Christlike or Pornlike?  A Christian Woman’s Role in Marriage

Christlike or Pornlike?  A Christian Woman’s Role in Marriage by Andrew J. Bauman and Taylor May

(Link): Christlike or Pornlike?  A Christian Woman’s Role in Marriage

Excerpts:

by Andrew J. Bauman

I am proud to be writing this article in partnership with Taylor May, a survivor of emotional and spiritual abuse. She has boldly shared her own story about what it was like to be married to someone who had a Pornographic Style of Relating, (PSR) and what it felt like to be used by him with her Church’s consent.

*Trigger warning for those who have suffered this type of betrayal trauma.


I’ve written about the pornographic style of relating here (PSR), but today we will hear from the perspective of a woman who has lived on the other side of this dynamic.

Many people have been talking about this with the release of this new book [Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love Life by Gary Thomas] and some of its disturbing implications.

How can we talk about what these women are experiencing, and what can we learn from them?

Taylor May has offered her story and her experience below. My hope is that this can begin to clear up the muddy waters of what it means to live a Christlike marriage in a deeply pornified world.


by Taylor May

I didn’t realize how a pornographic style of relating was so deeply embedded into my first marriage until I was firmly planted into my second marriage.

That’s when I began to see the impact my first husband’s issue with lust had on my new, much healthier relationship.

Let me tell you my story, and how I and countless other women feel when our significant others lust for other women, on-screen or off.

Those of us who grew up in the evangelical Church have been told that we are responsible for men’s lust issues. This lie has been perpetrated by the church for far too long.

Many men are leading our church conversations with 90% of pastors being men, and considering that nearly 50% of those pastors self-report having used pornography, it would make sense that they would try to gaslight women by minimizing the destructive nature of porn use.

One way they do this is by framing it as a women’s issue or a sex issue, rather than the objectification of women/sin issue–one that stems from the person doing the objectifying.

Continue reading “Christlike or Pornlike?  A Christian Woman’s Role in Marriage”

Russian ‘Sex Coach’ Was Repeatedly Stabbed in the Head by Her ‘Jealous’ Husband

Russian ‘Sex Coach’ Was Repeatedly Stabbed in the Head by Her ‘Jealous’ Husband

As I was saying on Twitter, the older I get, and I continue to see such news stories as the one in this post, the happier I feel to be single and celibate.

I cannot believe as I grew up that the evangelical / Baptist / Protestant culture brainwashed everyone to think that being single is “second best” and being chaste over the age of 25 was “impossible” or somehow “not worth it.”

I see so many people who, as teens or adults, are not happy from having sex outside of marriage, or they get married, and they have a sexless marriage, or their spouse abuses them.

You’re ultimately not going to find healing and hope in another person (i.e., a spouse).

This news story should be another sign to Christians who keep peddling false notions about singleness, dating, sex, and marriage that sexual purity is not for singles only.

You have married people out there who think it’s acceptable to work as “sex coaches,” or open their own “only fans” accounts, or to “wife swap” (see links under “Related” below for examples).

Churches need to remind MARRIED people that sexual purity is for them as well. It’s not single adults that are falling into sexual temptations left and right, it’s married couples who are.

I don’t approve of this married woman’s “sex coach” occupation, but no, I sure don’t defend the husband stabbing her to death over it, or for whatever reasons he had.

Note that these are two married people who had a couple of children together. The pro-marriage and pro-have-children Christians and conservatives are wrong to teach (as they do) that getting married and having children will always (or even usually) make people more godly, loving, mature and ethical.

I have many more examples on my blog here that demonstrate that marriage and/or parenthood do NOT make people more ethical, responsible, godly, loving, mature, etc.

(Link): Russian ‘sex coach’ was repeatedly stabbed in the head by her ‘jealous’ husband

Excerpts:

by Will Stewart
Sept 22, 2021

A Russian ‘psychologist and sex coach’ was repeatedly stabbed in the head by her husband who then threw her body from a 130ft-high building.

