Why Nice Guys Don’t Get Picked by Women (podcast)

Why Nice Guys Don’t Get Picked by Women (podcast)

This show is by a black lady (Deborrah Cooper), talking about black guys who say they are nice and can’t understand why black ladies don’t want to marry them (or date them). This is applicable to white people too.

White women (and women of other groups) also have to put up with whiny guys who claim to be so nice but yet they can’t get dates, and, according to nice guys, women supposedly prefer ‘bad boys’ or ‘jerks’ (most of us women do not, btw).

Another funny thing I have observed is that self proclaimed “nice guys” get very pissed off by posts such as this one.

Months ago, I posted another ‘nice guy’ post, and some self proclaimed ‘nice guy’ left me a very nasty, rude post (it was a very, very long post; I only skimmed the first few sentence of it, then I deleted it).

If a man were actually “nice” he would not leave me a rude, insulting post 😆

They’re like: “Hello, I am nice! I am so nice! I am such a nice guy. I don’t know why women don’t want to date me, I am so very nice. Burn in hell you stupid bitch. Did I mention how nice I am? Because I am, you stupid whore.”
-me sitting there thinking, “Wait, he just told me he’s “nice” but calls me a bitch, and a whore, and tells me to drop dead? That’s not very “nice.” 😆

The host of the podcast below (Deborrah, aka “Ms Heart Beat”) says one problem is that some nice (black) guys are entitled. They feel just because they are not mugging people, are holding a steady job, and haven’t been in prison, that women should have to jump through hoops to be with them.

That dynamic may be true for white guys too, but a lot of white guys are codependent (at least when it comes to dating and romance): they are too afraid of rejection, unwilling to tell a woman that he has feelings for her, so they play the “nice guy” games with women instead.

There is a small amount of profanity in this broadcast.

(Link): Why Nice Guys Don’t Get Picked by Women (Ms. Heart Beat podcast)

    The troop of Nice Guys cry and whine a lot that women don’t want them and choose ‘dogs’ and ‘thugs’ over them. In reality, women don’t choose you guys because you whine and cry and act like a spoiled brat! Women might want you if you let your light shine and stopped complaining all the time.

By the same lady (it’s for black men, but I see some content in here that is applicable to white people as well):


Reality check for single black men – why you are still single

Excerpts (please use the URL above to see the entire list):

You Suffer From Nice Guy Resentment.

You believe you are hiding the anger you feel at past rejection from new women you meet, but you aren’t. Your resentment at the beautiful women that didn’t want anything to do with you from your buck toothed days in high school is there, just under the surface.

Typically, you make nasty little sniping comments about the female gender when you are with your friends. You visit websites popular with other angry rejects and pump each other up with your hatred against the women that “didn’t appreciate a good black man” like you.

Women see your posts on social media sites and recognize you for the under the bridge troll you are. Some women in your immediate geographic area are personally acquainted with women that made the mistake of dating you. They shared with their friends the hateful or threatening emails and texts you sent after you got dumped, so everyone knows what you are really about.

Your resentment at women for not giving you what you want or not choosing you is no secret. All women with good sense avoid you like the plague.

Every Woman You’re Interested in Puts You in the Friend Zone.

Men get placed in the friend zone for two reasons: (1) you were not in the past, are not now and never will stir her with physical desire; or (2) when you met her you tried too hard to be her friend, never letting her know you were interested in more.

…. be clear that the time you wish to spend with her means you two are “going on a date” not “hanging out.” Those four words will instantly let her know what time it is and what your intentions are. You still may not get the girl, but at least she won’t be confused about why you are with her.

This is from the same page (by Deborrah Cooper) and also very true of white men:

Your Primary Concern is Impressing Other Men.
[aka, You are homely or average-looking but only care that the woman you date looks like Angelina Jolie or a Super Model, and you expect to date such women]

You feel you must have a woman that makes your friends envious, a woman that other men stare at with lust when you take her out. You believe you would feel positively defined and at the top of your manhood game if you could have a woman like that on your arm.

You believe that other men would think more highly of you and that your ego will get a boost if you have a woman that is exceptionally attractive. In truth, how a woman looks to other men should never be the determining factor in choosing a mate for you. How your woman looks does not make you a better man.

Look in the mirror! You are still short, still have man boobs and a belly, are still socially awkward, still an eccentric geek, and you still get on women’s nerves. Trying to impress other men instead of women when you claim to be heterosexual is another reason why you’re still single.

