The Rhetoric of Singleness Blog – Links, Comments, Thoughts

The Rhetoric of Singleness Blog

Warning: I discovered through further reading that the author of the blog is a complementarian. I disagree with complementarianism; more on that below.

Had I known from the start she is a complementarian, I may not have started composing this post. I am leery of pointing anyone to a complementarian resource, but here we are.

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As of today, I see only a small number of posts on the The Rhetoric of Singleness blog, dating from April 2017, and this blog appears to be from a Christian perspective – but then, her blog does not display a list or pull down menu of all her posts.

Even though the blog looks to be on hiatus, I’ll link to it on the off chance the blogger resumes writing again.

The person behind this blog says she’s single, in her 30s, and has yet to marry but would like to.

(Link): The Rhetoric of Singleness Blog – main page

Some of the only posts I am seeing on this blog include:

(Link): Pursuing Marriage

In that “Pursuing Marriage” post, she says she is a believer in gender complementarianism.

For example, here’s part of what she writes:

So, what options does that leave me, a woman with a complementary view of gender roles, of pursuing marriage? I know for some women who see no options left to them there is a strong temptation to bitterness, resentment, and to denigrate our single brothers who are called by God to the leadership role in the pursuit of marriage.

// end excerpt

Oh no. I (Link): used to be a complementarian myself but ditched it by my mid 30s.

I heard all the same stuff from conservative Christians growing up, as this other blogger likely did, such as, how (Link): men are supposed to be the heads in marriages, God supposedly created women pretty much to exist (Link): only to wait on men, and so on.

(And I remained a conservative, even after I realized that complementarianism is false and actually quite sexist – it doesn’t just teach that men and women “complement” one another but that there should be a male hierarchy, of men ruling over women.

Contrary to what complementarians would have you believe, abandoning gender complementarianism will not turn you into a left wing, abortion-supporting, man-hating feminist. I am still right wing, even after leaving complementarianism.)

I am no longer a complementarian, but can pin point complementarianism, among a few other things, as being (Link): one reason as to why I am in my 40s and never got married.

Church Forced Out Woman Who Complained Pastor Regularly Sexually Harassed Her

Church Forced Out Woman Who Complained Pastor Regularly Sexually Harassed Her

As I was sharing with someone on Twitter today, it’s Christian men and Christian churches like this one (mentioned in this story linked to below) that caused me to abandon the “Equally Yoked” doctrine years ago.

(Equally Yoked – Christian belief that a Christian single must only marry another self professing Christian.)

I’m completely serious when I told that person on Twitter I’d rather date a non-perverted atheist than a Christian who sexually harasses women.

Furthermore, look at how the church responded to this woman’s harassment claims – not by protecting and siding with the woman, but by protecting the pervert!

If you are a single Christian woman, churches are not safe places to meet potential mates. Churches are not safe places to get boyfriends or husbands.

I was taught by my Christian parents as I was growing up that I should seek out churches to find dates and a husband, but the older I get, I don’t see churches as being any safer or having better quality men than any other venue.

I would assume that this church is a “gender complementarian” church.

Complementarians often like to bray that they believe women are equal in value to men, just not in role.

Complementarians like to insist that though they teach women cannot have the same rights and roles as men, and that they believe men have “boss like” authority over wives, does not mean that they do not respect women. It’s all a bunch of fake hooey and propaganda.

At the end of the day, look at how complementarians TREAT women, not what they SAY about women: complementarians only feign caring and concern about women and woman’s safety. At the end of the day, complementarians will always throw girls and woman under the bus, especially if it’s to save a man’s career or reputation.

If you are a single Christian (especially a woman or girl), never, ever take dating advice from Christians – because most of them will do things like fire YOU if you complain that a male staffer is harassing you, or, they will tell you to stay married to a man, EVEN IF he is abusing you or you discover he’s looking at child pornography (I have actual examples of all these things on my blog).

(Link):Youth pastor sues Rancho Bernardo Community Presbyterian Church over sexual harassment

Dawn Neldon says she was forced to resign after complaining about new pastor’s inappropriate acts

…A former associate pastor at the Rancho Bernardo Community Presbyterian Church is suing the church and it’s new pastor Bryan Stamper for sexual harassment and for terminating her after she complained to church administrators.

Church-Goer and Her Pastor Lover Killed Her Husband So They Could Be Together

Church-Goer and Her Pastor Lover Killed Her Husband So They Could Be Together

(Disclaimer: I am a conservative, always have been. This does not mean I completely agree with other conservatives on all issues.)

This news story once more disproves several Christian and secular conservative assumptions, such as: marriage makes people more godly, mature, and responsible; that God will not grant an imperfect person a spouse, and that being “Equally Yoked” (marrying another Christian) means that your spouse will be up-standing, a decent person, loving, caring, etc.

