Modern Couples Looking to Start a Family Are Turning to IVF – Because They Are Too Busy for Sex

Modern Couples Looking to Start a Family Are Turning to IVF – Because They Are Too Busy for Sex

But so many of Christians told me, assured me, when I was growing up – in their magazine articles, books, sermons, and TV shows – that married sex is GREAT and REGULAR! I guess not, judging on news stories like the one below!

Look at how all those reassurances and promises I heard from Christians as I as growing up ended up being false.

(Link): Modern couples looking to start a family are turning to IVF… because they are too busy for sex, experts reveal

Excerpts:

by Victoria Allen
May 2022

Modern couples wanting a baby are turning to IVF – not because they are infertile but because they are too busy to have sex, according to experts.

Couples are advised to try to have sex around every three days to optimise their chances of conceiving.

But the pressure of being ‘always available’, checking emails out of hours and finishing to-do lists has left many people with flagging libidos and little time for passion.

The spare time they do have is often spent watching Netflix, experts fear.

The number of British couples turning to fertility treatment they do not really need simply because they do not have sex often enough to conceive naturally is thought to run into hundreds.

Continue reading “Modern Couples Looking to Start a Family Are Turning to IVF – Because They Are Too Busy for Sex”

Why Are Most Christian Men Living Sexually Immoral Lifestyles? by J. S. Shelton

Why Are Most Christian Men Living Sexually Immoral Lifestyles? by J. S. Shelton

The “equally yoked” rule becomes even more irrelevant in regards to marriage when one considers that this article claims that over half of Christian men don’t see any thing wrong with pornography.

Hmm. Maybe Christians need to start pushing the propaganda to boys and men they used to aim at girls and women all the time: if you, as a single, engage in sexual sin (for the purposes of this post, that would be, specifically, looking at pornography), God will not bless you with a wonderful spouse, if you want to marry.

For years, Christians used to push this at girls and women: if you want God to send you a spouse at all, and a ‘quality’ one, you had better stay a virgin until your wedding night! Turn about is fair play. Time for Christians to start telling men, “If you use porn, God won’t send you a spouse!”

(Link): Why Are Most Christian Men Living Sexually Immoral Lifestyles? by J. S. Shelton

Excerpts:

Churches should be pushing the alarm button…not the snooze button! The sad reality is we are not hearing the alarm because most Christian men are in the clutches of this sin.

Barna Research Group and Josh McDowell Ministries commissioned a (Link): study found that the number of Christian men who view pornography nearly mirrors that of non-Christian men.

How can this be?

Continue reading “Why Are Most Christian Men Living Sexually Immoral Lifestyles? by J. S. Shelton”

‘I’m Allergic to Sex’: College Student Reveals ‘Rare,’ ‘Excruciating’ Condition

‘I’m Allergic to Sex’: College Student Reveals ‘Rare,’ ‘Excruciating’ Condition

This is yet another thing that Christian Gender Complementarians fail to grapple with: they are all the time maintaining flawed or false gender stereotypes, where they assume all men want sex all the time, women do not supposedly want sex, AND, they have this false, unbiblical, highly sexist “obligation sex” message, where they tell married women that their husbands are “owed” sex (which is the same attitude one can sometimes find in some segments of secular culture).

I do have a few other posts on my blog from years past of women who are unable to have sexual intercourse at any time, or long term, or very infrequently, due to having some kind of physical disease or physical deformity (I have linked to those previous posts under the “Related Posts” section at the bottom of this post).

And what would the average complementarian (usually male, but I can see the “sell outs to their own female sex” female complementarians also doing this) advise such women to do – have sex any way, in spite of crippling pain? Probably.

Gender Complementarianism is not only codependency for women, it’s also maintained by male narcissists.

If a guy is married to a woman with one of these types of medical conditions that renders sexual intercourse medically impossible, or next to impossible, Christians (and specifically gender complementarians) need to stress that chastity and self control is for married people too, NOT just for young, single adults, because the husbands in these marriages will have to practice some self-restraint and not expect to have sexual intercourse (or the other sex acts, depending on what the health issue is) with these women.

