Did Hell Freeze Over?: Liberal Rag Promotes Idea that Celibacy is Acceptable, and a Valid Life Choice / Re: 2016 Study Says Millennials Aren’t Having Much Sex

Did Hell Freeze Over?: Liberal Rag Promotes Idea that Celibacy is Acceptable, and a Valid Life Choice / Re: 2016 Study Says Millennials Aren’t Having Much Sex

The following editorial comes from left wing site Salon, known for publishing pieces by left wing feminist Marcotte, who likes to insist everyone respect women’s sexual choices except for virginity and celibacy – she thinks it’s okay to mock those (see this link and this link for more on that).

Most of the time, liberals are loathe to admit that it’s okay for adults (or kids) to be virgins or celibates. They often portray the state of being abstinent as being sexually repressed or weird. They get all judgey-judgemental about it, but at the same time ask us not to “slut shame” the people, especially women, who boink around like dogs in heat.

So, I was quite surprised to see this liberal editorial defending the idea that it’s okay for people to be chaste, and that people need to stop pressuring everyone to have sex. This sort of editorial from a left wing site is very, very rare.

(Link):   Millennial Sex Panic! Why are we so worried they aren’t getting enough action? by R K Bussel

Excerpts:

Everyone calm down and stop judging young adults for “missing out on a good time”

….While the study’s findings are of cultural interest about changing sexual practices, an unfortunate side effect is the concurrent media sex panic. To wit: a Washington Post headline asked if this means “(Link): the end of sex?” while (Link): The Cut touted “Millennials Confirm That Sex Is No Longer Cool.”

Continue reading “Did Hell Freeze Over?: Liberal Rag Promotes Idea that Celibacy is Acceptable, and a Valid Life Choice / Re: 2016 Study Says Millennials Aren’t Having Much Sex”

“‘I Kissed Dating Goodbye’ [Book] Told Me to Stay Pure Until Marriage. I Still Have a Stain on My Heart” – Regarding: Dating Book by Author Josh Harris (with other related links about the IKDG book) and Criticizing “Purity Culture”

“‘I Kissed Dating Goodbye’ [Book] Told Me to Stay Pure Until Marriage. I Still Have a Stain on My Heart” – Regarding: Dating Book by Author Josh Harris (with other related links about the IKDG book) and Criticizing “Purity Culture”

August 24, 2016 update: I added a new link at the bottom of this post: people continue to attack the idea of sexual purity by publicizing backlash against the Harris IKDG book.


I myself have never read the IKDB book, which was written by Harris. I have read about the book on other sites in the past, and it is my understanding the book discussed how to date, and other such topics, and is not strictly about sex or virginity.

The author uses this review of the IKDG book to bash “purity culture,” and in so doing, touches on the topic or staying chaste until marriage.

I am in the middle of this debate. I cannot completely agree with all the critics of “purity culture,” depending on what they are criticizing about it and why.

I believe that the Bible teaches both male and females are to sexually abstain until marriage, so I don’t believe in tossing out this teaching all because some young women feel they have been hurt or oppressed by it.

On the other hand, how some Christians have taught about sexual purity has been lop-sided – males are typically not addressed, only females – and Christians could do a better, or more sensitive job, in how they present the concept of remaining a virgin until marriage.

With that introduction, here is the link, with some excerpts (and note, I am not in complete agreement with all views in this piece; however, I’m not a supporter of a lot of Christian dating advice. Christian dating advice tends to act as an obstacle to singles who want to someday marry):

(Link): “‘I Kissed Dating Goodbye’ told me to stay pure until marriage. I still have a stain on my heart

Excerpts:

July 27, 2016

In 1997, Joshua Harris published “I Kissed Dating Goodbye,” a book that was in part a warning about the harm that relationships before marriage could cause. Harris evoked images of men at the altar bringing all their past partners with them into the marriage to reinforce the point that love and sex before marriage took pieces of your heart and made you less.

At the time, Harris was just 21, but he was already a rising star.

…He [Harris] was what we, as young evangelicals, wanted to be. And so we strove passionately to attain the ideal of premarital purity he laid out for us. Now, almost 20 years later, even Harris appears to be questioning whether his advice did more harm than good.

…But Harris’s book was hugely influential.

…On the surface, I am a purity-culture success story: I am a heterosexual woman, a virgin until marriage, now with two small children and a husband I deeply love. We attend church. We believe in God. And yet, for me, the legacy of purity culture is not one of freedom but one of fear.

WashPost Columnist: ‘Ghostbusters’ Haters Are ‘Virgin Losers’ – (via NewsBusters Site); Both the Right and Left Wing Get Some things Wrong About This

WashPost Columnist: ‘Ghostbusters’ Haters Are ‘Virgin Losers’ – (via NewsBusters Site); Both the Right and Left Wing Get Some things Wrong About This

This story comes from NewsBusters, which is discussing a column written for Washington Post newspaper by columnist Kristen Page-Kirby about the new Ghostbusters movie.

The original Ghostbusters movie, released in the 1980s, contained four male leads. The reboot version of the movie, which was released July 15, 2016, contains four women leads instead.

Unfortunately, over a year or more ago, when news came out that there would be four women leads in the film, some of the sexist jerkwads who inhabit the internet started lambasting the movie all over You Tube, Twitter, and where ever else – not because the move was bad (it wasn’t even released yet), but because they were incensed that Hollywood was cramming some form of feminism down their throats.

