The Selfish, Lazy Husband Who Kept Blowing Off His Stressed Wife to Go on World War 2 Reenactments – Male Entitlement in Relationships: Why Women Divorce Men – and Churches and Culture Support This Male Entitlement

The Selfish, Lazy Husband Who Kept Blowing Off His Stressed Wife to Go on World War 2 Reenactments – Male Entitlement in Relationships: Why Women Divorce Men – and Churches and Culture Support This Male Entitlement

This may be the start of a series. I may do more posts like this as I come across more examples. I kind of already did a part one a couple of years ago (Part 1). This post was not the Part 2 I had in mind, not really.

The things this post covers pertains to one of my big pet peeves as related to men, dating, marriage, culture, church, and relationships.

First, here is the story, (and then below, I’ll analyze or comment why this bothers the hell out of me).

Over a year ago, I watched an episode of the TV show “Restaurant Impossible,” hosted by Chef Robert Irvine on Food Network.

This married couple owned a restaurant that was failing financially, so they had Chef Irvine come in to rescue their business.

I don’t remember all the details of the show, the couple, or their restaurant. I don’t remember their names or where they were located. I cannot recall if both the husband and wife wanted the business, or just the wife did, or what.

Regardless.

The wife was having a nervous breakdown from all the stress of being a restaurant owner. She was running all aspects of the restaurant by herself (with a small staff who helped cook), but the vast majority of the responsibility for the restaurant was on her shoulders.

Although the wife kept begging her spouse to help her, because she was at a breaking point, he would not help her. He would sort of promise or act like he agreed to coming in more often to help, but he would bail on her.

If I am not mistaken, the husband did not hold down a regular job at this time. I think he had quit his regular “9 to 5” job to be in the food business with the wife.

However, the idiot (the husband) spent all his free time chasing down his passions and hobbies, which included stuff like parachuting out of planes on weekends with other men as part of a World War 2 para-trooper re-enactment group, and I think the guy was also part of a barber shop singing quartet the rest of the time, or something.

Continue reading “The Selfish, Lazy Husband Who Kept Blowing Off His Stressed Wife to Go on World War 2 Reenactments – Male Entitlement in Relationships: Why Women Divorce Men – and Churches and Culture Support This Male Entitlement”

John Piper Issues Lame Advice: Unmarried Christian Woman Asks John Piper if It’s Okay For Her to Be a Police Officer

Unmarried Christian Woman Asks John Piper if It’s Okay For Her to Be a Police Officer

(There are some edits below, I added some new links)

This comes from the Jesus Creed blog:

(Link): That Complementarian Non-Negotiable – post by Scot McKnight

A Christian woman, who is single, wrote John Piper and asked him for career advice. I wonder if it’s a troll. She wants to know if it’s acceptable for an unmarried, complementarian, Christian woman to work as a police officer.

My first issue with this is, why is any woman (especially if she is an adult) writing to another human being about career choices? She should be making her own choices in life about career and whatever else.

She’s wanting to know if being a police officer would be violating any Christian gender complementarian norms.

She’s not asking because she’s just confused at this point in her life and doesn’t know what career to get into – which I could perhaps understand, if one is asking advice for that reason. But to ask for some man’s approval for her career choice? No. A hundred times no.

This is the sort of garbage and nonsense that gender complementarianism creates. Gender complementarianism infantilizes teen girls and grown women. A woman does not need to go to another adult, man or woman, to ask their permission to work in some career field or another. Spare me.

Scot McKnight pastes John Piper’s reply into his post, and true to Piper form, it is very verbose in a flowery way.

I can’t believe the woman wrote to Piper to start with or that Piper is even entertaining replying. He should have just told her to use her God-given brains and follow her interests and aptitudes, rather than ask for his input. But is that what Piper does? No.

Continue reading “John Piper Issues Lame Advice: Unmarried Christian Woman Asks John Piper if It’s Okay For Her to Be a Police Officer”

Thoughts on John Piper’s “Walking the Wedding Aisle Without Your Virginity” and T. Fall’s Rebuttal

Thoughts on John Piper’s “Walking the Wedding Aisle Without Your Virginity” and T. Fall’s Rebuttal

Please understand that when I discuss things such as virginity and fornication on my blog, I am always discussing consensual sex, unless I explicitly state otherwise.

I am not discussing sexual abuse in this post per se (the main focus is on consensual sex), and the majority of other posts on my blog, unless it’s really obvious I am doing so, or give a disclaimer. Sexual abuse is another category altogether.

