Single, 54, and a New Dad: Why Some Start Families Late by A. Ellin

Single, 54, and a New Dad: Why Some Start Families Late

(Link):  Single, 54, and a New Dad: Why Some Start Families Late by A. Ellin

Excerpts:

August 5, 2016

SPARKY CAMPANELLA never heard the thrumming of a biological clock. But his “sociological clock” — his sense that he was missing out on something important in life — boomed mightily. At the age of 54, he decided to do something about it. He became a father.

He was single, but so what? “I decided I could either do it myself, or wait for the right partner to come along,” said Mr. Campanella, a Los Angeles fine arts photographer whose son, Rhys, is a little over 1 year old. Over the years he had dated women who had children of their own, but he realized that he didn’t want to be a stepdad.

….It’s a question many childless people over 50 are asking themselves. Of course, dealing with night feedings and rambunctious 2-year-olds are not for the faint of heart. But with their finances in order and their careers in place, with their life spans extended, some older people are concluding: Why not start — or continue — raising children in later life?

Married Couple Pays Surrogate to Have Baby, They Keep The Healthy Daughter But Refuse the Down Syndrome One – Also: Cops: the Dad is a Convicted Pedo

Married Couple Pays Surrogate to Have Baby, They Keep The Healthy Daughter But Refuse the Down Syndrome One – Also: Cops: the Dad is a Convicted Pedo

And many conservative Christians routinely say or assume that marriage makes a person godly, mature, more loving, and immune from sexual sin, and that you have to be perfect and godly to even merit a spouse to start with (God doesn’t send imperfect people spouses, they say).

Hmm. Then how would Christians explain this selfish married couple who
1. won’t accept the Down’s Syndrome twin from the surrogate
and
2. the father is a convicted kid-diddler (pedophile)?

How is it that God rewards child molesters with spouses, but not law abiding, non-perverted singles?

(Link): Australian father accused of abandoning baby boy born to Thai surrogate mother because he had Down Syndrome ‘was jailed for sexual assault on a child under 13’

(Link): Australia investigates ‘paedophile’ father in Thai baby scandal

Aug 6, 2014

Australian authorities were Wednesday investigating the father at the centre of a Thai surrogate baby scandal who was exposed as a convicted paedophile, to determine whether his young daughter is at risk.

The man, from Bunbury south of Perth, sparked global controversy for apparently abandoning his Down’s syndrome baby boy, Gammy, in Thailand and taking only his healthy twin sister back home, although he and his wife dispute the circumstances.

Looking For Free Sperm, Women May Turn To Online Forums

Looking For Free Sperm, Women May Turn To Online Forums

Thank Dog I never cared one way or another if I ever had a baby or not. I just never hankered for one.

I could not imagine being so desperate to have a kid that you’d go to a site to hook up with a stranger to pork each other and have a kid. No thanks, I’d rather die alone, single, childless, celibate.

(Link): Looking For Free Sperm, Women May Turn To Online Forums

Commercial sperm banks have operated in the U.S. since the early 1970s. Today, women who can afford to use them tend do so without stigma. But banks are no longer the only source for women hoping to get pregnant.

There are informal, unregulated websites popping up where men who are willing to donate their sperm for free can meet women who are hoping to have a baby.

The most established sperm donation website in the U.S., the Known Donor Registry, launched in 2010. Since then, it has grown to more than 16,000 members.

Membership to this site and others does not necessarily reflect how many people actually conceive this way — in fact, there really aren’t solid statistics on this kind of exchange. But there are anecdotes, and people have come forward saying they’ve tried it.

Are Older Men’s Sperm Really Any Worse? (study) Also: article author assumes men single and/or childless until their late 30s and older are probably autistic, retarded, or drooling simpletons

Are Older Men’s Sperm Really Any Worse? (study) Also: article author assumes men single and/or childless until their late 30s and older are probably autistic, retarded, or drooling simpletons

TL;DR summary of article farther below = Yes, older dude’s sperm (older in this article is divided up in this article as being roughly, dudes ages 30 – 40, 40 – 50, and 50 and older) is not as good. You’re more likely to pop out kid with mental or psychological issues than a dude who fathers a kid while in his 20s.

