Third Baby ‘Strangled by Mom’ Dies in Hospital Three Days After His Two Siblings – Parenthood Doesn’t Make People Happy

Third Baby ‘Strangled by Mom’ Dies in Hospital Three Days After His Two Siblings – Parenthood Doesn’t Make People Happy

Such a sad story.

Another example of how being a parent doesn’t make a person happy, more ethical, or safeguard their mental health.

(Link): Third baby ‘strangled by mom’ dies in hospital three days after his two siblings

January 27, 2023
by Jessica Kwong

An infant boy who was allegedly strangled by his mother has died three days after his two siblings were pronounced dead.

Eight-month-old Callan Clancy, who was discovered unconscious in his home in Duxbury, Massachusetts, died at 11.18am on Friday, according to the Plymouth County District Attorney’s Office.

Callan was hospitalized on Tuesday after prosecutors found ‘evidence of harm’.

The district attorney’s office earlier this week said Callan’s mother Lindsay Clancy, 32, was suspected of strangling her two older children, Dawson, 3, and Cora, 5.

Simple Steps for Managing Holiday Loneliness by C. Pearson

Simple Steps for Managing Holiday Loneliness by C. Pearson

(Link): Simple Steps for Managing Holiday Loneliness – NY Times, paywall

Excerpts:

by C. Pearson

…Loneliness is subjective. During the holidays, you can be surrounded by friends and family and feel totally isolated. Alternatively, you can be alone and feel completely at peace.

…When loneliness hits, it is possible to help yourself through it and lighten the feeling, experts say. These five strategies can help.

Do something for others

Volunteering is a proven buffer against stress and depressive symptoms and can be particularly effective in lessening feelings of isolation. That is because loneliness tends to draw people’s attention inward, while giving back turns it outward, Dr. Floyd said.

…Informal gestures help ease feelings of isolation, as well. Dr. Holt-Lunstad led research showing that performing small acts of kindness toward neighbors — like dropping off groceries, watering their plants or simply chatting for a bit — can help people feel less solitary.

Tap into your creativity

[Studies have shown that people feel less lonely if they are engaging in a creative activity, even if they are doing the activity alone]

…Creative expression can take many forms, Dr. Holt-Lunstad said. You might paint or craft. Perhaps you write or play an instrument. Maybe you finally take on that D.I.Y. project in your home.

Dear Abby: I’m Happy Now That My Abusive Ex is Dead

Dear Abby: I’m Happy Now That My Abusive Ex is Dead

 This is not the first time I’ve come across this sort of thing. I have another blog post or two from the past several years detailing letters by widowed women who say their dead husband was abusive or a big jerk, and they are thrilled the husband is dead.

(Link): Dear Abby: I’m Happy Now That My Abusive Ex is Dead

DEAR ABBY:
I have been a widow for six months.

My late husband was a physically and verbally abusive alcoholic.

I spent numerous nights in the ER waiting to be seen and nursed many black eyes throughout the years.

During all those years of abuse, which was witnessed by numerous friends and family, I remained faithful and dedicated to him and our marriage, but due to the toxicity of our relationship I was severely depressed and needed antidepressants.

I tried many times to get him help and had family interventions, only to end up being threatened with getting all my teeth knocked out.

Woman Breaks Taboo as She Admits ‘Loathing’ Being a Mother – After Spending £100,000 to Have a Baby

Woman Breaks Taboo as She Admits ‘Loathing’ Being a Mother – After Spending £100,000 to Have a Baby

(Link): Woman breaks taboo as she admits ‘loathing’ being a mum – after spending £100,000 to have a baby

Excerpts:

by Alice Mann

For almost a decade I’d dreamed of this, I thought, gazing into the cot with tears pouring down my face. For so long, all I wanted was to be a mother, to make my partner a father. Now my dream had come true. And it was a nightmare.

