Dear Abby: Lengthy Marriage Now Includes Threats and Ill Will

Dear Abby: Lengthy Marriage Now Includes Threats and Ill Will

I like seeing content like below.

It’s nice to see that decades-old Hollywood and Christian propaganda about marriage (or romantic relationships overall) “completing” a person or making him or her happy is a bunch of garbage.

This married guy sounds miserable. His wife doesn’t sound happy with him, either.

(Link): Dear Abby: Lengthy Marriage Now Includes Threats and Ill Will

Dear Abby,

I am a 50-year-old man, married for 25 years. My wife is older than I. In the beginning, it was great, but our relationship slowly started failing, and now we argue about everything.

I feel like I’m trapped in a cage.

We don’t have one single thing in common anymore.

Dear Abby: I’m Sick Of My Friend Always Venting About Her Marriage

Dear Abby: I’m Sick Of My Friend Always Venting About Her Marriage

Oh tell me about it.

(The letter to “Dear Abby” about this topic is farther below. I wanted to say a few words about this situation before getting directly to the letter itself.)

I had a friend a few years ago who always complained about her husband.

First, it was because his job drove him away, then when he got back home, she got  peeved by his quirks, or she complained when the Christmas present he got her was too practical and not “romantic” enough for her tastes.

I gently reminded her a time or two during all her years of griping about her husband that I was a single lady who’d like to be married, even if my spouse was occasionally annoying, as hers was (a slightly annoying husband is better than NO husband at all, in my perspective), but she kept right on with the complaining about her spouse.

It was so irritating to be a single lady wanting to get married having to listen to a woman gripe all the time about her husband.

Then, I once had a friend who got married in a civil ceremony, then she (about a year later) had a church ceremony, and she was thrilled. She would NOT SHUT UP about her husband and how great marriage was. I also gently reminded her, “I’m single and cannot even get a boyfriend.”

In other words, if you are a married lady, try not to go to either extreme in front of your single lady friend who wants a man and cannot get one: don’t bitch and moan about your man all the time – you sound ungrateful, and it’s annoying – and, if you are happily married, I don’t need to hear about that constantly, either.

The occasional husband-mention to your single lady friend is FINE, but I’m talking about women who bring it up in almost every conversation.

Edit. Upon reflection, and after reading other opinions on the other site about this letter – it’s possible that the LW (Letter Writer) is the one in the wrong.

The LW admits to Abby that her friend was really there for her during the years after her husband died.

Now that the friend is the one in need, LW is reluctant to give her emotional support, which does make LW sound like she’s selfish and self-absorbed and horrible.

The LW got what she needed from her friend, but now that LW is happy with her new boyfriend, she does not want to return the emotional support to the friend that the friend once gave her.

You know, if LW’s new boyfriend dumps her, and she finds herself sad about it, you bet that the friend is the first person she will want to phone to gripe about it and to receive emotional support.

So, in a way, it is rather hypocritical of LW not to want to give the friend support at this time.

(Link): Dear Abby: I’m sick of my friend always venting about her marriage

DEAR ABBY:

I lost my husband of 45 years three years ago.

My longtime friend, “Grace,” was very supportive and included me in family dinners and outings so I wouldn’t be alone.

A year ago, I moved away to start a new life for myself.

Dear Abby: Friends Push Overweight Woman To Date But Offer No Help

Dear Abby: Friends Push Overweight Woman To Date But Offer No Help

(Link): Dear Abby: Friends Push Overweight Woman To Date But Offer No Help

Dear Abby:

I’m 37 and still single. I have never been able to keep a guy around very long. They have all given me different reasons, but the main theme is that I’m “too independent and better as a friend.”

I’ve kept some of my exes as friends, so there haven’t been hard feelings. I have accepted that I’m going to always be alone.

I have come to terms with it and made a fairly decent life for myself.

My issue is, everyone keeps insisting there’s someone out there for me.

Dear Abby: A guy’s advice to women dating online

My experience with dating sites has been totally different from what this guy says. The majority of men I ran into when I was on dating sites only cared about what I looked like.

