“Jesus Didn’t Die to Save My Hymen” Declares An Anti-Sexual Purity Advocate – My Response

“Jesus Didn’t Die to Save My Hymen” Declares An Anti-Sexual Purity Advocate – My Response

I have addressed topics similar to this before on my blog, so instead of re-hashing all my previous points and arguments, I may just link you to a few of my older posts farther below.

(I should perhaps mention that I’ve had a long day today, am very tired, and currently have a bad headache, so I am not in top form to compose a post right now.)

Here’s the impetus behind this post:

I was reading through my Twitter feed today and saw a post where Janet Mefferd, Christian radio host, shared a comment about how an anti-Sexual Purity article Tweeted by Christian site ‘Relevant’ was Gnostic in nature, in that it talked about ‘sexual soul purity’ vs. ‘sexual bodily purity.’

You can read Mrs. Mefferd’s Tweet (Link): here, with some responses by me below it.

Where-upon an anti-Sexual Purity advocate I follow on Twitter by the name of April, shared Ms. Mefferd’s Tweet or another related Tweet by Mefferd with the comment above it, “Jesus didn’t die to save my hymen.”

You can view April’s tweet (Link): here.

I Tweeted in response to April the following comment:

Taking an anti-sexual purity stance waters down biblical sexual ethics. I’m over 40, still a virgin.  @ April_Kelsey

Well, I don’t recall Ms. Mefferd or myself or anyone else who defends the concept of sexual purity, or who say the Bible does teach the concept of sexual purity, as saying that Jesus died to save your hymen.
Continue reading ““Jesus Didn’t Die to Save My Hymen” Declares An Anti-Sexual Purity Advocate – My Response”

Democrats Using Family Values and Religion as Platforms or Draws – UGH

Democrats Using Family Values and Religion as Platforms or Draws – UGH

If you’re new to the blog: I have been a Republican my entire life, but one who has been unhappy with the Republican Party the last few years, for various reasons, but including, their pandering to “Family Values.”

I am not against Nuclear Families, but I am opposed to the amount of attention and focus placed on the traditional family unit by Republicans, Christians, and other conservatives.

I have recently learned that the Democratic Party is now using the GOP strategy of claiming to be “pro Family Values” and speaking fondly of Christianity to appeal to voters. I cannot believe they are doing this – it’s one reason some right wingers, like myself, are tired of the GOP and most conservative churches.

Continue reading “Democrats Using Family Values and Religion as Platforms or Draws – UGH”

Gary Habermas joins Janet Mefferd to discuss dealing with doubt in the Christian life (Re: Unanswered Prayer – other issues)

Gary Habermas joins Janet to discuss dealing with doubt in the Christian life (Re: Unanswered Prayer)

Audio / podcast.

I have found that Janet Mefferd’s show does not work in Google Chrome (browser), sometimes does not work in FireFox, but DOES work in IE (Microsoft Internet Explorer browser). I loathe IE, but it’s the only browser that will play her show.

Habermas has recently written a book about faith and doubt or something, and he is interviewed by Janet Mefferd about it, as well as related questions, such as unanswered prayer, Christians who walk away from church because they have been hurt by other Christias, or they lost a loved one (to death), or they don’t feel Christianity is meeting their needs, etc.

You can listen to the interview here:
(I think this is hour 3 – there appears to be an hour 1 and hour 2):
(Fixed the link)

(Link): Podcast: Gary Habermas joins Janet to discuss dealing with doubt in the Christian life. (mentions unanswered prayer, other topics)

———————————
Related posts, this blog:

(Link): Blaming the Christian for His or Her Own Problem or Unanswered Prayer / Christian Codependency

(Link):  Unanswered Prayer and Diversity of Doctrine and Interpretation (podcasts)

(Link):  How to Deal with Unanswered Prayers via Pastor Bil Cornelius 

(Link):   When All We Hear from God is Silence by Diane Markins

(Link): On Prayer and Christ’s Comment to Grant You Anything You Ask in His Name

(Link): Church Is Not Important, 51 Percent of US Adults Say

(Link): Guilt Tripping or Shaming the Hurt Sheep to Return to Church

(Link): Quitting Church – why single Christians aren’t going to church – church has failed Christian singles

(Link): Christians Who Can’t Agree on Who The Old Testament Is For and When or If It Applies

(Link): Why People Don’t Go To Church (various links and testimonies March 2014)

Guest on Christian Radio Show, Focus on the Family’s Mr. Daly, Claims Churches and Culture Don’t Spend Enough Money and Attention on Marriage and Family – Should I Laugh or Cry?

Guest on Christian Radio Show, Focus on the Family’s. Mr. Daly, Claims Churches and Culture Don’t Spend Enough Money and Attention on Marriage and Family – Should I Laugh or Cry?

I was listening to the Janet Mefferd radio program a few days ago, and she interviewed a Christian man from some family values group, I think Focus on the Family.

Mr. Daly sounds like a nice gentleman, but he is living in an alternate reality.

I meant to blog on this earlier but pushed it aside. I think this was the show:
(Link): Janet Mefferd – Jim Daly as guest, “The Good Dad”

Daly – if I heard correctly and understood correctly said that marriage or married couples do not get enough support from churches and/or the culture.

Daly (if I recall correctly) said churches/society need to devote more time and more resources to marriage and married couples.

I just re-listened to the show.

Yes, starting at the 18:50 mark, Daly tells Ms. Mefferd (this is a paraphrase),

    Why should society cater to the one to two percent of the culture? 80 to 90% of us will marry and have children. We are the core of culture. What about us?

I’m not sure what he means by the “one or two percent.”

Does he mean never married adults? Does he mean childless married couples? Or widowers? The divorced? Homosexuals, especially the ones insisting on the legalization of homosexual marriage?

As to his 80 to 90 percent figure: I don’t think that is correct. I don’t know where he is getting that from.

Even if 80% of the American population gets married at some point, they are bound to be single again via our high divorce rates or via widowhood. But I don’t think the 80% number is correct.

Edited to add this link:

Here’s why I think his figures may be incorrect:

    According to census data released in 2005, only 23.7 percent of all Americans households are married couples with children.

  • “Faith and Family in America,” a 2005 analysis by University of Akron sociologist John C. Green, says only 18.5 percent of all families meet the traditional nuclear family ideal: married, never divorced, with children at home.
  • The largest demographic (25.6 percent) is childless couples.
  • Church leaders uphold the former model as the ideal Christian family, but the statistics indicate they are chasing the wind.
  • In some denominations, such as the Episcopal Church, fully half of the members are single. (p 93)
    ____________________________
    Source: Duin, Juila. Quitting Church.

And from census.gov,

  • Single Life
    103 million
  • Number of unmarried people in America 18 and older in 2012.
  • This group made up 44.1 percent of all U.S. residents 18 and older.
  • Source: America’s Families and Living Arrangements: 2012
    (Link): Source
  • See also
    (Link): The Changing American Family (article)

    (Link): Single? You’re Not Alone (date of article: 2010)

    Excerpt:

      There are 96 million people in the United States who have no spouse.

    • That means 43 percent of all Americans over the age of 18 are single, according to the U.S. Census Bureau.

    Continue reading “Guest on Christian Radio Show, Focus on the Family’s Mr. Daly, Claims Churches and Culture Don’t Spend Enough Money and Attention on Marriage and Family – Should I Laugh or Cry?”

    Radio Host Janet Mefferd Read My Previous Post about Marriage and Stuff, Yay!

    Radio Host Janet Mefferd Read My Previous Post about Marriage and Stuff, Yay!

    A couple of days ago I tweeted to Christian radio host Janet Mefferd in regards to her interview with the Focus on the Family talking head, about early marriage.

    The guy on the show she was talking to, Stanton, denied that preachers are encouraging something called “early marriage,” but I tweeted to let her know that yes, some preachers are in fact pushing for early marriage.

