Authors at The Federalist Keep Bashing Singleness in the Service of Promoting Marriage – Which Is Not Okay


Authors at The Federalist Keep Bashing Singleness in the Service of Promoting Marriage – Which Is Not Okay

In the last two months, I’ve seen two different editorials from conservative site The Federalist in support of marriage (or parenthood).

I’m a conservative. I am not in opposition to marriage or people choosing to have children.

My issue with other conservatives is that they are so paranoid of liberals and assume all liberals are anti-marriage and anti-parenthood to the degree that they leave no room for nuance, meaning, that unfortunately, many pro-marriage and pro-parenthood conservatives end up “trash talking” singleness and the state of being childless (or being childfree).

I’m a conservative woman who has never married, and I’ve never had children, yet I do not hate marriage or married people having children, and I am so tired of these conservative authors or pundits feeling it necessary to put down single or childless adults like myself in their quest to defend marriage and natalism – conservative single adults like myself get caught in the cross-fire.

If you are a conservative who believes too many liberals are anti-marriage or anti-parenthood, and you want to speak out in favor of either station, that’s fine with me, but as a single, childless, conservative woman, I do get very hacked off and offended to read these conservative articles and editorials whose authors assume that any and all single and childless (or childfree) adults are awful, selfish, anti-family, weird, under-developed, or jerks.

Not every one in the United States today who is single past the age of 30, or who is childless or is childfree, is a feminist, a liberal, a progressive, pro-abortion, Democrat, or anti-family.

So, to my fellow conservatives, stop assuming that all single adults who remain single by choice OR by circumstance, or who are childless or childfree, are terrible, selfish, or are baby-hating progressives.

There is ZERO NEED to defend or promote marriage by talking in a derogatory manner about singleness or the state of being childless or childfree.

Make your case in favor of marriage or natalism without resorting to insulting all single adults, or assuming and making the false case that all single adults hate marriage, hate babies, or vote Democrat.

Here is the first of two recent pro-marriage or pro-natalism editorials at conservative site The Federalist  that manage to work in insults and slams against single adults or singleness itself – which is totally shameful and unnecessary!

(Link):  Joy Behar Accidentally Admits Social Conservatives Were Right About Sex

Pertinent Excerpts:

BY: NATHANAEL BLAKE
December 10, 2021

… In particular, large numbers of unattached men are bad for society; having a family encourages men to be productive and protective, rather than idle drones or predators.
— end excerpts —

I mean, really? It’s not necessary or fair to refer to or describe men who remain single as being “idle drones or predators.”

I have a long-running list of news headlines at my blog (in this post) of married men (some who even work as church pastors) who were arrested for wife abuse, making child porn, or raping children.

Serial killer John Wayne Gacy was married to a woman, had two biological children by her, but he went on to rape and murder over two dozen young men. Did marriage and fatherhood make Gacy more “loving” and “giving?” No, no it did not.

Marriage does not stop a man from being “a predator.”

Continue reading “Authors at The Federalist Keep Bashing Singleness in the Service of Promoting Marriage – Which Is Not Okay”

This New Year’s Eve, Celebrate the Women Who Choose to Stay Single by Amy Polacko 

This New Year’s Eve, Celebrate the Women Who Choose to Stay Single by Amy Polacko

(Link): This New Year’s Eve, Celebrate the Women Who Choose to Stay Single  

Excerpts:

We unmarrieds may have no “other half,” but we are far from alone. Nearly 50 percent of the U.S. population is single, and many of us wouldn’t have it any other way.

By Amy Polacko, divorce coach and journalist
Are you by yourself? Did you come alone? What — no date? Hey, I know this nice guy …

Nothing — I mean nothing — brings out the cupid busybodies like New Year’s Eve. But you can stop asking us single ladies, “So, who will you be kissing at midnight?” We’re content that the answer is “no one.”

…We unmarried maids may have no “other half,” but we are far from alone. Nearly 50 percent of the U.S. population is single — compared to 29 percent of households in 1990. A recent Pew Research Center report on census data showed the spike among singles over the past 30 years came largely from those who have never been married.

Contrary to sad stereotypes, many single women wouldn’t have it any other way. This New Year’s, instead of bugging women about their single status when the ball drops, try celebrating it along with them.