Interestingly, I didn’t see as much backlash over the main character of the new Star Wars film, “Star Wars: The Force Awakens” being a woman – Rey.

gbLogo
Ghostbusters Logo

At any rate, I will be discussing two or three different topics in this post that are related to this new film, or mentioned by the conservative essayist at the NewsBusters site.

This is another story where I am in the middle. I can’t say as though I’m completely on one side or another in regards to some aspects of this story, depending on what is under discussion.

I am currently a moderate right-winger (I used to be more to the right than I am currently. In the last few years, I’ve been reconsidering if some of my former political and Christian beliefs are wrong.)

I’ve been more open the last few years to hearing the criticisms and views of liberals and Non-Christians – which is not to say I agree with everything I see left wingers and Non-Christians espousing or arguing in favor of.

I sometimes think secular, liberal feminists have good points on some topics, but I normally disagree with them.

As far as the Ghostbusters film reboot is concerned, I do think some of the backlash against the movie does in fact stem from sexism. But then, I do think some people may honestly feel that the movie is genuinely bad due to having a poor story line, or what have you.

I have not seen the movie yet. I don’t go to movie theaters that much anymore.

I usually wait until movies air on cable television; I’m willing to bet that this Ghostbusters reboot will probably be shown on F/X channel, or SyFy, or some other cable network in the next two years, and I have cable television, so I don’t know if I want to invest my time and cash into driving down to a theater to see this, since it will eventually be on television.

I saw the original Ghostbusters in a movie theater when it was in theaters in the 1980s. I was a kid at the time.

The original was okay, it was quite enjoyable and plenty of fun, but it was no movie masterpiece, so to all the men online who were griping about the reboot featuring all women leads: get the hell over it already.

And yes, you were, or are, being sexist douche bags about it. I don’t buy for a moment that ALL male griping about the film is based on non-sexist reasons, like shoddy trailers, or supposed poor CG work.

The vast majority of the professional reviews (and I have read a ton of them) for the new Ghostbusters film have deemed it “okay.” -Not terrible. Not great. But just “meh.” It’s so-so, most reviews have said.

What I don’t appreciate is that the columnist for WaPo who was discussing male backlash about the movie is using virginity as an insult.

Continue reading “WashPost Columnist: ‘Ghostbusters’ Haters Are ‘Virgin Losers’ – (via NewsBusters Site); Both the Right and Left Wing Get Some things Wrong About This”

Sexual Assaults or Harassment Carried Out by CIS Men Taking Advantage of Trans-friendly Bathroom Policies

Sexual Assaults or Harassment Carried Out by CIS Men Taking Advantage of Trans-friendly Bathroom Policies – Collection of News Stories

I actually have a long list of such examples in a  (Link): previous post of mine on the blog, but because some pro-Trans activists on Twitter are so lazy or stupid (they are incapable of finding those links in that post), here is a stand-alone on the topic.

I will continue to amend this post to add new links as I come across them. Should this post become way too long, I may make a part 2.

As an aside, out of my last 2 and a half or so years on Twitter under the “Solo Loner” account, the rudest, most intolerant, hateful, and vitriolic groups I have encountered on Twitter have been militant atheists(*) and pro-Transgender activists.

(*Please note I said “militant” atheists – I’ve run across a few non-militant atheists who were polite and agreeable.)

It doesn’t matter how non-inflammatory or polite my Tweet is in regards to atheism or transgenderism (even if all I am doing is re-tweeting a link without comments of my own), both those groups over-react and will send nasty, hate-filled rants. They are doing more damage to their respective causes than good.

Anyway, here is the collection of links to news stories about pro-Trans laws and regulations making it easier for CIS men to rape or otherwise sexually harass women and girls:

Examples of CIS Men Taking Advantage of Pro Trans Policies to Sexually Harass or Assault CIS Women and Girls

(Link): Top Twenty-Five Stories Proving Target’s Pro-Transgender Bathroom Policy Is Dangerous to Women and Children 

Continue reading “Sexual Assaults or Harassment Carried Out by CIS Men Taking Advantage of Trans-friendly Bathroom Policies”

Teenagers Given Condoms at School Likelier to Become Pregnant and get STDs / STIs: 2016 Study

Teenagers Given Condoms at School Likelier to Become Pregnant and Get STDs / STIs: 2016 Study

(Link): New Study Shows ’90s Era Condom Programs Increased Teen Fertility Rates

Excerpt:

  • by MICHAEL J. NEW
  • June 17, 2016
  • A new study by a pair of Notre Dame economists received some media attention this week. It found that school districts that instituted condom distribution programs in the early 1990s saw significant increases in the teen-fertility rate [as well as an increase in sexually transmitted diseases].

Continue reading “Teenagers Given Condoms at School Likelier to Become Pregnant and get STDs / STIs: 2016 Study”

Will The Left Turn On Sexual Freedom? by D. Linker

Will The Left Turn On Sexual Freedom? by D. Linker

(Link): Will The Left Turn On Sexual Freedom? by D. Linker

Excerpts

  • But more interesting is the question of whether criticism of economic libertarianism will be broadened to encompass the (Link): moral libertarianism that both underlies it and inspires the parallel drive toward the liberation of sexuality from moral judgment.
  • Understood in this wider sense, we’ve been living through an extended libertarian moment since the early 1960s.
  • Moral libertarianism presumes that no authority — political, legal, or religious — is competent to pronounce judgment on an individual’s decisions, provided that they don’t negatively effect other people. Thanks to this assumption, a grand edifice of inherited moral and legal strictures on sexuality have crumbled over the past half century, leaving individuals free to live and love as they wish, as long as everyone involved gives their consent.