    I also explained to her that the early marriage issue fits in with the evangelical tendency to worship family and marriage.

    Janet Mefferd has a national radio program. She frequently interviews well-known Christians, including preachers and book authors.

    You can listen to her show (Link): here (Janet Mefferd show) (or by using the link on the far right, under the blog roll).

    I also tweeted Mefferd a link to (Link): this blog page by me. I wrote that blog page pretty fast, and so I’m afraid it’s rambling.

    She tweeted me back that she read it and agreed with my views about topics that were discussed on the page and agreed that a lot of Christianity has turned family into an idol.

    I appreciate the fact she read my blog page (which was so very long), and that she took time to respond to me. (I thanked her in a response tweet.)

    I hope that maybe in the future that Mrs. Mefferd might devote a few radio shows to this phenomenon – not just about early marriage, but about the plight of older, celibate singles – like ask author Julia Duin on for an interview, or other authors, such as Camerin Courtney, who have written about the stereotypes, tribulations, or neglect that older singles face in churches and Christian culture, and the backlash against virginity by evangelicals.

    I think it was very kind of Mrs. Mefferd to take the time to read my post and reply to me personally – she must be a very busy person, getting millions of tweets per day, so I was not really expecting a reply, but I got one.

    It’s also great that word is getting out about the weird, unbiblical views Christians have about marriage, singleness, dating, sex, etc.

    Mefferd Guest Focus on the Family Spokesperson Stanton Incredulous that Preachers Push Kids To Marry Early

    Mefferd Guest Incredulous that Preachers Push Kids To Marry Early

    I will be tweeting a link to this to Janet Mefferd.

    Mrs. Mefferd (if she is reading this at all!), I realize this post is way long.

    However, I would appreciate it if you would read it and really take to heart and consider what it is saying, and maybe take the time to look over the links to other materials I’ve provided. The evangelical and Baptist and Reformed churches are alienating and hurting a lot of celibate, single adults.

    And for anyone else reading, today, I am blogging about this:
    (Link): (Janet Mefferd Show) Hour 2- Glenn Stanton from Focus on the Family discusses divorce rates. AUDIO.

    Today, at least 44% of the American adult population is single [Sept 2016 update: as of 2014, according to various news sources, that figure is now 51% or higher]. This includes a big chunk of Christian women over 30, 40 who would like to marry, but marriage is not happening for them.

    Evangelicals, however, continue to ignore these singles to harp on (nuclear) family, marriage, and babies.

    And yes, Evangelicals are pushing for Early Marriage. They are not helping the over-30 singles, but ignoring them and advising 18 year olds to marry now.

    I sent Janet Mefferd (Christian radio show host) an e-mail several months ago alerting her to some of the un-biblical, strange, and insulting views of adult, celibate, Christian singles that are held and taught by married Christians – even by famous Christians, such as Southern Baptist Al Mohler – but I got no reply from her.

    I have no idea if Mrs. Mefferd read my e-mail or saw it. I used the “contact form” at her site to send her the message.

    I don’t always agree with Mrs. Mefferd on all issues, but I do like her on a personal level, I sometimes feel a bit grouchy with her if I feel she’s falling into the “family idolatry” trap that is so pervasive among evangelicals and other Christians…
    But I do appreciate that Mefferd thinks Christians should actually expect other self professing believers to walk the Christian walk.

    Because when it comes to virginity and sexual purity – though I myself am an ACTUAL virgin past my 40s (since I have not married) – I am now seeing a Christian culture that runs from ‘Laissez-faire’ on sexual ethics to bashing and attacking the concept of virginity and adult virgins themselves. Here are just a link or two (more links at end of this post):

      (Link):

    No Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity – Christians Attack and Criticize Virginity Sexual Purity Celibacy

    (Link): The Christian and Non Christian Phenomenon of Virgin Shaming and Celibate Shaming

    One of several reasons I am drifting towards agnosticism after having been a devout Christian since youth has to do with this very topic: Christians being hypocrites, especially on these sexual issues.

    Here I stayed a virgin into adulthood, trying to stay true to the faith and the Bible’s teachings (that is, I am a LITERAL virgin, not one of those fornicators who calls herself a “born again” or “spiritual” or “secondary” virgin, puh-leaze).

    And instead of getting acknowledged for remaining sexually pure into middle age (notice that mothers in churches get carnations, they get recognized, on Mother’s Day, etc, what do virgin, adult women get? Nothing, that’s what, no sermons, no flowers, nothing), nor do I get support (emotional, practical, or financial support) from Christians during my celibate, adult singleness.

    I am getting blamed and bashed for being a virgin past 40, or totally ignored (links about this below).

    False teachings about celibacy, adult singleness, and sex abound in Christendom these days, even among conservative evangelicals, but not many Christians care or even notice.

    Even when I alert other Christians to this information, they do not seem to care.

    Evangelical, Reformed, Fundamentalist, and Baptist Christians do NOT esteem virginity or celibacy for anyone who is over 25 years of age but actually attack both concepts. (Keep reading, I explain more below, with links to proof.)

    In this audio (see link to audio below), where Janet Mefferd interviews Stanton of Focus on the Family, Stanton disputes some recent findings by some study about divorce rates being higher among Protestant Christians.

    (I blogged about that study a few days ago, (Link): here).

    In this interview with Mefferd, Stanton says the researchers concluded that one reason for higher divorce rates among Protestant Christians is that Preachers encourage young people to marry early (ie, very young).

    Stanton laughed this claim off and said, “I have never heard such a thing, ha ha ha.”

    (Link): (Janet Mefferd Show) Hour 2- Glenn Stanton from Focus on the Family discusses divorce rates. AUDIO.

    But, the claim is TRUE.

    Just about a week ago, this young preacher named Deeter wrote a post encouraging people to marry young, and I wrote this rebuttal:

      (Link):

    Christian Early Marriage Position Advocates A Low View of Celibacy and Virginity and Adult Singleness – another example: Justin Deeter Blog about Early Marriage

    Yes, some preachers and branches of Christianity are most certainly advocating Early Marriage, to the point it has been editorialized about on “Christianity Today,” see:

      (Link):

    A Case Against Early Marriage by Ashley Moore (editorial from Christianity Today, excerpts on my blog)

    Other Christians, some of whom are authors, have commented on the phenomenon of preachers and churches advocating Early Marriage.
    Here are some examples (some of these pages are by me):

      (Link):

    A Response by (Christian author) Colon to (Christian) Regnerus Re: Misguided Early Marriage Propaganda

    (Link): Marrying Young – from “Stuff Christian Culture Likes,” by Stephanie Drury
    – Drury is, if I understand correctly, a former conservative evangelical, a “preacher’s kid,” who is now very liberal in her views of Christianity, but even she picked up on the “Early Marriage” trend among Christians

    (Link): The Nauseating Push by Evangelicals for Early Marriage
    (blog post by me, I think not too long after I began noticing the trend)

    Even right wing, Non Christians have jumped on the “kids should marry young” band wagon:
    (Link): Secular Media Also Pushing Early Marriage

    The reason some pastors are advocating Early Marriage is that they see high rates of fornication going on among self professing evangelical youth.

    Evangelicals, Reformed, Baptists, and other sorts of Christians, assume if they can get a teen Christian to marry at age 21, that pre marital sex will not be an issue, and that the rates or pre-marital sex among youth can be lowered.

    Continue reading “Mefferd Guest Focus on the Family Spokesperson Stanton Incredulous that Preachers Push Kids To Marry Early”

    Smalley (Focus on the Family Talking Head) Gives Interview about Talking to Children About Sex on Mefferd Show

    Smalley (Focus on the Family Talking Head) Gives Interview about Talking to Children About Sex on Mefferd Show

    The interview (given by G. Smalley from Christian group “Focus on the Family”) is rather dull, and Smalley gives rather vague, intellectual-sounding responses, none of which I perceive as being sufficient enough to convince most people to abstain from sex prior to marriage.