Related posts:

(Link): Nice Guys: Scourge of the Single Woman

(Link): ‘It’s Not Me, It’s You’: A Loser’s Guide to Dealing with Rejection by The Guyliner

(Link): Dating And Sex: Men Who Find Talking to Women Difficult May Soon Have a Hormone Treatment

(Link):  Dudes, Stop Putting Women in the Girlfriendzone

(Link):  Nice Guys Aren’t So Nice After All: Men in the “Friend Zone” Often Have A Hidden Agenda, Say Psychologists (Daily Mail article)

(Link): Nice Guys – the bitter single men who complain women don’t like nice men

(Link): Testosterone-Deficient Gamma Male Whines About the ‘Friend Zone’ (post from The Other McCain) – AKA, Ugly, Fat, Weird, Awkward, or Poor Nice Guys Who Unrealistically Expect to Attract Rich, Pretty, Thin, Socially Normal Women

Awesome Relationship Advice for Single Women by Ms Heart Beat

Awesome Relationship Advice for Single / Unmarried Women by Ms Heart Beat

Ms Heart Beat sometimes writes under the name of Deborrah, and she primarily writes for black ladies, but I, a white lady, totally relate to some of her views.

I don’t always agree with all her opinions, but she is right on the money on some topics. She sometimes peppers her pod casts (or articles) with “adult” language, but don’t let that dissuade you from reading or listening to her material.

Ms. Heart Beat (aka Deborrah), I take it, is not a Christian (though she might be, just not one who subscribes to “gender complementarianism”). I do agree with her that a lot of religious teachings, including ones upheld by evangelical and fundamentalist Christianity – do teach sexism and codependency as acceptable, biblical roles for women under the title of “traditional gender roles” or “biblical gender complementarianism.”

She is also right on the money that women need to hold MEN accountable for MEN’S sexual failings. (That is, for instance, if you are married to a man who sleeps with another woman, you need to be angry at your spouse, not at the mistress.)

Ms. Heart Beat also mentions, in one or both pod casts, that a lot of women think that being single is a fate worse than going to the gas chamber, and that males perpetuate this sort of thinking (and so do segments of Christianity), and she is correct about that – people do in fact make women think that being single is a fate worse than death.

So. You may not agree with all Ms. Heart Beat’s views or all of her word choices (there is cussing involved in these pod casts), but you can learn a lot from her.

edit. Another caveat.
After listening to her podcast entitled, “What is a Hoe and Why a Man Should Happily Marry One,” is pretty much anti-virgin and is basically encouraging men to marry “hoes” (women with prior sexual experience).

She is presenting female virgins as being frigid or bores in bed, which she believes leads married men to cheat… but, as she says in other shows, a man’s sexual failings are his and his alone; it does not matter if the wife is spectacular in bed or a bore, if the man cheats, that’s on him.

Other than that anti-virgin perspective, the rest of her relationship advice is pretty good.

(Link): Are Women Socialized to be Codependent? (podcast)

(Link): The Male Identified Woman (pod cast)

    Explanation of a “male identified” female and how she contributes to the promotion of patriarchial attitudes in both men and women. This episode provides a complete explanation of patriarchy and how it is used in religion, the legal system, society at large, and in our family structure to control females.

    Learn how male-identified women encourage female submission and codependency. Heated discussion of how female indoctrination into the patriarchial mindset makes women believe that being single is akin to going to the gas chamber! How patriarchial attitudes are harming females around the globe and why women must denounce every aspect of their socialization which accepts male dominance and superiority.

I haven’t listened to this one yet, but it looks interesting (and see my “Why I Post Anonymously” page on this blog, go to “About” and the link to it is on the “About” page – I have good reasons why I do not blog under my real name):
(Link): Male War on Women – Stalking and Violence Against Women

    In this final edition of our four part series on the War Against Women we’ll investigate how men view rejection by females, modern dating trends in the “hook up” generation, stalking behaviors, why men murder ex-wives and ex-girlfriends, and birth control sabotage as a weapon in domestic violence.
    The call-in number is 347-327-9215.

(Link): Ms. Heart Beat’s Blog Talk Main Page – where you can listen to more pod casts
Related posts:

(Link): Why Women Should Stop Having Children (by Deborrah)

(Link): The Irrelevancy To Single or Childless or Childfree Christian Women of Biblical Gender Complementarian Roles / Biblical Womanhood Teachings