Victim Blaming Codependents, or Victim Blaming People Who Exhibit Codependent Behaviors

Victim Blaming Codependents or Victim Blaming People Who Exhibit Codependent Behaviors

The concept of Codependency is not victim-blaming.

The concept of Codependency does not pathologize domestic abuse survivors,  targets of narcissistic abuse, or other victims of other types of abuse, contrary to a lot of online rhetoric I have seen, and I don’t care what psychiatrist with what degree behind his name has stated things like, “Codependency is victim blaming and pathologizing!” – that psychiatrist, despite his eight years in medical school, is wrong.

He is wrong, wrong, wrong, and wrong.

I disagree with him entirely. And I do not have to have a medical degree to see where he’s wrong, and to know that he’s wrong.

I am a recovered codependent, and I remain astounded at people, especially therapists, psychologists, and abuse survivor advocates, who should know better, who never-the-less keep peddling this trope that the concept of Codependency is victim blaming, or it’s too broad in scope to be of much use.

(There are actually other mental health professionals out there who do not believe that Codependency is useless, too broad, or that it pathologizes anyone.)

A few months ago, when news stories about Anna Duggar were more prominent – she’s married to convicted child pornography user Josh Duggar, former reality television show star
– and then, a little later, when so-called abuse survivor advocates, such as Ashley Easter started commenting on that and victim blaming Anna Dugggar, and Amy Smith of Watchkeep began attacking journalist Julie Roys, I kept seeing these people, and others who follow them, showcase a very stunning misunderstanding of, or in some cases, a lack of awareness of, Codependency.

I may in the future do more posts – ones specific to Ashley Easter, Anna Duggar, and the Amy Smith – Julie Roys fiasco from months back – but for this post, I wanted to address this topic via at least two videos I saw on Dr. Ramani’s You Tube Channel.

Dr. Ramani is a psychologist who specializes in treating victims of narcissistic abuse.

I actually like Dr. Ramani quite a bit, and I’ve seen and listened to many of her videos. I like her on a personal level, and I think she’s quite astute.

I do  not feel comfortable being critical of someone who I usually agree with often, and who I find to be personable, but Dr. Ramani made a few comments in some of her videos here and there, pertaining to codependency, which I didn’t entirely agree with.

And no, I myself do not have to be a psychologist or have a mental health degree to form opinions or conclusions based upon what I hear and see!

While I do not have a mental health degree, I am college educated, and I did spend the past several years researching mental health topics. I did take psychology courses in college, but that is not what I earned my degree in.

So, I may not be an “expert” on mental health topics (in a degreed sense), but I am not an entirely uninformed person.

Continue reading “Victim Blaming Codependents, or Victim Blaming People Who Exhibit Codependent Behaviors”

Christian Reality Star Josh Duggar Found Guilty in Child Sex Abuse Imagery Case, Downloaded Porn of Three Month Old Being Sexually Assaulted – May 2022: Duggar Sentenced to 12.5 Years in Prison

Christian Reality Star Josh Duggar Found Guilty in Child Sex Abuse Imagery Case, Downloaded Porn of Three Month Old Being Sexually Assaulted – May 2022: Duggar Sentenced to 12.5 Years in Prison

Update, May 2022:

(Link):  Josh Duggar sentenced to over 12 years in prison for possession of child porn

by Erin Keller
May 25, 2022

Former “19 Kids and Counting” star Josh Duggar was sentenced to 151 months, or 12 years and seven months, in prison Wednesday for receiving and possessing child porn.

… He will either serve his time at a prison in Seagoville, Texas, or at a facility in Texarkana, Arkansas. Brooks recommended Seagoville because it has a “good” sex offender program — but his placement will ultimately depend on bed space.

(Link): Father-of-seven Josh Duggar is sentenced to 12.5 years in prison and is banned from using the internet and unsupervised access to his OWN children after downloading ‘worst of worst’ child porn from computer at his Arkansas car dealership

May 25, 2022

Disgraced reality TV star Josh Duggar was jailed for more than 12-and-a-half years Wednesday for downloading a vile trove of ‘the sickest of the sickest’ child porn.