…Elizabeth Engelberg, a clinical psychologist, noted that many women today “are not willing to put up with things they have in the past — especially if they’ve had a tough marriage or two.” Another factor in the singledom surge, she said, is that “some women want an authentic connection and just can’t find the right one.”

With more women working, marriage is becoming a choice — not a necessity.

Plus, 77 percent of Americans say divorce is morally acceptable, up 18 points from 2001, according to a 2019 Gallup poll.

Both developments mean women are increasingly willing to hold out for everything they want in a mate, or, as Engelberg put it, “They’re simply less willing to settle.”

…Engelberg said men, on the other hand, are more likely to accept a partner who’s not a perfect match just to avoid being alone.

Continue reading “This New Year’s Eve, Celebrate the Women Who Choose to Stay Single by Amy Polacko “

It’s Okay If You Don’t Have Baby Fever! by Olga Khazan

It’s Okay If You Don’t Have Baby Fever! By Olga Khazan

The Atlantic is one of those sites that periodically publishes some material I agree with and enjoy, but ever since Trump was in (and now out of) office, they seem to go the other route and publish some bat sh*t insane leftist material.

The following article seems okay to me, though. But please don’t assume that if or when I share an article or editorial at The Atlantic that I always agree with all of their content.

(Link): It’s Okay If You Don’t Have Baby Fever – via The Atlantic

Excerpts:

A deep, sudden longing for babies is certainly real, but it’s not a prerequisite for having kids.
By Olga Khazan

Dec 22, 2021

….But some people—research and, frankly, real life shows—will get pregnant this winter without getting baby fever, without even thinking about babies, and indeed without really meaning to at all.

And I’m here to tell you that’s also totally normal and fine.

Being a woman of what obstetricians charmingly call “advanced maternal age,” I have tried to detect the mysterious force that is baby fever, so far to no avail.

At first, I thought I’d get baby fever when I woke up on the first day of my 35th year, my body suddenly deciding that I would enjoy changing diapers more than watching TV. That didn’t occur…

Continue reading “It’s Okay If You Don’t Have Baby Fever! by Olga Khazan”

‘Happily Married’ Music Minister Fatally Shoots Wife, Adult Son and Daughter – Masculinity, Male Headship, Marriage and Parenthood Does Not Save a Society

‘Happily Married’ Music Minister Fatally Shoots Wife, Adult Son and Daughter – Masculinity, Male Headship, Marriage and Parenthood Does Not Save a Society

A lot of pro-marriage, pro-natalism, pro-Nuclear Family groups or persons – especially social conservatives and Christians – like to argue or put forth the notion that marriage and parenthood are necessary to make a person more loving, ethical, mature, or that marriage and parenthood can fix or improve a society, though the Bible certainly does not state as such any where, and common sense and observation of the news indicates those are false beliefs.

Some of those conservative groups (and for years, Hollywood suggested this in movies, too) like to pontificate that being married can make a person happy, whole, and complete (if you’re a Christian, shouldn’t you really be teaching that all that is necessary to complete a person is a relationship with God via Jesus his son?).

(By the way, I am a conservative myself, and I am not opposed to marriage, parenthood, and the nuclear family. However, I  am opposed at how some segments of culture, including other conservatives, elevate marriage, parenthood, and the nuclear family to an undeserved, unrealistic degree.)

In spite of all the pro-family, pro-marriage propaganda by Christians and other conservatives, every so often, we all see these news stories about a married person (who may also be a parent) who is arrested for having abused or murdered his spouse and children (or someone else’s children).

Here’s another example below.

Being married and a parent did NOT make this man happy or more godly, loving, or ethical than being single and childless or childfree.

Let this also go to demonstrate that Christian Gender Complementarianism, which encompasses a view, among other things, that manly-men, or masculinity, can “save” a culture, or that “male headship” is a good and godly thing, is a bunch of bunk.

The guy’s bio blurb on the church’s page (which is now only available via “The Wayback Machine,” I believe), says that he is “happily married.” How happy did marriage make this man, if he murdered his wife and two of his three adult children?

What is intrinsic to masculinity, male headship, patriarchy, parenthood, and marriage, made this guy cherish and protect his wife and kids – nothing, apparently, because he murdered them.

(Link): Florida church musical director killed wife, two kids at family’s home: sheriff

Dec 2, 2021
By Joshua Rhett Miller

A Florida man gunned down his wife of 30 years and two adult children at their home — shooting each victim multiple times so “they didn’t suffer,” authorities said.

