The Chelsea Handler Childless Woman Upset: Other Conservatives Wrongly Conflating Married Motherhood with Womanhood or Happiness, Meaning, Purpose

The Chelsea Handler Childless Woman Upset: Other Conservatives Wrongly Conflating Married Motherhood with Womanhood or with Happiness, Meaning, or Purpose

After entertainer Chelsea Handler uploaded (Link): a Tweet with a video of herself listing the numerous ways she enjoys life due to being childless – I didn’t see anything in the video mentioning abortion – a lot of other conservatives jumped to shame and scold Handler for being happy about being childless and publicly expressing that happiness.

Others have said that Handler had two or three abortions in the past. The fact that Handler previously had abortions does not change the substance of my problems with conservative reaction to Handler’s video.

I am pro-life, not pro-choice, so I don’t agree with Handler’s actions to terminate her pregnancies.

However, again, I don’t recall Handler’s “happy to be childless” video advocating abortion or mentioning anything about abortion.

I don’t think her video criticized or shamed women for being mothers or for wanting to be mothers.

The only possible, even remotely “anti motherhood” take away one can get from her video is that mothers – assuming they are good, non-abusive mothers – invest a lot of time in child-rearing, but Handler doesn’t frame it in an anti-motherhood way.

It’s Okay For Women to Be Childless at Any Age and to be Happy About Being Childless, Just Like It’s Okay For Mothers to Be Happy About Being Mothers

Handler was just showing ways she has more free time because she doesn’t have to participate in childcare – which is not the same thing as being “anti-motherhood,” or telling other women they are wrong to be mothers.

It’s perfectly fine for a woman to be single and childless and to be happy about it.

Women can and should find meaning and purpose apart from marriage and motherhood. It’s unhealthy for any person to wrap up all their happiness, meaning, or purpose into one identity, station of life, or role.

If you are a married mother, your children will grow up, move out, and seldom visit you once they’re gone. Your husband may develop dementia, abuse you, or cheat on you, so that you will be without emotional support or you will have to divorce him.
In all these situations, you will be left with yourself, by yourself, and god help you if you never forged purpose, identity, happiness, or meaning apart from a spouse and children.

There’s no reason to criticize or shame an adult, man or woman, for being single and childless and for being happy about it and posting about it.

My fellow conservatives often push motherhood (via podcasts, tweets, magazine articles, church sermons, blog posts, etc) to a loopy, creepy, fevered pitch, about how super awesome, fulfilling, and wonderful motherhood supposedly is – but goodness forbid a childless woman lists or publicizes the ways she’s happy with being childless – and do so without criticizing motherhood or mothers. That’s a huge double standard.

I also didn’t agree with Handler’s mockery of single women who choose to remain virgins until marriage or to remain chaste (I blogged about that (Link): here a few years ago).

Unfortunately, in the midst of criticizing Handler, a lot of conservatives today were conflating “womanhood” to married motherhood. 

However, a woman remains a woman regardless if she has a child or is infertile, childless, or childfree, or whether she wants to have children or not.

The Bizarre, Misguided Shaming of Single and Childless or Childfree Women by Pro-Lifer Abby Johnson – (Not All Single, Childless Women are Liberal, Pro-Choice Feminists)

The Bizarre, Misguided Shaming of Single and Childless or Childfree Women by Pro-Lifer Abby Johnson – (Not All Single, Childless Women are Liberal, Pro-Choice Feminists)

When I was on Twitter the other day, someone who I follow on Twitter commented on a Tweet by a lady calling herself Abby Johnson.

A reminder: I sometimes follow people on social media who I don’t fully agree with on all topics. I’m a conservative, but I follow some liberals and progressives, including women who call themselves “radical feminists.” A lot of those radical feminists are pro-choice; they support abortion, I do not.

Like me, most of those radical feminists do not support “sex work” (strip clubs, prostitution, etc), and they do not support transgender activism.

