Okla. Dad Molested and Killed Ex-Cheerleader Daughter, Then Claimed She Shot Herself by Accident

Okla. Dad Molested and Killed Ex-Cheerleader Daughter, Then Claimed She Shot Herself by Accident

Did being a father and being married make this man in this news story “more of a human,” as Southern Baptist (Link): Al Mohler would argue?

Did being a parent make this man more godly, mature, ethical or sexually moral, as so many conservative pro-family think tanks would want you to believe?

After seeing news stories like this one, do you really think God withholds spouses from people until they become more righteous, loving, or less sinful, as a lot of conservative Protestants and Baptists teach? I’d say “no.”

(Link): Okla. Dad Molested and Killed Ex-Cheerleader Daughter, Then Claimed She Shot Herself by Accident

On Wednesday, jurors in Oklahoma convicted a 45-year-old father in the 2017 death of his ex-cheerleader daughter, whom he’d initially claimed accidentally shot herself in the face.

A Cleveland County Court official tells PEOPLE the jury deliberated for nearly four hours before returning the guilty verdict against Ronald Lee McMullen Jr., of Norman, of the first-degree murder of 22-year-old Kailee McMullen.

Continue reading “Okla. Dad Molested and Killed Ex-Cheerleader Daughter, Then Claimed She Shot Herself by Accident”

The Rhetoric of Singleness Blog – Links, Comments, Thoughts

The Rhetoric of Singleness Blog

Warning: I discovered through further reading that the author of the blog is a complementarian. I disagree with complementarianism; more on that below.

Had I known from the start she is a complementarian, I may not have started composing this post. I am leery of pointing anyone to a complementarian resource, but here we are.


As of today, I see only a small number of posts on the The Rhetoric of Singleness blog, dating from April 2017, and this blog appears to be from a Christian perspective – but then, her blog does not display a list or pull down menu of all her posts.

Even though the blog looks to be on hiatus, I’ll link to it on the off chance the blogger resumes writing again.

The person behind this blog says she’s single, in her 30s, and has yet to marry but would like to.

(Link): The Rhetoric of Singleness Blog – main page

Some of the only posts I am seeing on this blog include:

(Link): Pursuing Marriage

In that “Pursuing Marriage” post, she says she is a believer in gender complementarianism.

For example, here’s part of what she writes:

So, what options does that leave me, a woman with a complementary view of gender roles, of pursuing marriage? I know for some women who see no options left to them there is a strong temptation to bitterness, resentment, and to denigrate our single brothers who are called by God to the leadership role in the pursuit of marriage.

// end excerpt

Oh no. I (Link): used to be a complementarian myself but ditched it by my mid 30s.

I heard all the same stuff from conservative Christians growing up, as this other blogger likely did, such as, how (Link): men are supposed to be the heads in marriages, God supposedly created women pretty much to exist (Link): only to wait on menand so on.

(And I remained a conservative, even after I realized that complementarianism is false and actually quite sexist – it doesn’t just teach that men and women “complement” one another but that there should be a male hierarchy, of men ruling over women.

Contrary to what complementarians would have you believe, abandoning gender complementarianism will not turn you into a left wing, abortion-supporting, man-hating feminist. I am still right wing, even after leaving complementarianism.)

I am no longer a complementarian, but can pin point complementarianism, among a few other things, as being (Link): one reason as to why I am in my 40s and never got married.

Continue reading “The Rhetoric of Singleness Blog – Links, Comments, Thoughts”

Old Testament Studies Blog on Various Topics From Early Marriage to Sexual Sin to Evangelical and Baptist Propensity to Make an Idol Out of Family Marriage and Parenthood Etc Etc

Old Testament Studies Blog on Various Topics From Early Marriage to Sexual Sin to Evangelical and Baptist Propensity to Make an Idol Out of Family Marriage and Parenthood Etc Etc

I’m not necessarily in agreement with all views of the guy behind this blog, the OTSB (Old Testament Studies Blog).

For one, he seems to be a Calvinist, and I disagree with Calvinism.

OTSB guy discusses some of the same issues at his blog that I discuss here on mine. It looks as though he has not made a new blog entry since October 2013.

Blog’s Main Page:
(Link): Old Testament Studies

(Link): The Dark Side of Evangelicalism-A Response to Accusations on the Boundless Blog
(Re: Christians denigrating singlehood and idolizing marriage)

Excerpts:

    The case in point is a recent radio podcast put out by the folks over at Boundless. Steve and Candice Watters were in Louisville, Kentucky for the Give me an Answer conference at Southern Seminary.

    While they were there, they interviewed Albert Mohler for their podcast.

    During the podcast, the following dicussion took place. I want you to read this carefully, and ask yourself if what Dr. Mohler says in the bold portion is consistent with scripture! It begins at 24:15:

    Candice- Are you encouraged by Mark Regnerus and others who are encouraging early marriage, and do you think that this movement will gain traction?

    Dr. Mohler- Well, I’ve been at that a long time, and I can tell you its extremely controversial whereas throughout most of human history that would be the mormal expectation.

    I am encouraged…It’s going to be a counter-revolution. We are literally going to have to stand against the kind of demographic tide that is coming at us, and say…you know, here is the question.

    I just want to ask you this honestly. I talk to young guys about this more than probably any other subject when they bring it up and say, you know, here is the issue: How are you going to be holy without marriage?

    And that’s a tough question to answer, unless, you know, if God has called you to missions, if God’s called you to special service and deployment in this area, then the word is going to compensate for that, but, for most guys, the big issue is just this now long wait.

(Link): Kristin and Ted Kluck Write of the Familiolatry in the Modern Church

(Link): Famliolatry on Display Again

(Link): Why Getting Married Early Will Not Stop Sexual Sin

(Link): Marital Gnosticism in Evangelicalism

Excerpts:

    I think we as a church have boughten into a form of gnosticism which I will call “marital gnosticism.” We seem to think that the way to the higher Christian life is through marriage, and, although single people are a part of the church, they simply are not as “enlightened” as those who are married.

    Hence, we need to encourage, and even shame single people into getting married, so that they will become “enlightened” like the rest of the married people. It is gross, ridiculous, gnostic thinking.

    Not only does it not work [marriage cannot change the heart; only Christ can], even worse, it alienates singles. Singles who see this kind of behavior know that they are not part of the “enlightened” gnostic group, and thus, they are pushed further and further away.

(Link): Another “Marriage is a Cure All” Message

(Link): Horrendus Eisegesis from Evangelicals in the Culture War

(Link): Challenging the Challenge to the “Unnecessary” Delay of Marriage

Continue reading “Old Testament Studies Blog on Various Topics From Early Marriage to Sexual Sin to Evangelical and Baptist Propensity to Make an Idol Out of Family Marriage and Parenthood Etc Etc”

Southern Baptists Perpetuate Myths About Genders, Sex, and Adult Singles at 2014 ERLC Summit – All Women Are harlots, men cannot control themselves

Southern Baptists Perpetuate Myths About Genders, Sex, and Adult Singles at 2014 ERLC Summit – All Women Are harlots, men cannot control themselves

Here’s the link with excerpt with observations by me below all this; please pay attention on the portion in bold face type:

(Link): Southern Baptist conference grapples with questions of sexuality for first time by Amanda Holpuch in New York, 22 April 2014

Excerpts:

    … During his talk, he [Russell Moore] spoke about how transgender people, same-sex marriage and pre-marital sex relate to the church.

    … Regnerus spoke about trends in sexuality based on new research he has collected that will be part of a book due for release. He said pornography and the pill have made sex “cheap” because they make it more accessible.

    …. Tuesday is the longest day of the conference, with several breakout sessions scheduled in between keynote addresses, including discussions geared specifically to each gender, such as: “Biblical Womanhood: June Cleaver, Clair Huxtable, or the Proverbs 31 Woman.”

    …. On Monday, speakers on a panel called “The Gospel and the Pastor’s Purity” discussed ways for pastors to be sexually pure.

    “In the business world, people are having lunches and private dinners with the opposite sex,” said Kie Bowman, a pastor in Austin, Texas, according to The Tennessean. “I just would say, forget it. Don’t go to lunch with another woman besides your wife or your daughter unless there’s another dozen people there.”

(Link): Southern Baptist summit has frank talk on sex

There is nothing biblical about telling the genders to stay away from each other, or to always make sure a third party is around if a man and woman meet, because sex might happen.

Notice in the story of Joseph and Potiphar’s wife, recounted in the book of Genesis, that the Bible records Joseph reasoning with the wife several times over a period of days, telling her he will not have sex with her, before using the “flee” method later on in the story, after days of her coming on to him (also note she was married, not single).

Too often, Christians tell believers to “flee first” in those sorts of situations, and some evangelicals and Baptists today jump ahead to say “don’t even meet with a woman alone.”

Why does all this matter?

