Pastor Tells Men: “The Best Person to Rape is Your Wife” by Sarah Einselen

Pastor Tells Men: “The Best Person to Rape is Your Wife” by Sarah Einselen

(Update Below)

Another indication of why single, Christian women especially should never, ever take any type of dating advice by Christians…
Because if Christian pastors are teaching it’s acceptable for married men to rape their wives, you can feel sure in assuming such men and their churches or denominations won’t have YOUR best interests at heart if you are a single woman. 

You – if you are a woman, whether you are married or single – need to look out for you and not expect to get loving, wise counsel from such sexist douche waffles, like this male pastor, who always prioritize the feelings and needs of men above that of women.

Contrary to what this guy is teaching, yes ladies, you are your own; you have a right to have boundaries. Here we go again with patriarchal, complementarian Christian men assuming that Codependent relationship habits for women are “biblical,” though the God of the Bible frowns on Codependent behavior in EITHER biological sex (men or women).

Also, the “equally yoked” rule is bunk. If you’re a single, Christian woman, don’t limit yourself to only dating Christian men – because some of these self-professing Christian men are dirt bags who have no regard for women; you’d be better off dating and marrying an ethical, loving NON-Christian man than a dirt-bag Christian one who thinks it’s acceptable for a husband to rape his own wife.

(Link): Pastor Tells Men: “The Best Person to Rape is Your Wife” by Sarah Einselen

Nov 22, 2021

A New York pastor recently told men in a video clip posted on YouTube that “the best person to rape is your wife.”

The pastor, Dr. Burnett L. Robinson, is senior pastor of (Link): Grand Concourse Seventh-Day Adventist Temple in New York City. And in the clip, Robinson urges womento submit to their husbands and tells them, “In this matter of submission, I want you to know up front, ladies, that once you get married, you are no longer your own. You are your husband’s!”

Robinson then expresses dismay that a woman can sue her husband for rape and states, “I would say to you, gentlemen, the best person to rape is your wife.”

The video was posted by Sarah McDugal, an advocate and abuse recovery coach.

(link to You Tube video: Pastor Promotes Rape & Abuse from the Pulpit)

But the doctrine he preached is common in some fundamentalist evangelical circles, too.

Continue reading “Pastor Tells Men: “The Best Person to Rape is Your Wife” by Sarah Einselen”

Clinical Depression Doesn’t Make People Incapable of Making Choices or Changes 

Clinical Depression Doesn’t Make People Incapable of Making Choices or Changes 


Follow-Up Post:

(Link): Addendum – Mental Health and Treatment and the Goals of Mental Health Professionals


I don’t frequently feature mental health related topics on this blog, but a friend of mine recently became very angry and “blew her top” at me and basically said she wants nothing more to do with me, and this topic pertains to the reason why.

(I will be doing another blog post or two later about this friend biting my head off this past couple of weeks.
And I will repeat this in the future, but:
The irony is that this now ex friend is someone who spent about a year and a half or two years asking me on Twitter if I could befriend her on other sites and share more about myself with her.
I was hesitant to do that but eventually took a chance. She and I have never met in person – but she initially wanted to befriend me further, not vice versa!)

Despite the fact I informed this (now ex) friend a few times over the last two or three year period that I was diagnosed with clinical depression when I was around age 11 by a psychiatrist,
and that this diagnosis was verified as I got older (into my 30s) by about three other psychiatrists (in a total of three different states),
this ex friend, who I shall call “Emma” (not her real name) continued to insist that there is no way I ever could have had clinical depression.

I can’t begin to describe how insensitive and obnoxious I found that.

Side note:

I was appreciative of the times this ex-friend listened to me describe my anxiety-laced concerns with her, as she did many times, and I made sure to thank her for that several times in the last few years.

I even asked this ex friend, “Emma,” a time or two that if she found my anxiety produced ruminations on the same topics crazy-making that I could back off, but she said it was okay.

But as I told her, I was fighting my anxiety to make changes in my life. I’ve not seen her fight her depression to make changes in her life.

I also told her I realize it’s not good to stay angry at people, which is why I’ve been trying to move past anger at family members of mine. I don’t think she’s willing to let go of some of her issues to move forward, though.

At any rate…

I finally politely yet directly told Emma this past week, when she once more insisted there’s no way I ever had depression, that it was not okay for her to keep denying my medical diagnosis like that.

And she has never apologized for it, and she told me this about three times over a 3 or 4 year period!

But she kept acting angry and incredulous that rather than offer her non-judgmental emotional support recently (which I had done for a few years now), that I dared to change strategy and offer her a few suggestions.