    One of the first falsehoods I spotted is that both Mefferd and her guest, Smalley, assume these teens they are talking about will get married one day. You know, I had hoped to be married. I assumed as young as age ten, eleven, that I’d be married by 30. I’m still not married and in my forties.

    Christian parents need to stop assuming that their kids will get married – because they might be 40, 45, 50, and still be single. So it’s not enough to think in terms of, “Oh golly, how do I convince Joe Jr. to wait until marriage for sex.” -What if Joe Jr. never meets the right woman, what if Joe Jr. grows up and never marries?

    Here’s the link to the interview:
    (Link): Greg Smalley from ‘Focus on the Family’ on How to Talk to Kids About Sex

    The part of the interview (around 12.49 – 13.00) where the guy says to the host (Mefferd) that he tells his kids about how hot his wife is (their mother) was strange.

    Smalley was saying he was using this method to model to his children how it’s important to wait ’til marriage to have sex. I’m not sure how emphasizing to your kids, if you are a married parent, how “hot” their mother is can convince them to remain celibate.

    I also believe that Smalley’s view on this matter is unwittingly upholding the Christian falsehood that marriage will always entail regular, hot, satisfying sex (see all the posts on this blog of numerous stories of people who were virgins until marriage, but the sex was either lousy or infrequent, or both lousy AND infrequent).

    Continue reading “Smalley (Focus on the Family Talking Head) Gives Interview about Talking to Children About Sex on Mefferd Show”

    Janet Mefferd Concedes In One Radio Show that Christians “Lose Jesus” in all the “Family Values” Talk and Emphasis / Also FIC and Youth Worship

    Janet Mefferd Concedes In One Radio Show that Christians “Lose Jesus” in all the “Family Values” Talk / Also FIC and Youth Worship

    —-PART 1. CHRISTIANS TURNING FAMILY INTO IDOL —-

    I e-mailed Ms. Mefferd (or is it Mrs?) several months ago to let her know about how terrible Christian culture treats singles; she had a guest on her show who made it sound as though all Christian singles are deliberately staying single, and Mefferd seemed to agree with that view.

    I wrote to Mefferd to correct this view point. I was polite. I let her know that many Christian singles desire marriage but are unable to find a Christian partner to marry.

    Still others choose not to marry, which is fine too, and it is a choice that should be respected.

    The Bible does NOT command people to marry and procreate.

    Marriage (and hence baby making) is depicted in the New Testament as being OPTIONAL and left up to each individual. It is not something God commands of people.

    I have also noted in worry in past posts on this blog that Mrs. Mefferd (like many social conservative Christians) commits the error of making much ado about “family values,” which not only needlessly excludes singles, the divorced, the widowed, and childless, but which tends to make an idol out of family, something the Bible teaches AGAINST.

    The Bible calls believers to full allegiance to Jesus Christ and Christ’s agenda, not to the “nuclear family” (and not to endlessly engaging in culture wars: ranting against liberalism and homosexuality).

    Christ nowhere taught that it is the agenda of His followers to rally around and promote the “traditional family.”

    Allegiance to Christ is painted in the New Testament as Christians supporting other Christians (who may not be related to them by flesh and blood) emotionally and financially, and secondly, to spreading the Gospel to Non Christians.

    The New Testament does not teach Christians to constantly fight with the godless heathen over abortion, homosexual marriage, promoting the nuclear family, and other such topics.

    Perhaps Ms. Mefferd caught my e-mail and that is what prompted her to re-evaluate the obsession with Christians defending the Traditional Family, I don’t know.

    However I was encouraged to hear in a recent broadcast she stopped to criticize the American evangelical obsession with “family” to say something like, “Jesus gets lost in all the family value rhetoric Christians bandy about.”

    And she was angry about it, you could hear it in the tone of her voice. Good for her.

    I can’t recall exactly which show it was on, but it was a late Sept 2013 or early October one.

    Whatever episode it was, her comments about “Jesus being lost in Christian emphasis on family” begin around the 29 minute or 30.05 mark (I jotted down the time on a piece of paper on my desk).

    I think it may have been in this show, but I’m not sure:
    (Link): Janet Mefferd Show-10/2/2013 / Janet talks with Peter LaBarbera from Americans for Truth.

    -Even if it’s not that show with the particular comments by Mefferd, the guy on the show whom she interviews mentions at the 36.45 mark that fornication is wrong (sex between a man and woman not married).

    However he notes it has become incredibly politically incorrect to speak out against fornication these days.

    I have noticed this too, even from Christian people on Christian blogs; I have met so-called Christians on Christian sites who think it’s judgmental to point out that pre marital sex is sinful, and they want to erase the word “fornication” from the vernacular, or they make fun of the term as being stody, old fogey, and judgmental.

    I hope in the future Ms. Mefferd has her eyes opened to the bigger picture as it concerns this topic, that the evangelical, Christian fundamentalist, and Baptist idolization of marriage and procreation (having babies) goes AGAINST what Jesus taught, and it also marginalizes the never married, the divorced, infertile couples, and widowers and widows.

    And when, or if, her eyes are opened, I hope she begins devoting radio programs exposing it.

    There is nothing wrong with wanting a family, wanting marriage, or with Christians occasionally refuting liberal anti-traditional marriage points – that is all well and good…

    However, Christians have taken things to the extreme, to the point if a Christian does not marry and pop out 2.3 children by the time they are 30 years of age (if at all), they are ostracized by most churches.

    And Jesus warned against that very thing!

    Jesus did not teach that his kingdom was to be built by Christians marrying other Christians and popping out babies.

    —-PART 2. YOUTH WORSHIP —-

    On another recent show, Mefferd interviewed a FIC church guy (Scott Brown from the National Center for Family-Integrated Churches) who argues against Sunday School. He thinks kids should be included in the main worship service of churches.

    Here is a link to that podcast – but I’m not sure if this is the one with the comments where she criticizes family worship:
    (Link): Mefferd podcast – Hour 3- Janet discusses youth ministry with Scott Brown from the National Center for Family-Integrated Churches.

    I am wary of FIC (Family Integrated Church) people because they idolize the family.

    See for instance these posts on this blog:

    However, I do agree with the guy in the Mefferd interview that many churches are too keen to win over the youth, and when this mentality takes over a church, that pretty soon, the youth culture spills into the church at large, where even services intended for adults starts reeking of a Metallica, Miley Cyrus, or Justin Bieber concert, with guitars and laser shows, with the preacher wearing a goatee and skinny jeans, all trying to be cool and hip for the kids.

    The end result of trying to make church into a rock concert, or trying to make it trendy or “cool,” to attract the teens is that the people over 25 and 30 feel weird, left out, overlooked, and out of place.

    So some of these people over ages of 25, 35, 40, stop attending. Sermons become really shallow and flippant and takes a backseat to the entertainment spectacle.

    I am glad the FIC guy recognizes that catering to the youth ruins Christianity at large, I just wish FIC people would stop idolizing the family, because not everyone is married with a kid.
    ———————-
    Related posts this blog:

    (Link): Youth Fixation in Churches and how it alienates older Christians

    (Link): Refreshing: Christian Researcher Disputes that Youths Are Leaving Churches in Droves, Disagrees that Churches Should Be Family Focused

    (Link): Getting People Back to Church / Christian Event Targeting ‘Apathetic’ Youth *BARF*

    (Link): Ignatius the Ultimate Youth Pastor & Teaching Christian Singles About Sex (humor – but it does a great job criticizing church obsession with youth)

    Focus on Family spokesperson, Stanton, actually says reason people should marry is for ‘church growth’

    Focus on Family spokesperson, Stanton, actually says reason people should marry is for ‘church growth’

    Around the 17 or 18 minute mark of the Mefferd show (see link below), Stanton talks about how married people are more likely to attend church.