Continue reading “Will The Left Turn On Sexual Freedom? by D. Linker”

I Waited to Have Sex Until I Was 26, And Now I Can’t Have an Orgasm (by a Woman Raised in Christian Purity Culture) – Provides Yet Another Reason to Ditch the Equally Yoked Teaching

I Waited to Have Sex Until I Was 26, And Now I Can’t Have an Orgasm (by a Woman Raised in Christian Purity Culture) – Provides Yet Another Reason to Ditch the Equally Yoked Teaching

—————————————

  • I would not be surprised if (Link): my Blog Stalker, John Morgan, still visits my blog (and sometimes my Twitter account) and steals links and story ideas to blog on at his blog. He’ll probably swipe the following story I found and feature it on his own blog.

—————————————–

I did not see an author’s name on this. It just says “Anonymous”

I have a few comments below this long excerpt:

(Link): I Waited to Have Sex Until I Was 26, And Now I Can’t Have an Orgasm (by a Woman Raised in Christian Purity Culture)

  • by Anonymous
  • May 27, 2016
  • I can’t even talk to my sister or some of my closest friends about it because they all still think I’m a virgin, living my life of purity for the Lord.
  •  ——–
  • I was raised in an almost cult-like Southern Reformed Baptist church. I was told that sex was wrong, lustful thinking was wrong, and basically anything that involved sex before marriage would send me straight to hell. It wasn’t until last year that I had the first physical step of courage to go against my upbringing and risk losing everyone around me to do what I thought was right and okay as a woman — not what I was told by evangelical men.

  • ….The church taught us that sex was one of the cardinal sins. Once defiled, always defiled. Women could not make decisions without a father or husband to do it for them, and how would we earn a husband if we were not pure?
  • They trained the young girls in our church, myself included, that we should live and die to find a husband. Education was fine, as long as it contributed to getting a husband. “Be fruitful and multiply” was the mantra.

  • I went along with this. It was all I knew, and I had no mother figure to tell me otherwise. As I grew older, though, I grew indignant of my small amount of options.

  • They told us to find a husband within the church, one who was “equally yolked,” but no man in the church chose from the church. They left the church to find wives and left a congregation of deserted and bewildered home-schooled hearts. Yet they were applauded for their fine, godly choices in women. Meanwhile, the women of the church were left to rot.

Continue reading “I Waited to Have Sex Until I Was 26, And Now I Can’t Have an Orgasm (by a Woman Raised in Christian Purity Culture) – Provides Yet Another Reason to Ditch the Equally Yoked Teaching”

Jezebel Site and xoJane Site: Pot Meet Kettle – On Supporting All Women’s Voices

Jezebel Site and xoJane Site: Pot Meet Kettle – On Supporting All Women’s Voices

I saw this paragraph or so in (Link): an article on Jezebel’s site (by S. Edwards; title: “xoJane Publishes Terrible Article By a Woman Who’s Glad Her Friend Died, Then Deletes Her Byline“):

  • It’s a well-known fact that outrageous confessionals—the kind that populate xoJane’s section, It Happened to Me — garner traffic. Outrage, disgust and anger are the stuff of going viral (a phrase that conjures up disease as much as anything else). Yet xoJane seems to consistently cross an unspoken line, confusing any woman’s opinion as one inherently worth publishing, no matter the opinion, or its costs.

Continue reading “Jezebel Site and xoJane Site: Pot Meet Kettle – On Supporting All Women’s Voices”

Woman Realizes Having Open Relationship Bothers Her / Married Couple Confront Each Other About Their Other Sexual Partners via Cosmo Magazine

Woman Realizes Having Open Relationship Bothers Her / Married Couple Confront Each Other About Their Other Sexual Partners via Cosmo Magazine 

I do have some problems with how conservatives (including conservative Christians not just secular social conservatives) deal with the topic of sex (hey, about 65% of my blog posts are about that topic). However, your liberals can be problematic in this area as well.

Liberals like to believe sex has no consequences, not physical nor emotional.

However, at the same time, they scream on their blogs against abstinence-only public school sex education and yell that women should receive tax-payer funded birth control, abortion should be legally and widely available, and so on.

Liberals tend to downplay the possible physical ramifications of sex, especially for women, when speaking or writing for women (ie, sexually transmitted diseases and unplanned pregnancy), to teach women that being trampy is not shameful but is feminist and empowering. I find that liberals sometimes speak out of both sides of their mouth on this topic.

Secular feminists also like to tell women (especially the younger, naive ones) that they won’t have any emotional fall-out from having sex.

I’ve known women (in person) and read of too many testimonies by women online and in magazines to know that is not always so.

Plenty of people do have issues accepting that their partner has a sexual history or has cheated on them with another person.

Here is another example  or two of this being the case (I have not watched the video on the page with the video.)

I will also link to a page I saw recently by a woman who said she was initially fine and accepting of her poly-whatever boyfriend but after so many months of dating the guy, knowing he was emotionally growing attached to the other women he was dating and having sex with disturbed her.