Continue reading “Clinical Depression Doesn’t Make People Incapable of Making Choices or Changes “

Christlike or Pornlike?  A Christian Woman’s Role in Marriage

Christlike or Pornlike?  A Christian Woman’s Role in Marriage by Andrew J. Bauman and Taylor May

(Link): Christlike or Pornlike?  A Christian Woman’s Role in Marriage

Excerpts:

by Andrew J. Bauman

I am proud to be writing this article in partnership with Taylor May, a survivor of emotional and spiritual abuse. She has boldly shared her own story about what it was like to be married to someone who had a Pornographic Style of Relating, (PSR) and what it felt like to be used by him with her Church’s consent.

*Trigger warning for those who have suffered this type of betrayal trauma.


I’ve written about the pornographic style of relating here (PSR), but today we will hear from the perspective of a woman who has lived on the other side of this dynamic.

Many people have been talking about this with the release of this new book [Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love Life by Gary Thomas] and some of its disturbing implications.

How can we talk about what these women are experiencing, and what can we learn from them?

Taylor May has offered her story and her experience below. My hope is that this can begin to clear up the muddy waters of what it means to live a Christlike marriage in a deeply pornified world.


by Taylor May

I didn’t realize how a pornographic style of relating was so deeply embedded into my first marriage until I was firmly planted into my second marriage.

That’s when I began to see the impact my first husband’s issue with lust had on my new, much healthier relationship.

Let me tell you my story, and how I and countless other women feel when our significant others lust for other women, on-screen or off.

Those of us who grew up in the evangelical Church have been told that we are responsible for men’s lust issues. This lie has been perpetrated by the church for far too long.

Many men are leading our church conversations with 90% of pastors being men, and considering that nearly 50% of those pastors self-report having used pornography, it would make sense that they would try to gaslight women by minimizing the destructive nature of porn use.

One way they do this is by framing it as a women’s issue or a sex issue, rather than the objectification of women/sin issue–one that stems from the person doing the objectifying.

Continue reading “Christlike or Pornlike?  A Christian Woman’s Role in Marriage”

Do You Need a Partner to Have a Happy Life? by D. LaBier

Do You Need a Partner to Have a Happy Life? by D. LaBier

As to the part of this article that talks about how to be happy as a single adult (which I did NOT excerpt on my blog, but which does appear in the article): please take the section that talks about meeting other people’s needs with a grain of salt.

Christian women in particular are already subjected, quite frequently, to deeply codependent messages passed off as “biblical” from churches, Christian blogs, books, and pastors (Link): that neglecting one’s own needs to meet the needs of others is godly, wonderful, loving, meaningful, and will bring one joy.

However, this is not always the case.

You can actually suffer burn out, resentment, and exhaustion if you never get your own needs met – even while you may be running around doing charity work, helping your neighbor, and meeting other people’s needs.

So where this article advises you to volunteer, help other people, etc, to keep your happiness levels up, take that advice with a grain of salt and only practice it in moderation, if at all.

(Link): Do You Need a Partner to Have a Happy Life? by D. LaBier

Excerpts:

July 29, 2020

New research into happiness and well-being reveals what really matters.

…The upshot of the study [from Michigan State University] was that “…staking your happiness on being married isn’t a sure bet,” as co-author William Chopik reported.

That is, the lifelong singles and those who had varied relationship histories didn’t differ in their level of happiness.

Continue reading “Do You Need a Partner to Have a Happy Life? by D. LaBier”

The “Dating Market” Is Getting Worse by A. Fetters and K. Tiffany

The “Dating Market” Is Getting Worse b A. Fetters and K. Tiffany

For anyone who cannot wait to get to it, here’s the link to the piece on The Atlantic:

(Link): The ‘Dating Market’ Is Getting Worse

Some of my comments about that piece before I put in some excerpts from it:

About the only “numbers approach” I have ever mentioned on my own blog here is that Christian women really do unnecessarily limit themselves if they try to live out the “Be Equally Yoked” philosophy in regards to dating and marriage, because the reality is, yes, the math is that there are not enough single, Christian men to go around for all the Christian single women who’d like to marry.

So, it makes sense to forgo the “equally yoked” rule, if one is a Christian, to date outside the Christian faith.

At the same time, though, I have seen other adults singles make much too much out of the “numbers game” philosophy on dating sites or comments sections on blogs about dating, where they make finding a romantic life partner sound so cold, or as though they’re shopping for a car.

There’s nothing wrong with having standards, but I am afraid there is a category of single adult who is too stringent or unrealistic with their lists of “must haves.”