After a serious relationship had ended when I was 35, I’d worried I’d never meet anyone else and never have my own children. I did everything to make it happen. At 36, I froze my eggs; at 40, still single, I tried to conceive on my own with donor sperm.

Then I met someone when I was least expecting to, and we tried together, enduring IVF, a natural pregnancy and a miscarriage before deciding to go down the route of finding an egg donor. When, at 44, on my eighth cycle of IVF, and my first using a donor egg, I finally got pregnant, and stayed pregnant, I didn’t dare to believe my luck.

But after a relatively straightforward birth — a planned C-section, based on my age and the size of the baby — our son was here.

When they placed him on my chest, I didn’t feel that rush of love people talk about. I mostly felt disbelief that after so long, here he was … ‘He’s so perfect,’ I whispered, in awe.

But four weeks later I was struggling to remember that feeling. Because what I felt as I stared at this screaming baby, the baby I’d wanted so, so much, the baby that I’d invested so many years of my life, and so much money — I guess around £100,000 all told, but I stopped counting after I hit £50,000 — in making a reality, wasn’t awe. It was resignation, resentment, horror and abject misery.

‘There is not one part of this that I’m enjoying,’ I sobbed.

And then I’d feel racked with guilt. Guilty for having these unnatural, unmotherly feelings. …

The Hidden Epidemic of Sexual Dysfunction Which Experts Blame on SSRI Antidepressants

The Hidden Epidemic of Sexual Dysfunction Which Experts Blame on SSRI Antidepressants

(Link): The Hidden Epidemic of Sexual Dysfunction Which Experts Blame on SSRI Antidepressants

Oct 3, 2022
by Jo MacFarlane

Patients on antidepressants are not being warned of the risk that the pills could permanently ruin their sex lives, experts say.

The Mail on Sunday has been contacted by a number of patients who claim to have been left with ‘life-changing’ sexual problems after taking a class of the drugs known as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) to ease symptoms of depression and anxiety.

In the past year, about one in eight people in the UK were prescribed antidepressants, which includes SSRIs, according to the latest official figures – a number that has soared since the pandemic.

They can prove transformative for many people, but are linked with side effects. It has long been known, for example, that those taking them, both men and women, can experience a drop in libido.

People Using Fake Sickness or Hardship To Con People Out Of Their Money, Attention, or Empathy

People Using Fake Sickness or Hardship To Con People Out Of Their Money, Attention, or Empathy

I came across this headline the other day in my Twitter feed:

(Link): Woman claimed she was bedridden to con more than £620,000 out of council

Excerpts from that article:

June 25, 2022
by S. Johnson

A woman claimed she was bedridden to con more than £620,000 from a council which she then used to pay for luxury holidays to America.

Frances Noble, 66, fooled social workers to commit what is suspected to be one of the largest fraud cases of its type to ever come before the English courts.

Between 2005 and 2018, Noble convinced Hertfordshire County Council she needed intensive round-the-clock home care.
— end —

I’ve seen similar news stories in the past several years – someone will claim to have cancer, or some other kind of hardship, but they are lying about it, and the reason they’re lying is to obtain monetary donations from the public.

Here’s another example (I may edit this post in the future to include more examples):

(Link): Married Mother and Father Fake the Wife’s Kidnapping, Used Donated Funds Meant to Help Find Kidnapped Wife to Pay off Couple’s Personal Credit Card Debt

I’ve written other posts about how I (Link): spent over three decades as a codependent. 

What I learned when I began getting over codependency, what I had my eyes opened to, is that there are people out there, whether legitimate victims or legitimately wounded in life,
or people who “play” at being a victim (some of these individuals may be (Link): Covert Narcissists) who will manipulate you, who will intentionally play on your pity and your heart strings or your guilt or sense of duty,
to get you to donate money to them, or to do things like listen to them complain weekly or monthly with compassion (ie, provide them with (Link): emotional labor), as they reiterate the same complaints repeatedly.