(Link):  Church-Goer and Her Pastor Lover Killed Her Husband So They Could Be Together March 2017, by Gail Shortland

Excerpts:

Cindy was devoted to the church and the clergyman who preached there…

…Accountant Cindy Reese, 40, lived with her husband Michael, also 40, in Morris, Alabama. They’d been married six years, and had met after Cindy’s first husband had committed suicide.

The couple had a seemingly normal and idyllic life in their picture-perfect white-painted house nestled under the shade of the trees.

…The couple were religious and regularly attended the local Sardis Baptist Church, where Cindy was also head of music. But things were far from perfect. In 2013, Jeffery Brown, 36, became senior pastor at the church.

Cindy was taken with the clergyman and they started an affair.

‘She Was A Sex Slave’: Wife of Preacher Reveals Horrific Torture At Hands Of Her Husband by L. Little

‘She Was A Sex Slave’: Wife of Preacher Reveals Horrific Torture At Hands Of Her Husband by L. Little

For the billionth time on this blog: marriage does not instill godliness, maturity, kindness, or altruism in a person, as so many conservative Christians and my fellow secular conservatives keep maintaining in their editorials.

If marriage was all that was necessary to instill great character in a person and so on, Jesus Christ would not have needed to die on the cross.

Because Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 7 that remaining single is of more benefit to society (the kingdom of God, specifically) than marriage, in that, supposedly, a Christian single’s energy and attention is not divided between pleasing a spouse and pleasing God, it also makes no sense for Christians to argue that marriage is somehow necessary to fix culture, as they so frequently do.

I no longer agree with the Christian teaching of “be equally yoked” in marriage, because I see no advantage in a woman marrying a Christian man, because (Link): so many of them are abusive or are perverts.

Here is yet another example of that (I have a small number of comments below the long excerpt here):

(Link): ‘She Was A Sex Slave’: Wife of Preacher Reveals Horrific Torture At Hands Of Her Husband | (Tweet)

by L. Little, July 2017

The wife of a radical Australian preacher has broken her silence for the first time on the horrific abuse she suffered for years at the hands of her cruel husband.

But Joy Harris, 63, revealed the most devastating aspect of her ordeal was being shunned by her own son – an Independent Baptist pastor like his Dad – because he blamed her for his father’s evil actions.

“I’m totally heartbroken. He hasn’t even let me see his children, because I have to repent first.”

Speaking in a 60 Minutes exclusive, the Cairns grandmother said she had been raped up to seven time a day by her husband, Pastor Larry Harris.

“He thought the more times a day he could have it, the more of a man he was. He would get up to 6, 7 times a day and he didn’t care if it caused me pain,” she told reporter Liam Bartlett.

Theology of Convenience, Expediency, and Borne of Culture – Christian Preachers and Writers Diminishing Seriousness of Sexual Sin

Theology of Convenience, Expediency, and Borne of Culture – Christian Preachers and Writers Diminishing Seriousness of Sexual Sin

Because American culture has seen a rise in the number of people, even Christians, using pornography and engaging in other forms of sexual sins, I’ve seen a disturbing and curious trend among some Christians (writers, commentators, preachers) in the last few years to downplay the seriousness of sexual sin, and to try to convince other Christians to just accept sexual sin as a normal part of life and marriage now.

And the people who pay for this lowering of standards is usually women. Women are once more expected, by male Christians, to bear the brunt of male sexual sin. Christians are always asking Christian women to endure and put up with male Christian sexual sin.

A few years ago, I created this post: (Link): Male Christian Researcher Mark Regnerus Believes Single Christian Women Should Marry Male Christian Porn Addicts and Regnerus believes as such because rates of porn use among Christian men have gone up quite a bit.

Regnerus feels if too many Christian single women refuse to marry Christian male porn users, then Christian marriage will come to a grinding halt, so, he feels, single women are obligated to marry a porn user, even if they really do not want to.

Not only have I seen articles saying that porn viewing has risen among single Christian men, but I’ve seen articles noting it’s on the rise among (Link): married Christian men (and (Link): women too).

Here are a few additional articles with numbers on Christian porn use:

(Link):  Survey: Alarming rate of Christian men look at porn, commit adultery

(Link): NEW SURVEY OF PORN USE: MEN AND WOMEN WATCHING IN STARTLING NUMBERS (2016)

Christian men view porn almost as much as non-Christians

According to the research approximately 64 percent, or two thirds, of U.S. men admit to viewing porn at least monthly, with the number of Christian men nearly equaling the national average. When divided by age “eight out of ten (79%) men between the ages of 18 and 30 view pornography at least monthly, and two thirds (67%) of men between the ages of 31 and 49 view pornography at least monthly. One half of men between 50 and 68 looks at porn monthly.”