(Link): I Tried an Open Relationship—and It Was a Disaster 

Excerpts:

  • by Sophie S. Thomas
  • Three ways I’m better at being monogamous now.
  • …Jack [the writer’s boyfriend] was polyamorous. And because I was in love with him, I wanted to go with the flow and make it work. I tried for three years to do things his way — I’d sometimes sleep with other people while he sometimes went on dates with potential new partners.

Continue reading “Woman Realizes Having Open Relationship Bothers Her / Married Couple Confront Each Other About Their Other Sexual Partners via Cosmo Magazine”

Family Values Republican Politician Hastert in Trouble for Sexual Assault of Kids / On Liberals and Not Having Sexual Standards

Family Values Republican Politician Hastert in Trouble for Sexual Assault of Kids / On Liberals and Not Having Sexual Standards

This politician, Hastert, is now in his 70s and is in poor health. Some of his victims have stepped forward to say he sexually assaulted them when they were kids.

I’ve seen several articles say that he was a “family values” type of Republican.

Below is a report about it – probably by a left winger. I am right wing, but in the last few years, I’ve had some changing feelings about the Republican Party, conservative Christians, and how much they push this “family values” rhetoric.

This author does spend part of her report taking Bill Clinton to task for taking advantage of Lewinsky.

I will be placing more articles about this story below this first link and excerpt.

I’m not terribly fond of how so many right-wing “Family Values” spokespersons and figure heads later turn out to be hypocrites.

On the other hand, I’m not a supporter of the left wing – many of them not only participate in sexually immoral activity or champion sexual hedonism, but they have few to no sexual standards in the first place. And they don’t want any.

Maybe there is something positive to be said in having sexual standards in the first place, even if it means a person (or group of persons) who claim to believe in them occasionally violates them.

Continue reading “Family Values Republican Politician Hastert in Trouble for Sexual Assault of Kids / On Liberals and Not Having Sexual Standards”

Various Editorials Defending Tim Tebow’s Celibacy – Because Some Secular Media Are Ridiculing It

Various Editorials Defending Tim Tebow’s Celibacy – Because Some Secular Media Are Ridiculing It

(Link):   Tebow’s Choice to Stay Chaste – He sets a rare, refreshing example in an overly sexualized culture

Excerpts:

  •  by Elisa Cipollone
  • … Tebow is fascinating to people partly because the culture cannot accept the fact that a professional athlete does not indulge in a wild, partying lifestyle, or at least a sexually active one.
  • It’s almost as if the public (and particularly the media) don’t believe that people who believe in God and actively, honestly live out their faith even exist anymore.
  • The Rev. Michael Sliney, a Catholic priest and the New York chaplain of the Lumen Institute, an association of business and cultural leaderssaid, “I deeply admire Tim Tebow for persevering in this noble ideal — a true witness of self-mastery and respect for the sacredness of the sexual act.”
  • It’s an interesting point, particularly when it comes to respect. And despite what either side of this argument believes, shouldn’t Tebow have the right to make his own decisions when it comes to what he feels is respecting himself and others?
  • …. There are multiple viable reasons people, religious or not, choose to remain chaste until marriage. Tebow should not be publicly ridiculed for his decision to do so, and his example is rare but refreshing in an overly sexualized culture.

(Link):  Leave Tim Tebow Alone

(Link):   Tim Tebow Dumped by Fmr. Miss Universe Olivia Culpo Over Sex?

(Link):  Sports media mocks Tim Tebow over abstinence pledge

Excerpts:

  • by D. Gwinn
  • So long story short, it’s a report that should have come as no surprise since Tebow has (Link): already had one relationship end because of his moral stand and maybe, just maybe, God-forbid engender some sense of begrudging respect from the media elite for at least having the courage of his convictions, has instead triggered a few juvenile headlines and one-liners from a legion of sports reporters who would never be allowed in the same room as a Miss USA, current or former. Unless they bought a ticket.

Continue reading “Various Editorials Defending Tim Tebow’s Celibacy – Because Some Secular Media Are Ridiculing It”

White Christians No Longer Majority in U.S.A. (2015 Pew Study)

White Christians No Longer Majority in U.S.A. (2015 Pew Study)

Possibly one good thing about white Christians being in the minority is that perhaps they will re-evaluate how they treat marginalized groups, such as adult singles.

(Link): Pew: White Christians No Longer in Majority

  • by Nick Glasss, November 2015
  • White Christians now make up less than half of the U.S. population, largely receding from the majorities of most demographic groups, with one notable exception: the Republican Party.
  • According to the latest results from Pew Research Center’s Religious Landscape survey published Monday by (Link): National Journal’s Next America project, just 46 percent of American adults are white Christians, down from 55 percent in 2007.

Continue reading “White Christians No Longer Majority in U.S.A. (2015 Pew Study)”

Bride Presents Father With ‘Certificate of Purity’ on Wedding Day – My Thoughts On the Matter

Bride Presents Father With ‘Certificate of Purity’ on Wedding Day

I actually am not terribly interested in discussing this particular news story, but it is right up the alley for this blog, so I feel obligated to a point.

I’ve seen this news story show up on my Twitter account from other people, and in various Christian groups or blogs I visit. I figured that may be another reason I should hop into the fray.

