Married Father of Six, Preacher Matthew Tague, Arrested for Forcibly Molesting a Minor – Christians, Dump the Equally Yoked Teaching

Married Father of Six, Preacher Matthew Tague, Arrested for Forcibly Molesting a Minor – Christians, Dump the Equally Yoked Teaching

So. Christians keep arguing that single adult Christians should only marry other Christians (equally yoked rule).

Next, we have falsehoods in Christianity that single, childless adults are not as godly or mature as married parents. Marriage and parenthood are necessary ingredients to make a person godly, mature, or loving, most Christians teach.

But I have a non-stop parade of married parents who are FREAKS and DEVIANTS listed on this site, who’ve been charged with, or found guilty of things ranging from soliciting prostitutes, to raping kids, to having sex with dogs.

Also, God does not require that a person clean herself up, become perfect, get more ethical or mature, or more pretty, or more ‘whatever’ before God will send that person a spouse.

If God is allowing deviants like alleged child rapist Tague get a wife, there is no reason in holy hell God would not be permitting some Average Smoe, who is living an Average Life (one that does not involve raping kids), to have a spouse, too.

Please, Christians, explain to me how a CHILD RAPIST somehow ‘merits’ a spouse more than someone like me, who doesn’t rape kids! I’d love to hear that explanation. (I may have my flaws, some shortcomings, but raping kids is not one of them!!, holy smokes.)

Don’t tell me that marriage or parenthood makes a person more loving and godly, when I am forever seeing these type of sick, disgusting news stories:

(Link):  Married Pastor Arrested for Child Molestation; Church Asks for Prayers for ‘Justice and Restorative Healing’

(Link):  Carlsbad Pastor Suspected of Molesting Child for a Year

(Link): California pastor accused of forcibly molesting a minor

A California pastor was arrested Wednesday after being accused of forcibly molesting a minor.

San Diego Sheriff’s Department Child Abuse Unit detectives arrested Matthew Tague, 43,  for multiple counts of lewd and lascivious acts with one victim under the age of 14. Two of the counts are forcible, according to Gospel Herald.

San Diego County Sheriff’s Office Lt. Karen Stubkjaer did not disclose the child’s age or gender.

…Tague has been married for 20 years and has six children, three by birth and three adopted.

(Link):  Carlsbad Pastor Accused of Child Molestation Pleads Not Guilty – NBC News

Matthew Tague, a pastor at the North Coast Calvary Chapel, was arrested for 16 counts of lewd and lascivious acts with one minor victim

A pastor at a Carlsbad church accused of repeatedly molesting a child over the course of about a year pleaded not guilty in court Friday.

Continue reading “Married Father of Six, Preacher Matthew Tague, Arrested for Forcibly Molesting a Minor – Christians, Dump the Equally Yoked Teaching”

Single, 54, and a New Dad: Why Some Start Families Late by A. Ellin

Single, 54, and a New Dad: Why Some Start Families Late

(Link):  Single, 54, and a New Dad: Why Some Start Families Late by A. Ellin


August 5, 2016

SPARKY CAMPANELLA never heard the thrumming of a biological clock. But his “sociological clock” — his sense that he was missing out on something important in life — boomed mightily. At the age of 54, he decided to do something about it. He became a father.

He was single, but so what? “I decided I could either do it myself, or wait for the right partner to come along,” said Mr. Campanella, a Los Angeles fine arts photographer whose son, Rhys, is a little over 1 year old. Over the years he had dated women who had children of their own, but he realized that he didn’t want to be a stepdad.

….It’s a question many childless people over 50 are asking themselves. Of course, dealing with night feedings and rambunctious 2-year-olds are not for the faint of heart. But with their finances in order and their careers in place, with their life spans extended, some older people are concluding: Why not start — or continue — raising children in later life?

Continue reading “Single, 54, and a New Dad: Why Some Start Families Late by A. Ellin”

Creepy Editorial from Christian Gender Complementarian CBMW Site Asks “How Many Children Should You Have”

Creepy Editorial from Christian Gender Complementarian CBMW Site Asks “How Many Children Should You Have”

Before I get to the editorial from CBMW, I have a preface.

If you are a man, especially one who considers himself a Christian, you need to understand that the sexist drivel that comes from complementarian Christians -such as CBMW (Council for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood)- impacts you too, and not always in your favor, because some complementarians equate “true manhood” to being “man who is married with children.”

Christian gender complementarians will tell you that you, a man, are a disgrace to God and to humanity and you are not carrying out your cultural duties, unless you marry and have children.

Not even that, but if you are not living out married life the WAY in which these people teach, they will deem you a “man fail.” (Yes, that really happened, a prominent gender complementarian referred to certain types of married men as being “man fails.” Several blogs and news sites discussed it, like this one.)

Yes, you read correctly. Married men who stay at home to raise the baby while mom holds the 9 to 5 job are deemed “man fails” by some Christian gender complementarians.

You cannot just be married with a child in gender comp land, but you have to also fulfill certain other criteria to be counted, to be deemed acceptable.

Not only do groups such as CBMW promote sexist ideas about women, but they harm men in the process.

I was looking through Twitter today, and came across this, hosted on Christian gender complementarian site CBMW:

(Link): Go Forth and Multiply: How Many Children Should I Have? (CBMW)

Why is the woman who wrote this assuming that she should have children at all?

I want to know why is “having Zero children” not an option in her worldview, or that of CBMW and other complementarians?

Here are some excerpts from the page:

  • By Amanda Peacock
  • Tuesday, April 28, 2015
  • In the beginning God said, “Be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth…” (Gen. 1: 28). The blessing of children was given in the context of Eden where God walked with Adam and Eve in uncorrupted communion.
  • … These words have recently given me pause for thought as my husband and I consider adopting. You see, the research and red tape that has delayed the process, and the departure of our two children to university, seems only to have increased my desire to adopt.I look around our church; I love what I see—large families, children being raised in the fear and instruction of the Lord.
  • …So just how many children should a woman have?

Continue reading “Creepy Editorial from Christian Gender Complementarian CBMW Site Asks “How Many Children Should You Have””

States start to crack down on parents ‘re-homing’ their adopted kids

States start to crack down on parents ‘re-homing’ their adopted kids

But conservative Christians say that the mere act or state of being a parent makes a person more loving, giving, mature, and godly!

We child-free / childless adults are supposedly, as the conservative thinking goes (I am a conservative myself but realize that some conservatives are horribly wrong on some issues), such reckless, irresponsible, self centered jerks. I guess not.

Here’s another example which goes to show that being a parent does not make a person more godly, giving, or mature:

(Link):  States start to crack down on parents ‘re-homing’ their adopted kids

  • Among pet owners, “re-homing” an unwanted dog or cat is a relatively straightforward process. The owner who seeks an alternative home often places an ad on the Internet, and a private transaction occurs that moves the pet to a new family.
  • But with the rise of foreign adoptions of children and the inability of some parents to handle troubled youths, more and more desperate families are taking that approach with adopted youngsters and re-homing the children with strangers. Often those re-homed children report gruesome tales of physical, sexual or emotional abuse by their new guardians.
  • The process of re-homing has been largely unregulated—no federal laws prohibit the exchange of unwanted adopted kids. Most states allow private adoptions, but the processes vary widely and oversight is limited. In most cases, re-homing may be executed by a simple power-of-attorney letter or a notarized statement without government authorities or even any lawyers vetting the new parents.Family lawyers are taking note. Re-homing “has only fairly recently come to public attention,” says Tucson, Arizona, child welfare and custody lawyer Ann Haralambie. “Re-homing is not regulated; there’s no legal framework to address it. It’s mostly an underground affair.”

    By contrast, if adoption through a legal agency fails before it’s legally final, the child can be returned to the agency in what’s referred to as “disrupted adoption,” according to McGeorge School of Law professor John Myers, author of Experiencing Family Law. The national rate of disruption is 10 to 20 percent. Since re-homing is done privately, there are no statistics monitoring the number of failed adoptions.

  • “Kids shouldn’t be in want ads like: ‘Our dog just had puppies. Want one for free?’ ” adds Haralambie, a former chair of the ABA Family Law Section’s Juvenile Law and Needs of Children Committee. “That’s precisely where people like the mentally ill and pedophiles go to get children. At best, it’s abandonment, and at worst, it’s human trafficking.”
  • Many parents of adopted children are desperate. Serious problems erupt when agencies don’t screen potential adoptive parents or the child’s special needs aren’t disclosed. Often, those needs result from neglect or mistreatment by birth parents or at overloaded orphanages.

    Both domestically and internationally there’s woefully slim pre-adoption training and post-adoption support. As a result, some kids may end up destroying property, becoming violent and resisting nurturing by their new parents.

