Lundy Bancroft on Narcissists vs Abusers for The Audacious Life podcast

Lundy Bancroft on Narcissists vs Abusers for The Audacious Life podcast

The first half to two thirds of this video of what the speakers describe, how they describe the typical views of abusive men, is reminiscent of some Christian Gender Complementarians and their views, and what some complementarian adherents believe.

Especially if you are a Christian single woman who’s wanting to marry AND in particular you were raised by Christian parents or in a church that taught traditional gender roles (perhaps under the phrase or label of “gender complementarianism“) please pay special attention to the video below.

Under “gender complementarian” teachings (and just mainstream, evangelical or Baptist and Christian dating advice), Christian women have been taught to accept all sorts of toxic teachings and to accept on-going mistreatment from a spouse (and from other people in their lives).

Chances are good that if you’re a single Christian woman who was brought up to believe in gender complementarian teachings that you were heavily encouraged to adopt people pleasing or codependent behaviors, beliefs, and attitudes, which will make you attractive to abusers and people with personality disorders (many of whom can be abusive).

Additionally, if you do marry an abusive person (whether he is emotionally, sexually, verbally, or physically abusive) the majority of Christian churches and denominations teach women that divorce is not an option, not even in cases of abuse.

You (if you’re an abused wife asking a Christian for advice or help in regards to your marriage) will usually be told just to “submit more,” give your spouse more sex, and to pray about it – but none of those methods will change your spouse or cause him to stop abusing you.

There is nothing you can say or do that will get your husband to stop abusing you – (Link): nor is it your responsibility to try to fix or change your spouse in the first place.

You have to go into a marriage to a self professing Christian man knowing before-hand  that if your spouse turns abusive, that you must eventually divorce the guy, and you most likely won’t get any help or encouragement in that area from your church, church group, church friends, or pastor.

Most churches and pastors will shame, pressure, and guilt trip an abused wife to stay in the abusive marriage at all costs, because they value the institution of marriage above the safety and mental health of the abused wife.

If you’re a Christian woman in an abusive marriage, your church, church friends, and your preacher will never, ever give you permission to divorce – but you don’t need their permission or approval – you just need your own. It’s your life, not theirs.

(Link – to video on You Tube): Lundy Bancroft on Narcissists vs Abusers for The Audacious Life podcast

Excerpts, video description (from text below the video on the You Tube page):

I’m happy to interview Lundy Bancroft, author, and expert on male abuse behaviors and tactics.

Lundy has 30 years experience working in the field of abuse. His book “Why Does He Do That” is a one of the first I read and it helped tremendously.

Lundy is a lifelong advocate for the safety of women and children and it shines through in his books. You may be wondering whether you’re in a relationship with a Narcissist or an Abuser or someone who’s both.

Continue reading “Lundy Bancroft on Narcissists vs Abusers for The Audacious Life podcast”

Pop Singer Billie Eilish Calls Porn A ‘Disgrace’ To Women, Says It ‘Destroyed’ Her Brain

Pop Singer Billie Eilish Calls Porn A ‘Disgrace’ To Women, Says It ‘Destroyed’ Her Brain

(Link):  Billie Eilish says watching porn from age 11 ‘really destroyed my brain’

Excerpts:

Grammy-winning singer Billie Eilish has spoken about an addiction to watching pornography, starting at age 11, and how it gave her nightmares and messed her up when she started dating.

Eilish, who turns 20 on Saturday, was speaking on “The Howard Stern Show” on Sirius XM radio on Monday.

“I think porn is a disgrace. I used to watch a lot of porn, to be honest. I started watching porn when I was, like, 11,” the “Bad Guy” singer said, saying it helped her feel as if she were cool and “one of the guys.”

“I think it really destroyed my brain and I feel incredibly devastated that I was exposed to so much porn,” she added, saying she suffered nightmares because some of the content she watched was so violent and abusive.

Eilish, who was homeschooled in Los Angeles and has seven Grammy Awards, is known for her often dark lyrics.