The study claims three out of every 10 men between the ages of 18 and 30 are daily viewers of porn; three percent of women in the same age group purportedly access pornography daily.

— end excerpts —

Because sexual sins are running rampant among Christianity these days, it looks to me as though many Christians have given up, and they want to cave in to culture. They basically want to downplay or redefine certain sexual behaviors as not being so bad, not being truly unbiblical, or damaging.

Almost in all examples I have come across like this, where the male Christian writer is downplaying sexual sin or asking women to “put up with it,” the ones promoting these lax views are conservative Christians who believe in sola scriptura.

Married Father of Six, Preacher Matthew Tague, Arrested for Forcibly Molesting a Minor – Christians, Dump the Equally Yoked Teaching

Married Father of Six, Preacher Matthew Tague, Arrested for Forcibly Molesting a Minor – Christians, Dump the Equally Yoked Teaching

So. Christians keep arguing that single adult Christians should only marry other Christians (equally yoked rule).

Next, we have falsehoods in Christianity that single, childless adults are not as godly or mature as married parents. Marriage and parenthood are necessary ingredients to make a person godly, mature, or loving, most Christians teach.

But I have a non-stop parade of married parents who are FREAKS and DEVIANTS listed on this site, who’ve been charged with, or found guilty of things ranging from soliciting prostitutes, to raping kids, to having sex with dogs.

Also, God does not require that a person clean herself up, become perfect, get more ethical or mature, or more pretty, or more ‘whatever’ before God will send that person a spouse.

If God is allowing deviants like alleged child rapist Tague get a wife, there is no reason in holy hell God would not be permitting some Average Smoe, who is living an Average Life (one that does not involve raping kids), to have a spouse, too.

Please, Christians, explain to me how a CHILD RAPIST somehow ‘merits’ a spouse more than someone like me, who doesn’t rape kids! I’d love to hear that explanation. (I may have my flaws, some shortcomings, but raping kids is not one of them!!, holy smokes.)

Don’t tell me that marriage or parenthood makes a person more loving and godly, when I am forever seeing these type of sick, disgusting news stories:

(Link):  Married Pastor Arrested for Child Molestation; Church Asks for Prayers for ‘Justice and Restorative Healing’

(Link):  Carlsbad Pastor Suspected of Molesting Child for a Year

(Link): California pastor accused of forcibly molesting a minor

A California pastor was arrested Wednesday after being accused of forcibly molesting a minor.

San Diego Sheriff’s Department Child Abuse Unit detectives arrested Matthew Tague, 43,  for multiple counts of lewd and lascivious acts with one victim under the age of 14. Two of the counts are forcible, according to Gospel Herald.

San Diego County Sheriff’s Office Lt. Karen Stubkjaer did not disclose the child’s age or gender.

…Tague has been married for 20 years and has six children, three by birth and three adopted.

(Link):  Carlsbad Pastor Accused of Child Molestation Pleads Not Guilty – NBC News

Matthew Tague, a pastor at the North Coast Calvary Chapel, was arrested for 16 counts of lewd and lascivious acts with one minor victim

A pastor at a Carlsbad church accused of repeatedly molesting a child over the course of about a year pleaded not guilty in court Friday.

Girl, 11, Forced to Marry Rapist by Her Church After Becoming Pregnant – Dump the Equally Yoked Teaching, Christians

Girl, 11, Forced to Marry Rapist by Her Church After Becoming Pregnant

This is one reason of several why I rid myself of the Christian “equally yoked” teaching.

Some of the Christians who believe in this “equally yoked” stuff, and in strict traditional gender roles, are also often the very same ones who hold very low, sick views of girls and women.

I refuse to take dating or life advice from anyone who believes it’s morally acceptable to scold or shame a woman to stay married to a pedophile, to a verbal or physical abuser, or, in this case, to pressure a little girl into marrying her rapist. This is just absolutely revolting.

I swear to dog that some Non-Christians have better morals at times on some issues than most ‘Bible believing,’ gender complementarian, equally- yoked- pushing Christians do.

The guys who raped this girl – two were church-going men – presented themselves as being Christian! Christian men are of no more guarantee to be virtuous and loving than your average Non-Christian, so I see absolutely no sense in single Christian women in restricting their dating pool to only Christian men.

(Link): 11 Years Old, a Mom, and Pushed to Marry Her Rapist in Florida

(Link): Girl, 11, Forced to Marry Rapist by Her Church After Becoming Pregnant

Ashitha Nagesh for Metro.co.uk

Sunday 28 May 2017 4:56 pm

Sherry Johnson is from Florida, a state in which where there is still no minimum age to marry. The man she was made to marry – her rapist – was 20 years old at the time.