Church to Members: We Honor Only Mothers With Biological, Not Adopted, Children (via Ask Amy)

Church to Members: We Honor Only Mothers With Biological, Not Adopted, Children

I don’t know what’s more frightening and sad, that Christians marginalize singles and the childless and childfree or exclude mothers of adopted children, or the Non-Christians (and some Christians too) who DENY these things even happen, or they express shock that it might.

I saw some people leaving comments at an Ask Amy page expressing doubt that a church would or could be so callous towards certain types of mothers.

I have no reason to doubt it. I would actually be surprised if this sort of thing did not happen. Evangelical, Baptist, and other churches/denominations, regularly ignore singles and childfree people, or mothers who don’t fit their particular criteria of what it means to them to be a good or “godly” mother.

If they’re not ignoring these groups, they outright insult them or imply they are selfish or weird, or lacking in some other way.

Here’s the letter to “Ask Amy” (link):

    Dear Amy:
    In the course of the worship service at our church on Mother’s Day, particular recognition was given to some distinct mothers — the oldest present, a single with the most youngsters, a single with most kids present, and so on.

    But this recognition was specified biological mothers only, so this excluded a number of in the congregation who had mothered adopted children.

    I’d like your comment on this restriction.
    — A Bio and Adoptive Mother

    Dear Mother: I’m appalled.

I do not doubt the veracity of this story for a moment. Some churches or denominations can and often are that insensitive.

At least Amy was appalled by this.

In regards to other letters, Amy was catty about women who are over the age of 40 (link to that). Amy also thinks guys over 50 who befriend 22 year old college students are closet pedophiles (link to that).

Churches should stop holding Mother’s Day celebrations. There is no place in Scripture that instructs churches to hold church-wide services in dedication to mothers or fathers. None. It’s a secular holiday carried over into churches, and churches should be spending more time preaching about Jesus, and less about the so-called nobility of motherhood.
Related posts:

(Link): Mother Entitlement – Selfish, Self-Centered Mothers Complain that They Are Not Getting ENOUGH Mother Worship from Culture, Church, or Family on Mother’s Day and Some Moms Complain About Churches Showing Compassion to Childless Women

(Link): Mother’s Day Ain’t A Happy Holiday For Some

(Link): Being Childfree, Childless, Infertile, or Dealing With the Death of a Mother on Mother’s Day, Or Dealing With An Abusive or Insensitive Mother, Mothers Who Lost Adult or Young Children to Murder, Abortion, Miscarriages, or Sickness (links)

(Link): Otherhood – An overlooked demographic – the Childless and Childfree Women and Singles Especially Women Who Had Hoped to Marry and Have Kids But Never Met Mr. Right (links)

(Link): Motherhood is Not a Woman’s Highest or Only Calling

Continue reading “Church to Members: We Honor Only Mothers With Biological, Not Adopted, Children (via Ask Amy)”

Married Couple Pays Surrogate to Have Baby, They Keep The Healthy Daughter But Refuse the Down Syndrome One – Also: Cops: the Dad is a Convicted Pedo

Married Couple Pays Surrogate to Have Baby, They Keep The Healthy Daughter But Refuse the Down Syndrome One – Also: Cops: the Dad is a Convicted Pedo

And many conservative Christians routinely say or assume that marriage makes a person godly, mature, more loving, and immune from sexual sin, and that you have to be perfect and godly to even merit a spouse to start with (God doesn’t send imperfect people spouses, they say).

Hmm. Then how would Christians explain this selfish married couple who
1. won’t accept the Down’s Syndrome twin from the surrogate
2. the father is a convicted kid-diddler (pedophile)?

How is it that God rewards child molesters with spouses, but not law abiding, non-perverted singles?

(Link): Australian father accused of abandoning baby boy born to Thai surrogate mother because he had Down Syndrome ‘was jailed for sexual assault on a child under 13’

(Link): Australia investigates ‘paedophile’ father in Thai baby scandal

Texas Stepmother and Biological Father Starves Son to Death

Texas Stepmother and Biological Father Starves Son to Death

I know that evangelicals and other sorts of Christians often hold on to this perception that parenthood (and marriage) instantly makes a person more giving, mature, loving, ethical, and so on, but I’m not exactly clear if that stereotype carries over to STEP-parenting.

I’m not sure if their fallacious, idiotic, untrue stereotype applies only to biological parenting, or if they also feel that a woman who adopts a baby or who is step-parent to one also is bestowed the “she must be more godly and mature than a childless or childfree woman” perspective.

In the off chance there are any evangelicals out there who think any and all forms of motherhood automatically makes a woman more giving, loving, and moral, here’s an example that says “Nope” to that (Edit. After having read over more about this news story, it turns out the the boy’s biological father also played a role in starving him to death):

(By the way, even though I find babies and kids pretty irritating and don’t like being around them most of the time, and most Christians – and some Non Christians – would slam me for not having kids (never mind I was waiting for a husband to have kids with, I don’t believe in single parenting intentionally, like the Hollywood starlets who choose to get knocked up outside of matrimony), but – I would never intentionally harm a kid. If I do get married, and my spouse has a kid from a previous marriage, I would NOT abuse or neglect the kid.

It’s odd to me how society thinks motherhood instantly makes a woman more of an admirable, or a more trustworthy, figure, when we see from news stories like this one that children might actually be SAFER with childless or childfree women!

I would probably be a hyper-responsible parent if I ever did have a kid of my own, or was step parent to one (I said responsible, NOT helicopter. Helicopter parenting creates all sorts of problems for a kid). I sure as heck would NOT starve a kid to death, whether he was my own biological kid, a step kid, a neighbor’s kid, or whomever’s kid.

Some of these news sites have published a photo of the little boy who died from starvation – he looked like a very nice little boy.

(Link): Stepmother found guilty of starving 10-year-old son who weighed just 60 lbs and dumping his emaciated body in the woods

(Link): Dallas stepmom found guilty in starvation death of boy, 10

    A Dallas woman was found guilty Tuesday of locking her 10-year-old stepson in a bedroom for months and starving him in 2011.

    Elizabeth Ramsey, 33, faces up to life in prison for the death of Johnathan Ramsey, whose bones were found stuffed into a sleeping bag in an Ellis County creek bed in April 2012. He died the previous August.

    …Johnathan’s father, Aaron Ramsey, was sentenced last year to life in prison for causing serious bodily injury to a child by starving his son.

    Prosecutors said the Ramseys were both responsible for keeping Johnathan locked away and feeding him only military rations for several months.

    Continue reading “Texas Stepmother and Biological Father Starves Son to Death”

Pope Francis Is Wrong About My Child-Free Life by Amanda Marcotte

Pope Francis Is Wrong About My Child-Free Life by Amanda Marcotte

(Link): Pope Francis Is Wrong About My Child-Free Life by Amanda Marcotte

    The pope may pooh-pooh the decision to remain childless, but the world needs more people who choose pets over kids.

    Pope Francis came into office on a wave of hope that finally the world would have a progressive pope instead of the string of throwbacks with retrograde ideas who had come before.

    He’s since then been busy dashing those hopes, one speech at a time, demonstrating that he has zero intention of actually bothering to learn about people’s real lives and needs before telling them how to live their lives. Now he’s moved on to picking on childless couples, with a little extra shade thrown at pet ownership. Oh goody, just in time for Adopt-A-Cat Month.

    Speaking from his home in the Vatican on Monday, (Link): Pope Francis warmed up by shaming people for enjoying their lives. “This culture of well-being from 10 years ago convinced us: It’s better not to have children! It’s better! You can go explore the world, go on holiday, you can have a villa in the countryside, you can be care-free.”

    Then he dragged Fido into, griping, “Maybe it is better, more convenient, to have a little dog, two cats; and the love goes to the two cats and the little dog.”

    Then came the warning of the miseries that await you foolish vacation-having cat owners if you don’t get with the “fruitful” marriage: “Then, in the end this marriage comes to old age in solitude, with the bitterness of loneliness.”

    Ah yes, the threat wielded against the deliberately childless since time immemorial: Conform or you will regret it!

    My first instinct, as a deliberately childless person myself, upon reading Pope Francis’s remarks was to think, “If you think having children is so important, then why don’t you go first?”

    But while sarcasm is a satisfying hobby, it’s perhaps better to look to empirical science to answer the question of whether or not it’s actually true that childless people will be punished with loveless marriages and age into loneliness.

    Luckily, there’s been a lot of research into both those questions. In fact, the question of whether or not having kids makes marriages happier or not is one that has been (Link): looked at again and again, to the point where you start to wonder if they’re trying to get a different result this time. The answer keeps coming back the same: Childless couples have happier marriages, on average.

    Or, to be more specific, studies that measure the day-to-day satisfaction of parents shows that satisfaction with your marriage starts to decline rapidly when you have your first baby, goes up and down with the stresses of child-rearing (with a particular low point around adolescence), but it stays relatively low, only rising again after the kids move out of the house.

    The daily grind of child-rearing and the stress of sharing responsibility seem to be a big part of it. That may (Link): explain why mothers are less happy than fathers. After all, (Link): they spend more of their time with the children.