(Link):  Billie Eilish Talked About How The First Few Times She Had Sex Were Negatively Impacted From Watching Porn At A Young Age

(Link): Billie Eilish Calls Porn A ‘Disgrace’ To Women, Says It ‘Destroyed’ Her Brain

Dec 14, 2021
By Madeline Osburn

The 19-year-old Grammy award-winning singer Billie Eilish said pornography warped her views of sex and relationships after she began watching it when she was just 11 years old. “It destroyed my brain,” she said on “The Howard Stern Show” on Monday.

Continue reading “Pop Singer Billie Eilish Calls Porn A ‘Disgrace’ To Women, Says It ‘Destroyed’ Her Brain”

Single Men Just Don’t Care About Sex Anymore, Study Says

Single Men Just Don’t Care About Sex Anymore, Study Says

This should further throw a wrench in Christian Gender Complementarian gendered stereotypes that only men want sex, while supposedly women do not.

(Link): Single Men Just Don’t Care About Sex Anymore, Study Says

Excerpts:

by Alex Mitchell
Nov 9, 2021

We’ve gone from a slutty summer to a flaccid fall.

According to a study published by Match today, 81 percent of single men said sex is now less important than it was for them in pre-pandemic times.

The jaw-dropping stat on lackluster libidos is thanks to a “perfect storm” of biological and societal reasons brought on by COVID, according to Match’s chief scientific advisers and sex researchers Helen Fisher, Ph.D., and Justin Garcia, Ph.D.

“You can’t shut a planet and expect people’s physiology to remain the same,” Fisher told The Post. “We all suffered, dopamine plummeted, testosterone plummeted, (Link): sex is less important.

“The more sex you have, the more you want. The less sex you have, the less you want. These singles were having less sex and were under extreme stress, the two together dampened the importance of sex in their lives,” she added.

Continue reading “Single Men Just Don’t Care About Sex Anymore, Study Says”

Angry Dad Fractures Church Minister’s Skull for Groping 9-Year-Old Son: Police

Angry Dad Fractures Church Minister’s Skull for Groping 9-Year-Old Son: Police

And Gender Complementarian Christians and pro-patriarchy Christians somehow think only men should “lead” churches – when men molest children (psst, complementarians: maybe your interpretation of the Bible about women and men is incorrect).

I don’t know if Coghill (the pervert in this news story) is married, divorced, or what.
None of the articles I skimmed mentioned his marital status (many times, child molesters turn out to be MARRIED MEN, not single! This fact damages a lot of Christian propaganda about marriage – marriage doesn’t make people less liable of sexual sin, for one)…

(Link): Angry Dad Fractures Church Minister’s Skull for Groping 9-Year-Old Son: Police

A church minister was tackled to the ground after he groped a 9-year-old boy, according to police in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Michael Coghill, 33, sustained a skull fracture and cracked eye socket, cops said in a KFOR report.

(Link): Former Lakehoma Church of Christ minister tackled by witness who accused him of fondling a child

by Carla Hinton
Sept 24, 2021

….A former local minister has been arrested by Oklahoma City Police, but not before he was confronted and physically detained by an adult who accused him of touching a child inappropriately at a school bus stop.

According to Oklahoma City Police, an adult man allegedly saw and videotaped Michael Eric Coghill, 33, touching a 9-year-old child inappropriately on Wednesday morning as the child and other youths waited at a school bus stop in southwest Oklahoma City.

Police said the witness told the reporting officer that a child had indicated there was a jogger who had been coming to the bus stop and touching youths as they waited for the school bus.

Continue reading “Angry Dad Fractures Church Minister’s Skull for Groping 9-Year-Old Son: Police”

Men’s Fertility Fears Spawn a Mini Industry by Robbie Whelan

Men’s Fertility Fears Spawn a Mini Industry by Robbie Whelan

The print version of this article has a different heading than the online version for some reason.

