Single Adult Christian Pressured Into Marriage by Her Church – And Regrets It

Single Adult Christian Pressured Into Marriage by Her Church – And Regrets It

A few excerpts by a single adult who was pressured to marry by her church but later regretted the marriage and divorced:

(Link): Singles ‘Need’ The Freedom To Choose by All Thinx Christian

I would never have thought the church would be a place where people were compelled to be married, but I found out the hard way that it is.

…Despite my yieldedness  and commitment to the LORD and His people, I was somewhat marginalized and often treated badly (disrespected and short-changed whenever possible) by God’s people.

When I complained about and challenged this behavior in one of the pastors I highly regarded and who was my mentor at the time, he informed me the problem with giving me full leadership support and integrating me into the life of the church was due to unmarried state. He said to me “If you were married, it would be different.”

After about another year of this very painful treatment and believing that the only reason for it was because I was unmarried, one day I went before the LORD and said “If marriage is what it will take for me to be properly treated in the church, then send me somebody and I will marry him.”

Continue reading “Single Adult Christian Pressured Into Marriage by Her Church – And Regrets It”

She’s Waiting Until Marriage to Have Sex. Here’s Her Response to Those ‘Inevitable Jerks’ Who Think Her Decision Is ‘Stupid’. – by E. Kahn

She’s Waiting Until Marriage to Have Sex. Here’s Her Response to Those ‘Inevitable Jerks’ Who Think Her Decision Is ‘Stupid’ – by E. Kahn

These days, society should be respecting persons who are virgins, whether due to their choice, or because they have not been able to find a suitable partner.

We’re living in a culture that expects us to salute and respect all sexual orientations and behavior, from asexuality to homosexuality, but the same people who expect us to embrace those sexual lifestyles or orientations mock or criticize virginity or celibacy. It’s hugely hypocritical.

I would note on my blog again that leftist secularists are not the only ones who disrespect virginity and celibacy: so do many right wingers and conservative Christians – I have several blog posts with examples of that and analysis.

The following appears on the right wing site The Blaze –

(Link): She’s Waiting Until Marriage to Have Sex. Here’s Her Response to Those ‘Inevitable Jerks’ Who Think Her Decision Is ‘Stupid’

-They in turn got this story from these sites:

(Link): She’s Waiting Until Marriage to Have Sex. Here’s Her Response to Those ‘Inevitable Jerks’ Who Think Her Decision Is ‘Stupid’

January 26, 2016

A young woman who described herself as a “religious Jew” who is waiting until she’s married to have sex has a message for all of the “inevitable jerks” who think that she’s “some lonely, naive little girl” who is “stupid for believing in waiting.”

In a blog post published on relationship website YourTango and on the Huffington Post, Estee Kahn said that she has never seen herself as being “extreme” when it comes to her religion or values, but that many people somehow see her decision to abstain from sex in that light.

Noting that Jews, among many other religious adherents, believe in waiting until marriage to have sex, she said that some people have a hard time understanding why she believes that sex should be reserved for matrimony.

“When I explain my decision to people, they accept it — and some even praise it,” Kahn wrote. “But then there’s those inevitable jerks who think I’m some lonely, naive little girl and that I’m stupid for believing in waiting. I even get this from Jewish men, too.”

Continue reading “She’s Waiting Until Marriage to Have Sex. Here’s Her Response to Those ‘Inevitable Jerks’ Who Think Her Decision Is ‘Stupid’. – by E. Kahn”

GOP Consultant Rick Wilson to MSNBC: Trump Supporters ‘Childless Single Men Who Masturbate to Anime’

GOP Consultant Rick Wilson to MSNBC: Trump Supporters ‘Childless Single Men Who Masturbate to Anime’

I am right wing, and a Republican (though I am lately thinking about leaving the GOP, but not for the Democrats. Both the GOP and the Democrats are disappointing, but for different reasons).