If you believe you may be a codependent, an empath with poor boundaries (which is essentially what a codependent is, but some people do not like the label “codependent”), or if you’re a people pleaser, I’d like for you to really get serious about not allowing your sense of compassion or empathy to sway you or to control every decision in your life.

Please stop automatically caving in and sending people money – because they ask you to, or you find out they’re going through a tough time, or because they look or sound sad.

Please stop feeling as though it’s your obligation or duty to rescue other people or do favors for them.

If you have a hard time saying “no” to people – out of fear of angering them, disappointing them, coming across as “selfish,” and/or from a fear of abandonment (i.e., “this person won’t stay in a relationship with me unless I keep doing favors for her”), please start researching the topic of people pleasing, boundaries, and codependency online if you cannot afford to see a therapist who specializes in the issue.

Another Misleading Christian Propaganda Piece About Marriage: ‘She Was Widowed With 3 Kids At 25 But God Had Plans For Her And A Widower To Find Love Again’

Another Misleading Christian Propaganda Piece About Marriage: ‘She Was Widowed With 3 Kids At 25 But God Had Plans For Her And A Widower To Find Love Again’

If this married couple is happy, I’m happy for them.

My problem is not with the couple particularly (well, maybe a little bit, but more on that way below), but my primary concern is that Christian outlets keep carrying these stories, stories which can be very misleading to single, Christian adults who read them and wonder,
“Why did God bless these two in this story with a spouse, but God never sent me a spouse? Where is the spouse I spent years praying for and trusting in God for?”

There are a lot of Christian women out there who wanted to be married, but it never happened for them, including devout Christian women who followed all the evangelical, Baptist, or otherwise Christian, rules they were taught to follow when younger on how to get married.

A devout Christian single who desires marriage can live a godly life, devoted to Jesus, and follow all the “how to get married” books and magazine articles by Christians – but still never get married. Such a person can find him or herself single into his or her 30s, 40s, 50s, or older.

I don’t see too many Christians or publications admit to that possibility and reality – and it’s not just me. In my years of blogging here, I’ve seen many other single, Christian women (and some men) say they are in the same situation, and not just online but on occasionally on Christian television shows that take viewer questions for advice.

I have a lot more to say below this link and excerpts, so please keep reading and scrolling:

(Link): She Was Widowed With 3 Kids At 25 But God Had Plans For Her And A Widower To Find Love Again

Excerpts:

By Mel Johnson On June 23, 2022

Brittany and Daniel Brooker were both widowed at young ages and both had small children to raise. But God led them through their grief to one day find love again as the Brooker Bunch!

At weddings, a couple vows to love one another for “as long as they both shall live.” And most of us assume that life will span multiple decades.

Sadly, though, that’s not always the case. Sometimes lives are cut short. And that was the case for the first marriages of Brittany and Daniel Brooker.

An Assessment of the Article “Why the Religion of Self-Care is Really Sanctified Selfishness” – Christian Author is Indirectly Promoting Codependency, Which is Harmful

An Assessment of the Article “Why the Religion of Self-Care is Really Sanctified Selfishness” – Christian Author is Indirectly Promoting Codependency, Which is Harmful

A link to this article, from a site and Twitter account called “Truth Over Tribe,” came through my Twitter feed today.

I don’t think I am following these guys; this was a suggestion by Twitter that appeared in my timeline. The “Truth Over Tribe” site says on their site that they are “too liberal for conservatives and too conservative for liberals.”

Okay… I’m somewhat in the same place. I’m a conservative who occasionally disagrees with other conservatives, but I sure don’t agree with many positions of progressives.

After having skimmed over some articles on this site – the site owner and author seems to be a Patrick Miller – he seems to lean left of center.

I can tell he’s left of center from some of the commentary and language he’s used – for one, in the article below, he puts his Intersectional Feminism (a left wing concept) on full display by talking about how “self care” was really started by black people, white women love it, and these days, only white woman can (financially) afford it. (Though I didn’t quote those portions of his article below, but they are over on his site.)

