Sexual Purity, Virginity, and Celibacy As Product – and: Christian Myths That Are Keeping Marriage Minded Single Women Single Courtesy Dannah Gresh

Sexual Purity, Virginity, and Celibacy As Product

I didn’t intend on blogging anything more tonight, but I just made a post about modesty (this one, (Link): “Sexualizing Modesty – Christians Defeating the Purpose”). I noticed in the Right Wing Watch article linked to in that post that it mentioned Dannah Gresh.

Dannah Gresh does guest posts at The Christian Post about sexuality, where she promotes abstinence/ celibacy / chastity/ virginity, and talks about the dangers of pre-marital sex.

If I am remembering rightly, I think the first post I saw that mentioned her discussed how she had sex as a teenager but now goes around as a guest speaker at churches and schools promoting sexual purity. I believe that was what prompted me to come up with the tag for this blog of “fornicators used as sexual role models.”

I find it so absurd that Christians appear to have a preference for fornicators acting as role models for virgin youth (hiring them as speakers for youth groups about the importance of sexual purity), rather than getting an actual, literal, adult virgin who is over age 30, to give advice, write books on the topic, or act as speaker.

It is not that I am against Christians speaking up in defense of celibacy or virginity, or in pointing out that pre marital or casual sex can have negative outcomes, but this Gresh woman seems to be making a living off the entire thing, and that bothers me (like the TV preachers who pimp the Gospel for a buck).

There seems to be something a little unsavory about making a cottage industry, making profit, off promoting celibacy/ virginity/ sexual purity.

I’ve blogged about this Gresh woman before, such as:

(Link):

Fifty Shades of Feminine Hypocrisy – editorial by Gresh, discusses slut shaming, rape culture, modesty – has points I agree and disagree with

(Link): Sexual Purity Under Attack in Nation’s Schools, Says Christian Author Dannah Gresh

(Link): Christians Blaming the Woman – again: Regarding: How Women Can Make Church a Safe Place for Men by D. Gresh

(Link): How About Using Celibates as Role Models For Celibacy? (Oddity: Christians Holding Up Non-Virgins [Fornicators] As Being Experts or Positive Examples on Sexual Purity)

I think I have one or two other posts about Gresh, or that mention her, but I cannot find them at the moment.

According to my previous post, (Link): “Sexualizing Modesty – Christians Defeating the Purpose”), Gresh now has an entire web site devoted to the topic of sexual purity and/or modesty, here:

(Link): Secret Keeper Girl

That “Secret Keeper Girl” site has a link to a “store” page on it, where merchandise is being sold (as I skim the page today, there are several books by Gresh for sale).

Here is a screen cap for one of her books from that page:

Screen shot of Book Advertisement

According to (Link): the page of that site selling that book:

Discover how to get so lost in God that a guy has to seek Him to find you.

Dannah Gresh traces God’s language of love through Scripture to help you pursue your heart’s deepest desires and seek love the way God designed it to be. Because once you identify your true longings and let God answer them, you’ll know just how to respond when romantic love comes along.

With a guided ten-day Love Feast Challenge, Get Lost will help you see for yourself how getting lost in God opens the door to lifelong fulfillment.

Sigh. This is similar to the sort of thing I read and often heard as a teen-aged Christian girl and into my twenties (in no particular order, and some Christians imply it more than state it out right): be such a faithful, good, sexually pure Christian girl, put God first in your life, put other people first, and in due time, God will send a Christian Mr. Right your way.

And, if you have followed this blog, you already know my story: I’m over 40, was engaged, still a virgin, and never married, though I had wanted to be.

I certainly did all the things Christians advise young ladies to do who hope for marriage: I put God first, lived a clean life style, prayed to God for a spouse, waited, attended church, etc. etc. etc. And yet, I am still single.

Upon reflection, I think I should have pursued marriage. Not sat back, crossing my fingers, hoping God would act and send me Mr. Right.

Christians Blaming the Woman – again: Regarding: How Women Can Make Church a Safe Place for Men by D. Gresh

Christians Blaming the Woman – again: Regarding: How Women Can Make Church a Safe Place for Men by D. Gresh

Here’s the link, with my comments below the excerpts from the article.

BTW, this is written by the same woman who wrote (Link): the page referenced to in this blog post.

(H/T to “Stuff Christian Culture Likes” Facebook group, which is where I first saw this mentioned.)

By the way. If married sex is so hot – as evangelicals and other conservative Christians often claim, which they do to propagandize youth to retain virginity until marriage- then a married man should be satisfied with his wife and his wife alone and would not even notice if a woman walks by with naked boobs hanging out of her blouse.

