Woman Podcaster Killed by Former Male Listener Who Became Her Stalker – Good Lesson in Using a Pseudonym Online, Not Befriending Your Listeners or Readers IRL (ATTN: Codependents and Empaths)
The following news story, of a male podcast listener who began by befriending, then stalking, a woman podcaster (before murdering her and her husband) is one reason of a few why I like to stay Anonymous on my blog.
I’ve been screamed at in years past (by liberals, progressives, and at least one conservative man) for not writing under my real name here or on my Twitter account, or for refusing to divulge this information to them privately when they e-mailed me or tweeted me about it.
Some of these readers get infuriated and vehemently demand that I reveal more details about myself, including my real name – when it’s none of their business.
The liberals and progressives obviously want my identity only so that they can harass me off-line and get me fired from any job I hold. That is their intent – I knew that years ago, before progressive cancel culture began in earnest.
During the years I used to be very empathetic and a total Codependent, I intuitively knew to keep overtly hostile, controlling people at arm’s length.
However, it took me much longer, after accumulating life experience and researching topics later in life, such as Vulnerable (Covert) Narcissism and Sociopathy, to be on guard for subtle, non-aggressive, emotional manipulation, where a person will use guilt trips, kindness, and so on, to chip away at your boundaries in a very nice manner.
Some of these dishonest, troubled individuals will use your kindness and empathy against you to manipulate you into doing what they want.
I’ve had a few people I’ve met online pester me about something I initially told them “no” in response to, some request they made, but they pestered me in a very friendly, kind-hearted way to drop one or more of my boundaries, so they got me from saying “no” to saying “yes.”
That one lady, “Emma,” who approached me to befriend me online (that I talked about here, among other posts – she came across my twitter and this blog and approached me, I did not approach her) spent about a year to year and a half, very politely pursuing me, jovially and cheerfully hounding me to cave in and let her know more about me.
I kept politely telling her “no” for many months, but I finally caved in and befriended her on other social media sites; I let her get to know more about me after a year or more of her friendly pestering. I should’ve stuck to my boundaries and kept her at arm’s length.
Back then, it was more difficult for me to spot when people were using (fake) kindness to get me to lower my boundaries: I had my guard up at that time against hostile (the rude, angry, demanding) attempts, which are easier to spot.
Also, if you’re an empath, a people pleaser, or a codependent, this may be eye opening for you, but:
1) not everyone is as kind hearted, giving, and empathetic as you.
Stop assuming others are as loving as you are.
Stop projecting your kindness and empathy on to other people.
Some people, due to having personality disorders, are literally incapable of having empathy, but they will use yours against you to exploit you.
2) You have to become more choosy about who and when you give your affection, empathy, and time (or money) to
Almost everyone in life is undergoing some kind of problem.
Almost everyone is still walking around (even into their 40s and older) with left over wounds from childhood.
Many people, even into their 40s, 50s, and older, are lonely (even if they’re married, they’re being emotionally neglected by their spouse).
A lot of people are hungering to be heard, seen, and listened to and empathized with.
Many of these hurting, lonely, lost, emotionally needy or wounded people would love nothing more than to have an empathetic emotional rock, a caring sounding board, who they can rely on to get their emotional needs met.
If you allow them, they will call or text you daily to weekly to monthly to complain about their pain (both physical and emotional), how others have let them down and hurt them, or how nothing in their life ever works out, or how they were abused or misused by their family or ex spouse.
You will hear (in great detail, for hours, over months to years) about every pain and frustration they’ve ever had in their life, and/or whatever their current problems are.
You cannot save such people, no matter how much empathy, attention, and emotional support you give them: and it will never end.
These types of people (some of whom have BPD or Vulnerable Narcissism) are endless black holes of emotional need or emotional dis-regulation with an identity crisis, asking and demanding that you fill those needs, regulate their dysfunction, and provide them with a stable identity.
However, you cannot do any of that constantly or permanently for them, no matter how loving and kind you are. You’re just human with your own needs to deal with.
And they will very rarely give you support and validation in return. They will drain you dry, leaving you mentally (and perhaps physically) exhausted.
If you have a blog, video channel, podcast, or some other way you are online publicly, I’d advise using a fake name, no matter how many temper tantrums some of your readers or listeners pull.
If you use your real name on your video channel, blog, or podcast, be very careful about who you permit into your life.
This is ten times more true if you have poor boundaries, you’re overly empathetic, are reluctant (or too afraid, or feel guilty) to turn other people down and say “no” to them, and/or you’re a codependent.
If not, you’re going to have one of these mentally disturbed lunatics possibly hunt you down IRL (in real life) and murder you.
Or, at the very least, they will start contacting you frequently, draining you mentally dry, wearing you down to the point of exhaustion, because they want you to give them constant emotional support, and they will make no effort to take responsibility for their own happiness and to make changes in their life.
They will come to depend on YOU to “make them happy” (which you and no other person can do), or to regulate them emotionally. You’re not obligated to be anyone’s compassionate free therapist.
Anyway, notice that being married did not keep this woman safe. Her stalker murdered both her and her husband. Being married didn’t give this woman a happy fairy tale ending.
(Link): Texas trucker, 38, kills Seattle ‘podcaster’ he’d been stalking AND her husband after climbing through a window of their $1m home: Victim’s mother escaped and called 911
March 10, 2023
by Jen Smith
A Texas trucker killed a Seattle podcast host he had been stalking and her husband last night after climbing through a window of their $1.6million suburban home.
Redmond Police say Zohreh Sadeghi, 33, was shot and killed by trucker Ramin Khodakaramrezaei, 38, last night. Sadeghi’s husband, Mohammed Naseri, 35, was also killed.
Police say Khodakaramrezaei was a listener and became so obsessed with her that she filed a restraining order against him.
Court records obtained by DailyMail.com show there was a warrant for his arrest on charges of telephone stalking and stalking. The criminal complaint was filed against him a week ago.
At 2am last night, the trucker broke into the home in Redmond, Washington, shot her and her husband before turning his gun on himself.
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