Instead of teaching Christians that they have sexual self control – which they do, via the Holy Spirit, as the Bible teaches – such teaching which is frequently promoted by preachers, Christian authors, and Christian speakers, effectively tells the genders to stay away from each other, which leads to the isolation of adult singles.

People, married couples in particular, tend to view any and all adult singles, even church going Christian celibate adults, as being potential threats to their marriages. Preachers and Christian talking heads perpetuate their thinking on this topic in their books, sermons, blogs, podcasts and conferences.

Such Christians keep telling married couples that all adult singles, and women in general, but particularly single ones, are sexual temptresses who are eager to bed married men.

This leads to some adult, single Christians leading very lonely lives.

Unmarried, Christian women in particular seem to bear the brunt of such teaching, which is also very sexist, as it assumes all women are “easy.” I am a female and a virgin at age 40.

Yet, many Christians would assume that because of my singleness alone, I am more prone to sleep with a married man. I find this assumption or suspicion extremely sexist and insulting.

The hypocrisy is something else, too: hordes of married Christian men are screwing around on their wives (see this list of some examples), but here I am, a single past age 40, who is still a virgin, yet I get treated like a whore anyway.

This view also increases the amount of fornication and extra-marital affairs in the end scheme of things because it teaches men they are powerless over their sexual desires.

This view paints all males as being hormonal 15 year old boys or rapists. The men are given little reason to reign in and control their desires. They believe they have no choice but to give in and fornicate, so hey, they fornicate. They are not expected to “hold out” and control themselves – Christians set the expectations bar very low, which contributes to sexual sin.

The Bible does not share any of these views, that all men are too hormonal and cannot control their libido.

Teaching the genders to be suspicious of each other means dating does not happen, either, which means singles, even ones who desire marriage, stay single forever or into late middle age or longer.

From another source:

(Link): Southern Baptist summit has frank talk on sex by Heidi Hall, April 2014

    A panel led by Bethancourt offered suggestions to help pastors stay sexually pure, including leaning on Jesus and putting a glass door on the office so others can see in.

    Some watching the conference online criticized the idea that women were sexually misleading their pastors and that few women were represented in the audience or on the panels.

Glass doors to prevent affairs and fornication? Seriously? How about just keeping your freaking pants zipped and on?

I can see that policy being beneficial or necessary to children’s ministries in this day and age of so many pedophiles working in churches, but for adult- on- adult counseling?

Please see my previous posts on these issues:

(Link): Jesus Christ was not afraid to meet alone with known Prostitutes / Steven Furtick and Elevation Church Perpetuating Anti Singles Bias – ie, Single Women are Supposedly Sexual Temptresses, All Males Can’t Control Their Sex Drives – (but this view conflicts with evangelical propaganda that married sex is great and frequent)

(Link): Christian Stereotypes About Female Sexuality : All Unmarried Women Are Supposedly Hyper Sexed Harlots – But All Married Ones are Supposedly Frigid or Totally Uninterested in Sex

(Link): Christian Teachings on Relationships: One Reason Singles Are Remaining Single (even if they want to get married)

(Link): When Women Wanted Sex Much More Than Men – and how the stereotype flipped

(Link): Southern Baptists (who don’t TRULY support sexual purity) Announce 2014 Sex Summit

This 2014 ERLC Sex Summit by the Southern Baptists is a failure.
————–
More Related posts this blog:

(Link): Southern Baptists (who don’t TRULY support sexual purity) Announce 2014 Sex Summit

(Link): Christians (Southern Baptists) Who Attack Virginity Celibacy and Sexual Purity – and specifically Russell D. Moore and James M. Kushiner

(Link): How the Sexual Revolution Ruined Friendship – Also: If Christians Truly Believed in Celibacy and Virginity, they would stop adhering to certain sexual and gender stereotypes that work against both

(Link): No, Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity – Christians Attack and Criticize Virginity Sexual Purity Celibacy

(Link): Topics: Friendship is Possible / Sexualization By Culture Of All Relationships

(Link): How Christians Keep Christians Single (part 3) – Restrictive Gender Roles Taught as Biblical

(Link): Christian Gender and Sex Stereotypes Act as Obstacles to Christian Singles Who Want to Get Married (Not All Men Are Obsessed with Sex)

(Link): The Irrelevancy To Single or Childless or Childfree Christian Women of Biblical Gender Complementarian Roles / Biblical Womanhood Teachings

(Link): Married Southern Baptist and Calvinist Preacher and Father of Boy Exposes His Naked Penis to Teen Girl in Store

Southern Baptist’s New Sexist “Biblical Woman” Site – Attitudes in Total Face Palm of a Site One Reason Among Many This Unmarried and Childless Woman Is Saying Toodle-Oo to Christianity

Southern Baptist’s New Sexist “Biblical Woman” Site – Attitudes in Total Face Palm of a Site One Reason Among Many This Unmarried and Childless Woman Is Saying Toodle-Oo to Christianity

There are several reasons I am closer and closer to saying bye-bye to Christianity, but the continued insistence upon Southern Baptists, Neo Calvinists, and other Christian groups, on pushing sexism and codependency for women – under the headings of “gender complementarianism” or “biblical womanhood” – is just one more reason.

I am now blogging about a new site by Southern Baptists about “Biblical womanhood.” (Link to that site, with screen captures from it, is farther below.)

First, a preface: IT’S NOT JUST A WOMAN’S ISSUE

If you are a male, an unmarried male, you need to be concerned about this pushing of gender complementarianism to women. It impacts you as well, oh yes it does.

If you are a male, do not make the deadly mistake of thinking, “Aw, this is just about ladies, it is of no import for me, I am a dude!”

No, no, you couldn’t be more wrong because 1. (Link): this page and 2. they equally oppress, pressure, shame, and hound males who do not live up to their narrowly defined list of rules of what constitutes “biblical manhood.”

Just as gender complementarians limit and enslave women to following a very narrow set of 1950s- American- culturally influenced, un-biblical rules of what constitutes a godly woman (which often includes being married, submitting to a husband, and cranking out children), they do the same to men.

For example, and depending on what type of breed of gender complementarian we are discussing, they usually define “biblical manhood” to mean ‘MAN WHO IS MARRIED TO A WOMAN AND FATHER TO BIOLOGICAL CHILDREN.’

Some Christian biblical manhood advocates further tack on additional qualifiers of what constitutes “biblical manhood,” such as, “spiritual leader of wife,” “steadily employed with a big paycheck, so the wife can stay home all day,” and “manly man who drinks beer, belches loudly and often, and who watches cage fighting with great enthusiasm.”

Yeah.

So, if you are a single male, or you have never been a daddy, and if you do not care for American stereotypical manly man pursuits (e.g., football, NASCAR, copious amounts of beer drinking) and you even prefer artistic pursuits, such as painting and opera, and…

If you find yourself unable to support more than yourself on your pay check alone, you will be treated like a second-class citizen in most Baptist and Neo Calvinist churches.

You will be deemed a failure for not being biblically mannish enough by a host of gender complementarians.

I do find it telling that the Southern Baptists and other gender complementarians seem to expend more effort and time at talking about women’s roles, though.

They seem to crank out more books, sites, and so on, to convince women that being submitted doormats is really honest- to- gosh biblical and not the least demeaning, than they do in cranking out as much material convincing men to be Biblical Tough Guys.

Occasionally, they do, however – about a year ago, preacher Mark Driscoll and other preachers hosted an “Act Like Men” conference (link to that) which emphasized the idea that Christian men should be manly leader men, but it is my impression that conservative Christians are far more obsessed at keeping women in line more so than the males.

Even so, if you are a single, childless, un- or under- employed, or non- football obsessed male, you have a stake in this topic as well.

THE BIBLICAL WOMANHOOD SITE

The Southern Baptist “biblical womanhood” site, as of this writing (Apr. 2014) is a white and pink combination.

Yes, the web pages have a white background, but there is liberal usage of pink-colored fonts and headings all over the place.

Even their “biblical womanhood” logo contains pink. Screen capture of their site’s mast head:

Biblical Womanhood mast head screen shot
Biblical Womanhood mast head screen shot

Enough with pink already. I am a woman, but I have never liked pink.

Historically, by the way, pink was for boys and blue was for girls. Read (Link): this and (Link): this for more on that.

I am a woman. I have never liked pink. Even as a child, I did not find pink attractive, and it annoyed the piss out of me that companies and manufacturers went default pink on any product made for girls (and they would toss in rainbows and unicorns on the packaging, too. I’ve nothing against rainbows or unicorns, but I was never a horse or unicorn crazy girly girl, and I resented the notion, even at age ten, that I am SUPPOSED to like both just because I’m a girl.)