Sherry told the (Link): New York Times that a number of other young girls her age at her conservative Pentecostal church were made to marry much older men – which she says was usually to hide rapes by church elders.

She said she herself was raped by both a minister and a parishioner, and gave birth to her first daughter when she was just 10 years old.

Marrying her rapist was one way for the community to end the investigation into the rapes. Even the judge approved the marriage in order to end the police probe, telling the young girl in court, ‘What we want is for you to get married’.

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Related:

(Link): Critique of Matt Chandler Sermon ‘Compromising a Godly Spouse Just to Get Married Yields ‘Heartbreak”

(Link):  I’m a Christian Married to an Atheist — Here’s How We Make It Work by S. Allen

(Link):  Consider The Source: Christians Who Give Singles Dating Advice Also Regularly Coach Wives to Stay in Abusive Marriages

(Link): Is Interfaith Marriage Always Wrong, Given that the Bible Teaches Us Not to Be ‘Unequally Yoked’?

(Link): Forget About Being ‘Equally Yoked’ – Article: ‘My Abusive ‘Christian’ Marriage’

(Link):  Some Christians Have Some Very Strange, Unsettling,  Creepy, or Authoritarian Ideas About Marriage, Divorce, or Mate Selection – and they think they should make your life choices for you

(Link):  Christians Advise Singles To Follow Certain Dating Advice But Then Shame, Criticize, or Punish Singles When That Advice Does Not Work

(Link): Typical Incorrect Conservative Christian Assumption: If you want marriage bad enough, Mr. Right will magically appear

(Link):  Christians Advise Singles To Follow Certain Dating Advice But Then Shame, Criticize, or Punish Singles When That Advice Does Not Work

(Link): Gender Complementarian Advice to Single Women Who Desire Marriage Will Keep Them Single Forever / Re: Choosing A Spiritual Leader

(Link):   The Selfish, Lazy Husband Who Kept Blowing Off His Stressed Wife to Go on World War 2 Reenactments – Male Entitlement in Relationships: Why Women Divorce Men – and Churches and Culture Support This Male Entitlement

She Married A Christian Psychopath She Met Via A Dating Site

She Married a Christian Psychopath She Met Via a Dating Site

There are times I am reading articles, not intending to make any blog posts here, but there’s something in the article that fits with this blog.

In this article, for example, which discusses how experts can spot psychopathy in children as young as age 3, there is a story about a psychopath named Carl.

(The link to the article that mentions the psychopath named Carl is much farther down the page. I wanted to talk about it first before linking to the page.)

The article says that as Carl gets older – around his 20s, I think – he becomes a Christian, meets a woman on a dating site, marries her, has a son with her, and has a few affairs on her, and later gets arrested.

I don’t think the wife in the story realized that the guy she was marrying was a psychopath, not at first.

Using dating sites can be scary – I’ve featured several articles on my blog of women who met men on dating sites who later raped, robbed, or murdered those women. (Sometimes, though not as often, some women use dating sites to rob or kill men.)

Next up, I don’t see the point in Christians promoting the “Equally Yoked” teaching any longer.

I know I have no desire to marry a guy who has been diagnosed to be a psychopath, and who will have affair after affair on me.

A guy who says he’s a Christian or who goes to church regularly is not any better than a guy who is not a Christian or who doesn’t go to church.

In my younger slightly more naive days, I know I likely would’ve given a man such as Carl more benefit of the doubt, had I seen him on a dating site and he proclaimed himself to be a Christian.

I now realize a man saying he’s a Christian doesn’t indicate much of anything. A man who says he’s a Christian can be a rapist, serial killer, or serial adulterer.

The Reason Why Men Marry Some Women And Not Others by D. Brennan

The Reason Why Men Marry Some Women And Not Others by D. Brennan

If you’re a single woman who’d like to be married, you definitely need to read the following page. It’s very long but well worth the read.

I will only copy some excerpts from the page, not the entire thing.

(Link): The Reason Why Men Marry Some Women And Not Others

He’s not a dating expert, nor an advice columnist, psychologist or relationship therapist. His expertise lies in the field of market research and he applies his scientific skills to educate women with all they need to know about men.

In his book, “Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others,” author John Molloy says that women will discover the proven facts and figures that will help them find and marry Mr. Right. Here’s an excerpt:

Is he old enough to marry?

This survey uncovered some interesting facts. The first was that there is an age when a man is ready to marry-the Age of Commitment. The age varies from man to man, but there are patterns that are easily identified:

• …Once men reach age 47 to 50 without marrying, the chances they will marry do not disappear, but they drop dramatically.

