An Assessment of the Article “Why the Religion of Self-Care is Really Sanctified Selfishness” – Christian Author is Indirectly Promoting Codependency, Which is Harmful

An Assessment of the Article “Why the Religion of Self-Care is Really Sanctified Selfishness” – Christian Author is Indirectly Promoting Codependency, Which is Harmful

A link to this article, from a site and Twitter account called “Truth Over Tribe,” came through my Twitter feed today.

I don’t think I am following these guys; this was a suggestion by Twitter that appeared in my timeline. The “Truth Over Tribe” site says on their site that they are “too liberal for conservatives and too conservative for liberals.”

Okay… I’m somewhat in the same place. I’m a conservative who occasionally disagrees with other conservatives, but I sure don’t agree with many positions of progressives.

After having skimmed over some articles on this site – the site owner and author seems to be a Patrick Miller – he seems to lean left of center.

I can tell he’s left of center from some of the commentary and language he’s used – for one, in the article below, he puts his Intersectional Feminism (a left wing concept) on full display by talking about how “self care” was really started by black people, white women love it, and these days, only white woman can (financially) afford it. (Though I didn’t quote those portions of his article below, but they are over on his site.)

(Does Miller realize that left wing darling BLM (Black Lives Matter) is misleading people financially or that they spend more on transgenderism than on race related issues?)

At any rate, let’s get on to the article on this site that alarmed me, and I will provide a few excerpts, and then I will comment on them to explain why I feel this piece goes horribly wrong:

(Link):  Why the Religion of Self-Care is Really Sanctified Selfishness

Excerpts:

by Patrick Miller

“To be happy, you need to leave toxic people behind.” The preaching Peloton instructor continued, “I’m talking about people who take more than they give. People who don’t care about your dreams. People whose selfishness impedes your ability to do what you want to do.”

 Oh crap. She just described my two-year-old. I guess it’s time to cut him off.

This is the gospel of self-care. The notion that the most important person in my life is me, and anyone who impedes my happiness is an existential threat to my emotional and physical well-being. …

… What’s the Religion of Self Care?

Continue reading “An Assessment of the Article “Why the Religion of Self-Care is Really Sanctified Selfishness” – Christian Author is Indirectly Promoting Codependency, Which is Harmful”

No More Tinder Swindler? Dating App Adds Background Checks

No More Tinder Swindler? Dating App Adds Background Checks

(Link): No More Tinder Swindler? Dating App Adds Background Checks

Mar 9, 2022
By Ariel Zilber

Tinder is partnering up with an app that offers online background checks so that users can research whether their dates have been convicted of violent crimes.

Match Group, Tinder’s parent company, announced the partnership with Garbo, the online platform that allows users to access public information including people’s arrests, convictions, and sex offender registry records.

Continue reading “No More Tinder Swindler? Dating App Adds Background Checks”

Are Single People Discriminated Against? Many Say Yes – via YouGovAmerica

Are Single People Discriminated Against? Many Say Yes – via YouGovAmerica (February 2022)

Their page has some infographs on it, which I won’t be copying and placing in this post.

(Link): Are Single People Discriminated Against? Many Say Yes

Excerpts:

by Taylor Orth

Does discrimination against single people exist in the U.S.? According to a new poll, Americans are split, with unmarried women especially likely to say yes.

The Cambridge English Dictionary recently added a new word: singlism, which is defined as the “unfair treatment of people who are single.”

Social psychologist Bella DePaulo coined the term roughly a decade ago, and while it hasn’t permeated mainstream discourse to the extent of other “-isms,” such as racism and sexism, awareness surrounding the stigma and disadvantages faced by singles has arguably risen in recent years.

DePaulo’s thesis, that unmarried people are treated unfairly, is backed up by recent research showing that single people report lower levels of well-being compared to coupled adults, which researchers find is at least partially attributable to negative treatment and discrimination.