(Link): Men’s Fertility Fears Spawn a Mini Industry by R Whelan

Sept 10, 2021

A crop of companies aims to make sperm-freezing a routine procedure for young men, as employers start to offer it as a benefit.

[Article opens with the example of a 39 year old man who had medical issues, so he got some of his sperm frozen]

…. For decades, the conversation about waning fertility has been focused largely on women.

… Recently, a small group of biotech startups have hatched, dedicated to what they say is an underserved market: male fertility.

Armed with recent scientific research suggesting that the quality of sperm is declining in the West, the companies are trying to make sperm-freezing a routine procedure for young, healthy men,  one covered by health insurance and free of stigma.

Continue reading “Men’s Fertility Fears Spawn a Mini Industry by Robbie Whelan”

Taliban Responds to Tony Blinkin and Woke Leftists: “Women Can’t be Ministers – They Should Give Birth”

Taliban Responds to Tony Blinkin and Woke Leftists: “Women Can’t be Ministers – They Should Give Birth”

With yet another example of how some Muslims don’t respect or care about American, leftist, woke, “Intersectionalism” and identity politics –
I present to you a news headline that sounds like something that could’ve also come out of an American, Christian Gender Complementarian podcast, blog post, or tweet by Doug Wilson, John Piper, Al Mohler, or whatever other complementarian:

(Link): Women can’t be ministers, they should give birth: Taliban spokesperson

(Link):  ‘A woman can’t be a minister – they should give birth’: Taliban dismiss the idea of female ministers as they ‘prepare to hold government inauguration on 9/11 to TROLL the US’

by David Averre
September 10, 2021

A Taliban spokesman declared on Thursday that women will never take up a ministerial position in government because it’s a burden that they ‘cannot carry’ and they should instead ‘give birth’.

In an interview with Afghan outlet TOLO News, spokesman Sayed Zekrullah Hashimi declared that the Taliban ‘do not consider women to be half of the society’ and that allowing a woman to become a government minister would be to ‘put something on her neck that she cannot carry.’

Continue reading “Taliban Responds to Tony Blinkin and Woke Leftists: “Women Can’t be Ministers – They Should Give Birth””

Outcry Over Plan to Educate ‘Bigoted’ Rape Survivors (biological women) About Trans Rights by Tom Gordon

Outcry Over Plan to Educate ‘Bigoted’ Rape Survivors (biological women) About Trans Rights

After having seen several news reports like the one below, I’ve found that the vast majority of persons – biological males claiming to be women – and the “trans rights movement”
– is about misogyny (biological men and some of their women allies harassing, threatening, and gas-lighting biological women), and also about harassing biological men and women who are homosexual.

In the last few years, I tried telling progressive persons, especially ones who host Facebook groups and so on, that despite the fact they often claim to care about victims of churches and of Christian culture,
that they have become so very partisan about politics,
that they are already excluding or bullying victims of sexual abuse (or other types of mistreatment) caused in and by churches, and they  do not care, all because these other victims don’t share their progressive political views.

That is what you see at work in this article below.
The rights and feelings of biological men who like to pretend to be women are now taking precedent over the rights, feelings, and safety of actual (biological) women. It’s disgusting.

You can see how this biological man who is pretending to be a woman who is at the head of this Rape Crisis Center is valuing “intersectionalism” above the safety of actual women.

With the far left, and “useful idiot” liberals, the politics always comes first and foremost – not the people who may be impacted.

This is no different from conservative Christian churches who teach biological women to stay in abusive marriages to men, and who teach divorce is not permissible, all because the church preachers place respect for the institution of marriage above the safety of the people in the institution. It’s the same thinking.

(Link): Outcry Over Plan to Educate ‘Bigoted’ Rape Survivors About Trans Rights

Excerpts:

Aug 12, 2021
by Tom Gordon

The head of one of Scotland’s biggest rape crisis centres has suggested “bigoted” rape survivors should be re-educated about transgender rights as part of recovering from their trauma.

