Woman Podcaster Killed by Former Male Listener Who Became Her Stalker – Good Lesson in Using a Pseudonym Online, Not Befriending Your Listeners or Readers IRL (ATTN: Codependents and Empaths)

Woman Podcaster Killed by Former Male Listener Who Became Her Stalker – Good Lesson in Using a Pseudonym Online, Not Befriending Your Listeners or Readers IRL (ATTN: Codependents and Empaths)

The following news story, of a male podcast listener who began by befriending, then stalking, a woman podcaster (before murdering her and her husband) is one reason of a few why I like to stay Anonymous on my blog.

I’ve been screamed at in years past (by liberals, progressives, and at least one conservative man) for not writing under my real name here or on my Twitter account, or for refusing to divulge this information to them privately when they e-mailed me or tweeted me about it.

Some of these readers get infuriated and vehemently demand that I reveal more details about myself, including my real name – when it’s none of their business.

The liberals and progressives obviously want my identity only so that they can harass me off-line and get me fired from any job I hold. That is their intent – I knew that years ago, before progressive cancel culture began in earnest.

During the years I used to be very empathetic and a total Codependent, I intuitively knew to keep overtly hostile, controlling people at arm’s length.

However, it took me much longer, after accumulating life experience and researching topics later in life, such as Vulnerable (Covert) Narcissism and Sociopathy, to be on guard for subtle, non-aggressive, emotional manipulation, where a person will use guilt trips, kindness, and so on, to chip away at your boundaries in a very nice manner.

Some of these dishonest, troubled individuals will use your kindness and empathy against you to manipulate you into doing what they want.

I’ve had a few people I’ve met online pester me about something I initially told them “no” in response to, some request they made, but they pestered me in a very friendly, kind-hearted way to drop one or more of my boundaries, so they got me from saying “no” to saying “yes.”

That one lady, “Emma,” who approached me to befriend me online (that I talked about here, among other posts – she came across my twitter and this blog and approached me, I did not approach her) spent about a year to year and a half, very politely pursuing me, jovially and cheerfully hounding me to cave in and let her know more about me.

I kept politely telling her “no” for many months, but I finally caved in and befriended her on other social media sites; I let her get to know more about me after a year or more of her friendly pestering. I should’ve stuck to my boundaries and kept her at arm’s length.

Back then, it was more difficult for me to spot when people were using (fake) kindness to get me to lower my boundaries: I had my guard up at that time against hostile (the rude, angry, demanding) attempts, which are easier to spot.

Also, if you’re an empath, a people pleaser, or a codependent, this may be eye opening for you, but:

1) not everyone is as kind hearted, giving, and empathetic as you.

Stop assuming others are as loving as you are.

Stop projecting your kindness and empathy on to other people.
Some people, due to having personality disorders, are literally incapable of having empathy, but they will use yours against you to exploit you.

2) You have to become more choosy about who and when you give your affection, empathy, and time (or money) to

Almost everyone in life is undergoing some kind of problem.

Almost everyone is still walking around (even into their 40s and older) with left over wounds from childhood.

Many people, even into their 40s, 50s, and older, are lonely (even if they’re married, they’re being emotionally neglected by their spouse).

A lot of people are hungering to be heard, seen, and listened to and empathized with.

Many of these hurting, lonely, lost, emotionally needy or wounded people would love nothing more than to have an empathetic emotional rock, a caring sounding board, who they can rely on to get their emotional needs met.

If you allow them, they will call or text you daily to weekly to monthly to complain about their pain (both physical and emotional), how others have let them down and hurt them, or how nothing in their life ever works out, or how they were abused or misused by their family or ex spouse.

You will hear (in great detail, for hours, over months to years) about every pain and frustration they’ve ever had in their life, and/or whatever their current problems are.

You cannot save such people, no matter how much empathy, attention, and emotional support you give them: and it will never end.

These types of people (some of whom have BPD or Vulnerable Narcissism) are endless black holes of emotional need or emotional dis-regulation with an identity crisis, asking and demanding that you fill those needs, regulate their dysfunction, and provide them with a stable identity.

However, you cannot do any of that constantly or permanently for them, no matter how loving and kind you are. You’re just human with your own needs to deal with.

And they will very rarely give you support and validation in return. They will drain you dry, leaving you mentally (and perhaps physically) exhausted.

If you have a blog, video channel, podcast, or some other way you are online publicly, I’d advise using a fake name, no matter how many temper tantrums some of your readers or listeners pull.

If you use your real name on your video channel, blog, or podcast, be very careful about who you permit into your life.
This is ten times more true if you have poor boundaries, you’re overly empathetic, are reluctant (or too afraid, or feel guilty) to turn other people down and say “no” to them, and/or you’re a codependent.

If not, you’re going to have one of these mentally disturbed lunatics possibly hunt you down IRL (in real life) and murder you.

Or, at the very least, they will start contacting you frequently, draining you mentally dry, wearing you down to the point of exhaustion, because they want you to give them constant emotional support, and they will make no effort to take responsibility for their own happiness and to make changes in their life.

They will come to depend on YOU to “make them happy” (which you and no other person can do), or to regulate them emotionally. You’re not obligated to be anyone’s compassionate free therapist.

Anyway, notice that being married did not keep this woman safe. Her stalker murdered both her and her husband. Being married didn’t give this woman a happy fairy tale ending.

(Link): Texas trucker, 38, kills Seattle ‘podcaster’ he’d been stalking AND her husband after climbing through a window of their $1m home: Victim’s mother escaped and called 911

March 10, 2023
by Jen Smith

A Texas trucker killed a Seattle podcast host he had been stalking and her husband last night after climbing through a window of their $1.6million suburban home.

