Dear Prudence, My Friend Won’t Stop Demanding I Get Pregnant

Dear Prudence, My Friend Won’t Stop Demanding I Get Pregnant

How frigging obnoxious. I would not have a problem telling this “Jane” person, if I knew her, to STFU and get out of my business.

I’m sure not opposed to people having children and so on, but even as a conservative, I find that most conservatives – especially the religious types – do this same thing that “Jane” is doing to her female friends on a bigger scale: they are forever publishing thought pieces, usually alarmist or shaming in nature, screaming at all women to run out and get pregnant, and they too can STFU about this.

(Link): Dear Prudence, My My Friend Won’t Stop Demanding I Get Pregnant 

By DANIEL MALLORY ORTBERG

Dear Prudence,

My friend “Betty” is single, and I’m about to get married, but we’ve both noticed a recent trend with our friend “Jane” that we can’t abide. Every time we see her, Jane expresses how excited she is for us to have children.

We hear some version of “You have to have kids!” or “I can’t wait till you have babies!”

Usually she is drunk when this happens, but she’s mentioned it sober too. It makes us both extremely uncomfortable.

Continue reading “Dear Prudence, My Friend Won’t Stop Demanding I Get Pregnant”

Not All Women Want To Be Mothers: The Stigma That Surrounds Choosing Not To Have Children by Dr. Peggy Drexler

(Link): Not All Women Want To Be Mothers: The Stigma That Surrounds Choosing Not To Have Children

Excerpts:

by Dr. Peggy Drexler

Birth rates around the world are going down as maternal ambivalence climbs. So why do women who have happily chosen childlessness still feel judged? Dr Peggy Drexler, a New York-based research psychologist who has written books on gender and family, explores the ongoing stigma.


….The reasons women are giving are varied. Having babies is expensive for one thing: a (Link): 2017 USDA report found that American parents spend, on average, more than $230,000 on child costs from birth to age 17, not including college.

…The increase in working women — and female breadwinners — around the world has also left many reluctant to leave jobs that aren’t always guaranteed to be there when they return.

Continue reading “Not All Women Want To Be Mothers: The Stigma That Surrounds Choosing Not To Have Children by Dr. Peggy Drexler”

Another Christianity Today Magazine Editorial Expects Single Women To Meet the Needs of Married Women – Christians Never Ask the Reverse

Another Christianity Today Magazine Editorial (2019) Expects Single Women To Meet the Needs of Married Women – Christians Never Ask the Reverse

I am a never-married woman who is over the age of 45, and I am childless. I had wanted to be married but never found the right guy, so I remain single.

I was a very devout Christian for many years, until a few years ago.

I did a blog post about (Link): another editorial on Christianity Today’s site, where a married woman with small children wrote a long piece extolling the virtues of single, childless women:
but only in the context of how she found single, childless women useful to her because they could provide her with free babysitting services that she could not obtain from her biological family, who lived 1,000 miles away.

Here again, in April 2019, is another editorial in the same vein: a piece that extols the wonders and virtues of how single, childless women can or should meet the needs of married women, especially married ones who have children and need free babysitting services and emotional support.

Now, if you’re the sort of single, childless woman who sincerely enjoys babysitting married women’s children, that is fine by me. But I am not one of them.

I’m not opposed to single, childless women caring for, or taking an interest in, other people’s children, if they so desire.

I am opposed to this when this is one of the only options presented to Christian women, however.

Continue reading “Another Christianity Today Magazine Editorial Expects Single Women To Meet the Needs of Married Women – Christians Never Ask the Reverse”

The Silent Shame of Male Infertility by M. Oaklander

The Silent Shame of Male Infertility by M. Oaklander

(Link): The Silent Shame of Male Infertility

Excerpts

By MANDY OAKLANDER
January 3, 2019

…He started taking fertility drugs to help his testicles recover. But three months later, he still had no sperm. He’d been injecting himself with testosterone because his body could no longer produce it naturally, but his doctor recommended he stop in order to make the fertility drugs more effective.

Now his sperm count is slowly climbing, but his sex drive has withered, along with his energy and 30 pounds of muscle. He has fat in places he never had before, including his breast tissue. He’s become depressed.