Here is how Abby Johnson is currently describing herself on her Twitter bio (@AbbyJohnson):

Planned Parenthood Director turned Pro-Life Advocate! CEO of @ATTWNministry
. Global Ambassador for @COL1972official
. Best selling author & speaker. Mama/Wife
— end Twitter bio —

I am sincerely glad to hear that Johnson flipped her opinion on abortion, that she went from being pro-choice to pro-life.

Johnson seems a bit familiar. I think I may have seen her interviewed on Christian television program “The 700 Club,” in one of their CBN news segments, or perhaps I saw her on Fox News at some point?

At any rate, I am dismayed by her Twitter feed. Unfortunately, she, like many of my other fellow conservatives, falsely equates motherhood and wifehood with womanhood. I corrected her on that under a few of her other tweets.

(I’m not sure if Johnson is a Christian or not, but from her tweets, I can see that she leans right – as I do – and she also is pro-life, does not support transgenderism. I too am pro-life, and I sure as heck do not support progressive transgenderism, ie, allowing biological men who say they are women into women’s prisons, women’s locker rooms and so forth).

Also like a lot of other conservatives, Johnson holds a lot of false stereotypes about secular, liberal feminists. Not all feminists support trans activism, are anti-men, anti-nuclear family, and so on. There are actually women feminists who are married mothers.

If you’ve followed my blog, you will already know that I am middle-aged, I am single by circumstance (not by choice – not that men or women who choose to be single should be criticized for that, either), I am a conservative, I am anti-progressive trans agenda, and I am pro-life.

I am not opposed to The Nuclear Family, parenthood, and marriage, but I am opposed to the deification of such by other conservatives.

(Yes, most conservatives have unfortunately turned “the family,” motherhood, fatherhood, and marriage into idols, and they frequently love to make negative assumptions about, and insult anyone, who isn’t married or who doesn’t have children).

Let’s look at some of Johnson’s tweets – here’s the first one that I saw the other day, because someone I followed on Twitter commented below it (link to her tweet):

So, what does Johnson do with conservative, pro-life, anti- leftist transgender activism, middle-aged never married women such as myself, who was a devout Christian for decades, who had expected to get married, never met the right guy, remained faithful to biblical sexual ethics – no sex outside of marriage, hence no pregnancies?

Why is Johnson lumping pro-life, conservative, single, childless women, such as myself, into the same group with progressive, pro-choice, pro-progressive- gender- ideology women? Which is what she’s doing, because she’s equating being a woman, and/or a decent, happy woman, with being married and a mother.

Johnson is unnecessarily insulting other pro-life, conservative women who never did marry, who may never marry, and who do not have children, and she’s doing this to score a few points against what she terms “radical feminists,” who she (like many of my other fellow conservatives) wrongly assume, are all man-hating, baby-hating, single women who are lonely, miserable Cat Ladies.

(The Cat Lady trope is very sexist and needs to die off already. I usually see men tossing this at women. It feels a little more gross to see a woman tossing this sexist stand-by at other women to insult them with.)

In trying to score points against radical feminists, many of whom are actually married with children (and possibly cats) of their own, Johnson creates collateral damage.

Meaning…
Not all conservative, anti-trans agenda, pro-life women are married, can get married, or want to get married. Not all conservative, anti-trans agenda, pro-life women have children, can have children, or want to have children.

Why is Abby Johnson throwing such conservative women under the bus? To get some cheap shots in at liberal, feminist, pro-choice women?

I’m a conservative, and while I do not agree with feminists (radical or otherwise) on every issue, I am not okay with Johnson (or other conservatives) shaming or insulting liberal or pro-choice women over their marital or parenting status, or that of mine or that of other conservative women.

I cannot imagine how Johnson hopes to change any pro-choice minds by carrying on like she is?