William Conway Broyles, who serves as musical director at a Jacksonville church, shot his 57-year-old wife, Candace, in the living room of their Callahan home early Wednesday, WJXT reported.

Continue reading “‘Happily Married’ Music Minister Fatally Shoots Wife, Adult Son and Daughter – Masculinity, Male Headship, Marriage and Parenthood Does Not Save a Society”

Rebuttal to, Or Observations About, the Kerwin Holmes Jr. Editorial “On Finding ‘The One:’ Another Correction on Christian Teaching Concerning Romance”

Rebuttal to, Or Observations About, the Kerwin Holmes Jr. Editorial “On Finding ‘The One:’ Another Correction on Christian Teaching Concerning Romance”

The following post has been edited after publication to fix typing mistakes or to add more commentary.


I will be commenting on this editorial about singleness and marriage on The Christian Post:

(Link): On finding ‘the one:’ Another correction on Christian teaching concerning romance by Kerwin Holmes Jr

That post as linked to on The Christian Post’s Facebook page:

(Link): On Finding The One – post on Facebook Page

This guy’s editorial is written in an odd way, so I’m having to go back and re-read it to just to try and comprehend some of the points he’s making.

Maybe I am totally wrong about this, but my impression is that Holmes is either in his 20s at this time, or in his 30s.
(Wait until he’s in his 40s or older and STILL single.  If Holmes still has not married by age 40 or older, his views on these matters will likely shift in time, thanks to good old life experience.) kermitTyping

Also distracting: his first name, Kerwin, reminds me of Kermit the Frog, so I unintentionally keep visualizing Kermit sitting at a keyboard typing this editorial I am reading. (That is not intended to be an ad hominem, just a random aside.)

At the beginning of Holmes’ editorial, he tells readers to view or read dating advice articles or videos by Christian pastors or personalities that he agrees with, such as the works by Reformed pastors or personalities in general and Voddie Baucham in particular .

Let me stop him right there.

I spent years following Christian dating advice (stuff I read or heard in the 1980s and 1990s, advice by and from standard, run- of- the- mill conservative Baptist or evangelical Christians), and none of that smelly, stupid advice ever actually helped me to marry, though I had wanted to be married for many years (I am currently in my 50s and still single). 

As a matter of fact, a lot of Christian dating advice, even the advice by conservative Christians, is counter-productive and actually plays a role in keeping single adults single (this includes, and is not limited to, the “be equally yoked” rule).

Continue reading “Rebuttal to, Or Observations About, the Kerwin Holmes Jr. Editorial “On Finding ‘The One:’ Another Correction on Christian Teaching Concerning Romance””

Dating Is Hard. It’s Even Harder When You Don’t Want Kids by Danai Nesta Kupemba

Dating Is Hard. It’s Even Harder When You Don’t Want Kids By Danai Nesta Kupemba

(Link): Dating Is Hard. It’s Even Harder When You Don’t Want Kids

Excerpts:

… She [Alex] says she’s upfront about her decision to be child-free in her dating profiles and also tells prospective partners about it on first dates. However, the conversation has often been met with shock, confusion, and that question other child-free women know all too well: “Why?”

“I remember one guy who, when I told him I didn’t want children, asked me, ‘Why do you want a boyfriend then?’” she says. “‘What are you going to do with a boyfriend if it’s not to start a family?’”

For women who choose to navigate the already perilous sea of dating, being child-free by choice can come with its own unique set of challenges.

Continue reading “Dating Is Hard. It’s Even Harder When You Don’t Want Kids by Danai Nesta Kupemba”

Meet the People Who Won’t Have Sex Until They’re Sterilized

Meet the People Who Won’t Have Sex Until They’re Sterilized

(Link): Meet the People Who Won’t Have Sex Until They’re Sterilized

Excerpts:

by Alaina Demopoulos

…But when it came to her own feelings, Sasha “dreaded almost every other aspect of being a parent.” She didn’t want to experience pregnancy, the trauma of childbirth, the financial burden of raising a little one. And she worried how being a parent would “directly inhibit [her] ability to achieve other goals in life.”

 Sasha spent time volunteering with children to see if she’d change her mind. It only solidified her feelings. “I didn’t dislike the kids, [but] I just wasn’t comfortable there,” she said. “I realized that parenting a young kid would just not be for me.”