    That is because churches fixate on married couples and marriage itself, which excludes, hurts, angers, and offends plenty of single adults past the age of 30, so we stop attending church.

    Stanton seems to assume that going to church is what leads to an increase in marriage, or causes people to marry in the first place, but it has the reverse effect: church services make singles stop attending, who then have to resort to using e-Harmony to meet dates (when they should be able to meet mates at church).

    If churches want to increase their numbers, they need to attract and keep never-married, widowed, and divorced adults over age 30, which means, churches need to stop being so obsessed with marriage and need to offer more sermons and services geared towards single adults.

    Stanton then actually tells the host, Mefferd, that to increase church growth/ attendance, that Christians should encourage young people to marry and settle down as a “church growth strategy.”

    The Bible alludes to the purpose of marriage being to get one’s sexual needs met as well as for companionship, but I cannot recall any passages that talk about God wanting people to get married to increase the members of local churches.

    (The link to the show is below so you can hear it for yourself, his comment is around the 17 or 18 minute mark).

    Where does the Bible teach that church growth should come from telling young people to get married? It does not.

    The Bible actually says you are supposed to grow the church by telling Non Christians about the Gospel.

    ‘Church growth by marriage’ sounds like rank heresy to me, it’s at least NOT biblical teaching.

    (Link): Janet Mefferd Show-9/23/2013 / Janet talks with Glenn Stanton from Focus on the Family

    —————————–
    Related posts this blog

    (Link): Good Grief! Five Million Dollar Family Idoltary on Display: Focus on the Family Launches $5 Million Project Targeting Family Breakdown, Social Ills – Please, when you say you support marriage, be honest about what you REALLY mean

    (Link): Religion Runs in the Family (article – kid obsession more evidence of Christian Family Idolatry)

    (Link): Focusing on the Family Causes Church Decline

    (Link): Focus on the Family advice columnist perpetuates stereotypes about single women

    (Link): Family as “The” Backbone of Society? – It’s Not In The Bible

    (Link): Conservatives and Christians Fretting About U.S. Population Decline – We Must “Out-breed” Opponents Christian Host Says

    (Link): Are Fundamentalists Aiming to Out-Breed Secular America?

    (Link): Misapplication of Biblical Verses About Fertility (also mentions early marriage) – a paper by J. McKeown

    (Link): Why all the articles about being Child Free? On Being Childfree or Childless – as a Conservative / Right Wing / Christian

    (Link): Cultural Discrimination Against Childless and Childfree Women – and link to an editorial by a Childless Woman

    (Link): Bay-Bees – Have them, have lots of them and NOW, no matter what say some Christians

    (Link): Focus on the Family having financial problems – aw, too bad (not!)

    (Link): Christians and Churches Discriminate Against Unmarried People / Singles

    (Link): Never Married Christians Over Age 35 who are childless Are More Ignored Than Divorced or Infertile People or Single Parents

    (Link): If the Family Is Central, Christ Isn’t

    (Link): Salvation By Marriage Alone – The Over Emphasis Upon Marriage by Conservative Christians Evangelicals Southern Baptists

    Dr. Miriam Grossman discusses the history of sex ed in schools. (radio show)

    Dr. Miriam Grossman discusses the history of sex ed in schools

    About the half way mark of the audio, Mefferd mentions that in today’s sleazy, easy, sex culture, the only thing considered sexually abnormal is being a virgin until you are married – I agree with her on that.

    I have met a very small number of Non Christians (who I became friends with) who are honestly respectful of the fact I am a virgin into my 40s due to personal convictions, but by and large, most people, Christian and Non, act like 40- year- old- virgins are weird, losers, freaks, abnormal, or losers.

    Even churches, preachers, and other Christians do not generally support virginity in older Christians/ Non Christians. They too will act like you are a weirdo freak, they act like God approves only of marriage, sex, and reproducing.

    Online radio show where you can hear Mefferd’s comments:
    (Link): Hour 1- Dr. Miriam Grossman discusses the history of sex ed in schools.
    ——————————
    Related posts, this blog

    (Link): NOTICE and WARNING: On Vulgar Language at This Blog

    (Link): No Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity

    (Link): On the Janet Mefferd Radio Show: Still Too Much Concern About ‘Family’

    (Link): Dude Arguing for Legalization of Prostitution Uses Same Rationale as Christians Concerning Celibacy and Sexual Purity

    (Link): Are Christians Tossing Out Prohibitions Against Pre Martial Sex (radio show)

    Dude Arguing for Legalization of Prostitution Uses Same Rationale as Christians Concerning Celibacy and Sexual Purity

    Dude Arguing for Legalization of Prostitution Uses Same Rationale as Christians Concerning Celibacy

    LOL. Ironic. On (Link): the Janet Mefferd Show-7/11/2013, she quotes some (Non Christian?) guy who says he wants prostitution legalized. His basis for this is in part because everywhere people go through out their day, they see sexy sexified sexually alluring sexy images, on billboards, in magazines, and on television.

    He feels this creates an expectation in people, and they have a right to get that expectation met via sex, and from prostitution, if they don’t have a spouse. He feels it is unrealistic or mean to expect people to control their urges, or to ask them to deny their sexual urges.

    Radio host Mefferd, who is a Christian, mocked this guy for all this, and she mocked the plight of the hypothetical guy the pro-prostitution guy was using – that is, a guy who is single, sexually frustrated, and lonely.

    Understand I’m not a fan of prostitution, but I do think Mefferd needs to be a bit more sympathetic to the struggles older singles face.

    It’s not loving or compassionate to mock and ridicule the fact that a lot of singles are lonely and want to have sex, but have nobody to have sex with, or nobody to share their life with.

    Mefferd happens to be married by the way, with two or three kids, so I would assume she is not lonely and is getting her sexual needs met. It’s oh so easy for married people such as her, who are in what I would assume, is a relatively healthy marriage, to mock singles or their plight.

    Anyway, the funniest, or saddest, thing about this Non-Christian’s guy’s rationale for the legalization of prostitution is the very same one preachers and Christian dating advice writers give for why celibacy and virginity among adults is unrealistic, or
    2. for the defeatist attitude among even conservative Christians these days, that
    a. since anyone and everyone is fornicating, or
    b. that since nobody can resist sexual urges and will eventually fornicate,
    we might as well teach an, “Oh well, so you fell down and blew it sexually, God forgives sexual sin, just call yourself a “born again virgin” now, and all is well” philosophy.

    Non-Christian- prostitution- supporter guy, who Mefferd was mocking on her program, was only saying the same exact thing Christian preachers, Christian TV personalities, and Christian bloggers have been saying the last few decades: nobody can expect anyone to withstand sexual temptation, so we might as well [insert solution here for each respective party] and we should give up on the idea of sexual purity, celibacy, and virginity.

    Hell, self- professing Christians nowadays, such as “emergents,” the liberals, and apparently popular Christian blogger Rachel Held Evans, have apparently given up on Christian teachings and standards of sexual purity,
    1. deeming Christian sexual purity teachings too hurtful to the feelings of women who may have been molested when they were three years old by Uncle Fred; or
    2. are considered too hurtful or shaming by women who diddled their college sweetie 25 years ago; or,
    3. such teachings on purity should be abandoned because society tends to be more forgiving of males that diddle than they are of females.

    Nobody, not even most Christians, believes in celibacy or virginity anymore.

    Conservative Christians, emergent Christians, liberal Christians, and Non Christians only come up with different solutions or approaches to sex, or how to deal with the aftermath of sex (e.g., unplanned pregnancy, men who won’t commit to marriage, etc).

    I don’t see anyone saying, “Hey you, with the burning groin o’ lust: I know you want to have sex, but that doesn’t mean you have to cave in and do it.”