University Hosts ‘Abolish the Family’ Book Talk – Progressives are in Error to Be Opposed to the Nuclear Family Just as Much as Conservatives are in Error for “Over” Promoting It

University Hosts ‘Abolish the Family’ Book Talk – Progressives are in Error to Be Opposed to the Nuclear Family Just as Much as Conservatives are in Error for “Over” Promoting It

Both Progressives and Conservatives hold some incorrect attitudes or feelings about or towards The Nuclear Family.

I’m a conservative.

I can see how too many conservatives have put far too much emphasis upon The Nuclear Family (as well as upon parenthood, marriage, and natalism) to an unhealthy degree, to the point they marginalize or shame any adult who remains single (or childless) into their 30s and older, which is wrong.

The Bible does NOT hold The Nuclear Family (or marriage, natalism) up to the insane degree that so many Christians and secular conservatives do. Secular and religious conservatives have turned parenthood, marriagehood, children, and The Nuclear Family into idols.

On the other hand, the Bible is not opposed to parenthood, marriage, or The Nuclear Family.

Bible or not, I myself am not against parenthood, marriage, or The Nuclear Family and don’t see a good reason to be opposed to any of them.

So I don’t take kindly to any progressive person or group who runs around shaming anyone for being married with children, or for wanting to marry and/or have children, or for promoting arguments insisting that The Nuclear Family should be altogether abolished.

I also do not agree with or support Marxism, either. A lot of this anti-Nuclear Family garbage by leftists is usually under-girded by their promotion of Marxism, identity politics, state control, etc.

(Link): University Hosts ‘Abolish the Family’ Book Talk

(also via (Link): Campus Reform)

Dec 9, 2022
By Georgia Lucas

Sophie Lewis, an author and professor, spoke at UMass Boston on November 16 to discuss her book “Abolish the Family: A Manifesto for Care and Liberation.”

Lewis is a faculty member at the Brooklyn Institute for Social Research where she “teaches courses on feminist, trans and queer politics and philosophy.”

“Abolish the Family” suggests that the nuclear family is racist and sexist.

Her scholarship also argues that children should have more say in healthcare choices such as gender transitions.

Ideas from “Abolish the Family: A Manifesto for Care and Liberation” stem from utopian socialist and sex radical Charles Fourier, communist family abolitionist Alexandra Kollontai, feminist Shulamith Firestone, and “queer marxists bringing family abolition to the twenty-first century” according to Verso Books.

Lewis’ book suggests that “Nobody is more likely to harm you than your family.”

I’m Not Anti-Motherhood, but This is Disturbing: Putin Offers $16,000 Reward, Honorary Title to Russian Women Who Have Ten Children

I’m Not Anti-Motherhood, but This is Disturbing: Putin Offers $16,000 Reward, Honorary Title to Russian Women Who Have Ten Children 

This is so gross.

Though I’m a conservative, I can imagine a contingent of Conservatives (like Tucker Carlson and a few hyper, pro nuclear family types) extolling this and saying how the U.S. government should do the same thing. BARF.

(Link): Putin offers $16,000 reward, honorary title to Russian women who have 10 children

August 18, 2022
by Andrew Mark Miller

The Russian government announced this week it is bringing back a Soviet-era honorary title and financial reward bestowed upon Russian women who have 10 or more children.

In a decree this week that Russian President Vladimir Putin signed, it was announced that the title of “Mother Heroine” will again be awarded to Russian women who “birth and raise” 10 Russian citizens.

The title will come with a reward of 1 million Russian Rubles, equating to roughly $16,645 in U.S. dollars, once the tenth child turns one year of age. Recipients will also earn a five-pointed golden star medal, the decree states.

Women Threaten to Go On Sex Strike In Protest Over SCOTUS Overturning Roe V Wade

Women Threaten to Go On Sex Strike In Protest Over SCOTUS Overturning Roe V Wade

So, it takes the overturn of Roe Vs Wade to get secular feminists (and probably some progressive religious ones) to think seriously about celibacy now? Are they for real?