When I was growing up, Christians – in their sermons, magazine articles and books – used to falsely promise and claim to the young, single reader that if one just refrained from having sex, that God would eventually bless or reward that individual with a great Christian spouse, and that married sex would be frequent and AMAZING. Well, those promises don’t always come true. Christians need to stop making false promises.

But secular types, and some anti-Purity Culture progressive Christians, also need to stop pressuring people who don’t want to have casual sex (or any sex at all), and they need to stop depicting sex as always being consequence-free, both physically and emotionally.

(Link): ‘I’m Allergic to Sex’: College Student Reveals ‘Rare,’ ‘Excruciating’ Condition

Feb 16, 2022
by Ben Cost

It’s only pain, no pleasure.

A Colorado college student embodied the expression “love hurts” after revealing that she suffers from a rare semen allergy that causes her to experience “excruciating” pain whenever she engaged in sexual activity.

“Essentially, I’m allergic to sex,” Longmont’s Chloe Lowery, 18, told Kennedy News of her unfortunate affliction, which began when she first started sex-perimenting.

The English major and aspiring professor specifically suffers from human seminal plasma hypersensitivity, in which contact with the proteins in sperm causes her to experience extreme reactions, including redness and a “burning” sensation.

Continue reading “‘I’m Allergic to Sex’: College Student Reveals ‘Rare,’ ‘Excruciating’ Condition”

Carl Lentz’s Wife Says She Suffered from Depression, PTSD After Cheating Scandal

Carl Lentz’s Wife Says She Suffered from Depression, PTSD After Cheating Scandal

I hope this lady improves soon. This is yet another news item dispelling a lot of the Christian mythos built up around marriage.

So many Christian books, sermons, etc, create this view of marriage that once married, a person will be complete and the married sex will be great and regular.

But then we sometimes see these stories where the wife of a well known pastor admit that her spouse was committing adultery.

I think it goes to show that marriage and married sex are not all that a lot of marriage-promoters in the faith make it out to be (not that I am opposed to marriage, only the very unrealistic depictions of it in the church).

(Link): Carl Lentz’s Wife Says She Suffered from Depression, PTSD After Cheating Scandal

Excerpts:

By Anugrah Kumar, Christian Post Contributor

Laura Lentz, the wife of former Hillsong NYC Pastor Carl Lentz, has opened up about how she suffered from worsening depression and PTSD after her husband was fired from the global megachurch due to alleged moral failures and infidelity last November.

…Lentz and her husband were the focus of many headlines following his cheating confession last November and termination by the Australia-based international church network.

Continue reading “Carl Lentz’s Wife Says She Suffered from Depression, PTSD After Cheating Scandal”

Machine Learning Identifies the Most Important Predictors of Infidelity by Ross Pomeroy

Machine Learning Identifies the Most Important Predictors of Infidelity by Ross Pomeroy

Well, then. So much for that Christian promise that marriage equates to regular and hot sex.

(Link): Machine Learning Identifies the Most Important Predictors of Infidelity by Ross Pomeroy

Sept 30, 2021

Researchers have used a machine learning approach to identify factors that predict someone’s likelihood to cheat in a relationship. Their findings were published late August to the Journal of Sex Research.

Authors Laura M. Vowels, Matthew J. Vowels, and Kristen P. Mark ran an algorithm through in-depth survey data from 891 participants gathered in 2014.

The anonymous questionnaire asked about sexual satisfaction, relationship satisfaction, sexual behaviors, romantic and sexual desires, a range of demographic information, as well as whether or not the participant had had sex with someone other than their partner during their most recent or current relationship. About a third of survey takers admitted to this kind of infidelity – 43.4% of men and 25.7% of women.

So what factors predicted cheating?

Continue reading “Machine Learning Identifies the Most Important Predictors of Infidelity by Ross Pomeroy”

Interview with the Authors of The Great Sex Rescue (book discusses erroneous, sexist Christian views about women and how this hinders sex – among other issues)

Interview with the Authors of The Great Sex Rescue (book discusses erroneous, sexist Christian views about women and how this hinders sex – among other issues)

I’ve read quite a bit about this “Sex Rescue” book, and it covers a lot of the topics I’ve been covering on this blog literally for years now.