I could tell from their comments and questions to me that they had not bothered to read my personal info or likes and dislikes. Most men care about photos, which is perhaps why so many women are posting so many photos and not going into detail with their biographies or preferences.

(Link): Dear Abby: A guy’s advice to women dating online

DEAR ABBY: As a single man, I have been on a few dating websites, and I’d like to say something to the women I have encountered: What is it about you that makes you worth my time to pursue?

Guy is Dating Button Pusher (Dear Abby)

This letter comes from the same series of letters I quoted from in a post the other day.

This guy wrote to Dear Abby saying:

Dear Abby

• I am currently in a relationship that’s great except for one thing. She knows what “buttons” to push to make me angry, and she’ll continue to push them.

No matter what I do, she’s in my face. It just seems she wants to argue until I reach the point of exploding.

Dear Abby: I Gave Up Dating, and 30 Years Later, I’m Lonely

Dear Abby: I Gave Up Dating, and 30 Years Later, I’m Lonely

This post has been edited to add even more reader comments from other sites that published this Abby letter. Virtually nobody is sympathetic with this guy.

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I was genuinely feeling empathy and sympathy for this dude, right up until this phrase in his letter to Dear Abby:

“I’m not attracted to women my age, and I don’t see younger women being attracted to an overweight old guy…”

Die alone, ageist rat bastard!

You’re in your 70s, by your own admission, you’re dumpy- or tubby- looking and don’t have a great income, but you pine after some 20, 30, or 40 or 50 year old hottie? (And I bet this sexist pig jerk expects any chick he dates to not only be younger but very thin, too.)

Oh get bent, ten times over!

Dear Abby: As Boyfriend Loses Hair, I Lose Interest

Dear Abby: As Boyfriend Loses Hair, I Lose Interest

Secular culture would have you believe that men care about looks in women, while women supposedly only care about money or emotional support from a man, and to that I say: FALSE.

Christians, specifically, Christian gender complementarians, ratchet this up to really emphasize the point.

I’ve heard or seen so many male Christian complementarians (and occasionally, a few women complementarians) hype up this supposed idea that God created men to be “visual,” so they will shame and badger women to stay skinny, diet, exercise, and wear make-up all the time.

The truth is, women are every bit as “visual” as men are. Most hetero women dig a hot, sexy man every bit as much as some hetero men appreciate a hot, sexy woman.

However, complementarians will seldom lecture or advise men to lose weight, go to the gym and work out, or get a toupee if they’re balding.

I think the differences is that most women are willing to cut men slack where as the reverse is not true.

I mean, a woman may prefer a hot, studly looking man, but, if you’re tubby, bald, or sort of ugly she might still be willing to date you if you bring “something else to the table” – such as a lot of money, a steady income, a great sense of humor, intelligence, dependability, or what have you.

I think most women are more wiling to take trade-offs in the “looks” and sex appeal department than most men are.

Other than that, most of both sexes prefer people who are easy on the eyes, but this sexist, irritating stereotype that only men care about looks and only women care about romance (or emotions) persists.

Here is an example of a woman who is turned off by her male partner’s baldness:

(Link): Dear Abby: As Boyfriend Loses Hair, I Lose Interest

DEAR ABBY:
My physical attraction to my boyfriend has significantly diminished due to his baldness.

I know this may seem shallow, but I have lost all interest in intimate contact with him.

Dear Abby: Can an atheist and a devout Christian make it work?

Dear Abby: Can an atheist and a devout Christian make it work?

I believe that the Christian “equally yoked” teaching is stupid and acts as a hindrance to Christian single women who’d like to marry.

Also, (Link):  a lot of self professing Christian men are abusive or pigs, so if you’re a Christian woman, you should marry a guy on the basis of how he treats you – not if he claims to believe in Jesus or not.

By the way, I am a little confused by the heading which says that the letter write is an atheist – in her letter, she seems to say that she does believe in God but is not “as religious” as her boyfriend is.

(Link): Dear Abby: Can an atheist and a devout Christian make it work?

(Link) Dear Abby: Can an atheist and a devout Christian make it work?

