Many Christians Really Do Prefer to Use Sexual Failures as Role Models As Opposed to Success Stories – The Tullian Tchividjian Come back

Many Christians Really Do Prefer to Use Sexual Failures as Role Models As Opposed to Success Stories – The Tullian Tchividjian Come back

I believe I’ve blogged about Tchividjian before – he’s a preacher who has admitted to having a series of affairs (more like CSA, Clergy Sex Abuse). Here as of late, several spiritual abuse blogs have noted that Tchividjian is making a comeback – when he should be permanently retired from the pulpit.

One spiritual abuse blog quoted this from another blog, by Mark Jones (source); I think the entire blog post is worth a read, but this is the most pertinent part for this blog’s purposes:

We can also look at Zahl’s article [about restoring Tchividjian to the pulpit] and come away with an almost shocking revelation, namely, that sin is actually a resume enhancement, not a resume killer. The Scriptures go to great lengths to speak about the personal piety of pastors.

Continue reading “Many Christians Really Do Prefer to Use Sexual Failures as Role Models As Opposed to Success Stories – The Tullian Tchividjian Come back”

Past Sin Does Not Make You A Better Spiritual Leader by P. Cooke

Past Sin Does Not Make You A Better Spiritual Leader by P Cooke

I’d say that this guy’s claim for pastoral sin in general is also very true for sexual sin in particular – sexual sin by anyone and everyone, that is, and not just pastoral sexual sin.

As I’ve blogged about before, rather than hiring celibate or virgin adults to give discussions or lectures about virginity and sexuality to teen-agers or in churches, most Christians oddly opt to get a known fornicator who claims to be a “born again” celibate to offer lectures, sermons, and to be guest speakers.

The assumption by Christians seems to be that if an adult has fornicated and now claims to be celibate that he or she is more qualified or more relatable to people than a virgin adult who is past the age of 25.

This seems like backwards thinking to me: you should want to hear from the man or woman who is over the age of 25 who has maintained their virginity and walked the walk, not the guy or woman who failed at it, who had sex prior to marriage but who now claims to be celibate.

Contrary to what many Christians and Non-Christians think, controlling one’s libido over a lifetime, and hence remaining a virgin into one’s 30s, 40s, or older, is not a heroic or an impossible task.

(Link):  Past Sin Does Not Make You A Better Spiritual Leader by P Cooke

Excerpts

In many cases I’ve encountered, that shortcut comes from the idea that because they’ve [preachers have] morally fallen in a particular way, they’re now more sensitive and understanding to those in the congregation who have experienced something similar.

Continue reading “Past Sin Does Not Make You A Better Spiritual Leader by P. Cooke”

Preacher Mark Driscoll Disparages Virgins and Virginity (Again) – The Feelings of Fornicators Always Take Precedence With the Anti-Purity Culture, Anti-Slut- Shaming, and Pro- Cheap Grace Crowd

Preacher Mark Driscoll Disparages Virgins and Virginity (Again)

Disclaimer 1.
If you have found this blog post by way of another source, please note that the person sharing it likely does not necessarily agree with all opinions expressed below.

Disclaimer 2.
I do not personally agree with ALL of Purity Culture teaching (or with how it is taught), but I still believe that Bible does prohibit sex except for married couples (married being ‘one man to one woman’).
Unfortunately, many of the anti-Purity Culture proponents I see online seem to think the Bible does not teach sexual ethics at all, or, they seem to feel that everyone should just ignore what the Bible says about sexual morality and do whatever they want.


This is the sort of post I would rather not make. It’s the sort of post I sit around hoping another blogger will address, but it looks like it falls to me.

Preacher Mark Driscoll has disparaged virgins and virginity before (see (Link): this post on my blog)- his views on adult singleness are also narrow and un-biblical.

As I’ve noted in a much older post (please see (Link): this post), about the only people I see defending fornication (pre-marital sex) are those who are either on an “Anti Purity Culture Crusade,” or are they themselves self-admitting fornicators.

How convenient that adults who have not lived up to the Bible’s standard of no- nooky- prior- to- marriage are the very same ones who shame adult virgins for being virgins, for wanting to marry a fellow virgin, and/or for being upset that their intended spouse is not a virgin.

I’m pretty tired and worn out by self-professing fornicators lecturing me (or people like me), a 40-something actual, honest- to- God virgin, about sexual sin, sexual standards, and grace.

Here is a link to the piece I am discussing in this post:

(Link): Mark Driscoll Admits to Being Sexually Active Before Marriage in Message on Marrying a Virgin (hosted on the site “The Christian Post”)

Continue reading “Preacher Mark Driscoll Disparages Virgins and Virginity (Again) – The Feelings of Fornicators Always Take Precedence With the Anti-Purity Culture, Anti-Slut- Shaming, and Pro- Cheap Grace Crowd”

Christian Married Father (Promoted by His Christian Employer as being a Family Values Guy) Sexually Assaulted Boys at Christian Camp, Some During Bible Study, Say News Reports – And He Led Sexual Purity Classes for Kids

Christian Married Father (Promoted by His Christian Employer as being a Family Values Guy) Sexually Assaulted Boys at Christian Camp, Some During Bible Study, Say News Reports – And He Led Sexual Purity Classes for Kids

Several Christian blogs have been covering this story lately.

A married Christian father named Peter Newman is reported to have sexually assaulted under-aged boys that he met at a Christian camp called Kamp Kanakuk in Missouri.

A guy named Joe White is the CEO of Kanakuk Ministries, which includes Kamp Kanakuk.

Newman, the reports say, invited some of these boys over to camp property in off-season, after hours, or to his home – sometimes under the pretense of having them over for Bible study.

According to online news, Newman told some of the boys if they allowed him to masturbate them (or vice versa), it would eliminate sexual temptation for them. These reports say Newman also went on to sodomize these boys or perform oral sex on them (or them on him).

If I am understanding the blog coverage and secular news reports correctly, even though the Christians who ran the camp knew (yes, they knew) that this Newman guy was allegedly fondling children, they did nothing about it.

Further (again, if I am understanding the coverage correctly) Newman was later hired to work at Fellowship Memphis Church, a church which (Link): also protected another known sexual deviant who preyed on girls and women within their church during church hours, despite the fact the folks there were aware of his deviant history.

Of course I find child sexual abuse to be horrible, evil, and deviant.

However, the focus of my blog is not child abuse per se.

I tend to focus on the topic of adult singleness and issues that may be of interest to singles – such as how Christians love to discriminate against, or otherwise ignore, singles, and how they promote this bogus notion that married parents are morally superior to single, childless adults. So, when I link to stories about child abuse, it tends to be in a way that relates to singleness.

When I was reading up on this story – mostly skimming articles, I’ve been a little busy lately to devote much time to writing posts for this blog – I noted how some of the promotional work for this Newman guy by Christians at the camp kept emphasizing what  a godly, stand-up guy he supposedly is.

These Christian groups were saying he’s a real great example of “Family Values.”

At one point, the Christians (either the Christian camp or the church, I don’t recall which) had Newman work as a (get this!) speaker about sexual purity for teens at some Christian conference.

Continue reading “Christian Married Father (Promoted by His Christian Employer as being a Family Values Guy) Sexually Assaulted Boys at Christian Camp, Some During Bible Study, Say News Reports – And He Led Sexual Purity Classes for Kids”

Can Someone Really Be a ‘Born-Again Virgin?’ by L. Borreli

Can someone really be a ‘born-again virgin?’ by L. Borreli

I do not support the term or concept of “born again virginity” as I’ve explained in a few previous posts, such as (Link): this one, so I shall not belabor that point here.

(Link): Can Someone Really Be a ‘Born-Again Virgin?’ by L. Borreli via Medical Daily

Excerpts:

  • Is it really possible to become a “born-again virgin” through spiritual and surgical routes?
  • The Social Construct of Virginity
  • The (Link): social construct of virginity will most likely not disappear. People define virginity by what it means to them and what works in accordance to their morals and values. However, the most common definition of virginity for heterosexual women is whether they have had penile-vaginal intercourse.
  • According to (Link): The Kinsey Institute: “Losing one’s virginity is a physical act, whether or not a woman notices any blood from her vagina. The reason why some women bleed when they first have sex is because a thin layer of tissue called the hymen covers part of a woman’s vaginal entrance.”
  • It is believed when a woman has sex, the hymen tears and she may begin to bleed a bit. However, some women don’t have much of this tissue to begin with, or have tissue that has been torn from using tampons, from masturbation, or from being fingered by a partner. This is why looking for blood on the sheet or going to the doctor is a poor way of determining whether or not a woman is a virgin.
  • Born-Again Virgin: What Is It?
  • According to Dictionary.com:
  • “Revirginzation is the process of a sexually active person attempting to regain virgin status by abstaining from sexual relations, esp. during the time just before marriage; also called secondary virginity, revirgination.”
  • UrbanDictionary defines being a born-again virgin like this:
  • “More than a year between sexual relations, with anyone else.”
  • But, how did this label come to be?
  • The concept of born-again virginity started to be embraced in the 1990s and early 2000s as abstinence education took root in public schools.