 On his social-media accounts, Goldman has scaled back on shirtless photos and posts more long-sleeved shots instead. But beyond confiding in his wife, he hasn’t publicly shared what’s really going on. “I have 10-plus thousand people that follow me on Instagram,” he says, “who don’t know who the f-ck I am.”

Infertility is almost always thought of as a woman’s issue, and it’s true that women bear the greater burden of it. They are the ones who ultimately either get pregnant or don’t, and regardless of which partner has the fertility problem, the woman’s body is usually the site of treatment.

Continue reading “The Silent Shame of Male Infertility by M. Oaklander”

Why I Have Zero Regrets About My Childless Life by C. Zacharek

Why I Have Zero Regrets About My Childless Life by C. Zacharek

(Link): Why I Have Zero Regrets About My Childless Life

Excerpts:

I’d always wanted babies. Probably. Eventually. Possibly. When I graduated from college, in the early 1980s, friends started having them while I remained happily unencumbered.

Even after I married, family planning was more like having no plan, other than putting it off until later. When I reached the age when I was supposed to be desperate to be a mother–early to mid-30s–I didn’t feel desperate; I only felt unsure.

My sole mistake at the time, I see now, was not trusting that I’d be O.K.–maybe even better than O.K.–with or without a baby.

Today, more and more women are choosing not to have children, and while the stigma hasn’t completely lifted, it’s not what it once was.

Continue reading “Why I Have Zero Regrets About My Childless Life by C. Zacharek”

If You’re Choosing Not to Have Kids, You’ll Want to Read This by K. Langslet

If You’re Choosing Not to Have Kids, You’ll Want to Read This by K. Langslet

(Link): If You’re Choosing Not to Have Kids, You’ll Want to Read This by K. Langslet

Excerpts:

I don’t know what it is about my decision to not have kids that absolutely infuriates so many people who have nothing to do with my womb or life choices, but the topic seems to come up on a weekly basis—sometimes even two or three times a week.

The thing is, I love children, and I totally respect the decision of my friends and family members who have had or plan on having kids. I just don’t want any of my own.

Continue reading “If You’re Choosing Not to Have Kids, You’ll Want to Read This by K. Langslet”

Married To Person With Kid From Previous Marriage: Guy Says His Wife is Putting Her Son Before Their Marriage – on Not Wanting to Date Single Parents

Married To Person With Kid From Previous Marriage: Guy Says His Wife is Putting Her Son Before Their Marriage – On Not Wanting to Date Single Parents

This following letter to an advice columnist (which is linked to and excerpted much farther down this blog post) is interesting, because I guarantee you had the guy written to “Ask Amy” of the “Ask Amy” column with the same concern, Amy would  not have been sympathetic to the guy.

Amy would’ve raked him over the coals for not oozing with love and compassion for the misbehaving stepchild.

Amy, as I’ve seen, always sides with the kids or the biological parent.

If you are a person married to someone who has a bratty kid who is driving you crazy (and even to the point of wanting to divorce!), Amy will shame you terribly over it.

Amy will scream and yell about you being selfish, and she will ask you to empathize with the misbehaving, rotten kid.

(That I can recall in all my years of reading her advice column, Amy has never shown empathy to the adult who is stressed and whose marriage is strained over a hard- to- handle step-child.)

This advice columnist,  though, takes the opposite approach and blames the biological mother; he holds her accountable for the poor marital dynamics.

Continue reading “Married To Person With Kid From Previous Marriage: Guy Says His Wife is Putting Her Son Before Their Marriage – on Not Wanting to Date Single Parents”

‘Jennifer Aniston is right that being childless does not define you’

‘Jennifer Aniston is right that being childless does not define you’

(Link): ‘Jennifer Aniston is right that being childless does not define you

Excerpts:

August 2018

Jennifer Aniston is right that being childless does not define you — the Friends star and Kylie Minogue shouldn’t have to justify themselves
Friends legend Jennifer Aniston has been met with quizzical responses to her personal decision not to procreate

FOR two decades, Jennifer Aniston has been the subject of frenzied and almost constant speculation about when she would become a mum. Most frustratingly for her, it was always a question of when and not if.

After all, how could a beautiful rich woman with an equally beautiful and rich man(whether it be Brad Pitt, John Mayer or Justin Theroux) possibly not want to have beautiful babies together?

…This week, Jen had enough, letting rip in her most forthright interview ever to InStyle magazine.