US District Judge Timothy Brooks handed down the 151-month prison sentence at the Western District of Arkansas Federal Courthouse in Fayetteville at the end of a day-long hearing.

Duggar, 34, has been in custody since December when a federal jury found the 19 Kids and Counting alum guilty of possession and receipt of child pornography.

‘The images were some of the worst that this court has ever encountered,’ Judge Brooks told Duggar, as his wife Anna, 33, sat a few yards behind him in the public gallery during Wednesday’s hearing.

… One notorious movie, ‘Daisy’s Destruction’, featured the abuse and torture of an infant. Another sequence of images depicted a girl being whipped with a cat o’ nine tails, tied up and locked in a dog cage.

… ‘As the court has found, you have a history of sexual abuse. One of the Jane Does was five-year-old, you were 15,’ Judge Brooks added.

He will remain under supervision for a further 20 years after his release and is not allowed unsupervised access to children – including his own, who range in age from six months to 12.

… Defense attorneys had asked for a five-year stretch, the lightest possible punishment, insisting that Duggar, said to be a devoted dad and committed Christian, maintained his innocence and intended to appeal.

They argued that, of the approximately 600 child porn images identified by investigators, only a small portion had been viewed and none of those fell into the category of ‘sadistic or masochistic’.

Prosecutors demanded a 20-year term – the maximum possible – arguing that it was hard to think of anything more sadistic that a grown man raping a little girl.

They said Duggar had never sought treatment or shown any acceptance of his warped appetites and thus had a high chance of re-offending.

…Duggar’s mom Michelle and Anna had both written letters [copies of Anna Duggar’s copies via scan are available on Daily Mail’s site] pleading for leniency, the latter comparing her husband to Ronald Reagan in an effort to stress his work ethic and decency.

‘Joshua has a compassionate heart and he is willing to make personal sacrifices for the benefit of others,’ Anna wrote.

‘Joshua embodies the quote from Ronald Reagan: ‘There is no limit to the amount of good you can do if you don’t care who gets the credit’.

Responding, prosecutors said that Duggar’s supportive family and ‘privileged lifestyle’ merely made his crimes ‘all the more baffling’.

… Holt [family friend of the Duggars] choked back tears as she revealed how Duggar had confessed at age 15 to groping and penetrating his younger sisters during ‘bible time’ and while they slept.

The defense fought to exclude her testimony but the judge ultimately agreed that it provided important clues about his sinister appetite for minors.

… ‘More importantly, none of these letters meaningfully grapple with his crimes or his sexual proclivities toward prepubescent girls.’

Judge Brooks agreed largely with the prosecution at Wednesday’s sentencing but threw out a claim that Duggar had ‘distributed’ child porn as well as receiving it.

He also had kinds words for the Duggar family, noting how Anna in particular was devoted to her husband and had stuck by him throughout the trial.


(Link):  Josh Duggar found guilty of child pornography

December 9, 2021

A jury on Thursday found reality TV star Josh Duggar guilty of receipt of child pornography and possession of child pornography, according to the judgement filed in the United States District Court Western District of Arkansas Fayetteville Division.

…Duggar was arrested on April 29 and arraigned on April 30 on federal charges of receipt and possession of child pornography, according to the US Attorney’s Office in the Western District of Arkansas.

He allegedly downloaded material that depicted the sexual abuse of children under the age of 12, the US attorney’s office said in a statement. He has pleaded not guilty to the two charges.

(Link): Josh Duggar downloaded video of 3-month-old being sexually abused: DOJ

Dec 3, 2021
by Andrew Court

A DOJ agent alleges Josh Duggar downloaded a horrific video showing a “3-month-old baby being tortured and sexually abused.”

The bombshell accusation was made Thursday, during the third day of Duggar’s child pornography trial in Fayetteville, Arkansas.

The 33-year-old “19 Kids and Counting” reality TV personality has pleaded not guilty to two charges of receiving and possessing child pornography. He faces up to 40 years behind bars if convicted on both counts.