Christians – especially the gender complementarians – operate under a faulty assumption that only men like and want sex, while women do not – so most of their sex lectures and sex material gives all sorts of sexist, awful advice, or tells Christians that women only have “emotional needs,” while women’s sexual preferences are never raised. 

Every pastor I’ve ever heard sermonize about the topic just tells men to occasionally cater to their wife’s emotional needs, but they don’t bring up what a woman may want sexually.

The Christian assumption is that all men are sex-crazed horn dogs, and the wives are obligated to have sex with their spouses, even if they are sick or not in the mood, etc.

I’ve discussed all that on this blog for years (and more), and this book apparently also discusses such issues.

(Link): Interview with the Authors of The Great Sex Rescue

Excerpts:

by Rachel Joy Welcher
June 3, 2021

The Great Sex Rescue sets out to correct harmful and unbiblical teachings on sex and marriage—specifically those messages perpetuated by the evangelical church and popular Christian books.

Not only that, it presents a way forward for couples who have suffered from these messages; a path that is guided by scripture and selfless love. 

…Sheila Wray Gregoire, along with her daughter, author and psychology graduate, Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach, and epidemiologist and statistician, Joanna Sawatsky, bravely tackle these harmful teachings, with a high view of marriage, God’s plan for sex, and for scripture.

You may not agree with every conclusion or piece of advice, but this is a resource we need as we continue to deconstruct unbiblical teachings on sex, purity, and marriage. 

Welcher: It is clear from your writings that you care about female sexual flourishing; that you don’t want women left behind in marriage.
In The Great Sex Rescue, you cite example after example from popular Christian books where male sexual pleasure in marriage is prioritized and women are discussed merely as vehicles to accomplish this, rather than as equal sexual partners.
Why do you think the mutuality of sexual self-giving in marriage in 1 Corinthians 7:4–5 has largely been ignored in Christian writings and teachings on marriage?
Were you able to trace this idea to a specific book, era, or misinterpretation of the passage?

Gregoire: Let’s talk numbers: women buy the books, and men don’t. I’ve read that 74% of nonfiction relationship books are bought and read by women.
Why don’t men buy these books? Men often don’t feel the same societal pressure to fix relationships, while men are also discouraged from thinking about their feelings very much. Continue reading “Interview with the Authors of The Great Sex Rescue (book discusses erroneous, sexist Christian views about women and how this hinders sex – among other issues)”

Christian MLB Star Ben Zobrist Claims Wife Had an Affair With Their Pastor and Marriage Counselor

Christian MLB Star Ben Zobrist Claims Wife Had an Affair With Their Pastor and Marriage Counselor

Assuming this guy is telling the truth, this one, lone headline manages to summarize about three or four the usual ten or so topics I regularly blog about!

Where do I even start with this one?

Okay. Many Christians – the ones who are obsessed with promoting marriage, parenthood, and The Nuclear Family – often like to claim that marriage (or being a parent) makes a person more godly, mature, loving, responsible, or ethical.
Clearly, this is false, because I have a shit load of news stories on this blog of married people (and parents) who are law breakers, selfish, or perverts.

Let’s see, what other garbage do pro-family values Christians and secular conservatives frequently teach that this story shows to be false that I’ve been covering here for literally years now?

Let’s see, oh yes:
Marriage supposedly makes Christian adults impervious to sexual sin… if Christians just get married, they will have great, regular, hot sex (with their spouse) and never have an affair on their spouse, or molest children, or use porn. All of that is false.

Other falsehoods: single (unmarried) adult women are sexual harlots and temptresses, so married men should stay away from them per the “Billy Graham Rule” (or “Mike Pence Rule”).
Well, the woman in this story is MARRIED. She is not widowed, divorced, or never-married (single), but a married chick who allegedly screwed around on her husband.

The male headship rule – Christian complementarians, and some secular sexist men in our nation – like to assume that men are specially or uniquely qualified to lead women, to lead on the job, to lead in politics.
But yet gain, we see via this news story that men commit sexual sin, some men lack self control and mores, and there is nothing special about maleness that causes men to be more virtuous or better than women.