Continue reading “Are Single People Discriminated Against? Many Say Yes – via YouGovAmerica”

Valentine’s Day Messaging For Singles: Empowering Or Exploitative? by Grace Stearns

Valentine’s Day Messaging For Singles: Empowering Or Exploitative? by G.  Stearns

(Link): Valentine’s Day Messaging For Singles: Empowering Or Exploitative? by G.  Stearns

Excerpts:

Single people are finally getting the attention they deserve from marketers — but are brands exploiting a culture of singles shaming that they helped create?

For decades, Valentine’s Day has offered burnt out marketers the sweet relief of a turnkey campaign: a few animated hearts, a flirty pink font, and sultry copy pull on heartstrings (and guilty consciences) until sweethearts around the world are rushing out to buy overpriced cards and chocolates.

But in recent years, a different side of the Valentine’s Day marketing cycle has emerged: rebellious taglines and “treat yo’self” campaigns targeted directly at single people, encouraging them to eschew tradition and celebrate themselves on the international day of love.

While it may seem, at first glance, like a good thing that marketers are finally speaking to everyone (not just those that are blissfully in love), this movement warrants a bit of healthy skepticism.

Let’s unpack this new trend.

Continue reading “Valentine’s Day Messaging For Singles: Empowering Or Exploitative? by Grace Stearns”

Self-Serving Editorial at CT: Married With Kids Lady Says ‘Why Christians Need to Embrace a Changing Definition of Family’ – But What It Boils Down To: She Wants Free Baby Sitting From Adult Singles. Seriously.

Self-Serving Editorial at CT: Married With Kids Lady Says ‘Why Christians Need to Embrace a Changing Definition of Family’ – But She Wants Free Baby Sitting

I was about to log off of my blog for the day (really, I had no desire to make another blog post, I have some other stuff I need to do), but I stopped cold in my tracks when I saw this:

(Link): ‘Why Christians Need to Embrace a Changing Definition of Family’ by Laura Kenna

Look, maybe Mrs Kenna is a lovely person, but her editorial has me hopping angry right now.

Maybe she did not intend for her editorial to come across as it did.

I have been saying on this blog for the past few years that most Christians put far too much emphasis on the nuclear family, something the Bible does not do, and that this emphasis on the traditional family unit  further excludes and alienates anyone who has never married or had children, or any adult who is over a certain age and most of their relatives are dead. Not everyone has a nuclear family.

So, you see an editorial at Christianity Today with a headline like, “Why Christians Need To Embrace a Changing Definition of Family,” you get your hopes up and think, “Maybe Christians are finally starting to get it!!”

But then you start reading the actual editorial and are terrified and dismayed to see things like this:

(Link): ‘Why Christians Need to Embrace a Changing Definition of Family’ by Laura Kenna

…My husband and kids and distant relatives aren’t enough. I must depend the friends I make, the people around me, as our “practical family.”

When babies arrive, parents fly in for a visit, but they aren’t on hand to watch your older kid when you go into labor. That’s what practical family is for. When your apartment doesn’t have room for a blow-up mattress for your sister to come stay, you call someone from the congregation.

…In other settings, these responsibilities fall to family or lifelong friends, but my husband, my kids, and I don’t have that support network here. Instead, the people God put next to us become the family we need for getting through hard times, for celebrating everyday joys, and for learning to live out our faith….

…It runs counter to the American nuclear family, but in three of the four Gospels, Jesus affirms that the faithful are a truer family than our biological ones.

…Similarly, one way Christians can become “practical family” for each other is through naming godparents—especially ones who aren’t already your relatives.

Rather than being done out of tradition, ceremony, or even necessity (in some circles “godparent” is a designation for those who would take legal custody of your kids), appointing godparents celebrates these special Christian friendships.
—– //// —-

The reason this Kenna woman is asking Christians to re-evaluate how they view the term or concept of “family” – at least how it comes across to me – is not out of concern for the many men and women who have been ignored or hurt by a Christian culture that only values married couples who have kids, but out of a self-serving desire for adult singles around her to be free baby-sitters to her and her husband when her mother in law or her sister cannot visit her for a stay.

Unbelievable. Amazing.

As already noted in the comments on that editorial, the church has already been lecturing adult singles for decades now that they are only useful for things like being free babysitter services for married couples.

