Nearly Half of Single People Receive Unsolicited Nudes, Get Ghosted: Poll – and a Few Dating Tips
The page I’ve linked to below has some “first date dating tips,” a few of which I’ve included in my post.
May I add another tip or two (this is especially for single women), and this is also applicable to friendships, family relationships, and any job you have (your co-workers or bosses):
Please spend time researching Narcissistic Abuse and Cluster B personality disorders (which includes but is not limited to Narcissism and Sociopathy).
Particularly if you are a woman, and you’re a shy, people pleasing or codependent woman, you may be prone to over-sharing when you meet someone new (whether a date, a co-worker, etc) because you mistakenly think that sharing personal details when you first meet someone will establish intimacy.
You need to throw that thinking, assumption, and behavior into the trash can immediately.
One reason you do NOT want to overshare early in a relationship (as one of the tips gets into below – and remember, this is applicable to friendship and co-workers too, not JUST dating) is that the person you are dating might be a Cluster B,
and a Cluster B person will exploit any personal information or weaknesses you admit to, or that they can pick up from observing you, to control or manipulate you as the relationship progresses.
Such persons (especially Vulnerable Narcissists) will get you to talk about yourself WAY too much on a first or second date (and of course psychopaths and sociopaths will use this strategy too, but it seems to be a little more of a classical move that Vulnerable Narcissists play).
They may start out acting very, very interested in you, asking you all sorts of questions about what makes you “tick,” about your background, what kind of family you come from, etc.
You need to be careful how much or what type of that information you share.
You can also choose to refuse to answer any questions out-right, just tell the person, “I choose not to answer that question.” If they keep pressing or nagging you into giving an answer, just keep repeating over and over (however many times necessary), “I decline to answer that question.”
You do not always owe other people answers (not all the time with all people in every situation – this is highly context specific, but on a first, second, third, fourth, etc., date, NO, you do NOT owe your date answers to any or all questions!), nor do you owe people justifications or explanations for whatever choices you make in life, either.
Vulnerable (also known as Covert) Narcissists (and other Cluster B persons) try to pry into your personal business and learn about weak areas and regrets as much as they can, not because they truly care about you or your background, or your likes, your triggers, or your vulnerabilities, but they want that information so that they can use it to exploit and control you with later on.
They will eventually intentionally bring up your triggers, your weak spots, and/or shame you with painful or embarrassing things you admitted to them on a first or second date.
For example, if you admit early on in a relationship to always having had body issues and insecurities, to feeling embarrassed about not being stick thin, then as time moves on, they will more than likely start mocking you about your weight, or making thinly veiled insults
– like if they walk in seeing you eating a slice of pie, they may make a low key snide dig like, “Oh, is that your second piece of pie today?,” or, “Do you really think with your weight issues you should be eating that?”
They are doing that kind of thing on purpose. It’s calculated to make you feel shame. It is deliberate.
They want to chip away at your self esteem so that you are easy to control, abuse, and manipulate.
Some of them, especially the Covert Narcissists, will sometimes feign innocence and act as though they really and truly DO care about your weight and your health when they make comments about you eating another piece of pie. But they don’t actually care about your health or your weight.
Their end goal is to shame you more so they can control you, and you unknowingly tipped them off early in the dating stages that they can use your sensitivity about your body image / weight to clobber you with down the road.
One good book on this topic to get you started, what to look for early on in dating (or in forming friendships, or what to look for on job interviews to make sure you’re not walking into a toxic work environment with an abusive boss or co-workers),
and to learn about some of the typical emotionally manipulative games Cluster B persons play on their targets, is this book:
“Psychopath Free” by Jackson MacKenzie.
The book “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin DeBecker also offers a few similar insights.
(Link): Nearly half of single people receive unsolicited nudes, get ghosted: poll
by Jack Hobbs
March 28, 2023
Single people who’ve been ghosted or sent an unsolicited nude photo — you’re not alone.
A new poll revealed that nearly half of the single people asked have been victims of nasty dating etiquette.
The dating app Plenty of Fish created a survey along with a dating guide in partnership with life coach Michelle Elman to help single people avoid “undesirable dating behaviors and engineer more positive experiences.”
“Helping daters understand and navigate different behaviors on their dating journey is something I’m really passionate about, which is why I’ve partnered with Plenty of Fish to create the Desirable Dating Guide,” Elman told the Sun. “The guide highlights some of the negative behaviors and experiences that can occur in the dating world, while also shining a light on how singles can enact some positive change.”
According to the survey, which sampled nearly 4,000 British singles, 48% of respondents said that they received unsolicited nude photos from a match or date — with 45% of the 48% revealing that it made them feel disgusted.
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