    Your dippy, simplistic Southern Baptists such as Al Mohler, or Christian think tanks and groups, such as Focus on the Family, and other blockhead conservatives would say, “Just get married if you want to have sex!”

    Yeah, dumb ass, and how do singles who want marriage go about doing that? Can single women order a groom off a shopping site online? No, they can’t. Getting a spouse is not easy. Singles cannot snap their fingers and make a spouse appear. Even going to social functions or joining a dating site does not guarantee a date, let alone a spouse.

    So, pro-prostitution guy’s position concerning sex is not any different from most Christians I see these days: there is no expectation that people can stay virgins past age 25-30 or stay celibate.

    (Link): Douglas Wilson and Christian Response FAIL to Sexual Sin – No Body Can Resist Sex – supposedly – Re Celibacy

    (Link): Famous Historical Christian Figure Expects Everyone To Fail At Sexual Purity

    (Link): Christian Response FAIL to Sexual Sin – Easy Forgivism

    (Link): Emergent Christian Guy Says Christians Need to “Celebrate Pre Marital Sex” (Fornication)

    (Link): No, Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity

    Ministry to Homosexuals, Exodus Int’l, Closes Shop, Some Christians Spaz out

    Ministry to Homosexuals, Exodus International, Closes Shop, Some Christians Spaz out

    A segment of American Christendom is spazzing out and pearl clutching over the demise of Exodus International (ministry to homosexuals). See links:

    (Link): Hour 3- Former Exodus International board member John Warren talks about the closing of the organization. – Janet Mefferd radio show

    (Link): Exodus International to Shut Down; Ministry President Apologizes to Gay Community

    Mmm hmm. Spazzy spaz, hissy fit. The anger. The outrage. Boo, hiss. The homosexuals are winning the culture wars, oh no, oh no. Indignation. Etc and so forth.

    On her radio program (linked to above), Mefferd depicts the Exod. Int. closure as being another blow in the apporaching defeat of traditional marriage and links that to an attack on God’s character, because, as she says, we are created in God’s image, male and female… I’m not quite seeing how all that fits together myself.

    I will say if Ms. Mefferd means to suggest that maleness and femaleness can be reflected only within marriage, and only married couples can represent God in all his fullness, wrong wrong wrong wrong! What of Christians in their 40s and older, people who have never married?

    The Bible does not say never-married, virginal Christians are not sexual beings, or that they do not reflect God as-is. (Some Christians really do teach that un-married Christians are not fully in God’s image, see this link and see this other link)

    And for the millionth time, to avoid any confusion for anyone who is new to this blog who may be reading this: I do not support homosexuality. I am right wing and am a social conservative, but I am sick and tired of how some Christians make homosexuality (and abortion and a few other issues) into their hobby horses.

    If you check out The Christian Post and a few other Christian publications today, there are yet more headlines on the home pages, not only about Exodus Int., but other topics pertaining to homosexuality (such as: “Five Questions and Answers About the Same-Sex Marriage Issue By Jim Daly” and “Republican Sen. Lisa Murkowski Declares Support for Gay Marriage”), as well as the other pet favorite subject Christians like to harp on, abortion / reproductive issues (on The Christian Post today, on the home page: “Celebrated Christian Artist Launches ‘Before I Formed You’ Pro-Life Campaign,” and “The Government, the Pill, and Our Daughters By John Stonestreet”).

    The only thing missing from today’s headlines on Christian news sites are the standard, panicked reports of, “Oh golly no, 20-somethings are leaving church because church is not lovey or pro- homosexual enough for them, and churches still reject Darwinism, they don’t think Creationism is science-y enough, and teens don’t go any more because church is not hip and trendy enough, what will the church ever do, oh me, oh my.”

    That mainstream Christian media continue to pound away at homosexuality, abortion, and contraceptives, while about completely ignoring the absolute torrent, the avalanche of never-married Christian singles past 30, in particular hetero women, who want to be married (and some may want to have a kid or two of their own), but marriage is not happening for them (due in part to a Christian man shortage).

    Do these Christians who bray, cry, gripe, and moan about homosexuals taking swipes at “traditional marriage,” or about teeny girls getting pregnant, or teens using birth control, not care that they could be helping traditional marriage rates (and maybe birth rates) increase, if they would direct their energies and attention to Christian women who do want to get married and maybe have a kid?

    Instead of spending all your time complaining about homosexuals who want to get married, or that the government may allow teen girls access to “morning after” pills, or that Joe Cool College Kid thinks youth groups at church are boring or stupid for not accepting Darwinism, try taking steps to help post-age-30 Christian single ladies get married, hello.

    Are Christians Tossing Out Prohibitions Against Pre Martial Sex (radio show)

    Are Christians Tossing Out Prohibitions Against Pre-Martial Sex (radio show)

    Radio show you can listen to online:

    (Link): Hour 1- Glenn Stanton from Focus on the Family discusses evangelicals and pre-marital sex [with host Janet Mefferd].

    Mefferd and some Focus on the Family guy named Glenn Stanton talk about this article on the Atlantic (which I have not read and don’t know if I will or not):

    (Link): “Why Some Evangelicals Are Trying to Stop Obsessing over Pre Marital Sex”

    On this radio show, Mefferd and Stanton explain, as I have previously on this blog, that sexual purity and pre-marital sex teachings are under attack by liberal Christians, some feminists, and emergents (they mention Rachel Held Evans by name), mostly because women who have pre-marital sex feel guilty or ashamed by sexual purity teachings.

    My reasons for giving up on pre-marital abstinence teachings (I remain a virgin at 40+; I was waiting until marriage to have sex, I never got married but had hoped to be) is in part because the church does not support Christian never married virgins past age 30.

    We older Christian virgins and our particular struggles are left alone, are ignored, especially the females: if you are not a wife and mommy, churches will not permit you to serve.

    We older Christian virgins are ignored by the larger Christian community. We get no support to hang on to chastity, we get no other kind of support (married couples don’t invite us to their homes for holiday dinners and the like). All the focus goes to teens and 20-somethings and supporting them with friendships and support in fighting sexual struggles.

    So, I no longer see the point in waiting until marriage to have sex.

    I’ve already decided that when I begin dating again, I will have sex before marriage, provided I esteem the guy I’m dating enough. If he’s an idiot, I won’t bother – I’m not giving it up for just any chump to come along. I’ll still have standards, don’t get me wrong, but not the lofty, “I’m waiting for a Christian Prince Charming to marry me first” unobtainable kind of standard. (But by the way: sex outside of marriage is still a sin, even if I do it. I’m at least honest enough to admit it.)

    Contrary to what Mefferd and Glenn say on the radio show, there are indeed segments of the Christian community, usually the fringe kook types, but sometimes by mainstream, well- meaning- but- idiotic clods, who do indeed tell fornicators they are dirt and ‘used goods’ if they have sex outside of marriage; RHE and other emergents, as well as some feminists and liberals, are not entirely making this up, as Mefferd and Stanton claim.

    Mefferd and Stanton, on the radio show, discuss a book by some guy entitled “Unclean,” about sexual issues as taught among Christians, a book that maintains that the sexual purity lectures are sexist because they always focus on the female’s sexuality and virginity. I agree – it’s something I’ve noticed that is frequently done, even by FEMINISTS who discuss this topic. HOWEVER, the solution is not to toss out sexual purity teachings because they focus on females, but to hold males up to the same standards, because the Bible does.

    The male host, Stanton, though, says there is something “special” about a woman’s purity – what the hell? He adds that sex and boyfriend-girlfriend breakups, is a more emotional ordeal for females. Maybe or maybe not, but this is getting back into the sexist, lop-sided expectation and viewpoints that purity standards are really not equally applicable to males.

    The Bible nowhere says that sexual purity, or ‘virginity- until- marriage,’ are more important for females to practice because females are supposedly “more emotional” or have “more unique hearts” than men. The Bible doesn’t get into the psychology of men and women and how, when, or if one gender is more damaged by or sensitive to sex than the other – the Bible just expects both genders to save sex for marriage, period, end of story.