Here is a link about it:

(Link): Md. bride presents father with ‘certificate of purity’ on wedding day

Here is an excerpt from that page with some comments by me below the excerpts:

  • To some people, the idea of waiting for marriage might seem old fashioned, but not for Timothy and Brelyn Bowman. The 20-somethings tied the knot earlier this month in Prince George’s County, and they were virgins when they wed.
  • To prove it, Brelyn presented her father, Pastor Mike Freeman, with a ‘certificate of purity’ on her wedding day. Soon after the wedding, the couple’s social media posts went viral.
  • Appearing on Good Day DC, Brelyn said she signed a pledge to remain a virgin until marriage when she was 13. FOX 5’s Steve Chenevey asked Brelyn how her father reacted to the certificate that she presented to him.
  • “He was so excited because it’s not nothing he required. He didn’t ask, ‘I need you to go and present this.’ It was something because I kept my word,” said Brelyn Bowman. “My sister, who was a virgin when she got married, did the same thing. And she was an example for me, so now I can be an example for others.”

This news story has been discussed on various sites, including

Here is an excerpt from the coverage at SSB, which I believe was written by SSB’s founder, Julie Anne (whom I do really like and respect):

  • I am disgusted that this young lady felt the need to go to a doctor to get a note from him to prove her virginity. Would her father not take her at her word?

To be fair to the father, I have so far not seen a news story saying that the father insisted that the daughter go through a medical exam to prove her virginity (or that she possessed an intact hymen) to him.

Yes, some people, especially ones who are angered at this news story, are attempting to make a distinction between virginity and having an intact hymen.

Yes, it is true that some females can tear their hymen by playing sports and so on, but I think this is a semantic quibble.

Generally speaking, having an intact hymen is part of female virginity; it is usual for women virgins to have an intact hymen. The two concepts are usually linked. So, for whatever reason, I don’t get as angry or upset as others are by this part of the story.

I do think that men who are utterly obsessed with a woman’s virginity or hymen and insist on marrying only a virgin may be  on the sexist side. Although I think these sorts of men are few and far between: most men today prefer to marry NON-virgin women (see (Link): this page on this blog for more on that issue).

I, a virgin woman, would prefer to marry a male virgin, but I know by this time in life, most guys I meet to date will be non-virgins, guys who are divorced or who are widowers, and I’d assume most of them were sexually active with their previous wife. I’ve learned to accept that fact of life and consider other factors in a guy – so men need to do the same with women.

One article I read, from New York Post, I think it was, made it sound like it was the young woman’s, Bowman’s, idea to pursue the “intact hymen” certificate and to publicize it, not her father’s (link to that is below, under the “additional off site links” section).

Here are some of my thoughts on this story, based off the handful of news articles and commentary I’ve seen online.

Off the top of my head, I’m not quite sure what I make of the story.

I’m not really sure if I am for or against this woman getting a certificate of intact hymen signed by a doctor and making this information public.

What I will say is this….

Continue reading “Bride Presents Father With ‘Certificate of Purity’ on Wedding Day – My Thoughts On the Matter”

Self Control – everyone has it, is capable of it, but most choose not to use it (New Study Says Conservatives Have Better Self Control Than Liberals)

Self Control – everyone has it, is capable of it, but most choose not to use it

There was a Tom Hanks movie where he played a guy whose plane crashes, and he ends up alone on an island for a year or more. I think it was called “Cast Away.” His only “friend” is a volleyball who washes ashore from the same plane crash. He names the ball “Wilson.”

Hank’s character was by himself on this island for a year, or maybe longer, with only Wilson the volleyball for company. There were no women for him to have sex with. There was nobody there. And yet, Hanks (his character) made it just fine without sex for a year.

If you were to end up on a desert island by yourself for a year or more, you would have no choice but to go without sex with another person.

There are military couples where one gets deployed and serves overseas for a year or longer, and neither spouse cheats. They remain celibate for a year or more.

In spite of there being plenty of examples demonstrating that even people who have normal sexual desires can go without sex, people who are left of center politically, morally, and theologically continue to insist it is impossible for anyone to go without sex for more than a few months, let alone a year or decades.

I ran into a few such Christians on another site awhile back.

When I pointed out to them, again, for the 100th time I’ve visited their site that I’m a virgin past my 40s, one who has a normal sex drive, they still retort with, “But that’s just you! Not everyone can do that!”

And they both claim to be Christ followers – the same Christ who teaches in the Bible that sex is for hetero married couples only, not for adult singles.

One of these Christians shot back, “But Paul said if you burn with lust, you should marry.”

I replied, “Why yes, but that does not negate that the same New Testament which makes that statement also says that self-control is a trait believers possess. Further, I burn with lust and desire but am single and currently unable to find a husband. Are you therefore basically telling me to cave in and have pre-marital sex?”

Both Christians remained silent on that question. Neither one had a response. They want to keep pushing the “virginity and celibacy is impossible for all but a few people” outlook.

Continue reading “Self Control – everyone has it, is capable of it, but most choose not to use it (New Study Says Conservatives Have Better Self Control Than Liberals)”

People Really Hack Me Off (Part 1) The Hypocritical, Constantly Angry, Christian Ingrate (ex friend of mine)

People Really Hack Me Off  (Part 1) The Hypocritical, Constantly Angry, Christian Ingrate (ex friend of mine)

I normally post about marriage, dating, and similar topics on this blog, but I wanted to talk about something else for now.