    Society would benefit strongly if more people felt that childlessness was a legitimate life option.

    Nor is it true that childless people are doomed, as the pope warned, to be lonely and sad in their old age.

    A (Link): 2003 study that looked specifically at this question found that having children was no guarantee against loneliness in old age. After surveying nearly 4,000 people ages 50 to 84, researchers found no difference in the loneliness rates of people with children and people without children. Common sense should suggest the same.

    Relying on a phone call a week from your kids is hardly a panacea for loneliness. Non-lonely seniors are usually the ones with plenty of friends, and being able to make friends isn’t dependent on your status as a parent or not.

    Continue reading “Pope Francis Is Wrong About My Child-Free Life by Amanda Marcotte”

New York Lawmaker Wants Mandatory Parenting Workshops – This Poses Problems for Christian Propaganda About Parenthood

New York Lawmaker Wants Mandatory Parenting Workshops – This Poses Problems for Christian Propaganda About Parenthood

That there is some lawmaker demanding that parents take parenting classes speaks to the Christian propaganda that popping out a child automatically confers maturity, wisdom, and godliness on to a person.

(See also this thread for examples of parents who beat, neglect, or rape their own children: (Link): Parenthood Does Not Make People More Loving Mature Godly Ethical Caring or Responsible (One Stop Thread))

Some people are terrible parents. Other adults notice this.

Here you have a lawmaker insisting that people should be forced to take parenting classes because he knows some people do not automatically become great people and responsible for engaging in the biological procedure of reproducing.

Obviously, having the biological equipment to make a baby and popping a baby out does not automatically ensure that a person will be godly, ethical, or responsible.

(I should also do a Part 2, news stories of judges who seek to have women sterilized – the drug addicted women who keep popping babies out like rabbits and then neglecting them.)

(Link): CONFER: NY bill would mandate parenting classes

(Link): NY lawmaker: Parents should take parenting classes NEW YORK (MYFOXNY) –

    New York state Sen. Ruben Diaz Jr. introduced a bill that would require parents of elementary school children to attend a minimum of four parent support classes. If parents don’t go, 6th graders won’t move onto 7th grade.

    Leslie Venokur, the co-founder of Big City Moms, called the idea “crazy” and “insane.” She said that what is most concerning that the education commissioner and Board of Regents would develop the parenting guidelines. She said the Regents should “stick to what they’re good at which is teaching kids and staying away from the parents.”

    The bill states one of the courses would be related to physical, emotional, and sexual abuse of children.

    Employers would be required to provide one day a year of paid leave so working parents can attend classes.


    Feb 2014

    Need an outrage to carry you through the weekend? If you’re the parent of a school-aged child, some lawmakers in New York state think your parenting skills could use “enhancement”—and want to force you to attend a series of “parenting workshops” as a condition of your kid’s progress to seventh grade.

    “Requires parents to attend support programs designed to enhance parenting skills,” reads the official description of Bill S142-2013.

    The bill would direct New York’s education bureaucracy to develop guidelines for the content and distribution of a series of four or more workshops, of which one would be devoted to issues of abuse.

    (Why a state bureaucracy would know more about “parenting skills” than parents themselves is not explained.)

    Not only would parents have to attend, but for good measure the bill would require employers to bestow a paid day off each year for employees who are parents to do so.

    The bill has provoked a bit of a public outcry in recent weeks. Among the comments at the official state site: “How about letting us raise our own children?” “An insult and serves no purpose”; “Please keep your noses out of my home”; “The only people that will benefit from this are the ones who will charge for the classes.”

    Who’d sponsor such a mind-bending assault on individual rights and the integrity of the family? The bill’s main sponsor is Sen. Ruben Diaz Sr. (D-South Bronx), with co-sponsorship from Sens. Adraino Espaillat (D-Washington Heights) and John Sampson (D-Brooklyn).

    Senator Diaz—not to be confused with his son, Ruben Diaz Jr., who serves as Bronx borough president—is a well-known figure in New York City politics who has served in the State Senate for more than a decade.

    Like most of his New York City Democratic colleagues, he readily votes to approve big government programs; unlike most of them, he also ardently pursues social-conservative causes such as opposition to same-sex marriage (he’s an evangelical minister as well as a politician).

    In the latter capacity, he regularly wins praise from national groups claiming to speak for “pro-family” positions. One must wonder, are they aware of his scheme for mandatory parenting workshops, and is that something they consider “pro-family”?

It looks as though my fellow conservatives are angry about this, but I don’t see why. Some people have no clue how to be a decent parent. Perhaps they would benefit from enforced parenting classes.

(Link): PART 2: Judges Who Force Insane, Negligent Women, or Addicts to Get Abortions or Undergo Sterilization – Also: Court Ordered Male Sterilization – Being A Parent Does Not Make A Person More Godly, Mature, or Responsible

Links About Sex Week / Male Modesty & Male Shaming / Online Dating Scammers / Female Sexuality / Rampant Pre Marital Sex Among Christians / Single Christian Women Feel Pressured to Fornicate In Dating / other topics (Link Dump)

Reports About Sex Week / Male Modesty / Online Dating Scammers / Rampant Pre Marital Sex Among Christians / Single Christian Women Feel Pressured to Fornicate In Dating / other topics (Link Dump)

I do not have the patience to make separate posts out of each link / story / topic below, so here is another link dump, with links to lots of different sex, infertility, marriage, online dating, purity, and whatever, editorials and stories.

I’m not necessarily in agreement with any or all of the views expressed in any of these pages. I post them only because they touch on topics I regularly discuss on this blog.

Some of these links from The Christian Post I present below are from the last two to three weeks, but they cover topics I already discussed here on this blog weeks before (CP authors are sometimes weeks or a couple of months behind material I post to this blog first).

Sometimes, The Christian Post quotes people I don’t agree with about everything, such as Mark Regnerus – see this link and this link for more about that.

Regnerus pushes for early marriage and seems to engage in a bit of singles-shaming (blaming singles who want marriage for being single, for not being able to find a partner), which is wrong. You can see the links above for more about that.

About me covering stories before The Christian Post does.

Take this first link of their below as an example – not only did I cover this story first (on Jan 28, 2014 here, this link, but also on Feb 8, 2014, see this link), but also some of the web sites the author references in his series (which makes me wonder if he’s been to my blog and is copying my material):

(Link): Christian Dating Culture (Part 1): Majority of Christian Singles Reject Idea of Waiting Until Marriage to Have Sex



February 12, 2014

Survey Reveals That 61% of Christian Singles Are Willing to Have Casual Sex

A majority of single Christians are rejecting biblical doctrine by choosing to have sex before they are married. Sixty-one percent of self-identified Christian singles who answered a recent ChristianMingle survey said they are willing to have casual sex without being in love, while only 11 percent said they are waiting to have sex until they are married.

…But despite this realization, after Lindsey moved to New York, she did not abide by this new sexual ethic. Instead, she entered and exited relationships frequently, often sleeping with the men she was dating.

“Even though I knew it was wrong, I continued to have sex outside of marriage,” Lindsey told The Christian Post. “Why? Because when you’re single you don’t want to be lonely.”

“I was the girl that broke up with one boyfriend and had another one on speed-dial—that afternoon I’d already be going out with somebody else. I kept a boyfriend because I liked the attention,” she continued.

For Lindsey, her behavior was not simply a result of her conforming to the sexual values of her non-Christian peers. Instead, she had friends from church with similar sexual ethics and even dated and became sexually involved with a man who was serving at the same church that she was.

“We all went to the church. We were hypocrites. We said we loved the Lord but we ignored the scriptures that said that fornication is a sin,” said Lindsey.

Lindsey eventually cut off all people that had been a part of that lifestyle. Several years ago she got married and moved to Atlanta, where, now 31, she is the founder and CEO of Pinky Promise, an organization that encourages single and married women to “rise above cultural pressures and to “stay determined to live for Christ regardless of their circumstances.”

So she’s a fornicator being used as an example of sexual purity now? LOL.

Why do Christians do this? You have actual, honest- to- God virgins who are over 30 and 40 years of age, but Christians rarely if ever seek them out for inspiration or interviews. Instead, they seek out people who engaged in fornication constantly, and ask them to serve as role models about sexual purity.

This odd situation is a topic I have addressed in older posts, including this link (“born again virgins”), this link, this link, or this link, How About Using Celibates as Role Models For Celibacy? (Oddity: Christians Holding Up Non-Virgins [Fornicators] As Being Experts or Positive Examples on Sexual Purity).

(Link): Christian Dating Culture (Part 2): Does Church Attendance Impact How Often You Have Sex?


    February 13, 2014

Christians who attend church and read the Bible at least three times a week are less likely to have sex outside of marriage than those who do not engage in those religious practices.