Prosecutors have previously alleged that Duggar downloaded images and videos of girls as young as 5 being “violated and exploited.”

However, on Thursday, James Fottrell, a top forensics investigator at the Department of Justice, testified that his team had reportedly uncovered the shocking video of a 3-month-old girl.

The horrendous clip featured the girl being stripped naked, posed on a bed and being tortured with hot wax, Fottrell said.

“The infant is crying and screaming. It’s one of the most offensive videos that I’m familiar with throughout my whole career,” Fottrell told the jury.

(Link): FBI High Technology Investigative Unit Director Details Contents Found On Computer Seized From Josh Duggar’s Car Dealership In 2019

Excerpts:

By:Aisling O’Connor
Dec. 3 202

Fottrell told the court that he found evidence of dozens of images and videos of child sexual abuse. He claimed to have found evidence of downloaded and streamed videos, such as a video of a child being tortured called “Daisy’s Destruction.” He reportedly said the video was one of the “most offensive” things he has seen in his career.

According to the Daily Mail, “Daisy’s Destruction” was identified via a torrent file, but the file did not contain the footage. Fottrell explained the file was a set of instructions to locate it on the dark web.

(Link):  Josh Duggar found guilty of receiving and possessing child pornography

Josh Duggar, who appeared in TLC’s “19 Kids and Counting,” has been found guilty after facing two counts of downloading and possessing child pornography.

The jury in Fayetteville, Arkansas, found the 33-year-old Duggar guilty on one count each of receiving and possessing child pornography. He faces up to 20 years in prison and fines of up to $250,000 for each count when he’s sentenced at a later date.

U.S. District Judge Timothy Brooks announced that sentencing will take place in about four months. Duggar was taken into custody after the verdict was announced, according to Fayetteville station KNWA.

One of Duggar’s lawyers, Justin Gelfand, issued a statement to USA TODAY. “We appreciate the jury’s lengthy deliberations, we respect the jury’s verdict, and we intend to appeal,” the statement said. 

(Link):  Josh Duggar guilty verdict: Duggar family reacts to conviction in child pornography trial

…Josh was immediately taken into custody Thursday after his guilty verdict.

The former reality TV star faces up to 20 years and up to $250,000 fines for each count.

Josh’s cousin Amy King tweeted that “justice has been served” following the verdict announcement.

(Link): Josh Duggar Downloaded Images And Video Of Children As Young As 7 Being “Violated,” Prosecutors Said

by Nicole Fallert
December 1, 2021

FAYETTEVILLE, Arkansas — Former 19 Kids and Counting reality star Josh Duggar downloaded images and video on a work computer of children as young as 7 years old being “abused,” “violated,” and “exploited,” federal prosecutors said in opening statements on Wednesday.

The jury heard graphic descriptions on Wednesday of the materials from prosecutors, while Duggar’s defense maintained the 33-year-old didn’t have the technical knowledge to discreetly browse the illegal content found on the computer.

Duggar, the oldest child of his famous fundamentalist Christian family, was arrested in Arkansas in April and charged with “knowingly” receiving and possessing child sexual abuse materials. He pleaded not guilty on both counts. He faces up to 20 years in prison and a fine of up to $250,000 for each count if he is convicted.

…According to prosecutors, Duggar used a device that virtually “split” his HP desktop work computer into “two independent sides,” allowing him to use the computer at the used car dealership’s “shed-like” office for usual business purposes on one side while browsing illegal content on the other.

In one case, Duggar downloaded a series of images titled “Marissa.zip” which featured a girl about 8 years old exposing her genitals before eventually being put in a cage, Roberts said.

…The first witness for the prosecution was Detective Amber Kalmer, who first began to investigate the child sexual abuse activity in June 2019.

She testified on Wednesday that she was able to download portions of the content recorded by her surveillance software. One video she saw contained “two prepubescent females, zoomed in on their vaginal areas, being penetrated by an adult man’s penis,” she said. Kalmer added she was also able to view images of nude young girls with a “focus on the vaginal area.” There were 65 images.