I have said on this blog before that many Republicans (or at least a percentage) are stuck in the 1950s, and that they idolize the nuclear family. They ostracize or marginalize anyone who is not married with children (which is quite what conservative Christians do).

Some of the following links pertain to Donald Trump. I know a lot of people find Trump polarizing, but I don’t have strong opinions for or against the guy.

I don’t keep up with politics as much as I used to do, so I just happen to see the occasional blurb or Tweet about Trump. From what I’ve seen the last several months, Trump says offensive or over the top things. Every so often, he makes a point that I agree with a tiny bit.

It’s highly inappropriate for a Republican to trash un-married or childless men for any reason, but I’d also include doing so for the sake of taking Trump down a peg or two. Insulting people for being single or childless, or in the context of scoring political points, is totally uncalled for.

I suppose the GOP yea-hoo who made these disparaging remarks about single or childless people is unaware that most Americans today are single, and more and more are forgoing parenthood (Link about that and see this link).

(Link): GOP strategist slams ‘crazy’ Trump fans: ‘Childless single men who masturbate to anime’

Continue reading “GOP Consultant Rick Wilson to MSNBC: Trump Supporters ‘Childless Single Men Who Masturbate to Anime’”

In Editorial about Abortion, Left Wing Site ‘Raw Story’ Author Assumes All Or Most Young People Are Having Sex – Fornication Does Not Have To Be Taken As A Given

In Editorial about Abortion, Left Wing Site ‘Raw Story’ Author Assumes All Or Most Young People Are Having Sex – Fornication Does Not Have To Be Taken As A Given 

I usually cover my fellow right wingers on this site, how they and conservative (and liberal) Christians assume sexual self control is impossible (among other topics); how the idea of anyone remaining celibate is a foreign idea to them, or one which they mock.

Here is an example from a secular, liberal site whose author seems to assume all or most young people will have pre-marital sex (I don’t really care to focus on all the other points this pro-abortion page makes):

(Link): Who to blame for high abortion rates? The religious right — they push laws that increase the killing of fetuses by George Monbiot

Excerpts
(please note the portion I placed in bold faced type; I shall comment briefly on some of the other comments as well below the excerpts):

  • Young people have sex, whatever their elders say – they always have, and always will.
  • Those with the least information and the least access to birth control are the most likely to suffer unintended pregnancies. And what greater incentive could there be for terminating a pregnancy than a culture in which reproduction out of wedlock is a mortal sin?

Continue reading “In Editorial about Abortion, Left Wing Site ‘Raw Story’ Author Assumes All Or Most Young People Are Having Sex – Fornication Does Not Have To Be Taken As A Given”

Sex, God, and a Generation That Can’t Tell the Difference – Millennials Are the “Judge the Prude” Generation on Sexual Morality (from the Millennial Evangelical blog)

Sex, God, and a Generation That Can’t Tell the Difference –  Millennials Are the “Judge the Prude” Generation on Sexual Morality (from the Millennial Evangelical blog)

This editorial is aimed primarily at Millennials, or is primarily about them, but as someone who is Gen X, I can tell you that the attitudes towards sex that this article attributes to Millennials also holds true for individuals who are older than the Millennials.

I, too, have noticed that our culture disdains judging any and all forms of sexual behavior except for virginity (or celibacy): both right wingers and left wingers, and many Christians and most Non-Christians, are very disparaging and disrespectful towards the concepts of virginity, and towards adult virgins themselves.

Virginity (and celibacy) is shamed, ridiculed, and mocked in our culture by just about every one in every age group, regardless of political affiliation or religious beliefs.

I do not see an author’s name on this page, but it comes from the Millennial Evangelical blog. (Edit. There is someone named Chris Martin listed at the bottom of the page; I assume he is the author?)

(Link): Sex, God, and a Generation That Can’t Tell the Difference –  Millennials Are the “Judge the Prude” Generation on Sexual Morality by Chris Martin (?)