In a 2012 study of Millenial Christians by the National Association of Evangelicals and Grey Matter Research, only respondents who attended worship services at least once a month were considered. Of the 1,007 polled by NEA and GMR, only 44 percent of unmarried Evangelicals ages 18-29 had had sex.

In contrast, in a ChristianMingle study released in January, only 50 percent of female Christians and 39 percent of Christian males said that they went to church at least once a month. Of the 716 Christians surveyed, 90 percent of them said they would be comfortable with premarital sex and 61 percent without any strings attached.

… Mark Regenerus, an associate professor of sociology at the University of Texas at Austin, concurred with the findings of this research.

“When you see greater religiosity, you’re more apt to have measured at the same time a more pronounced awareness of the sexual norms of Orthodox Christian communities and a person’s willingness to abide by them,” he told The Christian Post in an email.

Regenerus also pointed to the lack of institutions also promoting the church’s ethic of abstinence as one reason for the high numbers.

“It’s certainly true that unmarried Christian adults are more ‘at risk’ on sexual matters (attitudes, behaviors), because there are now few (and maybe no other) institutions that reinforce Christian sexual ideals today. And there are more unmarried Christian adults too. So it’s a recipe for some cultural clash over sex, for sure,” he wrote.

Daniel Weiss, the founder and president of The Brushfires Foundation, whose organization exists to help “people discover and live out God”s design for sexuality and relationships,” said that the Church must wake up to the fact that it is not the primary influencer of many Christian young people’s sexual ethics.

(Link): Christian Dating Culture (Part 3): Women Struggle in Dating Scene That Expects Openness to Premarital Sex


    February 14, 2014

Evidence suggests that Christians are increasingly tolerant of casual sex, but what does the dating scene look like for those who are choosing not to engage in premarital sex?

A ChristianMingle poll released last month suggests that Christians are increasingly open to having sex outside of marriage. Sixty-one percent of the 716 Christians surveyed said they would be willing to have sex without any strings attached. Only 11 percent indicated they would be willing to wait until marriage.

To get a sense of what the dating landscape looks like for Christian women who are unwilling to treat sex casually, The Christian Post talked with three women who shared how they feel their moral convictions are treated by men and the culture at large.

Sexual ethics of Christian men

Several years ago Lisa Anderson signed up for online dating.

Anderson, 42, who heads Boundless, Focus on the Family’s ministry to singles and young adults, and is single herself (“I am the true 40-year-old virgin” she laughs,) decided to be upfront with potential boyfriends about where her sexual ethics lay.

“As I got to know these guys, I think they sensed pretty early on that I was not going to go there, so I think that that probably ended it. It was never a situation where we’re together and that’s going to go too far so I stopped it,” Anderson told CP.

Yet she was surprised that many of the Christian men on online dating sites openly admitted that they expected sex in a relationship.

Continue reading “Links About Sex Week / Male Modesty & Male Shaming / Online Dating Scammers / Female Sexuality / Rampant Pre Marital Sex Among Christians / Single Christian Women Feel Pressured to Fornicate In Dating / other topics (Link Dump)”

Christian Mother Who Loved To Cheerfully Quote Bible Verses Kicked Her Small Son To Death – Motherhood does not make women more godly / mature / loving

Christian Mother (Synthia Varela-Casaus) Who Loved To Cheerfully Quote Bible Verses Kicked Her Small Son To Death – Motherhood does not make women more godly / mature / loving

Disclaimer and reminder. I’m sure there are parents out there who bill themselves as atheist who rape, abuse, or murder their children, but I would not deduce from that fact ALL atheists do that, or that ALL atheists would endorse such behavior. It’s up for debate, I suppose, if atheism is the root cause behind such action.

So bear in mind when I post these “Christians abuse their kids” news stories, I am doing so not to depict ALL Christians as violent, abusive wackos, but only to point out that being a parent, contra to Christian claims, does not make a person more mature or godly than being childfree or childless.

(I mention this because I have so far seen a few atheists link to this story with glee, as though they seriously think this is some kind of evidence in their minds that Christianity is absolute bunk.
Case in point: the very, very bitter atheist person who is behind this blog: “Gawd Strength” – his post on this story comes complete with the standard bitter atheistic pulled out of context Old Testament law about parenting.)

(Link): Mother Admits Repeatedly Kicking Boy Who Died

    The Albuquerque woman first told police that the nine-year-old boy fell from a toy horse but then confessed to kicking him.

(Link): Police: New Mexico Mom Admits to Kicking Child

    An Albuquerque mother is facing child abuse charges in the death of her young son.

    Officer Simon Drobik says police were called to a home in the city’s northeast heights Friday night after getting a 911 call from the mother, 38-year-old Synthia Varela-Casaus.

    She initially told police her 9-year-old son was playing with his 3-year-old brother when the older brother was thrown from a bouncing toy horse and hit his head.

    The boy was pronounced dead after being taken to an Albuquerque hospital.

    Medical personnel saw multiple injuries on the boy’s body. Drobik says the mother later told detectives she kicked the boy in the stomach during an argument, causing him to hit his head.

    The mother told detectives she repeatedly kicked the boy while he was on the floor.

(Link): Synthia Varela-Casaus Admits To Kicking Child As He Lay Dying: Police

    ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. (AP) — An Albuquerque mother is facing child abuse charges in the death of her young son.

    Officer Simon Drobik says police were called to a home in the city’s northeast heights Friday night after getting a 911 call from the mother, 38-year-old Synthia Varela-Casaus.

    She initially told police her 9-year-old son was playing with his 3-year-old brother when the older brother was thrown from a bouncing toy horse and hit his head.

    The boy was pronounced dead after being taken to an Albuquerque hospital….

(Link): Slain boy recalled as helpful, kind, sad

Nine-Year-Old Boy Reported Abuse By Mother Spouting Godly Pieties; She Ends Up Kicking Him to Death

Source: The Friendly Atheist (blog on Patheos)

    Not unlike Ariel Castro, Varela-Casaus delighted in updating her Facebook page with sugary sentiments about God’s benevolence. In the days before Omaree’s death, she took to Facebook to ask Jesus to “please put a hedge of protection over all the children in the world,” and she called her three own children “precious angels”:


Related post:

(Link): Parenthood Does Not Make People More Loving Mature Godly Ethical Caring or Responsible (One Stop Thread)

In terms of childlessness, US ranks near the top worldwide

In terms of childlessness, US ranks near the top worldwide

One common problem I see by other conservatives when opining on such articles is they assume ALL women who are childless (or single into their 40s) are childless (or single) BY CHOICE.

There is nothing wrong with staying single and childless by choice, but a lot of women wanted marriage and/or children but never met the right guy, or they were infertile.

But I swear to goodness, if I see one more right winger (I am right wing too) say in comments under such stories “Oh those damn seflish women” or “Oh those feminists, so selfish” I will punch a hole in my computer.

My fellow right wingers cannot fathom that there is huge boatload of right wing women over age 25, 35, 40, who wanted to be married or have a kid, but it just never came to pass for them.

(Link): In terms of childlessness, U.S. ranks near the top worldwide

    by G Livingston

    When it comes to childlessness among women nearing the end of their childbearing years, the U.S. ranks near the top of the list compared with 117 other countries or areas with 100,000 or more inhabitants, according to a recent United Nations report. Among 118 places with comparable data, only six have rates of childlessness higher than the U.S. rate of 19%.

    Singapore tops the list, with a childless rate of 23%, followed by Austria, the U.K., Finland, Bahrain, and Canada. Liberia and Congo report childlessness rates below 2%, although the UN states that childlessness typically doesn’t dip below 3%, so these values should be viewed cautiously.

    Continue reading “In terms of childlessness, US ranks near the top worldwide”

Married Couple Almost Starve Adopted 8 Year Old To Death – you don’t have to achieve perfection or sinlessness before God will send you a spouse

Married Couple Almost Starve Adopted 8 Year Old To Death

How can conservative Christians keep bellowing about “family being the backbone of society,” when not only is that concept not taught in the Bible, but there are examples of married couples who abuse their children or other people’s children?

There is a common misconception in Christianity that if you’re still single past age 25 or 35, it’s because God is trying to mature you, or work out some supposed defect in your character, before he will send you a spouse.

There is a Christian assumption that God expects you to be perfect and absolutely sinless at all times, and if you are not, he will withhold a spouse from you.

Obviously, this is a load of bullshit, since we see so many stories in the news (which I sometimes blog about) of married couples who end up abusing children, murdering people, being arrested for selling or using drugs, having affairs, or being porn addicts.

One married Baptist preacher I blogged about months ago was a serial rapist and serial killer. Are you still going to sit there and tell me that a serial raping, serial killing scum like that is more worthy of a spouse than someone such as myself, who does not rape or murder people?

Marriage and parenthood do not automatically confer godliness, maturity, responsibility on to a person, either, which is another misperception among conservative Christians. Another example…..

(By the way, these negligent parents not only had this adopted kid they starved, but one or two of their own biological children).