These lame-o, quasi-sexist editorials telling women to dress modestly should not be necessary if Christian married sex propaganda were true.

(Link): How Women Can Make Church a Safe Place for Men, by Dannah Gresh

Excerpts:

Please understand that my husband, Bob, is a godly man in full-time Christian ministry. Like most men, though, he is subject to visual temptation.

Christian psychologist Mark Laaser estimates that 30 percent of Christian pastors and leaders struggle with pornography. Among Christian men in general, more than 60 percent are estimated to struggle with continual sexual compulsions of some type.

Those are scary numbers. I wouldn’t share them with you if they hadn’t been substantiated repeatedly.

My husband’s ministry involves helping men of all ages live lives of mental purity—a battle he himself wages daily. Bob gets into the faces of other men and asks them to name the specific distractions they need to remove from their lives in order to live in sexual integrity.

You’d expect them to name temptations such as the Internet, R-rated movies, magazine covers, even the giant Victoria’s Secret display ads in the mall. But sadly, they often point to a surprisingly different pit—and they fall into it every Sunday.

“I’m struggling with the way women dress in church,” they groan. They are specific in adding those two words—in church—because the location is what makes them feel so vulnerable.

Here was my reply that I left on the page:

I’m a visually oriented female. Shouldn’t Christian publications be telling males to dress modestly so as not to cause me, their sister in Christ, to stumble? (It’s a false proposition that only males are visually stimulated, but Christians keep teaching this view.)

Or, maybe Christian publications like this can explain that a man is responsible for his own thought life and sexual behavior, just like I am when I get a glimpse of one of my movie actor crushes, Hugh Jackman, shirtless in X-Men films? (hubba hubba)

Or should we all write Mr. Jackman and tell him to keep his shirt on so as not to cause me to stumble? Should Mr. Jackman be made responsible for my thoughts or actions?

I also have to point out that there is no universally agreed upon criteria for what constitutes “modest attire.” The most conservatively dressed Christian woman in America in a full length skirt and frilly, long sleeved blouse would be considered a scantily clad harlot and bimbo in Muslim-based nations that require women to wear head to toe burkas.

Here in America, I’ve had men make passes at me and make cat calls at me while I was wearing baggy, sloppy shorts or pants and no make-up, while other guys get turned on when I’m in a slinky, sexy dress.

Yet other men have hit on me when I have some make up on and casual, modest clothing, such as a T shirt and jeans. What one man considers “modest” another considers oh so sexy.

A woman can not dress to prevent any and all men from getting the hots, getting turned on, and drooling.

Christians need to put the onus where it belongs: on men for sexual sin if they are the ones finding themselves falling.

Good comment by someone on the SCCL group (Link): thread about the editorial:

comment by Amanda Welker

[Welker quoting Gresh]
“He can’t help it. It’s a simple fact of visual science!”
“When a guy gets “intoxicated,” his body can’t help but react.”
“God created him to be visually stimulated.”
“Yet many Christian women contribute to the hanging Sunday after Sunday.”

From what the author is saying, I think God is the one who contributes to a man’s hanging Sunday after Sunday for creating men in such a way.

Maybe the article should be titled “How God Can Make Church a Safer Place for Men” and implore God to change the wiring of man.

But nah, let’s make women the scapegoat again and shame them for simply existing.

Other pertinent remarks from that group thread:

by Val Auston

Quoting Gresh:
“Among Christian men in general, more than 60 percent are estimated to struggle with continual sexual compulsions of some type.”

When you’re told every natural, biological response is sinful and wrong, you’re going to have hang ups and view normal response as compulsion.

Fifty Shades of Feminine Hypocrisy – editorial by Gresh, discusses slut shaming, rape culture, modesty – has points I agree and disagree with

Fifty Shades of Feminine Hypocrisy – editorial

This editorial had some points I agreed with but some I did not. Under this long excerpt are rebuttals by a reader of this editorial on Christian Post.

(Link): Fifty Shades of Feminine Hypocrisy, by Dannah Gresh

Excerpts:

April 16, 2014|4:39 pm
Recently, modesty proponents have been accused of promoting “rape culture” by both faith-based and mainstream bloggers and columnists. The thinking, led by secular third wave feminists, asserts that discussing modesty “sexualizes women” which in turn contributes to rape crimes.

During the same time period over 100 million readers made E.L. James’ Fifty Shades of Grey the fastest-selling paperback of all time. Barna research reports no statistical difference in the percentage of Christian women versus the general public reading the series, which glamorizes sexual violence against women. The Christian media has been largely silent on this issue.

