictive Gender Roles Taught as Biblical

(Link): Magical Christian Thinking: If you have pre-marital sex you won’t get a decent spouse

As for Phineas’ part 1 (Link:) Manufacturing Singleness Part 1, I think he blames single women too much and unfortunately plays into some stereotypes about singles that marrieds possess (I’m not sure if Phineas is single or married).

Notice Phineas refers to older single women as being “bitter.”

Phineas also errs in assuming that older singles “have baggage,” which is another stereotype of singles. The truth is that all people of all ages, both married and single, have “baggage.”

Ironically, some of us, as we age, lose whatever “baggage” we had at one time; particularly is this true for females, most of whom learn to accept themselves by the time they reach age 40.

I spent childhood to my late 30s not knowing who I was and being deeply insecure. I now know who I am and what I want in life and am not afraid to go after it anymore. I lost baggage. I would actually make a healthier martial partner now than when I was in my 20s or 30s.

Quoting Phineas:

    This is nothing different that hasn’t been seen in the culture. Women go off and do their own thing, usually career, but other ministry things, too. They do these things with the expectation that they can find marriage at any time they would like in their lives.

    It is well known that the available pool of candidates for marriage decreases considerably as one ages. Marriage is just not a priority for these women, but when it comes time that they find that there just aren’t candidates out there.

    Or they are so set in their ways and their own desires, that they just can’t find anyone to go along with them and get bitter and angry because they couldn’t have their own perfect romance like all the other women around them.

    Then they always have more chance to get baggage that would keep them from getting married.

It is simply the nature of American culture (and likely British, Canadian, and Aussie culture) that people no longer marry fresh out of high school or early college years, like they used to do. Women should not be blamed for this situation, but they are, as you can see in Phineas’ quotes above.

It’s not so much that women deliberately chose to remain single in their late 20s, mid 30s and older.

Honestly, a woman today has no choice but to go out and live life and hold a job down to be able to pay rent.

What do bloggers such as Phineas expect a woman to do, marry at age 18? I was too insecure and in some ways, too immature, to be married so young. I’m not the same person I am in my early 40s that I was in my early twenties. Had I married back at age 18, I seriously doubt such a marriage would have survived to my mid 30s.

If the woman cannot find a partner at age 18, is she to curl up in a ball in her closet and hope that God magically sends her a spouse?

What do you want a woman who is still un-married at ages 23, 27, 35, to do, just sit at home all day? Should a single woman (or man) not be living life in the meantime, while waiting and hoping for a spouse?

I did not get my first boyfriend until around age 27. I had fully expected to be married by my late 20s to mid 30s. Up until I got my first boyfriend at age 27, what would Phinease suggest I have done, sit about all day doing nothing?

Phineas writes,

    Given this trend, it seems the proper course is for “woman-up” rants from the evangelical feminist preachers, not man-up rants. It seems women are just expecting marriage to be there when they are ready for it, after running after being an “empowered woman”, and then are rushing the offices of these people when they aren’t finding it, complaining how men aren’t there to marry them. Then you get the man-up rants out of them because it could never ever be the chaste sinless women’s faults.

Phineas needs to realize that many of these women, the single Christian ones who are upset they arrive at age 30 to 40 still single, are not feminists who bought into “girl power” or “empowerment” messages.

Concerning marriage, Christian women are conditioned by Christian culture and preacheres to be passive and wait on a husband to appear. These Christian women are simply doing as they were taught by church, family, and preacher; they did not opt for feminism or career over husband.

I have seen population statistics which indicate that for about every unmarried Christian man at age 40, there are three or four unmarried Christian females.

In other words, there is only one male to go around for every three or four women.

Complaining and bitching about feminism and so on does nothing to change the numbers. Even had all those age 40 women been willing, able, and ready to marry a man when they were at age 21, there were NO MEN IN EXISTENCE FOR THEM TO MARRY.

I was raised to be a “gender complementarian” from the time I was a girl. I honestly tried to buy into the traditional gender role nonsense, but rejected it by the time I was in my late 30s or so.

In my teens and twenties, I knew if I married, I’d do my best to be the stereotypical June Cleaver, Christian submissive wife that the anti-feminist Christians constantly lecture at women they ought to be.

So, even though I was a sweet, submissive, nice, lady-like Christian girl – who was a virgin and still am a virgin – I did not get a husband.

Most churches I went to did not have single Christian men my age.

I was never on a feminist power trip, and neither are many of the other Christian women who find themselves mid- thirties or older and still not married.