(Link): Minn. couple jailed in adopted child starvation case

(Link): Minnesota couple accused of starving adopted son

    A Minnesota couple are accused of starving their 8-year-old adopted son, feeding him only liquid and putting an alarm on his door so he would not steal food, according to criminal charges that say the boy was so malnourished his bones protruded and he weighed as much as a child half his age.

    Mona Hauer and Russell Hauer of North Mankato each are charged with six felonies, including neglect and malicious punishment of a child. In addition to starving the boy, authorities said, they beat him with a broom handle and made him sleep in a sled in the basement because he wet the bed.

    Online court records did not say whether the Hauers, who also have a biological child and adopted two of the boy’s siblings, have an attorney. Multiple calls to the family’s home went unanswered Monday and the voicemail box was full.

    The complaint, filed Friday, said Mona Hauer brought the boy to Mayo Clinic Health Systems-Mankato on Oct. 9 because she thought he had vomited blood. She said the boy had eating issues and had been regurgitating his food for months.

    He weighed just 34.8 pounds and was 3 feet, 5 inches tall — about the weight of an average 4-year-old when measured on standard growth charts. The complaint said the boy was “very thin, his bones were protruding, and his abdomen was distended.”

More News Stories of Parents Who Abuse or Kill Their Children – stories involving Liver Damage and Dead Chickens

More News Stories of Parents Who Abuse or Kill Their Children

See how becoming a parent automatically confers maturity, godliness, and loving kindness to a person? More examples:

(Link): Father accused of punching his daughter, causing her death

    Nov 16, 2013
    By Patty Yauger

    A North Union Township man is accused of punching his 20-month-old daughter in the stomach, causing injuries that led to her death.

    Domer Wade Burkholder, 30, of 600 Washington Ave., was arraigned late Friday on felony charges of criminal homicide and child endangerment by Magisterial District Judge Wendy Dennis and placed in the Fayette County Prison without bond.

    Fayette County District Attorney Jack Heneks Jr. said that the child, Caylee Jo Burkholder, suffered severe internal injuries, including a lacerated liver, perforated intestines and internal bleeding.

    Continue reading “More News Stories of Parents Who Abuse or Kill Their Children – stories involving Liver Damage and Dead Chickens”

Meet the New Anti-Adoption Movement

Meet the New Anti-Adoption Movement The surprising next frontier in reproductive justice

(Link): Meet the New Anti-Adoption Movement


    For a long time, Claudia Corrigan D’Arcy thought of herself as an adoption success story. Pregnant at 18 from an affair with her boss, she denied the pregnancy until her coworkers began to notice.

    Too far along to get an abortion, she looked up an adoption agency in the Yellow Pages and found herself agreeing to move to Boston and live with a host family until she gave birth.

    Her son, who she calls Max (his adoptive parents gave him a different name), was born in November of 1987 and handed over to a couple Corrigan D’Arcy had only seen in photos. And that was that.

    She told herself she’d done the smart thing. She’d given her son a two-parent family of means. It wasn’t until more than a decade later that Corrigan D’Arcy, by then married and the mother of three more children, began to rethink what had happened.

    By having her move to a new state while pregnant, she felt the agency was purposely isolating her from friends and family who might have helped her. Though she knew who her baby’s father was, the agency told her not to tell him she was pregnant.

    She could have sued him for child support—he was a wealthy lawyer—but the adoption agency didn’t talk about that, only about the hardships she would face as a “welfare mom,” should she keep her child. They called her a “family-building angel” and a “saint” for considering adoption. “It was crazy subtle, subtle, subtle brainwashing,” she told me recently.

    Adoption has long been perceived as the win-win way out of a a difficult situation.

    An unwed mother gets rid of the child she’s not equipped to care for; an adoptive family gets a much-wanted child. But people are increasingly realizing that the industry is not nearly as well-regulated and ethical as it should be. There are issues of coercion, corruption, and lack of transparency that are only now being fully addressed.

    The past decade has seen the rise of a broad and loose coalition of activists out to change the way adoption works in America.

    This coalition makes bedfellows of people who would ordinarily have nothing to do with each other: Mormon and fundamentalist women who feel they were pressured by their churches, progressives who believe adoption is a classist institution that takes the children of the young and poor and gives them to the wealthier and better-educated, and adoptive parents who have had traumatic experiences with corrupt adoption agencies.

    Continue reading “Meet the New Anti-Adoption Movement”

Leader of Hyper Family Focused, Fertility Cult (Vision Forum Ministries) Steps Down After Admitting to Having an “Emotional Affair”

Leader of Hyper Family Focused, Fertility Cult (Vision Forum Ministries) Steps Down After Admitting to Having an “Emotional Affair”

You can read this guy’s resignation letter here:
(Link): Statement of Resignation by Douglas Phillips


    There has been serious sin in my life for which God has graciously brought me to repentance. I have confessed my sin to my wife and family, my local church, and the board of Vision Forum Ministries. I engaged in a lengthy, inappropriate relationship with a woman. While we did not “know” each other in a Biblical sense, it was nevertheless inappropriately romantic and affectionate.

I am not an expert on all things Vision Forums Ministries, and I tend to lump all these groups together, but like Quiverfulls and Reconstructionsts, if I am not mistaken, VFM (Vision Forum Ministries) is one of thoes groups who teach very, very strict gender roles to the point they may advocate that girls should NOT receive an education, that they should only be brought up to be wives and mothers.

From what I recall, VFM is like Dobon’s “Focus on the Family,” but on steroids. They place far, far too much stock on marriage, having children, and strict gender roles.

Groups such as VFM tend to elevate marriage to the point that singles and singlehood is denigrated. The unmarried are viewed as not being wholly in God’s image, that they are only “one half” until they marry.

If I recall correctly they may be one of the Christian cultic groups that idolize marriage and childrearing/ bearing even more than main stream conservative Christians do.

They probably adhere to the standard stereotypes of the unmarried that mainstream Christians do: that, supposedly, all singles are sleazy, over sexed harlots who are highly promiscuous and who are selfish and immature. So I find it funny that one of their own admits to being involved in an “inappropriate relationship” with another woman.

These hyper family-, hyper traditional marriage- obsessed Christian groups that keep screaming and ranting about things such as single-mother homes, women having more babies out of wedlock, etc, who assume that married people are as sexually pure as the freshly driven snow and that married are superior to singles, need to ‘walk the walk’ that they preach to the rest of us, but they often do not.

I am tired of married Christians acting as though they are more godly or pure than single adult and childless Christians, or they think by virtue of being married and/ or a parent they are “more of a Christian,” but you have long time Christians such as myself, who is age 40+, who is still a virgin (I remained true to biblical sexual teachings).

I am actually living out sexual purity (for three plus decades), but these hyper- pro- family, pro traditional gender roles, sexist, pro patriarchy cretins sleep around (or, in this case, have “emotional affairs.”)

These are the same backwards idiots who have “purity balls,” where they teach their little daughters that their sexuality belongs to their fathers and then later, if they marry, to their husbands.

Novel concept: teach your daughters that their sexuality belongs to them and them alone. You can teach them to believe that sex is for marriage only -that is all well and good- but let them know they can make their own choices in life. Their sexuality is theirs – it’s not even “God’s.”

Quote at me all day about, “you are not your own – bought at a price,” and just no.

How I cringe when Christian pro-celibacy books tell singles, “Your body/sexuality is not yours, it belongs to God/ the community.” Er no, it’s mine, not God’s, not the church’s.

I can see how feeling that one’s sexuality is an individualistic matter can lead to societal problems, but not if you have excellent self control, such as me (virgin at age 40+ here). My sexuality is mine, not God’s, not the church’s, not my “future husband’s” (should I marry).

Anyway, these uber- family obsessed cultic Christian groups cannot even practice what they preach to the rest of us.

(Link): Doug Phillips Resigns from Vision Forum, Cites Affair

(Link): Doug Phillips, Vision Forum Family Man Sabotages Marriage

Excerpt (please click the link above to visit their blog and read the rest):

    Best known for his Vision Forum catalog — a colorful collection of apparently innocuous family friendly products mailed to more than a million people each autumn — Doug Phillips uses the wealth generated by his for-profit sales, as well as donations from the public, to promote his vision on controversial issues including education (home education is the only Biblical method), birth control (wrong in all circumstances), politics (a vote for either Kerry or Bush was a sin), and the roles of husbands and wives (hyper-Patriarchy at home and at church).

    Doug Phillips first came to the attention of those of us at Ministry Watchman when he publicly defended his buddy, R.C. Sproul, Jr., who was defrocked after confessing to ecclesiastical tyranny and the theft and illegal use of a church denomination’s tax-ID number.