Anyway, leave it to a Southern Baptist site that is pushing “gender complementarian” roles to use pink as one of the site’s main colors. They couldn’t break the stereotypes and go with muted teals, greys, or dark red with gold, or other unexpected colors for a woman’s site, oh no, gotta stick with pink because PINK = GIRLY FEMININE! *Sigh.*

Where in the Bible does it say God defines the color pink as a biblical color for expressing womanhood? If that verse is in there, it must have escaped my attention, and yes, I have read the Bible all the way through.

Leave it to a Christian biblical womanhood, or gender complementarian, site that is intending to dispel the notion that gender complementarianism is sexist by… are you ready for this? by… upholding sexist stereotypes! – they do, right there on their site, examples to follow in this post.

Continue reading “Southern Baptist’s New Sexist “Biblical Woman” Site – Attitudes in Total Face Palm of a Site One Reason Among Many This Unmarried and Childless Woman Is Saying Toodle-Oo to Christianity”

Over 10 Million Men of Prime Working Age Are Unemployed in the US and Experts Think It’s Causing Declining Marriage Rates

Over 10 Million Men of Prime Working Age Are Unemployed in the US and Experts Think It’s Causing Declining Marriage Rates

I believe I’ve covered this story before too, if not in its own post, I know I mentioned it in passing in another one months ago.

Do you now what I find most moronic about this? The Southern Baptist solution to declining marriage rates is to scream at people: “MARRY YOUNG! MARRY EARLY! Marry before you turn 25!!!!”

Clearly, marriage is declining for several factors, not just that people are putting it off longer.

Another thing that bothers me about the “just marry early!!” simplistic advice from Al Mohler and other Southern Baptists is that the age at which one gets married is something one has little control over.

I did not get my first boyfriend until my late 20s (past the age of 25). How was I supposed to marry before age 25, as Southern Baptists advocate, when I did not even have a boyfriend at that point? I could not wave a magic wand and make one appear from thin air.

Christians definitely have this “Magical Marriage Fairy Tale” view. They assume that if you want marriage bad enough, then poof, Mr. Right will just happen to appear in your life (and already on one knee, with ring in hand), and when you want him to – like, if you are dying to marry before age 25, he’ll show up before then, they think.

Or, if you want to marry by the age of 30, Mr. Right, they think, will just happen to show up when you are 27 or 28.

I’ve discussed that Magical Marriage Fairy Tale before (Link): here. Just wanting something badly doesn’t mean it’s going to just happen.

Anyway, here is the story that guys are not getting married as much and probably due to the poor economy:

(Link): Over 10 Million Men of Prime Working Age Are Unemployed in the US and Experts Think It’s Causing Declining Marriage Rates

Excerpt:

    • BY LEONARDO BLAIR , CP REPORTER

February 7, 2014|12:48 pm

More than 10 million men, or one out of every six in the 25 to 54 age bracket, are unemployed in the United States, and only about one third of them say they are actively seeking jobs. Experts believe this dire condition could also be causing declining marriage rates.

“Some of them are looking for jobs. Two-thirds say they aren’t. Some are supported by families or friends; men without jobs are far less likely to be married than men with jobs. About 2 million of these prime-age men are on Social Security Disability Insurance,” said David Wessel, director of the Hutchins Center on Fiscal and Monetary Policy at the Brookings Institution in a report Thursday.

Noting the acute and chronic nature of the unemployment situation among men, Wessel said it was a result of the slow recovery of the U.S. economy from the Great Recession as well as a shift away from the types of work popular among men before the recession. Even as the economy improves, however, he pointed out that employment troubles among men is likely to persist.


Related Posts:

(Link): America’s Lost Boys by S. D. James (Why Men Are Not Marrying)

(Link): Just Say No – For white working-class women, it makes sense to stay single mothers. (Not enough eligible single men for women to marry) by N. Cahn and J. Carbone

(Link):  The Millennial Caregiver – from WSJ
(some singles are staying single longer than they hoped or planned because they are caregivers for elderly family)

(Link): Woman’s First Marriage at Age 40+

(Link): First Time Marriage for Man and Woman Both Over Age 40

(Link): The Nauseating Push by Evangelicals for Early Marriage

(Link): Christian Early Marriage Position Advocates A Low View of Celibacy and Virginity and Adult Singleness – another example: Justin Deeter Blog about Early Marriage

Is Singleness A Sin? by Camerin Courtney

Is Singleness A Sin? by Camerin Courtney

(Link): Is Singleness A Sin? by Camerin Courtney

Excerpt (you will have to click the link above if you want to read the rest):

    He [Southern Baptist Al Mohler] also spoke of the “holiness of marriage as the central crucible for adult-making” and of the ill of single women putting off wife- and motherhood to establish their careers.

He urged the singles in attendance at that conference to make getting married their top priority. “What is the ultimate priority God has called us to?” Mohler asked. “In heaven, is the crucible of our saint-making going to have been through our jobs? I don’t think so. The Scripture makes clear that it will be done largely through our marriages.”

Joining this bandwagon, Dennis Rainey and Bob Lepine of FamilyLife Today, a national radio broadcast of Campus Crusade’s FamilyLife ministry, aired the tape of Dr. Mohler’s talk. Afterward, the hosts voiced their absolute agreement with Mohler’s message. Rainey added a personal anecdote about how excited he was when his sons popped the question to their respective wives, “because I knew life was about to begin in earnest.”

… Their comments make me wonder how many actual Christian singles they interact with on a regular basis, or whether they’re basing their understanding of singles from viewing a few episodes of Friends.

Most of the singles I know and hear from aren’t delaying marriage due to selfish motives.

Rather most of them earnestly desire to be married, are surprised and/or frustrated that they aren’t yet, and are prayerfully trying to figure out how to get from here to there.

… Mohler seems to assume that all still-single women are such because we chose to climb the corporate ladder first, and that all still-single men are such because they first chose to sow their wild oats.

Continue reading “Is Singleness A Sin? by Camerin Courtney”

Preachers and Christian Media Personalities: Re: Marriage – You’re missing the point stop trying to argue or shame singles into getting married

Preachers and Christian Media Personalities: Re: Marriage – You’re missing the point – stop trying to argue or shame singles into getting married

Many evangelical, neo Calvinist, and Baptist preachers, as well as secular right wing persons, think tanks and personalities are continuing to operate under the false illusion that the reason so many Christian adult singles are not getting married into their late 20s, their 30s, and 40s and beyond is because they hate marriage or are intentionally choosing not to marry.

So, we see a spate of articles, blog posts, or hear podcasts where the likes of Al Mohlers, Mark Driscolls, and others, try to shame or guilt singles into getting married (some of these Christian personalities are harsher on male singles than they are female singles, while some distribute the harshness pretty much equally between the genders).

Some of these famous Christians enjoy citing dubious research to scare us singles into getting married, that supposedly, married people live longer and healthier lives ((Link): debunked here), and so forth.

While there may certainly be some adult (Christian) singles who have deliberately chosen to not marry, there are many, many Christian adults singles over the age of 25, 30, 40 and 50, who still desire marriage, but despite praying and hoping for a spouse, they are still single.

And some adult singles find this situation, and the incredibly obnoxious, resultant “blame game” played against them by pro-marriage Christians and the Christian pro-traditional marriage culture, very, very painful and frustrating.

I am one of them. I was a Christian for many years, and I had fully expected to marry by age 35 at the latest but am early 40s now and still unmarried.

I was told from a young age by preachers, my Christian parents, and Christian culture (Christian books about dating, etc), that if I prayed, had faith, waited on God’s timing, and stayed a virgin, that God would bless me with a spouse.

I did all that: stayed a virgin, prayed, had faith, trusted God for a spouse, but the wonderful Christian husband I was told would be mine never did manifest. I am still single after all this time.

And yet, some Christian preachers will ignorantly and presumptuously lecture me, and singles like me, in their blogs, podcasts, books, or sermons that I am still single because I must obviously, according to them, be

      a career driven, feminist, man-hating shrew;
      I must despise marriage and am choosing to avoid it;
      I must love singledom freedom too much to give it up;
    or, I must have committed fornication, so God is withholding a spouse

– all manner of false assumptions are made.

These types of Christians have no clue why I am still single, but it sure does not bother them from making malicious, insulting, rude assumptions and unfounded speculations.

I do not hate marriage. I am over 40 and have never had sex. I did not place career first. I am not a man-hating, secular feminist.

Yet, Christians continue to assume if you are single past age 25 or so, it must be due to a reason such as that, or else, they feel, you are intentionally avoiding marriage.

None of these ignorant Christians want to notice, consider, or opine on, the contributing factors undergirding unwanted, protracted adult singleness that are beyond the control of singles, such as…

The job landscape has changed, which prevents a lot of young men from being able to marry (it takes a lot of money to support a wife and child, which happens to be the stereotypical preferred Christian family structure (Link): Male Employment Trends May Not Bode Well For Marriage).