The author of this seems to assume that the kind of dude who “finally” gets married and cranks out kids “later in life” is probably single for so long because he’s autistic, a drooling basket case, or goodness knows what.

Excerpt from article that implies that older single / first time married men are mentally retarded or socially inept losers:

The type of men who have children later in life may be different from those who do not, and those differences may be at least partially responsible for the increased autism rates.

How condescending and rude.

If older single / childless men are not suspected of being Totally Ghey, they are assumed of being pedophiles, or now, mentally handicapped.

Okay, so if you are a single man past age 30, 35, 40, 45, you are obviously (sarc tags here) autistic, mentally retarded, or inept.

How do you older single and childless guys so much as tie your own shoes in the morning, or brush your teeth, let alone actually and finally get a woman to procreate with “later in life”?

How do you put a T-shirt on? Can you do it alone, or do you need help with that?

If you do put a T-shirt on alone, do you have to have instructions for that, like a big arrow printed on the shirt, pointing at the hole in the middle that says, ‘head goes here?’

How do you make it through life, since you are so obviously incapable and incompetent of so much as attracting a wife, unlike normal men, who marry in their 20s, you big freako loser???

(Link): Are Older Men’s Sperm Really Any Worse?

Apr 24, 2014
by EMILY OSTER

… So, are older sperm really worse?

Worries about aging sperm — or, more accurately, sperm from aging men — are the same as the concerns about aging eggs: decrease in fertility, and increase in genetic problems and psychiatric and behavior disorders among offspring. The primary issues in the latter category are autism and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).

…The evidence on autism and other behavioral disorders appears less reassuring. The authors of a 2011 review article in Molecular Psychiatry combined a number of studies comparing children of older and younger fathers (this is called a “meta-analysis”).

Three Parents? FDA Mulls Safety of Embryo Technique

Three Parents? FDA Mulls Safety of Embryo Technique

(Link): Experts: Confirming safety of 3-person embryo technique could take decades

WASHINGTON — Genetic experts cautioned the federal government Tuesday that it could take decades to confirm the safety of an experimental fertilization technique that would create babies from the DNA of three people, with the aim of preventing children from inheriting some debilitating diseases.

The Food and Drug Administration heard from supporters and opponents of the provocative technique at a two-day meeting, as the agency considers whether to greenlight testing in women who have defective genes linked to blindness, organ failure and many other inheritable diseases.

Preliminary testing in animals suggests that combining the DNA of two parents with that of a third female donor could allow prospective mothers to give birth to healthy children. But even experts in the field warned that researchers would have to follow the offspring for many years to see if they are truly healthy.

(Link): Genetically Modified Babies (op ed)

(Link): FDA Considers 3-Person Embryo Fertilization

Procedure could prevent children from inheriting genetic diseases from mothers

(Link): FDA Weighs Unknowns of 3-Person Embryo Technique

Links About Sex Week / Male Modesty & Male Shaming / Online Dating Scammers / Female Sexuality / Rampant Pre Marital Sex Among Christians / Single Christian Women Feel Pressured to Fornicate In Dating / other topics (Link Dump)

Reports About Sex Week / Male Modesty / Online Dating Scammers / Rampant Pre Marital Sex Among Christians / Single Christian Women Feel Pressured to Fornicate In Dating / other topics (Link Dump)

I do not have the patience to make separate posts out of each link / story / topic below, so here is another link dump, with links to lots of different sex, infertility, marriage, online dating, purity, and whatever, editorials and stories.

I’m not necessarily in agreement with any or all of the views expressed in any of these pages. I post them only because they touch on topics I regularly discuss on this blog.

Some of these links from The Christian Post I present below are from the last two to three weeks, but they cover topics I already discussed here on this blog weeks before (CP authors are sometimes weeks or a couple of months behind material I post to this blog first).

Sometimes, The Christian Post quotes people I don’t agree with about everything, such as Mark Regnerus – see this link and this link for more about that.