Excerpts:

  • ….The only thing Millennials are black-and-white on when it comes to matters of sexual morality is that you aren’t allowed to be black-and-white on sexual morality.
  • Before, it was stigma to sleep with someone before marriage or with a partner outside of your marriage. Today, college students are shamed as cowards and prudes for retaining their virginity on campuses across the country.
  • Before, you kept your sexual activity quiet for fear of shame; today, you keep your sexual inactivity quiet for the same reason.

Continue reading “Sex, God, and a Generation That Can’t Tell the Difference – Millennials Are the “Judge the Prude” Generation on Sexual Morality (from the Millennial Evangelical blog)”

The Obscure History of the ‘the Disease of Virgins’ that Could be Cured with Sex

The Obscure History of the ‘the Disease of Virgins’ that Could be Cured with Sex

I first saw this tweeted by left wing site Raw Story. The story discusses how people in the 16th or 17th century believed that virginity was a disease, or that it could lead to certain types of diseases, and the only cure was for the virgin to have sexual intercourse.

A lot of left wingers (but some right wingers) also today, in 2016, regard adult virginity (or maybe even teen age virginity) as being a form of psychological repression, or an oddity, or some kind of disease. So I don’t really think we’ve come too far in that regard.

I do think virginity and celibacy have been respected by some people at some times in some cultures, but I definitely see people today, in 2016, show disrespect towards virginity.

Being a virgin is stigmatized in American culture (and in others), yet we’re all supposed to support or respect all other sexual choices or sexual behavior under the sun-

Everyone from homosexuals to fornicating heterosexuals, to young women who (Link): have sex with their biological fathers, and men who want to have sex with horses (yes, there is (Link): unfortunately such a thing) ask us to respect their sexuality, sexual choices, or sexual actions.

I do find it insulting that most of today’s society will respect any and all forms of sexual behavior except for an adult’s choice to stay a virgin or to be celibate.

It’s insulting that adult virginity or celibacy are regarded as physical and/or psychological sicknesses, as though having sex is the norm, or should be for everyone.

(Link): The obscure history of the ‘the disease of virgins’ that could be cured with sex

Excerpts:

Continue reading “The Obscure History of the ‘the Disease of Virgins’ that Could be Cured with Sex”

The Lobster – a movie that sounds like how the church treats adult singles

The Lobster – a movie that sounds like how the church treats adult singles

A really nice lady I follow on Twitter (Christian Janeway; her screen name there is @XianJaneway) tweeted me today, asking me if I had ever heard of this film, and I said, no: lobsterMovie

(Link): The Lobster

Here is how that page reads:

  • In a dystopian near future, single people, according to the laws of The City, are taken to The Hotel, where they are obliged to find a romantic partner in forty-five days or are transformed into beasts and sent off into The Woods.

I told Christian Janeway that sounds pretty much how like most American Christians and churches already treat adult singles. Really.

If this movie ever comes on cable TV, I’ll give it a watch.

———–

Related Posts:

(Link): The Lobster: A Dystopian Tour de Force (A Movie About Adult Singles)

(Link):   Please Stop Shaming Me for Being Single by J. Vadnal

(Link):   The Netherworld of Singleness for Some Singles – You Want Marriage But Don’t Want to Be Disrespected or Ignored for Being Single While You’re Single

(Link):  Really, It’s Okay To Be Single – In order to protect marriage, we should be careful not to denigrate singleness – by Peter Chin

(Link):  Hey, Justice Kennedy: You don’t need to shame singles to uphold marriage by L. Bonos

(Link): To Get Any Attention or Support from a Church These Days you Have To Be A Stripper, Prostitute, or Orphan

Continue reading “The Lobster – a movie that sounds like how the church treats adult singles”

Why Are Christian Guys Silent About Abstinence? by C. Hill

Why Are Christian Guys Silent About Abstinence? by C. Hill

The link to the editorial by C. Hill is much farther down the page. I wanted to spend several paragraphs discussing the editorial itself before linking to it.