And no, pushing people to marry at age 18 or 21, and instructing the church to fund and finance young married couples to make the whole thing easier, is not the answer, either.

In addition, this nauseating push by Christian leaders to marry “teeny boppers” off by the time they are 18 or 21 years old still does nothing for me, age 40ish and still single, and there are many, many singles such as me, who are never married past age 30 who desire marriage: what church, will you do to help me and those like me get a partner?

Telling me I, a 40-something woman, should marry at age 18 is an anachronism. I’m past age 18 now. So what now? How will you help me achieve my goal of having my own traditional marriage?

There are other single men and women my age who are asking the same thing on other blogs out there; I am far from alone.

Another factor ignored by the Christians who try to shame and blame adult singles into getting married:

Christian teachings on gender roles and dating/ sex/ and marriage have themselves contributed to prolonged, unwanted singleness among Christian singles, which I shall not get into here, because I have explained it before in other posts (such as (Link): here, (Link): here, (Link): here).

To the preachers and Christian media personalities out there:

Stop assuming all adult singles do NOT want marriage.

Start addressing those of us who DO WANT marriage, but it has, for whatever reason that is not our fault, been DENIED us.

Stop fretting that marriage is not happening among younger generations and using that as an excuse to blame and rail against the phantoms of liberalism and secular feminism.

Start addressing specific steps churches and Christian culture can take to help marry off over-age 30 singles who desire marriage.

Consider re-examining, re-tooling, or scrapping altogether your teachings on sex, gender roles, dating, and marriage, because those are some of the very things which have inhibited Christian singles from dating and getting married.

For instance:

There are entire blogs and sites dedicated to how the Christian dating book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” kept an entire generation of Christians single into their 30s and beyond, with its faulty, naive assumptions about sex, dating, and gender roles and so on.

And these still-single Christians (who have been damaged by books such as “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” and similar Christian material) are people who were desiring marriage, not trying to avoid it! (Example: (Link): (Blog): I Kissed Dating Goodbye: Wisdom or Foolishness?)

Stop assuming all never-married adults past the age of 30 are single by choice, or that God has called them to be single. by the way, the phrase “Gift of Singleness” and “Gift of Celibacy” are NOT in the Bible. Here are a few instructive links about that:

      (Link):

The Myth of the Gift – Regarding Christian Teachings on Gift of Singleness and Gift of Celibacy

    )

(Link): The Gift of Singleness – A Mistranslation and a Poorly Used Cliche’

(Link): There is No Such Thing as a Gift of Singleness or Gift of Celibacy or A Calling To Either One

Many of us singles over the age of 30 desired marriage and do NOT understand why God never sent us a spouse, as preachers say God will do if we just pray and wait.

Stop preaching that singles are “less than.”

What I mean is that fringe kook groups, as well as more “mainstream” preachers and speakers, have been teaching the last several years, that it takes one man married to one women to reflect God, or to fully express God, etc., when the Bible not only does not teach this dreck, but the Bible already says that an unmarried woman alone fully reflects God, as does an unmarried man alone.

Seriously, some preachers, or some Christian fertility cultic groups, teach that singles are not as fully Christian, or as fully human, as married couples are, and some of these nasty assumptions also spill over to married couples who are infertile (ie, you are not fully Christian or human unless you are married AND producing children). I have several posts like this one on this blog:

      (Link):

According to Pastor – Jimmy Evans – It Takes One Man and Woman Married To Equal A Whole – so where does that leave Christian singles ? / Too Much Sex Talk | Making Marriage into an Idol Marriage Idolatry Anti Singles Singlehood Singleness Unmarried Bias Prejudice

Here’s another:

      (Link):

Why Unmarried – Single Christians Should Be Concerned about the Gender Role Controversy – because some Christians are teachng that unmarried people are not fully human or not “whole” – preachers who teach that single people are not fully in God’s image unless they get married

Jesus Christ never married and never had children, does that mean Jesus was not fully human, not fully Christian, and not fully reflecting God?

Putting aside for a moment that many of us older singles WANT TO BE MARRIED and find it puzzling, infuriating, or frustrating that we are not married…

Also, for those singles who do decide to remain single and/or never have children, and who are happy remaining single and childfree: respect those choices.

The Bible does NOT condemn singlehood, the Bible does not mandate marriage or procreation (both are presented as being OPTIONAL in the New Testament), the Bible does not teach that marriage is better or more holy or godly than singlehood.

Nor does the Bible teach that God “calls” anyone to singleness, or that singleness is only for “a few.”

Up to 44% (or more) of America’s population is single now, including a huge chunk of conservative Christians, so obviously, if one believes in that nonsense about God “calling” any one to singlehood, God is calling many, many to singlehood these days in the United States not “just a few.”

The Bible presents lifelong celibacy and singleness as being completely fine, valid options for the adult believers, and there may be a number of Christians who are truly happy and fine being single, but many Christians – the ones who have turned traditional marriage and having children into idols – completely ignore the Bible’s teachings on singleness to present it as being the option or last resort of only “the few” or only “those who are gifted with it,” or to make marriage sound superior to singleness.

It is especially troubling when the pro traditional marriage types, such as Al Mohler, quote the “singles die sooner than married” type studies with such glee, not only because such studies are usually flawed, but because they are denying or disrespecting God’s very own teaching on singleness: that God is totally fine with people choosing to remain single, and that the Apostle Paul and Jesus Christ were themselves single.

At any rate, there is a boat load of adult Christian singles out there who very much would like to get married, and we are being neglected. Or, Christian spokespersons keep wrongly assuming we are deliberately choosing to avoid marriage for any number of reasons.

Christians need to help us older singles get married, if we desire marriage, and they need to respect us as singles for so long as we do remain unmarried, even if that remains a lifetime.

I’ve yet to see any preacher discuss the following: why is God (that is, assuming the God of the Bible exists, and that He cares about people and actually listens to or replies to prayer) permitting so many adult Christians to remain single for so long, despite the fact they do, contrary to much Christian spin one reads, desire marriage, and have been praying to God for a spouse for decades?

The majority of Christians do not want to touch this topic at all.

I wonder why that is? Are they happier sitting back complaining about society and griping about liberals and feminists than they are in actually taking constructive steps at rectifying the situation (ie, helping older singles who want marriage to get married)?

See also:

(Link): Conservative Christians Are Now Blaming Homosexual Marriage on Heterosexual Single Adults
—————————–
Related posts this blog:

(Link): More Anti Singleness Bias From Al Mohler – Despite the Bible Says It Is Better Not To Marry

(Link): Christian Teachings on Relationships: They’re One Reason Singles Are Remaining Single (even if they want to get married)

(Link): If the Family Is Central, Christ Isn’t

(Link): Article: 30 And Single? It’s Your Own Fault (say some Christians – book review of Debbie Maken marriage book)

(Link): Never Married Christians Over Age 35 who are childless Are More Ignored Than Divorced or Infertile People or Single Parents

(Link): The Netherworld of Singleness for Some Singles – You Want Marriage But Don’t Want to Be Disrespected or Ignored for Being Single While You’re Single

(Link): The Myth of the Gift – Regarding Christian Teachings on Gift of Singleness and Gift of Celibacy

(Link): Singleness is Not A Gift

(Link): Christian Males Blaming their Unwanted Protracted Singleness on Feminism – They have the wrong target

(Link): Secular Media Also Pushing Early Marriage

(Link): Christian Gender and Sex Stereotypes Act as Obstacles to Christian Singles Who Want to Get Married (Not All Men Are Obsessed with Sex)

(Link): Asexuality and Asexuals (people who are not interested in having sex, dating, or getting married)

(Link): Young Mothers Describe Marriage’s Fading Allure

(Link): How Christians Keep Christians Single (part 3) – Restrictive Gender Roles Taught as Biblical

(Link): The Nauseating Push by Evangelicals for Early Marriage

(Link): Parenting (being a parent / procreating) Does Not Necessarily Make People More Godly or Mature: News headline: Tennessee couple rented daughters for pornographic videos: police

(Link): Christians Who Attack Virginity Celibacy and Sexual Purity – and specifically Russell D. Moore and James M. Kushiner

(Link): Anti Virginity Editorial by Christian Blogger Tim Challies – Do Hurt / Shame Feelings or Sexual Abuse Mean Christians Should Cease Supporting Virginity or Teaching About Sexual Purity

(Link): Why all the articles about being Child Free? On Being Childfree or Childless – as a Conservative / Right Wing / Christian

(Link): Family as “The” Backbone of Society? – It’s Not In The Bible

(Link): Conservatives and Christians Fretting About U.S. Population Decline – We Must “Out-breed” Opponents Christian Host Says (and why the Bible does NOT support this strategy)

(Link): Fatherhood Not Quite the Producer of Manly, Mature, Godly Men Some Conservative Christians Make It Out To Be

(Link): Motherhood Does Not Necessarily Make Women More Mature, Selfless, Responsible, Or Spiritual

