Woman raised in the Bible Belt by religious parents says she ended up in TWO abusive relationships – because being banned from dating made her ‘ignorant’ about men

Woman raised in the Bible Belt by religious parents says she ended up in TWO abusive relationships – because being banned from dating made her ‘ignorant’ about men

(A link to a woman’s testimony about how Christian or religious dating advice as a kid hurt her as an adult is linked to farther below in this post.)

As I’ve written of before on my blog, much Christian teaching about dating, gender roles, and marriage – especially if espoused by Christians who believe in and teach something called “gender complementarianism” – can often leave marriage-minded singles single far longer than they wish, or perhaps permanently.

Christian teaching on dating, while intended to help singles date “safely” (i.e., to prevent pre-marital sex)  ironically erects obstacles for singles who’d like to get married.

One problem of Christian teaching about dating and singleness is to teach singles, to teach men and women, to be afraid of each other; never spend time alone with an opposite-gender person, lest it lead to fornication.

Well, the only way to marry is to first spend time with an opposite-gender person (assuming you are hetero), via dating.

If you are a lady, in order to discover if you are compatible with a guy, you need to spend time alone with him on dates, especially if you are an adult. (Group dating is for teens, not people over the age of 21.)

This woman’s testimony I link to farther down this page is yet another example of this situation, of how damaging the usual Christian dating advice and gender complementarianism is to singles, especially women.

The things she was taught growing up by her religious parents – things about dating, modesty, gender roles, etc – caused her relationship problems later in life.

Christian Gender Complementarianism infantilizes women, causes them to be naive, and teaches them it is wrong, unladylike, or selfish to have boundaries and to be assertive.

As you can see in this article, this was certainly a problem for the woman author, Lorens.

When she was confronted with vulgar, strange male clients at her job in a store, she did not know how to assert herself and tell them to shove off – or even if she could do so in the first place.

Continue reading “Woman raised in the Bible Belt by religious parents says she ended up in TWO abusive relationships – because being banned from dating made her ‘ignorant’ about men”

Pastor Saeed Abedini’s Wife Halts Public Advocacy, Citing Marital Woes and Abuse -article says her husband is a Porn Addict

Pastor Saeed Abedini’s Wife Halts Public Advocacy, Citing Marital Woes and Abuse -article says her husband is a Porn Addict

Before I get to the link to the news story itself – about jailed pastor Saeed being a porn user who abused his wife, I wanted to comment about the story first (I also have comments below the news page excerpt below).

So much for the Christian teachings about “being equally yoked,” which is generally understood to mean a Christian person can only marry another Christian.

While it’s true that a lot of Non-Christians are scum balls who would make poor spouses, I have so far not seen any evidence that so-called Christian men are any more trustworthy, loving, or mature than your average atheist guy, Hindu, Jewish guy, or whomever.

I actually tweeted in support of this guy a few times several months back… but he was abusing his wife, and she says he has a porn addiction problem – I didn’t know this until a couple of days ago, when I saw this article.

I also want to remind you of another point I touch on often on this blog: Contrary to what some conservative Christians teach on how to go about getting married, you do NOT have to be perfect, clean  yourself up, or change yourself in some fashion to “earn” a spouse.

Continue reading “Pastor Saeed Abedini’s Wife Halts Public Advocacy, Citing Marital Woes and Abuse -article says her husband is a Porn Addict”

Some Christians Have Some Very Strange, Unsettling, Creepy, or Authoritarian Ideas About Marriage, Divorce, or Mate Selection – and they think they should make your life choices for you

Some Christians Have Some Very Strange, Unsettling,  Creepy, or Authoritarian Ideas About Marriage, Divorce, or Mate Selection – and they think they should make your life choices for you

This isn’t a post I want to spend a lot of time on.

I was planning on maybe later doing a post about the church – Village Church – who has put a Christian wife, Karen, into discipline because she anulled her marriage to her spouse, Jordan Root, as soon as she discovered he was a pedophile.

Root admitted to being a pedophile, according to different sources I read.

Root was not only using child porn, but if I remember right, some sources say he admitted to his wife he molested two young girls.

You can read more about that story here (post on Watchkeep blog):

(Link): She Speaks: The Village Church protects a confessed pedophile and “disciplines” his wife, a brave young woman and missionary

Most women would in fact dump a husband the moment they learned their spouse is a pedophile, and most normal fathers of those women would want their daughter to dump their pedo husband pronto.