I’m in my 50s, still haven’t had sex because I was waiting until marriage to have sex, never got married, so I’m still a virgin. I have a normal libido. There is no such thing as a “gifting of celibacy,” as so many Christians assume; God, if he exists, did not remove my libido.

I discussed in a previous post a couple years ago why I made the choice I did to sexually abstain, but I will repeat one reason of several from that post: I did not want to get pregnant out of wedlock.

Birth control is not totally effective, it costs to maintain, I didn’t want to see a doctor periodically to get check ups to get birth control, etc.

I realized years ago – even as far back as my teen years – that a possible outcome of consensual sex was pregnancy which I didn’t want to happen. I didn’t want to use abortion as birth control (I don’t believe in abortion).

I managed to live my life practicing sexual self control, and I expect others to be capable of the same.

Any time you have sex with another person, that is a choice you’re making. As I’ve said before, sex with another person is a luxury not a necessity.

Having sex is not a biological necessity for you to stay alive – you will continue to live even if you’re abstaining. You can enjoy life without sex with another person.

If you are a woman thinking you can get or keep a boyfriend by giving him sex, think again. That won’t work, and you’ll only attract manipulative, selfish men who don’t make for good boyfriends anyway.

I just find it ludicrous that now that Roe V Wade was overturned, that all these women (many of whom are probably self-identifying feminists who spent years promoting “sex positivity”) are willing to practice celibacy, probably for the first time.

I’ve been celibate my whole life. I never bought into the hedonistic sex messaging of feminists, not even when I was a teen in the 1980s or a college student in the 1990s.

A lot of the “sex positive” feminists always came across to me as though they are really infuriated that men get to have (in some regards) consequence- free sex but not women; some of these feminists assume that all women want to be just as gross and promiscuous as most men are.

Why on earth would it take limitations on abortion to get a woman to think twice about when to have sex, with whom, and so forth?

Abortion will not be out-lawed in all fifty states going forward. Currently, some states still permit abortion, while others still allow it but with more stipulations.

Things should never have gotten to this point in the first place.
Pro Choice feminists reassured all of us pro-lifers back years ago that abortions would be “safe but rare” if it were legalized, but now I see all these air-headed Gen Z or younger Millennial women screaming and yelling on social media about how “proud” they are that they had an abortion.

Some of them are acting like abortion getting limitations strips them of all birth control – were these sexually active young women not already on the pill, or making their boyfriends use condoms? Abortion should never be used as a form of birth control.

Maybe the best things is to abstain and not have ANY sex with another person, unless and until you marry.

I’ve seen a lot of women in the past 30 years write in to advice columnists broken hearted because they wanted a meaningful, lasting, committed relationship but although they were having sex with men, they weren’t getting the marriage proposals they expected to get, as liberal feminists assured them that having free sex anywhere, at any time, with anyone was “empowering.”

But for a lot of women, all that casual sex, or whatever type of sex prior to marriage (outside of a loving, committed relationship), wasn’t fulfilling or empowering.

I just find it so hypocritical that after years and years of seeing so many people, whether secular feminists, or progressive Christians, mock the concept of sexual abstinence and celibacy (or staying a virgin until marriage)
– and yes, I’ve even seen conservative Baptist and evangelical Christians give up on defending purity until marriage –
to suddenly see all these women advocate for celibacy!

Where were all these bitches for the years I’ve been on this blog advocating for celibacy or virginity-until-marriage to at least be respected as a viable life choice for women (and men) instead of something to mock and ridicule?

A lot of you women out there now having conniption fits and screaming about having a Sex Strike should have given sexual abstinence an honest consideration YEARS AGO, prior to the overturn of Roe V Wade.

By the way, I am specifically talking about consensual sex.
Too many feminists have the dishonest tendency to conflate the topics of consensual sex with rape and then condemn any and all discussion of female (or male) sexual restraint as being cruel or victim-blaming.