This post, and maybe future ones in this series, may contain strong language (expletives).

I don’t want any Christians reading this to leave complaints about the language. You are being forewarned there will be some strong language in this post, and probably any Part 2 or 3 I write.

It might be easier for me to divvy up the people and types of people I am angry at instead of tackling it all in one post.

The wider, common theme of this post (and perhaps future ones I do on this) has to do with people abandoning me in my time of greatest need, or people who treat me like trash and take from me, even though I spent years giving to them, and showing them compassion and was there for them in their time of crisis, but they did not return these gestures.

There’s been indifference and apathy to me and my situation, by church people, extended family, and some of these friends I am talking about in this post or in possible future posts.

To keep my anonymity intact, I will change around some details and names in the examples or stories I am telling.

Here is my first story.

I know this post will be very long, so you may get the feeling that this is a super huge deal in my life, but oddly, it’s not.

It’s rather minor, actually, it just takes me a long time to explain it. And to VENT about it.

But it does have me pissed off, still, months later.

It’s not that this incident or two alone in this post is huge and is what has me upset, it’s that it is a part of the smaller “drip – drip – drip” comprising the torrent of rain, and the ocean, and the sea, of consistent betrayal and pain other people have caused me the last few years.

I have – or had – an online friend.

We don’t really stay in touch anymore, our relationship is kind of vague and undefined at the moment.

We met in a forum several years ago. She is several years younger than I am. I think I may have mentioned her on this blog in a very old post or two.

I’m going to call her “Ellen.”

I have an older sister. I’ll call my older sister “Shirley,” which is not her real name.

I may do a separate post about Shirley in a future post.

All I will say for now is that Ellen and Shirley are very similar people. They have similar personalities.

So, when you read about “Ellen” here, just remember I’ve been dealing with this from an older sibling since childhood as well.

And good lord am I ever tired of both of them. I have had my fill.

Ellen and I became friends several years ago on a forum. We exchanged e-mail addresses and sometimes e-mailed each other.

Ellen would confide in me at times about her problems.

I was supportive of her. I would give her words of encouragement and just let her know I was listening and cared.

Ellen turned down my offer to give her a phone call once, when she was going through a very stressful time. I volunteered to phone her and just listen if she needed to vent or cry.

Ellen had financial problems for a few years, she shared with me that she is obese (she weighs 200 or more pounds).

Ellen also told me that she quit her one, old professional, full time, job in a fit of anger and regretted it.

Ellen says she wants a boyfriend, has never had a boyfriend, and worries she will never get one because of her excess weight.

Ellen told me she had student loan debts, and creditors kept hounding her all the time, and this went on for 2 or more years.

I was sympathetic to her during this time.

Ellen has a temper. She is almost always angry at someone or something.

If you visit this blog, recall you are not seeing a full picture of me. I may come across perpetually angry on my blog to you, but that is because I use this blog for the express purpose of venting about how singles are treated so poorly by churches.

Most often when I make blog posts here, I am not angry. I just come on to post a link and leave.

I’m not an angry person all the time.

As I crawl out of codependency the last couple of years, there has been some anger.

I have read content by psychologists who say it’s normal for someone coming out of codependency, like I am, to be intensely angry for a year or more as they work through their repressed anger.

But even in spite of that, and in spite of my ranty blog posts about singles and the church, I’m not an angry person at the core.

If I default to any negative emotions at all (when I am not on this blog), I am more inclined to become depressed or suffer anxiety, than I am to get angry or to act angry.

But my friend Ellen’s default emotional state and way of dealing with life  – and this is so true of my sister “Shirley” as well – is to stay angry and to explode in absolute rages from time to time.

Ellen is an angry person at her core. That is one of her defining qualities.

Continue reading “People Really Hack Me Off (Part 1) The Hypocritical, Constantly Angry, Christian Ingrate (ex friend of mine)”

Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson gets CPAC standing ovation as he slams hippies for ‘causing the 110million cases of STDs in America’ (but what about his own affairs?)

Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson gets CPAC standing ovation as he slams hippies for ‘causing the 110million cases of STDs in America’ (but what about his own affairs?)

This is like loud mouth San Antonio preacher John Hagee who rails against divorce and broken families from his pulpit, but I’ve so far never heard him mention his wife now – she is wife #2, he had an affair on the first wife, dumped first wife for current wife (current wife was the mistress, if I recall correctly).

(Link): Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson gets CPAC standing ovation as he slams hippies for ‘causing the 110million cases of STDs in America’ (but what about his own affairs?)

  • Duck Dynasty star Phil Robertson accepted the Andrew Breitbart Defender of the First Amendment Award at CPAC on Friday
  • In his speech he slammed hippies and their culture for causing the 110million cases of STDs in Americans
  • ‘It is the revenge of the hippies! Sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll have come back to haunt us in a bad way,’ he stated
  • He then said that only way to end this was to commit to a heterosexual union and not commit adultery
  • This despite the fact that he has numerous affairs in the past, something he did not bring up in his speech 
  • The most popular speaker at the 2015 Conservative Political Action Conference was not a politician, but rather Duck Dynasty star Phil Robertson.

    Robertson received a thunderous applause that brought the audience to their feet Friday as he accepted the Andrew Breitbart Defender of the First Amendment Award.