I am personally turned off by anyone dispensing dating or “how to get married” advice who behave  as though there is a sure-fire guarantee way to land a spouse – because (Link): there is no such thing.

So, I’m really turned off by the many (sexist) attitudes and lists out there telling women if only the women do X, Y, and Z, they will absolutely get married to a great guy.

One problem is that most of these lists (which go viral on Twitter) are predicated on the notion that all men want and prefer 1950s, submissive, uber-feminine women.

Well, I lived that way for many decades – I was raised in a very traditional family that was into conservative values – so I had many of those prized traits sexist men online say will grant a woman a husband, but I remain never-married into my late 40s.

I was a very meek, docile, passive, sweet woman with traditional values, and no, it didn’t get me a husband.

(As I’ve aged, I’ve realized that it’s not a healthy or safe dating strategy for a woman to fit the picture of docile, overly feminine, passive, etc, that the “dating advice” gurus suggest on twitter and elsewhere, because many abusive, selfish, or controlling men intentionally seek out women with such qualities so that they can control, abuse, or take advantage of them.)

There are many conservatives – including women authors, unfortunately – who keep writing dating advice books for women, or who go on to FOX cable news morning shows, who keep encouraging women to engage in these dangerous dating strategies (of being a doormat, where being “feminine” is associated with doormat behaviors), which I’ve written about before (Link): here and (Link): here, among other blog posts.

The article below states at one point that men out-number women on dating sites. That may be so on some sites, but certainly not all.

Years ago, I had a paid membership on a dating site, and the site was forever claiming they could find no matches for me, most of the time.

For the four or five month paid subscription I had, I was only linked up to a total of about three men in that time.

My research on that particular online dating company found it’s the same with a lot of women, as it had been for me: that site tends to only “dribble out” a tiny number of matches for women, while they send male members more matches per month, every month.

Here are excerpts from…

(Link): The ‘Dating Market’ Is Getting Worse

The old but newly popular notion that one’s love life can be analyzed like an economy is flawed—and it’s ruining romance.

It’s understandable that someone like Liz [a 30 year old single who is using dating apps to find dates] might internalize the idea that dating is a game of probabilities or ratios, or a marketplace in which single people just have to keep shopping until they find “the one.”

The idea that a dating pool can be analyzed as a marketplace or an economy is both recently popular and very old:
For generations, people have been describing newly single people as (Link): 
“back on the market” and (Link): analyzing dating in terms of supply and demand.

Continue reading “The “Dating Market” Is Getting Worse by A. Fetters and K. Tiffany”

The Nuclear Family Was A Mistake – by David Brooks – and Related Links

The Nuclear Family Was A Mistake – by David Brooks – and Related Links

If you want to get right to it, here’s the main link:

(Link): The Nuclear Family Was a Mistake by David Brooks  – via The Atlantic (off site link)

Before I paste in excerpts from that editorial by David Brooks below, I wanted to say a few words, and I will be pasting in any relevant links about the Brooks piece even farther below that.

I’ve been saying on this blog FOR YEARS many of the same things that Brooks has outlined in his essay.

Some of what I’ve been saying on this blog for years now includes:
that Christians and conservatives have turned Marriage and The Nuclear Family into idols,
that they have placed weight upon both that the Bible never did, and in the process of advocating marriage, these conservatives and Christians have marginalized the never-married, the divorced, the widowed and the childless or childfree among them, and this is wrong.

The Bible does not teach that marriage – or parenting – are going to “fix” society, or that being married or becoming a parent is necessary to make a person into a moral, upstanding, responsible individual.

If you’re a conservative or a Christian who keeps sounding the alarm about falling marriage rates, you need to accept reality for what it is: most people now are either single and childless by choice or by circumstance.

The United States is simply never going back to the June and Ward Cleaver family structures in mass droves that existed in the 1950s; (Link): so get over it already, and stop trying to punish or guilt trip anyone and everyone who doesn’t marry or have children.

Continue reading “The Nuclear Family Was A Mistake – by David Brooks – and Related Links”

Supposedly Woman-Honoring and Pro-Marriage Focus On the Family Group Wants Wives to Blame Themselves If or When Their Husbands Commit Adultery – Re: Book: ‘How God Used the Other Woman,’ by Tina Konkin

Supposedly Woman-Honoring and Pro-Marriage Focus On the Family Group Wants Wives to Blame Themselves If or When Their Husbands Commit Adultery – Re: Book: ‘How God Used the Other Woman,’ by Tina Konkin

I have some new developments in my personal life that have kept me busy the last month or two, which is why I’ve not been blogging as often.

During this time, I do recall seeing comments on other people’s blogs and on Twitter, about some idiotic, sexist, stupid book that “Focus On The Family” was recommending or selling.