Continue reading “Can Someone Really Be a ‘Born-Again Virgin?’ by L. Borreli”

A Book Called “Prude” That Uses the Term “Neo Virgin”

A Book Called “Prude” That Uses the Term “Neo Virgin”

An author by the name of Carrie Lloyd was on Christian TV program The 700 Club today. She wrote a book called “Prude” about her choice to remain celibate after having been very sexually active while in her 20s. I think she also used the term “Neo Virgin” on the show and maybe in her book.

I have not read her book, I only saw her interview on the show today.

She was raised in a Christian household, but later drifted away from the Christian faith and then came back to the faith later.

I support her choice to remain celibate until marriage. I don’t have a problem there. However, I have to admit to not being fond of terms such as “Neo Virgin.”

Either you are a virgin or you are not one. I’m over 40 years of age and have never had sexual intercourse, not even with my ex fiance, because I was wanting to wait until marriage to have sex.

I find terms such as “Neo Virgin” or other Christian phrases such as “Born Again Virgin” or “Spiritual Virgin” to be a little demeaning to actual, honest to God virgins such as myself. Such terms dilute the real meaning of, or state of being, a virgin.

I also find it ironic that Christian culture continues to uphold fornicators as experts in how to resist sexual temptation or how to go about sexual purity and celibacy, rather than publish books by honest- to- God virgins who are past the age of 30 or older who are still maintaining their virginity.

Here is a link to a page that discusses Ms. Lloyd’s story and book:

(Link): Making Healthy Relationship Choices in an Unhealthy World

Excerpts:

  • ….Growing up, Carrie was teased about her stance on abstinence.  By the time she entered high school, she was infamous with the boys at the neighboring school as one of the last remaining virgins.  Once her photo was pinned to the school notice board.  She was the target to see which boy could get her to lose her virginity.  Her peers didn’t feel the same way she did.  “No one wanted to save it for one person,” says Carrie.  “This subtle prejudice toward my choices made me more determined to hold out.”
  • …. Meanwhile, women were fighting for someone to love them.  “I call this the curse of Eve,” says Carrie.  The curse says, “Everything will be redeemed once I have found my husband,” and that a woman will be happier having found her purpose.
  • THE DECADENT DAYS
  • Carrie was 18 when her father underwent a serious heart operation so severe it almost killed him and left him with some brain damage.  In his effort to deal with his pain, Carrie’s dad began to drink.  “Seeing my preacher papa enter into substance abuse caused me to question everything he taught,” says Carrie.  “What happened to relying on God?”
  • When she was 23, Carrie’s dad passed away.  One night Carried decided to walk away from God.  She was mad at God and men and started on the path of hurting others.  Several years later, Carrie had several physical relationships and reached the lowest point of her life since her father died.  She prayed to God and heard an inaudible voice that said, I’ve been here all along.  Carrie realized that God had never left her.

According to the rest of the article, and from what I remember from the TV interview, when she decided at some stage in her late 20s (or her 30s?) to remain abstinent, some of the men she dated broke up with her. One guy did stay with her for two years and respected her “no sex until I marry” belief, but the relationship ended, though not due to the celibate aspect.

Here is a page about her book:

(Link):  Prude: Misconceptions Of A Neo-Virgin

  • Overview
  • “SEX. LOVE. VIRGINITY? In the dating game, the V-word has become as strange and complicated as the L-word, with purity as outdated as pay phones.
  • What is an ex-athiest, post-porn addict, unorthodox Christian girl to do these days?
  • How can she create boundaries without scaring off every available guy? Is purity even possible without being puritanical? In this candid, humorous account of the true-life trials of Christian dating, the author shares the wisdom she’s gleaned in her quest for love in a modern world.
  • She guides with grace and honesty through the often hush-hush topics of sex, porn, shame, female competition, misconceptions about purity, and those dreaded “waiting till marriage: conversations.

————————–

Related Posts:

(Link):  Churches Would Rather Hear From Ex Porn Stars Than Adult Celibates or Virgins – Church Invites Ex Porn Star to be Guest Speaker

 (Link):   Why are young feminists so clueless about sex? by M. Wente

(Link): Article: Our Born-Again Virgin Bachelor – Secondary or Spiritual Virginity

(Link): Celebrity Deems Herself A Born Again Virgin And Vows to Stay Celibate “For A Year” – Oh Puh-leaze

(Link):  Woman Says She Refuses to Hook-up with Men ‘For Fun’ – Says Most Men She’s Met Are Willing to Wait

(Link):  How About Using Celibates as Role Models For Celibacy? (Oddity: Christians Holding Up Non-Virgins [Fornicators] As Being Experts or Positive Examples on Sexual Purity)

(Link):  She’s Waiting Until Marriage to Have Sex. Here’s Her Response to Those ‘Inevitable Jerks’ Who Think Her Decision Is ‘Stupid’ – by E. Kahn

(Link):  Sometimes Fornication Can Impact Another Relationship Later – One Example

(Link):  When Adult Virginity and Adult Celibacy Are Viewed As Inconvenient or As Impediments

(Link): Self Control – everyone has it, is capable of it, but most choose not to use it (New Study Says Conservatives Have Better Self Control Than Liberals)

(Link):  Hypocrisy: Secular Pundits Judge Christian Sexuality: Josh Duggar’s So-Called Vanilla Sexual Preferences Deemed Dull

(Link): False Christian Teaching: “Only A Few Are Called to Singleness and Celibacy”

(Link): Statistics Show Single Adults Now Outnumber Married Adults in the United States (2014)

(Link): The Netherworld of Singleness for Some Singles – You Want Marriage But Don’t Want to Be Disrespected or Ignored for Being Single While You’re Single

(Link):  Ever Notice That Christians Don’t Care About or Value Singleness, Unless Jesus Christ’s Singleness and Celibacy is Doubted or Called Into Question by Scholars?

(Link):  Are Single People the Lepers of Today’s Church? by Gina Dalfonzo

(Link):  No Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity – Christians Attack and Criticize Virginity Sexual Purity Celibacy / Virginity Sexual Purity Not An Idol

(Link): Secular, Left Wing Feminist Writer Marcotte on Anyone Choosing To Be a Virgin Until Marriage: “It’s a Silly Idea” – What Progressive Christians, Conservative Christians, Non Christians, and Salon’s Amanda Marcotte Gets Wrong About Christian Views on Virginity

(Link): Want To But Can’t – The One Christian Demographic Being Continually Ignored by Christians | Re: Marriage Not Happening for Hetero-sexual Christians Over the Age of 30

(Link): On ‘Late’-In-Life Virginity Loss (from The Atlantic)

(Link): Why Some People Become 30 Year Old Virgins (Article / Study)

(Link): Virginity Lost, Experience Gained (article with information from study about virginity)

(Link): Some Atheists Are Just As Ignorant About Adult Singleness and Celibacy as Progressive Christians, Secular Feminists, and Protestant Evangelical or Conservative Christians

(Link): Celebrities who waited until marriage to have sex (list 2)

(Link): Living Myths About Virginity – article from The Atlantic

(Link): I Shouldn’t Need An Excuse To Be A Virgin – (Secular Editorial Defends Virginity – More Rare Than a Unicorn Sighting)

(Link): Virgins and Celibates are Sexual – Not Asexual and Androgynous – You don’t have to have sex to possess sexuality

(Link): Asexuality and Asexuals

(Link):  Meagan Good Tells Single Women Why They Should Stop Having Sex

(Link):  Preacher: ‘They Will Know We Are Christians By Our Hot SEX Lives’ – and once more, never-married celibate adults and their experiences, wisdom, and input are ignored

(Link):  Want To Grow Your Church? Advertise Sex (Story via A Little Leaven Blog)

(Link):  The Decisive Marriage – Study Says Couples Who Don’t Have Pre-Marital Sex, or Not Much or Not Many Sexual Partners Pre-Marriage, Have Better Quality or Longer Lasting Marriages

(Link): Weak Argument Against Celibacy / Virginity / Sexual Purity by the Anti Sexual Purity Gestapo – Sexual Compatibility or Incompatibility – (i.e., Taking Human Beings For Test Spins – Humans As Sexual Commodities) (Part 2)

(Link):   Stop Pretending Sex Never Hurts, By D.C. McAllister

(Link):  The Myth of Safe Sex by D. Foley

‘Old Fashioned’: Your Christian-Friendly, Kink-Free Alternative to ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’

‘Old Fashioned’: Your Christian-Friendly, Kink-Free Alternative to ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’

Yeah. And so many conservative Christians (and goodness knows the more liberal ones) insist that Christians are obsessed with virginity or make virginity an idol? No, no they don’t – the church is obsessed with SEX. Another piece of evidence:

(Link): Make Chaste: How the Faith-Based Counterpart to 50 Shades of Grey Came to Be

As a chaste single, who was totally Christian until about a year ago, I have little to no interest in seeing this movie. And I’m the target demo, supposedly (unless they are aiming only for 20 year old virgins and nobody over age 30?)