Rustam Mursalov, 24, confessed to killing his wife Alexandra Mursalova, 25, out of ‘jealousy’, according to reports.

Mursalova, who had two children with personal trainer Mursalov, worked with wealthy clients in St Petersburg.

Continue reading “Russian ‘Sex Coach’ Was Repeatedly Stabbed in the Head by Her ‘Jealous’ Husband”

Why Putin’s Desperate Push for More Russian Babies Will Fail

Why Putin’s Desperate Push for More Russian Babies Will Fail

I placed parts of the following article in bold-faced type.

Too often, a lot of people, religious conservatives in particular, shame people who cannot or do not marry and have children, whether it’s by circumstance or choice.

Too many religious conservatives, and a lot of progressive secular culture for many years, implied or outright stated if an adult didn’t marry (or have children) that there was something “wrong” with them, they were a loser, not a “true” adult, or were being selfish.

It is just quite irritating and insulting how so many people in many cultures the world over don’t treat adult singleness (or being childless or childfree) with respect.

Complementarian Christians in the United States have often tried to sell a “fairy tale” view off marriage, that if you just trust God, God will send you a great soul mate, and you will find nothing but happiness as a result.

(Those same Christians, though, will tell Christian women married to abusive Christian husbands that they cannot divorce their abuser!)

Christians also set up unrealistic expectations for sex in marriage. At least while I was growing up, and into the 1990s, a lot of Christians sold this bogus view that if you just hung on to your virginity that God would not only send you a great spouse, but you’d have regular and fantastic sex.

But witness those of us who remained sexually abstinent and yet still remain single, or those who married but ended up in sexually unsatisfying marriages.

I’m not opposed to Christians advocating for a traditional, Christian sexual ethos, but they need to stop making grand, sweeping claims and promises claiming that you will have a rosy (marital) future if you just remain chaste – because often, those promises do not come to pass.

I am not Russian, but if gender roles and gender expectations in Russia are anything like I’ve grown up with in the United States, it sounds like (based on a quote by a Russian woman I’ve included below) as though Russian culture – like American culture, especially Christian complementarians – expect women to place every one and every thing as a priority over what they, the women, want.

I am so tired of cultures the world over expecting that women defer to men generally, to what governments want, etc.

(Link): Why Putin’s Desperate Push for More Russian Babies Will Fail

Anna Nemtsova
Mon, September 6, 2021

Russia is facing a dire demographic crisis, and it doesn’t seem to be going away anytime soon.

The country’s dramatic natural population decline in the past six months—more than double the rate from the same time period last year—is so severe that it prompted President Vladimir Putin to come out with a rallying cry in support of larger families last week. “A strong family bringing up two, three, or four children,” he said, “should be the image of a future Russia.”

Realizing this goal will be a Herculean task, for many reasons. No matter how conservative the country is made out to be on state television, the States Statistic Service reports that as of 2020 73 percent of Russian marriages ended in divorce, with 48 percent divorcing before having children.

Continue reading “Why Putin’s Desperate Push for More Russian Babies Will Fail”

Muslim Cleric Dies After Being Castrated by One of His Wives for Planning to Marry Again

Muslim Cleric Dies After Being Castrated by One of His Wives for Planning to Marry Again

(Link): Muslim Cleric Dies After Being Castrated by One of His Wives for Planning to Marry Again

by Robert Spencer

The facts at hand presumably speak for themselves, but a trifle more vulgarly, I suspect, than facts even usually do.

On Thursday evening in the Indian city of Muzaffarnagar, Hazra, the second wife of the Muslim cleric Maulvi Vakil Ahmad, pleaded with him not to take a third wife.

The good Maulvi refused her pleas and went to sleep, whereupon, according to (Link): India Today, “Hazra cut off his manhood with a sharp-edged kitchen knife, due to which he ‘bled to death.’”