Regnerus pushes for early marriage and seems to engage in a bit of singles-shaming (blaming singles who want marriage for being single, for not being able to find a partner), which is wrong. You can see the links above for more about that.

About me covering stories before The Christian Post does.

Take this first link of their below as an example – not only did I cover this story first (on Jan 28, 2014 here, this link, but also on Feb 8, 2014, see this link), but also some of the web sites the author references in his series (which makes me wonder if he’s been to my blog and is copying my material):

(Link): Christian Dating Culture (Part 1): Majority of Christian Singles Reject Idea of Waiting Until Marriage to Have Sex

Excerpts:

• BY MORGAN LEE, CHRISTIAN POST REPORTER

February 12, 2014

Survey Reveals That 61% of Christian Singles Are Willing to Have Casual Sex

A majority of single Christians are rejecting biblical doctrine by choosing to have sex before they are married. Sixty-one percent of self-identified Christian singles who answered a recent ChristianMingle survey said they are willing to have casual sex without being in love, while only 11 percent said they are waiting to have sex until they are married.

…But despite this realization, after Lindsey moved to New York, she did not abide by this new sexual ethic. Instead, she entered and exited relationships frequently, often sleeping with the men she was dating.

“Even though I knew it was wrong, I continued to have sex outside of marriage,” Lindsey told The Christian Post. “Why? Because when you’re single you don’t want to be lonely.”

“I was the girl that broke up with one boyfriend and had another one on speed-dial—that afternoon I’d already be going out with somebody else. I kept a boyfriend because I liked the attention,” she continued.

For Lindsey, her behavior was not simply a result of her conforming to the sexual values of her non-Christian peers. Instead, she had friends from church with similar sexual ethics and even dated and became sexually involved with a man who was serving at the same church that she was.

“We all went to the church. We were hypocrites. We said we loved the Lord but we ignored the scriptures that said that fornication is a sin,” said Lindsey.

Lindsey eventually cut off all people that had been a part of that lifestyle. Several years ago she got married and moved to Atlanta, where, now 31, she is the founder and CEO of Pinky Promise, an organization that encourages single and married women to “rise above cultural pressures and to “stay determined to live for Christ regardless of their circumstances.”

So she’s a fornicator being used as an example of sexual purity now? LOL.

Why do Christians do this? You have actual, honest- to- God virgins who are over 30 and 40 years of age, but Christians rarely if ever seek them out for inspiration or interviews. Instead, they seek out people who engaged in fornication constantly, and ask them to serve as role models about sexual purity.

This odd situation is a topic I have addressed in older posts, including this link (“born again virgins”), this link, this link, or this link, How About Using Celibates as Role Models For Celibacy? (Oddity: Christians Holding Up Non-Virgins [Fornicators] As Being Experts or Positive Examples on Sexual Purity).

(Link): Christian Dating Culture (Part 2): Does Church Attendance Impact How Often You Have Sex?

Excerpts:

• BY MORGAN LEE, CHRISTIAN POST REPORTER

February 13, 2014

Christians who attend church and read the Bible at least three times a week are less likely to have sex outside of marriage than those who do not engage in those religious practices.

In a 2012 study of Millenial Christians by the National Association of Evangelicals and Grey Matter Research, only respondents who attended worship services at least once a month were considered. Of the 1,007 polled by NEA and GMR, only 44 percent of unmarried Evangelicals ages 18-29 had had sex.

In contrast, in a ChristianMingle study released in January, only 50 percent of female Christians and 39 percent of Christian males said that they went to church at least once a month. Of the 716 Christians surveyed, 90 percent of them said they would be comfortable with premarital sex and 61 percent without any strings attached.

… Mark Regenerus, an associate professor of sociology at the University of Texas at Austin, concurred with the findings of this research.

“When you see greater religiosity, you’re more apt to have measured at the same time a more pronounced awareness of the sexual norms of Orthodox Christian communities and a person’s willingness to abide by them,” he told The Christian Post in an email.