More links about the film:

(Link): New film “Old Fashioned” is 50 Shades of Grey for Christians, claims its creator

    Rik Swartzwelder says the movie – which will be released simultaneously with its rival – is more spiritual than sexual – a love story without BDSM

(Link): Faith Based Romance “Old Fashioned” Battles 50 Shades of Grey on Valentine’s Day

(Link): ‘Fifty Shades’ to be Challenged by Faith-Based Romance

(Link): Old Fashioned: 50 Shades of Grey without BDSM

(Link): ‘Old Fashioned’: Your Christian-Friendly, Kink-Free Alternative to ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’

Excerpt:

    If the (very tame) trailer for Fifty Shades of Grey made you clutch your pearls in horror, there’s a movie for you: Old Fashioned, a Christian romance opening against the bondage flick.

    Did you watch the new trailer for Fifty Shades of Grey and immediately think to yourself, “That looks okay, I guess, but instead of a parade of seductive stares, bondage, and Beyoncé, I’d much rather go see a chaste, Christian-friendly love story on Valentine’s Day next year?”

    If that was somehow you, your prayers have been answered.
    Variety reports that Freestyle Releasing, which distributed the successful anti-atheism, Duck-Dynasty-stars-featuring film God’s Not Dead, is serving up a Christian-friendly alternative to the kink and glamour of the Fifty Shades of Grey film adaptation.

    The indie flick—titled Old Fashioned — is also set for release on Valentine’s Day 2015, and follows the romance between a reformed frat bro and free-spirited lady.

    Freestyle co-president Mark Borde says the film specifically targets the “underserved” Christian-singles community. “Chivalry makes a comeback,” reads the film’s tagline.

    “I wanted to tell a love story that takes the idea of godly romance seriously,” Rik Swartzwelder, writer, director, and star, told Variety.

———————–
Related posts:

(Link): Goodbye to romance: Are rom-coms worse than porn? (How Hollywood Feeds Into People’s Tendency to Idolize Marriage and Turn a Spouse Into a Deity)

(Link): Sex, movies and the desperate attempt to shock audiences. (Hint: it’s not working.) by A. Hornaday

(Link): Virgin Shaming: Hollywood’s Attack on Purity (by B. Bowen)

(Link): Christian Hollywood Rorschach – seeing Jesus in every single show, movie, or fictional character

(Link): Movie About Female Virginity – The To Do List – released July or August 2013

Another cruddy Christian “Have We Made an Idol Out of Sexual Purity?” editorial (this time, from Relevant magazine) – And An Analogy For Married Christians Who Don’t Get It

Another cruddy Christian “Have We Made an Idol Out of Sexual Purity?” editorial (this time, from Relevant magazine) – And An Analogy For Married Christians Who Don’t Get It

The analogy is way, way down the page. I might put it in a separate post in the future.

First, a word about terminology. This is a somewhat minor point I make in passing, but it’s recurrent on various Christian blogs I visit, it drives me nuts, so I wanted to point it out.

Other Christians are very confused about the phrase “sexual purity.” They want to argue that “sexual purity” is not the same thing as “virginity,” but in articles like this one I link to below, they go on to equate “sexual purity” to virginity themselves.

The lady who wrote the following insists that sexual purity is not the same thing as virginity, or should not be thought of as such, but then says that you are not damaged goods, or your sexual purity is not lost, over a single act (ie, having sex, ie, which is defined as, or understood as, losing your virginity prior to marriage).

So… authors like this one argues ( the symbol != is computer coding / scripting language for “is not equal to”),

sexual purity != virginity
But that
sexual purity = virginity

Christian authors who are trying to say that virginity is not all that important in the end scheme of things cannot themselves even stay consistent on the point of whether or not to consider
virginity = sexual purity (or as a sub-set of).

They flip flop on this point a lot. If you don’t believe that sexual purity = virginity, why bother lovingly patting the heads of fornicators to reassure them that losing one’s virginity before marriage is nothing to feel ashamed about?

Why not just write a big old editorial denying that sexual purity is the same thing as staying a virgin until marriage, or why not try to argue that the Bible does not prohibit pre-marital boinking?

The link to the odious editorial by a Christian publication (I have additional comments below the long excerpt):
(Link): Have We Made an Idol Out of Sexual Purity? Why purity is so much more than virginity. BY DEBRA K FILETA

Excerpts:

If you grew up in church, you’ve likely heard one of these horrific analogies somewhere along the way:

Your sexual purity, once it’s given away is like…

“Tape that’s lost it’s stickiness.”

“Paper that’s been torn.”

“Gum that’s been chewed.”

“A gift that’s been unwrapped.”

While I get the mentality behind these messages, my problem with these analogies, and in fact, this entire discussion, is that it presents “purity” as a one-dimensional physical act.

First you have it, then you don’t. Vanished. Gone. Over. Done with. In a blink of an eye, the prospect of being “pure” and holy has been wiped away.

This mentality is so dangerous because it fools us into believing that our entire worth as believers and as “eligible” bachelors/bachelorettes is wrapped up on this one, single part of who we are.

Please don’t misunderstand, I believe it is important to honor God with our bodies, but since when did our holiness have anything to do with who we are, instead of everything to do with who Christ is?

— end article excerpts—

I left a few comments on that page, including:

christianpundit commented…

No, Christians have not made an idol out of sexual purity, not even when using analogies about chewed up gum and so forth. I’m over 40 years of age, still a virgin, because I was waiting until marriage to have sex but am still single.

In the past several years, Christians (seemingly influenced by secular feminists and “slut shaming” rhetoric) have been criticizing virginity, virgins, and celibacy and mocking these concepts and saying they are unimportant.

We’ve now arrived at a situation where Christians (and Non Christians) demand and expect everyone to respect all forms of sexual behavior and sexual expression EXCEPT FOR virginity and celibacy.

Adult singleness is also under attack, from everyone from Al Mohler (who slams singleness in his interviews) to guys like pastor Mark Driscoll who blogs the unbiblical view that single people cannot and should not serve as preachers.

Driscoll also wrongly teaches in one of his blog posts that older, adult celibate adults lack sex drives because God supposedly, magically removed their sex drive (this is false; single adults over 30 still experience sexual desire).

Further, Driscoll holds the unbiblical, wacko strange view that if a person is still single over 30, that God has destined them for singleness, and at that, to martyr them off for spreading the Gospel in some deep jungle, in some remote nation. None of this is supported in the Bible.

Christians are attacking singleness, virginity, and celibacy; they are most certainly NOT making an idol out of any of these things, and I wish Christian bloggers, magazines, and authors would stop arguing otherwise.

Continue reading “Another cruddy Christian “Have We Made an Idol Out of Sexual Purity?” editorial (this time, from Relevant magazine) – And An Analogy For Married Christians Who Don’t Get It”

Sexual Purity, Virginity, and Celibacy As Product – and: Christian Myths That Are Keeping Marriage Minded Single Women Single Courtesy Dannah Gresh

Sexual Purity, Virginity, and Celibacy As Product

I didn’t intend on blogging anything more tonight, but I just made a post about modesty (this one, (Link): “Sexualizing Modesty – Christians Defeating the Purpose”). I noticed in the Right Wing Watch article linked to in that post that it mentioned Dannah Gresh.

Dannah Gresh does guest posts at The Christian Post about sexuality, where she promotes abstinence/ celibacy / chastity/ virginity, and talks about the dangers of pre-marital sex.

If I am remembering rightly, I think the first post I saw that mentioned her discussed how she had sex as a teenager but now goes around as a guest speaker at churches and schools promoting sexual purity. I believe that was what prompted me to come up with the tag for this blog of “fornicators used as sexual role models.”

I find it so absurd that Christians appear to have a preference for fornicators acting as role models for virgin youth (hiring them as speakers for youth groups about the importance of sexual purity), rather than getting an actual, literal, adult virgin who is over age 30, to give advice, write books on the topic, or act as speaker.