Complementarians teach that only men “need” or “want” sex, but obviously, unless the married lady in this story was having affairs to meet emotional needs, she clearly enjoys boning men.
Women do enjoy sex, too, not just men, but this flies in the face of the sexist assumptions of many people in American culture both inside and out of the church.

And there’s just something ironic about the fact that allegedly, one of the men she had an affair with was a marriage counselor!
This is like the news story about the (Link): marriage counselor who murdered the woman he was going to marry, because she asked him to sign a pre-nup agreement.

There is nothing about marriage that makes people more worthy, ethical, happier, more godly or whatever else, than people who are single, widowed, or divorced.

(Link): Former MLB Star Ben Zobrist Accuses Pastor of Affair With His Wife and Defrauding Charity

(Link):  Retired MLB Star Accuses Pastor of Extramarital Affair with His Wife and Defrauding His Charity: Lawsuit 

Retired baseball player Ben Zobrist – the 2016 World Series MVP who led the Chicago Cubs to the franchise’s first championship in 108 years – is accusing pastor Byron Yawn of having an extramarital affair with his wife Julianna and of defrauding his charity.

In a lawsuit filed in Tennessee on May 6, Zobrist, 40, claims Yawn “usurped the ministerial-counselor role, violated and betrayed the confidence entrusted to him by [Zobrist], breached his fiduciary duty owed to [Zobrist] and deceitfully used his access as counselor to engage in an inappropriate sexual relationship with [Zobrist]’s wife,” according to NBC News, the Peoria Journal Star, and the Chicago Tribune, which obtained the lawsuit documents.

(Link): Ex-Cubs star Ben Zobrist claims wife Julianna had affair with their pastor, lawsuit says

(Link): Christian MLB Star Ben Zobrist Claims Wife Had an Affair With Their Pastor and Marriage Counselor

Excerpts:

By Jeannie Ortega Law
June 22, 2021

A recent court filing on behalf of outspoken Christian and former MLB player Ben Zobrist alleges that his wife, pop singer Julianna Zobrist, had an affair with the couple’s former Tennessee pastor, who also served as their marriage counselor.

Zobrist, who played in the MLB from 2006 to 2019, is now suing the former minister for damages, claiming he defrauded his charitable foundation.

Continue reading “Christian MLB Star Ben Zobrist Claims Wife Had an Affair With Their Pastor and Marriage Counselor”

Dear Therapist: My Husband and I Don’t Have Sex Anymore

Dear Therapist: My Husband and I Don’t Have Sex Anymore

~INTRODUCTION (the letter from the sexless marriage lady to the therapist is below)~
Even today, some Christians run around (from what I’ve seen online) making this bogus promise that if people just wait until marriage to have sex, that the sex will be great, and it will be regular.
(This is something Christians did back in the 1980s and 1990s, and they are still doing this today in 2021 – maybe not as much(?), but it definitely still happens on occasion.)

A lot of Christians (and secular conservatives) shame and insult adults who do not have children. They have this false Gospel that The Nuclear Family will save mankind – as in culture, a nation, etc (parenthood and marriage are also included in this).

Well, every so often, I see people write in to advice columnists to say they are in sexless marriages, and quite a few of them say they are unhappy being in a sexless marriage.

Even more interesting is that many of those writing in to the columnists are WOMEN.
As in, these women like sex and want to be having more sex, but their husband, for whatever reason, is totally not into having sex.
Why mention this? Because a lot of idiot Gender Complementarian Christians have this false stereotype that women don’t want sex – they think only men want sex.

Just keep all that in mind as you are reading this, and please check out the links at the bottom, under “Related Posts.”

(Link): Dear Therapist: My Husband and I Don’t Have Sex Anymore

Excerpts:

by L. Gottlieb
June 22, 2019

“I miss the closeness we had before our baby was born.”