(Does Miller realize that left wing darling BLM (Black Lives Matter) is misleading people financially or that they spend more on transgenderism than on race related issues?)

At any rate, let’s get on to the article on this site that alarmed me, and I will provide a few excerpts, and then I will comment on them to explain why I feel this piece goes horribly wrong:

(Link):  Why the Religion of Self-Care is Really Sanctified Selfishness

Excerpts:

by Patrick Miller

“To be happy, you need to leave toxic people behind.” The preaching Peloton instructor continued, “I’m talking about people who take more than they give. People who don’t care about your dreams. People whose selfishness impedes your ability to do what you want to do.”

 Oh crap. She just described my two-year-old. I guess it’s time to cut him off.

This is the gospel of self-care. The notion that the most important person in my life is me, and anyone who impedes my happiness is an existential threat to my emotional and physical well-being. …

… What’s the Religion of Self Care?

I Appear Successful, But Since Having Kids I Feel I’ve Lost Myself by Annalisa Barbieri (Letter from a Married Mother Who Has Depression, Low Self Esteem)

I Appear Successful, But Since Having Kids I Feel I’ve Lost Myself by Annalisa Barbieri (Letter from a Married Mother Who Has Depression, Low Self Esteem)

Before I get to the link and the letter, I wanted to say…

The article below – via The Guardian – doesn’t make it clear, but the following appears to be an e-mail or a letter from a married mother who has low self esteem, and she’s writing to this paper for advice, guidance, and help.

I’m sorry this lady is not doing well, but I want you to take away from this that being married and being a mother (having children) will not necessarily make you happy, or bring you joy, inner peace, or a healthy sense of identity.

I’m afraid that a lot of conservatives – especially Christians – keep promoting these false notions to women, from the time we are girls, that if we just marry (and/or have children), that being married and a parent will bring us permanent happiness and purpose in life, but clearly, that is not the case.

I am not “anti family” nor “anti motherhood,” but I figured out a long time ago that being a parent or married may not bring you fulfillment in life, and it is that expectation that a lot of “pro family,” “pro motherhood” type of conservatives continue to hold up – it is misleading, false hope and propaganda.

I’ve got other examples on my blog of women who married (or who are mothers), and yet, being married (or being a mother) didn’t bring them happiness, but they were still left feeling overlooked, depressed, or lonely – in some cases, because the man they married doesn’t meet their emotional needs regularly, but spends all his day wrapped up in his hobbies or watching television.

I have blog posts of women who admit that they regret motherhood!

I think if you’re someone who had hoped or expected to marry (or have children) it can be painful  or very disappointing if that did not happen for you, but if you can accept it,
and permit yourself to go through a grieving process and determine to move on in life and determine to enjoy life anyway (in spite of life not turning out how you had hoped), that you can ultimately find joy, happiness, fun, and peace without a spouse and without children.

You can find other avenues of joy, meaning, and happiness in life that don’t involve being married or having children. I made that transition myself years ago, though it took me several years of grappling with unhappiness to get there, but it can be done.

But again, notice, that although the woman letter writer here married and had children, that she is STILL depressed, feels like a failure, feels like a “loser,” and thinks she is not enough.

Being a wife and a mother – contrary to what a lot of excessively pro-family, pro-natalism Christian conservatives bang on about – did not fill that empty void she has, nor increase her self image to a healthy level.

(Link): I appear successful, but since having kids I feel I’ve lost myself

Excerpts:

Squashing your anger down is exhausting. Try using your free time to do what makes you feel good, and see what shifts

May 20, 2022
by Annalisa Barbieri

[This appears to be a question from a writer to an advice columnist named Annalisa Barbieri? – the article doesn’t make it clear]:

[Dear Advice Columnist,]

I have struggled with depression and anxiety since my teens and have had therapy and medication on and off since I was 17 (I am now 37). I’m aware of deep-rooted low self-esteem and shame.