    The Bible nowhere teaches that women are more dainty, emotional and ergo more heavily damaged by pre-marital sex than men are – even if it could be proven they are, so what? The Bible does not use that as a rationale for why people should abstain. I’m not saying it’s not a point females should not consider before boinking a man, BUT I am saying it AIN’T IN THE BIBLE.

    Anyway, you can listen to the interview yourself at the link I provided above.

    Related posts this blog:

    (Link): No, Christians and Churches Do NOT Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity

    (Link): Why So Much Fornication – Because Christians Have No Expectation of Sexual Purity

    (Link): Douglas Wilson and Christian Response FAIL to Sexual Sin – No Body Can Resist Sex – supposedly – Re Celibacy

    (Link): Christian Response FAIL to Sexual Sin – Easy Forgivism

    (Link): Never Married Christians Over Age 35 who are childless [and Celibate] Are More Ignored Than Divorced or Infertile People or Single Parents

    (Emergents, Sexual Abuse Victims, some Feminists, and Liberals attacking sexual purity teachings and virgin until marriage teachings mentioned in the following post):

    (Link): Emergent Christian Guy Says Christians Need to “Celebrate Pre Marital Sex” (Fornication)

    Link Roundup 1 – Abusive Mothers, Christians Shaming Singles For Desiring Marriage, Family Fixation

    Link Roundup 1 – Abusive Mothers, Christians Shaming Singles For Desiring Marriage, Family Idol Fixation

    Instead of breaking these topics into separate posts, here’s one big post covering two or three recurring topics that my blog here is all about.

    >> Topic 1. Conservative Christians think that unmarried and/or childless or child-free individuals are less mature, godly, or responsible than their married and/or parental counterparts. False. Another example of parents behaving badly:

    (Link): Mom arrested after 10-year-old son found in street drunk and naked

      A Florida mother was passed out from drinking while her 10-year-old son was found wandering their neighborhood naked and intoxicated. Local police officers arrested Nedra Byrd, 31, on neglect charges on Thursday night. Amanda Roesch, a neighbor who took the boy in dressed him, and put him to sleep, told reporters that she had walked over to the boy’s home.

    >> Topic 2. Christians who guilt trip or shame singles who want marriage, making us feel bad for wanting marriage, telling us we’ve turned marriage into an idol, and we “want marriage too much”

    (Link): Making Too Much of Marriage, from Christianity Today

    Okay, so, if I understand this right (see Mefferd links below), Christians are worried that Christian singles aren’t getting married, but when we say we would really like to be married, we are told we are “making too much of marriage.” Which the hell is it, Christian culture, speakers, and preacher? Do you want us singles married or not?

    If you married Christians (or you (Link): “shiny happy” single Christians) feel we singles who are not totally thrilled 100% of the time being single are “idolizing” marriage just by merely desiring it at all, then shut up with the blame and insults, such as, “you single Christians should WANT TO get married, but you do not get married because you are lazy, selfish, immature, irresponsible, or fat/ weird/ socially retarded and you must secretly HATE MARRIAGE and desire to be single FOREVER.”

    >> Topic 3. Fixation on Nuclear Family / Fixation on Gay Marriage, anything but Christian singles past 30 who desire marriage but marriage ain’t happening

    >> Topic Example 3. 1.

    The online paper, The Christian Post, was running yet ANOTHER editorial bemoaning the encroachment of homosexual marriage about a week ago:

    (Link): Is Your Church Ready for the Marriage Revolution?

      I have argued for years that our churches aren’t an embassy of biblical ethics in a land of sexual revolution. The embassy is aflame, and the sexual revolutionary flag is waving atop our consulate. We’ve surrendered on marriage in too many ways: on its permanence, on fidelity, and even too many times on its nature rooted in sexual complementarity. Just because we’re not marrying two grooms or two brides, yet, doesn’t mean we’re standing firm on marriage.

      And we’ll talk about practical matters your people will ask. Is it okay to attend a same-sex marriage since Jesus ate with tax-collectors? Should a Christian florist deliver flowers to such a wedding?

    >> Topic Example 3. 2

    I sent Janet Mefferd, radio host, an e-mail sometime in March or April of this year (2013), in response to one of her programs, where she and a guest were lamenting about the phenomenon of delayed marriage and declined birth rate.

    I explained to Mefferd what I’ve said on this blog before: it is a falsehood that most Christian singles are deliberately choosing to forgo marriage or are intentionally choosing to hold off marriage until their late 30s or later.

    See posts at this blog:
    (Link): Never Married Christians Over Age 35 who are childless Are More Ignored Than Divorced or Infertile People or Single Parents and
    (Link): The Netherworld of Singleness for Some Singles – You Want Marriage But Don’t Want to Be Disrespected or Ignored for Being Single While You’re Single

    I believe, if I recall correctly, that I also mentioned to Mefferd in my e-mail to her that this subject needs more attention from Christians, that Christians spend far too much time as it is “defending traditional marriage,” worrying about homosexual marriage, and just going on and on in general about marriage and parenting, and that this extraordinary amount of attention on marriage and parenting is very alienating and has negative repercussions on singles who desire marriage.

    It’s possible Mefferd did not see my e-mail I suppose; maybe she gets hundreds per day. My message was sent via her site’s e-mail submission form. But ever since I sent it, I’ve noticed in the one or two months since, she has done several more shows about homosexual marriage, traditional marriage, homosexuals wanting to join the Boy Scouts, about abortion, and so on.

    All this fixation on homosexuals and related matters is doing nothing to help the plight of mature (i.e., over age 30) Christian singles who want marriage. The church’s attention and energy can be better spent on other areas, such as actually helping people, rather than sitting around condemning secular culture.

    The church needs to be doing something concrete and constructive to help singles get paired up, for those who want marriage – “eHarmony” dating sites are NOT the cure-all, either. Churches need to be hosting more social events where singles can meet and mingle and that sort of thing. They need to be mentioning the topic of older (as in age 30 – 59) singles from the pulpit, on radio shows, and in magazines.

    Continue reading “Link Roundup 1 – Abusive Mothers, Christians Shaming Singles For Desiring Marriage, Family Fixation”

    On the Janet Mefferd Radio Show: Still Too Much Concern About ‘Family’

    On the Janet Mefferd Radio Show: Still Too Much Concern About ‘Family’

    I listened to a new online Mefferd radio show. I only listened to it once. Here’s a link to that show:

    (Link): Mary Eberstadt talks about her book ‘How the West Really Lost God’

    After Mefferd did a radio show a few weeks ago about the marriage rate going down and out- of- wedlock births going up, where she (or a guest), if I remember right, blamed feminism or something for this situation, I sent her an e-mail via her site’s contact form to notify her that not all singles, not all female singles, are deliberately choosing to remain single (see this page).

    So I find it interesting that in this more recent broadcast, Mefferd did at least mention singlehood and singles in passing. Maybe she got my message.

    However, I was disappointed that the thrust of her show and the focus by the guest remained on family, child bearing, and church attendance.

    The author seemed to be saying that married people who have kids are more likely to attend church than single people, or people who do not have children.

    Well, this information is actually nothing new – it was either discussed in the Duin book “Quitting Church” or “Singled Out” by Field and Colon.

    Both Mefferd and her author guest seem to feel this is wonderful information, and also seemed to be linking the deterioration of society and lowering of church memberships with people not having children anymore.

    In other words, (and maybe I am mistaken but), they seemed to be saying something that sounded rather circular, as in,
    “if only more Christians would marry, have children, and go to church, not only would society improve, but church attendance would increase.”

    The solution for making church attendance go up is not by emphasizing marriage and child bearing within marriage; I’ve discussed this before, please see this post and this post.