Regenerus also pointed to the lack of institutions also promoting the church’s ethic of abstinence as one reason for the high numbers.

“It’s certainly true that unmarried Christian adults are more ‘at risk’ on sexual matters (attitudes, behaviors), because there are now few (and maybe no other) institutions that reinforce Christian sexual ideals today. And there are more unmarried Christian adults too. So it’s a recipe for some cultural clash over sex, for sure,” he wrote.

Daniel Weiss, the founder and president of The Brushfires Foundation, whose organization exists to help “people discover and live out God”s design for sexuality and relationships,” said that the Church must wake up to the fact that it is not the primary influencer of many Christian young people’s sexual ethics.

(Link): Christian Dating Culture (Part 3): Women Struggle in Dating Scene That Expects Openness to Premarital Sex

Excerpts:

• BY MORGAN LEE, CHRISTIAN POST REPORTER

February 14, 2014

Evidence suggests that Christians are increasingly tolerant of casual sex, but what does the dating scene look like for those who are choosing not to engage in premarital sex?

A ChristianMingle poll released last month suggests that Christians are increasingly open to having sex outside of marriage. Sixty-one percent of the 716 Christians surveyed said they would be willing to have sex without any strings attached. Only 11 percent indicated they would be willing to wait until marriage.

To get a sense of what the dating landscape looks like for Christian women who are unwilling to treat sex casually, The Christian Post talked with three women who shared how they feel their moral convictions are treated by men and the culture at large.

Sexual ethics of Christian men

Several years ago Lisa Anderson signed up for online dating.

Anderson, 42, who heads Boundless, Focus on the Family’s ministry to singles and young adults, and is single herself (“I am the true 40-year-old virgin” she laughs,) decided to be upfront with potential boyfriends about where her sexual ethics lay.

“As I got to know these guys, I think they sensed pretty early on that I was not going to go there, so I think that that probably ended it. It was never a situation where we’re together and that’s going to go too far so I stopped it,” Anderson told CP.

Yet she was surprised that many of the Christian men on online dating sites openly admitted that they expected sex in a relationship.

Renting a Womb – Women Reduced to Baby Breeders says Professor (editorial from CP)

Renting a Womb – Women Reduced to Baby Breeders (editorial from CP)

I find this bashing of “womb renting” (parental surrogacy) hypocritical on two levels. I have observations below this link and excerpt, where I explain why I find this hypocritical.

I myself don’t know if I support surrogacy or not; that isn’t my point. My point is that I find some of this Christian man’s objections to it hypocritical.

(Link): Renting a Womb (Part 2): Women Reduced to Baby Breeders

BY ALEX MURASHKO, CHRISTIAN POST REPORTER
February 11, 2014|12:39 pm

Editor’s Note: This is the second part in a series on surrogacy, titled “Renting a Womb.”

Although not specifically mentioned in the Bible, the act of surrogacy in order to produce a baby should be considered unethical, says Scott B. Rae, professor of Philosophy of Religion and Ethics at Biola University.

Surrogacy, Rae argued, diminishes a woman’s role in procreation. The woman, he said, is reduced to a “baby breeder.”

Rae, who serves as dean of the faculty at the university’s Talbot School of Theology and chair for the Philosophy of Religion and Ethics board, told The Christian Post that the Bible “looks pretty skeptically at any kind of third party contributor who comes outside the matrix of marriage.”

CP: What is the current social thought on surrogacy?

Rae: I think the feminists who object to surrogacy because it reinforces a stereotype, that has some merit. The other thing that troubles me is that it separates procreation and responsibility. Scripture is pretty solid on the connection between marriage, procreation, and parenting. This is what troubles me about sperm donation – that you are involved in procreation but overtly disavowing a responsibility for that. Surrogates do the same.

“It seems to me that procreation is intended to be done by stable, permanent, monogamous, heterosexual married couples,” he said. “The norm is laid out in Genesis 1 and 2 where you have the creation of Adam and Eve, the institution of marriage, and then the mandate to be fruitful and multiply. It sets procreation within that context.”