(Link): Motherhood Does Not Make Women More Godly or Mature (Mother Suffocates New Born and Shoves It In Toilet)

(Link): Douglas Wilson and Christian Response FAIL to Sexual Sin – No Body Can Resist Sex – supposedly – Re Celibacy

(Link): Christian TV Personality ( Jimmy Evans ) Says You Cannot Meet God’s Destiny For Your Life Without A Spouse = Anti Singleness Singlehood Singles Bias Prejudice Making Idol out of Marriage

(Link): Post by Sarah Bessey Re: Churches Ignore Never Married Older and/or Childless Christian Women, Discriminate Against Them

(Link): On Vulgar Language at This Blog

More Anti Singleness Bias From Al Mohler – Despite the Bible Says It Is Better Not To Marry

More Anti-Singleness Bias From Southern Baptist Al Mohler – Despite the Bible Says It Is Better Not To Marry

I guess Al Mohler must know better than the Apostle Paul, who wrote,

Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do (1 Corinthians)
— end quote —

Here is another Mohler hit piece on singleness (hyping marriage to the detriment of singleness, which God never does in the Bible):

(Link): Two Is Better Than One—Who Knew? – from October 4, 2013

Brief excerpt from Mohler’s page:

    • Nevertheless, married women also survive longer than unmarried women with the same disease. Even husbands really help. Single patients are far more vulnerable.

All this is testimony to the power of marriage, and to the fact that marriage is one of the greatest gifts God has given his human creatures.
–(end excerpt)–

I believe Mohler has several other obnoxious articles against singleness at his blog, that is but one.

Some of Mohler’s contentions about married people living longer and being happier have been refuted by Bella DePaulo (and by others); please see these sites:

(Link): Debunking the Myth that Married People Live Longer

(Link): Living Single

(DePaulo’s blog on Psychology Today where she frequently refutes erroneous ideas about singles and singlehood)

(Link): All Things Single (and More)

(From another source):

(Link): Unmarried and Childless Women Are the Happiest, Happiness Expert Claims (2019 Study)

By the way, where the Bible says “two is better than one,” that is not exclusive to a martial relationship only.

That phrase can refer to a brother and sister, a grandmother to her grandchild, a neighbor to another, a co-worker to another co-worker at a job, or two platonic friends.

Jesus Christ explicitly taught that placing marriage, “traditional family,” and pro-creating above the family of God is sin, and it is also misplaced, and it needlessly excludes singles (the never married adults, the divorced, the widows and widowers), and those without flesh and blood family-

Jesus Christ said:

    • “Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me” (Matthew 10)

“For I have come to turn
“‘a man against his father,
a daughter against her mother,
a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law—
a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household.” (Matthew 10: 34-36)

“If any man come to Me and hate not his father and mother, and wife and children, and brethren and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple. (Luke 14:26)

He replied to him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” 49 Pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. 50 For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.” (Matthew 12:46-50)
—(end quotes)—

I guess Mohler is totally unacquainted with the Bible.

He, like many other conservative Christians, needs to repent of making an idol out of marriage, of having children, of the 1950s nuclear family ideal, and for his blatant shaming and degradation of singleness.

He and other Southern Baptists also need to repent of the youth worship: the non-stop fixation on the teens and twenty-somethings.

I used to be a Christian teen and twenty-something and find myself quite possibly walking away from the Christian faith in my 40s, due in part to the youth worship that goes on in Southern Baptist churches (they do not care about middle aged or senior adults), and how singles (or singleness itself) are shamed, treated with scorn, or else ignored.

Mohler also incorrectly assumes (based on other comments he’s made I’ve seen in the past) that a lot of singles are intentionally remaining single: this is false.

Many of us had hoped to marry, but there (Link): were not enough single Christian men to marry, so we singles either stay single or marry Non-Christians.

As I have explained on older posts (but will not belabor here), all this harping on “rah rah, marriage is great!” (as well as gender complementarian) rhetoric is actually perpetuating protracted singleness among Christians of all ages, even among the ones who desire marriage.

Ironically, if churches supported singles and singlehood (and gender egalitarianism), more of us would be getting married.

If the Mohlers of the Christian world truly gave a damn about marriage, they would be helping singles, not disparaging singles or singlehood.

Helping singles and respecting singleness, as well as respecting celibacy in the unmarried who are past the age of 30, would help more singles get married, it would cut down on sexual sin (even among the married Christians), and it would also put a huge dent in the strides pro- homosexuality advocates have made in Christian culture, which troubles the hetero- marriage- worshippers so. These facts keep sailing right over their heads, however.

Responses to Mohler (or like-minded) by Christians, including singles:

(Link):  Singleness a Sin? by Camerin Courtney

(Link): In Response To … Al Mohler on Singleness and Childlessness

(Link): Article: 30 And Single? It’s Your Own Fault

(Link): Have We [conservative Christians, Baptists, evangelicals] Said Too Much? (About Marriage, that is)

Apparently Mohler believes job discrimination against the unmarried is ethical and “Christian” too; see this page:

From Single and Sane Blog:
(Link): The Single Pastor


Related posts, this blog:

(Link): If the Family Is Central, Christ Is Not

(Link): Unmarried and Childless Women Are the Happiest, Happiness Expert Claims (2019 Study)

(Link):  Women Who Stay Single or Get Divorced Are Healthiest by B. DePaulo

(Link):   Please Stop Shaming Me for Being Single by J. Vadnal

(Link): “Who is my mother and who are my brothers?” – one of the most excellent Christian rebuttals I have seen against the Christian idolatry of marriage and natalism, and in support of adult singleness and celibacy – from CBE’s site

(Link):  James the Single 40-Something Guy Asks 700 Club’s Pat Robertson Why Churches Don’t Help Singles

(Link): Cathy The Single Woman Asks Pat Robertson Why God Has Not Replied to Her Prayers for Years to Send Her a Spouse

(Link):  Never-Married Adult Man Named Stephen Asks Christian Host Why God Has Not Answered His 3-Decades Long Prayers To Send Him A Wife

(Link): Another Christianity Today Magazine Editorial (2019) Expects Single Women To Meet the Needs of Married Women – Christians Never Ask the Reverse

(Link):   Preacher Says in Sermon that Single Men Who Play Video Games Are Losers Who Have Retarded Spirits and This Creates Dating Problems for Women

(Link):  Salvation Army Bans Duggar / Quivering Cult’s ‘Retreat’ (Called ‘Get Them Married’) that Promoted Arranged Marriages for Teen Girls – Quivering Advocates Are Anti-Adult Singleness and Anti-Celibacy 

(Link):   How the Dating Scene Became Stacked Against Women – via CT, by Gina Dalfonzo

(Link): 60 Year Old, Never- Married Woman Asks Christian TV Host Pat Robertson If Some Are Just Not Meant to Marry

(Link): Man / Husband Shortage in Hong Kong – just like in American Christian circles

(Link): What Two Religions Tell Us About the Modern Dating Crisis (from TIME) (ie, Why Are Conservative Religious Women Not Marrying Even Though They Want to Be Married. Hint: It’s a Demographics Issue)

(Link):  Christian Blogger About Divorce, Pastor Andrew Webb, Thinks All To Most Mid-Life Never – Married or Single – Again Adults Are Mal-Adjusted, Ugly Losers Who Have Too Much Baggage

(Link): Preachers and Christian Media Personalities: Re: Marriage – You’re missing the point stop trying to argue or shame singles into getting married

(Link): When Adult Virginity and Adult Celibacy Are Viewed As Inconvenient or As Impediments [by Christians]

(Link): Ever Notice That Christians Don’t Care About or Value Singleness, Unless Jesus Christ’s Singleness and Celibacy is Doubted or Called Into Question by Scholars?

