The Single American Woman via NY Magazine

The Single American Woman via NY Magazine

Pretty long article, but very interesting.

Please use this link I’m giving you if you’d like to read the entire page (it’s a little bit farther below).

I am a right winger, have been a Republican my whole life (though the GOP has been annoying me more and more the last few years, but no, I am not fine with the Democrats), and I am a single woman who was raised in a Christian home.

My parents were Christians who had very traditional values.

The one thing I dread when reading articles like this one I am linking to in this post is imagining how my fellow right wingers will react to what it discusses.

Typically, rather than help single women where they are (which is what they should be doing), they will more likely, instead, complain and yell about singleness, about what a shame it is people aren’t marrying as much or not as young as they did decades ago, and yell at single women to run right out and get married immediately.

(One thing these types of idiots overlook is that marrying is not that easy. I’ve always wanted to be married, but I never met the right guy. I am not going to marry just any guy with a pulse just for the sake of being married.)

Anyway, following that initial reaction of my fellow right wingers, they will then, at that point – by “they,” I refer more specifically to the conservative marriage concern trolls among the secular right wingers and the conservative Christians – will write fear-mongering articles (like (Link): this one) to scare single women into marrying the first man they meet who has a pulse.

The fear mongering and pressure by conservatives to scare or cajole women to marry has gotten so bad with right wing marriage concern trolls, that some of them are even directing Christian women to marry (Link): known pornography addicts.

The majority of my fellow conservatives don’t give a rat’s ass about doing anything to assist single women so long as those women are single.

Many conservatives would prefer to sit back in their rocking chair on the front porch, sipping on lemonade, smoking on their pipes, complaining about how times have changed for the worst, and how the nation was so much better back in 1952. They would rather pine away for the so-called “good old days” than to help people in practical ways in 2016 where ever they find themselves in life.

Though I am right wing, I think this author makes a few good arguments against conservative views about singleness and marriage and the roles of women.

(Link): The Single American Woman via NY Magazine

Excerpts:

  • The most powerful voter this year, who in her rapidly increasing numbers has become an entirely new category of citizen, is THE SingleAmerican Woman
  • By REBECCA TRAISTER
  • ….In 2009, the proportion of American women who were married dropped below 50 percent. In other words, for the first time in American history, single women (including those who were never married, widowed, divorced, or separated) outnumbered married women.
  • Perhaps even more strikingly, the number of adults younger than 34 who had never married was up to 46 percent, rising 12 percentage points in less than a decade. For women under 30, the likelihood of being married has become astonishingly small: Today, only around 20 percent of Americans ages 18–29 are wed, compared to nearly 60 percent in 1960.
  • It is a radical upheaval, a national reckoning with massive social and political implications. Across classes, and races, we are seeing a wholesale revision of what female life might entail.
  • We are living through the invention of independent female adulthood as a norm, not an aberration, and the creation of an entirely new population: adult women who are no longer economically, socially, sexually, or reproductively dependent on or defined by the men they marry.
  • This reorganization of our citizenry, unlike the social movements that preceded it and made it possible — from abolition and suffrage and labor fights of the 19th and early-20th centuries to the civil-rights, women’s, and gay-rights movements of the mid-20th century — is not a self-consciously politicized event. Today’s women are, for the most part, not abstaining from or delaying marriage to prove a point about equality.
  • They are doing it because they have internalized assumptions that just a half-century ago would have seemed radical: that it’s okay for them not to be married; that they are whole people able to live full professional, economic, social, sexual, and parental lives on their own if they don’t happen to meet a person to whom they want to legally bind themselves.
  • The most radical of feminist ideas—the disestablishment of marriage — has been so widely embraced as to have become habit, drained of its political intent but ever-more potent insofar as it has refashioned the course of average female life.

