I’m A 30-Year-Old Female Virgin – Should I Tell The Guys I Date? (Advice Column)

I’m A 30-Year-Old Female Virgin – Should I Tell The Guys I Date? (Advice Column)

My answer to the question posed in this post’s heading (I haven’t read the advice columnist’s response yet): No, you should not, depending on the timing.

You don’t tell someone very personal information up front, not in the first few months of dating, no.

Not unless they start asking you, pressuring you, for sex, within days or weeks of dating, and you don’t want to go there – but even then, you don’t have to disclose you are a virgin, you can just tell them, “No I don’t want to have sex.”

You do not owe them an explanation as to why not.

If a guy starts trying to kiss you, and you don’t want him to, tell him “I don’t want to kiss,” or “I don’t want to French kiss.” You still do not, at that stage, tell him your sexual history.

I’m afraid the lady who wrote this question thinks that when a guy is French Kissing her – which she says makes her uncomfortable, and she’d rather a dude NOT kiss her on their second date – she thinks this means she has to tell him then and there that she doesn’t want to be french kissed by date number two because she’s sexually inexperienced.

No. The two are not the same.

Not wanting some dude to not stick his tongue down your throat is not tantamount to telling him you’ve never had sex before (or whatever your sexual history is).

You can tell him you don’t like that type of kissing and/or you want him to take things slow, that you don’t like to get ‘Handsy’ or into “making out” early in a relationship.

You do not owe him the entire story. You don’t have to give him every detail of your life.

Not only do you not share personal information early on regarding sex when dating someone, but you do not, and should not, share your financial information, and things like that.

There is nothing wrong with telling a guy to slow the hell down – you can tell him upfront on a date at the outset you don’t want to make out, no kissing, no sex, or whatever your parameters are.

If the guy balks at your standards, makes fun of you, tries to cajole you out of your standards, mocks you, or acts like a jerk about it, he’s a loser – don’t waste your time on him.

(Link): I’m a 30-Year-Old Female Virgin – Should I Tell The Guys I Date?

I am an almost 30-year-old straight woman who’s never had sex.

No P-in-V, no oral, not even heavy petting.

I have kissed two guys, neither of which were great experiences (my first kiss was five years ago, and he went from zero to tongue-down-throat).

Continue reading “I’m A 30-Year-Old Female Virgin – Should I Tell The Guys I Date? (Advice Column)”

Why Are Young People Having So Little Sex? America is in a Sex Recession – by K. Jullian

Why Are Young People Having So Little Sex? America is in a Sex Recession –  by K. Jullian – via The Atlantic

(Link): Why Are Young People Having So Little Sex? America is in a Sex Recession – via The Atlantic

These should be boom times for sex.

The share of Americans who say sex between unmarried adults is “not wrong at all” is at an all-time high. New cases of HIV are at an all-time low. Most women can—at last—get birth control for free, and the morning-after pill without a prescription.

If hookups are your thing, Grindr and Tinder offer the prospect of casual sex within the hour. The phrase If something exists, there is porn of it used to be a clever internet meme; now it’s a truism.

BDSM plays at the local multiplex—but why bother going? Sex is portrayed, often graphically and sometimes gorgeously, on prime-time cable. Sexting is, statistically speaking, normal.

…But despite all this, American teenagers and young adults are having less sex.

To the relief of many parents, educators, and clergy members who care about the health and well-being of young people, (Link):teens are launching their sex lives later 

…Over the past few years, Jean M. Twenge, a psychology professor at San Diego State University, has published research exploring how and why Americans’ sex lives may be ebbing.

Continue reading “Why Are Young People Having So Little Sex? America is in a Sex Recession – by K. Jullian”

‘We’re In Love But We Never Have Sex’

(Link): ‘We’re in love but never have sex’

By Claire Williams

Some 18% of respondents under the age of 30 have had sex fewer than 10 times in the past year, a survey of 2,000 people on websites Mumsnet and Gransnet has found. Among all ages, the figure was 29%. We meet three couples who, while madly in love, fall into this category.

“Our lack of sex life at the moment is down to me,” Amanda, 35, tells the BBC’s Victoria Derbyshire programme.

“I’m so tired all the time because my job is full on and it’s full on at home. It’s like my libido is tired.”

Continue reading “‘We’re In Love But We Never Have Sex’”

Why Aren’t Millennials Having Sex Anymore? via Relevant Magazine

Why Aren’t Millennials Having Sex Anymore? via Relevant Magazine

This article opens by citing various stats showing that today’s 20 somethings are not having sex, and a lot more of them are virgins.

This article seems pretty familiar – hopefully I have not blogged on it before.