The entire Christian, female gender should not be blamed for an entire cultural shift, much of which took place before we were born or while we were children.

Further, we Christian ladies are raised from girl-hood to believe in ‘Magical Marriage,’ this is, that if you are good, pray to Jesus, and have faith in God, that God will simply send you your Christian husband in a timely fashion.

I was told that nice Christian girls wait on God’s timing for a spouse, that Christian women do not pursue men, that we are to wait passively (though I did go to singles events at churches and so on).

Christian women are told to pray and wait for God to provide a spouse. But then, no husband ever arrives. This is painful for a lot of Christian women who were sincerely trusting God for a spouse – but here Phineas is lashing out at such women on his blog, as though they are at fault, when they are not.

If Phineas is angry at man-bashing preachers, such as Mark Driscoll, he needs to save his vitriol for Driscoll, instead of blaming, shaming, or complaining about single Christian women.

Phineas wrote,

    2. Unrealistic expectations from women for the perfect man for them are not challenged by the feminist preachers.

    …So given this, it seems women are rejecting men that are “good enough” in the sight of God to be her husband for the absolute perfect man, who does not exist.

And that could just as easily read,

    2. Unrealistic expectations from men for the perfect woman for them are not challenged by the gender complementarian preachers.

    …So given this, it seems men are rejecting women that are “good enough” in the sight of God to be his wife for the absolute perfect woman, who does not exist.

I’ve said it before, but a lot of single Christian men, despite being ugly, dweeby, dorky, poor, weird, stupid, socially awkward, fat, or bald, all expect to marry a skinny pretty movie star look-alike, and Christian preachers uphold this unrealistic entitlement attitude by telling women in their congregations things such as, “men are visually wired and like sex, so ladies, be sure to stay thin and pretty and act like a minx in the bed room!”

One never hears preachers saying, “Remember men, women like buff, hot, muscular men with a full head of hair, so attend the gym weekly, get a “six pack,” and use some Rogaine.”

Preachers refuse to acknowledge that women have sexual desire, which I find insulting… well, they will acknowledge on occasion that un-married women have a libido, as they assume (insultingly and incorrectly) that all single women are harlots who fornicate regularly and who are just dying at the chance to bed married men.

Preachers assume that married women, though, are as pure as the freshly drive snow, or are totally un-interested in sex, because, they feel, married women only want “emotional intimacy.”

The bottom line is that both genders face insulting stereotypes from each other, from preachers, from Christians, and in society. Both genders face hurdles in the world of dating. Neither men nor women have it easy in getting dates or spouses, and it is neither wholly the fault of women, men, or feminism.
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Related post this blog

(Link): Trends in male employment may not bode well for marriage (article)

It’s Okay To Call A Guy Creepy (article) / Little Sympathy for Ugly Single Guys

It’s Okay To Call A Guy Creepy (article) / Little Sympathy for Ugly Single Guys

Before I get to the “It’s Okay To Call A Guy Creepy” article, I wanted to comment on all the guys out there who perceive themselves as being ugly- to- average looking who are angry at women who they feel only want to date really good-looking guys.

I have little sympathy for most of these men, because women in American culture have been heavily judged on their looks alone for many, many decades, and they still are.

There are times I will defend un-married males on this blog where I feel they are genuinely under attack from whomever, but other times, I feel their complaints are unfounded, whiny, or grossly exaggerated, and this is one of those times.

When I was growing up, I (and I am a female) went through a “tubby” phase around junior high school age (ages 11 – 13), where I also had acne, wore thick glasses, and had frizzy hair. Both genders let me know at that time of life I was ugly. But the males in particular were very cruel to me about it.

I never got dates in my teen years. Boys did not flirt with me or ask me out. They would spit on me, pull my hair, gather in circles around me on the bus ride home to tease me with cruel put- downs until I cried, and then make fun of me for crying.

Men are total unreasonable, unrealistic jerks when it comes to judging women on their looks. They really are – from the time they are teen-agers to grown men, males will dismiss women on their looks alone.

All men, Christian and Non, from the scrawny, un-muscular, geeky, dorky guy, to the sloppy, fat, obese, 956 pound bald male, all feel entitled to a thin, gorgeous, movie star Megan Fox look-alike.

When on dating sites, the only criteria men care about – even the so-called “Christian” ones – are what women look like.

Men look at a woman’s profile photos on dating sites but never read the damn profiles, where you, the woman, mention what your favorite band is, what your hobbies are, and so forth. All the men care about is your damn physical appearance.