Signing off on the scene

When we conducted a focus group with 12 men who had just proposed to women, we learned that men were far more likely to marry when they got tired of the singles scene.

…They had not stopped dating. It’s just that they were no longer going to singles hangouts and trying to pick up women several times a week.

…There were two notable exceptions to the age guidelines: men who were balding or heavy. Losing hair or putting on weight often makes men look older, and when a man looks older in singles places, he is often treated by the women as if he doesn’t belong.

Bachelors for life?

It’s easy to spot a confirmed bachelor. He’s so used to living alone that he will list the pleasures of the solo life-coming and going as he pleases, not answering to anyone as reasons for not marrying. But there’s still hope.

Maryland Pastor Pushes Equally Yoked Doctrine – Which Only Promotes Unwanted Protracted Singleness

Maryland Pastor Pushes Equally Yoked Doctrine – Which Only Promotes Unwanted Protracted Singleness

This is a nauseating page by a pastor in Maryland, named Sean Nolan, for the “Desiring God” web site. (You can see the link below.)

I will comment more about this guy’s essay BELOW it. So please scroll down for some of my commentary – most of which you can already guess if you’ve been to my blog before and have seen my previous posts about this “Equally Yoked” stuff.

(Link): Letter to a Friend Engaged to a Nonbeliever by Sean Nolan

Excerpts from the page:

Dear Kelly,

I was surprised by the recent news of your engagement. While I wish I could celebrate with you without reservation, I admit I have some. My greatest concern is that your fianceé does not know or love Christ. Because I love you and care about your future, I feel compelled to speak now rather than to hold my peace, knowing full well how you might receive my “peace.”

…As I have watched people walk down this road, I have noticed several common ways people justify marrying a nonbeliever. I want to address them…

‘Deadly Wives’ Reality TV Series – ‘Very Devoted Christian’ Woman Who Held Bible Studies Drowned Her Husband in a Pool of Hydrochloric Acid

‘Deadly Wives’ Reality TV Series – ‘Very Devoted Christian’ Woman Who Held Bible Studies Drowned Her Husband in a Pool of Hydrochloric Acid

As I’ve said many times on this blog, there are times I am glad I have never married. After watching this show a few times, I definitely feel that way.

Here is a link or two about the show:

(Link): Deadly Wives: Acid Lady

(Link): Deadly Wives: Crime and Investigation

(Link): Deadly Wives

(Link): Deadly Wives TV Show

I caught a couple of episodes the other day on LIFEtime channel or whatever it’s called of a reality series called “Deadly Wives.”

Usually, it seems abuse and crimes in marriages are male- on- female, but in this show…

It’s a show about women who murder their husbands, female- on- male violence.

The first episode I saw was about a woman who killed her husband by giving him horse tranq via drops in his mouth from a Visine bottle, then she buried him in a vineyard.

The second episode I saw disturbed me far more than the first.

It was about a woman named Larissa, a chemist, who was married to Tim. She knocked Tim out with chloroform, and when he was only partially knocked out (he may have still been alive), she had a male accomplice named James stuff Tim into a large, blue barrel, where upon she dumped about four gallons of Hydrochloric acid on him.

Steve Harvey Offers ‘Sexy Scripture’ to Help Woman With Church Dating

Steve Harvey Offers ‘Sexy Scripture’ to Help Woman With Church Dating

Based on what I’ve read of this guy in the past, he tends to have sexist views of women, or to hand out sexist dating advice.

Though I do have to say I think I may agree him when he says to her that she is unnecessarily limiting her dating pool by only dating dudes in her church.

(Link): Steve Harvey Offers ‘Sexy Scripture’ to Help Woman With Church Dating by C. Thomasas

On Friday, one audience member from his “Steve Harvey” daytime talk show asked for advice about using “sexy scriptures” when dating men from her church.

Steve Harvey is pairing his relationship expertise and Christian faith to help one woman flirt with men at her church using Scripture.

“I’ve been trying to only date good quality guys. So lately I’ve been dating guys from my church,” the woman in Harvey’s audience revealed during the “Ask Steve” segment of the show. “The problem Steve is that they only want to talk about the Bible. Although I love the Lord, this makes our conversation very stale and boring.”

Teen Girl Gets Raped at Summer 2016 Baptist-Hosted Youth Event by Staff Cook

Teen Girl Gets Raped at Summer 2016 Baptist-Hosted Youth Event by Staff Cook

This sort of thing sends chills up my spine. I was raised by my Christian parents to ASSUME that Christian areas – such as churches and so on – are safe places to be, and a good place to meet single men to flirt with in the aim of getting married. But I continue to see news story after news story of girls and women who are raped, fondled, or secretly recorded on church grounds or at church-sponsored events (and by men who are Christians, too).