I sometimes wonder if authors on sites such as Christianity Today or Christian Post read my blog or comments I’ve left on other blogs (under other names or sometimes under the “Christian Pundit” moniker), because some of the points this guy makes are ones that I have made before, that I have not seen other writers make.

One such point: we live in a culture that increasingly demands that we respect everyone else’s sexual behavior and choices, everything from having pre-marital sex, to having homosexual sex, to engaging in adultery.

I’ve even seen increased acceptance of Asexuality.

However, if one is a heterosexual with a normal sex drive and interest in sex who never the less chooses to refrain from sex (i.e., to stay a virgin or be celibate), and especially if one is past one’s mid or late 20s age-wise, one is judged, mocked, or condemned by that same culture.

That is, the same people demanding that I, a hetero celibate / virgin, respect or applaud homosexuality or adultery, are the very same people who would make fun of a person or criticize them for being a virgin over the age of 18 or 25, or being celibate, if having been sexually active before. It’s a very hypocritical position and one that is common, but it’s  seldom a point I’ve seen called out by others.

Continue reading “Why Are Christian Guys Silent About Abstinence? by C. Hill”

Why I’m Glad I Married a Celibate ‘Tim Tebow’ by L. Haywood

Why I’m Glad I Married a Celibate ‘Tim Tebow’ by L. Haywood

Some people are leaving comments below this editorial on another site, the one by Haywood, saying the media got it wrong: Tebow never dated this Olivia person.

I don’t know if he ever dated her or not. I find this editorial by Haywood is still relevant, because even if Tebow never dated Olivia What’s-her-name, the fact is, he got ridiculed a lot in the media for being an adult virgin / celibate.

Here is a page which discusses that situation:

People who chose to abstain sexually at any age should not be mocked for this choice.

It’s gotten a little old how society (I’d say liberals are really bad about this especially), expect folks who hold really traditional values of totally embracing and accepting homosexual behavior, transgenderism, and hetero fornication, but they draw the line at accepting and supporting people who choose to remain virgins or to practice celibacy.

To recap: even if Tebow never did date Olivia I-Forget-Her-Last-Name, the fact remains that his choice to sexually abstain was in fact mocked and ridiculed when this story first broke, that she supposedly broke up with him for refusing to perform.

So, I find many of the points in this editorial still cogent:

(Link):  Why I’m Glad I Married a Celibate ‘Tim Tebow’ by L. Haywood

Excerpts:

  • Former Miss Universe and Miss USA Olivia Culpo broke up with NFL star Tim Tebow because he reportedly wouldn’t have sex with her. This has made the headlines but I believe she has no idea what she just squandered. She may be beautiful but sexually clueless.
  • Here’s why I think she is sexually clueless:
  • …. Marrying a man who pledges himself to purity says that you’re more valuable to him then temporary gratification. We’re going into our 23rd year of marriage and I’m so glad that he waited for me. Jerome’s season of waiting showed me and my sons how valuable I am to him.

Continue reading “Why I’m Glad I Married a Celibate ‘Tim Tebow’ by L. Haywood”

Various Editorials Defending Tim Tebow’s Celibacy – Because Some Secular Media Are Ridiculing It

Various Editorials Defending Tim Tebow’s Celibacy – Because Some Secular Media Are Ridiculing It

(Link):   Tebow’s Choice to Stay Chaste – He sets a rare, refreshing example in an overly sexualized culture

Excerpts:

  •  by Elisa Cipollone
  • … Tebow is fascinating to people partly because the culture cannot accept the fact that a professional athlete does not indulge in a wild, partying lifestyle, or at least a sexually active one.
  • It’s almost as if the public (and particularly the media) don’t believe that people who believe in God and actively, honestly live out their faith even exist anymore.
  • The Rev. Michael Sliney, a Catholic priest and the New York chaplain of the Lumen Institute, an association of business and cultural leaderssaid, “I deeply admire Tim Tebow for persevering in this noble ideal — a true witness of self-mastery and respect for the sacredness of the sexual act.”
  • It’s an interesting point, particularly when it comes to respect. And despite what either side of this argument believes, shouldn’t Tebow have the right to make his own decisions when it comes to what he feels is respecting himself and others?
  • …. There are multiple viable reasons people, religious or not, choose to remain chaste until marriage. Tebow should not be publicly ridiculed for his decision to do so, and his example is rare but refreshing in an overly sexualized culture.