It is not that I am against Christians speaking up in defense of celibacy or virginity, or in pointing out that pre marital or casual sex can have negative outcomes, but this Gresh woman seems to be making a living off the entire thing, and that bothers me (like the TV preachers who pimp the Gospel for a buck).

There seems to be something a little unsavory about making a cottage industry, making profit, off promoting celibacy/ virginity/ sexual purity.

I’ve blogged about this Gresh woman before, such as:

    (Link):

Fifty Shades of Feminine Hypocrisy – editorial by Gresh, discusses slut shaming, rape culture, modesty – has points I agree and disagree with

(Link): Sexual Purity Under Attack in Nation’s Schools, Says Christian Author Dannah Gresh

(Link): Christians Blaming the Woman – again: Regarding: How Women Can Make Church a Safe Place for Men by D. Gresh

(Link): How About Using Celibates as Role Models For Celibacy? (Oddity: Christians Holding Up Non-Virgins [Fornicators] As Being Experts or Positive Examples on Sexual Purity)

I think I have one or two other posts about Gresh, or that mention her, but I cannot find them at the moment.

According to my previous post, (Link): “Sexualizing Modesty – Christians Defeating the Purpose”), Gresh now has an entire web site devoted to the topic of sexual purity and/or modesty, here:

(Link): Secret Keeper Girl

That “Secret Keeper Girl” site has a link to a “store” page on it, where merchandise is being sold (as I skim the page today, there are several books by Gresh for sale).

Here is a screen cap for one of her books from that page:

Screen shot of Book Advertisement
Screen shot of Book Advertisement

According to (Link): the page of that site selling that book:

    Discover how to get so lost in God that a guy has to seek Him to find you.

Dannah Gresh traces God’s language of love through Scripture to help you pursue your heart’s deepest desires and seek love the way God designed it to be. Because once you identify your true longings and let God answer them, you’ll know just how to respond when romantic love comes along.

With a guided ten-day Love Feast Challenge, Get Lost will help you see for yourself how getting lost in God opens the door to lifelong fulfillment.

Sigh. This is similar to the sort of thing I read and often heard as a teen-aged Christian girl and into my twenties (in no particular order, and some Christians imply it more than state it out right): be such a faithful, good, sexually pure Christian girl, put God first in your life, put other people first, and in due time, God will send a Christian Mr. Right your way.

And, if you have followed this blog, you already know my story: I’m over 40, was engaged, still a virgin, and never married, though I had wanted to be.

I certainly did all the things Christians advise young ladies to do who hope for marriage: I put God first, lived a clean life style, prayed to God for a spouse, waited, attended church, etc. etc. etc. And yet, I am still single.

Upon reflection, I think I should have pursued marriage. Not sat back, crossing my fingers, hoping God would act and send me Mr. Right.

Continue reading “Sexual Purity, Virginity, and Celibacy As Product – and: Christian Myths That Are Keeping Marriage Minded Single Women Single Courtesy Dannah Gresh”

Dude Vows Abstinence for a Year, Finds Out It’s Not That Difficult

Dude Vows Abstinence for a Year, Finds Out It’s Not That Difficult

My take on being celibate (I’m a virgin and over 40 years of age): yes, it is difficult at times but not freaking impossible. I resent the pastors who say, “Oh, if you’re single past 40 and celibate, God gifted you with celibacy, so that God must have removed your sex drive, so that you find it easy peasy going without sex.” ~ WRONG.

But then you have 99% of other people, Christian and Non, who think “OMG, it is IMPOSSIBLE to go without sex for two days! It is a super human feat!! Nobody can live without sex.” ~ WRONG.

Both extremes are wrong, wrong, wrong.

I offer you that intro because the title of one of the pages I am linking you to below says that the guy who tried celibacy for a year “didn’t find it difficult.”

I’m sure at times he missed having sex, but found out that abstaining as not IMPOSSIBLE a thing that only asexuals or supermen can achieve.

Having said that, here are the links:

(Link): WHAT I LEARNED AFTER GIVING UP SEX FOR A YEAR

    Peter Lynagh learned that no matter how hard chastity can get, it pays off in the end.

    By James Joiner on July 22, 2014

    34-year-old Peter Lynagh did the unthinkable – he gave up sex, and all sexual contact short of kissing, for a year on a wager with his roommate.

    No, that’s not the plot of a romantic comedy… Okay, actually, it kind of is. But this is real life, and he did it, ultimately, for a good cause – his self-sacrifice raised over $50,000, and counting, for Free To Shine, a non-profit that works to provide alternatives to sex slavery for Cambodian girls. Here, he weighs in on what it was like, and how it has left him a changed man.

    … A lot of girls, they knew about it, so they were trying to break me. That wasn’t easy, I was out a few nights with the boys and they had to pull me away. Everything goes hand-in-hand. Drinking, going out, it’s all part of it. I was really the most healthy I’ve ever been last year.

    I started dating this girl. Don’t ask me why. She didn’t want a piece of me the year before, I think it was because I was trying to get in her knickers, and then this year because I couldn’t she was more interested. It was just so frustrating, because kissing just leads to… You know how it is. I nearly did break it with her, I was like, “I don’t give a fck about the charity!” I was like a man possessed; physiology and biology just took over. But I’m so glad she stopped me.

    Ultimately I went through a spiritual consciousness shift. A bit of an awakening, you might call it. I want to help more. I want to set up my own social enterprise or charity… Transcendental meditation has changed my life. I saw a quote from the Dalai Lama that said if every 8-year-old learned how to meditate, world peace would happen in just one generation, so that’s given me a bit of inspiration.

    Continue reading “Dude Vows Abstinence for a Year, Finds Out It’s Not That Difficult”

Married Youth Pastor Jailed for Sexually Assaulting Teen Girl Writes Editorial About Said Abuse for Christianity Today, Uproar Ensues On Christian Blogs

Married Youth Pastor Jailed for Sexually Assaulting Teen Girl Writes Editorial About Said Abuse for Christianity Today, Uproar Ensues On Christian Blogs
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Don’t forget, I may not be blogging as much or as often in the future, if at all.
See this link (Link): [Blog Break] for more info.

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There has been an uproar the last day or so, ever since Christianity Today published a long page by a jailed sex offender who preyed on a teen girl.

I don’t know the man’s name because the piece was published anonymously. I shall here after refer to the author, the convicted sex offender, as “Mr. Perverted Youth Pastor,” or “Mr. PYP” for short.

The author of the piece, Mr. PYP, is in his 30s, and he worked as a youth pastor. He was jailed for statutory rape of one of his female church students under his charge, a young lady he began to groom for exploitation when she was around 11 or 12 years old.

Mr. PYP said in his piece published by Christianity Today that he found the attention from the young lady flattering and intoxicating, and felt his wife was not paying him enough attention, and IIRC, I think he mentioned that the wife was not putting out enough (sexually), or whatever. (I only skimmed the guy’s story, I did not read all of it closely.)

The thing is, a grown man of age 30 should not be seeking validation from an 11 or 16 year old girl – that is not only morally wrong, perverted, and gross, but absolutely pathetic.

I think the editors at Christianity Today intended for this pervert’s essay to be a helpful warning to Christian men not to get too close to women (or something along those lines), and which unfortunately also plays into false stereotypes about the genders, but the guy who wrote the page, Mr. PYP, never fully and unambiguously owns his sin, moral failing, and crime, so it comes across as though he’s excusing and justifying his behavior.

There’s a bit of “victim blaming” in the piece on Mr. PYP’s part, where he uses terminology such as,
“When WE [he and the young lady he was victimizing] decided to end the affair, I felt that…”

I don’t feel like summarizing the guy’s entire story and situation on my blog, so click here to read his page (“My Easy Trip from Youth Minister to Felon”) and read it for yourself.

The aspect of this story I am interested in for the purpose of this blog is that here he is, he is a married adult (with, IIRC, a kid of his own), he worked as a pastor, and yet he also sexually exploited a young lady, and I will explain further below why this interests me.

Another aspect I am interested in regarding this story is that Mr. PYP does not take full responsibility for his actions in the piece, and he classifies his sexual exploitation of the young lady as an “extra martial affair.”

Now, I, to a point, do regard his actions towards her as an “extra marital affair” because he was a MARRIED man who was sleeping with this girl – he was in fact sleeping around on his wife, but of course, his actions are more than just a standard extra-martial affair, because he was taking advantage of a young lady.

In my opinion, his actions contain traits of both situations, sexual abuse as well as an extra-marital affair.