    By only showing care and concern for married people and the institution itself, and none for people who are single, and by constantly pandering to the married or marriage itself, singles feel further alienated and have no desire or interest to attend churches.

    This emphasis on marriage and encouraging parenthood by Christians, or in churches by preachers in Sunday sermons, is counterproductive, because it keeps singles away from church; it makes them want to avoid it: the common wisdom was that if a single Christian woman wanted to marry, what better place for her to meet Mr. Right than at a church – but this is no longer true.

    This strategy to keep focusing on marriage and making babies is pushing singles away from churches, which keeps Christian singles apart (unless they are sticking to dating sites, and dating sites do not work for all who try them).

    Not only are un-married Christian men not attending churches any more (for several reasons, one of which is the unrelenting obsession with marriage by preachers turns them off), but single Christian women have stopped attending in higher numbers as well (this was documented in the Duin book).

    Most Baptist, evangelical and fundamentalist churches either ignore older single adults, or, because they tend to hold marriage and parenting up as the “Holy Grail” or Only Standard Of Success for the Christian, those who do not marry and do not have kids are made to feel like failures, and they feel left out- so they stop attending churches that foster this sort of thinking and church culture.

    The solution for getting marriage back on track is to start ministering to OLDER SINGLE ADULTS. Start meeting the singles where they are.

    One step invovled in that is for married Christians to stop acting as impediments to singles.

    Stop telling singles that wanting marriage is “idolary” or that it is “selfish.”

    Stop discouraging church as a place to meet and date (“we can’t have church turn into a meat market.”) Stop segregating Sunday School classes by gender, with males in one room, females in another.

    In order for marriage to happen, one single has to marry another single, which means, churches need to find ways to attract and keep singles and allow them to mix and mingle with one another.

    It’s not rocket science, but idiot churches keep doing the same thing over and over, expecting success but then scratching their heads in confusion as singles never marry, or don’t get married until they’re 40.

    If you want singles to get married, then help singles. And help the singles who are still single over the age of 30, do not obsess over the teens and 20-somethings. Stop helping Christian people who are already married, which is what 99% of churches do 100% of the time.

    Also, stop with the lamenting over decreased baby-making. Remember, some Christians choose not to have children. Respect that choice. Some Christians want to have children but have health issues and are unable to reproduce. Be more sensitive to that possibility.

    Online Interview – Re Impact of Americans delaying marriage

    Online Interview – Re Impact of Americans delaying marriage

    (Link) Hour 3- Kay Hymowitz from the Manhattan Institute talks about the impact of Americans delaying marriage.)

    (Link): “Knot Yet” – PDF – delayed marriage study

    The main concern in the interview has to deal with children being born out of wedlock – which I don’t give a crap about. (I used to care about stuff like this, but not anymore.)

    There’s also concern expressed about women not breeding enough (ie, population decline), another thing I don’t care about.

    The lady in the interview also seems to be maintaining the old stereotype that ladies who don’t marry are passing up men for career, they are too “career focused” in their 20s – NOT TRUE. This myth needs to die. One of the biggest problems is that there is a MAN SHORTAGE. There are not as many Christian males for Christian females. Nobody ever mentions this.

    Author Michael DiMarco talks about his book True Purity (audio interview)

    Author Michael DiMarco talks about his book True Purity. (audio interview)

    There is a link below to an interview by Mefferd with an author, DiMarco, who wrote a book called “True Purity.” He discusses how to present celibacy / sexual purity to people, particularly teens (why is the focus always on TEENS and 20 somethings? First mistake right there).

    It’s been a couple of weeks since I listened to the interview, so I don’t recall all the details. Based on what I do recall…

    The author discusses how much teaching on abstinence fails because it does not center the teaching in who people are “in Christ.”

    DiMarco seems to feel if only people remember they have a relationship with Jesus, that this will strengthen them or enable them to abstain from sex. That may be true in part for some Christians who remain virgins past the age of 30, but in some ways it’s a vague and ineffective response.

    It is common for some Christian authors to intellectualize celibacy and sexual matters, and this author is no different. Intellecutalizing the issues doesn’t do anything to really solve the issue or tackle some of the core issues singles face, especially for unmarrieds over the age of 35, other than having unfulfilled sexual desires: one of their biggest obstacles is loneliness.

    Continue reading “Author Michael DiMarco talks about his book True Purity (audio interview)”

    Reviewers of Dobson’s book about parenting girls confirms it – U.S. Christians fixated on 1950s culture

    Hmm. Maybe I should stop listening to Christian radio host Mefferd (her show is online here). The show title was “Mefferd speaks to Dobson,” with no indication of what the topic would be.

    I clicked and listened. The show I listened to online is (Link:) here.

    Most of her show topics are pretty interesting, but occasionally, she veers off into views I don’t agree with, or she interviews guests whose views make me want to puke.

    As it turned out, Mefferd was interviewing Christian author Dobson about a book he wrote a few years ago called “How To Raise Girls.”

    I’ve addressed in previous posts how most American churches and Christians are stuck in a 1950s time warp, where they continue to judge all behavior and culture by TV shows from the 1950s.

    These types of conservative Christians look upon such television shows or the 1950s itself too, too fondly. I agree that the culture today is vulgar and coarse, and probably more so than it was in the 1950s.

    However, and alarmingly, some conservative Christians consider 1950s American culture an ideal one, one to be emulated at all cost – they don’t hold Jesus Christ as the prime example to be emulated, mind you, but 1950s American culture.

    Among other topics, I mentioned in the post “American Women Serving in Combat,” that one possible reason Christianity is failing today in the United States and church membership is lagging, is that American Christians spend more time wagging their index fingers at liberals and liberalism, and talking about the evils of contemporary culture (such as the existence of abortion and so on), than in actually helping people – specifically helping other American Christians.

    If American Christians spent more time actually meeting the emotional and practical needs of other American Christians, instead of ignoring them in favor of pontificating on abortion, the legalization of homosexual marriage, concern about feminism, or on raising funds (for the billionth time) for rice and beans for starving orphans in Africa, maybe more Americans would find being a Christian more rewarding, practical, beneficial, and want to attend church regularly.

    I listened to Mefferd interview Dobson concerning his book “How To Raise Girls,” and was completely turned off.

    Gender complementarians (such as Mefferd and Dobson) over-empahsize their view that males and females differ.

    Biblical gender egalitarians, such as myself, agree there are differences between males and females.

    However, the older I get, I no longer buy the view that males and females are polar opposites across the board.

    I think the genders have a lot in common, and both genders are expected by God to imitate Jesus Christ.

    There is no “pink” Jesus for girls and no “blue” Jesus for boys.

    Anyway, Dobson spent some time telling Mefferd on this radio show that Christian parents ought to raise their little girls to be “lady like.”

    That term is rather sketchy and vague, and I don’t recall him clarifying what he means by it. Maybe he was more clear what he means by that term in his book.

    I am going to assume for the purposes of this post that I understand what he was getting at with the phrase “lady like.”

    I was definitely raised by a “June Cleaver” (1950s fictional television character) type of mom myself – all the way.

    I crossed my legs when I sat down, wore panty hose under dresses, did not use cuss words, never wore pants to church services, didn’t sleep around, was never blunt or confrontational – I was a sweet, helpful little doormat who repressed all anger.

    I can’t even begin to describe how being raised to be so “lady like” did so much damage to me, how many problems it created.

    I am now trying to un-do the years of beliefs and behaviors I was taught was proper, godly, or lady like for a Christian female.

    And it’s that very “ladylike” behavior that was so crippling for me (and other Christian women) that Dobson wants other girls to strive for.

    There’s this assumption by these Dobson types – the ones who think little girls should be taught to be “lady like” – that if a female is raised to be a gentle, soft spoken, coy, compliant little thing, that this will attract men to her as she ages, and she will be able to get a husband.