As a leader in both the modesty movement and the fight against women being victimized by pornography and erotica, I find the Christian response to reveal a tragic double standard.

Does teaching modesty promote “rape culture”? A better question to begin with is this: does “rape culture” even exist?

Last month, a TIME Magazine article declared that it was “Time To End Rape Culture Hysteria.” Writer Caroline Kitchens championed the report of the nation’s leading anti-sexual violence organization, RAINN, which rebuked the overemphasis on the concept of “rape culture” as a means of preventing rape, citing that 90% of rapes on college campuses are committed by 3% of the male population. RAINN argues that rape is the product of individuals who have decided to disregard the overwhelming cultural messages that rape is wrong.

The fact is rape crime is on the decline.

…. The RAINN report argues that the trend towards focusing on cultural factors “has the paradoxical effect of making it harder to stop sexual violence, since it removes the focus from the individual at fault, and seemingly mitigates personal responsibility for his or her own actions.”

… The “rape culture” idea is a feminist dogma implying that ultimately all women are victimized by men. This monolithic generalization paralyzes us from focusing together on how we can continue the good work of reducing the number of victims.

The reduction would begin by cancelling out the fallacious “victim” label placed on those who’ve been encouraged to dress modestly. Case in point is the current verbal riot occurring over an Evanston, Illinois public school dress code, which showcases well how harmful the “rape culture” vultures can be. Under allegations that the school recently banned leggings and yoga pants, feminists accused the district of “slut shaming” girls.

…And there’s nothing wrong with teaching Christian girls and women that God wants nothing they wear to distract from the good works they do and the great minds God’s given to them. In fact, from a biblical perspective it’s very right.

…This same sad dichotomy is seen in the Christian dialogue with bloggers fueling the self-proclaimed “evangelistic” rhetoric of third wave feminists under the guise of Christian socialism, while those on the front lines as activists-teaching girls and women to respect themselves by training them in the biblical concepts of modesty and purity, and binding the wounds of those victimized by porn and erotica-take the blows of their hollow arguments.

… The Christian media should lead the charge in righting this grave double standard. That is, unless, we are going to continue to take our cues from the feminist culture, which applies “tolerance” to any sexual preference unless it lines up with God’s plan for sexuality.

Responses by readers of the editorial:

by RoyalCourt

This is one of those topics where both sides – secular feminists and Christians – get some points right, but get some points wrong. I’ve nothing against parents teaching daughters to dress modestly – however, there are some incorrect assumptions being made by Christians who teach modesty.

First of all, women are visually stimulated too, not just men, as Christians erroneously teach. There is a double standard, though, where Christians only tell women to dress modestly, but never advise young, hot sexy men with nice bods to keep their t-shirts on.

Secondly, modesty should not be taught to females in such a way to suggest that they are responsible for the male gaze or male sexual sins.

In the end scheme of things, it matters not if a buxom, nuible young thing parades naked in front of a Christian man: he is still responsible for his thought life and his actions, regardless of how a woman is dressed.

Lastly, what one man considers modest another would still consider immodest, sexy, or a “turn on.” There is no universally-agreed upon definition or dress code for what constitutes “modest,” unless Christians want to start forcing all women to wear Islamic burkas.

Sexual Purity Under Attack in Nation’s Schools, Says Christian Author Dannah Gresh

Sexual Purity Under Attack in Nation’s Schools, Says Christian Author Dannah Gresh

Before you read the link/ editorial below, please see my previous post:

(Link, previous post at Christian Pundit Blog): The Contemporary Church Undervalues Celibacy / Virginity

(Link): (“Sexual Purity Under Attack”)

I can’t get too excited about the page or the efforts, because once again, all the concern is for the under- age- 25 demographic.

Christians don’t give a rat’s ass about anyone who is actually a virgin, still unmarried past the age of 30. Regardless, here are a few excerpts from the page (click the link to read the whole article):

By Melissa Barnhart, May 11, 2013

Dannah Gresh, a best-selling author and advocate for the sexual purity movement, was a featured speaker at this year’s TEDxPSU event at Pennsylvania State University, and spoke about sexual myths that are hurting teenagers and college students who are navigating a culture that promotes tolerance of all sexual behaviors and choices, except abstinence.

“We’re waving the banner of tolerance over the nation, but the one thing that’s not tolerated is abstinence and sexual purity,” said Gresh in an interview with The Christian Post on Wednesday. “Something parents don’t understand is that their teenagers are living in an age where virginity isn’t tolerated.”