33 Stories From Couples That Have Little To No Sex That Are So Important To Hear, Because Sex Is Not The Be All, End All Of Relationships

33 Stories From Couples That Have Little To No Sex That Are So Important To Hear, Because Sex Is Not The Be All, End All Of Relationships

(Link):  33 Stories From Couples That Have Little To No Sex That Are So Important To Hear, Because Sex Is Not The Be All, End All Of Relationships

May 14, 2022

“Some people just aren’t driven by a need for sex.”

by Hannah MarderBuzzFeed Staff

It might seem like *everyone* is having sex these days, and there is constant messaging in our society and pop culture that sex is necessary to make a romantic relationship work. But…that’s not always the case.

Sex positivity is great, but it’s also important to remember that such a societal prioritization and glamorization of sex — especially penetrative sex — can feel really alienating to people who are on the asexuality spectrum, can’t have certain types of sex (or sex at all) due to medical reasons, or are dealing with trauma.

Because the truth is, sex is great! But it’s not necessary for a relationship — as we can see from the stories here. In case you’re wondering how that works, take a look at these 33 stories from couples who have little to no sex.

Responses were aggregated from this Reddit thread that asked, “Couples in loving relationships who rarely have sex, how do you make it work?” and comments from the BuzzFeed Community!

WARNING: This post contains sexual content and mentions of sexual assault.

1. “I have vaginismus, and my husband and I have been married for two years. We haven’t had penetrative sex, but I take care of him, and I use toys. Eventually, I would like to have penetrative sex, but there’s no rush for us. :)”

—samiyaahmed

2. “A combination of repressed Catholic guilt, childhood trauma, and sexual abuse, and low libidos mean that sex happens somewhat infrequently (but I’m not even sure what the baseline standard is, who’s to say really?), BUT when it does, it’s sweet and enjoyable for both of us. Some people just aren’t driven by a need for sex. We’ve been together for 13 years, married for six.”

—keetawnandon

3. “I’m sex-repulsed

Atheist Video About Being a Virgin or Sexually Abstinent – My Critique of the Atheist’s Critique

Atheist Video About Being a Virgin of Sexually Abstinent – My Critique of the Atheist’s Critique

When I am on You Tube, I seldom seek out videos about marriage, sex, dating, or singleness.

When I do visit You Tube, I normally seek out subject matter such as movie reviews and cute animal videos, but this video by “Paulogia” was bumped to the top of my ‘suggested videos to watch’ list by You Tube, so I decided to take a look.

I actually do not enjoy reading or watching content by people who are critical of ‘virginity- until- marriage,’  or who pick apart and criticize Christian teachings about sex. I find these types of things tedious, insulting, and annoying, depending on their take.

In this video, the atheist, Paul of “Paulogia” on You Tube, has a woman co-host in the video with him (I suppose she is an atheist too), Liz, where they are critiquing the video of some guy, Joe Kirby (who is a Christian), who is advocating for sexual abstinence until marriage (which is not a bad thing to advocate for, despite Liz’s seemingly sounding disdain for this).

I’ve never heard of Joe Kirby before. His You Tube page is (Link): here, “Off the Kirb Ministries”. I’ve never watched any of his videos before. All I’ve seen are the clips of the one Kirby video in the Paulogia video.

Okay, yes, as I watched more of the video, Paul says that Liz is an ex-Christian who gives sex advice on her You Tube channel (more about this below).

Off to the side, you can see a screen capture I made from part of the video where a cartoon Liz, with a cartoon Paul, are watching Kirby’s (who doesn’t appear as a cartoon) video.  Watching cartoon talking heads discuss sexual mores was strange

Here is the video in question to which I refer:

(Link, You Tube, 13.30 long video): If You’re Still a Virgin – You MUST See This! feat. Liz LaPoint) (Off the Kirb response)

This video will also be placed within this post at or near the bottom of this post

As I’ve said before on this blog, in earlier blog posts going back years, while conservative Christians and secular social conservatives have, on occasion, erred in regards to their beliefs and teachings about sex, dating, and marriage (I’ve done many critiques about their views, see the section below under “Related Posts on this Blog” for a few samples) your Non-Christians (including atheists, progressive feminists, and so on), are also in error on different points.

Sometimes obnoxiously so.

People Have Been Having Less Sex—whether They’re Teenagers or 40-Somethings

People Have Been Having Less Sex—whether They’re Teenagers or 40-Somethings

(Link): People Have Been Having Less Sex—whether They’re Teenagers or 40-Somethings

Excerpts:

Among the young, social media, gaming and “rough sex” may contribute to this trend

By Emily Willingham on January 3, 2022

…A recent study evaluating what is happening in the U.S. has added to the pile of evidence, showing declines from 2009 to 2018 in all forms of partnered sexual activity, including penile-vaginal intercourse, anal sex and partnered masturbation.

The findings show that adolescents report less solo masturbation as well.

The decreases “aren’t trivial,” as the authors wrote in the study, published on November 19 in Archives of Sexual Behavior.