    … The first, an exposé of how Doug Phillips’ family practices have not matched his family preaching, begins below. — MW

    Officially, not-for-profit Vision Forum Ministries exists “to encourage and equip the biblical family and to train and facilitate fathers leading their families….” Doug Phillips’ focus on fathers is not an accident; he is perhaps the most prominent leader in the Patriarchy movement, a growing trend of returning to the biblical role models for men leading their families and submissive women helping their husbands or fathers.

    Although the inspiration for this movement is understandable — a reaction to the all-too-common problem today of men abdicating their leadership over their families in deference to a radical feminist movement that has pervaded even the church — the danger of reaction is that it can be a pendulum that swings too far to the opposite extreme. While much of Doug Phillips’ teachings on the biblical roles of men and women seems to be sound, some of the applications of those teachings have proven to be very troubling.

(Link): Doug Phillips: The Big Scandal You Didn’t Hear About and Why It Matters

    Posted: 11/06/2013 1:29 pm
    by Julie Ingersoll

    Doug Phillips, the Home School Movement’s leading Quiverful Patriarch resigned from Vision Forum Ministries, admitting a “lengthy inappropriate relationship” with a woman. It appears that while as he has been fighting homosexuality and feminism as threats to marriage, he has actually been the threat.

    His supporters are lauding his resignation letter as appropriately contrite repentance and arguing that this has no bearing on the validity of Biblical Patriarchy. But actually it does, making this more important than another hypocritical cheating scandal.

    Phillips is a key figure bringing Christian Reconstruction into the larger home school world. Building upon R.J. Rushdoony’s postmillennialism and “Biblical Philosophy of History,” he teaches home-schooling families to “exercise dominion” through 200-year plans, “multi-generational faithfulness” and “Biblical Patriarchy.”

    His influence is hard to overstate; there is barely a part of the home-school movement his empire has not touched.

    … Phillips was a founder of the patriarchal Family Integrated Church Movement. He has close partnerships with Henry Morris at Institute for Creation Research, the Duggar family of 19 Kids and Counting and actor-turned-Christian activist Kirk Cameron.

    … Phillips’ infidelity is more than a private matter because, by design, his Biblical Patriarchy makes women vulnerable such that even with a husband repeatedly violating his marriage vows, practically speaking, a wife has no options.

    The Family, in Biblical Patriarchy, is the primary institution through which God has delegated authority entirely to men. Women are to be “in submission in all things,” first to their fathers and then to husbands, chosen by fathers. The purpose of the family is the exercise of the patriarch’s dominion, especially through procreation. Women are to bear as many children as is possible. Anything short of that is deemed selfishness, accommodation with the “culture of death” and rebellion against God’s will.

    ….Education for girls within Biblical Patriarchy is focused on training them for domestic duties. Vision Forum’s catalogs, Beautiful Girlhood Collection and the All American Boy’s Adventure Catalog, stated purpose is to teach “Biblical” gender norms: meekness, submissiveness and dependency for girls; chivalry, curiosity and adventurousness for boys. There are strategies for boys to obtain college degrees without actually attending college but college education for girls is often seen as unnecessary and even destructive.

    …For girls they offer a “Father Daughter Retreat” (noted for its creepiness), in which fathers “lead,” “woo” and “win” their daughters to become “industrious, family-affirming, children-loving, women of God.”

    Phillips’ scandal calls attention to the dangers of the world he wants to build: A woman raised in Biblical Patriarchy is carefully sheltered, most especially to opportunities to develop any kind of self-sufficiency. If she finds herself with a houseful of children and a husband forced to admit publicly to unfaithfulness that extends over a long period of time, she has no options.

    The cheated wife is not likely to be supported by the patriarchal community. The leaders (all male) are likely to be sympathetic the husband’s “temptation” and should she discuss the situation outside of the sanctioned forums controlled by men she will be denounced as a gossip. Sometimes the women are blamed: the “other woman” as Satan’s temptress and even the completely innocent wife for having “let herself go” or being inadequately submissive.

(Link): Patriarchy proponent Doug Phillips resigns after extramarital relationship

You can read even more about VFM here (I am not necessarily in total agreement with all views of all blogs/ sites/ articles I link to):

(Link): Rethinking Vision Forum

(Link): Cult-Watch Ministry Publishes Article Exposing Doug Phillips

(Link): Vision Forum Heresy – from Under Much Grace

(Link): Ignorance, Stupid Error, and Willful Intent: Vision Forum is still guilty of objectifying women and children

Here is an April 2014 update to this post:
(Link): Married Preacher, Father of Eight Kids (and promoter of “Family Values” and Leader of wacko Quiverfull- and- Patriarchy type groups that promotes idolatry of “the family” and Marriage and of Having Lots of Children), Used Nanny as Sex Object – update on Phillips story
Related posts this blog:

(Link): Focus on the Family Members Practice Infidelity or Homosexuality and Get Divorced and Remarry – links to exposes

(Link): Married Preacher and Father of Five (Geronimo Aguilar) In Trouble Over Multiple Affairs and Sex with Kids

(Link): Pastor Busted in Prostitution Sting – If Married Sex So Great Why Do So Many Married Christian Men Have Affairs

(Link): Prejudiced Writer Stupidly Blames Slutty Halloween Costumes and Societal Ills on Childless the Childfree, and Unmarried Adults – but Married people and parents are not perfect either

(Link): More Married Couples Admit to Sexless Marriages (various articles) / Christians promise you great frequent sex if you wait until marriage, but the propaganda is not true

(Link): Wife of Kinda Famous TV Preacher Guy Committed Multiple Affairs – He tells congregation at church service

Christian evangelical adoption movement perseveres amid criticism, drop in foreign adoptions – yes, they care about orphans but don’t give a squat about adult singles

Christian evangelical adoption movement perseveres amid criticism, drop in foreign adoptions – yes, they care about orphans but don’t give a squat about adult singles

Recall my previous posts:

(Link): Christian evangelical adoption movement perseveres amid criticism, drop in foreign adoptions

    Oct 2013

    To many Christian evangelicals, their commitment to finding homes for the world’s orphans is something to celebrate — and they will, gathering at hundreds of churches across America to direct their thoughts and prayers to these children.

    But the fifth annual Orphan Sunday, this coming weekend, arrives at a challenging time, and not just because the number of international adoptions is dwindling. The adoption movement faces criticisms so forceful that some of its own leaders are paying heed.

    The gist: Some evangelicals are so enamored of international adoption as a mission of spiritual salvation — for the child and the adoptive parents — that they have closed their eyes to adoption-related fraud and trafficking, and have not fully embraced alternatives that would help orphans find loving families in their home countries.

    Some adoption advocates in evangelical circles have angrily rejected the criticisms. But the president of the coalition that organizes Orphan Sunday, Jedd Medefind of the Christian Alliance for Orphans, has urged his allies and supporters to take the critiques to heart even though he disputes some aspects of them. Alliance partners, he says, should be eager to support a broad range of orphan-care programs and to avoid the temptation of viewing adoptive parents as saviors.

    “When the dominant feature of our thinking becomes ‘us as rescuers,’ we’re in grave danger,” Medefind wrote on the alliance website. “What often follows is the pride, self-focus and I-know-better outlook that has been at the root of countless misguided efforts to help others.”

    One leading critic of the movement comes from within evangelical ranks — Professor David Smolin, director of the Center for Biotechnology, Law and Ethics at the law school of Baptist-affiliated Samford University in Alabama. Smolin plunged into the debate after he and his wife adopted two daughters from India in 1998, then learned that the girls had been abducted from an orphanage where they’d been placed temporarily by their mother.

    The evangelical movement “uncritically participates in adoption systems riddled with child laundering, where children are illicitly obtained through fraud, kidnapping or purchase,” Smolin wrote in a law journal article. “The result is often tragically misdirected and cruel, as the movement participates in the needless separation of children from their families.”

    Many of Smolin’s concerns were reinforced with the recent publication of “The Child Catchers,” a book about the evangelical adoption movement by journalist Kathryn Joyce.
    It details cases where foreign children adopted by evangelicals were mistreated and looks at problematic Christian-led adoption initiatives in such countries as Ethiopia, Liberia and Haiti — where Idaho church group leader Laura Silsby briefly was jailed for arranging illegal travel of children after the 2010 earthquake.

    Continue reading “Christian evangelical adoption movement perseveres amid criticism, drop in foreign adoptions – yes, they care about orphans but don’t give a squat about adult singles”

Response to the Hemingway Editorial ‘Fecundophobia’ – conservatives and Christians continue to idolize children, marriage – which is unbiblical

A Response to the Hemingway Editorial ‘Fecundophobia’ – conservatives and Christians continue to idolize children, marriage – which is unbiblical

Ms. Hemingway must be out to lunch.

Other than the secular, hyper-militant Child Free persons (and yes, they do exist, I’ve encountered them on forums or blogs for Child Free, and they are usually self professing pagans or atheists, and they are almost always very liberal and hostile towards Christians, pro lifers, and Republicans), I don’t know of many people who are pushing for, or embracing, “low fertility rates.”