    I can see how that sort of thinking was true when my mother was a teen ager, but it’s not true for women like me who grew up in the 1980s and 1990s.

    Being coy, passive, meek, modest, mild, self-effacing, totally selfless, nurturing, and compliant (“ladylike”) does not guarantee a girl a spouse any more, and is actually a lure for abusive men, which gender complementarians don’t seem to realize – or care about.

    Being “lady like” also stunts a girl’s ability to become an independent adult.

    After listening to Dobson’s interview with Mefferd about his book about girls,  I went to a book review site and looked Dobson’s book up.

    I read reviews by people who read Dobson’s book, and they interestingly echo some of the views I expressed in my post the other day, over conservative Christianity in general.

    You will see some of those views here, ones that I’ve brought up before about the state of contemporary Christianity, that these reviewers repeat about Dobson in particular, like how these reviewers notice that….

    • Dobson idolizes 1950s American culture;
    • Dobson, like so many other biblical gender complementarians, portrays un-biblical codependency as being desirable in a female, or mistakes codependency for being some kind of biblical standard for femininity;
    • spends more time complaining and bitching about liberalism than he does in actually dispensing useful parenting advice, etc:

    From reviews of Dobson’s book “How To Raise Girls”

    Review by Aaron Thompson

    (who gave the book a 2 star out of 5 star review):

    This review is from: Bringing Up Girls: Practical Advice and Encouragement for Those Shaping the Next Generation of Women (Hardcover)

    I’ll just say I’m not a fan of James Dobson, but I have a habit of reading books even if I don’t think I’ll like them. I got this for free, so I thought I’d give it a go.

    True to what I expected, I thought the book was far too negative. The majority of the book is spent talking about how the world is terrible and getting worse by the second. He spends a lot of time recounting “the good ol’ days”, which I assume is when he was a young person. I think it’s safe to say the world was just as bad then, just in some different ways.

    I also think he is far too old-fashioned. Call it what you will, but I don’t think it’s necessary for a man to walk on the street side of the sidewalk or order for his date. Those types of behaviors would drive me crazy. In general, I don’t agree with the 1950’s housewife idea he has for women. If a particular woman wants her relationship to work that way, fine. But many don’t.

    And lots of men don’t want that, either.

    And guess what? We are dedicated Christians. I do like a little romance to be sure, but if my husband acted the way Dobson advocates for, I would feel completely smothered.

    Dobson also makes himself sound outdated by comparing piercings to self-harm, such as cutting, and saying that it means you hate yourself.

    No, Dr. Dobson, I didn’t hate myself when I got my tongue, nose, lip, and whatever else pierced. I just liked the style at the time.

    It had no bearing whatsoever on my relationship with God, and it did not mean I was sexually abused, drank alcohol/did drugs, or had promiscuous sex. In fact, none of those things were the case with me.

    I also disliked his assessment on Disney Princesses. He’s a big fan. He says girls love them because they’re beautiful, have it all together, marry Prince Charming, have an unlimited wardrobe complete with fancy dresses, and everyone loves them.

    They are the epitome of femininity and represent wanting to feel beautiful and loved as well as secure.

    I don’t think those are very Christian attitudes, to be honest.

    I would rather be focusing my life on whatever God calls me to, even if it’s hard. Even if it’s dirty. Even if it calls me to be lonely, ugly, poor, or unmarried.

    I think the Princesses give the wrong idea that desiring security and beauty is more important than desiring God. Would I completely ban a daughter from playing with Princesses? Of course not. It’s fun to dress them up. But I do worry about her “looking up” to them.

    Honestly, I don’t think Dobson includes enough scripture. When he does, the majority is from the Old Testament. That’s not bad, but I would like to hear the words of Jesus and his disciples. To me, the book (and Dobson, for that matter) is about Traditional America first, Jesus second.

    There are a few things I found worthwhile in the book. Dobson had interesting information on warning signs to look for in teenagers with things like sexual abuse.

    This is helpful, because my husband is a youth pastor. I also appreciated the ideas for daughters and fathers to strengthen their relationship. I know that a lot of girls don’t have fathers in their lives, or if they do, their fathers are distant, so I think this is a great thing for fathers to hear and possibly be convicted about.

    All in all, I think there are far better parenting books, but in most books, you can find a few worthwhile things.

    (Please click the “read more” link below to read the rest of this post)

    Continue reading “Reviewers of Dobson’s book about parenting girls confirms it – U.S. Christians fixated on 1950s culture”

    American Women in the Military – topic on Mefferd Radio Show

    I’m a little puzzled by radio host Janet Mefferd’s views about American women in combat.

    Janet Mefferd is a Christian radio host who appears to be a gender complementarian and Reformed in doctrine (she interviews a lot of Reformed guys and seems to agree with their take on doctrine – unfortunately.)

    I did not even want to listen to this segment (so I did not plan on writing about it).

    I tuned into Mefferd’s show to listen to her interview some guy over his lawsuit against a preacher who was harassing him (Link: “Bill O’Neil talks about the Sovereign Grace Ministries lawsuit”).

    I tuned in expecting to hear O’Neil but instead, Mefferd begins the show discussing the role of women in the American military.

    In this show, Mefferd quotes a long piece by someone at Vision Forum approvingly. I believe that “Vision Forum” is into that patriarchy and (Link:) Quiverfull lunacy, if I’m not mistaken.

    The piece Mefferd quotes from ‘Vision Forum’ mentions that women are the weaker sex, and she raised other points against the idea of women serving in the military (in combat positions).

    I think Mefferd is forgetting that God placed a woman, Deborah, as a political and military leader over Israel. Deborah led the army of Isreal into battle (mentioned in Judges Chapter 4; and (Link:) you can read more about her here).

    Another woman, Jael, drove a tent peg through the head of a sleeping Israeli enemy who sought her protection (see (Link:) Judges 4:21). If God doesn’t have an issue with women being violent, aggressive, and going on the attack (and He does not if the situation warrants it), I have no idea why Mefferd of gender complementarians do.

    At one point, Mefferd says, “When you place women on the same level as men, men will begin to treat women like men.”

    Well, that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

    For one thing, Jesus Christ sought to ‘treat women like men,’ if you follow the Gospels: back in His day, Jewish culture taught that women were inferior to men, rabbis should not teach women (I think women were permitted back seat access to temple services but that was about it), etc.

    Notice that Jesus treated women as equals to men. He did not talk down to them. He taught them serious doctrine. Jesus treated them as moral and intellectual equals to the males of His day… and all of this behavior SHOCKED his Jewish disciples. It was scandalous.

    In the book of Genesis, God tells Adam and Eve that an outcome of the fall (sin entering humanity) is that men will rule over women (which was not God’s plan), and that women will seek this out – they will seek to be ruled (and this is called codependency – meaning, women looking to human males to be their saviors, instead of trusting completely in God).

    One reason I object to all this hand-wringing over females serving in the military is that there are situations where a woman is going to be alone and without male protection in civilian life, so the whole point of a female being shot and killed in combat is rather moot.

    Some Christian women never get married. Such women don’t have a husband to count on, to financially support them, or to defend them.
    Continue reading “American Women in the Military – topic on Mefferd Radio Show”

    Topics Preachers Should or Shouldn’t Mention When Discussing Singlehood

    Here are a few suggestions as to what I think Christian pastors and Christian talk show hosts should (or should not) preach or discuss when addressing Christian singlehood.*

    Sex, Sex, Sex and More Sex

    I think sex is one topic that Christian pastors need to stay away from when talking to or about singlehood, or they need to stop lecturing about it as often as they do.

    Anytime pastors or Christian personalities (such as people who host Christian television shows) do bother to address singles (usually they’re fixated on married life, unfortunately), it’s usually nothing more than to issue dire warnings about not giving in to sexual sin.

    Continue reading “Topics Preachers Should or Shouldn’t Mention When Discussing Singlehood”