Female politicians get hammered for their weight, hair styles, and wrinkles in the media and from everyday commentators on sites, but the male politicians seldom get scrutinized or criticized for their fat bellies or balding heads or wrinkles.

Teen-aged girls and women are judged harshly by men in the area of looks.

I was just told by a sexist Christian idiot on another site about a week ago that now that I’m in my early 40s that the “bloom is off your youthful beauty,” so no man will want me now, according to this guy. I’ve seen that same view by Christian men (and on occasion by married women) on other sites or in books about singles.

Most dating advice books and blogs aimed at women, even the Christian ones, wrongly assume that the reason women remain single is that they must be ugly or fat, so women (or teen-aged girls) are told in such material to lose weight, diet, have long hair, wear lip stick all the time, and look pretty.

I have never really seen males get instructed by other males in dating advice sites to stay thin, work out at the gym, use Rogaine (if they are balding), etc. I suppose you could cite an example or two, but by and large, I have not seen men advised to shed extra pounds, get in shape, or get a toupee.

Historically in American culture, males have had no where near the pressure to look beautiful that females have.

But it is true that women love good-looking, built men. This is a fact that is over-looked by conservative Christians.

I’ve blogged about this subject many times before, such as (Link): Superman, Man Candy -and- Christian Women Are Visual And Enjoy Looking At Built, Hot, Sexy Men, (Link): Atlantic: “The case for abandoning the myth that ‘women aren’t visual.’” and (Link): Women Are Visual And Like Hot Looking Men (Part 1) Joseph in Genesis Was A Stud Muffin.

We women get the message from preachers and Christian dating blogs that we’re not supposed to be too picky when selecting a Christian mate. We single ladies are not supposed to care about the guy’s money, the guy’s looks – but, rather, that he reads his Bible daily and hands out rice on yearly missionary trips to Africa, and so on.

You Christian men (and the Non Christian men) are let off the “stay in shape, exercise, and diet” responsibility hook, but women are still expected to be youthful, pretty, and thin if they hope to get a spouse.

Even though most women are visual, some of them are willing to date an ugly- to- average looking guy, if he has some other feature they find compelling, such as he’s very funny, sweet, wealthy, attentive, interesting, or romantic.

I seldom see hot- looking (or even ugly or average looking) men willing to date ‘ugly- but- sweet,’ or ‘average-looking but funny’ women. Many women are more willing more often to bend their criteria in the ‘physical appearance department’ when it comes to who they date, than men are.

Women have a right to be attracted to whomever they are attracted to; they are under no obligation to date men they do not consider physically attractive or men they find odd or dorky. Men have had this right for ages and ages, but women are expected by most Christians -and all ugly men themselves- to date ugly or average-looking men.

(Link): It’s Okay To Call A Guy Creepy

Excerpts:

    by HUGO SCHWYZERJUN
    June 27 2013

    What SNL [television show Saturday Night Live] played [the situation of good looking men scoring with women while the ugly men are regarded as creepy by women] for laughs, many men (and some women) took – and still take – seriously: Some men can’t win with women, these people believe, no matter what they do or say.

    This attitude is best observed in the recent backlash against calling men “creepy.”

    “Creep is the worst thing you can call a man,” wrote Jeremy Gordon for the Hairpin, pointing out it’s an impossible charge for a guy to disprove.

    As Gordon writes, “creepy is a vibe you can’t define… you just know it.”

    Others argue that “creepiness” connotes something specific: male homeliness.

    Men’s rights activist Robert Lindsay titled a post “Creepy” is Woman Speak for “An Unattractive Man Who Shows Interest In Me,” while Thought Catalog’s Johanna de Silentio wrote that “there are also a lot of guys who are labeled ‘creepy’ just because they happen to be really unattractive.”

    I often hear something similar in my gender studies classes. (It was in a “Men and Masculinity” course years ago where an anguished young man first drew my attention to the Brady skit.)

    Whenever the subject of sexual harassment or “creep-shaming” comes up in class, someone– almost always a man– makes the case that SNL was right: the only way for straight men to safely express sexual interest in women is to do so while following the skit’s three rules.

    With almost invariable bitterness, these young men complain that unless a guy has won striking good looks in the genetic lottery, he’s doomed to be rejected and seen as overstepping his boundaries, no matter what he does.

    …A society where people are judged by the content of their character rather than the color of their skin, he [a male student of Schwyzerjun’s] declared, should also be a society where men are judged “creepy” solely on the basis of their words and actions rather than their looks. He got cheers from several other guys in the classroom.