(Link):  Leave Tim Tebow Alone

(Link):   Tim Tebow Dumped by Fmr. Miss Universe Olivia Culpo Over Sex?

(Link):  Sports media mocks Tim Tebow over abstinence pledge

Excerpts:

  • by D. Gwinn
  • So long story short, it’s a report that should have come as no surprise since Tebow has (Link): already had one relationship end because of his moral stand and maybe, just maybe, God-forbid engender some sense of begrudging respect from the media elite for at least having the courage of his convictions, has instead triggered a few juvenile headlines and one-liners from a legion of sports reporters who would never be allowed in the same room as a Miss USA, current or former. Unless they bought a ticket.

Continue reading “Various Editorials Defending Tim Tebow’s Celibacy – Because Some Secular Media Are Ridiculing It”

Jesus Christ Removed the Stigma, Shame From Being Single and Childless – by David Instone Brewer

Jesus Christ Removed the Stigma, Shame From Being Single and Childless – by David Instone Brewer

——-

Reminder:

(Link): Blogger Guy John Morgan Who Accused Me Of Being Untrustworthy Finds My Blog Trustworthy Enough to Use as Resource

———

These are just excerpts, so you’ll have to visit the link here to read the page in full:

(Link): Bible Scandals (Ineligible Bachelor) by David Instone-Brewer

Commenting on what it was like to be single in the time and culture of Jesus:

  • …. Girls were mostly married by the age of twelve, and if a man wasn’t married by the age of twenty the gossips started comparing notes and looking for a reason.
  • …. So why was Jesus still single at the age of thirty? It was clear to all who knew him. No-one would let his daughter marry someone of questionable parentage since, if there was any irregularity in their birth, it could cast doubt on the legitimacy of their children for ten generations. And Jesus’ birth, as everyone knew, was very irregular.
  • …. Jesus not only shared the stigma of being single – he also tried to do something to alleviate it for other single people. Jewish law excused eunuchs from the command to marry, because they couldn’t physically fulfil the duty to have children.

Continue reading “Jesus Christ Removed the Stigma, Shame From Being Single and Childless – by David Instone Brewer”

Salon Author Amanda Marcotte Thinks Media Shouldn’t Judge Women’s Sexuality But She Has Mocked Women Over Their Sexual Choices Before (To Remain Virgins)

Salon Author Amanda Marcotte Thinks Media Shouldn’t Judge Women’s Sexuality But She Has Mocked Women Over Their Sexual Choices Before (To Remain Virgins)

My memory is a bit rusty here, but in a previous, older editorial on Salon, either Marcotte ridiculed women who choose to remain virgins until marriage, or, when she was mocking the concept of virgin- until- marriage, it escaped her notice that some women, of their own volition, choose to abstain until marriage.

I blogged about this before here, on my blog:

Either way it went, Marcotte ended up ridiculing the choice of some women to stay virgins until marriage – and some women do in fact choose to remain virgins until marriage, like this lady, who was in the media about a month ago:

This recent editorial at Salon, by Marcotte, is my reason for writing this blog post today:

(Link):  Now we’re leering at suicide bombers: The grotesque objectification of Hasna Ait Boulahcen by Amanda Marcotte

Here are a few excerpts from that page, about a woman terrorist who was blown up in Paris, France (I have some more comments below these excerpts):