(Link):  Why Aren’t Millennials Having Sex Anymore? via Relevant Magazine. by A. C. Hansbury

Excerpts:

  • October 26, 2015
  • ….Of all the study shows, the most out-of-place finding doesn’t relate to sex but to virginity. Nearly 40 percent of college students claim they’ve never had sex.
  • Only five years ago, as the Esquire editorial notes, a (Link): 25-year, “exhaustive” study called “Sex Lives of College Students: A Quarter Century of Attitudes and Behaviors,” found that college students who say they’re virgins made up only 13 percent. If both numbers hold up, that’s a startling, 27 percent jump in a really short time span.
  • ….They continue: “It’s as if sexual freedom has become a burden as well as a gift.”

Continue reading “Why Aren’t Millennials Having Sex Anymore? via Relevant Magazine”

What Asexuals Want You To Know About Asexuality by N. Michelson

What Asexuals Want You To Know About Asexuality by  N. Michelson

I sometimes see Christians who confuse asexuality with celibacy. They’re not the same thing.

(Link):  Why Some Asexuals Masturbate (And A Few Other Things They Want You To Know)

Excerpts:

  • A look at a still very misunderstood orientation.
  • While sexual orientations beyond heterosexuality, homosexuality and bisexuality are beginning to receive more attention and understanding from mainstream culture and the media, asexuality remains fairly misunderstood.

Continue reading “What Asexuals Want You To Know About Asexuality by N. Michelson”

Sex, God, and a Generation That Can’t Tell the Difference – Millennials Are the “Judge the Prude” Generation on Sexual Morality (from the Millennial Evangelical blog)

Sex, God, and a Generation That Can’t Tell the Difference –  Millennials Are the “Judge the Prude” Generation on Sexual Morality (from the Millennial Evangelical blog)

This editorial is aimed primarily at Millennials, or is primarily about them, but as someone who is Gen X, I can tell you that the attitudes towards sex that this article attributes to Millennials also holds true for individuals who are older than the Millennials.

I, too, have noticed that our culture disdains judging any and all forms of sexual behavior except for virginity (or celibacy): both right wingers and left wingers, and many Christians and most Non-Christians, are very disparaging and disrespectful towards the concepts of virginity, and towards adult virgins themselves.

Virginity (and celibacy) is shamed, ridiculed, and mocked in our culture by just about every one in every age group, regardless of political affiliation or religious beliefs.

I do not see an author’s name on this page, but it comes from the Millennial Evangelical blog. (Edit. There is someone named Chris Martin listed at the bottom of the page; I assume he is the author?)

(Link): Sex, God, and a Generation That Can’t Tell the Difference –  Millennials Are the “Judge the Prude” Generation on Sexual Morality by Chris Martin (?)

Excerpts:

  • ….The only thing Millennials are black-and-white on when it comes to matters of sexual morality is that you aren’t allowed to be black-and-white on sexual morality.
  • Before, it was stigma to sleep with someone before marriage or with a partner outside of your marriage. Today, college students are shamed as cowards and prudes for retaining their virginity on campuses across the country.
  • Before, you kept your sexual activity quiet for fear of shame; today, you keep your sexual inactivity quiet for the same reason.

Continue reading “Sex, God, and a Generation That Can’t Tell the Difference – Millennials Are the “Judge the Prude” Generation on Sexual Morality (from the Millennial Evangelical blog)”

Our Bodies Were Not Made for Sex by T. Swann

Our Bodies Were Not Made for Sex by T. Swann

Very interesting editorial.

(Link): Our Bodies Were Not Made for Sex by T. Swann

Excerpts:

  • The Genesis account of creation reveals that God created only one species of human. He said, “Let us make human,” and not “Let us make humans.” What essentially makes one a human then, is being created in God’s image, in God’s “likeness” (Gen.1:26-27). What defines us then is the ruah (Hebrew word for spirit) of God in our bodies (Gen.2:7).
  • God is a spirit. Therefore, when he said, “Let us make man in our own image,” he wasn’t speaking of bodies, but of essence.
  • God created the human body out of dust, a decomposable substance, but what is really human—the soul—is indecomposable. This is the God-like property that dwells in humans. The body is really the “house” or “clothing” of the soul.
  • So if we are the same underneath the “clothing” of our bodies, in our souls, why are so many arguments for gender hierarchy based on that outer covering?

Continue reading “Our Bodies Were Not Made for Sex by T. Swann”

Asexual and Happy – from New York Times

Asexual and Happy – from New York Times

This is a very long article. I will only copy a part of it to my blog.

(Link): Asexual and Happy – from New York Times

  •  By
  • July 2, 2015
  • …But my therapist’s view is easy to champion. Movies, books and television shows routinely glorify sex as some be-all-end-all, the main indicator that a romantic relationship is serious and that love is present.
  • …Along the way, we [students] heard plenty of assurances that it’s perfectly O.K. to not have sex. But nowhere in that lesson did I hear the words, “It’s O.K. to not want sex.”

Continue reading “Asexual and Happy – from New York Times”