Nor do I know many people among the childless or CF (childfree) who are “afraid” or pregnant women or children.

Here is a link (well, it’s a tiny bit farther below) to the editorial by the woman, Hemingway, who has a misunderstanding about the childless and childfree. Not all childless or childfree are alike in personality, political or religious views, or in their reasons as to why they remain without children.

I’ll only be writing from my particular vantage as a childless woman, I will not be attempting to defend or explain the differing views of or for every single childless or childfree person.

I have additional commentary below these excerpts; there are points where I agree with this author, and points where I do not:

(Link): Fecundophobia: The Growing Fear Of Children And Fertile Women, By Mollie Hemingway

The author, Hemingway, begins by quoting an article by a sportswriter about a football player who is about to have child number seven, and she seems to feel that the author is implying that it is “weird” for the footballer to have so many children.

Here is the section Hemingway quoted:

    And he’s [the football player] also about to have his seventh kid. There are going to be eight people with Rivers DNA running around this world.

If you visit the page in question, however, (Link): the page in question, you can see that the page’s writer is primarily riffing on this point:

    This is the only GIF necessary from this game [showing the footballer’s odd habit of making weird facial distortions and pumping his fists in the air on the sidelines during a game].

    Nick Novak hit a 50-yard field goal just inside the two-minute warning to give the Chargers a two-possession lead. This was Philip Rivers’s reaction. He’s like a sad movie character who pumps himself up in front of a mirror.

The primary point of the page is not fertility at all, but rather, the player’s strange body language and facial expressions he makes during games.

The part about him having six or seven kids is a minor thought that appears at the bottom of that page. It is not the focal point.

Hemingway then goes on to criticize several papers for not criticizing the choices of other football players who asked their girlfriends to get abortions.

Note that Hemingway quotes this by Philips, when asked how he handles being father to six children:

    It’s a two-year rotation: Once the diapers come off of one, we usually have a newborn. And we have another one on the way, due in October. I help when I can, but my wife, Tiffany, is the key.

This is actually one of several reasons I am somewhat opposed to the acceptance of, or pushing of, hyper fertility – the burden is always put primarily on the woman to look after the rug rats, while hubby gets the easier task of shuffling off to the 9 to 5 job daily.

Mom never gets a break; she stays with the children 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

But women like Hemingway think this lop-sided and unfair burden of child care foisted on the woman only is a good thing, I would suppose.

Read about Andrea Yates and how she murdered several of her children after being expected to be a full time mommy with little to no help from anyone, not even her spouse ((Link): Yates information).

Hemingway responds to the perfectly natural, “how the hey do you manage with six children?!” question by asking incredulously,

    — but what kind of question is that? Seriously. Who asks a question like that?

Why, it’s the kind of perfectly normal, natural reaction of someone, of any sane, rational, and logical person, who thinks having more than two or three children is strange, expensive, and very time consuming – that is the sort of person who.

Even people who are currently parents to two or three children might wonder in awe at, or in bewilderment at, why anyone would want to have more than three children, or how they handle more than three, without going broke or being physically exhausted all the time.

It is not only the liberals, childless, or childfree who get puzzled by this sort of thing.

Hemingway writes,

    It may be impolitic to suggest that men and women are in any way different, science be damned, but many women have a particular specialty in cultivating relationships and family. To denigrate women who acknowledge and accept this as a good thing rather than fight against it is not exactly life-affirming.

Christian gender egalitarians note that there are some differences between men and women ((Link): visit CBE – Christians for Biblical Equality), but it does not follow that while women may be better at relationship, or more drawn to building them, that they therefore should all have at least one child, or up to ten of them.

Women can just as easily use their interest in, and talent at, relationships for volunteering to help lonely seniors at senior citizen retirement homes, or volunteering to feed homeless people at soup kitchens, or, helping take care of homeless puppies and cats at the ASPCA.

Hemingway’s argument shortly before that, which gets into how we are all interdependent, actually shoots down her other points which argue in favor of each person having ten children: you can go through life childless but depend on brothers, sisters, uncles, neighbors, friends, and if you are a church goer, fellow church members.

One does not have to have children in order to have someone to depend on, or to be “interdependent.”

Just because a larger percentage of people in contemporary society are choosing not to have children (and remember, some who want to are unable to – from lack of partner to infertility), does not mean all people will make this same choice.

As a matter of fact, the number of babies among unmarried women have been skyrocketing, which is angering, or worrying, a lot of Christians:

Nor does a decrease in people interested in pro-creating necessarily mean all of society will grind to a halt. There will always be someone, somewhere, who will keep getting pregnant and giving birth. (It’s just not going to be me specifically. And that is okay.)

Then there’s this information, which would appear to refute some of Ms. Hemingway’s views:

What Jesus Christ and Paul Taught About Family/ Having Children / Being Married

As a matter of fact, that is the pattern that Jesus Christ sought to establish, that people be freed from the ancient over-dependence on family, because Jesus recognized that such a society ignored those without one, such as orphans, spinsters, and widows:

    While Jesus was still talking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, wanting to speak to him.

    Someone told him, “Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to you.”

    He replied to him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?”

    Pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. 50 For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”
    [source: Matthew 12]

And further, from Matthew 10, Jesus speaking:

    “Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword.

    For I have come to turn
    “‘a man against his father,
    a daughter against her mother,
    a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law—
    a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household.’

    “Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.”

No where in the Bible does Jesus teach that one must have children in order to have someone to “depend upon.”

Having children, in the New Testament, is not listed as a rule or commandment.

Your spiritual brothers and sisters in Christ (that is, other Christians) are to be your primary family; you are not to seek family out in husband, children, mother, or brother.

The Bible does not condemn marriage or having children, but it remains that singlehood, as stated by Paul the Apostle under inspiration of the Holy Spirit, is stated as being preferable for believers – not marriage and procreating.

Quoting Paul:

    Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. [source]

Paul again,

    25 Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy.

    26 Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for a man to remain as he is.
    27 Are you pledged to a woman? Do not seek to be released. Are you free from such a commitment? Do not look for a wife.

    28 But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned.

    But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.

    32 I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord.

    33 But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— 34 and his interests are divided.

    An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband.

    35 I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.
    [source: 1 Corinthians 7]

Culture Still Puts Pressure on Women to Have Children, Contrary to What Hemingway Says

Hemingway states,

    And keeping the womb empty at all costs during all, or nearly all, of one’s fertile years is the sine qua non of modern American womanhood. Woe to the woman who “chooses” otherwise.

I am a right winger, I am a social conservative, and yes, I realize that a lot of the media -which is tilted left- rabidly supports abortion.

I do not support abortion myself.

I am not opposed to women having babies, if that is their informed choice.

However. It remains a fact in American society that outside of left wing media, there is still a tremendous pressure, and expectation, placed upon people, especially women, to crank out babies.

The cultural landscape is the direct opposite of what Hemingway states in her editorial.

Outside of fringe, far left, kook, militant Child Free type groups or individuals, or rabidly militant, secular feminists, there is still a huge expectation from larger culture that women should have babies, and if they do not have children, for whatever reason, they are hounded for it, put down, and insulted, or scolded, or treated as though they are freaks.

Women are attacked for remaining childless not only by commentators such as Hemingway in newspapers and blogs, but also by their baby-obsessed mothers, sisters, aunts, and grandmothers, and female co-workers.

It is a very real perception and stereotype by the child-loving population, which is in the majority, that you are thought weird, baby-hating, evil, incredibly selfish, etc, if you cannot have children, or, if you deliberately choose not to have children.

I have never liked children myself, so I never cared if I had a baby or not.

But please note: I do not “hate” children, I do not fear them, I do not condone child abuse or abortion. I am simply not comfortable around babies and children: they are typically loud, messy, distracting. I prefer not being around them.

At one point in her editorial, Hemingway talks about walking around a city, an area very liberal in flavor. She mentions seeing signs hanging up around that part of town reading, “Thank you for not breeding.”

I suggest to her, I posit, that conservative and Christian culture does the same exact thing as that liberal section of the city she visited, only they are mirror opposites: rather than hanging up signs that say “thank you for not breeding!,” conservatives and Christians hang up signs screaming at women TO marry and TO “breed.”

Continue reading “Response to the Hemingway Editorial ‘Fecundophobia’ – conservatives and Christians continue to idolize children, marriage – which is unbiblical”

Utah: Homosexuals Shouldn’t Be Able to Marry Because They “Cannot Procreate”

Utah: Homosexuals Shouldn’t Be Able to Marry Because They “Cannot Procreate”

I do not support homosexuality, so by extension, I do not support homosexual marriage, but, I do not believe I fully agree with the argument by Christians, social conservatives, Republicans and religious people (eg, Mormons and other groups) that such marriages should be disallowed because homosexuals do not procreate with one another.

The fact of the matter is that some hetero-sexual couples due not pro-create either, whether by choice (use of birth control or surgical sterilization) or due to medical problems (ie, infertility).