Related:

(Link):  Josh Duggar Arrested (April 2021) – Update: For Owning Child Porn

(Link): Hypocrisy: Secular Pundits Judge Christian Sexuality: Josh Duggar’s So-Called Vanilla Sexual Preferences Deemed Dull

(Link):  Salvation Army Bans Duggar / Quivering Cult’s ‘Retreat’ (Called ‘Get Them Married’) that Promoted Arranged Marriages for Teen Girls – Quivering Advocates Are Anti-Adult Singleness and Anti-Celibacy 

Josh Duggar Arrested (April 2021) – Update: For Owning Child Porn

Josh Duggar Arrested (April 2021) – Update: For Owning Child Porn

About an hour ago, I learned that Josh Duggar (yes, (Link): that Josh Duggar) was arrested. The talking head on the news channel said it was yet to be determined what he was arrested for.

More updates below, including one news report that says:

“The agent said [the child porn] images allegedly found on Josh Duggar’s computer were “in the top five of the worst of the worst that I’ve ever had to examine””.

Updates at Top:

(Link): Josh Duggar arrested for child porn, faces up to 20 years in prison if convicted

(Link): Josh Duggar, “19 Kids and Counting” star, facing child pornography charges in Arkansas

(Link):  Josh Duggar Has Been Charged With Receiving And Possessing Child Sexual Abuse Images

Duggar allegedly downloaded child sexual abuse images online and kept material depicting sexual abuse of minors under age 12, prosecutors said.

Continue reading “Josh Duggar Arrested (April 2021) – Update: For Owning Child Porn”

Salvation Army Bans Duggar / Quivering Cult’s ‘Retreat’ (Called ‘Get Them Married’) that Promoted Arranged Marriages for Teen Girls – Quivering Advocates Are Anti-Adult Singleness and Anti-Celibacy

Salvation Army Bans Duggar / Quivering Cult’s ‘Retreat’ (Called ‘Get Them Married’) that Promoted Arranged Marriages for Teen Girls – Quivering Advocates Are Anti-Adult Singleness and Anti-Celibacy 

Before I present you with the links to the news reports about this story (which are much farther down the page), I wanted to make some introductory comments in general, and a few specific comments refuting a few points from a pro-Quivering page about celibacy.

In regards to the specific news story I am blogging about today, this Quivering group is completely overlooking Apostle Paul’s comments in (Link): 1 Corinthians 7 that it is better for people to remain single than it is to marry – and Paul does not say that this teaching is in regards only to “a few,” or only a “minority” of people.

The Bible nowhere states that marriage is “a norm,” or that God expects or wants all, or most, people to marry.

It just so happens that in other cultures thousands of years ago, most people did happen to marry – one should not deduce from this cultural situation that God supported it or wanted it to be so. It just was what it was.

If the Bible said that all or most ancient Jews painted their bodies green once a year and balanced weasels on their heads while jumping up and down on a watermelon one week out of a year, one should not assume from this that

  • 1. God created that cultural practice and/or that
  • 2. God wanted Americans in the year 2016 to practice these things as well.

The Quivering group’s position on marriage, celibacy, and singleness is unbiblical, not to mention disturbing.

According to this article (linked to much farther below), the Quivering group was going to call this event, (where they set up marriages for little girls to marry), “Get Them Married.”

Why not have an event called, per 1 Corinthians 7, “It Is Better To Stay Unmarried”?

Am I opposed to marriage? No.

Is the God of the Bible against marriage? No.

But the Bible does not say that being married is better or more holy for girls, women, or culture, than being single, but a lot of Christian groups, and these wacky Christian cults, insist otherwise.

Christians need to do a better job of recognizing adult singleness and celibacy as legitimate, godly, biblical lifestyles and choices for all persons (and not only meant for a small minority of people who were supposedly “gifted” with it), instead of promoting marriage and natalism as the only legitimate avenues or as ways of fixing culture, the nation, or as pleasing God.