Mridul Wadhwa, a transgender woman, said people would not truly recover unless they addressed their “unacceptable beliefs” because “therapy is political”.

She [he] said: “We will work with you… but please expect to be challenged on your prejudices.”

The comments imply rape survivors may be treated differently according to their political views.

One expert said “pushing a political view onto a woman at a time of profound trauma and crisis” would be “inappropriate, unethical and unprofessional”.

Continue reading “Outcry Over Plan to Educate ‘Bigoted’ Rape Survivors (biological women) About Trans Rights by Tom Gordon”

Interview with the Authors of The Great Sex Rescue (book discusses erroneous, sexist Christian views about women and how this hinders sex – among other issues)

Interview with the Authors of The Great Sex Rescue (book discusses erroneous, sexist Christian views about women and how this hinders sex – among other issues)

I’ve read quite a bit about this “Sex Rescue” book, and it covers a lot of the topics I’ve been covering on this blog literally for years now.

Christians – especially the gender complementarians – operate under a faulty assumption that only men like and want sex, while women do not – so most of their sex lectures and sex material gives all sorts of sexist, awful advice, or tells Christians that women only have “emotional needs,” while women’s sexual preferences are never raised. 

Every pastor I’ve ever heard sermonize about the topic just tells men to occasionally cater to their wife’s emotional needs, but they don’t bring up what a woman may want sexually.

The Christian assumption is that all men are sex-crazed horn dogs, and the wives are obligated to have sex with their spouses, even if they are sick or not in the mood, etc.

I’ve discussed all that on this blog for years (and more), and this book apparently also discusses such issues.

(Link): Interview with the Authors of The Great Sex Rescue

Excerpts:

by Rachel Joy Welcher
June 3, 2021

The Great Sex Rescue sets out to correct harmful and unbiblical teachings on sex and marriage—specifically those messages perpetuated by the evangelical church and popular Christian books.

Not only that, it presents a way forward for couples who have suffered from these messages; a path that is guided by scripture and selfless love. 

…Sheila Wray Gregoire, along with her daughter, author and psychology graduate, Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach, and epidemiologist and statistician, Joanna Sawatsky, bravely tackle these harmful teachings, with a high view of marriage, God’s plan for sex, and for scripture.

You may not agree with every conclusion or piece of advice, but this is a resource we need as we continue to deconstruct unbiblical teachings on sex, purity, and marriage. 

Welcher: It is clear from your writings that you care about female sexual flourishing; that you don’t want women left behind in marriage.
In The Great Sex Rescue, you cite example after example from popular Christian books where male sexual pleasure in marriage is prioritized and women are discussed merely as vehicles to accomplish this, rather than as equal sexual partners.
Why do you think the mutuality of sexual self-giving in marriage in 1 Corinthians 7:4–5 has largely been ignored in Christian writings and teachings on marriage?
Were you able to trace this idea to a specific book, era, or misinterpretation of the passage?

Gregoire: Let’s talk numbers: women buy the books, and men don’t. I’ve read that 74% of nonfiction relationship books are bought and read by women.
Why don’t men buy these books? Men often don’t feel the same societal pressure to fix relationships, while men are also discouraged from thinking about their feelings very much. Continue reading “Interview with the Authors of The Great Sex Rescue (book discusses erroneous, sexist Christian views about women and how this hinders sex – among other issues)”

Debunking Eros: Why Romantic Love Isn’t the Only Love Worth Having by Mimi Haddard

Debunking Eros: Why Romantic Love Isn’t the Only Love Worth Having by Mimi Haddard

This raises several points I’ve been pointing out here on this blog for years:

(Link): Debunking Eros: Why Romantic Love Isn’t the Only Love Worth Having

Excerpts:

by Mimi Haddard
June 4, 2019

Recently, my graduate students discussed how US culture sometimes idolizes sex. Citing a friend, one said, “the orgasm has replaced the cross as the place of transcendence in 21st century American culture.”

A recent study suggested that, though casual sex is more accepted than ever, loneliness is too.