The New Testament, in a comment by Apostle Paul, says it is better for a person not to marry.

Marriage is taught in the New Testament to be a life choice, left up to each person; it is not a commandment of God.

By extension, because children come after marriage in Christian sexual ethics, having children is also a choice, not a commandment.

The comment from Genesis about being fruitful and multiplying therefore no longer is applicable under the New Covenant.

Christ’s kingdom is to be grown by teaching pagans about the Gospel, and not by Christians having babies.

Continue reading “Utah: Homosexuals Shouldn’t Be Able to Marry Because They “Cannot Procreate””

Changing Structure of Families – Re Barilla Pasta Guy and Homo Pasta

Changing Structure of Families

I am right wing and a social conservative, but unlike most other social conservatives, I realize that we are not living in 1954 any longer.

The definition of “family” has changed over the decades.

Divorce rates are high. A lot of people are either choosing not to marry or want to marry but are unable to find a partner. People are marrying later in life when and if they do marry. Some married couples are choosing not to have children.

Instead of dealing with the situation as it stands and meeting people where they are, many of my fellow so cons, the Baptists, evangelicals and fundamentalists, choose to gripe and moan about the times being different.

They keep arguing for the 1954 understanding of “the family,” which is a man married to a woman with a child.

Jesus Christ and the New Testament taught that getting married and having a kid are optional, not mandatory, and that remaining single and celibate and childfree / childless are perfectly respectable choices (Jesus never married and never had a kid).

But this isn’t good enough for so cons and Baptists, evangelicals, and fundamentalists. They will gripe and complain about the dissolution of the “traditional family” but at the same time, they seem blind to the fact that the understanding and expression of “family” has changed, or they just refuse to deal with it.

The title “Focus on the family,” a Christian group that remains obsessed with pushing a 1950s ideal of what “family” is, is a bit of a misnomer: what they mean is that they focus on the NUCLEAR, TRADITIONAL 1950s AMERICAN family.

All this adulation of the traditional family means Christians don’t stop to help the divorced, the never married, the childless, the widowed, and so they push people away from Christianity itself, or from church attendance.

For any newbies to the blog: I acknowledge that the Bible and God regard homosexuality as sinful.

I don’t have a problem with the pasta guy in the article not wanting to depict homosexuality as normal and healthy in any commercials for his pasta company.

Pasta Guy has a right to hold and express that view if he so chooses, but merely holding or giving voice to a differing opinion is not even acceptable to the militant, hate- filled homosexuals and their equally rabid hetero supporters.

One aspect of this story that really bothers me here is that the guy was crucified for simply having and voicing an opinion that runs contrary to the PC crowd that has turned homosexuality into a sacred cow.

While I do not agree with homosexuality (and hence also am not on board with the concept of ‘homosexual families’), I do feel that the Christian tendency to idolize the 1950s model of family needlessly excludes the never married, the widows, childless couples, the divorced, as well as Christian homosexuals who are trying to remain celibate.

A lot of conservative, American Christians refuse to deal with things as they are, that people no longer marry by age 25 and pop out two kids. They would prefer to just either go into denial or complaint mode.

(Link): The Evolution of Family

    Oct. 1, 2013
    by Billy Hallowell

    Recent comments by Guido Barilla, chairman of Barilla Group, a brand known for its pasta products, have sparked international calls for a boycott. At the center of the debate are statements the businessman made about homosexuality during a radio interview last Wednesday.

    The company subsequently put out a statement to temper anger, but to no avail. Barilla has now also released a video featuring the chairman apologizing and pledging to meet with groups who were offended by his comments. In the clip Barilla said that the situation has left him both “depressed and saddened.”

    “Through my entire life, I’ve always respected every person I’ve met, including gays and their families without any distinction,” he said in the short video. “I’ve never discriminated against anyone.”

    In addition to offering a personal defense, Barilla also pledged to learn more about the debate surrounding homosexuality and same-sex relationships.

    “It is clear that I have a lot to learn about the lively debate concerning the evolution of the family,” the businessman continued. “In the coming weeks, I pledge to meet representatives of the groups that best represent the evolution of the family including those who have been offended by my words.”

    These comments are a major departure from the views he espoused last week.

    “I would never do [a commercial] with a homosexual family, not for lack of respect but because we don’t agree with them,” he told Radio 24, according to Reuters. “Ours is a classic family where the woman plays a fundamental role.”

    In the same interview (read it here, but you’ll need to translate it from Italian), Barilla said he also opposes gay adoption but is in favor of legalizing same-sex marriage (it’s currently not legal in Italy, as Reuters notes).

    Last Thursday — just one day later — in an effort to clarify and apologize, the company put out a release, noting that a woman’s role is essential to the family and that this was the point Barilla was trying to make. Here’s the full text that was posted on the Barilla Group website:

      With reference to remarks made yesterday to an Italian radio program, I apologize if my words have generated controversy or misunderstanding, or if they hurt someone’s sensitivity.

      For clarity, I would like to point out that:

      – I have the utmost respect for anyone, without distinction of any kind.

      – I have the utmost respect for gay people and for everyone’s right to express themselves.

      – I’ve also said — and I would like to reiterate — that I respect gay marriages.

      – In its advertising, Barilla represents the family – because it’s what welcomes everyone.

      Guido Barilla

    The latest video apology is likely part of an effort to temper bad press and to stem international calls for a boycott.

    It’s unclear what next steps Barilla will take and what the meetings he has pledged to hold will encompass. But in an interview with USA Today, GLAAD, a gay-rights group, spoke out on the matter, offering up one of the solutions that the organization believes could help the situation.

    The group’s Vice President Rich Ferraro suggested that Barilla Group provide financial assistance to gay and lesbian organizations in Italy, where the company is based.

    “I think the public backlash shows that homophobia is bad for business today because we’re living in a world where LGBT people are respected and accepted,” said the gay rights activist. “That wasn’t the case five years ago.”

(Link): Guido Barilla says pasta maker will never show gay families in ads

    Guido Barilla, chairman of the Barilla pasta company, went on the Italian radio show “La Zanzara” and proclaimed, “I would never do an advert with a homosexual family…. If the gays don’t’ like it they can go and eat another brand,” reported The Independent UK.

    He went on to say, “For us the concept of the sacred family remains one of the fundamental values of the company.” And he didn’t stop before moving on to gay adoption. “I have no respect for adoption by gay families because this concerns a person who is not able to choose,” said Barilla.

    Barilla’s remarks sparked an outcry from gay rights groups in Italy and America, including Equality Italia, who has launched a full boycott of every Barilla product. Aureilo Mancuso, chairman of Equality Italia, released a statement on the website, which included the Twitter hash tag boicottabarilla.

(Link): Guido Barilla says gay families will never be featured in ads for his pasta

(Link): Pasta Maker in Boiling Water Over Comments on Gays
Related posts this blog:

(Link): (Articles) Marriage Rate At All Time Low

(Link): Ever Notice That Christians Don’t Care About or Value Singleness, Unless Jesus Christ’s Singleness and Celibacy is Doubted or Called Into Question by Scholars?

(Link): More single dads than ever head US households

(Link): The Nauseating Push by Evangelicals for Early Marriage

(Link): Christian Males Blaming their Unwanted Protracted Singleness on Feminism – They have the wrong target

(Link): Article by J. Watts: The Scandal of Singleness – singles never married christian

(Link): Online Interview – Re Impact of Americans delaying marriage

(Link): Remarriage rates plunge as divorced Americans have doubts – and about Christian culture and divorce and remarriage vs singleness

(Link): Never Married Christians Over Age 35 who are childless Are More Ignored Than Divorced or Infertile People or Single Parents

(Link): Goodbye to romance: Are rom-coms worse than porn? (How Hollywood Feeds Into People’s Tendency to Idolize Marriage and Turn a Spouse Into a Deity)

(Link): A Case Against Early Marriage by Ashley Moore (editorial)

(Link): Heartless, Simplistic, Crap-tastic Christian Advice by Carolyn Mahaney – for singles who desire marriage / and Re Girl Talk Blog

(Link): Good Grief! Five Million Dollar Family Idoltary on Display: Focus on the Family Launches $5 Million Project Targeting Family Breakdown, Social Ills – Please, when you say you support marriage, be honest about what you REALLY mean

(Link): How Christians Keep Christians Single part 2 – The Unmarried Movie

(Link): Christian TV Personality ( Jimmy Evans ) Says You Cannot Meet God’s Destiny For Your Life Without A Spouse = Anti Singleness Singlehood Singles Bias Prejudice Making Idol out of Marriage

(Link): Links: Delayed Marriage and How Straight People Paved the Way for Gay Marriage

(Link): Secular Media Also Pushing Early Marriage

(Link): Link Roundup 1 – Abusive Mothers, Christians Shaming Singles For Desiring Marriage, Family Fixation