Here is a page about the book by Tina Konkin that created an uproar:

(Link): How God Used “the Other Woman”: Saving Your Marriage After Infidelity via Focus On The Family site

Excerpts about that book from the site:

In How God Used “the Other Woman,” Konkin shares how she and her husband Ron saved their marriage after his affair and fought to make it better than ever before.
——

I am horrified to see that this Tina Konkin works as (or claims to be) (Link): a “relationship expert.”

This awful book of hers is also being sold at Wal-Mart.

From what I can recall, it’s a book for Christian wives that tells them how to approach their husband or their marriage if and whenever their husband should commit adultery,
and their view is that you, you Christian wife, should blame yourself for  your husband’s adultery, don’t hold him accountable, and just write off the situation as a learning experience.

Below you will find a few links or videos to work by other people refuting such a disgusting viewpoint.

Before I get to those resources, though, I wanted to point out how utterly hypocritical these conservative secular and conservative Christian groups are, who proclaim they respect women, and marriage, and The Nuclear Family. Continue reading “Supposedly Woman-Honoring and Pro-Marriage Focus On the Family Group Wants Wives to Blame Themselves If or When Their Husbands Commit Adultery – Re: Book: ‘How God Used the Other Woman,’ by Tina Konkin”

Another Christianity Today Magazine Editorial Expects Single Women To Meet the Needs of Married Women – Christians Never Ask the Reverse

Another Christianity Today Magazine Editorial (2019) Expects Single Women To Meet the Needs of Married Women – Christians Never Ask the Reverse

I am a never-married woman who is over the age of 45, and I am childless. I had wanted to be married but never found the right guy, so I remain single.

I was a very devout Christian for many years, until a few years ago.

I did a blog post about (Link): another editorial on Christianity Today’s site, where a married woman with small children wrote a long piece extolling the virtues of single, childless women:
but only in the context of how she found single, childless women useful to her because they could provide her with free babysitting services that she could not obtain from her biological family, who lived 1,000 miles away.

Here again, in April 2019, is another editorial in the same vein: a piece that extols the wonders and virtues of how single, childless women can or should meet the needs of married women, especially married ones who have children and need free babysitting services and emotional support.

Now, if you’re the sort of single, childless woman who sincerely enjoys babysitting married women’s children, that is fine by me. But I am not one of them.

I’m not opposed to single, childless women caring for, or taking an interest in, other people’s children, if they so desire.

I am opposed to this when this is one of the only options presented to Christian women, however.

Continue reading “Another Christianity Today Magazine Editorial Expects Single Women To Meet the Needs of Married Women – Christians Never Ask the Reverse”

Response to the Alex Parker Piece ‘Feminist Rages Against GirlPal ‘Galentine’s Day,’ Says No Women Are Lonely, Praises Group Vomiting’

Response to the Alex Parker Piece ‘Feminist Rages Against GirlPal ‘Galentine’s Day,’ Says No Women Are Lonely, Praises Group Vomiting’

A conservative editorialist at the Town Hall site, Alex Parker (who I assume is a man), mocks an (Link): anti-Galentine’s Day essay written by a secular, liberal feminist named Rachel Hosie.

“Galentine’s Day” is a new holiday where women friends can celebrate their friendships with each other on February 13th.

The secular feminist that Parker is responding to believes that Galentine’s Day is patronizing to single women, so she is not in support of the holiday.

As a never-married woman who is over 45 years of age who had wanted to be married, but it didn’t come to pass for me, I came to terms with being never-married years ago, so Valentine’s Day no longer bothers me the way it used to.

I don’t have strong feelings for or against Galentine’s Day.

While Hosie’s contention may be true that Galentine’s Day is patronizing towards single adulthood (which is a bad thing), I see it as ultimately a harmless day for women to spend enjoying the friendship of their women friends, so I don’t object to the holiday.

I do however object to a few of the points that Parker made while trying to dismantle Hosie’s arguments.

I will provide excerpts from the Parker editorial and then offer my observations:

(Link): Feminist Rages Against GirlPal ‘Galentine’s Day,’ Says No Women Are Lonely, Praises Group Vomiting

Excerpts:

[Hosie the liberal feminist writes,]

Actually, we don’t need your pity — and the whole concept perpetuates the ridiculous myth of the sad, single woman.

[To which conservative Parker replies,]

The ridiculous myth?? How is it a myth, and how is it ridiculous?

Men want women, and women want men; that’s why we have February 14th … Thursday’s gonna find some people without dates; some portion of those will have ovaries; and some of those are gonna be none too thrilled.