Links About Pro Choice Women Going on Sex Strikes

(Link): Sex Strike! Abstinence trends on Twitter in wake of Roe v. Wade ruling

June 25, 2022
By Emily Crane and  Irie Sentner

Big Apple abortion protesters were in support of a sex strike Saturday — as “abstinence” started trending on Twitter in the wake of the Supreme Court’s decision to overturn Roe v. Wade.

“If you’re a man who won’t get a vasectomy, even though it’s reversible, and you’re not out in the streets fighting for my rights, you do not deserve to have sex with me,” Brianna Campbell, a 24-year-old EMT, told The Post.

Caroline Healey, a 22-year-old event coordinator, also questioned why sex was more important than women’s rights.

“I think it’s absolutely valid for us to be withholding the Holy Grail that men seem to think is important,” she told The Post at an abortion protest in Manhattan’s Union Square.

…“If this world thinks that they can oppress women forever, then we close our legs.”

Supreme Court Overturns Roe Vs. Wade, Returns Abortion to the States

Supreme Court Overturns Roe Vs. Wade, Returns Abortion to the States

June 24, 2022

I’ve always been pro-life on abortion, and I’ve never been sexually active (one reason of many: I didn’t want to get pregnant out of wedlock), so I’m not disturbed that Roe V Wade was over-turned.

I’m not sure if abortion pills will still be allowed now, or what the legalities are of that.

Aside from saving the lives of more babies, maybe women will now stop and think more about if, when, and with whom, they have sex.

Too many feminists and liberals went from “abortion should be safe and rare” to some of these scum-buckets BRAGGING on social media about having gotten abortions. Clearly, some women began using abortion as a form of birth control, not as a last resort.

If you’re going to end the human life growing in you because you don’t want it, or you believe it conflicts with your career, you should feel a lot of regret, shame, and humility about it, not go on twitter to scream you’re “proud” of your choice – give me a break.

By the way, only women can become pregnant – not men.

“Transwomen” cannot get pregnant, so this won’t impact those clowns either way.

(Link): Supreme Court overturns Roe v. Wade

June 24, 202

The Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade on Friday, holding that there is no longer a federal constitutional right to an abortion.

The opinion is the most consequential Supreme Court decision in decades and will transform the landscape of women’s reproductive health in America.

Going forward, abortion rights will be determined by states, unless Congress acts.  Already, nearly half of the states have or will pass laws that ban abortion while others have enacted strict measures regulating the procedure.

… The opinion represents the culmination of a decades-long effort on the part of critics of abortion seeking to return more power to the states.  It was made possible by a solid six-member conservative majority – including three of Donald Trump’s nominees.

Federalist Magazine Staff Annoyed that Other Outlets Publish the Down Side of Motherhood and Are Requesting Sunny Motherhood Propaganda Pieces – As If Conservatives Haven’t Pushed for Motherhood Enough? The Mind Boggles

Federalist Magazine Staff Annoyed that Other Outlets Publish the Down Side of Motherhood and Are Requesting Sunny Motherhood Propaganda Pieces – As If Conservatives Haven’t Pushed for Motherhood Enough? The Mind Boggles

I apologize if you’re actually a regular reader of this blog (do I have any regular readers?, I don’t know!) and if you get really tired of me repeating myself, but I never know who is reading whatever blog post I write (it may be their first visit), and I don’t want anyone to misunderstand where I’m coming from.

At first glance, most conservatives would probably confuse me for a nuclear family-hating, man-hating, feminist liberal, merely because I criticize other conservatives for their inaccurate, at times insensitive, or non-stop, abnormal and un-biblical obsession with promoting marriage, motherhood, and the nuclear family.

I’m a conservative, I am not a feminist, and I don’t hate marriage, parenthood, or the nuclear family.

But you damn skippy I am going to call out other conservatives when I see them over-hyping marriage, parenthood and families, and especially when they do so by insulting singles for being single or the childless for being childless (whether by choice or by circumstance).