Continue reading “The Single American Woman via NY Magazine”

Husband-Hunting is the Worst Part of a Christian Upbringing – Christianity Made Me Obsessed with Finding a Husband – by B. Ramos

Husband-Hunting is the Worst Part of a Christian Upbringing – Christianity Made Me Obsessed with Finding a Husband – by B. Ramos

(Link):  Husband-hunting is the worst part of a Christian upbringing by B. Ramos 

Excerpts:

Christianity made me obsessed with finding a husband 

June 30, 2015

…Now that I am “old” and married with two kids at the age of 31 (and wasn’t married as I intended at 21), I’m so glad I didn’t go down that road. There’s nothing technically wrong with young marriage, though I personally believe and will tell my children that it’s so, so important to take time to get to know yourself and other people before you make a lifelong commitment.

There is something wrong with being coerced and even brainwashed into thinking you need to get married at a young age to be complete — in the eyes of God and in the eyes of other people.

No, I did not grow up in a Duggar-like cult. I grew up in a fundamental Christian home, which was quite common for my area of South Texas.

I’ve spoken to a number of friends, including my husband who was the son of a Baptist pastor, and our stories match up.

Young people are still being led to believe that young marriage (implying abstinence from sex) is the only way to please God, and these young people who follow this path are not being told the whole story.

Continue reading “Husband-Hunting is the Worst Part of a Christian Upbringing – Christianity Made Me Obsessed with Finding a Husband – by B. Ramos”

Why “Family Values” Defined Conservative Christianity (and Why “Religious Liberty” has Replaced It) – by E C Miller

Why “Family Values” Defined Conservative Christianity (and Why “Religious Liberty” has Replaced It) – by E C Miller

I am right wing, somewhat Christian, and believe that many Christians and secular conservatives have made the nuclear family and marriage into idols, which is wrong.

I am not opposed out-right to the traditional family, marriage, or to motherhood, and so forth, in and of themselves, but I am in disagreement at how so many right wingers and Christians elevate all those things to the point that they end up marginalizing anyone who does not fit the mould of “married with children.”

Anyone who is infertile, child free, divorced, never married, widowed, and what have you, is excluded or treated shabbily by the majority of “family values” obsessed right wingers and Christians, which again, in my view, is terribly wrong and unfair.

Here is an article explaining how and why the religious right elevated “the family” in their rhetoric:

(Link): Why “Family Values” Defined Conservative Christianity (and Why Religious Liberty has Replaced It) by E C Miller

Excerpts:

  • From about 1970 until about 2000, American politics was largely driven by concern about the nuclear family. As established social hierarchies came under fire from the civil rights movement, the gay rights movement, second-wave feminism, and others, conservative advocacy groups and their political allies demanded a return to the idealized family of the past. “Family values” became the rallying cry of a countermovement bent on holding the traditional line.
  • Seth Dowland is Assistant Professor in the Department of Religion at Pacific Lutheran University. His book, Family Values and the Rise of the Christian Right, charts the influence of Christian “family values” advocacy across three decades and a variety of issues.
  • RD’s Eric C. Miller spoke with Dowland about the project, the politics, and the significance of family in the United States.
  • You introduce “family values” as the key term of the Christian Right in the late twentieth-century United States. Why was this term so influential for this group in this place and time? 
  • Many of the political reforms enacted from the 1930s through the 1960s—particularly the expansion of the welfare state and the passage of civil rights legislation—attempted to expand equal rights to all people.
  • Political liberals celebrated these developments, while conservatives looked around the nation at the beginning of the 1970s and saw economic stagnation, riots, sexual revolution, a decline in patriotism, and an increase in crime and drug use. Ministers and political conservatives argued that America was in decline. They believed that decline happened because of the demise of the “traditional family.”

Continue reading “Why “Family Values” Defined Conservative Christianity (and Why “Religious Liberty” has Replaced It) – by E C Miller”

Regnerus’ Misplaced Blame – Blame the Wimmins! Common male refrain, even from Christian men

Regnerus’ Misplaced Blame – Blame the Wimmins! Common male refrain, even from Christian men

In light of this recent information, which says that male usage of porn may be what is leading to declining marriage rates, I’d like to say that Christian sociologist Mark Regnerus’ post from a month or two is flawed in yet another way.

Here is part 1 of my criticisms of Regnerus’ opinion, if you need or want some background on this current post:

Here is the recent study I posted about a few moments ago:

Regnerus surmises that part of the reason for faltering marriage rates is that lots and lots of un-married Christian women refuse to marry male Christian porn users or porn addicts.