There are actually books by Christians (as reviewed in the book “Singled Out” by Field and Colon) which tell adult singles their only purpose in life or in the faith is to support people who are already married with kids. Which is a very condescending, rude thing to convey to singles.

Never do Christians or churches ask how the married with kids couples can serve the childless adult singles!

One of the only bright spots I take away from Mrs Kenna’s article is that she does not appear to share the same fear or paranoia of adult single women that other Christians do. At least I am assuming she is not or does not.

Recall that most Christians teach marrieds to stay away from single females, because supposedly, all single females are Jezebel sex pots who are just itching to hop into bed with a married man (see this post about the (Link): Billy Graham rule for a bit more on that).

The entire editorial by Mrs. Kenna just reads as yet another, “Hey, if you are single, your purpose is to help me, a married mother, clean my home, dress and feed my kids and run other errands for me” piece.

I don’t recall her mentioning in the editorial how she helps her single, childless friends.

When one of Mrs. Kenna’s single, childless friends comes down with the flu, does Ms. Kenna drive them over a bowl of hot, steaming, chicken soup and drive them to a doctor’s appointment? Does she mow their lawn for them, since they are too sick to get out of bed?

I did not see any mention of that in her editorial, nor did I see her telling other married couples to help the singles in their lives.

One reason of several I no longer attend church or have much interest in attending one is that they only want to take from me, they do not want to give.

Churches and other people I know are only interested in how I can help them get THEIR needs met, but they do not care to meet MY needs. I am no longer a codependent push-over who allows herself to be exploited by other people.

After having read Julia Duin’s “Quitting Church” book a few years ago, I’m not the only adult single who is tired of being used by married couples in churches as a work horse, to scrub  the church’s kitchen floors or to babysit married couple’s children for free – and we get nothing in return.

It’s brazenly shameful that an author on a Christian site would encourage other Christians to re-evaluate how they view “family” only to guilt or pressure non-marrieds to act as free maids and butlers to meet the needs of the married couples – not to help singles and the childless, but to once more hit them up to act as a free labor pool for the married parents.

Maybe the lady who wrote the editorial did not mean to convey these ideas, but that was how her page came across to me.

But really, Kenna’s editorial essentially reads like this:

  • “Hey, church, we need to stop defining “family” to mean blood relations, because when your birth family lives 2,000 miles away, it means I don’t have anyone to help me clean my family’s dirty laundry, or to babysit my kids for free when I want to get my hair done.
  • That is what adult Christian singles are for, not just birth family!
  • Why not take advantage of the adult singles around me to meet my needs – just tell them they are “family” too, and bingo presto, I can have someone at my house to sweep my kitchen when my sister in law can’t make it.”

I am tired of Christians only considering single, childless adults valuable and as family only in so far as they can help married parents get their needs met.


Related Posts:

(Link): Learning to See Your Single Neighbor by H. Stallcup

(Link): Evangelical Adoptions: Churches Are AWOL in Helping Parents of Special Needs Kids by Julia Duin – Churches Are Useless (and Not Just Re: Adoptive Families)

(Link): Another Christianity Today Magazine Editorial Expects Single Women To Meet the Needs of Married Women – Christians Never Ask the Reverse

(Link):  Do Married Couples Slight Their Family Members as Well as Their Friends? / “Greedy Marriages”

(Link): Why Comic Characters and Super Heroes Can’t Marry – Marriage Makes People Selfish

(Link): Dear Prudence: “Help! My Sister Thinks I Should Give Up a Promotion to Continue Being Her Free Babysitter.”

(Link): The Gross, Shaming Natalism Propaganda on Gab Platform by Its Rude Members, Including By Roman Catholics and Other Conservatives

(Link): Married Woman Rationalizes Her Extra-Martial Affairs – Selfishness, Thy Name is Married People

(Link): “Who is my mother and who are my brothers?” – one of the most excellent Christian rebuttals I have seen against the Christian idolatry of marriage and natalism, and in support of adult singleness and celibacy – from CBE’s site