(Link):  Girl, 13, Allegedly Raped by Cook at Popular Church Summer Camp

March 2017

by L. Blair

The world’s largest church summer youth camp, hosted at a conference center owned and operated by the Baptist General Convention of Oklahoma, could come under greater scrutiny this year after it was alleged in a recent lawsuit that a 13-year-old girl was tied up and brutally raped by a 35-year-old cook last summer.

…In the civil lawsuit that names the Baptist General Convention of Oklahoma, Country Estates Baptist Church of Midwest City, and First Baptist Church of Terrell as defendants, the unidentified 13-year-old girl claims she was raped by camp cook Benjamin Lawrence Petty of Midwest City on June 16, 2016.

Pastor Forced to Flee Naked After Parishioner Finds Him in Bed With Wife and Once Wrote A Book About Godly Manhood

Pastor Forced to Flee Naked After Parishioner Finds Him in Bed With Wife and Once Wrote A Book About Godly Manhood

Another web page I saw about this story says that the pastor may have been married when sleeping with one of these women, which means he was committing adultery on his own wife (not just with some other guy’s wife). The story below seems to indicate that the pastor was married while sleeping with another guy’s wife.

Several lessons to derive from this news story below:

Equally Yoked is a stupid teaching single Christians should feel comfortable trashing and disregarding. If you’re a single Christian woman, find yourself a nice, reliable Non-Christian guy to marry, which will considerably widen your dating pool, since so many Bible-reading, church-going Christian men are cheaters, fornicators, and perverts (I am not arguing that all Non-Christian men are upstanding great guys, however).

Secondly, let this show that married people (or the previously married) are NOT more godly, mature, or ethical than single adults.

Lastly, this shows that God does not demand or expect an adult to clean himself up before God will allow that person to marry.

(Link):  Pastor Forced to Flee Naked After Parishioner Finds Him in Bed With Wife

Jan 23, 2017

by Leonard Blair

The Rev. O. Jermaine Simmons Sr., pastor of the popular (Link): Jacob Chapel Baptist Church in Tallahassee, Florida, who recently authored a book focused on issues of godly manhood, was sent running for his life last Tuesday after one of his parishioners found him in bed with his wife.

Cheating Christian Man Tells Wife He is Not Built for Marriage – Take Carrie’s Advice On Cheating Jerks – Equally Yoked Is A Stupid Teaching

Cheating Christian Man Tells Wife He is Not Built for Marriage – Take Carrie’s Advice On Cheating Jerks – Equally Yoked Is A Stupid Teaching

A Christian woman wrote to Pat Robertson, host of the Christian show ‘The 700 Club,’ with the following letter (you can view the video segment with this letter, as well as listen to Pat Roberson’s reply to her (Link): here (You Tube)):

[Dear Pat Robertson]

I married a man who I thought was a Christian … even though I knew he cheated on me a year before I married him.

He is addicted to porn and I just recently found out he was talking to another woman.

They both said they did not have sex, but I am crushed.

Is this adultery? What should I do? He says he wasn’t made for marriage,

[Signed] Caroline.

Robertson basically tells her she does not have grounds to divorce the guy (I disagree with him. More on that farther below).

Pastor Refuses to Step Down After Sex Tapes With Multiple Women Are Made Public

Pastor Refuses to Step Down After Sex Tapes With Multiple Women Are Made Public

Many of today’s American churches are more consumed with making sure the rank and file, average pew sitters are held accountable to church discipline, but pastors (especially of mega churches or famous pastors, like the ones who have their own TV shows) don’t feel that the same rules apply to them.

This article says that this guy was married (later got divorced) and was a preacher at a church.

Let all those facts belie usual conservative Christian propaganda and stereotypes which say things like – Marriage is necessary to make people more godly and mature (singles are supposedly not as godly and mature as marrieds); marriage makes people more sexually pure than singles; and, you have to be godly or close to perfect before God will send you a spouse or allow you to marry.

My parents taught me to buy into the idea that church is the safest and best place for a single adult like me who wants to be married to find a great marital partner.

Supposedly, the thinking goes, the quality of people one finds at a church will be a step above those one would find at a bar or night club. After seeing millions of stories like this one, about a church pastor who was boinking church members and/or those outside his church, I realize this is faulty thinking. I now suspect the quality of people one finds at a local bar may be of HIGHER quality than that of a church.

Also, I see no point in holding out for an “equally yoked” marriage, since so many self professing Christian men are abusive or sexual perverts.