That may be true in some cases. I know if I discovered a man I was dating was a porn user, I’d likely break up with him.

That is my prerogative. I’m an adult, I get to make choices I want for me and my life. And screw Christians who try to guilt trip or shame women like me out of those choices, all to “save” marriage by telling us we ought to marry porn users.

Regnerus’ blame is misplaced, if the recent study on men and porn habits is true.

Regnerus is apparently assuming that single, Christian women are getting approached by single, Christian men for dates or marriage proposals regularly, and that the women are turning these men down because these men are porn users.

The fact is, though, a lot of single, Christian women cannot even get to “first base.” Single, Christian women cannot even meet single men in their age bracket.

Continue reading “Regnerus’ Misplaced Blame – Blame the Wimmins! Common male refrain, even from Christian men”

Study: Porn Use by Men Could Be Reason For Declining Marriage Rates / Double Standard by Many Single Men: Single Men Too Entitled, Picky About Dating Criteria

Study: Porn Use by Men Could Be Reason For Declining Marriage Rates / Double Standard by Many Single Men: Single Men Too Entitled, Picky About Dating Criteria

So a new study says that the rise of porn use may be one reason behind the declining marriage rates.

But Christian sociologist Mark Regnerus says Christian single women should totally seek out these porn-addicted perverts as potential spouses, LOL. (Seriously, he did argue this point, read this).

I’ve seen Christian men in comment sections on other blogs act all offended or butt-hurt when women like me say, “Thanks, but no thanks, not interested in dating or marrying a porn user or porn addict.”

Christian men who object think we single ladies are supposed to show them all sorts of “grace” about their sexual sin (including porn viewing), and that porn use is just like any other sin, no big deal.

Sorry, no. Some women may not care about porn use or addiction, but some of us do, and that is our right.

I do wonder if the Christian men in the comment sections on other blogs who are butt-hurt that single women want nothing to do with porn addicts/users are porn users themselves.

It’s interesting how men, even Christian men, feel entitled to have criteria in dating or in marriage, but these same men do NOT believe that women should be allowed to have criteria.

Many single men are VERY picky and judgmental concerning who they are willing to date or marry.

Christian single men of all ages, even the 65 year olds, all demand and expect to marry a 25 year old woman, or a 45 year old who looks as though she is still age 25.

If, however, women have any criteria, preferences, or standards concerning whom they wish to date or marry, such as, “I’d rather not date or marry a male porn user,” men get very angry and miffed on web forums and blogs about this.

Men start lecturing us single ladies how we should not limit our dating pool to non-porn users.

But ask these same male idiots if they’d consider dating or marrying a woman who is 15 or more pounds overweight, who is over 35 years of age, or who is a brunette, and they instantly say, NO.

Most men feel it is their right to have criteria in selecting a partner, but we women are supposed to consider any and every man who takes a fancy to us – nope, not gonna do that.

I’d rather stay single. I have a right to choose for myself who I want to date or not date.

(Link):  Free porn could be to blame for decline in U.S. marriage rates, researchers say

(Link): Rise of free internet porn delays people getting married 

(Link):  Shock study: Marriage rate declines with porn use, threatening economy, society

(Link):  Porn getting in the way of marriage?

(Link):  Americans aren’t getting married, and researchers think porn is part of the problem

(Link): Rise of internet porn could be to blame for lower marriage rates, study claims, as men find ‘low-cost sexual gratification’ without being tied to a relationship

  • Pornography is an ‘important factor’ in the decline in marriage formation
  • Researchers said it was ‘disrupting traditional family arrangements’ 
  • And found policies like the UK’s porn filter could reduce useage

Continue reading “Study: Porn Use by Men Could Be Reason For Declining Marriage Rates / Double Standard by Many Single Men: Single Men Too Entitled, Picky About Dating Criteria”

Growing Decline In Marriage Rates Leading To Spiritual – And Economic – Devastation?

Growing Decline In Marriage Rates Leading To Spiritual – And Economic – Devastation?

Someone in this article is quoted as saying, “We’re living in a less marriage-centric society now.”