…She began researching permanent contraception in the form of a sterilization procedure. Sasha made the decision to not have sex until she could afford the surgery.

To this day, she hasn’t been able to get one. So Sasha, who is now 25 and lives in Minneapolis, hasn’t had sex since her sophomore year of college.

Part of the problem, Sasha and others say, is how difficult it can be for young women and non-binary people to convince doctors they will not “regret” opting into a procedure that leaves them unable to have children for the rest of their lives.

Women in the United States must be 21 to have their sterilizations covered by Medicaid or the Indian Health Service. Those with private insurance do not have that age restriction.

Continue reading “Meet the People Who Won’t Have Sex Until They’re Sterilized”

Why Putin’s Desperate Push for More Russian Babies Will Fail

Why Putin’s Desperate Push for More Russian Babies Will Fail

I placed parts of the following article in bold-faced type.

Too often, a lot of people, religious conservatives in particular, shame people who cannot or do not marry and have children, whether it’s by circumstance or choice.

Too many religious conservatives, and a lot of progressive secular culture for many years, implied or outright stated if an adult didn’t marry (or have children) that there was something “wrong” with them, they were a loser, not a “true” adult, or were being selfish.

It is just quite irritating and insulting how so many people in many cultures the world over don’t treat adult singleness (or being childless or childfree) with respect.

Complementarian Christians in the United States have often tried to sell a “fairy tale” view off marriage, that if you just trust God, God will send you a great soul mate, and you will find nothing but happiness as a result.

(Those same Christians, though, will tell Christian women married to abusive Christian husbands that they cannot divorce their abuser!)

Christians also set up unrealistic expectations for sex in marriage. At least while I was growing up, and into the 1990s, a lot of Christians sold this bogus view that if you just hung on to your virginity that God would not only send you a great spouse, but you’d have regular and fantastic sex.

But witness those of us who remained sexually abstinent and yet still remain single, or those who married but ended up in sexually unsatisfying marriages.

I’m not opposed to Christians advocating for a traditional, Christian sexual ethos, but they need to stop making grand, sweeping claims and promises claiming that you will have a rosy (marital) future if you just remain chaste – because often, those promises do not come to pass.

I am not Russian, but if gender roles and gender expectations in Russia are anything like I’ve grown up with in the United States, it sounds like (based on a quote by a Russian woman I’ve included below) as though Russian culture – like American culture, especially Christian complementarians – expect women to place every one and every thing as a priority over what they, the women, want.

I am so tired of cultures the world over expecting that women defer to men generally, to what governments want, etc.

(Link): Why Putin’s Desperate Push for More Russian Babies Will Fail

Anna Nemtsova
Mon, September 6, 2021

Russia is facing a dire demographic crisis, and it doesn’t seem to be going away anytime soon.

The country’s dramatic natural population decline in the past six months—more than double the rate from the same time period last year—is so severe that it prompted President Vladimir Putin to come out with a rallying cry in support of larger families last week. “A strong family bringing up two, three, or four children,” he said, “should be the image of a future Russia.”

Realizing this goal will be a Herculean task, for many reasons. No matter how conservative the country is made out to be on state television, the States Statistic Service reports that as of 2020 73 percent of Russian marriages ended in divorce, with 48 percent divorcing before having children.

Continue reading “Why Putin’s Desperate Push for More Russian Babies Will Fail”

The Two Reasons Parents Regret Having Kids by G. Cornwall

The Two Reasons Parents Regret Having Kids

(Link): The Two Reasons Parents Regret Having Kids

Excerpts:

Aug 31, 2021
by Gail Cornwall

A small but significant proportion of mothers and fathers wish they’d never had children. The whole family can suffer as a result.

Carrie wishes that she’d never had children. She spent a few years feeling satisfied as a mother, but now locks herself in the kitchen and wonders, Who am I? What am I doing here? 

She can’t pursue paid work, because she has to shepherd her 12-year-old and 10-year-old to school as well as to therapy appointments for their disabilities.

Carrie, who lives in the U.K., told me that she often fantasizes about visiting her friend in Hawaii and never coming back. Her words felt so taboo that she asked to be referred to by only her first name. But sentiments of parental regret are less rare than one might imagine.