  • by Amanda Marcotte
  • November 20, 2105
  • …But Boulahcen [woman terrorist] was female, and so the forces of sexual objectification are kicking in, creating a grotesque display.
  • …Both articles obsessively comb over every detail of Boulahcen’s pre-conversion life: Her partying, her drinking, the amount of sex they suspect she had, her clothes and even her “heavy makeup”, which both articles take pains to point out. It’s the same kind of thing you see these right wing rags doing day in and out, simultaneously inviting their audiences to leer at and sit in judgment of young women for their clothes, their sexual choices…

Continue reading “Salon Author Amanda Marcotte Thinks Media Shouldn’t Judge Women’s Sexuality But She Has Mocked Women Over Their Sexual Choices Before (To Remain Virgins)”

270 Reasons Women Choose Not To Have Children

270 Reasons Women Choose Not To Have Children

I first Tweeted a link to the following article a couple of weeks ago.

(Link): 270 Reasons Women Choose Not To Have Children

That same story was later ReTweeted by LifeSite News, which is a pro-life Twitter account. Which is fine, to a point; I myself am pro-life.

However. What bothers me about Life Site News (and other similar groups) is that they share such stories on social media not to validate childfree women, but to demonize them and scold them for their choice.

Nowhere does the Bible teach that women MUST get pregnant and have babies – the “be fruitful” line from Genesis was for the first people on earth, not something intended for everyone on every continent straight down to the year 2015 and beyond. Jesus Christ and Apostle Paul instead teach in the New Testament that remaining single and celibate, and hence, childless or childfree, are godly options.

The New Testament also does not teach that having children is mandatory for married couples.

I’m afraid Roman Catholics are in error on this point – I believe they, like a few very fringe Protestant groups – teach that sex is only permissible or morally okay if it results in the possibility of pregnancy, something that is not taught in the Bible at all.

The Bible does not demonize childless or childfree people, but certain Christian groups or pro-life groups keep doing so.

As a childless woman myself, I find this attitude deeply insulting. I have not failed God, nor have I failed at life, nor am I sinning, simply because I’ve never married and cranked out children.

The Bible simply does not teach that being single, celibate, and/or childfree are sins. I place no authority in anything any Roman Catholic council or Pope or Catholic Tradition has to say on these topics – only with what the Bible says, and the Bible, in the New Testament, removes any burdens on to people to marry and/or have children.

I have written of this troubling trend by Christian pro-life groups here:

Recall again that I am right of center – I am a conservative as well as pro-life – but the Bible does not shame or scold women who are childless or childfree. Choosing to abstain from sex and/or from having children are NOT sins.

But some of these pro-life sites continue to equate childless or childfree women to women who do give birth but murder their infants! It is absolutely vile and disgusting to equate the avoidance of getting pregnant in the first place to women (or men) who murder babies (but these Christian pro-life sites keep doing it anyway)!

Here again is the link (the page has this interactive chart thing at the bottom that I cannot reproduce here on my blog; you will have to visit their site to see it):

(Link): 270 Reasons Women Choose Not To Have Children

Excerpts

  • By Rebecca Adams, Hilary Fung, Alissa Scheller and Shane Shifflett
  • Far too often, women who choose to be childfree are asked to defend their (Link): “immature,” (Link): “selfish” lifestyles. They’re told that motherhood is the (Link): “most important job in the world” and face accusations of living (Link): “meaningless” lives.
  • The number of childfree women is at a record high: 48 percent of women between the ages of 18 and 44 don’t have kids, (Link): according to 2014 Census numbers.

    The Huffington Post and YouGov asked 124 women why they choose to be childfree. Their motivations ranged from preferring their current lifestyles (64 percent) to prioritizing their careers (9 percent) — a.k.a. fairly universal things that have motivated men not to have children for centuries. To give insight into the complex, layered decisions women make, HuffPost (Link): asked childfree readers to discuss the reasons they have chosen not to have kids and gathered 270 responses here.

Continue reading “270 Reasons Women Choose Not To Have Children”