I sure don’t support the vast  majority of opinions and causes of liberals, feminists, and progressives, but occasionally, I concede they may have a legitimate point or concern on some topic or another.

I actually meant to blog about this (and a million other articles from other sources) a few months ago but didn’t get around to it at the time:

(Link): BuzzFeed Should Stop Publishing Only Negative Takes On Motherhood

The author, it says, is a “Karin Agness Lips,” which totally sounds like a made up name 😂.  The piece was published on May 18, 2022.

Here are some excerpts (and of course, below these excerpts, I’ll state where I disagree):

(Link): BuzzFeed Should Stop Publishing Only Negative Takes On Motherhood

Stories about parental regret might get clicks, but BuzzFeed acting as a PR machine against motherhood might also influence people’s decision to become a parent.

by Karin Agness Lips

As BuzzFeed contemplates its future, the website should reconsider its approach to motherhood.

…In April, BuzzFeed ran an article headlined, “Mothers Are Revealing How They Realized They Regret Having Children And How They’re Coping Now, And They’re Such Nuanced And Valid Feelings.” The first mom the article quotes said, “I regret having children because of what’s going on in the world. I feel a SEVERE feeling of doom and anxiety when I think about her future. She will probably never be able to afford a house and struggle with debt, climate change, scarce resources, and inequality. I am truly terrified, and I feel so guilty. If I was childless today, I would 100% not have any children.”

This is such a pessimistic view of motherhood and society. Yet it is a view that is getting more attention.

… [The author goes on to cite famous persons who have expressed that they will only have one or two kids and no more.

She also cites statistics showing that more and more people are opting out of parenthood – while later in the article stating that more and more people supposedly want to have children – I don’t know how one squares that circle. Maybe she means to suggest a lot of people want to have kids but feel like they cannot afford them(??).]

… Yet very little of what we see elevated in popular culture focuses on the joy and satisfaction that nurturing children brings mothers also.

… It seems like popular culture spends more time promoting the “wine mom” narrative that women need alcohol to get through mothering and less time honoring women for the work they put into mothering. Just because caregiving can be tough doesn’t mean it is not worth our time, shouldn’t be done, or is bad.

[The author links to several articles at BuzzFeed by parents who say they regret having had children.]

…We get it, BuzzFeed wants its readers to know that not everyone is happy with her decision to have children. But BuzzFeed is doing more than this. It is promoting a narrative that conflicts with what Americans want.

A huge majority of Americans have or want children. Only 5 percent of American adults do not want children.

[The author surmises that perhaps women who are mothers who enjoy motherhood are simply not writing about the joys of motherhood, so that perceptions on the subject may be skewed, since online, we seem to be hearing more from people who admit to disliking being a parent or dislike aspects of parenthood.

The author ends her piece by expressing upset that there are so many “motherhood regret” essays being published and encouraging women who enjoy motherhood to start cranking out essays about how great motherhood is.]
— end excerpts —

Where the author states:

Stories about parental regret might get clicks, but BuzzFeed acting as a PR machine against motherhood might also influence people’s decision to become a parent.
— end —

This is clearly a double standard by this author, for most conservatives are, and have been for decades, acting as a “PR machine” in FAVOR OF motherhood to influence women to get married young and to have children.

That non-stop portrayal of motherhood or marriage as being a woman’s only or highest godly role or design in life, with an underlying, sometimes unspoken promise by conservatives, that motherhood and marriage will totally fulfill a woman and bring her purpose and identity, is precisely the reason that the ladies on the left have been pushing back against this for years, because those points are false.

Grandma, 61, and Younger Husband, 24, are Ready to Have a Baby

Grandma, 61, and Younger Husband, 24, are Ready to Have a Baby

This news story seems very familiar. I could’ve sworn I blogged about this couple a few months ago, but I can’t locate the post at the moment (I think this was the post).