But not the fathers and other men of Village Church, oh no.

Yes, as if all that is not bad enough, there are a bunch of screw ball and naive Christians on social media scolding Karen for leaving her spouse – they keep insisting it was wrong for her to divorce the man (she got an annulment, not a divorce).
Some Christians want to treat you as though you are a five year old child, incapable of making choices for yourself, and they even want to exert this control over your marital status.
These control freak Christians believe they or their church should be able to call the shots and tell you who, when, or if you marry, or when or how or if you may divorce.
It’s utterly insane and very creepy and highly unbiblical.
There are Christians who apparently feel it is wrong for a person to divorce another person for any reason, or even in the extreme case of pedophilia.

I have noticed that some Christians have some very shoddy ideas of mate selection, or reasons they feel a person can divorce, that border on the absurd.

Take this, for example:

Yes, that thar is an example of Christian men who think Christian single women should marry a male Christian pornography user or addict, even if  those things are personal deal breakers for the women in question, and all to bolster the falling marriage rate among Christians.

That Christian sociologist, Regnerus, wants women to set aside their right to make their choices for their own lives, in who they marry, to satisfy his and evangelical Christianity’s preferences and insecurities.

It’s none of this joker’s business if you decide to forgo marrying a Christian porn user.

Next up, we have this lunacy, Christians who think Christian singles should marry Muslims in order to bridge a gap between Muslims and Christians:

Then there was this July 2012 headline from (Link): The Wartburg Watch blog:

  • The Real Doug Wilson Encouraged & Presided Over the Marriage of Serial Pedophile

In that case, we have preachers or Christian personalities encouraging young, single Christian women to marry known pedophiles, and one even presided over the marriage of a pedophile to a woman.

 In regards to the situation of The Village Church, where a lady named Karen left her spouse Jordan, who admitted being a pedophile:

Then there’s insanity such as this (link to Tweet):

(Tweet by) JB @tallangrybob

A response to that:

(Tweet by) Dee Parsons (Link):

  •  We should all marry pedophiles and prostitutes ala Hosea. Great TVC exegesis.

First of all, the New Testament says it is actually better to stay single than to marry (see (link): 1 Corinthians 7).

Secondly, God permits divorce in both the Old and New Testaments:

  • Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. (Matthew 19)

Churches may not like divorce. You personally reading this may not like divorce. But the fact is, God allows people to get divorces.

God permits divorce not just in cases of adultery, but in other cases as well:

You know, part of me would still like to marry one day, but I see the utter nonsense, or weirdness, or horrifying legalism some Christians insist other Christians should live through marriage-wise, and I am so glad I have never married.

From Christians expecting Christian women to marry pornography addicts, pedophiles, and Muslims, to Christians who say Christian women cannot or should not divorce pedophiles or abusers, there seems to be no end to the heavy yokes and bondage some Christians and churches want to place on women.

Jesus would not have approved of any of it.

I think a lot of these Christians and churches care more about the institution of marriage, or how the world perceives their churches, than they do in how women are treated.

A clue that Christians have turned marriage into an idol is that it is obvious they care more about a couple maintaining an empty, hollow, shell of a marriage, to keep up appearances with the world, or within their own culture, than they do the welfare of the people in said marriage.

As far as equally yoked teachings are concerned, I am convinced now more than ever that character matters more than religious self identity; if I ever come across a smart, cute, atheist who treats me well, I would marry him in a heart beat, not Mr. “I Molest Children” Christian, or Mr. “I Think It’s OK For Me To Abuse Any Wife Of Mine” Christian, or Mr. “I Look At Porn All Day” Christian.

If you are a single Christian woman contemplating marriage: be very cautious. First, don’t let these Christian writers and preachers advise you who to marry. Determine for yourself who you want to marry.

Secondly, be aware that if you marry a pervert or abuser, most churches are going to expect you to stay with the creep, no matter what. Most churches are very keen on keeping even the most abusive marriages intact, because they believe divorce is the unpardonable sin and sets a bad example.

Most churches will not care about you, your welfare, or your mental or physical health if you are in an abusive marriage, or some other kind of troubled marriage – all they care about is shaming and guilt tripping you into staying with your loser of a spouse, should you marry a loser.


Related Posts:

(Link):  Stupid Things Naive Christians Say (About Adultery, Divorce) from Divorce Minister Blog

(Link): Divorce. Unpardonable sin? (from CWO) / How Churches Fail the Divorced (article)