 Twenty-seven percent of Americans feel isolated, but loneliness is far worse among eighteen to twenty-two year-olds, followed by Millennials. The least lonely were Americans aged seventy-two and older—those having fewer sexual encounters.

Western culture often celebrates eros (romantic or sexual love) exclusively, but Scripture speaks of four distinct types of love: storge (love for those who are familiar, such as family, neighbors, coworkers, etc.), agape (God’s love), philia (love between kindred spirits), and eros.

Continue reading “Debunking Eros: Why Romantic Love Isn’t the Only Love Worth Having by Mimi Haddard”

China: The Men Who Are Single And the Women Who Don’t Want Kids

China: The Men Who Are Single And the Women Who Don’t Want Kids

(Link): China: The Men Who Are Single And the Women Who Don’t Want Kids

A once-in-a-decade population census has shown that births in China have fallen to their lowest level since the 1960s – leading to calls for an end to birth control policies. But some in China say these policies aren’t the only thing that’s stopping them.

Despite being hassled by her mum about it, Beijing resident Lili* is not planning to have children any time soon.

The 31-year-old, who has been married for two years, wants to “live my life” without the “constant worries” of raising a child.

“I have very few peers who have children, and if they do, they’re obsessed about getting the best nanny or enrolling the kids in the best schools. It sounds exhausting.”

Lili spoke to the BBC on condition of anonymity, noting that her mother would be devastated if she knew how her daughter felt.

But this difference of opinion between the generations reflects the changing attitudes of many young urban Chinese toward childbirth.

Continue reading “China: The Men Who Are Single And the Women Who Don’t Want Kids”

Child-Free By Choice: Why Many Women Are Intentionally Opting Out of Parenthood by Kait Hanson

Child-Free By Choice: Why Many Women Are Intentionally Opting Out of Parenthood by Kait Hanson

(Link): Child-Free By Choice: Why Many Women Are Intentionally Opting Out of Parenthood by Kait Hanson

Excerpts:

Not sure about motherhood? You aren’t alone.

Author and activist Rachel Cargle didn’t always realize that she would want to lead a child-free lifestyle. In fact, the Brooklyn-based writer told TODAY Parents that the decision to choose a life without kids wasn’t something she ever really considered growing up.

“I was, very much so, intent on checking the boxes of job, marriage, kids, and so I can’t say that I would fit in the ‘I’ve always known’ category,” the 32-year-old said. “I was under the impression that motherhood was a requisite of my womanhood, and so my desire to be a mother was auto-piloted based on that. It took a lot of honest observation and considerate introspection to both come to the decision and to be able to vocalize it.”

Cargle is among a growing number of women who are choosing not to have children, with many saying they prefer the term “child-free” to “childless” because it fits their feelings about motherhood more accurately.

Their decisions are part of a larger trend: In 2018, the number of (Link): babies born in the U.S. fell to the lowest level in 32 years, and the (Link): rate has been declining steadily ever since.

Continue reading “Child-Free By Choice: Why Many Women Are Intentionally Opting Out of Parenthood by Kait Hanson”

Families Marry off Daughters to Ease Finances Amid COVID-19

Families Marry off Daughters to Ease Finances Amid COVID-19

(Link): Families Marry off Daughters to Ease Finances Amid COVID-19

Excerpts:

by Krista Larson
December 2020

KOIDU, Sierra Leone (AP) — The man first caught a glimpse of Marie Kamara as she ran with her friends past his house near the village primary school. Soon after, he proposed to the fifth-grader.

“I’m going to school now. I don’t want to get married and stay in the house,” she told him.

But the pressures of a global pandemic on this remote corner of Sierra Leone were greater than the wishes of a schoolgirl. Nearby mining operations had slowed with the global economy. Business fell off at her stepfather’s tailoring shop, where outfits he had sewn now gathered dust. The family needed money.

Continue reading “Families Marry off Daughters to Ease Finances Amid COVID-19”