Most of my posts also deal with the topic of sexual purity from the vantage of a never-married adult getting married for the first time, not divorcees, remarriages, or widows.

Over at the “Desiring God” site, one can find this page, which contains a transcript of a podcast by John Piper:

Here is some of what Piper had to say:

  • I think the main thing I want to say is this: Virginity is a precious gift that you cannot give to your fiancé, nor she you. That is a great sadness and a great loss.
  • But there are gifts you can give her and God will multiply those gifts so wonderfully that the loss will not be destructive.
  • You said that you have heard people say, Save yourself sexually for marriage and it is a terrible thing to squander that. Well, I say: Yes, yes, yes — that is exactly right. That is exactly what I think Paul and Jesus would counsel any virgin: “Flee fornication” (1 Corinthians 6:18).
  • Your body belongs to God as a single person, and it will belong to your future spouse. It would be good to think about 1 Corinthians 7:3–4: “The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights” — that means sex — “and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.”
  • ..That is a gift you don’t have to give. And you will want to teach your children to have it.So what is the gift you do have to give to this fiancé with whom you have had sexual relations? What gift can you give her that God might be pleased to make so wonderful, the gift you can’t give her will not destroy?
  • [Piper then instructs the young man to apologize to his future wife for the fornication]

Blogger Tim Fall wrote a critique of Piper’s page here:

Regarding Tim Fall’s rebuttal to Piper’s “Walking” post.

I happen to like Tim, so this is nothing personal. But I find myself disagreeing with portions of Tim’s page, or its basis.

Tim makes a few decent points on his page, but his overall premise is similar to the “diminishing-of-virginity” perspective I’ve seen bandied about by a lot of Christians the last few years, which I find disappointing and view as a personal discouragement to maintain my own virginity (more about this below).

I’m not a fan of Piper’s. I disagree with him quite often.

I also find Piper very weird. HIs Twitter account is so earnest and wacko, I sometimes wonder if it’s not actually a parody account, but no, it’s real.

I read Piper’s page, “Walking the Wedding Aisle Without Your Virginity” and actually don’t find much wrong with it.

I find Piper’s “Walking” response to be a refreshing change of pace from the usual conservative Christian malarky about sexual sin and virginity I’ve seen in blogs, podcasts, interviews, and books the last few years, in that conservative Christians have been attacking the concepts of virginity and celibacy, or else drastically minimizing both lifestyles or disciplines quite a bit.

Piper is unabashedly defending virginity in the “Walking” broadcast, which is a rarity these days among Christians. So kudos to Piper for being on Team Virgin here.

Really, anyone defending virginity is so rare these days, Christian or no, I found a secular essay by a Non-Christian young lady who was asking society at large to back off about her virginity quite surprising and unexpected – and these types of defenses are not common:

How sad. The young lady who wrote that should be able to find a plethora of “pro virginity” articles on Christian blogs and sites (no surprise she cannot find them on secular sites), but I am afraid all she will find on Christian sites are essays that say “beware of virginity idolatry,” “virginity is not a big deal,” or, “God is down with sexual sin, he will wipe your slate clean” (implying one might as well fornicate).

My impression is that Conservative Christians have mainly backed down on supporting virginity because the progressive Christians, who were apparently influenced by secular left wing feminists (it would appear), think it’s wrong or mean to judge anyone’s sexual choices.

To do so, to hold negative views about someone’s sexual choices, is referred to by secular feminists as “slut shaming.”

So, the conservative Christians now believe that even conservative Christians should delicately tip toe around the feelings of fornicators, which includes down-playing virginity, assuring fornicators to the hilt that God loves and forgives them in spite of their sexual sins, and in the process, we are told that virginity doesn’t have much, if any, value.

Nor is virginity a gift to one’s future spouse, according to many of these same writers – at least the ones I’ve come across.

If that is so, if virginity has little to no value, is only an invention of the patriarchy to keep women down, and is not a gift I would be bestowing on a future spouse (should I ever marry), there is no point in me, a 40 something virgin, holding on to her virginity.

Continue reading “Thoughts on John Piper’s “Walking the Wedding Aisle Without Your Virginity” and T. Fall’s Rebuttal”

Skeevy, Sexist, Pastor John Piper Response to “Is Oral Sex Okay” And His Commentary on Teens Who Make Out At Night

Skeevy, Sexist, Pastor John Piper Response to “Is Oral Sex Okay”

Oh gross. This comes from sexist wacko John Piper (he was a preacher at one point, I think, but retired a few years ago, unless I am mistaken, but he still writes books and blogs, etc.) who gives permission to women to use the bathroom without getting a man’s permission, and who says women being abused should endure the abuse “for a season.” Go google for it, my friend. I’m not in the mood to back it all up with citations in this post. Google is your friend.