    … My student’s mistake is an obvious one: Enjoyment can’t be coerced. Congress can’t pass a law requiring people to be delighted by the advances of others they find unattractive.

    I can get my children to eat broccoli by alternating promises of rewards and punishments, but I cannot do anything to make my daughter love vegetables as much as she loves ice cream.

    Similarly, no law can compel “Ashley,” a barista at the local coffee shop, to feel the same way about the advances of an older co-worker whom she finds repellant as she does about those of the young hottie who joins her on the opening shift.

    Until recently, however, few women could make sexual choices based primarily on physical desire and emotional attraction.

    In a world where few women had the opportunity to prosper without a man’s protection, marriage was about survival. The more educational and economic opportunities women acquire, the more opportunity they have to choose based on what they want rather than what they need for survival.

    As Daniel Bergner’s bestselling What Do Women Want? argues, once you level the economic playing field, women are just as likely as men to make sexual decisions based on desire alone.

    … Men’s rage about sexual harassment regulations and “creep-shaming” may well be rooted in an unwillingness to accept these cultural changes that have given women unprecedented power to say “no” to the lecherous and the predatory.

    Complaints that unattractive, socially awkward men are unfairly labeled “creepy” miss the point. “Creepy” describes having “the creeps;” it’s a word that centers on women’s own feelings.

    It’s no more “unfair” for Ashley the hypothetical barista to be “creeped out” by the advances of an older, unappealing co-worker than it is for her to be excited by the same approach from the man to whom she’s attracted. In that sense, the SNL sketch got to an important truth: Women’s subjective experiences and instincts matter.

    The freedom to act on those instincts doesn’t just lead to romantic fulfillment. In his indispensable 1997 bestseller The Gift of Fear, Gavin de Becker encourages women to rely on their own intuition to keep themselves safe from violence.

    There are few things more risky, de Becker argues, than overriding one’s own sense of real danger (“the creeps”) for the sake of preserving a relationship – or simply being “nice” to a stranger.

    Crucially, de Becker points out that people-pleasing and the urge to avoid causing offense put more women in danger than acting on sexual attraction.

    Women are more likely to be assaulted because they were too polite to someone whom they sensed was creepy than because they were too responsive to the charms of someone who turned them on.

    When men complain about being “creep-shamed,” or insist that the Tom Brady sketch accurately reflects reality, what they’re really lamenting is a culture that is increasingly willing to honor women’s right to be sexual — and women’s right to be safe.

Goodness knows I was judged harshly by males as a teen girl, then, when I lost the weight and the acne cleared up, I was lusted after in my 20s and 30s in person by men who I found to be CREEPY, dorky, ugly or weird, or, in a few cases, by guys that were attractive and okay, but I was just not interested in them romantically.

I’m on dating sites now, and I am still getting judged on my appearance by men of all ages, from their 20s, 30s, and some in their 60s and 70s, who want to date me.

Women are routinely judged on their looks alone by males, all through their life, from their girlhood to their senior years, so no, I can’t feel sorry for the dorky, scrawny, ugly, or fat guys who are upset that some women turn them down for not looking like Brad Pitt.

I used to get turned down for not looking like Megan Fox or Angelina Jolie, but I don’t quite hate the entire male gender for it. I accepted it and worked on my looks – which worked, because guys began asking me out. I do think males need to consider other qualities in a woman other than her looks, however.
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Some guy left a post replying to this one; I did not approve it to appear, but wrote about it here:
(Link): Follow up: Bitter Guy Replies to ‘It’s Okay To Call A Guy Creepy (article) / Little Sympathy for Ugly Single Guys’
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Related posts this blog:

(Link): Nice Guys: Scourge of the Single Woman

(Link): Nice Guys – the bitter single men who complain women don’t like nice men

(Link): Testosterone-Deficient Gamma Male Whines About the ‘Friend Zone’ (post from The Other McCain) – AKA, Ugly, Fat, Weird, Awkward, or Poor Nice Guys Who Unrealistically Expect to Attract Rich, Pretty, Thin, Socially Normal Women

Rise of the trophy HUSBAND: The high-flying women paying for their partners to get surgery – so that they will look better on their arm (article)

Rise of the trophy HUSBAND: The high-flying women paying for their partners to get surgery – so that they will look better on their arm (article)

And conservative Christians keep insisting that women are not visually oriented – only males are, allegedly – so the males get no pressure from Christian culture to exercise regularly, watch their weight, and look attractive.