Oh, wait — I forgot; this is 2019.

Okay…women aren’t women and men aren’t men and women don’t have to be like men or women, and there are no men or women…
–(end quotes)—-

My comments regarding this portion of the exchange:

Spinsters and Crazy Cat Ladies

I cannot believe Parker is feigning ignorance of the “sad, pathetic” single woman trope.

Being a conservative who is critiquing a liberal or feminist essay does not mean having to act ignorant of certain societal truths in the process.

Continue reading “Response to the Alex Parker Piece ‘Feminist Rages Against GirlPal ‘Galentine’s Day,’ Says No Women Are Lonely, Praises Group Vomiting’”

Introducing LoveSync, A Device For Telling Your Partner You Want Sex Without Speaking To Them – Perfect Solution for Doormat Complementarian Wives!

Introducing LoveSync, A Device For Telling Your Partner You Want Sex Without Speaking To Them – Perfect Solution for Doormat Complementarian Wives!

(Update below)

Complementarians falsely believe that women do not want, desire, or enjoy sex – they assume that only men want sex (see Doug Wilson, Mark Driscoll and others).

Further, many complementarians (see John Piper as one example) believe it is wrong for women to be direct when communicating, because a woman being blunt with a man may hurt that man’s male ego.

(Complementarians brainwash Christian women into thinking that being  Codependent is “Godly.”)

So, what is a randy, passive, doormat complementarian wife to do if she’s in the mood? I guess she can try this product:

(Link): Introducing LoveSync, A Device For Telling Your Partner You Want Sex Without Speaking To Them 

Excerpts:

February 2019
By Madison Malone Kircher

Are you in a relationship where you have sex with another person? Great.

That’s nice for you, if you’re into having sex with other people. Are you a little fuzzy on how to ask said other person if they’d like to have sex with you? Here’s a refresher.

You ask them.

You use words — spoken, typed, sky-written — and ask your partner if they are feeling likewise horny. If they consent … then you have sex.

Continue reading “Introducing LoveSync, A Device For Telling Your Partner You Want Sex Without Speaking To Them – Perfect Solution for Doormat Complementarian Wives!”

You Could Be Flirting On Dating Apps With Paid Impersonators by C. R. Stuart-Ulin


You Could Be Flirting On Dating Apps With Paid Impersonators by C. R. Stuart-Ulin

It’s a very long article. I read about 95% of it the other day – it’s sad and disturbing.

Some of the suggestions in the manuals the “dating closers” are told to follow by these companies are pretty sexist – they operate on sexist gender stereotypes of what they think women like and want.

(Link): You Could Be Flirting On Dating Apps With Paid Impersonators

Excerpts:

Every morning I wake up to the same routine. I log into the Tinder account of a 45-year-old man from Texas—a client.

I flirt with every woman in his queue for 10 minutes, sending their photos and locations to a central database of potential “Opportunities.” For every phone number I get, I make $1.75.

I’m what’s called a “Closer” for the online-dating service ViDA(Virtual Dating Assistants).

Men and women (though mostly men) from all over the world pay this company to outsource the labor and tedium of online dating. The matches I speak to on behalf of the Texan man and other clients have no idea they’re chatting with a professional.

Continue reading “You Could Be Flirting On Dating Apps With Paid Impersonators by C. R. Stuart-Ulin”

Every Successful Relationship is Successful For The Same Exact Reasons by M. Manson

Every Successful Relationship is Successful For The Same Exact Reasons by M. Manson

(Link): Every Successful Relationship is Successful For The Same Exact Reasons by M. Mason

Excerpts.

….So, that’s what I did. I sent out the call the week before my wedding: anyone who has been married for 10+ years and is still happy in their relationship, what lessons would you pass down to others if you could? What is working for you and your partner? And if you’re divorced, what didn’t work previously?

The response was overwhelming. Almost 1,500 people replied, many of whom sent in responses measured in pages, not paragraphs.

It took almost two weeks to comb through them all, but I did. And what I found stunned me…

They were incredibly repetitive.

1. Be together for the right reasons
Don’t ever be with someone because someone else pressured you to. I got married the first time because I was raised Catholic and that’s what you were supposed to do. Wrong.

I got married the second time because I was miserable and lonely and thought having a loving wife would fix everything for me. Also wrong.

Took me three tries to figure out what should have been obvious from the beginning, the only reason you should ever be with the person you’re with is because you simply love being around them. It really is that simple.
– Greg

Before we even get into what you should do in your relationship, let’s start with what not to do.

Continue reading “Every Successful Relationship is Successful For The Same Exact Reasons by M. Manson”