(Link): Is Oral Sex Okay? From John Piper’s Desiring God site

As the Bible does not specifically mention oral sex, and does not even allude to it (unless one wants to get into Rev. Driscoll’s pervy Song of Songs treatment), go ahead and have oral sex.

It’s like the masturbation debate; the Bible is totally silent on the matter, it doesn’t usually involve another person, so go for it, and without guilt.

I mean geeze, people. Some of you who write these preachers are ADULTS.

You are ADULTS and can read the Bible for yourself and make your own decisions about life. Why in the hell are you writing an over the hill (retired?) preacher and weirdo like Piper for sex advice?

Here is part of how Piper responded to the question “Is Oral Sex Okay?”

    I think it is wrong outside marriage. And we can talk about that another time more extensively. But here is the short answer. Why? Oral sex is even more intimate and delicate, it seems, then copulation. And we know this because even married couples are wondering if they should go there. It is as if it is a stage of intimacy that may not even be proper for married people. And so to think it can be an innocent substitute for copulation so people can obey the letter of the law outside marriage is a mirage. That is the first observation.

Read the rest here (if you have the stomach for it).

Where in the holy hell does he get this from,

    Oral sex is even more intimate and delicate, it seems, then copulation.

The Bible does not teach that, by the way. That is entirely Piper’s view or speculation.

In my opinion (and yes, this is only my opinion), I can see the argument that oral sex is EQUALLY intimate to penetration, or that penetration is MORE intimate to. I can see either of those arguments. What I cannot see is how oral sex is “more” intimate than penetration, which is what he’s arguing.

Piper does admit that “I don’t think oral sex is explicitly prohibited in any biblical command. If the Bible pro-scribes it, it would have to be by principle and not by an explicit command.”

I didn’t see too much objectionable in the remainder of his advice, but it’s beyond me why anyone would ask him for advice anymore than (Link): some Americans keep asking Pat Robertson for advice.

Then there was this Piper tweet (link to Tweet):

    Down by the river the teenagers would go to make out. I watched them drive back. They never looked happy. Especially she.

What?

Julie Anne at Spiritual Sounding Board blog (link to blog) reproduced a Tweeted reply to that, which I found to be a good come back:

    by Emily T.
    Maybe they weren’t happy because a creepy old man was watching them.

Indeed.

This was also good:

    Cindy Kunsman
    @JohnPiper Is a perv.
    I knew he was a perv, but this just adds to the confirmations. Does he wear ADIDAS? #AllDayPiperDreamsAboutSex

Parody (hat tip, Julie Anne of Spiritual Sounding Board blog):
(Link): Down By The River music parody

Christians are not obsessed with sexual purity. They are obsessed with sex. Maybe if they actually stood behind sexual purity, we’d not see so many odd ball pronouncements in public from them about… sex.
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Related posts:

(Link): No Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity – Christians Attack and Criticize Virginity Sexual Purity Celibacy / Virginity Sexual Purity Not An Idol

According to John Piper, all you gotta do to have pre-marital sex is…

According to John Piper, all you gotta do to have pre-marital sex is…

Off the top, I do not like Piper or most of his theology.

The guy is weird and highly sexist and issues crap advice to abused wives (off site link: John Piper: Wives should “endure” abuse “for a season”).

So, some guy called in to Piper’s podcast or radio show or whatever, and Piper’s “Desiring God” site typed up a transcript.

Guy writes in and says he plans on marrying his girlfriend, but he’s not a virgin, what to do, what to do, he inquires of Piper.

Like Tim Challies, and most conservative Christians, Piper pays lip service to the idea of virginity, (“I think the main thing I want to say is this: Virginity is a precious gift that you cannot give to your fiancé, nor she you. That is a great sadness and a great loss.”), but Piper goes on to tell the guy to tell his fiance this:

Excerpts (source (Link): Walking the Wedding Aisle Without Your Virginity)

    So what is the gift you do have to give to this fiancé with whom you have had sexual relations? What gift can you give her that God might be pleased to make so wonderful, the gift you can’t give her will not destroy?

    And here it is. You can look your fiancé in the eye and say this:

    I failed you. I failed God. And I am deeply, deeply sorry. I hate what I did. I hate the hurt it caused you and me. I hate the dishonor that I brought upon the Lord. I hate the disrespect I showed you in not caring for you better. And I repent.