Continue reading “‘Jennifer Aniston is right that being childless does not define you’”

Why Aren’t People of Childbearing Age Having As Many Children As They Used To? We Asked Them – by C C Miller

Why Aren’t People of Childbearing Age Having As Many Children As They Used To? We Asked Them – by C C Miller

(Link): Why Aren’t People of Childbearing Age Having As Many Children As They Used To? We Asked Them – by C C Miller

Women have more options, for one. But a new poll also shows that financial insecurity is altering a generation’s choices.

Americans are having fewer babies. At first, researchers thought the declining fertility rate was because of the recession, but it kept falling even as the economy recovered. Now it has reached a record low for the second consecutive year.

Because the fertility rate subtly shapes many major issues of the day — including immigration, education, housing, the labor supply, the social safety net and support for working families — there’s a lot of concern about why today’s young adults aren’t having as many children. So we asked them.

Continue reading “Why Aren’t People of Childbearing Age Having As Many Children As They Used To? We Asked Them – by C C Miller”

Needy Single Mom Feels Abandoned By Church Family (Ask Amy)

Needy Single Mom Feels Abandoned By Church Family (Ask Amy)

In an older post, I mentioned how it is that some older adults do not recognize just how poorly churches and Christian culture treats single adults until those older adults become single again via divorce or widowhood:
Then they notice how absolutely marriage-centric churches are, and how utterly horrid Christians are about meeting the needs of single adults.

Then you have your married parents who don’t realize how Obsessed With the Nuclear Family most churches are until their (Link): own kids grow up and move out and stop attending church with them.

Then and only then do some Christian married couples wake up to see how absolutely terrible churches are about neglecting single adults or the childless.

The woman who wrote this letter to “Ask Amy” had to go through a divorce before she noticed how anti-singles friendly her church was. Amazing.

Also, I could’ve told this woman that Christians in general are awful at showing concern, care, and empathy for people who are in pain or under-going some stress in life.

Continue reading “Needy Single Mom Feels Abandoned By Church Family (Ask Amy)”

Want More Babies? You Need Less Patriarchy by M. Goldberg

Want More Babies? You Need Less Patriarchy by M. Goldberg

(Link): Want More Babies? You Need Less Patriarchy – on New York Times

Same editorial here:

(Link): Want More Babies? You Need Less Patriarchy – Oregonian

Excerpts:

Last week, the National Center for Health Statistics reported that America’s birthrate reached a historic low in 2017, falling to 60.2 births per 1,000 women of childbearing age.

For a population in the developed world to replace itself, the average woman needs to have around 2.1 children. In the United States, where fertility has been below replacement for about a decade, the average woman now has 1.77.

Several commentators have described the plunge as a mystery, particularly since we’re in a period of economic growth. Some on the right have, absurdly, blamed the shrinking birthrate on abortion, even though abortion rates are also as low as they’ve been since Roe v. Wade was decided.

More thoughtful conservatives, like National Review’s David French, speculated that the baby bust could be a sign of the same sort of sweeping despair that has been linked to America’s decreasing life expectancy.

I have another theory. Perhaps the United States is becoming more like the rest of the industrialized world, where declining birthrates are correlated with a lack of support for working mothers.

Continue reading “Want More Babies? You Need Less Patriarchy by M. Goldberg”

The Changing Profile Of Unmarried Parents – Pew Research

(Link): The Changing Profile Of Unmarried Parents

A growing share are living with a partner

One-in-four parents living with a child in the United States today are unmarried. Driven by declines in marriage overall, as well as increases in births outside of marriage, this marks a dramatic change from a half-century ago, when fewer than one-in-ten parents living with their children were unmarried (7%).

At the same time, the profile of unmarried parents has shifted markedly, according to a new Pew Research Center analysis of Census Bureau data. Solo mothers – those who are raising at least one child with no spouse or partner in the home – no longer dominate the ranks of unmarried parents as they once did. In 1968, 88% of unmarried parents fell into this category.

Continue reading “The Changing Profile Of Unmarried Parents – Pew Research”

A Response to the Editorial “America Needs a New Sexual Revolution” by Melissa Mackenzie

A Response to the Editorial “America Needs a New Sexual Revolution” by Melissa Mackenzie

I guess Ms. Mackenzie drank from the Gender Complementarian Kool-Aid, or something like it.