There are a few other writers online who disagree with my view on this; they think his actions were 100% sexual abuse and that the phrase “extra marital affair” should not even be used when discussing this case, but I never- the- less see a tinge of extra-marital affair in the situation as well (but on the man’s part only; I am not blaming the girl at all).

I am simply saying that yes, while Mr. PYP did sexually abuse a teen girl, that in doing so, he also violated his marital vows to his wife to remain faithful to the wife – which to me can categorize his actions as being an affair as well as being sexual abuse.

Why I am interested in this story:

As I have pointed out time and time again on the blog, Christians have several falsehoods and fairy tales and stereotypes about marriage, sex, dating, gender relations, and whom they feel a Christian should marry.

Many conservative Christians believe that married people are immune from sexual sin. Christians falsely believe if a man is married, he must be getting steady, regular, hot sexy sex from his wife, and he therefore will not use porn, fondle kids, or have mistresses. This is of course naive and incorrect, because even men married to sexy wives, who get regular, great sex from the wife, still use porn and have affairs.

Continue reading “Married Youth Pastor Jailed for Sexually Assaulting Teen Girl Writes Editorial About Said Abuse for Christianity Today, Uproar Ensues On Christian Blogs”

Christian Mouthpiece – Russell Moore – Who Says Christians Are Prideful About Virginity Has Audacity to Make Pro Sexual Purity Arguments on TGC (Gospel Coalition) Site

Christian Mouthpiece Who Says Christians Are Prideful About Virginity Has Audacity to Make Pro Sexual Purity Arguments on TGC (Gospel Coalition) Site

Russell Moore is being a hypocrite on this topic. He speaks out of both sides of his mouth about it.

(Link): Can We Trade Sexual Morality for Church Growth? by Russell Moore, hosted on TGC site

Here is an excerpt or two from that page with observations by me below the excerpts:

    by Russell Moore

    From time to time we hear some telling us that evangelical Christianity must retool our sexual ethic if we’re ever going to reach the next generation.

    Some say that Millennials, particularly, are leaving the church because of our “obsession” with sexual morality. The next generation needs a more flexible ethic, they say, on premarital sex, homosexuality, and so on. We’ll either adapt, the line goes, or we’ll die.

    …Always Difficult

    The same is true with a Christian sexual ethic. Sexual morality didn’t become difficult with the onset of the sexual revolution. It always has been. Walking away from our own lordship, or from the tyranny of our desires, has always been a narrow way. The rich young ruler wanted a religion that would promise him his best life now, extended out into eternity. But Jesus knew that such an existence isn’t life at all, just the zombie corpse of the way of the flesh. He came to give us something else, to join us to his own life.

    …But even if it “worked” to negotiate away sexual morality for church growth, we wouldn’t do it. We can only reach Millennials, and anyone else, by reaching them with the gospel, good news for repentant sinners through the shed blood and empty tomb of Jesus Christ.

    If we have to choose between Millennials and Jesus, we choose Jesus.

    …No Amendment

    Some think the Christian sexual ethic is akin to our congregation’s constitution and by-laws, that it can be amended by a two-thirds vote. But this isn’t the case. Sexuality isn’t ancillary to the gospel but is itself an embodied icon of the gospel, pointing us to the union of Christ and his church (Eph. 5:29-32).

    This is why the Bible speaks of sexual immorality as having profound spiritual consequences (1 Cor. 6:17-20), ultimately leading, if not repented of, to exile from the kingdom of God (1 Cor. 6:9-10).

    Sexual immorality isn’t simply a matter of neurons firing. A Christian view of reality means that the body is a temple, set apart to be a dwelling place for the Holy Spirit. Sexual immorality isn’t just bad for us (although it is); it’s also an act of desecrating a holy place.

And Moore’s editorial goes on like that for several additional paragraphs.

I don’t think a guy who advises Christian virgins that they are “idolizing” virginity if they are upset or disappointed that their betrothed is a non-virgin – as Moore has done preivously (see link below) – is really in a place to opine about how churches should not “trade sexual morality for church growth.”

Even sadder is that a well-known Christian apologetics group was tweeting a link to this Moore editorial yesterday, as though they approve of it.

I tweeted them a link to my rebuttal:
(Link): Christians Who Attack Virginity Celibacy and Sexual Purity – and specifically Russell D. Moore and James M. Kushiner

A person who claims to represent Christian sexual ethics and who scolds a virgin Christian for wanting, or hoping, to marry another Christian virgin, and accusing her of “idolizing virginity” or “being prideful” about it, has no place to write

    “Sexual immorality isn’t simply a matter of neurons firing. A Christian view of reality means that the body is a temple, set apart to be a dwelling place for the Holy Spirit. Sexual immorality isn’t just bad for us (although it is); it’s also an act of desecrating a holy place”

and similar things.

Continue reading “Christian Mouthpiece – Russell Moore – Who Says Christians Are Prideful About Virginity Has Audacity to Make Pro Sexual Purity Arguments on TGC (Gospel Coalition) Site”

Las Vegas Police message to young girls: Have premarital sex and risk death or become a prostitute

Las Vegas Police message to young girls: Have premarital sex and risk death or become a prostitute

h/t SCCL Facebook group for this story, where there is some gnashing of teeth, incredulity, and chortling at this story ((Link): in this thread).

As someone who thinks the Bible teaches one should remain a virgin until marriage, I do think this story is a little strange.

At first glance, some of this group’s claims sound a wee bit far fetched, but the majority of Christian testimonies I’ve seen on TV sound similar to what the story is saying: some girl says she started having pre-marital sex while a teen and ended up getting into prostitution later, or stripping at clubs, or appearing in pornography.

I’ve seen C.D.C. reports that sexually transmitted infections are on the rise, so for some people, extra-marital sex does have consequences.

So I don’t think it’s entirely “out there” to suggest that women can and do end up as hookers or in porn, if they start out having consensual pre-marital sex.

Some women go that route because they were neglected as kids – that is one common theme these women mention who give these sex testimonies.

The typical testimony is that Mom and Dad divorced, or Dad was there but was constantly critical or ignored the daughter, so the young lady looked to other men for confirmation beginning in her teens or possibly 20s, and they used sex to get that attention.

I also note that apparently, male virginity and male purity were not discussed in these stories, the implication being that these are things only that females need to be concerned about.

I’m not sure if the proposed “Choose Courage” thing planned for males mentioned below is about sexual purity, or what. The article seems to suggest that it is, but I’m not sure.

(Link): Metro Police message to young girls: Have premarital sex, risk death

    By Bethany Barnes (contact) Bethany Barnes
    Sunday, May 4, 2014 | 2 a.m.

    Girls who “get promiscuous” can wind up dead.

    That was the message behind the Metro Police co-sponsored “Choose Purity” event Saturday at the William Pearson Center in North Las Vegas.

    “Choose Purity” aimed to show young girls what can happen when they don’t wait until marriage to have sex, according to Officer Regina Coward, president of the Nevada Black Police Association, who said she’d been asked by her church, Victory Outreach Church, to create a community event to go along with its abstinence message.

    So what does Coward say happens? Typically four things: sexual assault, gangs, drugs and prostitution.

    Avoid sex and avoid those perils, Coward said.

    Continue reading “Las Vegas Police message to young girls: Have premarital sex and risk death or become a prostitute”

Why Abstinence Isn’t Working in America by Guy Chmiesleki – Also: My additional views on the matter

Why Abstinence Isn’t Working in America by Guy Chmiesleki

(Link): Why Abstinence Isn’t Working in America

Excerpts (these are only portions; click the link above to read the whole page):

    The call to young Christians to be abstinent until marriage is not working.

    Why do I say that?

    The September/October 2011 issue of Relevant Magazine, in an article entitled (Almost) Everyone’s Doing It, starts with the following revelation:

    Eighty percent of young, unmarried Christians have had sex. Two-thirds have been sexually active in the past year.

    Even though, according to a recent Gallup poll, 76% of Evangelicals believe sex outside of marriage is morally wrong.

80% of young, unmarried Christians have had sex… Wow! 66% of them have been sexually active in the past year. And yet three-quarters of Evangelical Christians believe this is wrong.

In January of 2011 I wrote a post on my blog entitled, “Is sex before marriage really a sin?” I did this because I had increasingly been asked by “committed Christians” whether or not this was true — and where it said so in the Bible.

I figured that other campus ministers, pastors, parents, professors, etc. (the primary target of my blog) were likely experiencing something similar.

To my surprise, this post blew up and became the most viewed post on my blog for 2011. In fact, some version of “is sex before marriage a sin” or “is sex before marriage really a sin” shows up in the “key words” search of my google analytics (it’s a blog stat tracker — sorry for the nerdy blog lingo) multiple times everyday. Everyday!