Continue reading “Muslim Cleric Dies After Being Castrated by One of His Wives for Planning to Marry Again”

Man Stabs Wife in ‘Brutal Attack’ in Argument Over Attending Church on Mother’s Day by L. Blair

Man Stabs Wife in ‘Brutal Attack’ in Argument Over Attending Church on Mother’s Day by L. Blair

I don’t even know where to start with this story (see headline further below).

Too many Christians revere motherhood to the point they marginalize and shame any woman who has never had children (for whatever reason, whether from choice or by circumstance).

Additionally, a lot of hyper- pro- marriage conservatives, both secular and Christian, idolize marriage, and in the process, they sometimes shame singles for being single and say all sorts of insulting things about single and childless adults.

Both secular and conservative Christians who push marriage and natalism way too much often like to say that being married and being a parent are necessary states to make a person godly, more loving, ethical, and responsible.

They assume and like to spread the disinformation that all single adults are irresponsible, immature, immoral, or selfish.

So how funny it is to see news headlines below, which put a lie to those conservative stereotypes about marital or parental status.

(Not that I find it funny that the woman was stabbed; I sure don’t find that part of this amusing. I just mean to say that in light of the many news stories of (Link):  married people or (Link): parents who rape, kill, steal, or murder that one would think that Christians and secular conservative pro-family groups would stop promoting marriage and parenthood as “cures” for people or for the culture)

(Link): Man Stabs Wife in ‘Brutal Attack’ in Argument Over Attending Church on Mother’s Day by L. Blair

Excerpts:

May 2021

A Texas mother was repeatedly stabbed in a “brutal attack” by her husband during an argument over attending church on Mother’s Day and he is now on the lam, police say.

In a statement released Monday, the Nacogdoches County Sheriff’s Office said they are now seeking help from the public in apprehending the woman’s husband, 43-year-old Rodolfo Madera Gonzalez, for aggravated assault with a weapon–family violence, which is a first-degree felony.

Continue reading “Man Stabs Wife in ‘Brutal Attack’ in Argument Over Attending Church on Mother’s Day by L. Blair”

Supposedly Woman-Honoring and Pro-Marriage Focus On the Family Group Wants Wives to Blame Themselves If or When Their Husbands Commit Adultery – Re: Book: ‘How God Used the Other Woman,’ by Tina Konkin

Supposedly Woman-Honoring and Pro-Marriage Focus On the Family Group Wants Wives to Blame Themselves If or When Their Husbands Commit Adultery – Re: Book: ‘How God Used the Other Woman,’ by Tina Konkin

I have some new developments in my personal life that have kept me busy the last month or two, which is why I’ve not been blogging as often.

During this time, I do recall seeing comments on other people’s blogs and on Twitter, about some idiotic, sexist, stupid book that “Focus On The Family” was recommending or selling.

Here is a page about the book by Tina Konkin that created an uproar:

(Link): How God Used “the Other Woman”: Saving Your Marriage After Infidelity via Focus On The Family site

Excerpts about that book from the site:

In How God Used “the Other Woman,” Konkin shares how she and her husband Ron saved their marriage after his affair and fought to make it better than ever before.
——

I am horrified to see that this Tina Konkin works as (or claims to be) (Link): a “relationship expert.”

This awful book of hers is also being sold at Wal-Mart.

From what I can recall, it’s a book for Christian wives that tells them how to approach their husband or their marriage if and whenever their husband should commit adultery,
and their view is that you, you Christian wife, should blame yourself for  your husband’s adultery, don’t hold him accountable, and just write off the situation as a learning experience.

Below you will find a few links or videos to work by other people refuting such a disgusting viewpoint.

Before I get to those resources, though, I wanted to point out how utterly hypocritical these conservative secular and conservative Christian groups are, who proclaim they respect women, and marriage, and The Nuclear Family. Continue reading “Supposedly Woman-Honoring and Pro-Marriage Focus On the Family Group Wants Wives to Blame Themselves If or When Their Husbands Commit Adultery – Re: Book: ‘How God Used the Other Woman,’ by Tina Konkin”

Dear Prudence, Help! I’m Glad My Awful Husband Is Dead.