The complementarian world is a world in which one is taught there are only two options concerning women (I know this because (Link): I used to be one myself for many years):

-either be and live as a traditional values person who believes all women are, or should be, passive, dainty, and delicate and should marry young and have children,
or,
-be and live as a bra-burning, man-hating, liberal feminist.

I present a third option, which is hated by some liberals (when I bring it to their attention), and it’s an option that is never even considered by other conservatives, which is as follows:
I am a right wing woman who rejects sexism, and finds fault in both the left and right wing on some women’s issues, but who also sees some merit to some arguments on either side, depending on the topic.

In this blog post, I am commenting upon this editorial on The American Spectator:

 (Link): America Needs a New Sexual Revolution by Melissa Mackenzie

A foundation of the opening of this editorial rests upon a presupposition that, and to paraphrase my understanding of the author’s perspective:

“Everything that is wrong today in regards to culture, sex, marriage, dating, and women, is liberal, secular, FEMINISM, and feminism is EVIL! One can directly trace the downfall of American sexual morality to the feminism of the 1960s!!”

Such thinking is a common trope in about every right wing publication I’ve ever read on these subjects.

To that point, about feminism supposedly being to blame for all of society’s marital or sexual problems, I would ask you to read this off-site post, which is by a Christian (not by a left wing, secular feminist):

(Link): Perhaps Feminism Is Not The Enemy

What I will do here is provide excerpts by MacKenzie then, under her comments, offer my thoughts.

MacKenzie writes (source again):

There’s a coarsening of relationships between men and women, parents and children, and people with each other.

// end MacKenzie quotes ///

I don’t think secular, left wing feminism was the start of the “coarsening of relationships between men and women” but is a response to it.

One can read the Old Testament of the Bible, which dates back several thousand years, to see men raping their own sisters, owning harems of women (in some cases, women having no choice but to be in a harem, or to be a concubine), and men committing adultery. There was no 1960s, American- style feminism around in Biblical days.

Continue reading “A Response to the Editorial “America Needs a New Sexual Revolution” by Melissa Mackenzie”

Womb Transplants Could Allow Men to Have Babies ‘Tomorrow’, Claims Expert

Womb Transplants Could Allow Men to Have Babies ‘Tomorrow’, Claims Expert

I wonder, do men get the annoying monthly menstrual period to go along with it, which can come with cramps and backaches? *fingers crossed*

What a strange world we’re living in.

(Link): Womb Transplants Could Allow Men to Have Babies ‘Tomorrow’, Claims Expert

by V Fletcher, November 2017

Blokes would not be able to deliver the baby naturally, but could give birth by cesarean

Continue reading “Womb Transplants Could Allow Men to Have Babies ‘Tomorrow’, Claims Expert”

How To Say No At Work When You Don’t Have Kids by M. Savage

How To Say No At Work When You Don’t Have Kids by M. Savage

First saw this on B. DePaulo’s Twitter:

(Link): How To Say No At Work When You Don’t Have Kids by M. Savage

Aug 2017

Despite a boom in flexible working, many singles say they’re still picking up the slack from colleagues with families. Career coaches are advising them to say no.

…“The assumption [by employers] is that you can drop everything or that you don’t have a care in the world [if you are single and do not have children],” says Chaka. “Actually, as a single, life is more expensive, you have to run all errands yourself and you don’t have someone to fall back on financially if things go wrong.”

Corporate workhorses

During research for his book Going Solo, Eric Klinenberg, a professor of sociology at New York University interviewed hundreds of single people in Europe and America and discovered “there was widespread perception that singles became the workhorses in corporate offices”.

Continue reading “How To Say No At Work When You Don’t Have Kids by M. Savage”

Study Reveals Nearly 60% Drop in Male Fertility Since 1970 in the U.S., Europe and Australia

Study Reveals Nearly 60% Drop in Male Fertility Since 1970 in the U.S., Europe and Australia

(Link): Sperm count in Western men plunges to record low as scientists blame chemicals in everyday products for crisis

(Link):  Huge drop in sperm count could lead to human EXTINCTION: Study reveals 60% drop in fertility since 1970 – driven by the unhealthy Western lifestyle

July 25, 2017

Humans could face extinction if sperm counts continue to drop as fast as they have done in the last four decades in Western countries, a study warns.