(Link): Conservative Christians Are Now Blaming Homosexual Marriage on Heterosexual Single Adults

(Link): Douglas Wilson and Christian Response FAIL to Sexual Sin – No Body Can Resist Sex – supposedly – Re Celibacy

(Link): Yes, Some Women Use and Look at Pornography (including Christian ones)

(Link): Why So Much Fornication – Because Christians Have No Expectation of Sexual Purity

(Link): Do You Rate Your Family Too High? (Christians Who Idolize the Family) (article)

(Link): Christian Response FAIL to Sexual Sin – Easy Forgivism

(Link): The Myth of the Gift – Regarding Christian Teachings on Gift of Singleness and Gift of Celibacy

(Link): Superman, Man Candy -and- Christian Women Are Visual And Enjoy Looking At Built, Hot, Sexy Men

(Link): No, Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity (Many Christians Actually -Disrespect- Virginity, Celibacy, Sexual Purity)

(Link): Married (Christian) People Aren’t More Virtuous Than Christian Singles

(Link): There is No Such Thing as a Gift of Singleness or Gift of Celibacy or A Calling To Either One

(Link): Family as “The” Backbone of Society? – It’s Not In The Bible

(Link): Christian Double Standards on Celibacy – Hetero Singles Must Abstain from Sex but Not Homosexual Singles

(Link): Christian Teachings on Relationships: One Reason Singles Are Remaining Single (even if they want to get married)

(Link): Anti Virginity Editorial by Christian Blogger Tim Challies – Do Hurt / Shame Feelings or Sexual Abuse Mean Christians Should Cease Supporting Virginity or Teaching About Sexual Purity

(Link): Are Most Churches Too Judgemental About Sexual Sin? (of the hetero variety)

(Link): Salvation By Marriage Alone – The Over Emphasis Upon Marriage by Conservative Christians Evangelicals Southern Baptists

(Link): Want To But Can’t – The One Christian Demographic Being Continually Ignored by Christians Re: Marriage

(Link): Fatherhood Not Quite the Producer of Manly, Mature, Godly Men Some Conservative Christians Make It Out To Be

(Link): Why Unmarried – Single Christians Should Be Concerned about the Gender Role Controversy

(Link): Christians Who Attack Virginity Celibacy and Sexual Purity – and specifically Russell D. Moore and James M. Kushiner

(Link): Southern Baptist Theological Seminary Leader Al Mohler Makes Tacky, Crass Sex Joke on Twitter

(Link): Christian Males Blaming their Unwanted Protracted Singleness on Feminism – They have the wrong target

(Link): The Netherworld of Singleness for Some Singles – You Want Marriage But Don’t Want to Be Disrespected or Ignored for Being Single While You’re Single

(Link): How About Using Celibates as Role Models For Celibacy? (Oddity: Christians Holding Up Non-Virgins [Fornicators] As Being Experts or Positive Examples on Sexual Purity)

(Link): Conservative Christianity Stuck in 1950s Leave it To Beaver-ville

(Link): Pastor Busted in Prostitution Sting – If Married Sex So Great Why Do So Many Married Christian Men Have Affairs

(Link): New Study Released: Cheaters: More American Married Women Admit to Adultery (links)

(Link): Un Happy Mother’s Day – universal church continues to worship parenthood, family

(Link): Grandma Smashes Infant Granddaughter to Death with SledgeHammer, Slits Infant’s Throat – Motherhood Does Not Make Women More Mature, Godly

(Link): Why all the articles about being Child Free? On Being Childfree or Childless – as a Conservative / Right Wing / Christian

(Link): Motherhood Does Not Make Women More Godly or Mature – another example – (Mother Suffocates New Born and Shoves It In Toilet)

(Link): Focus on the Family Members Practice Infidelity or Homosexuality and Get Divorced and Remarry – links to exposes
——————–
Articles / editorials on other sites:

(Link): Excellent Article by J. Watts: The Scandal of Singleness – singles / never married christian

The Society of Phineas blog on Singleness

The Society of Phineas blog on singleness

(Link): Manufacturing Singleness Part 2, from The Society of Phineas blog

There are aspects of the above blog page I agree with, and ones I do not.

I will here-after refer to this blogger as “Phineas,” though he also uses the screen name of “ballista74.”

The blogger of the above classifies Al Mohler, DeYoung and Mark Driscoll as “feminist preachers.” There is nothing feminist about Mohler or Driscoll. I don’t know DeYoung well enough to comment on him.

Mohler and Driscoll are actually anti-feminist. They are gender complementarians. They believe in strict gender roles, that women should be sweet, pretty, and passive, while males should be tough, assertive, decisive, and active.

I would not be interested in marrying a Christian man who agrees with Mohler’s or Driscoll’s views on marriage and women.

Most women, Christian and Non, find Driscoll to be a sexist pig, not a feminist who champions their causes. Saying that Driscoll is feminist would be like saying that the Coyote loves and esteems the Road Runner; it does not compute. Driscoll says things that both genders find offensive.

Christian gender complementarians such as Driscoll and Mohler are known for blaming feminism for the lack of marriages among Christians; see this post: (Link): Christian Males Blaming their Unwanted Protracted Singleness on Feminism – They have the wrong target

That Mohler and Driscoll hold young males partially responsible for the drought of marriages among Christians today is not a party line of feminism (feminists are usually anti-marriage, believing it traps women and only benefits men), and more a throw back to their incorrect interpretations of how they think the Bible discusses and defines gender roles.

I do agree with Phineas that many Christians remain blind to the fact that Christian women on occasion commit sexual sins – I would say this is due in part to inherent sexism of their complementarian gender role views.

Christian males don’t like to admit to themselves that Christian women (or Non Christian women) want sex or enjoy sex.

Male Christians like to think of married Christian women as being frigid, uninterested in sex, and reluctant sex partners who have to be cajoled or guilt-tripped into having sex with their husbands.

Witness the numerous sermons by preachers on marriage where the male preacher will usually pound it into the heads of married women in the congregation that men really like sex, so, married ladies, they are told, be sure to sexually service your husband regularly, because men really, really, really like sex!

Sex is viewed as a male activity. Women are told repeatedly that men are “visual,” so that women are pressured to stay very skinny, diet all the time, and look like fashion models day in and day out, so that their spouses will continue to find them sexually and visually appealing.

Men, especially Christian ones, are not under the same kind of pressure so far as physical appearance is concerned.

Christian men get the notion they can let themselves go and be physically repulsive looking and Christian women, they are told by pastors, will still want them sexually, so long as they are a “strong spiritual leader,” or attend church weekly, or some other ridiculous, poppycock, sentimental or churchy sounding reason.

Regarding this part of Phineas’ post:

    So I perhaps shouldn’t be too offended by all the man-up rants [directed at single Christian males], since they are in response to the women complaining about how the 10-15% of the men they do see don’t want anything to do with them.

    They don’t address how the women generally find it repulsive and disgusting to be addressed by the 85-90% that doesn’t meet their hypergamous standards. After all, if they want the Alpha Experience, they should know too that the Alpha just won’t settle down and marry, or follow after Scripture in any way.

-reeks a bit of sexism to me, in part because there are too many assumptions and generalizations about women.

Women are allowed to be attracted to whom they wish to be attracted to. It always sounds like sour grapes to me any time I see a male complaining that women are not as keen to date the less-attractive males.

From (Link): It’s Okay To Call A Guy Creepy (and a partial copy of this is (Link): located here on this blog)

    Women have a right to express that they don’t appreciate a man’s advances.

    by HUGO SCHWYZERJUN

    What SNL played for laughs, many men (and some women) took – and still take – seriously: Some men can’t win with women, these people believe, no matter what they do or say.

    This attitude is best observed in the recent backlash against calling men “creepy.” “Creep is the worst thing you can call a man,” wrote Jeremy Gordon for the Hairpin, pointing out it’s an impossible charge for a guy to disprove. As Gordon writes, “creepy is a vibe you can’t define… you just know it.”

    Others argue that “creepiness” connotes something specific: male homeliness. Men’s rights activist Robert Lindsay titled a post “Creepy” is Woman Speak for “An Unattractive Man Who Shows Interest In Me,” while Thought Catalog’s Johanna de Silentio wrote that “there are also a lot of guys who are labeled ‘creepy’ just because they happen to be really unattractive.”

    I often hear something similar in my gender studies classes. (It was in a “Men and Masculinity” course years ago where an anguished young man first drew my attention to the Brady skit.)

    Whenever the subject of sexual harassment or “creep-shaming” comes up in class, someone–almost always a man–makes the case that SNL was right: the only way for straight men to safely express sexual interest in women is to do so while following the skit’s three rules.

    With almost invariable bitterness, these young men complain that unless a guy has won striking good looks in the genetic lottery, he’s doomed to be rejected and seen as overstepping his boundaries, no matter what he does.

    …… Men’s rage about sexual harassment regulations and “creep-shaming” may well be rooted in an unwillingness to accept these cultural changes that have given women unprecedented power to say “no” to the lecherous and the predatory.

    Complaints that unattractive, socially awkward men are unfairly labeled “creepy” miss the point. “Creepy” describes having “the creeps;” it’s a word that centers on women’s own feelings.

    It’s no more “unfair” for Ashley the hypothetical barista to be “creeped out” by the advances of an older, unappealing co-worker than it is for her to be excited by the same approach from the man to whom she’s attracted.

    In that sense, the SNL sketch got to an important truth: Women’s subjective experiences and instincts matter.

I also recoil any time I see a male use the terms “alpha” or “beta” when discussing other males as on Phineas’ blog, because these terms are usually employed by embittered, women-hating males who blame feminism and women themselves for their singleness.

They are typically the guys who declare they are “nice guys” and that all women really want to date “bad boys” or perfect, really good- looking guys with a lot of money and won’t even give the “nice guy” a chance.