Continue reading “Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson gets CPAC standing ovation as he slams hippies for ‘causing the 110million cases of STDs in America’ (but what about his own affairs?)”

Ten Worst Sex and Romance Tips from the Christian Right

10 Worst Sex and Romance Tips from the Christian Right

I take it that this is a left wing site (I’m right wing). But some of their points are right on the money, at least on this page. Some of the points it touches on are the “equally yoked” belief among Christians, but I didn’t include the “equally yoked” parts of the list..

(Link): 10 Worst Sex and Romance Tips from the Christian Right by Katie Halper

Here are a few excerpts from the page, with a few comments be me far below all this:

  • 3. Understand That Men Have This Thing Called Sex Drive
  • Another gem from Focus on the Family is the Jill Slattery essay (Link):Sex Is a Physical Need,” which should really be called “Sex Is a Physical Need for Men.”
  • She explains to her female readers, “One of the biggest differences between you and your husband is the fact that he experiences sex as a legitimate physical need. Just as your body tells you when you’re hungry, thirsty, or tired, your husband’s body tells him when he needs a sexual release. Your husband’s sexual desire is impacted by what’s around him but is determined by biological factors, specifically the presence of testosterone in his body.”
  • So, imagine if your vagina were hungry. That’s what it would feel like.

Continue reading “Ten Worst Sex and Romance Tips from the Christian Right”

Hungry ISIS Fighters (Muslim Extremists) Just Want Their Wives To Cook Pancakes – When Islam Sounds Like Christianity

Hungry ISIS Fighters (Muslim Extremists) Just Want Their Wives To Cook Pancakes – When Islam Sounds Like Christianity

(Link):  Hungry ISIS fighters just want their wives to cook pancakes (excerpts from this article much farther below) No, the heading of this blog post,

  •  Hungry ISIS Fighters (Muslim Extremists) Just Want Their Wives To Cook Pancakes – When Islam Sounds Like Christianity 

is not a strawman.

I can just imagine Christians wanting to tell me that Christianity is nothing like Islam.

But it is, in some regards.

Despite the fact that no conservative Christian group I am aware of would “honor kill” a woman for being a rape victim or decapitate a woman as some Muslims do, both groups never the less share some similar views about women, which happen to be restrictive towards women.

Understand that I was brought up in this culture. I was raised as a Christian gender complementarian, though I later rejected this teaching in adulthood. I realized that the Bible does not teach it.

Despite the fact that Gender Complementarians (Christians who believe that the Bible teaches strict gender roles for men and women, and they sometimes use the label ‘biblical manhood and womanhood’) will sometimes state in their literature that they do not believe that all women must or should marry, have children, and be “stay at home mothers” who bake cookies all day, they actually do quite strongly teach this, and it’s always implied.

Christian gender complementarians frequently publish articles to women in their blogs and books that tell women how to be good wives and mothers – which sometimes include tips on how to look pretty for one’s husband, recipes for casseroles, and so on.

See for example(Link): this post of mine for more on that.

ASIDE: FOLKS WHO MOCK SECULAR FEMINIST ARGUMENTS ABOUT TRADITIONAL GENDER ROLES

By the way, there is one conservative guy I follow on Twitter who regularly mocks secular feminists for disputing traditional gender roles. (I also sometimes see one or two well known Christian or politically conservative women on Twitter who also quibble with secular feminists about this.)

While I happen to be right wing myself (I’m a conservative too, and do not always agree with feminists), I do think secular feminists are partially correct on some of these points involving gender roles.

I am conservative and heterosexual, but I for one do not neatly fit the “traditional gender role” views as put forth by evangelical Christians and social conservatives, which is one reason of several I am considering leaving the Christian faith, or keeping a very basic belief in Christ but jettisoning the rest of it.

Regarding this right wing guy I follow on Twitter who consistently mocks feminists who dispute gender roles:

It’s beyond me why a guy who has traditional values (concerning his religious views and spirituality, I’m not sure if he’s a Christian, atheist, or what) would mock folks who object to traditional gender roles, since stubbornly sticking to them is causing so many conservative women (and maybe some men) to leave the Republican Party and/or to leave social conservativism and/or the Christian faith.

Traditional gender roles force people into boxes that they do not fit in and do not want to live in, which can create problems for them.

I was feminine enough growing up and as an adult, but was not an “uber girly girl” that Christians told me that I ‘should’ be.

Never mind that the Bible does not explicitly spell out what “being a woman” is “supposed” to look like in American culture in the 20th or 21st centuries.

I was taught by my mother, by Christian (and secular) material I read or saw on TV, that because I was a girl, I was supposed to be maternal, I was supposed to want to have babies some day, that I should always want to wear frilly, pink, flowered covered clothing.

The fact is, I never cared for any of those things.

I’ve often found babies annoying and never really cared if I had one myself or not. If other people want to have children, good on them, but it’s something that was not terribly appealing to me personally.

Conversely, I was also taught by parents, culture, and church, that because I was a girl, I was NOT supposed to wear jeans, sneakers, nor was I supposed to want to do things like run, climb trees, watch Bat Man reruns on TV, be a Ghost Rider comic fan, nor was I supposed to enjoy any of those things.

But I was in fact, as a kid, a Bat Man and Ghost Rider fan, liked to watch Bat Man on tv, wear jeans and sneakers and climb trees. That’s who I was, and I got really tired of being shamed or criticized for it.