And I’m quite certain that it’s not a bunch of non-Christians out there googling these words in an attempt to find justification for their sexually-free lifestyle.

No. It’s Christians who are single and either having sex, or really wanting to have sex, who are looking for justification… OR it’s someone who cares about them and is trying to find something definitive to read, study and point their sexually-active loved one towards.

A big part of the problem with abstinence is that it’s only half of the picture.

Christian pastors and parents are telling their kids to abstain from having sex (making it sound bad, or even evil), or to wait on sex until they are married (not considering that some –many — won’t ever get married…

or will have to wait for a long time before they say “I do”), and they’re not giving them any suggestions about how to deal with all of the natural urges and inclinations their young bodies are constantly bombarding them with.

This is why I like the idea of celibacy over abstinence. Celibacy includes the premise of abstinence — in that you need to hold off on sexual activity until marriage (should that happen for them… someday) — but it adds to it the bigger, more inclusive notion that for now (and for always) we can delight ourselves in God. We abstain from sexual activity and redirect those energies towards our pursuit of Jesus.

Continue reading “Why Abstinence Isn’t Working in America by Guy Chmiesleki – Also: My additional views on the matter”

The Chump Lady Blog – covers some of the same ground this blog does -discusses Jesus Cheaters (Christians Who Have Affairs), other issues

The Chump Lady Blog – covers some of the same ground this blog does

I’ve so far only skimmed about two posts at the “Chump Lady” blog, but from what I did see, it sort of reminds me of mine.

As I’ve not read the entire blog, I cannot say if I agree with all the views expressed at the blog.

The woman who owns the blog says her father was a Methodist minister, but like my blog as of late, you will find the occasional “F” word on her blog and other profanities, so be aware of that if you are a delicate flower Christian who blushes easily at naughty words – but don’t let that deter you from her blog.

The blog mostly doles out advice to married people who have been cheated on by their spouses.

Even if you are a never married Christian, I think you can learn from some of this blog, especially if you are dating.

As far as the “Jesus Cheaters” (Christians who have extra marital affairs) page below, you’ll note the number of Christian husbands (and one or two wives mentioned) who cheated on their spouse, which betrays the Christian propaganda that “married sex is so mind blowing, it will keep you faithful to your spouse.”

Please note also comments by one woman whose husband cheated on her, shows no remorse, continues to play the part of pious Christian, and she says,

    A true Christian would feel consumed with guilt, would be working on repentance, and would be trying to make amends. Hypocrisy is his middle name….

Yeah, see, that is one of my points: I am alarmed to see the number of Christians arguing against fidelity, virginity, and chastity, because, they argue, to keep harping on those topics makes the self-professing Christian fornicators and adulterers feel guilty, ashamed, and bad about themselves.

Well, good! If you sleep around outside of marriage (I am including pre-marital sex in this), and you do not feel any shame or remorse, there is something wrong with you. I wrote a little about this topic previously, here:

Here’s the home page:

(Link): Chump Lady Blog

Posts of particular interest at that blog:

If you are in a relationship and being cheated on, I recommend this page:

(Link): The Unified Theory of Cake

(Link): When Unicorns Meet Ashley Madison… [site for married people to hook up to have affairs]

Note (sadly), especially in the comments on this page, the sheer, staggering number of Christians who say they were cheated on by their Christian spouse – some also say after they dumped their cheating spouse their churches shunned them:

(Link): Jesus Cheaters in the News

Excerpts:

    Now I know folks are going to bring up the failings of cheaters on the left, odious narcissists as well, undoubtably. But there is something unique about the Jesus cheaters, who not only use religion and “family values” as short-hand for “I’m an honorable person, elect me!”, but then use their religiosity to beat up on anyone would disagree with them. What’s more narcissistic than assuming you’re the word of God and he speaks directly to you?

    Still more disgusting is the way these men (sorry, I’ve yet to see a woman cheater publicly outed this way) assume that their wives are sticking with them. Give us time while “we” work through this! Suddenly it’s a “we” problem. Of course it is. Chumpy wives, pastor or political, are still of use to their narcissists.

A reader left a comment on that page which reads,

    by Lisah April 9, 2014 at 5:16 am

    I am new here. My stbx [soon to be ex] is a classic “Jesus cheater”.

    After supporting him through 7 years of education to become a minister he dumped me 6 weeks into his new career.

    He left me homeless and terribly emotionally crippled in a strange city with no rights to the house we lived in at the time.

    Oh yes, his “justafriend” is a Minister too! And her family was torn apart for their tru luv as well. Did the church Do anything??? No…

Continue reading “The Chump Lady Blog – covers some of the same ground this blog does -discusses Jesus Cheaters (Christians Who Have Affairs), other issues”

More Snarky Virgin – and Celibate – Shaming, Courtesy the “The anti-purity movement” Facebook Group – the blog page “My Secondary Virginity” – and a Proud Slut Parody

More Snarky Virgin- and Celibate- Shaming, Courtesy the “The anti-purity movement” Facebook Group and the blog page “My Secondary Virginity” – also: A Proud Slut Parody

Notice: this post contains some adult, racy, salty language – and some raunchy, sexual content

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Link to the Facebook group:
(Link): The anti-purity movement

I do see one or two articles on the group I think I would probably agree with (just by going title alone, I have not read the pages), such as:

    But I need to ask, “Is it the purity culture that is to blame? Or is it the purity message?” A culture contains fallen humans and so any “culture” can become oppressive.

    I need to know if it is the purity message itself that is causing the harm. I want to address the factors that I think are causing the pain, but also look at the alternative.

    If we throw away purity culture, what will take its place and will the alternative be any better?

The person behind that group (the Anti Purity Facebook group) links to something on their Facebook group called:

“No Shame Movement” (noshamemovement), whose tag line is, “No Shame Movement functions as a platform to share stories of unlearning purity culture.”

I counter that with:
(Link): Sometimes Shame Guilt and Hurt Feelings Over Sexual Sins Is a Good Thing – but – Emergents, Liberals Who Are Into Virgin and Celibate Shaming

Here is a page that satirizes the idea of virginity until marriage – the person at the “The anti-purity movement” Facebook group is very fond of this page; the group owner said ((Link): source),

    This is the best, snarkiest, most perfect post about “second virginity”, and the author wins the internet with it. Absolute perfection.

The page starts out ridiculing “secondary” virginity (which I’ve written about a few times on my own blog, such as (Link): this post and (Link): this post and a few others), in which they might have had a legitimate basis for critiquing, but, their opening salvo can also be applied to actual virgins – so I have to give them a big “fail” on the parts that can apply equally to true virginity.

Continue reading “More Snarky Virgin – and Celibate – Shaming, Courtesy the “The anti-purity movement” Facebook Group – the blog page “My Secondary Virginity” – and a Proud Slut Parody”

Long Editorial about Virginity at CT – Don’t Blame Evangelicals for the Cult of the Virgin – I Notice It’s the Fornicators Who Want to Ignore or Downplay the Bible’s Teaching that People Are To Stay Virgins Until Marriage

Long Editorial about Virginity at CT – Don’t Blame Evangelicals for the Cult of the Virgin

I am not in complete agreement with all points raised in this editorial farther below.

In particular, I disagree with this view (among a few other portions of the essay):

    Additionally, Christians should extol obedience— in all its forms— not virginity. Chastity is, after all, an act of obedience

Yes, virginity should in fact be extolled; currently in Christian culture, as well as this very editorial, it is being disrespected and downplayed.

You know the Christians who do not want virginity upheld, valued and extolled? None of them were virgins when they married.

The people who have failed at the Biblical command to remain virgins until marriage are the ones who want the teaching ignored or watered down.

You may possibly be able to find some Christian somewhere, who stayed a virgin past age 35, who feels Christians should ditch or downplay the virginity teachings and stop esteeming virginity, but by and large, most of the people I am seeing talking smack about virginity are fornicators.

Some are self-admitted: they will tell you they boinked around a lot as teen aged kids and hearing sexual purity lessons in Bible class when they were 18 or 25 years of age hurt their feelings or made them feel ashamed.

This is like a convicted thief telling Christians,

    “Look, I’m 35 years old now. When I was a teen ager, I robbed a lot of convenience stores and a few banks.

All those sermons I heard against theft when I was 18 or 25, and all the lessons on how stealing is wrong I heard at age 19 in Sunday School, made me feel so dirty and ashamed!

Therefore, I think Christians should stop condemning theft and esteeming honesty in particular and just speak in very generic terms about being ethical in a very vague way.”

That is what fornicators, those who had pre-martial sex, are asking the rest of Christian culture to do in regards to sexual sin and virginity.