I don’t approve of “May December” relationships, in which one spouse or significant other is much older than the other, regardless if it’s an older male with a younger woman or an older female with a younger man.

It’s so gross, and I suspect the older people in such relationships have nefarious motives (ie, it’s usually easier to control a much younger partner), or they are riddled with insecurity, or, they are terribly shallow.

🤮🤮🤮

(Link): Grandma, 61, and younger husband, 24, are ready to have a baby

June 15, 2022

A granny has revealed she is married to a 24-year-old bloke and they are ready to have a baby.

Cheryl, 61, and Quran McCain from Georgia have hit headlines thanks to their 37-year age gap.

The couple have racked up over 2.2million followers on their @kingqurannewpage TikTok page, but insist their love is genuine.

Last July, Quran proposed to Cheryl using a ring that was Crowdfunded by his online fans, and they tied the knot in September.

They had a riverside ceremony in Tennessee, and the event was livestreamed to over 20,000 people.

Now they say they are ready to take the next step and have a baby together – either by adoption or by using a surrogate – and have been pram shopping.

Sperm Donor With Incurable Condition Who Fathered 15 Children Unmasked by Judge to Stop More Women Responding to His Online Ads

Sperm Donor With Incurable Condition Who Fathered 15 Children Unmasked by Judge to Stop More Women Responding to His Online Ads

(Link): Sperm donor fathered 15 children despite DNA condition

Excerpts:

May 31, 2022

A man fathered 15 children after advertising his sperm on social media despite having an inheritable condition, a court has heard.

James MacDougall has a genetic condition which means his children could have learning difficulties.

At the court hearing last week, he was told he would not be able to contact three of his children.

(Link): Sperm donor fathered 15 kids without telling moms he has genetic IQ disease

May 31, 2022
By Brooke Steinberg

A Facebook sperm donor fathered 15 children but never told the mothers he has an inheritable condition that causes learning disabilities.

James MacDougall, 37, fathered children with lesbian women through private donations advertised on social media despite knowing he had incurable Fragile X syndrome, a genetic disorder that leads to low IQ and developmental delay.

MacDougall’s identity came out in a family court battle in Derby, United Kingdom, after he applied for parental responsibility and child arrangement orders for four of his children — even though he originally signed an agreement saying he didn’t want contact with some of his children.

Having 3 or More Children Negatively Impacts Late-Life Cognition: Study – by L. Blair

Having 3 or More Children Negatively Impacts Late-Life Cognition: Study – by L. Blair

(Link): Family size may influence cognitive functioning in later life

May 12, 2022

A new study at Columbia University Mailman School of Public Health, and the Robert Butler Columbia Aging Center and Université Paris-Dauphine — PSL, found that having three or more versus two children has a negative effect on late-life cognition.

The results further indicated that this effect was strongest in Northern Europe, where higher fertility decreases financial resources but does not improve social resources in this region. This is the first to study the causal effect of high fertility on late-life cognition.

(Link): Having 3 or more children negatively impacts late-life cognition: study

Excerpts:

May 2022

While recent research has warned of the potential drawbacks of America’s declining fertility rate, a new study has found that having three or more children negatively affects late-life cognition.

“To the best of our knowledge, our study is the first to demonstrate a causal effect of higher fertility on late-life cognition,” researchers Eric Bonsang and Vegard Skirbekk explain in their paper “Does Childbearing Affect Cognitive Health in Later Life? Evidence From an Instrumental Variable Approach” published in Demography, the flagship journal of the Population Association of America.

Indian Couple Sue Son and His Wife, Demanding Grandchildren

Indian Couple Sue Son and His Wife, Demanding Grandchildren

What a couple of narcissists – the parents, not the adult children who don’t seem to want to have children ever, or not now.

We don’t always get what we want in life.