As an added bonus, at least one article quotes a former church member as saying this same debauched pervy pastor was preaching against sexual sin (such as fornication) in the pulpit, all the while he himself was fornicating with numerous women and asking them to make sex tapes with or for him.

(Link):  Pastor Refuses to Resign Despite Multiple Sex Tapes Surfacing

(Link):  Houston Church Wants ‘Pastor’ Out After Admitting to Making Sex Tapes

HOUSTON, Texas — Some members of a congregation in Houston, Texas are calling for their pastor to resign after he admitted to making multiple sex tapes while serving in the ministry when a woman came forward about the matter.

“He’d been preaching multiple times about fornication, about shacking up. And to find out that you’ve been making sex tapes throughout your whole adult life—[as] recently [as] two or three years ago—and you’re a man of God at the highest point in a church,” member Lecobeun Lewis told local television station Fox 26 earlier this month. 

He says that he won’t return to Salem Missionary Baptist Church, led by Hosea Stubblefield, 32, until Stubblefield steps down.

Married Reformed Baptist Preacher Tom Chantry Indicted On Multiple Child Sex Abuse Counts and His Reformed Buddies Are Ticked This is Being Discussed Online by Other Christians

Married Reformed Baptist Preacher Indicted On Multiple Child Sex Abuse Counts and His Reformed Buddies Are Ticked This is Being Discussed Online by Other Christians

Warning: This post contains a few crass terms or salty language. There is an update below, and a new link or two.

Dec 27, 2016 update, from “Thou Art The Man” blog:

(Link): Chantry Jailed; ARBCA Appears To Have Covered Up Abuse

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According to different sources I’ve read here, there, and around the internet, this guy who is in trouble for alleged child sex abuse, Tom Chantry, is married, a pastor, he worked at a church, and later worked at a Christian school of some kind, and he has some children of his own (though I am not clear if these are his biological kids or kids by his wife’s previous marriage – I think she may have been married before).

I’m not sure if am understanding correctly, but I think this Chantry guy may have been married twice. I might have that wrong – he might only have the one marriage.

Christians will often tell single Christians that they must abide by the “equally yoked” teaching, which they say means a single Christian can marry only another Christian.

I see no purpose in that restriction, since, first of all, it’s impractical (single female evangelicals out-number the male ones), and secondly, there is no difference overall, say, in behavior, between a professing Christian man and ordinary Non-Christian men.

I cannot think of any reason a normal, sane single Christian woman would want to marry, or stay married to, a professing Christian man who is a child molester.

News items like this also go to show that marriage does not make a person more sexually pure, ethical, godly, mature, or loving.

There is nothing intrinsic about marriage which causes a person to be more moral than someone who is not – if there were, I doubt the Bible would tell us humanity’s only “cure” for sin was Jesus Christ. The Bible would prescribe marriage for sin if marriage could “cure” anyone, but it does not.

Many conservative Christians continue to hold this attitude, and even to publish blog posts or give sermons, that suggest that there is something wrong or flawed with any adult being single past the age of 25 or 30. Christians continue to behave as though marriage is some sort of magical elixir that makes a person responsible, mature, godly, and loving.

Lastly, that even a perverted, gross, deviant alleged child molester is capable of getting married should also put to bed at long last the other conservative or evangelical Christian common teaching that God requires all single adults to be perfect, or “in shape,” before he will reward them with a spouse.

When we keep seeing (Link): so many stories of married Christian men who are arrested for child molesting, domestic violence, and all manner of other terrible things, reveals a person does not have to earn some level of perfection before God will permit that person to have a spouse.

To start, here is a news story about Chantry – with more commentary and more links below (there are other angles to this story):

(Link): Former Prescott pastor [Tom Chantry] charged with child molestation

A few excerpts:

by Scott Orr, Nov 26, 2016

PRESCOTT – A minister in the Baptist church, who left the area 10 years ago, has been indicted on multiple counts accusing him of sexually molesting children in 1995, 1996, and 1998 to 2001 while he was pastor of a church in Prescott.

Thomas Jonathan Chantry, 46, faces five counts of molestation of a child, related to two minors, and three counts of aggravated assault on three separate minors as well.

I’m a Christian Married to an Atheist — Here’s How We Make It Work by S. Allen

I’m a Christian Married to an Atheist — Here’s How We Make It Work by S. Allen

I have a (Link): bazillion examples on this blog of Christian men who are arrested or found out for things like wife beating, child molesting, or other horrible things.

As I’ve said many times before, I’m done with the ‘Equally Yoked’ teaching, because I don’t see the sense in it.

Why should any single, Christian woman hold out for a single, Christian man, when, number one, females outnumber males in Christianity, so your chances of getting one are slim to none, and secondly, men professing to believe in Jesus does not make them marriage material.