I’ve blogged about “nice guys” before, so I will not belabor that issue here. See these posts at my blog:
(Link): Nice Guys: Scourge of the Single Woman
(Link): Nice Guys – the bitter single men who complain women don’t like nice men

Where Phineas writes,

    There are many more things that could be pointed out. In conclusion, the feminist preachers such as Mark Driscoll, Kevin DeYoung, and Albert Mohler need to look into the mirror and see what they are doing to precipitate the results that they are noticing.

    When you do certain things within a system you create, these things always create very specific results.

    Insanity is to expect different results out of doubling down and doing the same things. The man-up rants that they write come off as complaining that what they have set up and supported is not working as they desire.

I can agree with that in- so- far as most Christian teaching on dating, sex, marriage and gender roles has contributed to keeping both genders perpetually single.

It is not that Driscoll and Mohler support misandry and “blame the males” at every turn that is solely to blame for protracted singleness among Christians, but that Christians, at the root of it, are

1. afraid of fornication (pre-marital sex)

and some Christians are

2. beholden to traditional gender roles (they fear or hate feminism)

I see in another post at Phineas’ site ((Link): Some Problems in Christian Dating) that he does acknowledge that Christian fear of pre-marital sex drives a lot of the absurd teaching on dating that singles receive.

Points 1 and 2 above drive a lot of the ridiculous dating advice that Christian singles receive, an issue I have covered on this blog before, in posts such as (and I’m tossing in a few related topics here)…

(Link): Christian Teachings on Relationships: They’re One Reason Singles Are Remaining Single (even if they want to get married)

(Link): Christian Males Blaming their Unwanted Protracted Singleness on Feminism – They have the wrong target

(Link): Being Equally Yoked: Christian Columnist Dan Delzell Striving to Keep Christian Singles Single Forever

This is hosted on another blog:
(Link): Feminism, Singleness, And The Idol Of The Nuclear Family

(Link): How Christians Keep Christians Single (part 3) – Restrictive Gender Roles Taught as Biblical

(Link): Magical Christian Thinking: If you have pre-marital sex you won’t get a decent spouse

As for Phineas’ part 1 (Link:) Manufacturing Singleness Part 1, I think he blames single women too much and unfortunately plays into some stereotypes about singles that marrieds possess (I’m not sure if Phineas is single or married).

Notice Phineas refers to older single women as being “bitter.”

Phineas also errs in assuming that older singles “have baggage,” which is another stereotype of singles. The truth is that all people of all ages, both married and single, have “baggage.”

Ironically, some of us, as we age, lose whatever “baggage” we had at one time; particularly is this true for females, most of whom learn to accept themselves by the time they reach age 40.

I spent childhood to my late 30s not knowing who I was and being deeply insecure. I now know who I am and what I want in life and am not afraid to go after it anymore. I lost baggage. I would actually make a healthier martial partner now than when I was in my 20s or 30s.

Quoting Phineas:

    This is nothing different that hasn’t been seen in the culture. Women go off and do their own thing, usually career, but other ministry things, too. They do these things with the expectation that they can find marriage at any time they would like in their lives.

    It is well known that the available pool of candidates for marriage decreases considerably as one ages. Marriage is just not a priority for these women, but when it comes time that they find that there just aren’t candidates out there.

    Or they are so set in their ways and their own desires, that they just can’t find anyone to go along with them and get bitter and angry because they couldn’t have their own perfect romance like all the other women around them.

    Then they always have more chance to get baggage that would keep them from getting married.

It is simply the nature of American culture (and likely British, Canadian, and Aussie culture) that people no longer marry fresh out of high school or early college years, like they used to do. Women should not be blamed for this situation, but they are, as you can see in Phineas’ quotes above.

It’s not so much that women deliberately chose to remain single in their late 20s, mid 30s and older.

Honestly, a woman today has no choice but to go out and live life and hold a job down to be able to pay rent.

What do bloggers such as Phineas expect a woman to do, marry at age 18? I was too insecure and in some ways, too immature, to be married so young. I’m not the same person I am in my early 40s that I was in my early twenties. Had I married back at age 18, I seriously doubt such a marriage would have survived to my mid 30s.

If the woman cannot find a partner at age 18, is she to curl up in a ball in her closet and hope that God magically sends her a spouse?

What do you want a woman who is still un-married at ages 23, 27, 35, to do, just sit at home all day? Should a single woman (or man) not be living life in the meantime, while waiting and hoping for a spouse?

I did not get my first boyfriend until around age 27. I had fully expected to be married by my late 20s to mid 30s. Up until I got my first boyfriend at age 27, what would Phinease suggest I have done, sit about all day doing nothing?

Phineas writes,

    Given this trend, it seems the proper course is for “woman-up” rants from the evangelical feminist preachers, not man-up rants. It seems women are just expecting marriage to be there when they are ready for it, after running after being an “empowered woman”, and then are rushing the offices of these people when they aren’t finding it, complaining how men aren’t there to marry them. Then you get the man-up rants out of them because it could never ever be the chaste sinless women’s faults.

Phineas needs to realize that many of these women, the single Christian ones who are upset they arrive at age 30 to 40 still single, are not feminists who bought into “girl power” or “empowerment” messages.

Concerning marriage, Christian women are conditioned by Christian culture and preacheres to be passive and wait on a husband to appear. These Christian women are simply doing as they were taught by church, family, and preacher; they did not opt for feminism or career over husband.

I have seen population statistics which indicate that for about every unmarried Christian man at age 40, there are three or four unmarried Christian females.

In other words, there is only one male to go around for every three or four women.

Complaining and bitching about feminism and so on does nothing to change the numbers. Even had all those age 40 women been willing, able, and ready to marry a man when they were at age 21, there were NO MEN IN EXISTENCE FOR THEM TO MARRY.

I was raised to be a “gender complementarian” from the time I was a girl. I honestly tried to buy into the traditional gender role nonsense, but rejected it by the time I was in my late 30s or so.

In my teens and twenties, I knew if I married, I’d do my best to be the stereotypical June Cleaver, Christian submissive wife that the anti-feminist Christians constantly lecture at women they ought to be.

So, even though I was a sweet, submissive, nice, lady-like Christian girl – who was a virgin and still am a virgin – I did not get a husband.

Most churches I went to did not have single Christian men my age.

I was never on a feminist power trip, and neither are many of the other Christian women who find themselves mid- thirties or older and still not married.

The entire Christian, female gender should not be blamed for an entire cultural shift, much of which took place before we were born or while we were children.

Further, we Christian ladies are raised from girl-hood to believe in ‘Magical Marriage,’ this is, that if you are good, pray to Jesus, and have faith in God, that God will simply send you your Christian husband in a timely fashion.

I was told that nice Christian girls wait on God’s timing for a spouse, that Christian women do not pursue men, that we are to wait passively (though I did go to singles events at churches and so on).

Christian women are told to pray and wait for God to provide a spouse. But then, no husband ever arrives. This is painful for a lot of Christian women who were sincerely trusting God for a spouse – but here Phineas is lashing out at such women on his blog, as though they are at fault, when they are not.

If Phineas is angry at man-bashing preachers, such as Mark Driscoll, he needs to save his vitriol for Driscoll, instead of blaming, shaming, or complaining about single Christian women.

Phineas wrote,

    2. Unrealistic expectations from women for the perfect man for them are not challenged by the feminist preachers.

    …So given this, it seems women are rejecting men that are “good enough” in the sight of God to be her husband for the absolute perfect man, who does not exist.

And that could just as easily read,

    2. Unrealistic expectations from men for the perfect woman for them are not challenged by the gender complementarian preachers.

    …So given this, it seems men are rejecting women that are “good enough” in the sight of God to be his wife for the absolute perfect woman, who does not exist.

I’ve said it before, but a lot of single Christian men, despite being ugly, dweeby, dorky, poor, weird, stupid, socially awkward, fat, or bald, all expect to marry a skinny pretty movie star look-alike, and Christian preachers uphold this unrealistic entitlement attitude by telling women in their congregations things such as, “men are visually wired and like sex, so ladies, be sure to stay thin and pretty and act like a minx in the bed room!”

One never hears preachers saying, “Remember men, women like buff, hot, muscular men with a full head of hair, so attend the gym weekly, get a “six pack,” and use some Rogaine.”

Preachers refuse to acknowledge that women have sexual desire, which I find insulting… well, they will acknowledge on occasion that un-married women have a libido, as they assume (insultingly and incorrectly) that all single women are harlots who fornicate regularly and who are just dying at the chance to bed married men.

Preachers assume that married women, though, are as pure as the freshly drive snow, or are totally un-interested in sex, because, they feel, married women only want “emotional intimacy.”