Ha ha haaa! It is to laugh. Try telling that to marriage-obsessed and marriage-worshipping Southern Baptists, evangelicals, fundamentalists, Reformed and Calvinists who never shut up about marriage and pro-creation!

Of course, there is a small segment within all those groups of Christendom who have noticed marriage rates have fallen, but rather than offer more sermons on esteeming singleness and helping adult singles with issues they face while single, this small group choose to SHAME singles for being single and they behave as though adult singleness (and childless-ness) is a disease that needs to be cured.

This is from the economic section of some paper or magazine:

(Link):   Growing Decline In Marriage Rates Leading To Spiritual – And Economic – Devastation?

Excerpts

  •  Maria Gallucci
  • December 14 2014 10:14 AM
  • Fewer adults in developed countries are tying the knot or having kids — a trend that’s causing furrowed brows in religious circles and pro-marriage crowds. Pope Francis last month lamented today’s “culture of temporary,” warning guests at a Vatican conference that eroding traditions could lead to “spiritual devastation.” But declining marriage and birth rates could have broad economic impacts as well, as adults delay buying homes, saving for retirement and investing in the permanent.
  • “We’re a less marriagecentric society than we used to be,” said Isabel V. Sawhill, an economist and co-director of the Center on Children and Families at the Brookings Institution in Washington.

  • As a result, “there’s going to be less investment in the long term, like in housing, furniture and other consumer durables,” she said.

  • By forgoing mortgages and college funds for kids, unhitched and childless adults will instead spend more on short-term fixtures, such as vacations, restaurants and apartment rentals, she said.

    The U.S. marriage rate in particular has dropped to its lowest level in nearly a century. Just 50.3 percent of the adult population was married in 2011, compared with the peak of 72.2 percent in 1960, according to a Pew Research Center (Link): analysis.

    Across Europe, the rate of knot-tying is about 40 percent lower than it was in 1970.

  • …Australia, Japan, South Korea, Brazil, Mexico and other industrialized economies have similarly seen their marriage rates decline.
  • The falling numbers are largely rooted in decades-long societal changes. For example, as more women enter the workforce, they’re less dependent on finding a partner for economic stability. More couples are comfortable with ditching the courthouse and “cohabitating” as unmarried partners, even in strongly Catholic countries such as Spain and Italy.

    But the latest drop in global marriages is also partly due to the economic recession. As unemployment rises across the world, and college debt balloons in the U.S., the idea of settling down and starting a family is comparatively less appealing for many people in their 20s and 30s now than in the past.

  • …That economic uncertainty is pushing down birth rates in the developed world, although numbers have also been declining because more people are choosing careers and leisure over children or opting for smaller broods.
  • … Over the past four decades, total fertility rates in the 34-nation Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development, including the U.S., have dropped by nearly 40 percent. In 2010, 1.7 children were born for every woman of childbearing age, compared with 2.7 children in 1970,OECD data showed.

    Edward Yardeni, an economist in New York, has argued that a rise in single, childless adults could be good for some aspects of the economy.

  • …In the U.S., in particular, legal and financial systems tend to favor married couples. A 2013 analysis by the Atlantic magazine found that more than 1,000 U.S. laws offer overt benefits to married partners, while a bevy of insurance policies, including for health, life and home, cost less for married people on average than for unmarried individuals.
  • …“I don’t think the trend will reverse; it’s a general trend across all of the world,” she said. “We won’t return to the numbers of the past.”

——————————————

Related:

(Link):  Conservatives and Christians Fretting About U.S. Population Decline – We Must “Out-breed” Opponents Christian Host Says

(Link):  Statistics Show Single Adults Now Outnumber Married Adults in the United States

(Link):  2014 Study: US Birth Rates Hit Record Low (but on increase for women age 35 and especially over 40)

(Link):  Wives Are Now More Educated than Husbands In the U.S.

(Link):  Over 10 Million Men of Prime Working Age Are Unemployed in the US and Experts Think It’s Causing Declining Marriage Rates

(Link):  Remarriage rates plunge as divorced Americans have doubts

(Link): Just Say No – For white working-class women, it makes sense to stay single mothers. (Not enough eligible single men for women to marry) by N. Cahn and J. Carbone