Dear Therapist,

[Woman writes in to say she and her husband had a great romance, and after a few months, moved in together. They were engaged, married about two years later, and she got pregnant]

….Our sex was always good before I got pregnant. When our baby was born, my husband had postnatal depression and I had to keep everything together. I was finding it hard inside, but just had to act strong for the both of us. That really put a strain on our marriage.

Our beautiful baby boy is now 15 months old and we never have sex. Our son has just started to sleep through the night, and I think we have gotten so used to taking care of our son at night and not having sex that now it feels so awkward.

Continue reading “Dear Therapist: My Husband and I Don’t Have Sex Anymore”

My Husband Won’t Take His Mask Off – Not Even For Sex by T. Bosch

My Husband Won’t Take His Mask Off – Not Even For Sex by T. Bosch

Anyone out there who thinks snarking at another adult over the age of 21 that “you’re probably a virgin” (as though having sex is a mark of maturity or adulthood, ie, using sexual activity or lack thereof as an insult), needs to reconsider that in light of the stupid sex-related things that people who do have sex do. Such as…

(Link): My Husband Won’t Take His Mask Off – Not Even For Sex

We’re both vaccinated now. When will this stop?

Dear Prudence,

I have been married to a great guy for five and a half years. He is handsome, sexy, funny, and kind.

It’s true that he has always been a little “prissy” about illnesses, but I never thought it was a real problem.

However, during the pandemic, his terror about getting sick has reached new levels.

For the last year, he has refused to take off his face mask, even when we are at home—just the two of us. This is true even now that he is fully vaccinated for the virus.

He wears it to sleep, to do most of his bathroom activities, and, yes, even during lovemaking.

Continue reading “My Husband Won’t Take His Mask Off – Not Even For Sex by T. Bosch”

Pastor Quits Church To Become a Stripper and Now Sells X-Rated Pics and Videos Online

Pastor Quits Church To Become a Stripper and Now Sells X-Rated Pics and Videos Online

Before I get to the link about the woman pastor who left pastoring to be a sex kitten on line:

I never, ever want to hear another Christian woman complain on a blog, in a book, a podcast, or on social media that the church “values virginity or sexual abstinence too much,” nor do I need or want to hear any more women talk about how much Christian sexual abstinence pep talks comparing non-virgins to “used chewing gum” made them feel icky.

Because the times have changed.

It’s hard for me to pinpoint exactly when the change happened, but sometime in the last 10 to 20 years, the Christian community stopped supporting sexual abstinence, and they’ve never truly supported adult virgins who remain single over the age of 30.

(They only gave lip service to supporting anyone who is a virgin / celibate, but in practice, they aren’t there for the sexually abstinent; they’re only there to serve the married-with-children people.)

We are living in quite the opposite age now.

The culture has changed. Most people, including Christians and churches, no longer support celibacy and virginity – but rather mock or insult these things. 

In light of the news stories like the one below, or about how, what is it, 70% of (Link): Christian American women comprise abortion seekers, or how up to half or more of the church see (Link):  nothing wrong with unmarried sex, any Christians out there (especially women – it’s usually women, seldom men) who complain that the church emphasizes virginity or sexual purity too much – are quite full of sh*t and have things totally backwards.

The church now openly supports sexual hedonism, and they shame or question adults who remain virgins until marriage.

Are there double standards, sexism, and problems within “Purity Culture” and how sexual purity is taught, or are there problems with the content of it? Yes, certainly.

But none of those issues suddenly excuse extra-marital sex as being fine and dandy.  And the Bible does not support extra-marital diddling.

You can criticize some of the excesses, sexism, or weirdness of Purity Culture and its teachings without completely tossing aside the principles of sexual propriety or without criticizing, shaming, or mocking those adults who are still virgins or celibate.

A word of warning: I am an (Link): ex-complementarian. But as someone who realized complementarianism was false and abandoned it, I did not become a liberal or embrace sexual hedonism as a result.

I disagree with this woman’s lifestyle who is mentioned below. Rejecting complementarianism does not automatically or necessarily turn a woman into a liberal, feminist, bimbo harlot.

I’m putting this warning in here, because the article mentions the woman in the article became a stripper after joining a church that was more egalitarian in regards to gender roles.