Researchers claim the Western lifestyle has more than halved the sperm count of men in the US, Europe and Australia since the 1970s in a new study published by Human Reproduction Update.

Continue reading “Study Reveals Nearly 60% Drop in Male Fertility Since 1970 in the U.S., Europe and Australia”

Educated Women Are Freezing Eggs Because Of “Missing Men”

Educated Women Are Freezing Eggs Because Of “Missing Men”

(Link): Educated Women Are Freezing Eggs Because Of”Missing Men

Excerpt:

Women with master’s degrees and doctorates are freezing their eggs because there are not enough educated men in the world, according to a new study.

Researchers interviewed 150 women who were having their eggs frozen at eight clinics in the US and Israel between June 2014 and August 2016. More than 80 percent of participants had college degrees.

Continue reading “Educated Women Are Freezing Eggs Because Of “Missing Men””

“I Regret Having Children” – Various Mothers Interviewed (via NY Post)

“I Regret Having Children” – Various Mothers Interviewed (via NY Post)

(Link): “I Regret Having Children” – Various Mothers Interviewed (via NY Post) by G. Wilson

….Here, a handful of women who have shared how they wish they could turn back time and do it all differently.

Single-mother hardship

“I regret having my daughter.

“She is now 12 and it is easier as they get older, but sometimes I look at her and wish she had never been born. I was/am a single mother and right from the start the moment the midwife gave her to me I didn’t feel this instant love that people talk of, all I felt was the huge weight of regret.

“Being a single mother with a baby that hardly slept and screamed all the time was awful, I was constantly exhausted, but I never told anyone about how I really felt for fear of being judged, I couldn’t give her to my parents for a night or two because of their drinking.

Continue reading ““I Regret Having Children” – Various Mothers Interviewed (via NY Post)”

I Don’t Want Kids. How Can I Get People to Stop Pressuring Me Once and For All? (Ask E Jean)

I Don’t Want Kids. How Can I Get People to Stop Pressuring Me Once and For All? (Ask E Jean)

(Link): I Don’t Want Kids. How Can I Get People to Stop Pressuring Me Once and For All? – Ask E Jean

From a 38 year old woman, who says everyone and their brother asks her about when or if she’s going to have children:

I’m a devoted aunt to my nieces and nephews and have tons of respect for parents. I just don’t want to be one.

…However, everyone seems to be pressuring me to have kids! People I don’t even know well—friends of friends, random taxi drivers—constantly comment: “Why don’t you have kids yet?” or “You should have kids before it’s too late!”

Continue reading “I Don’t Want Kids. How Can I Get People to Stop Pressuring Me Once and For All? (Ask E Jean)”

Jeannie Mai Says Church People Pray for Her to Want Babies: Stop Shaming Me

Jeannie Mai Says Church People Pray for Her to Want Babies: Stop Shaming Me

It is truly disgusting how deeply Christians and secular culture demand and expect all women to reproduce, even if the woman in question has absolutely no interest in having children.

I cannot BELIEVE how terribly OBNOXIOUS people are! It’s none of anyone’s business why or why not this woman has kids, or if she doesn’t want them and why not, and so on.

Breeding is not an imperative – in the New Testament (see 1 Cor 7), Paul states it is better NOT to be having sex! But Christians push and harass people who choose to stay single and childless, or who find themselves as such due to circumstance.

(Link): Jeannie Mai Says Church People Pray for Her to Want Babies: Stop Shaming Me

BY CHRISTINE THOMASOS , CHRISTIAN POST REPORTER

March 7, 2017

Jeannie Mai is speaking out against those who have shamed her for not wanting children, including people in her church who have laid hands on her and prayed for her desire to give birth.

Mai, the 38-year-old co-host of daytime talk show “The Real,” was emotional as she explained the frustration she felt when people expected her to announce her pregnancy with her husband, Freddy Harteis, of 10 years. While she is outspoken about her Christian faith on the show and social media, Mai expressed her issues with people at her church praying for her to want children.

“I’ve even had people like at church, which is why sometimes it throws me off from church, but they lay hands and they’ll pray for me that I’ll want that. [They] lay hands like ‘God you’re going to put that moment in Jeannie where she will be an amazing mother,” she recalled. “‘Let her know, let her feel that.'”

Continue reading “Jeannie Mai Says Church People Pray for Her to Want Babies: Stop Shaming Me”