When American parents older than 45 were asked in a 2013 Gallup poll how many kids they would have if they could “do it over,” approximately 7 percent said zero.

Continue reading “The Two Reasons Parents Regret Having Kids by G. Cornwall”

Amid Population Crisis, China Will Now Allow Three Children Per Family

Amid Population Crisis, China Will Now Allow Three Children Per Family

(Link): Amid Population Crisis, China Will Now Allow Three Children Per Family

by Jazz Shaw
August 23, 2021

Beginning back in 1980, China imposed a “one-child policy” on families in an effort to control population growth and supposedly make more resources available for every citizen.

The results of that type of state control over human biology were catastrophic on a number of levels, not least of which was the millions of forced abortions that ensued.

But there were other issues as well.

The country has been facing what the government admits is a “demographic crisis” that threatens to undermine the economy and the nation’s stability.

Continue reading “Amid Population Crisis, China Will Now Allow Three Children Per Family”

Should Parents’ Votes Count More? Unpacking J. D. Vance’s Attack on the “Childless Left”

Should Parents’ Votes Count More? Unpacking J. D. Vance’s Attack on the “Childless Left”

The answer to the question put forth by J. D. Vance, “should parents’ votes count more than those of the childless” is a resounding NO.

I’m not exactly sure if Vance defines himself as a conservative, a populist, or what.

But I find that people who are non-liberal, non-left tend to assume anyone who is single or childless is an anti-American, Democrat-voting, nuclear family hating heretic.

I’m a conservative woman who arrived into middle age with never having married or having had children – not by choice, but by circumstance.

I deeply resent how so many conservatives or other types of non-liberals frequently equate womanhood, or maturity, with marriage and parenting (having children). It’s revolting and sexist.

Other conservatives (or non-liberals and non-leftists) who despise the left, who want to “own” the left, frequently come up with moves like this, which inevitably end up causing collateral damage.

Not all women (and men) who remain single and childless are there by choice or because they hate marriage and the nuclear family.

I will say that it’s rather disingenuous for the author of the following to frame the situation as Vance starting the “cultural war” when as of the last several years, non-liberals have been responding to cultural wars begun by liberals!

Contrary to leftist and liberal propaganda (as what appears in this piece at The Week by Mathis), conservatives and Republicans do not want to suppress votes, or stop anyone (i.e., American citizen) from voting.

(Link): Should Parents’ Votes Count More? Unpacking J. D. Vance’s Attack on the “Childless Left”

by Joel Mathis
July 26, 2021

J.D. Vance has endured a tough start to his campaign for the open U.S. Senate seat in Ohio, so maybe it’s no surprise that he’s borrowing a time-tested Republican tactic and doubling down on cultural warfare.

During a gathering of conservatives on Friday, the onetime Hillbilly Elegy author blasted the “childless left” — citing by name Democratic politicians including Vice President Kamala Harris, Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg, Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-N.Y.), and Sen. Cory Booker (D-N.J.).

“Why is this just a normal fact of American life, that the leaders of our country should be people who don’t have a personal indirect stake in it via their own offspring, via their own children and grandchildren?” Vance asked, rhetorically. (Harris, for what it’s worth, has two stepchildren with her husband, Doug Emhoff.)

 Better, he suggested, to give extra voting power to America’s parents.

Continue reading “Should Parents’ Votes Count More? Unpacking J. D. Vance’s Attack on the “Childless Left””

Women Are Having Fewer Babies Because They Have More Choices by Jill Filipovic

Women Are Having Fewer Babies Because They Have More Choices by Jill Filipovic

I bet my fellow conservatives are gnashing their teeth over this one, though I didn’t see anything wrong or bad about it.
Conservatives really need to resist the urge to take knee-jerk positions against anything and everything feminists say, and they need to stop deifying motherhood.

(Link): Women Are Having Fewer Babies Because They Have More Choices

Excerpt:

Further, while birthrates are dropping, the total percentage of women who are mothers has risen, in part thanks to older women, college-educated women and unmarried women being more likely to have a baby than they had been.

Childbearing remains overwhelmingly the norm: 86 percent of American women ages 40 to 44 are mothers. Motherhood isn’t on the decline so much as motherhood is delayed, and families with one or two children are ascendant.

Continue reading “Women Are Having Fewer Babies Because They Have More Choices by Jill Filipovic”