Redmond Police say Zohreh Sadeghi, 33, was shot and killed by trucker Ramin Khodakaramrezaei, 38, last night. Sadeghi’s husband, Mohammed Naseri, 35, was also killed.

Police say Khodakaramrezaei was a listener and became so obsessed with her that she filed a restraining order against him. 

Court records obtained by DailyMail.com show there was a warrant for his arrest on charges of telephone stalking and stalking. The criminal complaint was filed against him a week ago.

At 2am last night, the trucker broke into the home in Redmond, Washington, shot her and her husband before turning his gun on himself.

Regarding Serial Killer Jeff Dahmer – and Including the Three Part Dahmer Series on Dr. Phil

Regarding Serial Killer Jeff Dahmer – and Including the Three Part Dahmer Series on Dr. Phil

The parents of Jeff Dahmer say they always called him “Jeff,” not “Jeffrey,” as the media always did, so I’ll try to remember to call him “Jeff” too.

I was in college, a 20-something college student, when news of police having found human remains in Dahmer’s apartment first broke.

I watched days of unfolding TV news coverage about Dahmer, as well as read about the case daily in the printed news paper of the city I lived in at the time.

(I was a little kid when the John Wayne Gacy story broke – I was a kid watching daily news coverage of that story.)

I’ve always been interested in psychology on and off over my life, and I took psychology courses when I was a college student (though I went on to get a degree and career in a totally different field).

I’m interested in learning why people behave as though they do, and with serial killers, that’s no exception.

When television shows and documentaries began airing again the last  several months about Dahmer, I watched a lot of them.

I also watched all of the Netflix dramatization about Dahmer starring Evan Peters. I watched it twice.

The NetFlix show either omitted a few details here or there, and conflated a few real life people into one or two fictional characters, but the show, the overall picture it painted of Jeff, was pretty accurate – I think the show maker was striving combine being factual with being entertaining, or using art to make a point, so maybe a few details here or there were wrong, but my sense is that the overall story was fairly accurate.

I am not claiming to be a Jeff Dahmer expert, but I’ve read enough about the guy (including first-hand, 1990s era police, psychiatry examination, or court documents in pdf format), and seen enough news coverage (both then and now) to get an idea.

I’m not an expert on the matter, but I am also not an un-educated dunce.

Some of the newer Dahmer documentaries I’ve seen via streaming services, many of which seem to be British-produced, contain errors, as do some recent American internet based articles.

A few days ago, Dr. Phil, of the Dr. Phil television program, did a three part series about Jeff Dahmer on his show, and clips of most of those are on Dr. Phil’s You Tube channel, such as (Link): here, Dr. Phil Interviews Jeffrey Dahmer’s Father – Full Interview (14 minutes long).

There are more video clips than that on Dr. Phil’s You Tube from his Dahmer series, but I don’t feel like linking to them all right now.

Steven Hicks, Dahmer’s First Victim, Was Not Homosexual

One falsehood I keep seeing repeated on these documentaries and some of the online articles is that Dahmer’s first victim, Steven Hicks, was either a homosexual or willingly participated in homosexual sex acts with Dahmer.

Both claims are false.

Hicks was not homosexual, and he did not engage in consensual sex acts with Dahmer.

Dahmer even said, during the interview process (with either one of his defense attorneys or the police detectives, I don’t recall which), that in the course of getting to know Hicks, he clearly learned that Hicks was a hetero guy, which Dahmer said disappointed him, but even though Hicks was hetero, he was going to get what he wanted from Hicks regardless.

In some other interview or line of questioning, I remember Dahmer saying his obsession got to the degree he no longer cared if a man he found physically attractive was hetero-sexual or homo-sexual.

Even if a man was hetero, Dahmer said he didn’t care, that he would still try to drug the guy, knock him out through drugs, and fondle him.

But I periodically see recent Dahmer documentaries or online articles state that Hicks was gay – Hicks was NOT gay.

The only “sex” Dahmer had with Hicks was after Dahmer murdered Hicks – Dahmer admits after killing Hicks that he stood over Hicks’ body and masturbated to the sight of the dead body.

I don’t recall after that if Dahmer committed more sex acts with Hicks’ corpse or not, but regardless, Hicks was DEAD after Dahmer did anything sexual to him.

You can read a little more about Hicks here, if you like.

I am not saying it is acceptable for Jeff Dahmer to have killed homosexual men (which he did in fact later go on to do), because quite obviously, that was not okay or moral behavior.

I just cringe at inaccurate reporting about this topic (or any other topic). Journalists and television producers should get their facts correct, even if it’s merely a schlocky, cheaply made documentary they’re contributing to.

No Animal Abuse or Animal Cruelty

Some documentaries, shows, or online articles incorrectly state that Dahmer abused or tortured animals, which is false.

Some shows – such as Dr. Phil’s recent three part Dahmer series – implied at one point that Jeff Dahmer killed a dog and put the dog’s head on a pike.

That is false.

Unless Jeff was lying about the incident to police and later to his father, he did not kill the dog and then decapitate it;
he found the dog already dead and then decapitated it – which still is disturbing and disrespectful behavior, but he didn’t kill the dog in order to dissect the animal, which is the point.

Dahmer is the rare serial killer (similar to Dennis Nilsen) who apparently did not torture or hurt animals.

(I am open to new information on this topic, but again, from what I have read and seen over the years, Dahmer was not known to have engaged in torturing animals or killing them.)

However, Dr. Phil and his guest on the show, a lady (I forget her name) who is an ex psychiatric nurse and ex FBI profiler, kept incorrectly referring to Dahmer as having the Dark Triad (read more about that on Wikipedia) and as having the Macdonald triad.