Continue reading “Salvation Army Bans Duggar / Quivering Cult’s ‘Retreat’ (Called ‘Get Them Married’) that Promoted Arranged Marriages for Teen Girls – Quivering Advocates Are Anti-Adult Singleness and Anti-Celibacy”

Family Values Republican Politician Hastert in Trouble for Sexual Assault of Kids / On Liberals and Not Having Sexual Standards

Family Values Republican Politician Hastert in Trouble for Sexual Assault of Kids / On Liberals and Not Having Sexual Standards

This politician, Hastert, is now in his 70s and is in poor health. Some of his victims have stepped forward to say he sexually assaulted them when they were kids.

I’ve seen several articles say that he was a “family values” type of Republican.

Below is a report about it – probably by a left winger. I am right wing, but in the last few years, I’ve had some changing feelings about the Republican Party, conservative Christians, and how much they push this “family values” rhetoric.

This author does spend part of her report taking Bill Clinton to task for taking advantage of Lewinsky.

I will be placing more articles about this story below this first link and excerpt.

I’m not terribly fond of how so many right-wing “Family Values” spokespersons and figure heads later turn out to be hypocrites.

On the other hand, I’m not a supporter of the left wing – many of them not only participate in sexually immoral activity or champion sexual hedonism, but they have few to no sexual standards in the first place. And they don’t want any.

Maybe there is something positive to be said in having sexual standards in the first place, even if it means a person (or group of persons) who claim to believe in them occasionally violates them.

Continue reading “Family Values Republican Politician Hastert in Trouble for Sexual Assault of Kids / On Liberals and Not Having Sexual Standards”

Family Values, Conservative Christian Bill Gothard Accused Of Rape

Family Values, Conservative Christian Bill Gothard Accused Of Rape

I have written about Gothard once before, and I’m reminding you of that post now:

In the days or weeks to come, you can probably expect more of the same. Gothard is currently in his 80s, I believe, and he’s never married, and has indicated before that he is celibate.

Ergo, a lot of people, even some Christians sadly enough, tend to blame Gothard’s alleged sexual assaults of women on him being celibate. They seem to think if you live without sex for so many years, it comes gushing out beyond your control later – you get so horny, they seem to think, they you sexually attack another person.

A lot of people do this sort of odd ball reasoning in the case of  Roman Catholic priests who take a vow of celibacy but who get caught molesting children: people assume that being celibate causes pedophilia and rape.

Celibacy, however, does not cause pedophilia and rape.  Married men who have sex with their wives on a regular basis also rape people or molest kids (I’ve done a post or two about that topic before in the past).

Or, these types of Christians and Non-Christians somehow suspect that any adult who claims to be celibate is secretly a horn dog and must be getting lots of nooky anywhere, but especially salacious nooky, by raping people or fondling kids.

Celibates are not perverts, folks: we celibates are NOT having any sex at all, salacious or consensual. That’s the whole point about celibacy, you ding bats who accuse celibacy of causing rape and pedophilia.

While I myself don’t agree with some views of secular, left wing feminists, I note that they are not the monsters that many “family values” Christians make them out to be.

Right wing, American Christians will often fault the American feminists of the 1960s sexual revolution of causing all manner of problems in society (such as the rise of divorce rates, promiscuity, etc),
and maybe to a degree, secular feminism played some role in those sorts of things,
but how then do these Christians and conservatives explain the other “family values” Christians who are opposed to secular, left wing feminism, such as Gothard, who allegedly rape or molest girls, or who have affairs on their wives (for the men who are married)?

Again, I am not saying I am in total agreement with all opinions of secular, liberal feminists, but am merely saying that you cannot fairly and justly blame secular, liberal feminism for the moral failings and crimes of right wing, Christian men such as Gothard.

Anyway, Gothard is in the news again, this time for supposedly raping people.

Here is a selection of links about that news story, along with a link to a site that specializes in Gothard news coverage, and articles that highlight or refute his damaging teachings:

(Link): Recovering Grace: A Gothard Generation Shines Light on the Teachings of IBLP and ATI 

(This site, Recovering Grace, tends to keep up with the latest Gothard news and information, so you may want to bookmark them and visit them regularly if you are really interested in the latest Gothard- related developments.
I don’t plan on doing regular Gothard updates on my own blog, or not over every little thing concerning him.)