One reason I find it hypocritical:

(Link): Hypocrisy in Christian Culture – Those who idolize parenting chide infertiles for trying to have kids

Here you have a community – conservative Christians – who set marriage and having children up as idols that all should obtain, and if you don’t obtain one or either, you’re treated as a failure or weirdo.

So if you take actual steps towards either one (marriage or having a baby), such as using IVF, infertility treatments, or hiring a surrogate, you get told you are in sin or in error for it.

Secondly, conservative Christianity already treats ALL women like “baby breeders,” even the ones who do not pay for a surrogate. Case in point:

(Link): Conservatives and Christians Fretting About U.S. Population Decline – We Must “Out-breed” Opponents Christian Host Says

(Link): Are Fundamentalists Aiming to Out-Breed Secular America?

(Link): Christian Patriarchy Group: God Demands You Marry and Have Babies to Defeat Paganism and Satan. Singles and the Childless Worthless (in this worldview).

(Link): The Irrelevancy To Single or Childless or Childfree Christian Women of Biblical Gender Complementarian Roles / Biblical Womanhood Teachings

(Link): Are Marriage and Family A Woman’s Highest Calling? by Marcia Wolf – and other links that address the Christian fallacy that a woman’s most godly or only proper role is as wife and mother

Gender complementarian Christians, who are present in what seems large numbers in many Protestant and Baptist churches and other conservative churches and denominations, regularly teach that a woman’s greatest or only role or calling in life is to marry and make babies.

See these links:

(Link): Singles Shaming at The Vintage church in Raleigh – Singlehood Shaming / Celibate Shaming

(Link): Lies The Church Tells Single Women (by Sue Bohlin)

(Link): ‘God’s Purpose for Women,’ by Matthew Hagee – Hagee Teaches that Single Unmarried Women Do Not Have a Purpose in Life God has no purpose for singles

Conservative Christians already worship motherhood (see Link), and continually tell women their greatest or only God given or God approved role in life is to be a wife and mother.

Christians say this to each and every woman listening to a church sermon, not just women who are surrogates. So this professor has a lot of nerve referring to only surrogates as “baby breeders” when all women in Christianity are viewed as nothing but “baby breeders” (and ‘help meets’ to their spouses, if they are married).

Women who are infertile, childless, or childfree are not made to feel welcomed or accepted in most evangelical, fundamentalist, Baptist, or Reformed denominations. They are made to feel like outsiders, losers, weirdos, or freaks.

Lastly, and as someone in the comments pointed out, Mary acted as a surrogate mother, to carry the baby Jesus, conceived by the Holy Spirit. Mary was not even married yet at the time. In light of the fact Mary acted as a surrogate, I’m not sure how a Christian university professor can object to other women doing so and not be holding a double standard.
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Related posts:

(Link): Why all the articles about being Child Free? On Being Childfree or Childless – as a Conservative / Right Wing / Christian

(Link): Is The Church Failing Childless Women? by Diane Paddison

(Link): Don’t Judge Me, I’m Childless (from Today’s Christian Woman)

(Link): Misuse of Terms Such As “Traditional Families” by Christians – Re: Kirk Cameron, Homosexual Marriage, and the 2014 Grammys

(Link): The Fruitful Callings of the Childless By Choice (editorial)

(Link): 23 Responses to 23 Awful Statements Made to Childfree People by TAURIQ MOOSA

(Link): How Not To Be A Dick To Your Childfree Friends (editorial)

(Link): My Secret Grief. Over 35, Single and Childless by Melanie Notkin

(Link): Widows and Childless and Childfree Have Better Well Being Than Married Couples and Parents says new study

(Link): In terms of childlessness, US ranks near the top worldwide

(Link): Are Marriage and Family A Woman’s Highest Calling? by Marcia Wolf – and other links that address the Christian fallacy that a woman’s most godly or only proper role is as wife and mother

(Link): Bearden: Staying childless right decision for many women

(Link): How American Christians Were Influenced by 1950s American Secular Propaganda to Idolize Marriage and Children and Against Singles and the Childless