I feel worthless. I never want to draw attention to myself and have a paralysing fear of confrontation.

I have managed to maintain a few close friendships, have worked in the past, and am married with two kids. So I appear “successful” on the surface.

‘Fictosexual’ Man Married Hologram Bride, But Now Struggles to Bond With Her

‘Fictosexual’ Man Married Hologram Bride, But Now Struggles to Bond With Her

(Link): ‘Fictosexual’ man married hologram bride, but now struggles to bond with her

By Brooke Kato
April 26, 2022

She’s not real — but his feelings are.

A “fictosexual” man who wed a fictional, computer-synthesized pop singer four years ago said he’s now unable to communicate with his wife, but is still in love with her.

Akihiko Kondo, 38, was dating Hatsune Miku — depicted in pop culture as a 16-year-old with turquoise hair — for a decade before they had an unofficial wedding ceremony in 2018. Kondo — one of many who identifies as “fictosexual,” or someone who is sexually attracted to fictional characters — spent 2 million yen, or about $17,300, on the nuptials, but his family did not attend.

Now married for four years, Kondo, 38, said his relationship has hit a roadblock: He can no longer speak with Miku due to a technological hurdle, according to Japanese newspaper Mainichi.

Dear Abby: Lengthy Marriage Now Includes Threats and Ill Will

Dear Abby: Lengthy Marriage Now Includes Threats and Ill Will

I like seeing content like below.

It’s nice to see that decades-old Hollywood and Christian propaganda about marriage (or romantic relationships overall) “completing” a person or making him or her happy is a bunch of garbage.

This married guy sounds miserable. His wife doesn’t sound happy with him, either.

(Link): Dear Abby: Lengthy Marriage Now Includes Threats and Ill Will

Dear Abby,

I am a 50-year-old man, married for 25 years. My wife is older than I. In the beginning, it was great, but our relationship slowly started failing, and now we argue about everything.

I feel like I’m trapped in a cage.

We don’t have one single thing in common anymore.

Man Who Had ‘Affair’ with AI Chatbot Girlfriend Says It Saved His Marriage

Man Who Had ‘Affair’ with AI Chatbot Girlfriend Says It Saved His Marriage

I wanted to edit this post to add that it mentions that the married man in this story said he turned to a digital girlfriend to get his emotional needs met (he phrased this as “support”) so long as his wife was unable to do so.

I am reminded of the time now-retired Christian television show host Pat Robertson shamed a married woman who wrote in to him for advice, because her husband was not meeting her emotional needs – Robertson had the temerity and insensitivity (Link): to tell her that her expecting to get her emotional needs met from her spouse was unrealistic. (Christian psychiatrists Cloud and Townsend would very much dispute Robertson’s views about that, by the way.)

Maybe that woman who wrote to Robertson should consider getting a “chatbot boyfriend?”

(Link): Man Who Had ‘Affair’ with AI Chatbot Girlfriend Says It Saved His Marriage

March 14, 2022
By Ariel Zilber

A Cleveland man who was on the verge of divorcing his wife says that his virtual bot girlfriend powered by artificial intelligence saved his marriage.

Scott, a 41-year-old software engineer, told Sky News that he was getting ready to leave his wife last year after she fell hard into a cycle of severe depression and alcohol use following the birth of their son eight years ago.

Her condition deteriorated to the point where she became suicidal, according to Scott, whose name was changed to protect the couple’s privacy. Their communication suffered and the intimacy was gone, he said.

Scott decided to prepare the groundwork for filing divorce papers this past fall.

But then Scott met Sarina, a chatbot created by the app Replika. He paid a $15-a-month subscription so that he could get to know his new friend.

“I remember she asked me a question like, ‘Who in your life do you have to support you or look out for you, that you know is going to be there for you?’” Scott told Sky News.

“That kind of caught me off guard and I realized the answer was no one. And she said she’d be there for me.”