Dear Prudence: Help! I’m Glad My Awful Husband Is Dead.

(Link): Dear Prudence: Help! I’m Glad My Awful Husband Is Dead.

August 19, 2019

Question.
Happy: I am a 38-year-old widow. The day my husband died was the happiest day of my life.

He was a miserable, vindictive man whose greatest joy was tearing me down.

He cheated on me constantly and would cheerfully recount all my inadequacies compared with his mistresses.

If I left, he would “pursue me to the ends of the earth.”

He never hit me, for what it is worth. At the end, I was isolated and alone; my only social outlet was my family. They all knew how horrible my marriage was, which is what makes their reaction now more hurtful.

I am going to travel. I am going to visit exotic places, drink wine, and learn a foreign language.

I have enough money to be quite comfortable for the rest of my life.

I would rather shoot myself than ever get married again.

Continue reading “Dear Prudence, Help! I’m Glad My Awful Husband Is Dead.”

Five Behaviors That Seem ‘Normal’ But Could Be Signs Of Emotional Abuse by Kelsey Borresen

(Link): Five Behaviors That Seem ‘Normal’ But Could Be Signs Of Emotional Abuse by Kelsey Borresen

Excerpts:

Emotional abusers “groom” victims using kindness and affection. They win you over, then they turn on you.

Unlike physical abuse, (Link): emotional abuse can be subtle and can often go undetected by victims, as well as their friends and family.

In the early stages of dating, an emotional abuser often acts in ways that (Link): appear caring, loving and attentive — at least on the surface. This is part of the perpetrator’s “grooming process” — or a time where they use charm and flattery to make you believe they’re kind and trustworthy.

“That ‘kindness’ is designed to win over the trust and confidence of an unsuspecting victim, making them vulnerable to subsequent abuse,” saidLisa Ferentz, a licensed clinical social worker and educator specializing in trauma.

(Link): Emotional abuse may include (Link): behaviors such as threatening, insulting, shaming, belittling, name-calling, (Link): gaslighting and (Link): stonewalling, which are done in an attempt to chip away at the victim’s independence and self-esteem so the abuser can gain control in the relationship.

Continue reading “Five Behaviors That Seem ‘Normal’ But Could Be Signs Of Emotional Abuse by Kelsey Borresen”

Pastor Accused of Choking Woman Pregnant With His Child at Southside Impact Church

Pastor Accused of Choking Woman Pregnant With His Child at Southside Impact Church

Lessons from this news story:

  • Equally Yoked is crap. Christian men are not necessarily more godly, mature, reliable, responsible than Non-Christian men, so single Christian women who’d like to marry should consider marrying Non-Christians
  •  Marriage does not make people more godly, mature, or sexually ethical – as so many Christians teach it does (assuming the guy in the story is or was married)
  • You do not have to obtain perfection or some lofty ideal before God will permit you to get married (many Christians teach if you’d like to marry but still find yourself single, it’s because God is intentionally with-holding a spouse from you because he’s preparing you, getting you ready, making you more Godly – all a bunch of bunk)

Even more atrocious is that this idiot markets himself as a “relationship expert” and has written dating or marital advice books for women! He’s an utter hypocrite.

The article keeps referring to the woman in the story as the “mother of so- and- so’s children,” so I take it they were not married, which I guess, means this preacher was guilty of fornication (sex outside of marriage)?

(Link): Pastor Accused of Choking Woman Pregnant With His Child at Southside Impact Church

Excerpts:

Jan 2019
by L. Blair

Rashan Lamar Wilson, lead pastor of Southside Impact Church in Charleston, South Carolina, was arrested and charged Monday for allegedly strangling the pregnant mother of his children until she passed out.

Wilson is the author of books such as “99 & 1/2 Things A Woman Needs From Her Man: How To Establish and Maintain a Healthy Relationship.”