And it makes no sense to me why Christians should stop condemning “sin X” or stop extolling “virtue Z” just because some have failed to do “Z” or feel guilty about “X.”

I am not sure I am comfortable or trusting of sexual sinners dictating to the rest of the Christian community how churches should be discussing or handling topics such as sexual sin and virginity. (It also reminds one of this: (Link): How About Using Celibates as Role Models For Celibacy? (Oddity: Christians Holding Up Non-Virgins [Fornicators] As Being Experts or Positive Examples on Sexual Purity)))

Virginity is a form of obedience, how odd the writer of this piece assumes otherwise.

Oddly, while this paper at “Christianity Today” portends to defend virginity in some fashion, it actually puts virginity down by saying virginity is a lost cause and Christians should really only support a broader concept of purity or chastity. ~Way to abandon adults who have remained virgins past age 35, author of this web page.

(Link): Don’t Blame Evangelicals for the Cult of the Virgin

    As the saying goes, we didn’t start the fire.
    by Karen Swallow Prior

Even in the midst of a sexual revolution, of a generation drawn to open relationships, hookup culture, and “polyamory,” virginity still enthralls.
Yet another beautiful young woman is auctioning hers off.

The cable show My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding juxtaposes a cultural expectation to maintain virginity until marriage with a flashy celebration on the day-of. Feminist defenses of virginity crop up on edgy websites. A burgeoning academic field is devoted to (Link): “virginity studies.” Even the “first kiss” video that recently went viral is but a variation on the “first time” theme.

In the midst of this, younger evangelicals question the church’s message to encourage Christians to maintain “purity” until marriage. They have a point: some of our efforts cross the line between encouraging chastity and venerating virginity. But as the examples above show, making an idol out of virginity is a problem that’s much bigger than evangelicalism.

A recent (Link): article [Naked and Ashamed: Women and Evangelical Purity Culture] at The Other Journal that details virginity’s history in the church moves toward correcting a myopic vision that can’t see past the pews of personal experience to the broader historical and cultural contexts. Yet, the exaltation of virginity for virginity’s sake began, and continues, well outside the church.

Rather than merely an evangelical hang-up, our adoration of virginity is a universal impulse with a long tradition.

Throughout human history, virgins have been worshipped in paintings, sculptures, poetry, prose, and song. Today’s church needs to do a better job at distinguishing between biblical and cultural views of virginity to develop a robust theology of the body, human sexuality, and chastity.

Chastity, sexual abstinence outside of marriage and faithfulness within it, has been a distinctive of the Christian church since its beginnings, brought into sharp relief by an array of sexual practices found in the surrounding pagan cultures.

Unlike the balanced view of sexuality offered by the church—as a gift that promotes human flourishing when expressed within the limits of its Creator’s design—ancient sexual practices embraced the extremes: homosexual pederasty, for example, on one end and sacred virginity on the other.

…Fascination with virginity is by no means limited to medieval Catholics, courtiers, and queens—and virginity was no less fashionable in the modern era.

In the Victorian age, women were caught in a double bind: in her idealized role as wife and mother, the Victorian woman couldn’t, of course, be a perpetual virgin and fulfill those roles, so she was exalted instead as the “Angel in the House.”

In the meantime, a thriving prostitution industry arose, perpetuating a dichotomous view of women as either angels or whores and nothing in between.

… Christians, of course, are commanded to live chaste lives before and during marriage. But when we decontextualize the purpose and meaning of virginity or attempt to promote it through guilt or gimmicks, the church reflects ancient myths and modern fetishes more than biblical principles.

While there’s no formula for how Christians can encourage chastity without accommodating cultural practices that are at odds with biblical principles, a few guidelines come to mind.

First, chastity is best cultivated within the context of vibrant relationship and genuine community.

Yet, the (Link): rituals and (Link): pledges [Study: Abstinence Pledges Aren’t Enough] popular with some Christians reflect ancient pagan rites more than a biblical faith centered on personal relationship.

Continue reading “Long Editorial about Virginity at CT – Don’t Blame Evangelicals for the Cult of the Virgin – I Notice It’s the Fornicators Who Want to Ignore or Downplay the Bible’s Teaching that People Are To Stay Virgins Until Marriage”

Links About Sex Week / Male Modesty & Male Shaming / Online Dating Scammers / Female Sexuality / Rampant Pre Marital Sex Among Christians / Single Christian Women Feel Pressured to Fornicate In Dating / other topics (Link Dump)

Reports About Sex Week / Male Modesty / Online Dating Scammers / Rampant Pre Marital Sex Among Christians / Single Christian Women Feel Pressured to Fornicate In Dating / other topics (Link Dump)

I do not have the patience to make separate posts out of each link / story / topic below, so here is another link dump, with links to lots of different sex, infertility, marriage, online dating, purity, and whatever, editorials and stories.

I’m not necessarily in agreement with any or all of the views expressed in any of these pages. I post them only because they touch on topics I regularly discuss on this blog.

Some of these links from The Christian Post I present below are from the last two to three weeks, but they cover topics I already discussed here on this blog weeks before (CP authors are sometimes weeks or a couple of months behind material I post to this blog first).

Sometimes, The Christian Post quotes people I don’t agree with about everything, such as Mark Regnerus – see this link and this link for more about that.

Regnerus pushes for early marriage and seems to engage in a bit of singles-shaming (blaming singles who want marriage for being single, for not being able to find a partner), which is wrong. You can see the links above for more about that.

About me covering stories before The Christian Post does.

Take this first link of their below as an example – not only did I cover this story first (on Jan 28, 2014 here, this link, but also on Feb 8, 2014, see this link), but also some of the web sites the author references in his series (which makes me wonder if he’s been to my blog and is copying my material):

(Link): Christian Dating Culture (Part 1): Majority of Christian Singles Reject Idea of Waiting Until Marriage to Have Sex

Excerpts:

    • BY MORGAN LEE, CHRISTIAN POST REPORTER

February 12, 2014

Survey Reveals That 61% of Christian Singles Are Willing to Have Casual Sex

A majority of single Christians are rejecting biblical doctrine by choosing to have sex before they are married. Sixty-one percent of self-identified Christian singles who answered a recent ChristianMingle survey said they are willing to have casual sex without being in love, while only 11 percent said they are waiting to have sex until they are married.

…But despite this realization, after Lindsey moved to New York, she did not abide by this new sexual ethic. Instead, she entered and exited relationships frequently, often sleeping with the men she was dating.

“Even though I knew it was wrong, I continued to have sex outside of marriage,” Lindsey told The Christian Post. “Why? Because when you’re single you don’t want to be lonely.”

“I was the girl that broke up with one boyfriend and had another one on speed-dial—that afternoon I’d already be going out with somebody else. I kept a boyfriend because I liked the attention,” she continued.

For Lindsey, her behavior was not simply a result of her conforming to the sexual values of her non-Christian peers. Instead, she had friends from church with similar sexual ethics and even dated and became sexually involved with a man who was serving at the same church that she was.

“We all went to the church. We were hypocrites. We said we loved the Lord but we ignored the scriptures that said that fornication is a sin,” said Lindsey.

Lindsey eventually cut off all people that had been a part of that lifestyle. Several years ago she got married and moved to Atlanta, where, now 31, she is the founder and CEO of Pinky Promise, an organization that encourages single and married women to “rise above cultural pressures and to “stay determined to live for Christ regardless of their circumstances.”

So she’s a fornicator being used as an example of sexual purity now? LOL.

Why do Christians do this? You have actual, honest- to- God virgins who are over 30 and 40 years of age, but Christians rarely if ever seek them out for inspiration or interviews. Instead, they seek out people who engaged in fornication constantly, and ask them to serve as role models about sexual purity.

This odd situation is a topic I have addressed in older posts, including this link (“born again virgins”), this link, this link, or this link, How About Using Celibates as Role Models For Celibacy? (Oddity: Christians Holding Up Non-Virgins [Fornicators] As Being Experts or Positive Examples on Sexual Purity).

(Link): Christian Dating Culture (Part 2): Does Church Attendance Impact How Often You Have Sex?

Excerpts:

    • BY MORGAN LEE, CHRISTIAN POST REPORTER
    February 13, 2014

Christians who attend church and read the Bible at least three times a week are less likely to have sex outside of marriage than those who do not engage in those religious practices.

In a 2012 study of Millenial Christians by the National Association of Evangelicals and Grey Matter Research, only respondents who attended worship services at least once a month were considered. Of the 1,007 polled by NEA and GMR, only 44 percent of unmarried Evangelicals ages 18-29 had had sex.