I would imagine a lot of complementarians would see that part of the article and say, or reason to themselves, “A-ha, this is what happens when a woman rejects Christian gender complementarianism!” – but alas, no, it is not.

Again, I rejected complementarianism many years ago, but I did not turn into a sexual hedonist or a bi-sexual stripper.

Another warning: If you’re a Christian, stop assuming that the reason why some leave the Christian faith is because they want to live in sexual hedonism.

Some people leave the faith not to indulge in sexual sin, which is a common and false assumption a lot of Christians have, but due to other reasons, ones having nothing to do with sexual sins, or going after some goal or dream in life that may be considered incompatible with the Bible.

People do have legitimate reasons for questioning the faith, ones that don’t have to do with wanting to be kinky. 

There may be some people for whom wanting to be lascivious is one (or a main) motive in leaving the faith, but that is not true for all.

Additional comments by me are below this:

(Link): Pastor Quits Church To Become a Stripper and Now Sells X-Rated Pics and Videos Online 

Nikole Mitchell, a mum-of-three, said she has always wanted to become an erotic dancer but she was brought up in a strict Christian family which put a damper on her dreams

by L. King

She has now come out as bisexual and carved a new career as a stripper, model and erotic dancer.

Continue reading “Pastor Quits Church To Become a Stripper and Now Sells X-Rated Pics and Videos Online”

Pastors Say Adultery Shouldn’t Permanently Disqualify Clergy from Ministry: Survey

Pastors Say Adultery Shouldn’t Permanently Disqualify Clergy from Ministry: Survey

I’ve said this before on this blog, and here it is again: Christians (and even secular conservatives) gave up defending, living out, or advocating sexual purity (whether marital fidelity or abstaining from pre-marital sex) years ago.

Christians do not “worship virginity” or “purity culture.” Something has shifted in the last decade or two where Christian attitudes and behavior regarding sexuality is indistinguishable from what the secular culture is saying or doing.

If Christian marriage is supposed to be this never-ending font of hot, steamy, regular, satisfying sex – as so many of the Christian books and lectures I heard from Christians claim – why then are so many married Christian preachers committing adultery? I guess that married sex ain’t all Christian propaganda makes it out to be.

(Link): Pastors Say Adultery Shouldn’t Permanently Disqualify Clergy from Ministry: Survey

Excerpts:

August 2020
by Leah MarieAnn Klett

Most pastors believe church leaders who commit adultery should withdraw from the pulpit for some time, but only a small percentage believe extramarital affairs permanently disqualify pastors from the ministry.

“Pastors’ Views on Moral Failure,” a new survey of U.S. Protestant pastors by Nashville-based LifeWay Research, finds that most pastors believe a fellow pastor who has committed adultery needs to take time away from the ministry.

However, opinions vary when it comes to the duration of the sabbatical.

Continue reading “Pastors Say Adultery Shouldn’t Permanently Disqualify Clergy from Ministry: Survey”

Husband Takes His Own Life ‘Because of Lack of Sex’ and His Wife Is Arrested

Husband Takes His Own Life ‘Because of Lack of Sex’ and His Wife Is Arrested

This sounds like both a Christian gender complementarian nightmare AND a dream.

From the male complementarian perspective, it would be a nightmare to live without sex because the sexist douche bags (i.e., Christian complementarians) are entitled and have no concept of self sacrifice, self control, nor have any of them heard of masturbation.

The “dream” part is the notion that their wife would be imprisoned or put to death for having refused to “put out.”

This is the nightmare AND dream of sexist jackasses such as, but not limited to, Douglas Wilson, John Piper, Owen Strachan, Al Mohler, and Mark Driscoll.

(Link): Husband Takes His Own Life ‘Because of Lack of Sex’ and His Wife Is Arrested

Geeta Parmar has been arrested in Gujarat, India, after her mother-in-law blamed her for the death of husband Surendrasinh, who reportedly took his own life last month

The grieving widow faces charges in India following a criminal complaint by the man’s mother.

Continue reading “Husband Takes His Own Life ‘Because of Lack of Sex’ and His Wife Is Arrested”