Between 2009 and 2018, the proportion of adolescents reporting no sexual activity, either alone or with partners, rose from 28.8 percent to 44.2 percent among young men and from 49.5 percent in 2009 to 74 percent among young women. …

27 Eye-Opening Confessions About Relationships From People Who Have Been Single Their Entire Lives

27 Eye-Opening Confessions About Relationships From People Who Have Been Single Their Entire Lives

(Link): 27 Eye-Opening Confessions About Relationships From People Who Have Been Single Their Entire Lives

Excerpts:

“I’m 34 and a virgin. It just hasn’t happened for me.”

by Liz Richardson

Recently, we wrote a post where people shared the joys and struggles of what it’s like to have never been in a relationship. In the comments, many readers from the BuzzFeed Community felt seen and heard and shared their own experiences and perspectives as single people who have never been in a relationship.

Here are their stories:

1. “I’m 34 and a virgin. It just hasn’t happened for me.”
“I feel like there’s something wrong with me, and I just don’t want to deal with it. I feel like I’m unlovable, but I’m so comfortable in my own routine that I’m scared to let anyone disrupt it.”

—mythandry

2. “I am 24 years old, and I’ve never been in a relationship. Sometimes I think it’s the generation we live in.”
“Even though my family is close, I feel lonely. If it wasn’t for them or my canine friends, I wouldn’t have anyone to love or care about me. I still have hope and faith that someday the right person I match up with will walk into my life.”

—oneclassicfemale

Imagine a Future Without Sex by James Lee

Imagine a Future Without Sex by James Lee

(Link): Imagine a Future Without Sex by James Lee

Reproductive technology may lead us to realize too late that being human is better than playing God.

…. All this creates unprecedented ethical challenges in the immediate future. Consider the parents who use IVF to raise their children’s IQ.

If the children repeat the process for another generation, taking advantage of scientific advances during the interim, they could bring the total average gain in the grandchildren north of 10 points—a huge gain.

That advantage could be big enough to give the grandchildren radically disproportionate representation at the highest levels of science, finance, information technology, medicine, law and business.

Designer Baby Revolution: Can We Outlaw Sexual Reproduction?

Designer Baby Revolution: Can We Outlaw Sexual Reproduction?

(Link): Designer Baby Revolution: Can We Outlaw Sexual Reproduction?

By Cameron English — August 30, 2021

Could governments mandate that we quit reproducing sexually for the sake of public health? It sounds outlandish, but there are prominent thinkers making that case.

Their argument is superficially plausible but ultimately absurd, both for scientific and ethical reasons.

---

…. However this particular dispute ends, the opposing sides and the underlying point of contention, who controls your body, aren’t going anywhere soon.

The reason is that advances in health care are enabling physicians to identify the genetic underpinnings of serious diseases and take preventative measures before their patients suffer the debilitating effects of these disorders.

Benjamin Perry, Bi-Sexual Minister, Suggests that Jesus Is Bi-Sexual and Jesus Having Homo Sexual Relations with His Disciples Would Be Okay

Benjamin Perry, Bi-Sexual Minister, Suggests that Jesus Is Bi-Sexual and Jesus Having Homo Sexual Relations with His Disciples Would Be Okay

This person’s view is probably an outcome of “Queering” or “Queer Theory,” which I’ve written about before on this blog in other posts. It’s related to the “Critical Theories” nonsense, where postmodernism prevails, where the far left woke believe that there is no such thing as objective truth or reality.

I’ve actually done a post or two in the past several years that are similar, because this Perry person is not the first to suggest that Jesus may have been having sex outside of (hetero) marriage.

(As far back as the 1970s, actually, I remember coming out of a church Sunday morning service to see that someone had gone around and stuck fliers under all the car’s window wipers declaring that Jesus was probably a homosexual.)

I left this Perry person a few comments.

One of which is: he’s the progressive version of hyper-conservative preacher Mark Driscoll. Both Perry and Driscoll are absolutely sex-obsessed.

I also pointed out to Perry that like all other “sex positive” and sex obsessed people who dabble in theology, he is, as the left likes to put it, “erasing” an entire group of people – in this case,  in his attempt to normalize or justify homosexual fornication (or even hetero fornication), he’s ignoring the fact that Jesus of Nazareth was a never married, childless, CELIBATE.

These People Have Chosen The Single Life — And They Are Thriving by Michael Blackmon

These People Have Chosen The Single Life — And They Are Thriving by Michael Blackmon

(Link): These People Have Chosen The Single Life — And They Are Thriving by Michael Blackmon

Excerpts:

June 14, 2021
by Michael Blackmon

…In choosing to be single and child-free, [49-year-old author and educator]  Turner’s relationship with herself has blossomed. “All my time is for me. I don’t have to dress up for anyone but me. I don’t have to shave. It’s so freeing to go out and not worry about how I look, will someone find me attractive or not,” she said. “I find that I have more confidence and security within myself. I am not looking to [a partner] for validation.”

Turner is just one of hundreds of singles who responded to a BuzzFeed News callout asking the unattached if they were happy.