    I turn away from that sin, and sinful forces that drove it. I renounce them. And I turn to Jesus Christ my Lord and my Redeemer and I receive from him his full and blood-bought forgiveness and I cherish it with all my heart.

    I tremble at the thought of despising his blood now. And by the Spirit that he has given me, I resolve in his strength never, never, never to betray him or to give my body to any woman but to my wife.

    I offer you my forgiven, redeemed, cleansed soul and body in marriage to cherish you and honor you and be faithful to you.

    I invite you into this new forgiven, redeemed, cleansed union with me. I know there will always be scars and the memories.

    But God is merciful, and in his time and his wisdom and his way he will make these scars of sin the emblem of his mercy and the signs of his cross.

Oh, okay. That’s all there is to it.

I am a single woman. Now I can start having sex before marriage, and then, if I get a marriage proposal, tell my spouse to be,
“Honey, I failed you. I renounce that sin. Jesus forgives me of my sexual past, so should you. I know there will be scars of sin, but hey, let’s go and get married.”

I don’t agree with some of Piper’s other views on the page. He gets into a thing about how an unmarried person’s body belongs to God, and a married woman’s body belongs to her spouse. I do not agree.
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Related posts:

(Link): A Female’s Virginity Belongs To Her – Not Her Father or Husband – Re: Christian Purity Balls

(Link): Stop Rewarding People For Their Failure – Christians Speaking Out of Both Sides of Their Mouths About Sexual Sin – Choices and Actions and How You Teach This Stuff Has Consequences – Allowing Sinners To Re-Define Biblical Terms and Standards

(Link): Article: Our Born-Again Virgin Bachelor – Secondary or Spiritual Virginity

(Link): Anti Virginity Editorial by Christian Blogger Tim Challies – Do Hurt / Shame Feelings or Sexual Abuse Mean Christians Should Cease Supporting Virginity or Teaching About Sexual Purity

(Link): After Pastor’s Son Comes Out as Homosexual, Southern Baptist Church Breaks With Denomination on Homosexuality – Once More Christians Allow Their Feelings To Cancel Out What God Says In The Bible on Sexual Morality – Christians worship feelings now, not God

(Link): No Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity – Christians Attack and Criticize Virginity Sexual Purity Celibacy / Virginity Sexual Purity Not An Idol

(Link): Pat Robertson says ‘Virginity Has Nothing To Do With Marriage’ and Says (Paraphrasing) ‘Virginity Was Fine For Mary But Not Applicable For Any Other Christians’

Hosts on Vince Coakley Radio Program Discuss Churches That Make Family / Marriage Into Idols and Make Unmarried People Feel Excluded

Hosts on Vince Coakley Radio Program Discuss Churches That Make Family / Marriage Into Idols and Make Unmarried People Feel Excluded

(Link): Vince Coakley Radio Program SGM Detox Episode #4: Lifestyle Legalism – by kingdomtalkerin Religion on Sat, Mar 9, 2013

On the following radio show, in addition to discussing…

  • spiritual abuse;
  • how gender complementarian churches are SEXIST and harm women (and marriages);
  • and in addition to discussing problems with home schooling,
  • how some churches are commanding women to refrain from using birth control / Quiverfull / family planning;
  • courtship approach to finding a mate
  • modesty teachings;
  • – both hosts mention that some churches have turned the family into an idol which makes people feel excluded.

    The discussion about how churches turn marriage/family into an idol starts at the 8:50 mark, and the specific comment about marriage/families being an idol in some churches is around the 9:40 mark:

    (Link): Vince Coakley Radio Program SGM Detox Episode #4: Lifestyle Legalism – by kingdomtalkerin Religion on Sat, Mar 9, 2013

    The hosts also discuss how many churches (if they aren’t ignoring singles) mis-use them, take advantage of them, use them as free babysitting service, etc, how they make feel singles bad with their Valentine’s Day parties, etc.

    PREACH IT! PREACH IT! PREACH IT!!!!!

    *applause applause applause*

    DISCLAIMER:

    While on the one hand, some churches hold marriage (and parenting up) to the point they turn it into an idol, there are some Christians out there (even the same ones who idolize it), who tell Christians that wanting to get married means you have made marriage into and idol. That is incorrect.
    It is NOT wrong, selfish, or sinful to DESIRE MARRIAGE for yourself and to PURSUE IT. Desiring marriage does NOT equate to making it in to an idol.