DEAR ABBY:

For the first time in my life, I am in love. We met about a month ago. I know he’s the man I have waited my entire life to meet. I am 33, so I know what I feel isn’t just lust.

We have one huge hurdle, though: religion. He’s actively religious, while I am not, and he doesn’t believe our relationship can survive this difference.

Dear Abby: Woman Worries Lazy Fiance Will Also be Lazy Husband

Dear Abby: Woman Worries Lazy Fiance Will Also be Lazy Husband

He’s not going to magically change just because you put a gold band on his finger. If you’re unhappy with him now, you’ll be unhappy with him after you marry him, if you marry him.

(Link): Dear Abby: Woman worries lazy fiance will also be lazy husband

Dear Abby:

My fiance, “David,” and I are getting married soon. We have been living together and engaged for a year, and together eight years. It takes him forever to get things done around the house or buy things we need. I have tried lists and constant reminders.

David recently lost his job and is interviewing to find another one. He loves sports, so he plays softball with his friend in a league, which takes up an entire day of the weekend. When he comes home, he wants to watch sports on TV. The house is old (it was my grandfather’s), and there’s always something that needs doing or fixing.

Woman Wildly Happy She Got Divorced (Dear Abby Column)

Woman Wildly Happy She Got Divorced (Dear Abby Column)

There’s no point in being married if the guy you are married to is inept, self-absorbed, selfish, and/or abusive. Here’s another example of that:

Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: I am writing to share a positive experience I hope will help others. It’s what a relief divorce can be.

I was miserable married to my husband. I used to hear people on the radio talk about their beloved husband or wife, and my heart would twist with regret that I never felt that way.

I spent years almost numb because I was lying to myself about my marriage. I spent years reading books on how to improve our relationship, years going to workshops.

Dear Abby: Parents Stole my Child Support Cash

Dear Abby: Parents Stole my Child Support Cash

Many times, conservative Christians and my fellow social conservatives and right wingers like to insist that parenthood (and marriage) is necessary to ‘fix’ culture or to make people more mature, responsible, and godly.

Problem is, parenthood and marriage does not necessarily make anyone more mature, ethical, and so on, than someone who is single, who never marries, or who never has children.

On this blog, I have link after link (in (Link): other posts on the blog) showcasing numerous real-life examples of married people and/or parents who cheat on each other, abuse children, get arrested for child porn, for soliciting prostitutes, for murdering their spouses or kids, and on and on.

There is nothing intrinsic in the state of being married or being a parent that makes a person more likely to be responsible, mature, or loving. If that were so, Jesus Christ would not have said that humanity’s problem is sin (Jesus Christ did not cite being single and childless as the cause of problems in the world).

To the woman who wrote this letter: your parents are dishonest slime balls who cannot be trusted. If or when you can, break off contact with them! Your parents are toxic and don’t care about you or your needs.

(Link):  Dear Abby: Parents Stole my Child Support Cash

DEAR ABBY: My parents and I were always close. However, recently they stole my debit card, my PIN and child support check. They forged my signature and spent the entire check, which was more than $1,000.

40 Year Old Never Married Woman Asks Dear Abby Why She Keeps Attracting Abusive Men

40 Year Old Never Married Woman Asks Dear Abby Why She Keeps Attracting Abusive Men

My quick response to this woman (I have not yet even read Abby’s reply to her, this is just my response):

If any man asks you any question on a date you are not comfortable answering, you are under NO OBLIGATION to answer.

Simply tell these men something like:

“I will not answer that,” or, “I don’t want to say,” or, “That is none of your business,” or, “I will tell you if our relationship progresses and I feel safe divulging this to you.”

When you are dating a person (especially in the early stages, the first few dates), you do not have to share any information with them that you do not wish! If that is a deal breaker for the ass monkeys you are on a date with, then so be it; it’s their loss.

Dec 2015 letter to Dear Abby:

DEAR ABBY:

• I am turning 40 and have never been married.
• Lately, on dates, men have started asking me why I’ve never married. It makes me uncomfortable, and I don’t know how to answer them.