The submissions were varied, from people who had been single for just a few months to those who had been going solo for much of their lives.

Deep Friendships and Other Asexual Connections Can Feel Romantic, Even Without The Sex. Here’s Why. by R. C. Savin-Williams

Deep Friendships and Other Asexual Connections Can Feel Romantic, Even Without The Sex. Here’s Why. by Ritch C Savin-Williams Ph.D.

(Link): Deep Friendships and Other Asexual Connections Can Feel Romantic, Even Without The Sex. Here’s Why.

Research demonstrates that sexual and romantic desire are not necessarily linked
Posted Aug 19, 2020

A sexologist argued a decade ago that “sexual interest is necessary for the development of romantic feelings.” Many appear to agree.

By contrast, if he had argued the reverse—that romantic feelings are necessary for the development of sexual desire and behavior—no one would have believed him.

….Romantic Asexuals vs. Aromantic Asexuals

An exception is recent research by Amy Antonsen and colleagues who combined data from seven previous studies to net over four thousand asexual participants.

I’m A 30-Year-Old Female Virgin – Should I Tell The Guys I Date? (Advice Column)

I’m A 30-Year-Old Female Virgin – Should I Tell The Guys I Date? (Advice Column)

My answer to the question posed in this post’s heading (I haven’t read the advice columnist’s response yet): No, you should not, depending on the timing.

You don’t tell someone very personal information up front, not in the first few months of dating, no.

Not unless they start asking you, pressuring you, for sex, within days or weeks of dating, and you don’t want to go there – but even then, you don’t have to disclose you are a virgin, you can just tell them, “No I don’t want to have sex.”

You do not owe them an explanation as to why not.

If a guy starts trying to kiss you, and you don’t want him to, tell him “I don’t want to kiss,” or “I don’t want to French kiss.” You still do not, at that stage, tell him your sexual history.

I’m afraid the lady who wrote this question thinks that when a guy is French Kissing her – which she says makes her uncomfortable, and she’d rather a dude NOT kiss her on their second date – she thinks this means she has to tell him then and there that she doesn’t want to be french kissed by date number two because she’s sexually inexperienced.

No. The two are not the same.

Not wanting some dude to not stick his tongue down your throat is not tantamount to telling him you’ve never had sex before (or whatever your sexual history is).

You can tell him you don’t like that type of kissing and/or you want him to take things slow, that you don’t like to get ‘Handsy’ or into “making out” early in a relationship.

You do not owe him the entire story. You don’t have to give him every detail of your life.

Not only do you not share personal information early on regarding sex when dating someone, but you do not, and should not, share your financial information, and things like that.

There is nothing wrong with telling a guy to slow the hell down – you can tell him upfront on a date at the outset you don’t want to make out, no kissing, no sex, or whatever your parameters are.

If the guy balks at your standards, makes fun of you, tries to cajole you out of your standards, mocks you, or acts like a jerk about it, he’s a loser – don’t waste your time on him.

(Link): I’m a 30-Year-Old Female Virgin – Should I Tell The Guys I Date?

I am an almost 30-year-old straight woman who’s never had sex.

No P-in-V, no oral, not even heavy petting.

I have kissed two guys, neither of which were great experiences (my first kiss was five years ago, and he went from zero to tongue-down-throat).

Why Are Young People Having So Little Sex? America is in a Sex Recession – by K. Jullian

Why Are Young People Having So Little Sex? America is in a Sex Recession –  by K. Jullian – via The Atlantic

(Link): Why Are Young People Having So Little Sex? America is in a Sex Recession – via The Atlantic

These should be boom times for sex.

The share of Americans who say sex between unmarried adults is “not wrong at all” is at an all-time high. New cases of HIV are at an all-time low. Most women can—at last—get birth control for free, and the morning-after pill without a prescription.

If hookups are your thing, Grindr and Tinder offer the prospect of casual sex within the hour. The phrase If something exists, there is porn of it used to be a clever internet meme; now it’s a truism.

BDSM plays at the local multiplex—but why bother going? Sex is portrayed, often graphically and sometimes gorgeously, on prime-time cable. Sexting is, statistically speaking, normal.

…But despite all this, American teenagers and young adults are having less sex.

To the relief of many parents, educators, and clergy members who care about the health and well-being of young people, (Link):teens are launching their sex lives later …

…Over the past few years, Jean M. Twenge, a psychology professor at San Diego State University, has published research exploring how and why Americans’ sex lives may be ebbing.

‘We’re In Love But We Never Have Sex’

(Link): ‘We’re in love but never have sex’

By Claire Williams

Some 18% of respondents under the age of 30 have had sex fewer than 10 times in the past year, a survey of 2,000 people on websites Mumsnet and Gransnet has found. Among all ages, the figure was 29%. We meet three couples who, while madly in love, fall into this category.

“Our lack of sex life at the moment is down to me,” Amanda, 35, tells the BBC’s Victoria Derbyshire programme.

“I’m so tired all the time because my job is full on and it’s full on at home. It’s like my libido is tired.”