(Link): Rise of the trophy HUSBAND: The high-flying women paying for their partners to get surgery – so that they will look better on their arm (article)

    -Rise in women willing to invest in a man who looks good

    -Clinics claims more women are footing the bill for partners’ treatments

    -If they are not paying for it, they are urging their partner to have it

    -30% of male patients at one clinic were encouraged by partner

    -Hair transplants and body sculpting techniques top list of treatments

    By BIANCA LONDON
    PUBLISHED: 09:27 EST, 29 July 2013

    The phrase ‘trophy wife’ has long been used as a way of describing an attractive woman who is married to a successful man.

    But as more women climb the career ladder, it seems that the tables may be beginning to turn as they look for a partner who can not only impress them with their success – but with their looks too.

    Using data collected from a high end dating agency and a cosmetic surgery clinic, researchers found a growing number of women are searching for a partner who not only comes with the promise of professional and financial success, but one who will also look the part when accompanying them to functions and social occasions.

    Founder of upmarket dating agency Berkeley International, Mairead Molloy, said: ‘Now appearance, or finding a person who takes care and pride in the way they look, is at the top of the wish list for women.

    ‘We have, over time, certainly noticed a big increase in the number of women who list appearance as a top priority for them.’

    Continue reading “Rise of the trophy HUSBAND: The high-flying women paying for their partners to get surgery – so that they will look better on their arm (article)”

Christian Males Blaming their Unwanted Protracted Singleness on Feminism – They have the wrong target

Christian Males Blaming their Unwanted Protracted Singleness on Feminism – They have the wrong target
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EDIT. From another author, who is a Christian man:
(Link): Feminism, Singleness, And The Idol Of The Nuclear Family

I just now discovered the Spiritual Sounding Board blog made a post about a similar topic back in May of this year that you may want to read (as well as comments by the readers at the bottom of the page):
(Link): What is the Big Deal About Feminism and Christianity?

(Link): Trends in male employment may not bode well for marriage (article)
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Christian Males Blaming their Unwanted Protracted Singleness on Feminism – They have the wrong target

Blaming feminism for protracted, unwanted singleness among males is an attitude that I’ve seen among “average Joe” Christians around the internet the last few years, on their blogs and in forums.

Certainly, conservative Christian groups and think tanks, such as “Focus on the Family,” are probably the most responsible for fostering these views among the unmarried, rank and file Christian males.

These conservative Christian groups blame feminism only, or first and foremost, for everything, for all change in society, or what they perceive as being negative change – for delayed age of first marriage; lower birth rates; women outperforming males in classrooms and on jobs, the rise of divorce, and on and on it goes.

I suppose a feminist was behind the grassy knoll, too. Oswald did not act alone.

If you need a reminder about me (most of this can be found on this blog’s “About” page), and I feel this is pertinent to state up front, because often, male, Christian, gender complementarians (traditional gender role advocates) wrongly assume from the get-go that a (quasi former) Christian woman such as myself, who does not agree with their traditional gender role perspective any longer, must be a bra-burning, Bible-hating, liberal feminist, when the truth is:

  • -I am a social conservative
  • -I am a Republican
  • -I was a Christian since childhood
    (but have been slowly walking away from the faith the last year to two years)
  • -I grew up with a Christian mother who defined herself as being a “traditional wife”
    (in today’s Christian lingo, my Mom was a “biblical gender complementarian”)
  • – I was a “biblical literalist”
    (and still am, to what degree I still identify as Christian)
  • -I tried my hardest to be a “biblical gender complementarian” myself
    … but the older I got, by my mid to late 30s, I saw that the Scripture does not support the view

What I am not, and what I do not believe:

  • -I am not a secular feminist, nor do I agree with all their views
  • -I do not hate men
  • -I am not “anti” family or “anti” marriage

I have on occasion defended unmarried Christian males on this blog.

I think that often, many Christians adhere to offensive stereotypes of Christian men who are over 30 years of age but who have not married.

One common stereotype is that such men are homosexual. Another is that older single Christian males are pedophiles. That they are not as mature as their married counterparts.
Another is that they are not fully in God’s image, that they need to be married (and preferably with kids) to be considered wholly in God’s image. I have written a few blog posts criticizing some of those views.

I do not blame all men every where for the widespread problem of unwanted, protracted singleness among Christians these days.

I also don’t blame feminism. (So it makes me wonder why some of the Christian single men are so vehemently insistent that male singleness is the full responsibility of Christian women. Or of feminism.)

Continue reading “Christian Males Blaming their Unwanted Protracted Singleness on Feminism – They have the wrong target”