(Link): Indian Couple Sue Son and His Wife, Demanding Grandchildren

“We want a grandson or a granddaughter within a year or compensation, because I have spent my life’s earnings on my son’s education,” Sanjeev Ranjan Prasad said.

May 14, 2022

NEW DELHI — A retired Indian couple is suing their son and daughter-in-law, demanding that they produce a grandchild within a year or pay them 50 million rupees ($675,000).

Sanjeev Ranjan Prasad, a 61-year-old retired government officer, said it was an emotional and sensitive issue for him and his wife, Sadhana Prasad, and they cannot wait any longer. His son, a pilot, was married six years ago.

“We want a grandson or a granddaughter within a year or compensation, because I have spent my life’s earnings on my son’s education,” Prasad told reporters on Thursday.

I Appear Successful, But Since Having Kids I Feel I’ve Lost Myself by Annalisa Barbieri (Letter from a Married Mother Who Has Depression, Low Self Esteem)

I Appear Successful, But Since Having Kids I Feel I’ve Lost Myself by Annalisa Barbieri (Letter from a Married Mother Who Has Depression, Low Self Esteem)

Before I get to the link and the letter, I wanted to say…

The article below – via The Guardian – doesn’t make it clear, but the following appears to be an e-mail or a letter from a married mother who has low self esteem, and she’s writing to this paper for advice, guidance, and help.

I’m sorry this lady is not doing well, but I want you to take away from this that being married and being a mother (having children) will not necessarily make you happy, or bring you joy, inner peace, or a healthy sense of identity.

I’m afraid that a lot of conservatives – especially Christians – keep promoting these false notions to women, from the time we are girls, that if we just marry (and/or have children), that being married and a parent will bring us permanent happiness and purpose in life, but clearly, that is not the case.

I am not “anti family” nor “anti motherhood,” but I figured out a long time ago that being a parent or married may not bring you fulfillment in life, and it is that expectation that a lot of “pro family,” “pro motherhood” type of conservatives continue to hold up – it is misleading, false hope and propaganda.

I’ve got other examples on my blog of women who married (or who are mothers), and yet, being married (or being a mother) didn’t bring them happiness, but they were still left feeling overlooked, depressed, or lonely – in some cases, because the man they married doesn’t meet their emotional needs regularly, but spends all his day wrapped up in his hobbies or watching television.

I have blog posts of women who admit that they regret motherhood!

I think if you’re someone who had hoped or expected to marry (or have children) it can be painful  or very disappointing if that did not happen for you, but if you can accept it,
and permit yourself to go through a grieving process and determine to move on in life and determine to enjoy life anyway (in spite of life not turning out how you had hoped), that you can ultimately find joy, happiness, fun, and peace without a spouse and without children.

You can find other avenues of joy, meaning, and happiness in life that don’t involve being married or having children. I made that transition myself years ago, though it took me several years of grappling with unhappiness to get there, but it can be done.

But again, notice, that although the woman letter writer here married and had children, that she is STILL depressed, feels like a failure, feels like a “loser,” and thinks she is not enough.

Being a wife and a mother – contrary to what a lot of excessively pro-family, pro-natalism Christian conservatives bang on about – did not fill that empty void she has, nor increase her self image to a healthy level.

(Link): I appear successful, but since having kids I feel I’ve lost myself

Excerpts:

Squashing your anger down is exhausting. Try using your free time to do what makes you feel good, and see what shifts

May 20, 2022
by Annalisa Barbieri

[This appears to be a question from a writer to an advice columnist named Annalisa Barbieri? – the article doesn’t make it clear]:

[Dear Advice Columnist,]

I have struggled with depression and anxiety since my teens and have had therapy and medication on and off since I was 17 (I am now 37). I’m aware of deep-rooted low self-esteem and shame.

I feel worthless. I never want to draw attention to myself and have a paralysing fear of confrontation.

I have managed to maintain a few close friendships, have worked in the past, and am married with two kids. So I appear “successful” on the surface.