The bottom line is that both genders face insulting stereotypes from each other, from preachers, from Christians, and in society. Both genders face hurdles in the world of dating. Neither men nor women have it easy in getting dates or spouses, and it is neither wholly the fault of women, men, or feminism.
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Related post this blog

(Link): Trends in male employment may not bode well for marriage (article)

Dude Arguing for Legalization of Prostitution Uses Same Rationale as Christians Concerning Celibacy and Sexual Purity

Dude Arguing for Legalization of Prostitution Uses Same Rationale as Christians Concerning Celibacy

LOL. Ironic. On (Link): the Janet Mefferd Show-7/11/2013, she quotes some (Non Christian?) guy who says he wants prostitution legalized. His basis for this is in part because everywhere people go through out their day, they see sexy sexified sexually alluring sexy images, on billboards, in magazines, and on television.

He feels this creates an expectation in people, and they have a right to get that expectation met via sex, and from prostitution, if they don’t have a spouse. He feels it is unrealistic or mean to expect people to control their urges, or to ask them to deny their sexual urges.

Radio host Mefferd, who is a Christian, mocked this guy for all this, and she mocked the plight of the hypothetical guy the pro-prostitution guy was using – that is, a guy who is single, sexually frustrated, and lonely.

Understand I’m not a fan of prostitution, but I do think Mefferd needs to be a bit more sympathetic to the struggles older singles face.

It’s not loving or compassionate to mock and ridicule the fact that a lot of singles are lonely and want to have sex, but have nobody to have sex with, or nobody to share their life with.

Mefferd happens to be married by the way, with two or three kids, so I would assume she is not lonely and is getting her sexual needs met. It’s oh so easy for married people such as her, who are in what I would assume, is a relatively healthy marriage, to mock singles or their plight.

Anyway, the funniest, or saddest, thing about this Non-Christian’s guy’s rationale for the legalization of prostitution is the very same one preachers and Christian dating advice writers give for why celibacy and virginity among adults is unrealistic, or
2. for the defeatist attitude among even conservative Christians these days, that
a. since anyone and everyone is fornicating, or
b. that since nobody can resist sexual urges and will eventually fornicate,
we might as well teach an, “Oh well, so you fell down and blew it sexually, God forgives sexual sin, just call yourself a “born again virgin” now, and all is well” philosophy.

Non-Christian- prostitution- supporter guy, who Mefferd was mocking on her program, was only saying the same exact thing Christian preachers, Christian TV personalities, and Christian bloggers have been saying the last few decades: nobody can expect anyone to withstand sexual temptation, so we might as well [insert solution here for each respective party] and we should give up on the idea of sexual purity, celibacy, and virginity.

Hell, self- professing Christians nowadays, such as “emergents,” the liberals, and apparently popular Christian blogger Rachel Held Evans, have apparently given up on Christian teachings and standards of sexual purity,
1. deeming Christian sexual purity teachings too hurtful to the feelings of women who may have been molested when they were three years old by Uncle Fred; or
2. are considered too hurtful or shaming by women who diddled their college sweetie 25 years ago; or,
3. such teachings on purity should be abandoned because society tends to be more forgiving of males that diddle than they are of females.

Nobody, not even most Christians, believes in celibacy or virginity anymore.

Conservative Christians, emergent Christians, liberal Christians, and Non Christians only come up with different solutions or approaches to sex, or how to deal with the aftermath of sex (e.g., unplanned pregnancy, men who won’t commit to marriage, etc).

I don’t see anyone saying, “Hey you, with the burning groin o’ lust: I know you want to have sex, but that doesn’t mean you have to cave in and do it.”

Your dippy, simplistic Southern Baptists such as Al Mohler, or Christian think tanks and groups, such as Focus on the Family, and other blockhead conservatives would say, “Just get married if you want to have sex!”

Yeah, dumb ass, and how do singles who want marriage go about doing that? Can single women order a groom off a shopping site online? No, they can’t. Getting a spouse is not easy. Singles cannot snap their fingers and make a spouse appear. Even going to social functions or joining a dating site does not guarantee a date, let alone a spouse.

So, pro-prostitution guy’s position concerning sex is not any different from most Christians I see these days: there is no expectation that people can stay virgins past age 25-30 or stay celibate.

(Link): Douglas Wilson and Christian Response FAIL to Sexual Sin – No Body Can Resist Sex – supposedly – Re Celibacy

(Link): Famous Historical Christian Figure Expects Everyone To Fail At Sexual Purity

(Link): Christian Response FAIL to Sexual Sin – Easy Forgivism

(Link): Emergent Christian Guy Says Christians Need to “Celebrate Pre Marital Sex” (Fornication)

(Link): No, Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity

The Types of Christian Singles Who Annoy Me

The Types of Christian Singles Who Annoy Me: The Perpetually Sunny Happy Christian Single Who Is Totally Thrilled With Singleness; The Condescending Single Who Brays “Jesus is all you need, your earthly happiness doesn’t matter”; or the Single Who Is Too Spiritual About Singleness

I. The Perpetually Sunny Happy Christian Single Who Is Totally Thrilled With Singleness And Doesn’t Understand Why You Can’t Be Too

To clarify something: there are times when I feel relieved about being single, and there are other times it bothers me. I’m not wholly on one side of the fence or the other.

I was just saying (Link): in a post yesterday I get very pissed off and annoyed over these sunny attitude, Rose-colored- glasses- wearing unmarried women (sometimes men, but it’s normally a woman) who go on and on in their editorials for Christian singles about how they are golly gee whiz happy-happy to be single, they love living for just Jesus by golly!, and they say they cannot wrap their heads around singles who think that singlehood sometimes sucks. They think everyone should be as happy-happy with singleness as they are.

The fact is, some of us are not always happy with singleness 100% of the time, and your constant sunniness about it is unrealistic, irritating, doesn’t acknowledge the pain some of us go through at times, and by being so dang chipper about singleness, you’re sort of denying how most churches and denominations ignore or belittle singles.

II. The Super Spiritual Christian Single Who Likes to Say Over and Over: “Jesus and My Bible is All I Need and To Want Anything Else is Inappropriate, Especially In Church” (Single Who Is Too Spiritual About Singleness)

These are usually the ones who pipe up in blog comments in articles for singles who say church is for worship of the Lord and Bible devotions only, that’s all THEY want when they go to a church, they say they are deeply offended when “Brother Hank” or “Sister Sally” tries to play match- maker for them.

And, they say, singles should not be using church to find a mate, because that’s turning church into a “meat market.” And remember, according to them, church is for worship and Bible reading and study only, nothing else.

If you are the kind of single who wants to view church as a Bible study only, fine for you, but don’t sit there and lecture myself and Christian singles that it’s wrong for another Christian person to use church to meet a mate.

There are other reasons for the creation of the church besides worship, Bible reading, the Great Commission, and helping African orphans.

Continue reading “The Types of Christian Singles Who Annoy Me”

Southern Baptist Theological Seminary Leader Al Mohler Makes Tacky, Crass Sex Joke on Twitter

Southern Baptist Theological Seminary Leader Al Mohler Makes Tacky, Crass Sex Joke on Twitter

(Link): Click here to view Al Mohler Tasteless Tweet

Mohler’s tweet (and remember, this is a man who sits around admonishing and condemning other people about their sexuality, sexual purity, or sex lives, or their martial status – he’s also a Neo Calvinist, if I am not mistaken):

    albertmohler
    @albertmohler
    Ahh… should I be concerned that @DennyBurk ‘s new book manuscript on sex came wrapped in plastic? http://ow.ly/i/27Knb #accountability

Mohler also has unbiblical views about procreation (see also: (Link): my previous post about Christian couples who choose to remain childless or who are infertile):

    (Source) Deliberate childlessness
    Mohler spoke in June, 2004, about married adults who choose not to have children.
    “The Scripture does not even envision married couples who choose not to have children. The shocking reality is that some Christians have bought into this lifestyle and claim childlessness as a legitimate option. The rise of modern contraceptives has made this technologically possible. But the fact remains that though childlessness may be made possible by the contraceptive revolution, it remains a form of rebellion against God’s design and order.”[18]
    Mohler has also been critical of birth control methods that prevent implantation of the fertilized egg, which he believes “involve nothing less than an early abortion,” and has attempted to bring about a new reflection on the topic within Evangelical opinion.[19]

Topics Preachers Should or Shouldn’t Mention When Discussing Singlehood

Here are a few suggestions as to what I think Christian pastors and Christian talk show hosts should (or should not) preach or discuss when addressing Christian singlehood.*

Sex, Sex, Sex and More Sex

I think sex is one topic that Christian pastors need to stay away from when talking to or about singlehood, or they need to stop lecturing about it as often as they do.

Anytime pastors or Christian personalities (such as people who host Christian television shows) do bother to address singles (usually they’re fixated on married life, unfortunately), it’s usually nothing more than to issue dire warnings about not giving in to sexual sin.

Continue reading “Topics Preachers Should or Shouldn’t Mention When Discussing Singlehood”