In adulthood, I see fellow conservatives shaming other adults for not playing out these traditional gender roles – or for merely questioning them to start with – and I do not comprehend this.

If you are a conservative, I would think you would be supportive of people’s freedom to choose.

If a man wants to dance in the ballet, or write sensitive poetry, rather than become a quarterback for the NFL, rather than mock him, why wouldn’t you just respect the fact that he’s an adult who wants to chose for himself what he wants to do with his life?

I sometimes see news stories of liberal, Democrat mayors who try to make laws that prevent adults from choosing to drink soda because they think soda is not healthy. Isn’t that a form of “nanny stating?”

How is a liberal wanting to prevent adults from drinking Coke or Pepsi any different than Republicans and social conservatives wanting to shame adults from pursuing non-gender-stereotypical hobbies?

Jesus Christ did not fit today’s American, evangelical, social conservative, Christian traditional gender roles, either. Continue reading “Hungry ISIS Fighters (Muslim Extremists) Just Want Their Wives To Cook Pancakes – When Islam Sounds Like Christianity”

Christianity Should Be Able To Work Regardless of Culture, Childed or Marital Status / Article: Unlike in the 1950s, there is no ‘typical’ U.S. family today by B. Shulte

Christianity Should Be Able To Work Regardless of Culture, Childed or Marital Status / Article: Unlike in the 1950s, there is no ‘typical’ U.S. family today by B. Shulte

Christianity Is Designed to Be True and to Work, Regardless of One’s Culture or Marital Status or Family Structure

Before I address the article about the changing nature of the American family, I’d like to point out that God designed the Christian faith so that it could work in any era, any time period, in any culture, and regardless of a person’s childed or marital status.

American Christians, however, continue to behave as though the Christian faith itself will become moot or bogus unless the predominant culture consists of 1950s era like nuclear families, where every one is married with a baby.

If Christianity can only work if people are married with kids, then Christianity is false.

If the only measure of success you have that Christianity is “working,” I don’t think I’d use marriage and baby making as the only, or primary, yard sticks, as the Bible does not hold up either one as a barometer.

I’d also like to remind any Christian readers that Jesus Christ died for your sins, not to save or defend marriage, parenthood, or the “nuclear family.”

The Changing American Family

I first saw this headline tweeted by Janet Mefferd, Christian radio host. I listen to her program regularly, and I think I have a fairly good handle of her views. I think she probably thinks that the following information is sad or unfortunate. I have a different perspective. Here’s the link:

(Link): Unlike in the 1950s, there is no ‘typical’ U.S. family today by B. Shulte

As much as I like Mrs. Mefferd on a personal level, I disagree with her on one or two topics, or emphasis placed upon them.

Continue reading “Christianity Should Be Able To Work Regardless of Culture, Childed or Marital Status / Article: Unlike in the 1950s, there is no ‘typical’ U.S. family today by B. Shulte”

Male Entitlement and Adult Virginity: Who has it worse, Male Vs. Female? (critique of post at other blog)

Male Entitlement and Adult Virginity: Who has it worse, Male Vs. Female?

The guy, John H. Morgan, behind this blog post I am discussing was eventually blocked from this blog about a year ago (read more about that (Link): here), but I think he still visits this blog regardless (which wouldn’t bother me too much if he’d (Link): give credit to this blog once in a while when and if he uses it to generate ideas for his own blog, because he apparently still visits this blog and uses it as a resource).

This is a rebuttal to a few of the points in this blog post:

(Link): How Does God Define Sex (posted Sept 4, 2014)

Here is excerpt 1:

  •  Women who are waiting until marriage are virgins as pure as the driven snow. Men who wait until marriage become crippled with sexual confusion and permanent awkwardness . . . or worse. This double standard has existed for as long as men have walked the earth.

Maybe 50 or 60 years ago that double standard was in place, but no more.

The only places that double standard may still be alive today are certain extremist Christian cults, such as Quivering, Reconstructions, and patriocentric kook Christian groups, but not so much in run of the mill Baptist or evangelical circles.

Male adult virgins do not have life more difficult than adult women virgins.

The stereotypes male virgins endure (which I’ve written about a time or two previously) are not necessarily worse than the ones women adult virgins are subject to.

I would actually argue that adult women virgins, especially in the realm of Christianity, have to deal with harsher, or more prevalent stereotypes, more often than men virgins do. 

While there may be a minority of Baptist or evangelicals who shame men for not marrying and reproducing young, such as disgraced pastor Mark Driscoll and Southern Baptist Al Mohler, who tend to depict single males past 25 as being stuck in adolescence, the vast majority of mainstream evangelicalism shames women far, far more for being virgins past a certain age than it does men.

Why is this so?

Because even in secular culture – this is true for Christians too – men who do not have children are not questioned as much about their childless status. It is assumed that there is something wrong with a woman who does not have children, that she is unloving or horrible for not being “maternal.”

All of this revolves around the topic of sex, since, to become pregnant in a conventional sense, one must have sex, obviously.

Christians often teach that a woman’s greatest, or only godly calling in life, or only acceptable role, is to be a mother (see (Link): this page and (Link): this page)

I have never once heard a mainstream Christian group insist that fatherhood is a man’s most godly calling in life.

Continue reading “Male Entitlement and Adult Virginity: Who has it worse, Male Vs. Female? (critique of post at other blog)”