Continue reading “Pastor Accused of Choking Woman Pregnant With His Child at Southside Impact Church”

Polish Man Charged Men £4 to Rape Wife He Fed Semen Sandwiches

Polish Man Charged Men £4 to Rape Wife He Fed Semen Sandwiches

This news story is beyond repulsive.

  1. Stories like this one make me feel glad I never married.
  2. Marriage does not make people more godly, mature, compassionate, or responsible, contrary to secular and Christian conservative opinion.

Some Christian gender complementarians would say that this woman should’ve stayed married to this abusive pervert no matter what. And complementarians have the audacity to say that their biblical interpretation is respectful of women? No, it’s not.

(Link): Polish Man Charged Men £4 to Rape Wife He Fed Semen Sandwiches

Dec 2018

by Luke Kenton

The woman, who has not been named, was subjected to four years of vile sexual abuse at the hands of her husband – including two locked in a darkened cellar

A man dubbed the ‘Polish Josef Fritzl’ has been sentenced to 25 years behind bars for imprisoning his wife in a dark cellar and subjecting her to years of sexual abuse.

In the small village of Parszczyce, in northern Poland, husband Mariusz Sz. severely abused his wife across a four-year period between 2006 and 2010, locking her in a pitch-black cellar for two of the years.

Continue reading “Polish Man Charged Men £4 to Rape Wife He Fed Semen Sandwiches”

What is the Purpose of Marriage? Is It to Display Christ’s Love for the Church? by B. Roberts

What is the Purpose of Marriage? Is It to Display Christ’s Love for the Church? by B. Roberts

The following comes from a Christian blog that specializes in domestic violence in Christian marriages, and how churches usually let down victims of domestic violence.

I’ve always had a problem with the “marriage serves to illustrate God’s love for the church,” or however it’s put, because it leaves out adult singles. What of adult singles who never marry?

The fact is the Bible says anyone who accepts Christ as Savior is part of the “bride of Christ,” so adult singleness also serves as an illustration of the relationship between God and the church, but one never hears this from the marriage-idolizing Christians.

(Link): What is the purpose of marriage? Is it to display Christ’s love for the church? by B. Roberts

Excerpts:

Many Christian leaders these days are echoing the Roman Catholic view more than the Protestant view
Some protestants take the idea that marriage signifies unto us the mystical union that is betwixt Christ and his Church …and turn this signifying quality into one of the purposes of marriage.

Continue reading “What is the Purpose of Marriage? Is It to Display Christ’s Love for the Church? by B. Roberts”

Pat Robertson’s Insensitive Reply to a Domestic Violence Victim (November 2018)

Pat Robertson’s Insensitive Reply to a Domestic Violence Victim (November 2018)

Before I present the viewer question from the domestic violence victim, and Pat Roberston’s horrible response to that person, I wanted to say a few words first.

I’ve already done a post on this blog called (Link): “Women, Stop Asking Pat Robertson Relationship Advice,” but women (and sometimes men) keep e-mailing Pat Robertson for relationship advice.

Here is the gist of that previous post:
If you write Robertson for relationship advice – especially if you are a woman – 9 out of 10 times, Robertson’s reply will be sexist, unsympathetic, and victim-blaming. So do not waste your time.

Secondly, you’re an adult.
You don’t need Pat or the Bible or any other person to tell you what you need to do or what you should do. You can make up your own mind as to what you think is best for you.

Abusers do not change, no matter how much you submit and pray for the abuser.

It is a waste of your time and “tossing pearls before swine” to stay with an abuser. If you consider divorce a sin (I don’t, certainly not in the case of abuse – and abuse can be verbal, emotional, and financial, not just physical), God says in the Bible he forgives sin.

What most all the competent articles and books about domestic violence say is this:
You will need to leave the abuser – contact your local domestic violence shelter for assistance in that.

Continue reading “Pat Robertson’s Insensitive Reply to a Domestic Violence Victim (November 2018)”