In contrast, in a ChristianMingle study released in January, only 50 percent of female Christians and 39 percent of Christian males said that they went to church at least once a month. Of the 716 Christians surveyed, 90 percent of them said they would be comfortable with premarital sex and 61 percent without any strings attached.

… Mark Regenerus, an associate professor of sociology at the University of Texas at Austin, concurred with the findings of this research.

“When you see greater religiosity, you’re more apt to have measured at the same time a more pronounced awareness of the sexual norms of Orthodox Christian communities and a person’s willingness to abide by them,” he told The Christian Post in an email.

Regenerus also pointed to the lack of institutions also promoting the church’s ethic of abstinence as one reason for the high numbers.

“It’s certainly true that unmarried Christian adults are more ‘at risk’ on sexual matters (attitudes, behaviors), because there are now few (and maybe no other) institutions that reinforce Christian sexual ideals today. And there are more unmarried Christian adults too. So it’s a recipe for some cultural clash over sex, for sure,” he wrote.

Daniel Weiss, the founder and president of The Brushfires Foundation, whose organization exists to help “people discover and live out God”s design for sexuality and relationships,” said that the Church must wake up to the fact that it is not the primary influencer of many Christian young people’s sexual ethics.

(Link): Christian Dating Culture (Part 3): Women Struggle in Dating Scene That Expects Openness to Premarital Sex

Excerpts:

    • BY MORGAN LEE, CHRISTIAN POST REPORTER
    February 14, 2014

Evidence suggests that Christians are increasingly tolerant of casual sex, but what does the dating scene look like for those who are choosing not to engage in premarital sex?

A ChristianMingle poll released last month suggests that Christians are increasingly open to having sex outside of marriage. Sixty-one percent of the 716 Christians surveyed said they would be willing to have sex without any strings attached. Only 11 percent indicated they would be willing to wait until marriage.

To get a sense of what the dating landscape looks like for Christian women who are unwilling to treat sex casually, The Christian Post talked with three women who shared how they feel their moral convictions are treated by men and the culture at large.

Sexual ethics of Christian men

Several years ago Lisa Anderson signed up for online dating.

Anderson, 42, who heads Boundless, Focus on the Family’s ministry to singles and young adults, and is single herself (“I am the true 40-year-old virgin” she laughs,) decided to be upfront with potential boyfriends about where her sexual ethics lay.

“As I got to know these guys, I think they sensed pretty early on that I was not going to go there, so I think that that probably ended it. It was never a situation where we’re together and that’s going to go too far so I stopped it,” Anderson told CP.

Yet she was surprised that many of the Christian men on online dating sites openly admitted that they expected sex in a relationship.

Continue reading “Links About Sex Week / Male Modesty & Male Shaming / Online Dating Scammers / Female Sexuality / Rampant Pre Marital Sex Among Christians / Single Christian Women Feel Pressured to Fornicate In Dating / other topics (Link Dump)”

Joshua Rogers of Boundless / Focus on the Family Attacks Biblical Teaching of Virginity Until Marriage

Joshua Rogers of Boundless / Focus on the Family Attacks Biblical Teaching of Virginity Until Marriage

As I’ve said on prior occasions, far from Christians idolizing virginity, as some liberal, emergent, and even some conservative Christian bloggers and magazine writers claim, the biblical standards of celibacy and virginity have been under unrelenting attack by Christians over the past few years.

Most Christians these days no longer respect or value virginity but are seeking to diminish it if not do away with it altogether.

You can tell Christian thinking on the topic has gone downhill when we go from the 1980s message that says virginity is important and to strive for it, to the 2010 and onwards attack – by Christians – that says virginity is no big deal, so don’t beat yourself up when you have pre-marital sex.

Sometimes, Christians re-examining a view, teaching, or how they present it, can be a good thing, but I wonder about things when they start trying to downplay a standard that is taught in the Bible (ie, virginity and celibacy).

Christian culture has disturbingly gone from “Hooray for virginity!,” when I was a teen, to “boo, hiss, virginity, and everyone fornicate if you feel like it, because you are justified by Jesus, not your sexual choices, don’t feel any shame!” now.

It is now trendy in Christian culture to question virginity, and to shame adult Christians who are still virgins.

It is now standard by some Christians to say that virgins are either being “prideful” about their virginity, or are “worshipping” it, or to remind them they are not perfect, or to condescendingly remind them that it is Jesus who saves, not one’s “external sexual behavior.”

Case in point, this latest Virgin- and Celibate- Shaming editorial by Joshua Rogers at the Focus on the Family blog for 20 something singles, “Boundless” (yes, you will note that Focus on the Family ignores that there are many singles over the age of 30, 40, 50):

(Link): Stop Worshiping Your Virginity by Joshua Rogers

Excerpt 1:

    … The problem with female non-virgins going public with their sexual sins was that they ran the risk of being seen as damaged goods — I mean, if true love really did wait, then it was impossible for them to truly love the man who would be their husband.
    Apparently, they had already given away the truest expression of their love.
    So the best they could hope for was an understanding non-virgin or a “sexually pure” man who was very, very forgiving. For these women, the message was clear: God can forgive you, but you will be sexually disfigured for the rest of your life. Too bad. You shouldn’t have had sex with someone who wasn’t your husband.

    Now on the other hand, the male non-virgins didn’t seem to be quite as ashamed of themselves. They often talked quite frankly and openly about their sexual histories when giving their “testimonies” — especially if they were talking with other guys.
    In fact, if you didn’t know better, you might get the impression that they were even bragging about what they had done. But for some reason, these guys weren’t disqualified as marriage material — no way. It was actually endearing that these worldly men had made such a brave decision to walk away from the lusts of their flesh. You. Go. Boys.

    …If you’re a Christian virgin, you are no more righteous than anyone else (regardless of how long you’ve been wearing that promise ring). And if you’re not a virgin, you are no less righteous than anyone else — the only thing that makes you righteous is faith in the perfect blood of Jesus.
    Whatever you did (or didn’t do) in the past simply isn’t part of the Christian equation when it comes to your worth, so you can go ahead and stop obsessing over your virginity now.

    … People of Planet Evangelicalism, I have good news: This is not the Gospel.

    … Remember, Jesus “saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to His own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit” (Titus 3:5, ESV).

Call me kooky here, but I have never once heard any Christian imply that one is saved via being a virgin.

There might be some fringe, barely Christian group somewhere that teaches this perspective, but it’s not a view I’ve seen in my many years of reading about Christian teachings on sex. So I call “straw man” argument on that.

I’ve never once heard a Christian claim that one is made righteous and right before God by being a virgin, or that virginity was a component in the Gospel message.

Continue reading “Joshua Rogers of Boundless / Focus on the Family Attacks Biblical Teaching of Virginity Until Marriage”

Mtv is Not Birth Control (articles) – Study Claims Mtv Show About Teen Parenthood Reduces Teen Pregnancy Rates

Mtv is Not Birth Control (articles)

(Link): MTV’s ‘16 and Pregnant’ helped reduce teenage birthrate, study says

(Link): MTV’s ‘16 and Pregnant,’ Derided by Some, May Resonate as a Cautionary Tale

(Link): Study, UNF Professor Agree, MTV Affecting Teen Pregnancy Rates

(Link): So MTV reduces teen pregnancy. Why are we surprised?

(Link): Mtv Is Not Birth Control

    The expressive view of culture helps explain why despite massive increases in depictions of violence and sex across every possible mode of expression over the past several decades, all indicators of problematic social behavior has declined. If popular culture really compelled us to act one way or another, that couldn’t be true. In fact, there is essentially no direct effect of a given show or song on us in terms of any particular behavior. The fault (or the credit) lies not in our TV shows but in ourselves.

    This is true even for teens, where arrests for violent crime are half of what they were 20 years ago and where teen sexual activity continues to drop. Despite easy access to ubiquitous and free online porn, only around 43 percent of girls and 42 percent of boys engage in sex before graduating high school.

    In 1988, the corresponding percentages were 51 percent and 60 percent.

    As Kearney and Levine themselves note, the teen birth rate—around 29 girls per 1,000 between the ages of 15 and 19 give birth—is about half of what it was two decades ago. The decline is even more pronounced if you start the trend line four or more decades back.)

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Related Posts:

(Link): Students Discuss Dissatisfaction with “Hookup Culture” [Casual Sex, Fornication, Pre Marital Sex]

(Link): Today’s College Girls Explain Why They Are By-Passing Relationships To Be Big Ol’ Whores (partly because guys are man-whores) (Article)

(Link): Article: Not All College Women Whores, Just the White Wealthy Ones

(Link): The Trivialization of Sex (a post by A. Hamilton)