I’m sorry to be so repetitive, but, I’d rather marry a decent, kind, loving NON-CHRISTIAN man, than marry a wife-beating, drug addicted, child- porn- watching man who professes Christ, reads a Bible, and-or who attends a church regularly.

I think in this particular case, the man started out atheist while they were dating, became a Christian after they married, but reverted back to atheism later – but their marriage is surviving.

Some of the people who left comments below her post on this other site (XO Jane) are criticizing her piece.

(Link): I’m a Christian Married to an Atheist — Here’s How We Make It Work

Excerpts:

by S. Allen

I grew up in a Christian household, but not a fundamentalist one. My parents were strict, but I didn’t have a problem with it.

[The author states that during her college years, she hit a faith crisis – was still a Christian but having doubts about the faith.
She signed up for the dating site “Plenty of Fish” which is how she met her atheist boyfriend Dave.
She then came completely back to her faith, felt guilty about having an “unequally yoked” relationship, but stuck with Dave. They married.
Dave became a Christian but then reverted back to atheism. The author, Sarah, and Dave later had two sons together.]

…We have been married 11 years and we have an inter-faith-ish marriage. How do we do it without having a holy war in our house on the regular? Well, sometimes there are arguments about our faith or lack thereof. But mostly we have a pretty peaceful life.

It comes down to communication, respect, and love — just like any relationship.

Church Used Adult Married Man Who Raped Teen as a Worship Team Member in their Church

Churches Used Adult Married Man Who Raped Teen as a Worship Team Member in their Church

Several spiritual abuse blogs covered this story, as well as a handful of mainstream media outlets. (Links to the story are farther below).

From what I’ve read, this adult married man raped a young lady. He was, I think, in his mid-30s at the time of the rape, and his victim was around 13 years old. (Some of these articles are saying he had more than one young victim.)

At the time this story broke, I believe he was working in a library.

One of the spiritual abuse blogs dug up the information that this guy’s current wife is his THIRD WIFE, and they have children (however, I am unclear if these kids are his biological kids with this third wife, or if they are her kids from a prior marriage).

This church in Tennessee was allowing this sicko to act as a bass player on stage during various church services.

Many conservative Christians like to teach this falsehood that being married and being a parent are vital to making a person mature, godly, ethical, and loving, which is so much BUNK and nonsense, considering we have stories such as this one, where a man has been married THREE times in his life but raped kids before.

How did being thrice married prevent this creep from sexually assaulting girls? It did not. Marriage is not some kind of special salve or condition that makes a person behave in a moral fashion.

Report: Sleazy Christian Celebrity Evangelist Clayton Jennings Uses Youth Ministry to Groom Young Women Into Casual Sex Then Offers Them Morning After Pill

Report: Sleazy Christian Celebrity Evangelist Uses Youth Ministry to Groom Young Women Into Casual Sex Then Offers Them Morning After Pill

This report comes by way of J. D. Hall, who I am not a fan of (I’ve blogged about him before). My Twitter acquaintance, DefendTheSheep, first tweeted the link to this page, which was written by Hall; she felt it was worth a look.

Even though I do not much care for Hall and consider him somewhat of a bully, I do think it’s good he’s shedding light on this instance of sexual abuse.

(Link): Celebrity Preacher Clayton Jennings: Sex, Alcohol, and the Morning After Pill

Updates:

(Link): Clayton Jennings: His Admission, New Victims and FAQ

(Link): Disgraced Evangelist Clayton Jennings Enlists “Mentor” Tony Nolan for Dramatic Apology Video

(Link): Clayton Jennings: His Victim Speaks Up

(Link): Revoked: Clayton Jennings Loses Ministry Endorsement of Home Church

(Link): Celebrity Preacher Loses ‘License’ After Wooed Women Come Forward Citing Sex, Booze & Morning-After Pill

(Link):  Evangelist Clayton Jennings Steps Away From Ministry After Multiple Sex Partners Come Forward (Dec 2016)

According to Hall’s report, this evangelist guy, Jennings, uses his ministry to groom young women into one-night stands.

According to Hall, Jennings targeted one young woman who he saw on Facebook – he contacted her first and began flirting with her (my understanding is that she was following his Facebook ministry page). He started messaging her, asking her to send him nude photos of herself.

She attempted to rebuff him, but Jennings was quite persistent. He told her he felt as though God wanted him to marry her, etc, and so on – lots of sweet talk.

It appears to me, based on Hall’s writing, as though this Jennings guy is using his ministry to exploit naive, young women who have terrible boundaries.

His pastor father stepped in to defend him, too. The whole family sounds like a family of dirt bags.

This is yet another example of why I encourage single, Christian women to drop the “equally yoked” teaching.