(Link): Bill Gothard, Christian counseling ministry leader with ties to TLC’s Duggar family, target of sexual assault lawsuit by 10 women

  • by Laura Bult
  • January 7, 2016
  • Ten women filed a bombshell lawsuit Wednesday alleging decades of sexual assault and rape by the longtime leader of Christian homeschooling ministry, Bill Gothard, who preaches modesty among women and has ties to Republican politicians and the reality TV Duggar family.
  • The lawsuit is the latest development after numerous women who sought counseling at Gothard’s Institute of Basic Life Principles, a prominent religious homeschooling ministry, came forward accusing the magnetic leader of sexual abuse, some of whom were minors at the time
  • The 81-year-old unmarried former president of the IBLP resigned from the ministry in 2014 after more than 30 women said they had been molested by him, according to the (Link): Washington Post, which first reported the story.
  • The lawsuit filed in an Illinois circuit court includes allegations that range from sexual harassment,  inappropriate touching and hand-holding, molestation and rape, according to the complaint provided to the Daily News by the lawyers representing the women at the Texas Gibbs Law Firm.

Continue reading “Family Values, Conservative Christian Bill Gothard Accused Of Rape”

Your Husband’s Infidelity Is Not Your Fault by J. Roys (Christians Frequently Blame Wives For the Failings or Abuse of Their Husbands, Which is Evil and Incorrect)

Your Husband’s Infidelity Is Not Your Fault by J. Roys

Ah yes, Christian culture is quite fond of blaming WOMEN for the sexual sins of men, even though the the Bible teaches that each individual is responsible for his or her own sins.

Oddly, some strains of Christianity – especially gender complementarian Christianity – teach that husbands will be held accountable in some fashion for the sins of their wives before God in the afterlife (again, the Bible nowhere teaches this), but then, some of these same guys will turn around and pin the blame for a man’s sexual sins (extra marital affairs, porn use, whatever) on the wife!

At the end of the day, if a husband has an affair, that sin is on him and him alone, even if his wife displeases him in some way.

I am assuming that the following editorial by J. Roys may be in reaction to stories such as these:

(Link): Your Husband’s Infidelity Is Not Your Fault by J. Roys

Excerpts:

  • Adultery comes from a greedy heart, not an insufficient wife.
  • by Julie Roys, guest writer
  • …For Duggar, the remarks weren’t as direct. Following the Ashley Madison leak, her husband, Josh, admitted to several affairs and a porn addiction. Then, the Duggars’ family pastor in Arkansas addressed the leak in (Link): a sermon on infidelity. “If a husband or wife fails to keep his or her partner happy sexually they are opening themselves up to the attack of the enemy,” he said. “And that enemy is going to take your spouse away from you.”
  • A recent blog post from Anna Duggar’s mother-in-law Michelle carries that implication. When asked to share marital advice, the mom of 19 said that wives should always be available to meet their husbands’ sexual needs, even when they are exhausted or pregnant.
  • ..these stories caught my attention because I have heard this blame-the-wife rationale expressed both inside and outside the church.
  • … But it’s ludicrous to believe that Anna was responsible for Josh’s immorality. He admitted to molesting five girls when he was a teenager, including two of his sisters. …
  • Even if both these men had squeaky clean backgrounds prior to marriage, the idea that their wives bear responsibility for their infidelity can be found nowhere in Scripture.

  • Instead, this narrative seems a horribly misogynistic strategy to use fear of infidelity to compel women to submit to their husband’s sexual advances, regardless of their feelings or physical limitations. This has nothing to do with Christian marriage, and actually violates the nature of marriage itself.

  • His Sin, His Responsibility

  •  Blaming a woman for a man’s sin is as old as the Garden of Eden. When God confronted Adam for eating the apple, Adam immediately blamed Eve. “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.”

Continue reading “Your Husband’s Infidelity Is Not Your Fault by J. Roys (Christians Frequently Blame Wives For the Failings or Abuse of Their Husbands, Which is Evil and Incorrect)”